Recovering from Narcissistic Abuse: Identifying and Managing Emotional Triggers

[@DarrenFMagee]

Thank you so much for joining me this evening and a huge thank you to everyone who used the Super Chat I really appreciate your support and I will respond to any comments or questions you may have had as I read them back Apologies for the poor quality at the beginning of the livestream, I was broadcasting during a storm outside so maybe that affected the WiFi? Not sure I'm still learning how the 21st Century works!

[@gabrielleaumont3971]

Be brave be strong but not hateful. Let it go. It may take some time, but each time "trigger" comes, take a deep breath and let the memory go. God journey!

[@kaystephens2672]

Darren, I want to thank you for your work and your diligence in getting to the root of the problems that many of face today with family members and our past experiences. Many of them patterns of behavior that we can't seem to figure out. I just watched a woman's lecture on coercive control in the family system and I believe it helped me greatly. What I've learned from that lecture was profound. I'm in my 60s and realized many things about my family's past. I have a mentally disabled brother who was not properly cared for all throughout his life. The family's reaction to Him was the problem. Made the problem. He was an innocent child in the midst of ignorant adults. And it was their influence that further aggravated his situation. Just now did I See how evil is generated through fear and lies and ignorance. It ( their behavior ) became the problem that spanned 3 generations. I will say thus, I am thankful to have been given the insight to have recognized this. He was oppressed and I was too through being stigmatized by "he Family". The scapegoat needed to keep the "freak" away. This was psychological abuse by ingnorant, greedy people. None of who I have anything to do with. I appreciate people like you who have compassion and determination to help those in need. One day, you just see it and can never unsee the truth of what is hidden. .

[@yvetteandjorgenlarsen9753]

Ha! Join the crowd, Darren! When you said "damn the 21st century", you were expressing well what I hadn't yet found the words for. Thank you! I appreciate you every day.

[@terrid.9204]

Every betrayal begins with trust.

[@gabrielleaumont3971]

This is a STRONG statement and so true! Wow!

[@whitehairvillain36]

Took me a little while to understand this but how brilliant!

[@llkellenba]

I had this experience in my late 60’s when a difficult “friend” I’d known for a long time, a person I’d finally decided I’d had enough of the mean whiplash I consistently experienced when engaging with her, she literally brings up in a shaming manner the most sensitive topic that I’d ever shared with her…it was a stunningly vicious stab straight at my heart. Confirmation is what it was. Run not walk away from this narcissist.

[@jenacodex]

I've gotten to a point where if someone is giving me a troubling vibe I'll pretend I'm worried about something I'm not worried about at all. Nothing major, it never has to be huge for an ill-intentioned person to try to use it against you. If they turn around and bring it up when I say no to something unrelated I end the association. It's not foolproof but has been illustrative here and there.

[@psychicconsultant453]

You always put out some great info in a way that's easy to understand and applicable to real life situations. Thank you for the great work you do

[@sisugirl1702]

Than you for the video! I find hearing information repeated with different contexts and examples helps it sink in better for me. Something I already "knew" will suddenly hit me differently and bring new insight. So, your content topic over-lap is perfect for increasing my understanding and healing. I also enjoy your personal stories, Sci-Fi references and perceived presentation imperfections! It is humanizing and makes you relatable.

[@dianajane6185]

This has been wonderful, Darrin. I really appreciate these teachings, and your calm, straightforward manner. Thank you.

[@sheilamurry9875]

Betrayal is utterly cruel

[@someonesdaughter3180]

Thank you so much. I am about to attend two special occasion events with a small group of people who have been incredibly difficult for the last two years and it caused a great deal of suffering. Your content is helpful and I think I will listen a few times, to this one, so my mind can better absorb the points you make. It is much appreciated.

[@Andrea-HeIsKing]

Thank you for your insight. I'm new to your channel and after being through hell caused by two malignant narcissistic neighbors, I need to be as educated as possible to navigate this emotional stress these nasty people have brought upon me.

[@Susanshadows]

This makes so much sense, triggers…… this is exactly what I have been trying to explain. Saying something to me that they know will have the effect they are looking for to justify what will come next.

[@kaystephens2672]

It's so sick. To teach a child that irrational fear of public humiliation because of Their fear of a child embarrassing Them publicly. Children have to learn by making mistakes. I think you just explained social anxiety that so many people experience as adults because of the insane conditioning of a paranoid parent. I was put in ballet at 3 years old. No wonder I had stage fright. And maybe that's why so many people suffer from agoraphobia. To avoid those triggers of getting punished.. Sorry I couldn't be like Shirley Temple. .. How I wish I had known the problems She truly had. It all makes sense to me now. Your insight and words are truly a gift to people like me who want answers . I am so thankful that I found your channel. What Ive gleened from your studies is that You have to see the toxic root of a problem in order for it to stop growing and spreading to your children. The generation curse of insane logic.

[@ginag2375]

I just found your videos and they are SO HELPFUL! Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge and insight. ❤️

[@mores5780]

Experiencing triggered for past three years plus and never knew (?) THANK YOU for the reference to this vid Darren.

[@martinamoskale2445]

I love the Cranberries and their wonderful song "linger". Brings back lovely memories of holidays on the irish westcoast in the 1990's... What I don't love though are the memories that linger on in my psyche of the covert narcissistic family I had to grow up with. To everyone in the village they were hardworking,decent people providing for their people. At home though there was hell almost any day. The consumption of alcohol on their part made it worse even. They triggered each other by the minute so to say.There were shouting matches and violence. I could go on for hours...I know this shouldn't be the case but I'm very happy there are more people all over the world who have had similar experiences. Sounds stupid but it gives me some sense of "belonging". I mean I'm glad there are people who understand what I'm talking about as there are few who can relate to what suffering from narcissistic abuse and having been programmed by their mindsets and attitudes feels like. I hope it makes sense. English is not my1st language. I like your channel very much. You give very good and understandable information . Thank you very much from Germany.

[@Lyrielonwind]

Narcissists makes you feel like you are the worst person in the whole planet and when you realize you are not the only one who has suffered their creepiness makes you understand that it's not your fault. They gaslight you to make you believe you deserved the abuse. You are not alone.

[@jaredmclaughlin7806]

Darren, you are amazing. Your videos are so helpful. I grow when I watch your videos. I learn something new. Or I learn something I already knew on a deeper level. Also, not many therapists can give specific examples. The narcissist might say this. Or they might say that. So often you are dead on. It is so hard to describe these things. To explain how the narcissists plays their games. Nobody tends to understand you. And the memory loss with trauma makes it worse. But hearing your descriptions, and especially your examples. I havent seen anyone do it better. Thank you, thank you, thank you. This video was awesome. Just like the rest of them. Thank you.

[@richardgoreilly4706]

Thanks. Incredibly informative - will have to go back for a repeat.

[@flutterbyblue3639]

Absolutely brilliant! Watching this has strengthened something I've wondered for a while... which isn't so much about triggers for me but more about recognising patterns, and using that recognition to draw strength and learn

[@fpdhu]

Start journaling each night: (1) What did I do today that WAS in alignment with my ideal self?; (2) What did I do today that WASN’T in alignment with my ideal self?; (3) Thankful for? To add to the four criteria Darren mentioned..

[@jeffreyjackson5229]

"Some triggers are worth avoiding"- Absolutely.

[@bekind7288]

I really appreciate your videos and love the longer ones ❤ very helpful no matter what stage of healing I'm in. Thank you Darren!

[@michelleuk676]

Hi Darren, great content as always. Please don't do any social media courses! Love your natural, human connection😊. I've been working with my 'triggers' for a long time and through self help and therapy have learned to recognise them. Now when I sense a trigger, usually by how I'm feeling and then questioning the emotion, I stop, take a slow, deep breath, look around me and bring myself into the present. I have a mantra-'That was then, this is now, and I am safe'. It's taken time but I've definitely noticed the impact of my emotional response is less painful and I recover faster. Looking forward to your next forum on boundaries, I had to reinforce one with my narc parent recently and am awaiting the 'fall-out'😏. Thanks Darren ❤🖖

[@JacobT-1]

Thank you so much Darren. Listen to you while playing video games and this combo helps me a lot. Like, the videogame is a distraction and your voice and words are genuine help and affirmation. Thank you thank you.

[@AStephT]

Thank you for your wisdom! It helps bring me clarity and comfort 💞

[@jeffreyjackson5229]

I didn't put it off at work. I informed them of the boundary, expected them to accept it, and will definitely happen if they don't: management will get involved. On 9/22, as we were about leave for the weekend, I could tell that the individual want to make another passive aggressive remark (my research online revealed this is what it is, ultimately, because, I refuse to date them) and quickly remember the consequences if the statement was made. Life has taught me to establish boundaries and not compromise them.

[@amber40494]

I didnt like my ex husband ogling and flirting with other women, so he did it as often as possible when we went out. He also would not have a conversation with me or share time at end of day. If he met me for lunch he would ignore me completely, like a pouty child. Then said oh im sorry and laughed. It was emotional abuse by neglect. I was totally conditioned to stay quiet and not let him know how hurt i was from growing up with a scary, narcissist fathet and cruel narc mother.

[@winter-qd4yw]

Great informative video with wonderful information, as always! Thank you!

[@BigDaddyCane777]

*If you remember anything, remember this.* The more you *talk* to a narcissist, the more of your *feelings or emotions* you express to a narcissist, the more ammunition you give them to use against you. Do not express opinions. Do not express emotions. Do not let them know what hurts your feelings or offends you. Once they identify your soft spots, they will use them to repeatedly get an emotional response from you.

[@sandyveldhoen3307]

Thank you for this - so very helpful!

[@skinscapetattoo]

I think you’re Super! Concise clear and calm.. enlightening, thanks

[@fairygurl9269]

Look Back to See What You Survived with Less Tools In the Past and Then Trust You to Keep You Safe Secure & Authentically Loved Going Forward With Better Resources Support & Tools as You would Protect Others You Truly Love too 💞 Thank You Sir 🤗

[@llkellenba]

Boy I’ve learned to keep my trap shut until I genuinely know and trust someone very well. Takes time to create history, see a pattern …

[@emmaprice766]

Went no contact for 6 months after 13 years. Done it so many times before. He kept going back to his ex. TRIANGULATION. He has been stalking me for over a week and I bumped into him, had a drink with him. Stupidly I ended up bringing him back. Now I can't get rid of him. Back to the hoovering stage.

[@nicolenickel5743]

When I left my ex, he told me he didn't want to live without me. He wanted to die. I told him he was controlling me, again. His reply "it's not controlling, I'm giving you the power. It's your choice"

[@justice8563]

My narcissist sister loves to torment me and causes me to trigger. I truly hate her and what she has done to my life.

[@Bhappi137]

Weaponising someone’s weakness is a disgusting and despicable thing to do to anyone and it’s done by someone with no moral compass

[@tippimaravala]

Thanx, the abuse of triggering by nx door is 24 by 7, big boss is cruiseland, u great thnx and i do use triggers to free me

[@ultraviolet6989]

😂crazy that someone mentioned the Cranberries. My boyfriend (he wasn't a narcissist) was Irish and I got into the Cranberries because of him (1994). Almost 30years latter, something still happens when I listen to Ode to my Family.

[@MCat-yv3hl]

Tell a narcissist that you don’t like something and watch them do it ten times as much.

[@amber40494]

My ex also made fun of me for "seeing people the way i wanted to and not the way they really are". Probably referred to himself since i let him get away with alot.

[@aliceroberts1980]

My mother would get mad at me or jealous if I had a friend so I had none. My PTSD or CPTSD put people off I’m weird . I’m really weird. My narcissistic husband does the same thing I not aloud to have friends he’s not my friend. I get triggered by arguments, loud arguments I went to a play. My daughters was in a play about relationships and these people were arguing and I just couldn’t handle it. I had to get out of there.

[@fpdhu]

There is soooo much crossover between NPD and PPD......so much

[@JulieBroadwaterRealEstate]

I'm recovering from a narcissistic relationship with my kids father. Could you please discuss what I could do as a parent to make my kids okay even though they can't escape him

[@katiedid8192]

Love your kids, tell them how special they are to you, attend their school functions. Don’t put down their father to them. When they are old enough and they ask you why you are not together, tell them that their Father had some bad things happen in his childhood that has made it difficult to show love. Tell them daddy loves them but has a hard time showing it. That is what I did with my kids. All three adult children have thanked me for giving them a happy childhood. All three know that they were loved by me and their Father. 🙏🏻s it is tough.

[@daisycharles440]

Thank you, I needed to hear this today 😊

[@sxnd_in_thx_wxlf]

Did anyone get a tally count on the number of times he said "trigger"?

[@amber40494]

Thanks!

[@DarrenFMagee]

Thank you so much for your kind support

[@amber40494]

How to stop fawning when its so automatic?