Narcissistic Envy + Jealousy = Resentment

Рет қаралды 9,198

Күн бұрын

Пікірлер: 76

@maryvalley5089 2 ай бұрын

As my Irish grandmother said, they are the bride at every wedding and the corpse at every funeral. I say if they can't be, watch out! Thanks for all your insights. So helpful

@MT-tx7bu 2 ай бұрын

That is so spot on!

@kendradamm1428 2 ай бұрын

Love this saying!! 🥰

@TheThiaminBlog 2 ай бұрын

Awesome! Great comment 👍🏻

@suemiller6801 2 ай бұрын

My somewhat narsacist husband, when i was awarded an award in a volunteer org i was involved with, said "i guess they didnt have anyone else to vote for!!" That's when i quit sharing any personal accomplishments with him!!

@annie_charcheologist 2 ай бұрын

Any opportunity to cut us down! The number of times my (now ex) partner has belittled me - most recently he said ‘who do I have to bribe to get you into whatever course you want to do next’ 😂😂 I have Bach and post grad degrees, my research was published and I have a 6.5 GPA (7 is highest here) he has a fake trade certificate…

@WVgrl59 2 ай бұрын

@@annie_charcheologistyou should turn to him and say, what are you interested in, maybe I can try to get you into a program? Then when he sputters and says he meant you, say I'm not the one with just a certificate! 😂

@musicbrazilian7065 2 ай бұрын

@@WVgrl59 Hahahaha!

@annie_charcheologist 2 ай бұрын

@@WVgrl59 hahahaha. The cert is forged - completely fake document. I’m not the type to care if people have qualifications or not, I mean I’m not judgemental or snobby - and obviously I care if my dentist or whatever have proper education for the task but my gosh…the nonsense that comes out of these people.

@bs667 2 ай бұрын

Lol that's actually funny. You know, guys often do this to each other. It's not necessarily malicious. Generally men are not emotionally intelligent. You have to tell us how you feel so we can understand you. Mind reading is exhausting to us

@melodysanquist4834 2 ай бұрын

“It makes no sense trying to talk sense to a person with no sense” 😅

@jeankipper6954 2 ай бұрын

You spoke briefly about boundaries. How they are for ourselves, as we can't make others respect them. Last week my roomie kept on reading me an article she thought I needed to hear. I said three times, I don't want to discuss the topic (politics). I was in increasing discomfort, as she blew straight past my comments. I was considering leaving my living room to be quit of it, it was so uncomfortable. Finally I snapped, " I DON'T want to discuss politics! " She stopped. And then in a few moments she said I'd hurt her feelings, made her heart hurt! I said, again, that's not my intention. In fact if it were, I assured her, she'd know it. At any rate she quit. My therapist later said that I was properly assertive of my boundaries. And that I do not, did not hurt her. That her feelings ( unless I was deliberately being a nasty jerk), her feelings are HER responsibility, not mine. Wow. SO helpful. So my neighbor was just screaming and cussing his kids, regrettably in character. It's always upset me. And then I remembered this. I DON'T LIKE how the neighbors behave. But I can choose to not be upset. Hey, work in process here. Right here. Right now. SO helpful to be aware! Your videos are helpful, thanks. And yes, I love your calm and gentle voice and demeanor, and, to a Yank, delightful accent.

@lisbethbird8268 2 ай бұрын

Is it possible that your roommate ignored your repeated requests expressly *so that* you would finally "snap" at them, thus affording the opportunity for them to claim injury and a measure of victimhood (and/or superiority)? I dealt with that pattern for years until I refused to anymore. My person was addicted to creating and having "problems" . Really, any tactic to get undivided attention and an emotional reaction, and zero consideration for the other person(me) (who is merely a tool for self gratification). It's not just metaphorically an addiction. Conflict and a feeling of victimization generate an arousal, with specific neurochemical effects, that is gratifying, and necessary for them to feel ok.

@jeankipper6954 2 ай бұрын

Entirely possible. I've experienced that too. But don't expect it, not prepared for it. I think you are on to something very helpful in dealing with her. What miserable people. Thank you for the insight.

@sunnyadams5842 2 ай бұрын

Another appreciative Yank here, Darren. 🎉

@munkami 2 ай бұрын

This is a really good description of the differences between envy and jealousy. My narcissistic mother is envious of everything and everyone, including her beloved brothers and her own children. She also used to get jealous when I said I had girlfriends, after our Dad died. She was envious that her own son was having his first romantic relationships (at 20 so not exactly an early starter) and potentially also jealous that the girl would take me away. I was also banned from having any girlfriends in my bedroom ever. Only by leaving the narc parent and living on my own terms could I start to live my own life without fear of upsetting or sparking envy in the NM.

@writer1986 2 ай бұрын

Thank you for making this video. I married into a family of narcissists and only recently divorced them all. My life has been so peaceful without their drama due to perceived threats and jealousy/envy.

@MT-tx7bu 2 ай бұрын

Good morning! You can't expect to get a full glass of water out of a 2 oz cup. They aren't going to be the person you want them to be. I had someone in my life that had very little respect for the relationship, Demanded a lot with no emotional or physical support. Lots to say without being involved. A modern-day bully. Criticized when they felt threatened. Stayed silent when they didn't want to get involved. When I asked them, "What do you think I'm getting out of this relationship with you?" They deflected.

@SonnetZombie116 2 ай бұрын

I believe my mother is a covert, vulnerable narcissist. I’m still not fully at acceptance. I think it’s a very hard thing to accept you’ve been completely hoodwinked in to thinking you are the worst kind of person, whilst having the most incredible, Virgin Mary mother. It’s very hard to wrap your head around. It was only becoming a mother myself, looking at my own daughter and just being completely baffled by my own mother. Her favourite way to win an argument was always “you’ll understand when you’re a mother/ you couldn’t understand cause you’re not a mother”. Then she told me I hadn’t been a mother for long enough to understand her… I suddenly *saw* her. Nothing I did would ever make me her equal. I could never reach her level. The cognitive dissonance ended, and I saw her lies, gaslighting and denial for what they are. All the years of guilting me over no grandchildren, that granddaughter she wished so much for was her undoing. Because I could never do to her what my mother did to me. I would be interested being from NI in the patterns of generational trauma here. The pain runs so deeply in people. I’m now a teacher, and we are still seeing the impact of the troubles and the trauma caused by them, in children now.

@bereal6590 2 ай бұрын

I can relate to what you've written. For decades I saw my father as my only issue. He is narcissistic authoritarian, a rager, a baiters and and belittler. Then the worst blow after believing my mother was some kind of Saint! seeing how much damage she has done and how much she has hurt me. She is the vulnerable covert martyr/rescuer. I never had kids because I knew in my gut something was wrong. The worst part is she had severe chronic illness majority of my life so it kept me trauma bonded to her and feeling guilty, then I got chronically ill! How she has reacted hit me hard. ✌

@stephaniemurray1712 2 ай бұрын

My narcissistic adult daughter got me with her best friends dad and then got jealous because we spent a lot of time together! She complained that she wanted to see me more and called me so much more than she ever did when I was single! When the relationship broke down she said nothing but heartless things to me like he never wants to speak to you again and oh he never loved you! Or don’t speak about it again or we’re fall out! Incredibly heartless hurtful things! But now I’m on my own she doesn’t call as much..very odd! Like she loves to hurt me and see me alone!

@user-zy8gk2nn7d 2 ай бұрын

it is not your daughter it is your sadistic enemy. No contact. just like my ex psychopathic mother - how happy she always was when things went wrong - but somehow when you go no contact good things start to happen, like they block your happiness your life. It is like cutting rotting leg - you go to do it bc it will poison you and you will die. Let them drink their own hate by themselves.

@BeeBeeBell 2 ай бұрын

Don't wan't to be on the Enterprise if the Captain just "thinks" they should be commanding the ship and skipped all the training! 😅

@bereal6590 2 ай бұрын

My fave show as a kid ✌

@artandculture5262 2 ай бұрын

They can have everything, every material superior advantage, think they are justified by religion, and be horrible and judgmental when one is in a setback or temporary trial in life. Being creative busts them, no matter how small one tries to be when around them. They do double down. Experiencing this is healing, after one recovers from being in the environment of them. Anything you are, any quality, any ability to hold your own, will be decimated by them.

@Bobbie-c 2 ай бұрын

Calm and common sense perspective., again. Thanks. I'm recording because I'm going out.

@camelotenglishtuition6394 2 ай бұрын

Fantastic channel and video. I'm about 10 weeks after going no contact with a sibling. It's very tough, but I know that it's me or them in terms of survival

@katiedid8192 2 ай бұрын

Wow you hit the nail on the head. I am dealing with a friend like this. She likes to pit one friend against another by using passive agressive behavior to the person she appears to be a friend and very friendly to the person she identifies as a close friend of another. She is very cleverly manipulative and secretive. She becomes friends with two people who are friends and then is mean to one to break up the friendship and befriend the remaining person. After a time she does the same thing to the person she “won” who has another friend. We have a group of friends and it is like middle school behavior. She is very cleaver and she charms to make others think she is so religious. Very hurtful and frustrating.

@Soquetes222 2 ай бұрын

You're describing my deranged ex, I'm freaking out. No one around in my life helped me. Which led me to understand I had Stockholm's because of my family, hence the narc boyfriend. He even got 'jealous' of my cat, my guitar, cause family and friends had already been taken out of the picture. I had panic attacks after that relationship. 2 and a half years dating him and anothsr 2 and a half dealing with panic attacks. Just like that, 5 years of my life gone, and then having to deal with the consequences for life. They need to be found out, ppl need to know about this! Ty for the videos.🎉

@lynnparent5565 2 ай бұрын

So hoping God brings into my life a healthy guy who loves God 1st 64 waiting on a Godly Man...asked me if I would go to lunch , I accepted. Afterwards on way back places hand right up my leg top, I pulled it away and he goes to other side of door, then tried it again after dropping me off. I'm not giving any impression of being loose. Of course his goal wasn't met, as exchange for a purchase lunch...how low self value one must have for themself... I definitely put healthy boundaries and it wasn't to his greedy (not caring nor respecting way😮

@inpursuitofhappiness9441 2 ай бұрын

I so appreciate your take on, and explanation of all things Narcissism. I realize this is your professional background, but you talk about the nuances of their actions and reasoning with such precision and accuracy, that it feels like you experienced it first hand. (Or at least that you’ve met and dated my ex 😉🤣). Thank you for sharing your content with us. 🙏

@wilderbeast96 2 ай бұрын

The musical analogies were so, "on the money" as the Americans say. I know a talented musician, very much of the narcisstic variety, who is very jealous about many other people. Crazy, because we all admire his guitar skills. Life is odd, lecturer Magee!

@nils-erikolsson3539 2 ай бұрын

Nice, that settled my worry that i might be one. I couldnt care less about such things. If i ever speak about it its to be nice to boost the other persons ego and make them happy.

@IzabelaWaniek-i1x 2 ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing your wisdom Darren. You can reason with narcissists because they are unreasonable and devoted to their alternate reality.

@GB_008 2 ай бұрын

*can't

@IzabelaWaniek-i1x 2 ай бұрын

@@GB_008 yes, of course can’t

@Semogaberkah266 2 ай бұрын

Of the many videos I've watched, this video is the longest. However, I don't want to miss it, coz I learned a lot about narcissism after watching Uncle Darren's video. And after graduating from this school, I plan to study psychiatry or psychology ❤❤❤

@LuvBritTV 13 күн бұрын

This was a very helpful video, thank you. I was reminded how my ex husband always managed to ruin what should have been happy days. Birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine's Day, even our wedding morning when he craned his neck to look at a young female jogger running by the window! He was looking at her "shoes" don't ya know! Yeah, don't miss him at all. Also my family who were invited to my retirement tea at work, and showed up late and looking like they just crawled out of bed, and all looked angry like they didn't want to be there. So embarrassing to have my colleagues see them this way, but that was the point I guess. I believe in you reap what you sow... but I've always tried to sow goodness, and now I'm the one who is alone, isolated age 70, but they all have each other. But I suppose I have to assume this is God's way of protecting me, and closing the door on the abuse? It's all very complicated isn't it?

@noreensirianni3135 2 ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing your insights. It was extremely helpful and enjoyable, especially the Q&A. Hopefully at some point we have to find the sense of humor in order to heal. Cheers ❤

@sunnyadams5842 2 ай бұрын

A lot of this is pretty darn funny when you come down to it and are a little separated from it.

@noreensirianni3135 2 ай бұрын

@@sunnyadams5842 yes, guess it's time out for a great word salad scrabble game or the narcs want monopoly every step.

@deebee4622 2 ай бұрын

Very good video, thank you! When narcissists get old they are more jealous, resentful and vindictive than ever. They resent you for just being able to walk, even when you are trying to help them. They will try to take you down with them so get help or leave as if your life depends on it because it very well does! God help and bless us all.

@christianrokicki 2 ай бұрын

Yes. Absolutely. In narcissistic workplaces the us vs. them mentality and in-group/out-group formations are quite maddening.

@camdogtaek 2 ай бұрын

Thanks Darren, I definitely think that and I know you couldn't possible comment like I can 😆

@kathpercy7941 2 ай бұрын

I discovered you when you were talking with Richard Grannon fantastic discussion watched some of your discussions to help survivors heal Thankyou. for your work and helping 🙏💕

@busichanel4934 2 ай бұрын

You describe my late husband to a fault! I never truly saw it until after he passed away. Masterful covert for almost 17 yrs

@yvetteandjorgenlarsen9753 2 ай бұрын

Hi, Darren! I'm so sorry I missed the live stream of this today but I am visiting friends who threw a big end of summer holiday cookout, so I just couldn't make it work. Now that I'm watching this, I want to say I'm surprised by your explanation of what you think self-esteem is. I've always thought it was just what I think, what I feel about myself. However, one of the reasons I really want to watch your videos is when you make a comment like this, it makes me reconsider something. I've always said I don't care so much what other people think... but now I'm thinking hmmm, is that really true...? I don't want to be in denial. So how do I know if I am in denial? It sounds complicated, but can you explain how we could tell if we are in denial about something? I noticed immediately that working on myself is completely different from identifying something in another person. 🤔😐🙄😒🤔 HELP!

@sunnyadams5842 2 ай бұрын

Quelling the need for external validation takes us so far into the realm of resisting the narc's influence.

@Beanp2025 2 ай бұрын

When I see someone with qualities I admire, my feelings are not envy but admiration, and I will try my best to learn from their strength. Or when I see a happy old couple in love, I will feel happiness that true normal love exists for others even if not for me. When my ex made it a point to flaunt on social media sexy images of himself with new supply, I didn't feel jealous, but hurt that he would try to hurt me. When someone no longer sees value in being with me and leaves, I accept it, and close the door. I detest games that people play, triangulation to trigger jealousy, control and domination to show who's boss, to devalue and make others feel less than, etc. I feel like a freak.

@beacleary9889 2 ай бұрын

You,v just said “I hope this was interesting for you”……very, very, very, interesting..you were not “waffling” either…is helping immensely: Thankyou…..xxxx

@SuperBlakes2 2 ай бұрын

That was really interesting.thanks

@lindy977 2 ай бұрын

These traits describe both my father and brother. It's scary.

@JohnMccart777 2 ай бұрын

I do like Baron Harkoven myself. Good stuff Darren.

@amandaroberts5111 2 ай бұрын

I got asked to support aband recently. L asked my older narc brother about it, he suad 'maybe do it nexyt year,' ne t year?? L am going to do it bur wont mention it to hom again!😮

@bereal6590 2 ай бұрын

They're not happy for you if it's something good and they pretend to care if something bad happens to you. Some are more obvious than others but none of it is real and you feel it in your gut.

@hildebeerens4332 2 ай бұрын

Thank you, that was very useful! Is there a way to know whether what I am feeling is a projection of what they are feeling or purely the result of what I am thinking? Is it always a sign of a shared fantasy and is empathy nit based on a capacity to try on all sorts of fantasies or stories?

@melodysanquist4834 2 ай бұрын

❤❤❤This video!

@andrewjohn4876 2 ай бұрын

The narc never ends up alone because there is always a masochist ready to enjoy their abuse.

@sarahyip2825 Ай бұрын

In the first year of high school there was a top of the class brilliant student who outshone everyone while having great personality and looks. She was an import from another school and so was friend-less. But any teacher would be proud to have such a smart and hardworking pupil. As far as I know she didnt belong to any clique throughout high school but neither did introvert me. Fast forward a few decades-who would've guessed that she would pass away from cancer at 50! Sad and ironic coz she was a doctor 😢 I have a question, Darren. Experiencing prolonged and pronounced jealousy/envy from one's peers can diminish the unsuspecting person via a slow kill? 🤕😢

@sarahyip2825 Ай бұрын

A typical stance is how a narcissistic person vocalise with disdain that same level colleagues who are more qualified (either having a degree or higher qualifications) do not really know their jobs as much as non graduates! 😏