The Hidden Cost of Skipping Key Stages of Development

[@AustinRelates]

“We should never be rushed into maturity.” Bravo 👏

[@Javiera_Random]

It hurts to read those words. Especially when it is assumed that "because you are a girl, you must be mature sooner." But we already know that is not the case.

[@elchucapablas]

The opposite is also bad. So there’s got to be a balance no?

[@GloryBlazer]

@@Javiera_Random I mean synaptic pruning ends about 4 years sooner in women compared to men, so I think there is some truth to it

[@d-darkness-within]

Premature

[@DiegoMonroyF]

I was the "well behaved" kid growing up. My personality did push in that direction, but I now realize that most of it had to do with repressing emotions that were never allowed to be, given my upbringing. I did miss the stages of being naughty and rebellious, and that made me miss out on certain emotional skills and experiences that would've made my childhood and adolescence much less painful and lonely. Now I'm revisiting and relearning all that, and I'm happy to be doing so--but believe me when I say I will make damn sure that doesn't get carried over to the next generation, at least on my end. Man, I can't imagine how much worse my parents must've had it. Takes time to get rid of generational emotional trauma.

[@Slangh]

My story is similar. How do you relearn this?

[@Dragonaiis]

Wow this is nearly my exact experience. My friends and partner think it’s rather strange that I agree 1:1 with my parents and am completely frozen in fear when I disobey them in any way. I never felt like I was allowed to be angry, to desire things, or to be a burden. Now I am slowly learning how to be a rebellious teen at age 20. It’s been small steps, one disagreement at a time, and realizing that just because someone doesn’t like something I do, doesn’t mean they dislike me as a person. That’s been the hardest lesson for me to learn, but slowly I am learning it. I’m curious how you’re handling your situation?

[@vascor.3267]

I can relate to this so much but I don't feel like I've actually gotten rid of that behaviour. Can you share how you're revisiting and relearning all that ? :)

[@CamiiGianna]

I feel the same! I am relearning this and resetting my mindset and behavior and let me tell you... I like it! 😊 It's not super easy, because it takes time, energies and focus but my therapist told me I'm doing big steps :) I kinda have to analyse my reactions, emotions and behavior but I am learning every day. Being your real self is the best gift you can give to yourself.❤

[@SleightWryder]

I caught up on that stage during COVID.

[@Imustscream]

When I was ~15 my friend’s mom said I was an “old soul” which now has me at 52 thinking “what stage did I miss because I don’t want to screw up my life now!”

[@Leo-mr1qz]

My middle daughter, age 12, we call her "Mama El." She's the middle child. Her little sister came 2.3 years after her. She missed the "be naughty " phase, I believe. I had 3 daughters under age 4 at one point, and she was always the most responsible out of the bunch.

[@brahm-ahamasmi]

Everyone is different. Don't think that you need to follow a template you saw on a youtube video. Another video, another template for life. Don't take them too seriously

[@vickisnemeth7474]

Faux spiritualists try to put magical labels on smart people.

[@123mandalore777]

An old soul doesn't mean you were too mature. It means she recognizes you as someone who has lived many lives and has reincarnated before.

[@carperfjord8748]

Same here!! I can’t think of anything I missed tho 😅

[@Carmen-mp3je]

So accurate, as always… this explains why I have seen people taking terrible decisions that make no sense at people’s different stages of life once an adult.

[@biko9824]

Things clicked for me too... looking at my own life and those of others (parents primarily i suppose), the subconscious does find a way to 'make things right' from the past. It certainly explains some irrational behaviour

[@SA2004YG]

Cough *eps. island* cough

[@OpenDeepLearning]

Carmen... care este povestea ta?

[@SA2004YG]

It's interesting how my comment about a famous island ran by a guy who didn't kill himself got deleted here

[@heartofdawn2341]

Between abuse, neglect, and decades spent trapped in a deeply toxic environment that left me feeling like a monster all that time, I never had my childhood, adolescence, or even adulthood. Now at 48 I'm struggling with the grief of a life that never was, while also facing trying to work back through all the steps that I missed- inasmuch as that it's possible for someone pushing 50. No wonder I'm completely burnt out.

[@JLakis]

"Get busy living or get busy dying."

[@joostvanmierlo3270]

Wow impressive that you are still hanging on. Im 21 with comparable circumstances and im barely hanging on right now

[@heartofdawn2341]

@@JLakis with burn out, busy is the last thing you need. Tried that and it only made it worse. The only thing that works is radical self-care and a lot of rest

[@Pat1100-z7u]

Im really sorry to hear that, cant imagine the pain you must have felt. The fact that you are alive and writing this comment shows your strenght.

[@JLakis]

@@heartofdawn2341 That's what Andy Dufresne says in Shawshank Redemption.

[@Kyo0]

So what's a way to determine what you need? It feels like something is missing, but how can we know which stage it really is?

[@thatgirlwiththecrazyhair2067]

It'll take some soul searching. It's not easy to dig up something you've repressed. But have a think about what you were and weren't allowed to do growing up. Ask yourself how much you were able to express natural human emotions without them being suppressed by the people around you? What emotions were they?

[@BabyKale-b]

You could see a psychotherapist, and or check off which stages you know it wasn't.

[@mattbow_]

A 6 minute video on KZbin cannot guide you through all the steps necessary to become unbound from the difficulties of childhood. That comes from years of work.

[@ricochet2977]

I been stuck between stages 2 & 3 for 50 years so it’s no good asking me 🙃

[@ronineidolon]

​@@mattbow_ a road map and destination might save years of driving around in search of where to go and how to get there.

[@aurumthebrave3427]

I know it's only a 6 minute video, but I feel like watching this would already make me a better parent. I never thought about it so simplified and well-explained like this, because it's hard to organise all these stages of life, what I missed, what I failed and what I went through with clarity, and an outside voice like this (or your therapist) helps greatly.

[@LovelyLady1111]

For sure! Imma send this to my friends that have kids.

[@CosticaLIPOVEANU-w8m]

1. **Physical Development** (Infancy to Adolescence): - Infancy (0-2 years): Development of motor skills, sensory abilities, and early cognitive abilities. - Early Childhood (2-6 years): Language development, fine motor skills, basic social interactions. - Middle Childhood (6-12 years): Learning, social skills, and self-regulation. - Adolescence (12-18 years): Identity formation, emotional regulation, puberty, and cognitive development. 2. **Cognitive Development** (Jean Piaget's Stages): - Sensorimotor Stage (0-2 years): Understanding the world through senses and actions. - Preoperational Stage (2-7 years): Development of language and symbolic thinking, but egocentric understanding. - Concrete Operational Stage (7-11 years): Logical thinking about concrete events, grasping concrete analogies. - Formal Operational Stage (12+ years): Abstract reasoning and problem-solving. 3. **Psychosocial Development** (Erik Erikson's Stages): - Trust vs. Mistrust (0-1 year): Developing trust when caregivers provide reliability. - Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt (1-3 years): Gaining independence and personal control. - Initiative vs. Guilt (3-6 years): Initiating activities and enjoying achievements. - Industry vs. Inferiority (6-12 years): Developing a sense of competence. - Identity vs. Role Confusion (12-18 years): Establishing a personal identity. - Intimacy vs. Isolation (Young Adulthood): Forming intimate relationships. - Generativity vs. Stagnation (Middle Adulthood): Contributing to society and supporting future generations. - Integrity vs. Despair (Late Adulthood): Reflecting on life and either feeling fulfilled or regretful. 4. **Emotional and Social Development**: - Developing emotional intelligence, understanding, and managing emotions. - Building and maintaining relationships, understanding social norms, and developing empathy.

[@Alexis-kg1sm]

Although I don't know the models of those specialists. I am quite clear about the stages of my life in terms of knowing what I focused my energies on and the consequent traits achieved. Are there other notable models? Any for atypical cases such as significant intellectual precocity? I believe that I would not have been able to complete those stages even with the plan in sight. And I understand that my parents didn't have any good solution for a difficult case. The intellectual asymmetry left me without many interesting interactions with other children. Even as an adult, intellectual asymmetry is a recurring problem. My self-assessment (inspired by IQ scale) (most likely a case of Asperger's considering the difficulty dealing with faces, among other social deficiencies) Talent towards abstract objects 140+ Talent towards material objects 120+ Talent towards people 80. Being able to force an additional 20 with very strenuous intellectual effort. My social skills are at their lowest when I am occupying my mind with objects. At that moment I will forget many social codes, ignore that my recipient thinks very differently, basically I will be completely in my style. For example, I know that I communicate "robotic" because I am thinking about the logic of the object and not about arranging the message to offer it to another person. I am already middle-aged and even with few social skills I was able to achieve a minimum of interpersonal performance. What intrigues me is not knowing an upbringing and maturation appropriate to the needs of my past self.

[@Blinkster93]

I definitely skip a few of those stages

[@DizGaAlcam]

Someone like here so I can come back to this pls

[@pseudonymity3641]

you forgot freud lol

[@stevefrags3901]

I was abused mentally and occasionally physically by my stepfather. I was terrified to even walk passed him while he sat in his chair, there was always a threat of something happening. Countless horrible situations happened over many years, the worst part about it as I knew he enjoyed breaking me mentally. He was completely in my head and he knew it, it was a twisted game to him. To make matters worse, I grew up in a tough area... and I had extremely delayed puberty.. so I didn't have the size to defend myself. I now believe this was due to being shit scared all of the time. When I was 15 years old, looked about 9. I got bullied throughout school then, bullied at home. Missed out in a lot of experiences that should just be normal for everyone. I eventually stopped trying to socialise at all. I eventually was given testosterone to try and jumpstart puberty, but at 19. I still looked about 12 years old. I'm now 30, and can honestly say that growing physically and of course mentally at a normal rate is far more important than what you would imagine. The way I was treated growing up has made me try and be the total opposite of a bad person, I've actively questioned everything about myself to attempt to be as far removed from those people that made my life hell. I want to prove to myself I am better but this obviously has a weakness. This has lead to me people pleasing and overly trying to help others in need. I believe when you've been hurt badly, narcissists can smell that and take advantage again. I had to learn that the hard way. For as long as I can remember I have been fighting to get ahead. The older I get the more jealous I become of other people's lives. I still get intense nightmares of my childhood, I still get angry about what could have been done to prevent it. There's many "stages" that I didn't get to experience. I have had to think for 1000s of hours to piece together why I react to things differently to others, why I feel the way I do and how I can fix it. Learning to be a man when you've been abused by one is very difficult. Currently working as much as I can to get myself in a better financial position so I can finally get proper help for all of this. I've tried anti depressants and councilling with not much success. One day I'd like to speak to a psychologist that can clear up some of the confusion throughout my life. One day at a time, and won't stop until I figure it out.

[@AmyBaldwin-dc8ty]

I’m sorry you went through all of this. Good luck in your healing and having a happier future!

[@mairamouramiranda]

Amazing how much stuff you have processed and figured out just by yourself... You are right: one day at time. It has been a mantra around here too. Good luck on your journey!!! 🙏🏼🙏🏼

[@MicheleEngel]

OMG, it is remarkable that you are so self-aware and committed to being the best person you can be. Please own that choice and acknowledge your strength. You must have nerves of steel to be able to have overcome such obstacles to the extent that you have. I wish for you the gift of allowing yourself to simply BE. Just be in your own skin and know that you deserve to be in the world, deserve to love and be loved flaws and all. Progress, not perfection, will be your reward. You have many wonderful experiences ahead of you. Much love to you.😘

[@stevefrags3901]

​@@AmyBaldwin-dc8tyThank you for your kind words!

[@stevefrags3901]

​​@@mairamouramirandaThank you, I really appreciate that!

[@purpleneons]

24, haven't moved out yet, graduated uni i didn't care much about, about to start first job in a factory, been often told in childhood and adolescence i'm gifted, a genius and whatnot i have recently started realising how little i just allow myself to *be*, almost as if i've always been taught to fulfill expectations of others, not my own. this video resonates with me, but i don't know how exactly yet. there is definitely at least one early stage that i missed and that has been tormenting me for years. gonna save this for later.

[@Leo-mr1qz]

It sounds as though you were expected to grow up and be what your parents were not. They lived through your success. Taking away your adolescent tendencies.

[@JLakis]

Well you're only 24. Just don't double that.

[@yungbludboi]

I would consider it a blessing to be realising this at your age, I'm 32 and would love to have started figuring myself out at your age. Strike while the iron is hot my friend, you won't regret it, and you've got time on your hands.

[@Analogoutlier]

On the same boat. Quitting safe but soul sucking 9-5 from parental expectation. In hindsight, your life is meant to be lived by you, nobody else

[@xTB99x]

In the same boat too. 25 starting my last year on my master's degree. Never really enjoyed it, but the thought of pushing through was what got me here. Went on exchange last semester where I actually felt that I had time to do other social stuff and be more loose rather than just studying. And I'm realizing that getting good grades and studying is the only thing I have used as validation for my wellbeing. And this has been going on since atleast middle school. Now I'm trying to get myself more out there.

[@mememaker9146]

In middle age I am fond of searching for nostalgic things that soothe me and give me comfort.

[@elaineb7065]

Same. 50 & I sleep with a plushie xxx

[@paulw5039]

At 53 I've learned to trust myself more. When I was younger I typically deferred to 'conventional wisdom' from authority figures simply because I didn't know any better. But I've seen many times how experts and authority figures (or those presenting themselves as authority figures) are often wrong - doing things because 'that's how they were always done', or simply making things up rather than admitting they don't know. I can recognise the red flags better at my age and, more importantly, not ignore these red flags and thus not automatically capitulate to questionable claims/methods/directions.

[@dhrumilbarot1431]

That's normal

[@mr.increediblle7964]

Geez, this is me. I missed every developmental stage of all my life as a 35,i feel behind in life physically. mentally and emotionally

[@archlich4489]

You make me not feel so alone. Thank you. (51 btw)

[@ourexcellentlife7944]

How did you miss every stage? Some things you just do. Did someone stop you?

[@supersonictumbleweed]

@@ourexcellentlife7944 for me it's being born as a third child, where the gap between me and my siblings is 9 and 13 years respectively. My parents seem to have been done raising children by then so I was just roaming the world and I had a roof over my head I guess, but no real home. Also I'm pretty sure I was concieved by an accident. I'm now a bit over 30

[@supersonictumbleweed]

Also I never have been able to take reins in my own life because trying things is expensive I guess. I have no pointers to life and I'm often mistaken to be an adult because of my age

[@VioletWander314]

Where I'm at as well, I've been reparenting, developing my self, now I feel I can start finally looking forward rather than pulled by what's missing around me (literally pulling me back in time) ❤

[@MikeJackson690]

"That we've missed out on a stage may - unfortunately - be unapparent for many years. But the way we function means that eventually, the missing stage will force itself to be heard - perhaps at the cost of seriously upending our lives." Well, I feel seen. Missing one of the stages caused me to succumb to a crisis around the age of 30. I've never really recovered.

[@Boogiemanager]

Right there with you… 34 when it happened and 6 years later.

[@Pipe_RS91]

Heading for that crisis at 32. If everything has to crash for me to be better, so be it.

[@emmacollier7310]

I'd be really curious if any of you are referring to the "Sexually Explorative" phase? If any of you feel comfortable answering, I'd really appreciate it. Someone I care deeply about missed this phase and now fears continuing in the "emotionally committed" phase.

[@123mandalore777]

This resonates hard. I am pretty sure I am missed some stages. The worst thing is society seems deadset on having you continue on and doesn't want to give you any opportunity to do what you really really need to do. There is so little opportunity to heal or grow as a person. Society wants to keep you in stasis as a person.

[@LovelyLady1111]

Big facts. Modern society is not meant for us to thrive, but survive...

[@litterature-w7u]

My mother was emotionally immature; that caused me missing my self- expression stages; plus my father was drinking a bit much than a normal person should, hence mum's shoutings and cryings all the time. I had no other choice but to be silent till the end of every daily storms. Now I look at all my childhood pictures trying to introduce myself to this beautiful child, maybe who knows one day she will trust me, enabling herself to express her sorrow, fear, despair, lack of confidence and many other things that couldn't even dare to pass trough her mind. If only I could make her believe that she's now safe, no one can hurt her anymore, I won't let them...

[@JKAnchor]

I'm the oldest of all my siblings and (most) cousins. I was always the well-behaved child and attended top public schools my whole life. I always thought I was doing the right thing by excelling academically and doing whatever my parents told me to. I thought I was "not like the other teens" because I wasn't trying to be rebellious just for the sake of it. I realized I'd developed perfectionist tendencies pretty early on (right before starting middle school) and thought I was better for it because that's what kept my grades up and consistently garnered praise from all the authority figures in my life. I was incredibly stressed all the time starting at the age of 10, but I thought that was what it took to be excellent. I didn't realize until much later that this perhaps wasn't/shouldn't be normal. I was desperately trying to fight off severe depression, anxiety, and a medley of other chronic/undiagnosed health problems I'd been harboring throughout middle school, high school, and college while somehow maintaining decent grades at the great expense of my well-being. Each year felt harder and harder, but I felt like I had no choice but to push through. In what was supposed to be my last year as an undergrad, I just couldn't take it anymore. I ended up going on leave indefinitely as I grappled with the huge, underlying mess that my seemingly put-together life had become. It took falling apart when I was mere centimeters away from the so-called finish line to slowly accept that maybe this isn't how it should be. I realized, as per the video, that I was thrust into the Responsible stage while perpetually stuck in Adored and completely skipped all the rest (with the exception of Manners, because that naturally complemented my people-pleasing inclinations). I have friends and peers navigating the Responsible and Emotionally Committed stages with ease and bagging stable, well-paying jobs and healthy, long-term relationships. I never really understood why I felt so behind in those ways when I was always ahead academically, but now it's all finally beginning to make sense. If anyone else is in a similar situation, just know that you're not alone.

[@moooo26]

I needed that right now, with my 3 yr old throwing pasta through the kitchen and the 6 yr old often not doing what hes asked to…

[@bleakaf]

Be extra kind to yourself through this, especially if you were never allowed to go through these things ❤️

[@aniharutyunyan]

lol i'll be less angry on my kids after this video.

[@Ocker3]

"It's just a phase" is often true, but then there's Another, different phase. But it's not just the kid being an arse, their brain is changing a Lot over time, and they're dealing with a lot internally. Hopefully you're able to spend time with other parents to destress so you have enough energy to give the kids space.

[@LovelyLady1111]

I'm sure that it's such a relief to know that it is what is SUPPOSED to happen, so it'll be easier to accept when they're acting up. What a good parent you are!

[@therapytimewithjen]

Wow. Such a powerful message in less than 6 minutes. Gonna listen to this one several times. Stirred up some emotions for sure 😢

[@gracejaklik2617]

Feeling same, watching second time…..stunning wisdom

[@JuanTorres-ji5jh]

It happened to me that I had to grow up very quickly, often called an "old child" ever since I was 6. I realized that I skipped some of these stages in my life, but I didn't know how important these were. I am 25, and just at 23 is when I had my rebellious phase, and I couldn't understand why I acted in such a way, as if I were an adolescent. Thank you SOL, now this video prepares me for the rest that will come.

[@sarahrose9944]

Same boat! I hope you’re caught up to whatever stage you need next.

[@HenceMan]

Same over here. Never had a moment in my life where I could “rebel” so I am in that moment of rebelling.

[@LovelyLady1111]

Are you me?

[@guethshinaaltena8257]

I missed the naughty stage. My parents were so strict, especially my Dad and I was scared of him. I was not allowed to do anything mean or show the dark sides of myself. I was punished for any little infringement of the house rules. I had to be a good daughter all the times, like 24/7. Mistakes were just never accepted. Now 20 years later, I fake being happy all time, and struggle with expressing my negative emotions. I can hardly differentiate between doing something bad and being bad. I rush to call myself "evil" for making unintentional mistakes, because I was never given the space to explore being naughty. I wish I had a chance to be mean early on so that I would be able to set better boundaries with others now and stop worrying about being a "good person" all the time. I am working on it now. This video brought me to tears, it explains so much.

[@YoBooBoo]

I think this video should be watched monthly as a reminder. Really well done.

[@zimik832]

I missed out on developing friendships after high school due to immigrating to a new country and facing the loss of mom. I am a very social person and recently I took a trip to somewhere where I stayed at a youth hostel and it made me realize how deeply I miss this interpersonal relationship and social bond but I am on my way to fix it now! :)

[@mr.marmot39]

i went to college at the age of 15, now at 23 im slowly realizing the hard way how much of teenage and young adult years i have lost and how i also has been isolated from my peer groups, is nice knowing im not alone

[@Nia-qc6jq]

Parentification does a number

[@edie4321]

And being put in day care as n infant/toddler, has to do a number on them too.

[@Nia-qc6jq]

@edie4321 nah kids need to socialize with other children and learn how to work with and next to each other - but the infancy daycare are more of a systemic issue not allowing parents time to take care of their infants without financial consequences

[@edie4321]

@@Nia-qc6jq, Yes, there are consequences for doing this. An infant thinks they are their Mother until age three. Families need to come together and prioritize the child. It has just become socially acceptable, and suggested, that money is the priority. People need to get their priorities straight. Then we'll demand a better world for the children. We need to prioritize them, for futures’ sake.

[@mark9294]

@@edie4321the opposite is happening and people are refraining from having children, because the burden is just too heavy

[@ducpham3599]

No wonder why the anti-natalist number is growing.

[@NeonAtary777]

It is one of the most painful things to hear people tell an 8 year old to behave because they are old enough. So much childhood memories are lost because we expect a child to behave like an adult while most adults still behave like children.

[@andrewtalidong5210]

It hurts because thats what I've experienced during my childhood

[@33Jenesis]

My mom always told us to get our education, don’t wait until later. We all did thankfully. When I turned 30 I realized how much more effort I had to exert to be in classroom to learn (from my one year training at work). Also if I was married with kids or a single mother it’d be 3x as hard (thankfully I wasn’t in those boats). I also never bought into traveling after being retired. I used up my vacation time and personal business time during my career to travel and to do things I enjoyed (road races, car camping, and climb mountains). After I retired I sort of lost the strong desire to travel. Planning, preparing, and execution become a lot more tedious. I would have never felt this way in my younger years.

[@atnoc8738]

This did me a lot of good... It teached me something that I already knew but could never explain. I missed the irresponsible and naughty stages. I jumped to the manners stage, always focused on how others were feeling, as a way of protecting myself. Now I'm 30yo and I feel lost, I don't know who I am and what I truly want. I don't feel emotionally connected to ideas or goals. I'm just trying to survive another day.

[@bmanpura]

Not all 8 stages are important for everyone. Everyone probably that the early stages are critical, but as time goes the stages diverges for everyone. Some people I know flourished because of their lack of development in the 4th - 6th stage and some others who's very well developed in the 1st to 4th stage but diverges from their parent's expectations in later stages. It's easy to judge others who doesn't fit the mold with these categories, so be very careful and find your own system.

[@josuejb3461]

1:42 their is an audio cut off. fitting in with the demands of the whta?

[@mitchiewrdmessable]

Turn on CC: "the demands of those around us"

[@raydiasdj]

Yes! A few glitchy spots for me, even when rewound and replayed. Audio keeps dropping out in bits

[@ParthPatel-ut4cx]

I noticed it too and ironically some part of me cant move on until its fixed :D

[@carlosfontanez9804]

Is there any reason for why that cuts off? I feel that is important enough to discuss as a developmental stage but not really important at all because manners are arbitrary. So it cuts off because it is somewhat subjective. Like it may be bad manners for a women or black man to speak up in some settings but now it is acceptable when it wasn't before.

[@markarca6360]

Society and authority figures.

[@gdr4175]

You've taken a huge step in recognizing the issues that plague you. I wish you luck in finding someone who can help you work through your problems.

[@ryan99842]

if you want to go deeper into the rabbit hole, 'Unveiling Your Hidden Potential' by Bruce Thornwood is a must-read

[@dangrove5794]

Likely scam

[@Gladius000]

This is a marketing scam for an unknown book and author. Bots clicking on the like button for the comment to promote the book.

[@michaeljhonny9570]

Comparing yourself to others is road to failure and unhappiness, we are different and should go our own way without overthinking our existence

[@Fer-5059]

this is probably one of the most important videos i have seen. For me, i´m mature beyond belief... or is it just forced responsabilities. I feel inmature, yet i need to feel useful. useful no mather the cost, sometimes against my will, or my health. learning to be a child with friends can be difficult when everything you know is the roughened up appearance of work. i tend to have low mood arcs because of this. and with this info, i can clearly see why it is there. i never learned how to be a kid.

[@notsomuchhere1387]

My mom died at 11 and being a parentified child filled with so much unhealed childhood and religious trauma leading to so much anxiety and an eating disorder , I am now allowing myself to get to know boys expirement with clothes and styles I was so self concious of before and I am finally allowing myself to just live now at 25 . I am starting therapy soon and I'm just so excited to heal and grow from all of this

[@amyj.4992]

Omg my mom taught me this too, and even held a class lecture with her students in Compton saying the same things and advocate for them when other people encroached on their innocence as kids

[@amyj.4992]

These people could never be God, because they don't have the heart posture to be God the most high

[@thatgirlwiththecrazyhair2067]

Amazing! What a simplified way of looking at things. I know things are missing in myself because of what's presenting in my adult life. I'll have to refer to this in times of crisis.

[@niarudle]

The question wether I've been missing out some development in growing up has been aching me for years now. Thank you for covering this! Turns out I'm missing 2 or 3 stages.

[@Autogenification]

Would also explain why you might be drawn to Gaara so much too!

[@niarudle]

@@Autogenification No, I won't. SAND BINDING COFFIN ! 👊 😋

[@IsaiahHollins]

The scary part about being alone for so long you get used to it 😢 😅you thought you never find someone until later in life they like you but you don’t develop those social cues because you never used them and they think you’re stuck up 😂 no it just their abnormal is your normal

[@rorokun_1666]

I totally understand that 😢 It’s so hard to trust ppl for me and it’s hard to open up to ppl and make real connections. And I worry I come across as standoffish to strangers

[@lesterdelacruz5088]

The adolescent idea rings true to me. Having sick parents and being their care giver in my teen years, I’m still emotionally bitter about it. After this video, I see patterns in my current adult life that are subconsciously sampling these developmental stages.

[@scalbaldyfruub7499]

This should be play in schools, frequently. Learning about learning is important and helps you better understand the world.

[@Rukoilla]

I skipped some of my early and late teenage stage. Yes it cost me greatly but that's life to me and I will have to bear with it.

[@L6FT]

I was always by my parents called a mature kid. I've always felt guilt for not pleasing people, and realise I still struggle setting boundaries, or opening my sexuality towards another person. I'll need to do some soul searching and find out what I've always felt like doing, but held back on, and so find a safe way to express it without ruining what is already working.

[@OS1540]

At 40 this really speaks to my life story. My life has always been a story of redemption for what I missed out on in the last stage. A lot of things I accomplished in life was always motivated by something that didn't happen for me in a past chapter. But it always came at the expense of missing out on the present. Whether it be high school experiences I didn't have or certain romantic or life experiences. The lesson for me now is just to accept whatever I can't control and do my best in the present in the most honest way and also realize not everyone is going to have the perfect life path but that's ok. Just do your best in the present, reach out to someone for help if you need to, and move forward.

[@tealversace]

26 and was diagnosed with BPD at 23 due to this exact premise. I was never given a safe space to have/express "inconvenient" emotions (anger, frustration, visible upset etc.) as an adolescent, so learnt to supress. When my body finally felt safe to feel those emotions - as I entered my 20s - I had no idea how to handle them. Have been working closely with my psych and an overall amazing support network to learn how to process those feelings, and re-training my brain to understand what situations warrant anger instead of it suddenly being a go to - something most people l earn much earlier haha. Super interesting video! Thanks.

[@ethereal946]

My adolescent stage was so ruined by my older sister, she spent my preteen years projecting onto me what I’ll be like as a teenager…I’d be playing with my dolls and she’ll say things like “oh the teenage issues you’ll have, you’re already starting to have some” She anticipated I’d be angry and I remember a night my parents called me to a sit down at about age 12/13 and gave me a talking to about how I was disrespectful and I asked them what they meant because nothing had happened prior to that moment and they told me my older sisters told them I speak to them like I want to slap them…they were not in the room with us and I felt accused and wanted to defend myself or at least have an actual example I too can relate to, my parents told me to keep quiet snd just listen…as they told me how I’m supposed to be this and that to them while they can be however they wish to me. I sat there and cried and none of it mattered, everyone made up their minds on a story I couldn’t even remember nor think is true.

[@spectrum910]

damn, that sucks

[@aussieliz2811]

So true, I’ve just started uni at 23 for the 3rd time after dropping out and cancelling offers that I realise how behind I am compared to my peers

[@FRIEDYOGURT-s4c]

I really feel like I missed key things such as 16-21 where i was addicted to drugs, no friends and family basically calling me like the embarassment of the family, and treating me as such. Im autistic and i have always and still do have a MASSIVE issue being told what to do and accepting discipline ect, im a high functioning autistic so i tried to avoid and hide it, and when i couldnt id just be filled with a rage and anger that meant i never actually learned my lesson, and now im an adult and have to face the adult consequences such as me being unemployed now, drugs ect. Ive tried opening up to my family but my relationship is just so bad with them, they have never accepted i might need just a bit more time and patience, and what they did for my childhood was create an enviorment where i could never be myself without being called things like pathetic, embarssing and more things like that, when i was little my mother would swat me all the time and being autistic that was incredibly stressful because i did not know what did and didnt result in a swat on my arm, belly, chest ect. then as a teenager I just developed this deep deep hate and anger that lasts to this day that means that someone just simply telling me what do just sends me into this mode where I do the opposite, i know im probably not explaining myself very well and there is more to this but my life is just a disaster now,

[@stormthrush37]

There are too many parents out there that want convenient children, not healthy children, and they view that natural process of maturing as a challenge and threat to their authority rather than a basic psychological need. It sounds like you might have a rare autistic complication called Pathological Demand Avoidance, or PDA, something I struggle with too

[@FRIEDYOGURT-s4c]

@@stormthrush37 Feels good to have someone I can relate too, ive never been diagnosed with PDA, but what are some of the things you struggle with?

[@stormthrush37]

@@FRIEDYOGURT-s4c I'd look up PDA and research it a bit more, I think it was an autistic advocate named Paige Layle I found out about it from here on KZbin and it completely fit to what I've been struggling with my entire life. I also have CPTSD, severe anxiety issues, and other fun stuff. My ability to do something as basic as maintain frirndships or go out in public is very difficult.

[@stormthrush37]

@@FRIEDYOGURT-s4c I'd look up PDA and research it a bit more, I think it was an autistic advocate named Paige Layle I found out about it from here on KZbin and it completely fit to what I've been struggling with my entire life. I also have CPTSD, severe anxiety issues, and other fun stuff. My ability to do something as basic as maintain frirndships or go out in public is very difficult.

[@MathMagician93]

​@@FRIEDYOGURT-s4c Just throwing the channel "I'm Autistic, Now What?" in here; she does a great job explaining PDA and how it feels on the inside. Her "14 Signs You Actually Have Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA)" video should help. Can't relate, as my autism presents differently, but I can understand. I (have to) work in a field where challenging authority is the job description. My defiance stems from the common overbearing sense of justice, rather than anxiety.

[@yaseenayoub4561]

I dropped out of highschool at 15. I started working for an investment bank 3 years later and burnt out for a multitude of reasons. I accomplished a lot for my age but am now back to square one. I couldn’t agree with this video more.

[@mindkindmom]

Great video. From the naughty stage, I had to move into the responsible stage at 9 years old as my mother was dying of cancer. Only after my son became an adult and financially independent was I able to let go of being responsible and indulge my prematurely grown-up child.

[@soonny002]

Yeah, I definitely missed many stages. But I arrived at the "life-is-not-perfect-so-just-love-yourself-for-all-your-flaws-and-deficits-because-you-can't-turn-back-time-and-your-therapist-is-not-your-parent-and-cannot-undo-the-damange-that-has-been-done-so-you-might-as-well-be-pragmatic-and-grateful" stage.

[@herekitty791]

Or you could've asked any self-aware bp kind of guy and he would've told you that therapy doesn't work

[@mckennalynn1916]

Because of having ptsd and other mental health conditions, I feel like I was robbed of a lot of these stages. Hope to go through them now.

[@robertlloyd122]

My parents were only 19 when I was born, and Mom left when by brother and I were very very small. It's only been in recent years that I realize how profoundly that affected both my brother and me. 💚

[@kuro758]

thanks.. i will be more patient with my kids

[@silife750]

By the end of the video.. I was in tears.

[@stevec404]

My first stage was a bit dicey. Mother couldn't go it alone and mother-in-law was enlisted. I remember being a very happy and outgoing kid, socializing and singing...around the ages of 4 through 6 or 7. Then I was told I would not graduate to the next grade. To me it meant I was not good enough, and the ensuing negative mindset behaviors imprinted and lasted for the next 70 years! Healing began a decade or so ago; the infighting between old programs and new mindset skills was and is horrific, and ongoing. I work to be free of this anguish once and for all. I had become, at an early age, an 'adult', more comfortable with parents' friends than with those my own age. Early rebellion at school ended with endless punishment there. I went inward to 'survive'. I sought to disengage as much as possible from a world I did not feel I belonged in. Mt life stages were either skipped, missed, or taken up at the wrong times. Talk about depression, anxiety, fear and failure...I had them all, every day. The sorrow and grieving have subsided somewhat. The past cannot be 'fixed'...just understood, and moved away from as we can.

[@donermann6617]

well said

[@Halo4beatsB02]

Are u autisitc by chance

[@firuzshoev6235]

One of the few psychology theories that feel true to me. Not sure about exact stages, they could be different. But agree about the cost of skipping them.

[@nonyeirozuru6635]

this is straight up one of the deepest videos I've ever watched

[@quankedg]

My father left this world too early, leaving a 3 year old me with my mother, she never remarries. The loneliness from being an only child who were home alone more often than not combined with emotionally unavailable mother make me always misunderstood yet didn't know why. My only parental figure doesn't care to get to know "me" because she get too immersed in making money that we doesn't gather much even until now. Instead, I was raised with society standard such as "teenager is known to be rebellious, so you (teen me) MUST be the same. I won't allow you to hang out with friends" and many other similar statements. Now, I just feel like an empty person with little to no experience of the world yet demanded to be a responsible adult. Life in this way is tiring you know... I'm putting this here as a POV from a child with this circumstance. I know I'm not alone because many "overprotective" parents is still parenting in this way. I know it's easier to raise a bird that never leave the cage, it won't get injured outside or didn't return home, but it won't be able to fly either so don't expect it to to ever reach the sky.

[@arthurpenfield8229]

I'm 36 and I've failed at life. I missed all key ingredients for a happy childhood and adult life. I've been alone my whole life and I'm used to it. I figured, sometimes life isn't meant to be happy and long. It has to be struggling and short life like my family did. They didn't make it to 50 years old because of poverty, sickness and lack of resources. I'm sure it'll be that same way for me too. 😢😢

[@mojo_joju]

Same

[@donermann6617]

although you have something they didn´t have - you have watched this video. think about it, it might make a difference. maybe there is a way to figure out how to complete some stages that you previously missed (which i think in todays world is sadly completely normal).

[@JLakis]

Dude. 38 is young.

[@CarlosMercadoINIGTDY]

how does poverty kill? I know bunches of old poor people...

[@donermann6617]

@@CarlosMercadoINIGTDY dude, read up on the health effects of poverty.

[@colinfox2778]

Ok, so now that I know I've missed the Sexually Exploratory phase and the Emotionally Committed phase, how do I become young again so I can complete those stages and stop being depressed? I have so much love to give, but no one to give it to. Being partially-disabled sucks.

[@JLakis]

That's a song! "I Have Forgiven Jesus."

[@regaininglife9084]

I missed these too. In fact, I've never even made a real connection or any friends since I was a kid. Never had a chance to really be independent, explore who I was, develop emotionally and socially, etc. I was literally thrust into being an adult and have been on survival mode ever since (44 now). It's always felt like I have had no time to simply "be" and feel safe or stable enough to attempt any relationships. I carry around a feeling of not belonging or fitting in. The not fitting in can also be viewed as a good thing. I tend to not like to follow the crowds and I like to be independent in my thoughts. I realized my difficulties of not being obedient and compliant in school was not such a bad thing. I got punished, but as a result, I developed a certain way. I am a much more critical and independent thinker. I've had small glimpses of relationships, success, and development but I always fall back due to people in my family interrupting it with their narcissism. It's making me extremely bitter. One thing that really hurts me and seems like I am greatly missing is just deep connection, a sense belonging, and having the ability to develop relationships. I've never had a girlfriend or any meaningful relationship with a woman. I can remember being a teen and feeling like I am not allowed to have the chance. My families demands, dysfunction and the extreme needs and selfishness robbed me of much of my development and freedom to explore. This all carried into a adulthood. I have had some time to be independent and develop in some areas and I got to a point where I felt like I had a sense of self and separation from my family. I began to like myself and I even dreamed a little. I even began to feel like I can develop relationships. But this was taken away due to my family and their narcissism again. I've had enough and I have moved and gone no contact. The thing is, all throughout my life I have had people show interest me in. I used to think I was inherently bad and no one likes me. But this myth was destroyed when I realized women find me attractive and some men like me and even look up to me. I feel like I have value and much to offer, based on the external feedback I have received. It's just when you come from a chaotic and dysfunctional family full of narcissists you struggle to break free from their hold on you. Now and like in the past, they come/came in between your healthy development and overall happiness and satisfaction.

[@colinfox2778]

@@regaininglife9084 Thank you for sharing. At least you are in a better place and can hopefully get better without those negative people in your life. I unfortunately cannot get rid of my disability. Women see that and never me. After all, why settle for a broken man when there are many more who are fully functional..

[@regaininglife9084]

@@colinfox2778 What sort of disability? I don't have any physical problems but I have had and currently struggle with psychological ones like depression, anxiety, shame, anger, etc. It's hard to find a balance. I tend to withdraw from people when I struggle like this. It seems that there are lingering problems with both my development and my family/environment that holds me back. This is why these issues come up and why I can't get ahead.

[@Rithmy]

@@colinfox2778 You have yourself. I know it sounds cheesy but thats what it all comes down to. I don't know if im deluding myself, but life feels better when im constantly reminding myself to give love to myself by caring for me. Such words often dont help, but sometimes you really only have yourself. And you can be proud for managing it on your own. I never realized that because i am very good at being with myself (bc i had no one to rely to); but its really hard to do that. Lonelyness is a strong force. To withstand it for a long time is no small deed. Yet no one can withstand it for ever... "I have much love to give" was also a Sentence of my past. Im even surprised that my current self is different... Now i know that my proffession did not solve that problem (im helping people) and also surprisingly finding my first sexual touching point at age 30 did not solve it. Putting more energy in finding and maintaing friendships helped. Finding my passion for plants helped. Loving myself helped. Being honest to myself and stranger and everyone (only if its not dangerous) helped. Looking out for an environment that promotes those values helped ALOT. Kinda found my place in the dancing community, maybe i expressing things through my body helped too. Maybe all those areas kinda helped me figuring out that loving people or loving myself isn't easy. It will often be misunderstood, depending on how skillfully you can handle it. Long story short: I found people and a "home"(people i live with) in which i am allowed to be childish. Maybe that allowed for those missed stages to somewhat fill again. Dont be afraid of being childish (unless there is a real substantiall risk involved; stay safe too)

[@1nnef4ble]

There is a sound issue at 1:42, you might wanna check that. Nice video though.

[@sebastianwhitestone7504]

I like to view this as not being a mistake, we don't always have to be aware of everything going on around us to be polite. People can ask us if they need something, and we can respond how we see fit.

[@abhay8437]

KZbin flagged it prolly

[@diabl2master]

​@@abhay8437 Uh. Pretty sure all he said was "those around us"

[@Naurin-uz2kk]

The subtitles say "with the demands of those around us"

[@Relaxation_tunez777]

Above us😂😂maybe

[@theBadlandsghost]

Watching this video made me realise no one has it all covered. Everyone's bound to miss at least one stage and that it's okay, as long as you recognize it and take responsibility for becoming a more complete person

[@francesco2d326]

Comparison is the thief of joy in this case too. Everyone's life is different, childhood etc. We shouldn't feel bad for the past because it's gone. We should look forward to the future to take control of our life. Besides I don't think there are set in stone stages, I see it more like different experiences that we should get. At the end of the day is the present and future that matter most.

[@theBadlandsghost]

@@francesco2d326 I agree, but feeling bad for your past is one thing, not breaking harmful patterns and healing from past traumas is another. We cant hope for a better present and future without reconciling with our past, sitting with our hard feelings and a processing them. In the end the only person we should be comparing ourselves to is past us.

[@caresword]

Life sucks for those who are not fortunate enough to be born in a loving and mature family. My childhood was a mess. We moved consistently between countries as immigrants and now cities to find work and community to belong to as a family. But ontop of that my family was a toxic love-less rage filled environment. I never got to experience much emotion when i was young besides anger, rage, the occasional laughter, hate and sadness.

[@kyototo.]

May we all find healing on the journey｡

[@williamphanz]

Wow, this gives me a new way to look at my current arc in life. Thanks a bunch! 😊

[@sarahrose9944]

Your timing is impeccable

[@smoshbooz]

I definitely missed the sexually exploratory stage. I was/am not confident at all, bad self esteem, scared of disappointment because I have been and it felt horrible. Other people seem to just move on and be good with it, they just *do* things. I struggle so hard not carrying things with me. I'm 26 and I still can't maintain a relationship. I'm also constantly looking for sex like someone in highschool or a college student would. I don't feel ready for a commited relationship at all yet. However, when I've tried, it still didn't work out because I "don't match emotionally". I'm also depressed so that doesn't help. Don't have a driving license, scared to get it, still not graduated college. No motivation or energy for anything. Work life scares me to death. Only have like 1 real friend. Taking medication but that even doesn't do much. Just keeps me a bit less sad but also tired and numb. But rather be numb than sad. Don't know if I really want to continue in this way. Doesn't seem like I fit this life. I don't care about going to work and sitting in front of the tv for the rest of my life alone. At 26, I have nothing to offer a person my age for a relationship.

[@louiseradtke1059]

Sometimes all you gotta do is stay alive. I understand you do not want to keep going like this and I'm very positive you won't. The most important relationship you'll ever have is with yourself, honestly. Focusing on this relationship, you'll find a very lovable person within you and by that time you'll be able to let yourself be loved, as we need to learn to love. You are the only person that you can't live without! It doesn't mean that you 'don't need anyone else', but the essencial motivation you need is inside you. Personally, what helped me in a very similar journey, was opening myself to experiment with my own body, you know... Explore the fabulousness of my own pleasure and find out what I like, what I love and what I won't tolerate... Also, having in mind that that every single moment will end. Being alive is hard AND is worth the effort. I wish you a long and beautiful life :)

[@avanimishraa]

This explains so much of people's behaviours!

[@NightMystique13]

As a child of abusive narcissistic parents, one a drunk, I was parentified and hyper responsible.

[@stormthrush37]

Much the same here

[@Pat1100-z7u]

Im really sorry to hear that, cant imagine the pain you must have felt. The fact that you are alive and writing this comment shows your strenght.

[@priscilam.9808]

Im sorry you had abusive narcissist parents too. My mom is a narcissist and my dad was someone like me that just decided to withdraw emotionally. I'm in my early 40s now. I just wanted to tell you that you are not alone. I hope we can all do some healing. Cheers my virtual friend.

[@fillipe4700]

I think I'm missed some... ❌The adored ❌The irresponsible ❌The naughty ✅The manners ❌The rebellious ❌The sexually exploratory ✅The responsible ❌The emotionally committed I was born in a household where mistakes were not welcomed, love weren't unconditional and only results mattered, a place where you could share your views because I own my life to them. When I try to challenge these, I hate myself even more, I feel guilty and ashamed in the meantime I get punished. I feel punished for being born... Anyways, thanks for the good video (as always! :))

[@Eldare]

I love this channel so much! Glad I found it

[@イライジャ_Elijah]

(This is merely a suggestion, and if you’d like to try, go ahead! If not, by all means, do not.) I may have thought of a way to work out the different stages that had been skipped. I just thought of it so it may not be greatly explained, but hear me out: Either find or create a way of simulating the stages from the first to last, the best way I can think of is through chat ai bots that can respond in ways that help at the stage you are needing to fulfill, and once you have gone through it, prompt the ai that you are older, and behave the way you need to at the stage you are now, until you have simulated each stage. Though we can’t change what has happened in the past or some circumstances and or people in our reality, we can construct ideal scenarios with the goal of mentally and emotionally experiencing what we had missed, potentially having some kind of effect.

[@terriyang2861]

Omg I came to the comment section to look for ideas and inspo a for healing. AI such a good idea!

[@firenzecaffeination-nm4ox]

The knowledge that you are sharing is invaluable. It makes me furious, that young people who know nothing about parenting and are emotionally unhealthy go on to raise children, thus hurt the future people.

[@samrat447]

Wow!!! Excellent content. You guys are like free therapists. Thank you so much for being here.......And now for the disturbing realization that I must have missed a stage.

[@shortstackJMD96]

This is a phenomenal channel.

[@notfunny3397]

"Wow anon, you're so mature for your age" Rip

[@someguycalledcerberus9805]

Woe is the 35-year-old realising he missed out on the dating a high-schooler stage.

[@unicornishcornish]

I've been searching which psychology theory this video was based on and couldn't find anything. So either school of life made up their own theory or renamed the stages to make them friendlier to a regular person.

[@bro5846]

Was thinking this, I am hesitant to take this and run. Going to be digging deeper into their sources for these claims when I have the time. Seems a little too convenient.

[@badges2142]

@@bro5846 id love to read more on this, did you find anything?

[@wordstolightourpath]

This is content is indeed realistic and full of wisdom. I hope many people would be able to watch and take to heart the lessons from this video. Thank you school of life for you dedication in helping humanity to get better each day. You are doing great things to humanity and for generations to come. Cheers...

[@zhuzhong74]

I’ve read the School of Life at least 2.5 times. And this video somehow is exactly what I needed. Thank you Alain De Botton!

[@DeepakKumar-jx9vt]

Finally something that felt like a real solution to raise a kid who was not "misunderstood by his parents". My mind will remind me of this teachings whenever my kid is adamant, naughty.. he is 5.

[@yellowlynx]

In East Asian societies, because we entered school at an early age, the process of "socializing" shortened the stages of "irresponsible" and "naughty" stage. At around 4 for most of us, the "Manners" stage start, and the "Rebellious" stage is suppressed.

[@newchangeunlisted_viewer5594]

This is not only helping my 20's inmensely But it also feels so valuable for new parents The importance of allowing your child to experience all of these stages at the right times

[@nias3202]

Thanks a lot. That makes me think of stages I have missed. Even though there might be things, I'm not sure if it's helpful going back. I recognize that I lack certain experiences, they shape my behavior, but now as I know, it's okay, and I feel no need to replace them. They are the scars which cannot disappear, but they don't have to. A lazy answer.

[@reddark3496]

This actually opened my eyes. Thank you so much!

[@Microphonunlock]

this is bad like i identify with this video 100% and seems impossible to catch up on several stages, its like im bound to be some sort of bizarre all my life dealing with social rejection and its terrifying

[@edie4321]

I'm really concerned for all the day care and latch key kids. That form of neglect is going to have major effects. Many of which we already see in our high crime rates today. They ALL have attachment disorders. How does one deal with money and status being more important than an infant/toddlers sense of self. They are shattering them. I'm sure this is adding to the high level of autism diagnosis at this point too. So many issues start right there. If you can't even wait until your child can talk to institutionalize them, there will be consequences.

[@LarryNgetich]

Thanks for this one, Alain. I'm paying for this right now, and I wouldn't want my kids to miss out on being kids.

[@JoseRamirez-xs5lq]

This video came 10yrs little late,, wish I would have known, felt like I was in a serious relationship when I should have been exploring and getting to know my self better:/.. but at least it wasn't a lifetime to late:)

[@yoppindia]

Some wounds are never healed, we will carry it to our grave.

[@Golden_Kelsi]

Shut out to the illustration! 😇

[@JLakis]

Animation!

[@Syco108]

I heard "you are mature for your age" all throughout growing up

[@ibilis44]

Thank you for presenting this beautifully created concept video. Could you also mention the corresponding age range along with the key stages in development. Thanks.

[@AngelaFarrer]

By the time I was a teenager, the combined demons of abuse trauma, destructive coping mechanisms, and undiagnosed maybe-ASD were riding with me. At the rebellious stage, they picked me up and threw me off the train onto the platform, with “That’s it! You get off here! Your sorry azz isn’t going any further!” A good analogy for how I’m still emotionally 17 forever. My body ages and I intellectually learn things, but..yeah…

[@that_benji]

Well.... that explains a lot.

[@tiararobinson3965]

This one is a true gem.

[@AjMariano]

For basically the entirety of my high school years, I was severely crippled with an unknown Chiari malformation that made it very difficult to do anything with my body. I couldn’t walk, speak, swallow correctly, see straight, or even breathe at night, having my parents wake me up every time I stopped. I was always tired and on the brink on almost dying. I feel that wasn’t able to experience the time in which I was meant to learn how to build relationships, become emotionally committed to things, and find my own independence. I went into surgery in January of this year, which thankfully relieved of many of my symptoms and has made me feel the most alive I’ve felt in 4 years, but now I’m starting college when I feel like I should still be in high school. I swear I’m trying my hardest to be on top of everything and succeed but I’m mentally restrained from my ability to do so. I need to save myself but I don’t know how.

[@naipe9]

As a Japanese child I was pushed into being mature since i was a toddler, I kind feel like crying when watching this video.

[@realhumanist71]

Part of me rebels at this model (maybe because I missed my rebellious stage). But I was a mature kid not driven by peer pressure. Does missing that stage really matter? I missed the stage after, too, the sexual exploratory stage. I want almost straight from high school into marriage. But isn't that what a lot of Christians are supposed to do? At the time I was one. But having said all this I do yearn for my high school years because I never really dated much, okay, by not much, I mean not at all. And I didn't go to college. And I wish that I had more fun instead of just pursuing my studies (is that rebellious stage). I'm skeptical but I desperately which I could relive high school. Is that not something that everyone experiences? I thought it was normal to want to go back to do it again. I don't think. Despite not going through those stages, I enjoyed high school, or at least the people that were there. But I didn't really spend a lot of time with them and I graduated the year after so I never got to say goodbye to my friends. I do have a plan though. Facebook has put me in touch with some of the people that I liked and I want to plan at mini-reunion. The whole idea makes me happy. I don't know if that's healthy but I think maybe I can get some closure. I'm still skeptical but I appreciate the video. It's given me some possible insight into who I am and maybe why I dwell so much in the past and just can't get past it at 53. Thank you!

[@Analogoutlier]

Its never too late to recreate fun and memories

[@88nutshell]

I also missed my rebellious stage, but honestly I don't think it matters. I had great parents (neither very strict nor too permissive) and wasn't affected much by peer pressure, so I didn't really feel the need to rebel against anyone. Somehow I always knew what I wanted in life and never cared much what people think, so I didn't have to go through that rebellious stage to find out who I was. I was happy then and I am happy now. So, like you, I am a bit skeptical about this video - I think it's a bit simplistic.

[@dharmakaurkhalsa3923]

Love this one! To the point and nailing it.

[@kirandeepchakraborty7921]

It is not always easy for everyone

[@weston.weston]

Excellent segment, Alain, per usual.