The Hidden Signs of Recovery from Abusive Relationships

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@Followthesuntarot 5 ай бұрын

I was with a narcissist for 28 years and finally escaped the craziness. I am in 5 years of recovery but feel I will never fully recover after years of emotional and mental abuse. I lost most of my friends because he plays victim and according to him, I snapped and lost my mind. I have learned 3 important lessons since I have been gone, 1) no one, no one will ever know what you have been through unless they have been through it too. 2) I have learned self-love and 3) be patient with myself and the process, progress not perfection. Thank you for your videos, you completely understand the silent abuse we have been through.

@Truthteller1s 5 ай бұрын

I was in a 29 year marriage with a narcissist/sociopath. After going no contact, I was having heart palpitations and panic attacks. This finally stopped after almost a year.

@christinefeinholz9115 5 ай бұрын

Experiencing this mow ❤❤❤

@Truthteller1s 5 ай бұрын

@@christinefeinholz9115 I seriously thought I was having a heart attack at times. I think it was all my hormones being out of whack from the years of stress. My body had to readjust. No more continuous fight or flight. Hang in there. It should get better. 💪❤️

@Truthteller1s 5 ай бұрын

@@christinefeinholz9115 Have you gone no contact?

@Lyrielonwind 5 ай бұрын

@@christinefeinholz9115 Try slow deep breathing and guided meditation. Don't get discourage when your mind goes wild while meditating, it's normal and it's not easy to slow down your mind. I do the laziest form of yoga which is yoga nidra 😂

@skyeriem 5 ай бұрын

This is helpful. Went no contact with Mom six months ago. Have been having panic attacks. I see this is very common for narc survivors.

@karenhathaway1631 5 ай бұрын

Love the way you talked to and treated your lovely dog. You are simply a treasure of a man. ❤

@patriciafry8634 5 ай бұрын

So true-their misery in later life is of their own doing

@alenagoddess2400 5 ай бұрын

I noticed that the addictions or routine use of alcohol or other substances is no longer necessary as a crutch for dealing with these people. It also made it easier to cut other toxic people out because you're able to spot it much easier once you understand it. It's a process of excluding toxicity and allowing people back in that are trustworthy not just anyone.

@Lyrielonwind 5 ай бұрын

I'm trying to learn more about the Reticular Activating System in the brain. I found out that I don't care as much about dirty looks, smirks and that kind of stuff that use to trigger me. I'm accepting that stupid, arrogant and narcissistic behavior will always be out there and it seems it doesn't affect me as much because I'm better at not taking it personal. Just let them be and stay away and unaffected.

@selah5792 5 ай бұрын

Ive been starting to remember parts of myself and my life before the nightmare. Its taken six years of recovery/no contact. I am able to be outside more and am able to do physical things like walking and gardening.

@HarryBarker-yp1xv 5 ай бұрын

I have educated myself enough to know what narcissism is and I now grasp the concept that they have no power over me bc I know who they are not. They are not God. even tough most of them think they are. Life is more pleasant. I got a dog and a kayak!

@Lyrielonwind 5 ай бұрын

When we can see them as spoiled nasty toddler they lose all the power because we can't take them seriously.

@Genxmom 2 ай бұрын

Your channel is so helpful. Thank you so much for helping us. I was married to an overt narcissist for 13 years. He always told me that I would never survive without him. I got out 10 years ago. We coparent 2 daughters together. That is still tough. I have made slow progress in moving forward. I have learned by making mistakes and God has helped me a lot. You are very validating. Thank you

@howyduinyall7653 5 ай бұрын

Thank you Darren for the calm delivery, the time you spent on this and the logical way it was developed together with the insightfulness you have of this sad condition that afflicts many in this sad time in human history. Revelation 21 verse 4 gives us comfort and hope for better times ahead.

@beverlystover3987 5 ай бұрын

You are so real and down to earth. I see a bit of myself in all of the things you speak of. I am healing. I have reconnected with my family and am taking art classes and book clubs. There are still people that kinda shock me with their narcissistic behaviour but I am not set completely back on my heels and don’t blame myself nor ruminate so much. Have not arrived. But am on my way. I have learned to accept myself as well warts and all. Have turned a corner! Thank you Darren!

@KayAhern 5 ай бұрын

I was raised by a narcissist mother and had never learned boundaries . That further kept me repeating abusive relationships never knowing that I had a choice to leave. I’m 44 I’ve just for the first time in my life allowed friends to love me and show me boundaries that keep them safe. This is so healing because I’d convinced myself I was unlovable. Now I know I am healing because I’m learning to be safe trusting I am actually lovable. I isolated myself and it was the worst thing for someone who’s never learned how to love themselves or was never nurtured . Now I don’t wanna hurt myself anymore feeling empathy for people who are abusive is not healthy if you don’t love yaself first. Xx I chose to love me now x

@joydavis1670 5 ай бұрын

Many channels that focus on narcissist abuse are from some that may be still licking there wounds ( not all,but some). This channel & video has been excellent in educating & moving forward. Thankyou Darren.

@MichNative01 Ай бұрын

I'm at the point of knowing who and what my narc is...im saturated...im now more interested in ME. I'm moving on, I the star and I MATTER!!! THANK YOU!!

@BigHugsFromHell 5 ай бұрын

The turn-around moment happened for me when I dared to look at what they were up to and see if they found someone new, usually a bad idea. They were, but all I felt was horrible for the new guy. He was clearly being mistreated in the photos already, and appeared much more vulnerable and malleable than myself, with her seeming to learn a lesson from me to target someone with low self esteem from the start rather than try to tear down the defenses of someone who has a thicker skin. I only felt awful for the guy. Everything else I was still confused about otherwise sorted itself out right away.

@Anivasion 5 ай бұрын

I will definitely edit and add to this through listening to this entire video, but for once, due to the opening request, I think I'd like to be as candid as possible with what comes to mind. During the 7 years of mind numbing abuse, I experienced disassociation for the first time in my life, in my bathroom mirror. I didn’t feel like I was "myself" anymore, and told my sister I believed I was broken in ways I could never recover. One side effect of the healing started showing itself as little callback memories to things i didnt even realize I still had "in there", like going through a very old photo album and seeing familiar things, you didn’t keep in your thoughts anymore but once you recall one piece, other things start to fill in. Well this is happening to my brain all the time now. I feel like lights are being turned on in there, reopening whole areas of times before his abuse. This self reawakening has been going on for half a year now, and i do feel like I found myself again, like it was blocked off to protect it from his damage. I never thought this was possible, and I feel like I did lose 7 years of my life but I also feel like I somehow got back to where I should be, or I'm definitely on the right track now. I'm already feeling authentic but i still have progress to make. I hope if you are in the dark right now, feeling you lost your Self, feeling broken beyond all repair, please know YOU aren't gone, you're just hiding. Don't give up and give in to them, it's never too late to get away and begin to heal. Awareness of the reality of WHAT the narcissist did TO you is a huge step that you've made. Keep going because it can get better, and I thought it never could again.

@stavokg 5 ай бұрын

Thank you so much for writing this. I, for one, needed to read it.

@Gmelonhead 5 ай бұрын

People say I look much younger than him now. 19 years out of it but lots of fallout and the kids had collateral damage that is finally resolving some. I tried to warn them,but in a calm non judgmental way. I actually didn’t know what was wrong with him. They finally saw for themselves and that was hard to take. He did use their trust to undermine them to get to me. It was sad for them. I expected it. Especially after getting educated on this topic.

@Lyrielonwind 5 ай бұрын

Sometimes I think of Cassandra and her frustration when she was predicting the future but no one believe her.

@vincecavedog3219 5 ай бұрын

I've gotten a lot healthier was physically sick for quite a while! After 4 and a half years I realize to not take it personally for what her nitemare upbringing made her.

@Lyrielonwind 5 ай бұрын

Not taking others' bs personal is the best approach. After all, narcissists are stuck in their mindset because they don't have the guts and the will to change and evolve but we do.

@mapleleaf902 5 ай бұрын

I am saving this for replay over and over. I find that this so helpful and validated that I am really starting to heal. Thank you so much!

@sonyasaywell-z7h 3 ай бұрын

This is just SO spot on - everything you said! I stumbled across your channel several months ago after 33 years of being married to an abusive man and immediately resonated with it. So graciously, kindly and accurately expressed. And so very very helpful. When sessions with a counsellor or therapist are not quite hitting it, are weeks apart, inaccessible and very expensive this encouragement, advice and support has been an absolute saviour for me. I cannot thank you enough Darren, your words and presence at times most needed have literally saved me from totally losing myself in the confusion and despair. Such an amazing balance of compassion, empathy and hope, with such great advice and information.

@susantalebzadeh9741 5 ай бұрын

This is one of your best. You described my path. I have said several times now that Dr. Ramani helped save my life! I You Darren came later. I also want to put a shout out to dr. Carter and Terri Cole

@speciallion1135 5 ай бұрын

Thank you very much for your profound video. I can now sense, that I am almost at the end of this cycle of healing, from a five month relationship. I have gathered new & reaffirmed old insights, regarding narcism & human behaviour/psychology, which bolsters my spiritual & emotional growth. I was married for 32 years, until widowed three years ago, when I met this new lady. My late wife had been horrifically emotionally abused by her first husband of twenty years & again, during a thirteen year relationship after that. I was 19 & she was 51 when we first met, so a big age difference. Anyway, my wife's adult children all have varying degrees of narcism & passive aggressiveness & I witnessed this behaviour during our 32 years together. But the point I am trying to make, is that I have experienced the narcissistic abuse in this new relationship & now fully appreciate what my beloved late wife went through in her early life. I am now at peace & fully content with my life on my own.

@vierseisoenekind5044 4 ай бұрын

Thank you. This video was extremely helpful. Not to validate the abuse, but refreshingly, the healing process. To justify and create awareness and thereby thankfulness for our growth and how far we've come. I went no contact after 50 years with a probable narcissistic parent and sibling. Unfortunately due to a stroke in the parent, I now have to deal with both again. This video showed me how much healing I've gained in the 5 years and to concentrate on that and hold onto it. So that I do not spiral back. Thank you so much.

@IzabelaWaniek-i1x 5 ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing your wisdom and calm attitude Darren. 😊

@barbaralower7931 5 ай бұрын

My husband of fifty years was diagnosed just a few years before his death. When he passed away I was in shock and almost non functioning for months. The anger was trauma itself. You haven't spoken about these emotions much.

@r12-z1v 3 ай бұрын

I will remember this: "When we move forward, the moving on often catches up." Thank you! 45:38

@alenagoddess2400 5 ай бұрын

I've also noticed that people mainly men have grown tired of the word narcissist as they claim all women use it to describe them and blame shift. In a way this is doing an injustice to the actual survivors of narcissist abuse and confusing/watering down the true nature of abuse. This is an issue with labels. When you put a label on a group or personality trait and start categorizing people or putting everyone that may not agree with your point of view into that group it turns into a black listing as you're currently seeing with world events.

@Lyrielonwind 5 ай бұрын

Distorting language and fallacies are quite common in NPD. For instance, in my country whoever doesn't agree with extreme right wind ideology is being called communist but they complain when they are being called natzies.

@joydavis1670 5 ай бұрын

Ohhh......but we didn't see Freud before he was let out. I haven't met him yet. It's absolutely professional, for KZbin, I think. He's part of our support group 😎😎😎😎😎

@LovedWonllc 4 ай бұрын

Even with the US political climate being.. difficult often, the life I've built since going no contact has settled in with a deep sigh years later. This new life has trust, respect, comforts, and stability, vulnerability tended well, cherished stuff. Good support and counseling helped too. I'd been scared how things would turn out, if I was strong enough to weather goodbye, their backlashes, and rebuild. Scared I'd be stuck like that forever if I didn't cut contact, important things just getting worse and worse perpetually. Life is placid and healthy enough already that I wish I had done it years earlier. I worried about so much before, and now my only worry is they'll set their sights on me again (thankfully they've been quiet and seem to have moved on to others). It took years to give up and go, years of preparation and recovery to feel content and deep relief. Gratitudes abound. I wish I'd seen the futility, accepted it faster once clarity arrived, but I'm grateful I left when it finally all sunk in and resolve arrived.

@jeankipper6954 5 ай бұрын

I'm often calmer and less reactive of the bonehead things people say. MUCH easier because, thankfully, I've not given anyone currently in my personal life that authority. Nor have I any intention whatsoever to do so. Curiously, the guys, generally guys, seem to recognize that and go look for easier victims. The label 'narcissist' irritates them, the shoes fit so very well. Ha. Concommitantly, the ones who are not are precious, valued, and APPRECIATED!!!

@Rowganlife 5 ай бұрын

15 years, two kids. Now, domestic violence restraining order and getting house ready to sell, for a large profit to start my new life! YAY!

@Elizabeth-yg2mg 5 ай бұрын

That's congratulations!

@paularyan8400 5 ай бұрын

Disapproval!!!!!! And passive aggressive behavior!!!! Hallmarks of my experiences 😢

@joydavis1670 5 ай бұрын

Get Dr. Ramani's books on audible. Also her book, which gives an honest look at reality on both sides, titled, "Should I stay or should I go?"

@ginadean5696 5 ай бұрын

Thank You, I have come out of the storm and agree and appreciate all you brought up, very relatable.

@BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHX7 5 ай бұрын

The rumination loses it's intensity. You know the person whio harmed you is seeing someone who will do worse to them and see it as Karma.

@Lyrielonwind 5 ай бұрын

At my age, I also moan and complain about losing skills, lack of energy and a long etcétera but I don't want to be a whiner and I have been trauma dumping people which doesn't help to make friends but I was able to smile when I found out that Bette David said that old age is not for sissies 😂 I like that attitude and I want that same attitude for myself too. Thanks. It helps me to realize I'm not as stuck as I thought.😊

@herintuion88 5 ай бұрын

Thank U for sharing 🙏🏽🙏🏽

@matikramer9648 5 ай бұрын

Thank you very much

@margaretcraigva Ай бұрын

Much less rumination about the horrible things they did! They’re not worth the mental energy.

@nicholecornes1915 Ай бұрын

No let us see your dog! Its comforting

@theicemaiden5816 5 ай бұрын

You don't feel bad about how happy they are because you know it's fake. And anyone the narc is moving on to is just going to be another commodity for them to use.

@MaryDunford 5 ай бұрын

Wyle E. Coyote. 😂 Yeah. They're psychologically frozen and live in generalizations. Probably why they think everyone else is supposed to conform to that pattern as well. That's a big 🚩 when meeting new people. I typically don't try to encourage such people to rethink things anymore. They will or they won't. I also don't apologize for drawing conclusions based on evidence over time. I agree it's important to keep reminders to avoid repetition. But I'm not interested in anything hijacking my emotions. I found it helpful to revisit places (or perform activities that might remind me of something) that triggered me, and desensitized myself. Happy apathy is a beautiful thing. Meeting a diverse range of people on this journey has been a real blessing. I'm grateful for it all. 😁

@jeankipper6954 5 ай бұрын

Darren, please do waffle. Your accent is so charming... And you often slip good, pithy things in. Appreciate you!

@winter-qd4yw 5 ай бұрын

Thank you! Very informative!

@tmking7483 5 ай бұрын

I recovered when I was 5 after seeing people abuse my parents so they can abuse their kids

@Lyrielonwind 5 ай бұрын

No one can recover being 5 years old. Human's brain takes 25 years at least to develope fully when it does.

@Rowganlife 5 ай бұрын

do double comments help the algorithm.... i dunno...

@LisaSmith-yb2uz 5 ай бұрын

We start to notice all the various strings lessening, and slowly recognizing more clearly just how distorted your perspective may have been in many ways in your past. It’s like a long, continuous process of sifting through new and old information, values beliefs and boundaries.., becoming more habitually self aware and motivated by integrity as opposed to too much disarray ☺️❤️‍🩹