The Hell Of Having Kids, As Told By Comedians

[@miumia777]

“These ain’t the first set of crack babies ive raised” “God, I can’t keep being by the crack baby keeper” lmao

[@LeeEisPrettyStrange]

Who is she???

[@ericdavis2928]

Hella funny

[@JusMehhh]

@@LeeEisPrettyStrange Ms pat

[@anthonyguerrero3708]

If your kid names their period jason because it came on friday the 13th, you're a supreme parent.

[@Famiry_Guy_Ken]

🤣 he was so proud

[@anthonyguerrero3708]

@@Famiry_Guy_Ken 😂😂 shii I would be too

[@shawnperez6880]

Yes

[@magsyilden670]

Lmaooooo

[@jesseparker1772]

Just seen this. I said the same shit!!

[@systematicinsomniac]

Holy shit Berts daughter is hilarious, such a cool kid

[@oliviagrace6914]

don’t cuss ✋😌

[@camilaindriago1076]

@@oliviagrace6914 It's the internet, Olivia.

[@roryflynn5270]

Ikr lmao. "Thats the fun part dad... They have no idea why they're there.

[@ryanpulliam8987]

@@oliviagrace6914 people can fucking cuss whenever they god damn well please.

[@ryanpulliam8987]

@@oliviagrace6914 and stop trying to force your religious beliefs down everybody's throat on KZbin videos!!!

[@jesseparker1772]

I'm happy for Bert. His daughter is cool as shit.

[@AnnabelNightwish]

Both daughters and him are dope af

[@LadyMot]

@@AnnabelNightwish his wife is hilarious as well

[@thaliaquinones6231]

That whole family is cool and funny AF !!

[@roryflynn5270]

Berts family is hilarious.

[@thewendigowithwifi3739]

Shes gonna take over as a comedian when bert dies

[@tikikara4222]

“I tried to stop it dad,” Child haven’t we all💀

[@grunge_caramel1716]

😂😂😂😂

[@andreawilliams-richardson2666]

1st of many times when she will try and stop it. 🔴

[@Plagolago64]

Yep I used toilet paper

[@funnypenelope]

"Bitch, you promised!" Lol wut?

[@brianbethea3069]

I figured out a pretty good way. When I was still in the womb, I decided to get my proto-ovaries to descend about two months into the pregnancy so they became testes, and that pretty much solved the whole issue.

[@hugemusiclover1837]

Imagine saying 'No, I can't go swimming, Jason's visiting.'

[@saniyabrunson4858]

😂

[@JenniferLinchDirector]

😂😂😂😂😂

[@StonerSpice]

"Wanna go to the lake?" "Can't bro, Jason's gonna be coming by the time I'm in the water"

[@buckcalkins2047]

"I feel like a shoe in the dryer" damn that hit home for real lol. I totally always feel like this. I have three sons under ten....... Sigh

[@kearstinivory4038]

Goddamn! My prayers are with you. 😂

[@jaclyn4098]

My sister has 4 boys under 6! She's a saint 🙃

[@Lovinia1]

I have three sons just over ten. You have my prayers 😂

[@rondaduse-anthony6755]

Same here. Also reminds me to finish laundry.

[@mrs.w8193]

Me too. Three kids under 6. Twin boys 6 and a girl 4 I am the shoe and the kids are the dryer running circles around me 😩😩

[@melissaCgreenwood]

No parent has ever made me want to be a parent, best birth control ever 😂

[@stayinhydrated7392]

FRR

[@teddavis7032]

Children really aren't that bad, I have 5 of them, the oldest is 5 🤣🤣🤣 1 boy the rest of them are girls

[@melissasaint3283]

Consider how comedians make EVERYTHING sound. They make every form of transportation sound like pure hell. If I took all my advice from comedians, I would never have dated, gotten married, had children, visited another country or gone to a water park. I would have laughed at the standup, nodded sagely, And lived a secure, grey little life, lol. Children, ideally, need a parent to be at least somewhat prepared and hopefullly emotionally available. And for anyone who might become a parent, I would say, yeah.. If you think you have a cluster B personality disorder, yeah, seek treatment instead. If you had a terrible childhood, or feel like you have depression or anxiety seek counseling. If you have a serious addiction problem, get help. If you are broke or have terrible credit, reach out for help on how to start making that better. If you're with a terrible partner, don't deliberately get pregnant-- and what are you waiting for, get out of there! If they're abusive, call for help!! If you have a dream to follow, consider following it. But those are all just standard pieces of good life advice anyway. They're things anyone should be doing anyway, because they deserve a good life. And if you have love to give, children can be one of the best parts of a good life. Look at Patton Oswalt. A huge chunk of his standup was about how awful kids are....until he had one. And then that was replaced by how great his child is.

[@jaynerulo6785]

Im with Lilith. At 54, everytime a friend tells me some precious story, my decision is confirmed. Never regretted it once.

[@datname1939]

Bill burr surprisingly makes it sound not so bad... Ironic

[@gordoloboalbondigas]

"Can you google how to shit in the toilet?" Genius.

[@donaldthiel8379]

Look up her Joe Rogan interview. It was amazing

[@cameronturnquist55]

What’s her name?

[@gyneve]

@@cameronturnquist55 You'd think they would put their names in the title or description.

[@oliviagrace6914]

don’t cuss ✋😌

[@bojanglesobrien6883]

@@oliviagrace6914 fuck off

[@jf7098]

Isn't Bert Kreischer the dad you would never want to have but also want to have at the same time

[@sabbathjackal]

He's uncle Jesse

[@lt.boinks992]

He pretty much is

[@krissantos6624]

the progressive period named Flo 😆😅😂

[@marquesedeshields4045]

😂😂😂😂

[@mmoore4087]

Must be a friend of Dorothy

[@abby91674]

We used to say aunt flo was coming to visit lol

[@retroreceptionist7571]

Mines called Kylo Red

[@alexisgrunden1556]

Ruby, Scarlett, and Rose also work; Lord knows I've referred to it as a 'visit from Aunt Rose'

[@annachase6036]

Actually a period party isn't a bad idea. You get to eat cake, you have friends comforting you if you need it and you get to celebrate being a woman. Like we all know no girl wants or likes her period but it's part of being a woman and by not talking about it you swept an essential part of being yourself under the rug. Having you period is the only natural and non violent way to lose your blood yet people are more grossed out by it than by harming someone. We got to celebrate who we are

[@jelatinosa]

I dunno... The last thing I would have wanted as a ten year old girl, rocking back and forth on the floor of the bathroom in front of the toilet, crying and puking from the pain, would have been a party. I can't relate to stories about girls getting their period like if it was only bleeding, no big deal. My cramps were severe, and the lactic acid build-up from all those muscles cramping and spasming is no joke either.

[@annachase6036]

@@jelatinosa mine aren't fun either. But yours sounds like you should visit a doctor. You might have a serious illness. I just meant that we should take away the fear and shame of periods. In most cases it's nothing to be afraid of or ashamed about. I'm sorry your experience isn't good. Please take care of yourself. Period pain isn't how thing are. Cramps yeah. Pain no

[@rebekahopara4179]

@@jelatinosa I'm sorry yours was so painful. My period didn't get painful till much later in my life. But I wouldn't have wanted a party either because I was so sad when I got it...I cried

[@pokaay3163]

@@jelatinosa wow, I’m sorry you have to go through that- but also, have you thought about consulting a doctor about it? It actually sounds serious, and better safe than sorry. I don’t think periods should normally induce that kind of pain. Good luck to you anyways.

[@thejakker6369]

Yes! Stank and cramps. Good times.

[@armyforlife3191]

Lol. I got my period when the only parent I’ve had is my dad. He lost his shit

[@friendofmara6109]

*finally someone who shares the pain*

[@anikasudhir4579]

OMG WHATS THAT LIKE????

[@jungkookbiased6139]

Me too😂😂😂

[@bigg_capp]

@@anikasudhir4579 they legit break out into a sweat once you say you need pads or tampons, and my father has 4 daughters whose periods were literally a week apart... so it was a different experience for us all... he went from getting the wrong ones and getting screamed at by four bleeding teens to being the period protector😭😭

[@sarahjean176]

I got my period when my mom was on a trip and my dad was the only one home. My exact words were “no, not today!” Of all days to get it when my mom was out of town. My dad didn’t freak out though and we went to go get pads at the store. I’m just glad I got mine at home at not at school or something.

[@conniecakes06]

It's the period party for me. This dad is awesome and his daughter naming the cake Jason was hilarious. Those clueless boys are literally the icing on the cake! 😂👏🏾😂👏🏾😂👏🏾

[@beautifulblackchild7343]

Underrated comment!!

[@conniecakes06]

@@beautifulblackchild7343 thanks!

[@AdalynLeigh]

Bert's entire period story made me cry I laughed so hard.

[@jakeryan9469]

That whole special is pretty entertaining.

[@ricochete5875]

Seriously laughed his shirt off.

[@mikecole1664]

Why doesn’t he wear a shirt?

[@psycotiks8696]

@@mikecole1664 he started doing it because he would sweat through them and then it became his own thing

[@mikecole1664]

@@psycotiks8696 Thanks.

[@HighFive212]

I've said it once and I'll say it again, Bert's kids will be comedians/writers/entertainers. From what he's said Ila is friggin hilarious

[@TNDRAV]

I love when people talk about having kids. I don’t want them and it’s so funny.

[@unmqp]

I can't imagine having a kid I believe in love not suffering

[@RayoAtra]

You're goddamn right.

[@CalculatedMediocrity9000]

I dont want kids until im at least 32ish and financially stable

[@MartintheTinman]

I want some but only with gravy

[@badluckbro661]

But we can practice right?

[@tolfan4438]

Bert's reaction to the red velvet cake is so Priceless spot-on perfect

[@ems7623]

Totally

[@daniellezykowska981]

Period party comedian slayed me .

[@tonyaglover6111]

I'm beginning to feel outdated

[@taoutdoors8110]

Bert kreischer

[@tash1248]

Bert kriescher! He has at least one Netflix special!

[@JC06NJ]

As someone named Jason. I don't know how to feel about that joke 🤣

[@rupkathachakravartty4263]

Awww ok 😂

[@shawnperez6880]

That was so great!

[@caydawn5966]

💀

[@sanchisan6997]

Lol, just think of it as your name is associated with a perfectly healthy properly functioning human process without which you would not exist. 🌍✌🌎👍🌏💚

[@rupkathachakravartty4263]

@@sanchisan6997 ahahahaha yesss ✌❤

[@debbieexcell5088]

"With the babies it's hard to keep up with the house as before." The greatest understatement ever!

[@natelofimusic]

Bert makes fun of his youngest daughter because she reminds him of himself so much 😂😂

[@imagineaworldlikethat4081]

Now I’m going to throw a period party next time I get mine

[@Famiry_Guy_Ken]

Lol Any ideas for names yet?

[@none3160]

@@Famiry_Guy_Ken imma name mine birtha

[@Famiry_Guy_Ken]

@@none3160 lol

[@mombythec]

I'll be needing a menopause party lol, hell...why not pre-menopause too? Gotta think as well as Isla did to make it fun lol

[@Matty80822]

don't elaborate on invites, just call it a period party. when they ask what period is the theme, idk get creative and dodge that question

[@Suburbankidjavairea]

“My daughter, named her period Jason, because she got it on Friday the 13” PERIODT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!👆🏽🤪🤪🤪literally 🤧💀

[@bassagent97]

Period party, period cakes, period names. holy shit america is a whole another world..

[@SPDcru]

we enjoy celebrating the mundane and sometimes ridiculous

[@Rainlitnight]

It's actually not common, and more recent

[@noctuaryfahy1509]

May as well have fun with it, I’m not even American lol 😂

[@brownhippiex496]

I didn’t know ppl ever did so

[@whitney352010]

Right shit all I do is lay in bed and cry, when my aunt Flo is visiting but more power to ya! Lmao

[@nadirimyers6643]

I hope my future kid is as cool as Aila 😂 she lit

[@vampiradeathrockerbatxq762]

Yes 😂😂😂 I hope my baby is a girl. I'm due July 8th, I'm okay with a boy Edit: but periods are really big, before my mom passed away she knew Protection Rituals that involve ones own period blood, an that's something I cannot teach a boy. Although there is ritual work with guys ummm stuff that makes a baby but I am female an was never taught those rituals

[@nadirimyers6643]

“How tf you got a iPad and you shit on yourself” 💀

[@oliviagrace6914]

don’t cuss ✋😌

[@bojanglesobrien6883]

@@oliviagrace6914 fuck off

[@Kimi252]

God's crack baby keeper 😂😂😂 got me rolling! What an esteem position

[@marshazeldin2350]

As my husband says about kids: 0/5 stars, do not recommend

[@Matty80822]

don't be so harsh, 1/5. errr 1/10

[@aleynamutlu4206]

LoL ahh come on..I have seen worse movies than that.

[@savagesweetheart90]

Smart man

[@davidgentz1731]

The one about dad and his daughters period had me rollin on the floor.

[@tash1248]

Bert kreisher look him up on Netflix😂 he’s so funny!! Look up “how I joined the Russian mafia by accident” 😂😂

[@madigable2125]

“She probably thought she tore her twat!” Funniest thing ever.

[@KHBogWitch]

Aila Kreischer is a goddamn legend 🙌

[@nono_noxx]

That period joke def didn’t go where I thought 😂

[@staceyhutchinson8486]

I was teased at my babysitters when not knowing the answer to "what's something every girl gets?" Who did I ask? My daddy. Almost drove the car into the ditch. God bless him 🙏

[@candyjohnson4413]

😂🤣

[@sandracaballero6101]

Lmfaoooo I can’t with the period party story: the Pinot Noir, the marinara sauce, the red outfit

[@FoxValley123]

I am 21 about to be 22 this comin june and I never thought of namin my period. This is gonna be so fun and so confusing for my friends when I tell em Auntie Satan is coming to town!

[@the_ducc]

Good luck :)

[@FoxValley123]

@@the_ducc Thank you

[@IridescentNova]

Mine is Barbara because I had a bad experience with a customer named Barbara(second Karen)ever since then,I hate bitches named Barbara.

[@FoxValley123]

@@IridescentNova That is a good reason also that is funny!

[@cj5803]

That's what I call an aunt I hate

[@greendayfecer]

I love the dad, who went all in for his kids period party. That's amazing!

[@Sawyerboytv]

I know the feeling oh so well. My son's voice was deeper than mine from he turned 17, i've been making jokes of him then my daughters as they entered earth.

[@DonutRaccoon]

I remember when I was growing up we didn't have period parties lol. (This was around 2010) I remember hearing about it later on, but we all thought that was a weird kinda disgusting/embarrassing joke 😂

[@beautyintheskies]

Never heard of a period party till this video and im female sooo

[@kaiah8880]

As a kid, we don’t.

[@theeccentric7263]

My mom talked about a period party (in the early 2010s) but didnt actually have one for me or any of my 2 female siblings. The thought embarrassed me then, but now I think it's a cool concept, if applied thoughtfully.

[@psycostasia8379]

Rob Schneider is starting to look like Billy Crystal

[@nr6916]

So that’s who he reminded me of!

[@gregorygutierrez2856]

You got to love Bert and the lovely Mis Pat

[@carolinamurtha3102]

Whenever I hear this story from Bert I can’t help but think how if my called my immigrant parents to tell them I got my period and get supplies for a party to celebrate, I would’ve gotten in so much trouble for calling from school for this. You’re not sick, dying, don’t call from school!

[@melainagibson3023]

"Bitch you promised"!!! Sounds like something I've already said to my daughter lol

[@dystoniacdiaries]

The potty training got me. That's my house rn!!! 😭😭😭

[@ratzwilson6101]

I uses to do the catching the baby thing pretty often, but I've never heard it described so well lol also did the kicking across the room thing. I also used to push them over when they first started walking. Lol it was super easy.. just a little poke. My oldest and my youngest loved but my middle child.. well, she is the middle child lol

[@theeccentric7263]

Lol u sound like u typify and abuse ur middle child.

[@thebestcentaur]

"How you know how to work an iPad but you shit on yoself"😂😭

[@AltoKeyz]

Kids do weird shit .. also weird shit does kids

[@doobie710]

You can really tell how fucking tired rob was at the beginning of that clip😭😂😂🖤

[@kolourfulneco]

Bruh he was about that Life off letting these kids come to an event that they don’t know about

[@sierraalice8072]

The period party part, I just- 😭💀

[@bob1244]

The second story makes me motivated to make a group chat with girls in my high school just to support each other about our periods 💀 I can imagine the chat going like this A; Guys I think Mary's coming to town C; Who? B; you don't know who Mary is? C; uh- no B; yk....bloody mary A; it's what I named my period C; what A; yeah you know since she gets a little messy. B; 👀 🍿 C; 😳 A; ....anyone gotta tampon?

[@Mr.Magic4ever]

I love Michelle Buteau SO MUCH!!! 😂😂👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

[@coolcab05]

BROOO You just ruined cake for me 😭

[@IfIhadaheartx]

The last one, Mrs. Pat, had me rolling lmaoo

[@brittanyhill2067]

"I feel like a shoe in a dryer." Bruuuhhhh I feel thiiiiis! 🤣🤣🤣

[@x0xTHLover4Lifex0x]

Lmfaooo the 'I tore my 'twat' 'blew out my coach's took me out 😂😂😂

[@doggygaming7056]

0:09 *wait your supposed to name it?* (Edit: also why is he shirtless??)

[@seandonnellan5980]

He gets weird anxiety when on stage so it’s like a reverse “imagine them naked”

[@vickyh1363]

That's his thing. He does shirtless comedy, he's well known for that

[@fosho6874]

Cause why the hell not, adds to the experience

[@MrBane-fe2ju]

I heard it was because somebody made a fat joke about him once so he kinda just embraced it and does all his comedy shirtless in contempt of it. He throws his shirt at the beginning of the show

[@srami004]

Watching this makes me not want to have children.

[@MikaelaJoArroyo]

As a mom that didn't chose to have a kid and still ended up with a kid... Don't

[@denkikaminari5583]

@@MikaelaJoArroyo do you still love your kid though

[@MikaelaJoArroyo]

@@denkikaminari5583 more than anything

[@kaylagarcia8118]

Don't

[@chima6291]

but at the same time, they make your life meaningful.

[@julesking1303]

Imagine the kids watching these specials one day 😭

[@dbeiler5525]

Rob Schneider’s one daughter is Elle King, so that puts a whole new spin on the story!

[@totallyrealnotfakelifeadvi7547]

All the girls are NOT throwing those parties-

[@fatalshards]

4:51 I gotta hand it to the kid, that’s genius

[@sallyshufles7894]

Ms. Pat is so damn beautiful 🙌❤️

[@nick120899]

My man Brent Crystal

[@mimigiggles4199]

You mean Bruce?

[@nick120899]

@@mimigiggles4199 damn I forgot about that one 😂😂

[@rickburgess5005]

Bruce Chrysler

[@MRblazedBEANS]

Thought it was burnt crystal?

[@samuelbrito906]

Dude he’s lost so much weight. Probably not a pound over 380 now.

[@Linky609]

I wish I understood why people wanna have kids so much, no thanks.

[@omololabotsane5795]

100%

[@oratiletsimatsima9643]

Some people are really good at it. Yes, they experience challenges, but they do it gracefully.

[@BrandonOsborn404]

Seeing Tig happy is really amazing. She is transformed. I've always thought she was smart, and a good comedian, but her sadness and bitterness were so pervasive, I couldn't watch her work. If you have not ever seen it, try to find her imitation of a bicycle horn - it's impeccable.

[@KINGDOMDAUGHTER]

Thank you, we needed all the laughs in these perilous & unfavorable times Much laughter is warranted and good for one's internal organs and good medicine, lol #funnybones

[@ladykaya7330]

my little sisters name is isla, it shocked me to hear him say it 😂

[@jpfree8578]

RIP Bernie Mac

[@lvi8957]

🤗❤️💐

[@jeffmolina8607]

Bert is raising savages

[@sammiche]

When she said ' how tf you work and ipad but you shit on yourself ' - it's true!!

[@1999Torii]

“How tf you can work an ipad and you shit on yourself” bruh that was so funny, i’ve never thought about that

[@laurakaye5086]

Anyone else child-free by choice and watching for the schadenfreude 🙋🏻‍♀️😂

[@urbanesasquatch]

WOW! Tig made me laugh for the first time ever. It's the End of Days.

[@thunderclanwarrior1253]

Naming a period... period party... what??? I've been having mine for 8 years and this is the first I've heard of it! Could someone explain? XD Nevermind, finished the part and I respect the hustle.

[@Kathrynlove]

I feel like a shoe caught in a dryer 🤣🤣🤣

[@illamcdonald6940]

When Bert Keirscher said Aila I freaked the fuck out cause that’s my name 😂

[@kalyngarcia232]

Jason…bc of Friday the 13th!?! Omfg YESSS! “Can’t let the lil blobs fall.” 🤣🤣🤣

[@RainyDoesNothing]

My mom could probably have a whole comedy routine of how many times I have gotten hurt by something stupid- 1)I’ve been hit with a soccer ball right in the face (kicked by my dad) 2)I’ve had a softball roll up and hit my face (thrown by my mom) 3)I’ve slipped in the living room for no reason 4)I’ve had a volleyball fling to my face and I bled (by a kid in my class) 5) I tried to do a high kick and I skipped and fell 6) I’ve ran into a doorknob 7) and currently, I messed up the bottom of my foot by running barefooted on the road to catch my running dog-

[@PoggeB13]

I was hit by a beer truck in Kindergarten...after bullying my car pool classmates not to rat me out for sneaking across the road to shortcut to my house.

[@jinxiejae]

"That's the beauty of it dad, we dont tell them why they're there ."

[@rafters35]

The baby joke sounds like Anthony jesylnick dropping babies

[@Sawyerboytv]

I was thinking the same.

[@terywetherlow5980]

Oh. I remember Jesylnick he was funny.

[@gabrielle916]

Who is 5:15 comedian? She's fawking hilarious. Good to see Rob on stage! Love seeing him!

[@ekdaufin1485]

Love the potty training joke for the second child.

[@kimicappiello5480]

THE MACHINE!!!

[@Minerva_the_Maverick]

My Grandmother and I used to call my period "my aunt from abroad" so I would just say: "I can't go swimming today because my aunt from abroad is visiting." Just had a daughter and she is the greatest thing that ever happened to me-I can't wait to find out what she calls hers.

[@chugmonkey666]

The crack lady story 🤣😂🤣😂

[@oneshotme]

TURN UP the volume on your end PLEASE thanks

[@heiseili9279]

That size 6 was so on point.

[@randyranderson690]

as a dad, the first time I heard the period party bit, I took it and ran with it. My daughter had never heard of it but loved the idea. She named hers: Code red after her favorite kind of Mt dew

[@maloneaqua]

Now that I’ve seen this... I prefer my dad’s approach of NEVER acknowledging my parts, or life stages, or their functions in ANY WAY! than a dad ever talking about my twat in public.

[@leeannasloan2292]

Who gonna go for provisions! Brilliant comedian.

[@SassyStrawberry1]

"We don't tell them why they're there" lmaoooooooo girlllll

[@kaity9480]

Lmfao I call mine the period fairy, just walk out the bathroom some days being like "The fairy has visited 😇😇"

[@betsybabf748]

Got my first on a Friday the 13th. Sept of '85. We got no period parties, just Aquanet and neon.

[@drakkonscythe]

That kid with the period is a genius

[@t3rror5am]

Yea. Kids are hyped up. Its not for everyone.

[@emirates111]

most of that audience havent even seen the hateful eight let alone remember what its about.. yet they all laugh

[@anarchist_parable]

How would you know that?

[@mezarod8749]

It's the way she said it you pendejo.

[@emirates111]

@@mezarod8749 tf u on. jog on

[@jaclyn4098]

Lmao the catching the baby was gold

[@boneinjun42]

I didn’t know Tom cruise did stand-up

[@G0DofRock]

You can never really tell, his standing height is the same as his sitting height.