The ‘High Value Man' Search Is A Toxic Lie And It's The Reason You’re Still Single

[@meryemm.2820]

When I met my husband, we were both in our 20s, both just starting our careers. When we started to live together, we couldn't afford to rent an apartment, so we rented a room at the beginning. I couldn't care less of where I was living, because he was the right person for me and being together was more important than anything. We have made a lot of sacrifices and worked hard. Now in our mid-30s, we are part of the 1%, and enjoy things in life we didn't even know exist. We are happily married and about to become parents soon. If I can give an advice to other girls in their 20s or 30s is to find someone who respects you and loves and put you first. You can build wealth together. If you don't have important values to keep you together and in love, you will become one of those sad women who married rich men and spending money to overcome the fact you feel alone.

[@forever.sundays4938]

This is exactly what my husband and I went through and I’ve never felt untether and felt like I was floating through life he keeps me grounded. ❤

[@EdelweisSusie]

Let this also be advice for MEN to stop focussing on looks, only for the woman in question to bleed you blind financially turning you then into a man who is emotionally distant and terrified of commitment who spends the rest of his life destroying the lives of decent women by stringing them along. What a sad state of affairs.

[@sunnykel7573]

You are lucky on many accounts - that you found your partner early in life, in your 20s; that he both works and is hard-working; and that he didn't leave you for another woman once he got some money and success. I'm not trying to diminish your hard work or sacrifices at all, but just to make you aware that you have been very lucky in finding a solid partner like that. Other women don't meet someone until decades later, or their partner cheats on them after finding success through both of their efforts. None of these are through any fault of the women, who also worked hard and made sacrifices. I think this needs to be acknowledged.

[@sunnykel7573]

But PS I agree with your advice and think it is great - to find someone who respects you, loves you and puts you first ❤

[@dissolved29]

This is my experience too. When Caitlin talks about potential in the end of the video, I’d put a spin on it: the biggest thing is for both people to be able to support each other on the way. Obviously there’re gonna be ups and downs, but this sense of being in it together is what gives comfort and space to grow.

[@thenuetrix6574]

When you prioritize money, sex, status and appearance above the person's values and morals you're already doomed to fail

[@purplelove3666]

Attraction matters though

[@lmcalo]

The problem with this rhetoric is that the majority of these “ high value men” on KZbin have money but lack monogamous relationships belief’s. Money is their idol.

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

So true!

[@disel4life]

MONOGAMOUS RELATIONSHIPS????? 99% of women are behind your 4ss and will look the other way if you are married. Monogamy goes against the biology of the species. There is a reason the top men are desirable. High probability of the survival of the woman and child.

[@jl6523]

Not true. Im HVM, want one woman. Work too hard and too busy for more than one.

[@lornabradshaw9010]

Brilliant video! I almost ended my long term relationship because of this ridiculous ideal. I look at my current partner now, and see how handsome, kind and caring he is, and I can’t believe I almost got brainwashed by this narrative. Once you see how ridiculous and shallow this ideals is, you can see clearly how blessed you are to find a man with the qualities that truly matter.

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

Thankyou for sharing this! Xx

[@rainbowsnsunshineverywhereigo]

Beautiful sharing I’m in the same boat. When you step aware from all the nonsense and devils on your shoulders with bs opinions from people on the outside, you become clearheaded enough to recognize the huge blessing right in front of you. Wouldn’t trade it for the world cause nothing matters more than to love ans be loved. It’s definitely greener where you water it.

[@uglyluxe5210]

I dated a high value man who had no ambition, was in his first nepo job in finance at 28 and had so much family wealth all he did till then was travel and play ping pong with his mates. Nice enough guy, family oriented, but when we spoke about values and giving back to community or less fortunate his response was, I never think about that, that's their lot in life, and this is mine. I dropped him off at his gifted mansion, and realised a lot from knowing him. Hot tip: look for a high values man, not a high value man.

[@courtneyawalsh]

Boom. High values man: YES.

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

Love you for sharing this!

[@yeseniah7373]

I wonder if your giving back to community comes from your money or his?

[@uglyluxe5210]

@@yeseniah7373 There's lots of ways you give back like working in NFP which I was at the time, volunteering, gifts in kind and money.

[@sassygirl4728]

That wasn't a high value man.

[@mpolitely5887]

There is another point to consider. Men who are good at making money often don’t like to spend it but to invest and live frugal. The problem is that those men will never be good at spending and living the good life, even after decades of wealth building. Often, the money is for the children but not for the wife to spend…

[@buntyjoy1800]

Also money tends to marry money. If you ain't already rich...

[@courtneyawalsh]

Yup.

[@tamtamr9081]

exactly you should have mentioned that caitlyn .. they dont just marry any one

[@nickj12]

Old money tends to marry money. Celebrities and athletes are a diffident story.

[@lalaland8185]

Oh my God is this an important message for young girls. I dated a "high value man" who was in the same socio-economic status as me and remember waking up crying because I felt so lonely. Seperately, I wanted to say I was skeptical at first about the new direction of your channel. But you are KILLING IT!

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

Ah Thankyou so much!

[@roxycocksey]

We’ve also got to keep in mind that there’s a trend of rich/powerful/successful men that marry “average looking” women. So if you think you’re going to bag one by tweaking yourself to look like a model, that might not work either. None of it is worth it unless y’all meet organically and are a perfect match. I dated a “high value man” once. He was a pro MLB pitcher. He was always away from home, did not want to commit despite dating for over 8 months, and did not have a sense of humor or other personality traits I was looking for. When I decided to stop talking to him because I met my (now) boyfriend, I felt so stupid like I was making the biggest mistake of my life. I was telling myself, why am I giving this opportunity up? What’s wrong with me? But honestly it was the best decision. My boyfriend now is an average dude but he’s hilarious and finds me hilarious, and I’ve never been happier.

[@keikok5187]

Thank you so much for bringing attention to this! I’m married to a truly high valued man and have learned a lot of sacrifice comes with being his wife. Having previously dated “high value” men, I learned that the focus is never on their women. Women are always an accessory because they’re married to their money. Another sentiment echoed in the comments is that you also need to have your own money. I would not have attracted these individuals had I not had money to begin with. The pool of these wealthy men is also really small and your reputation as a gold digger will precede you. I maximized my potential of finding a life partner by dating three men at a time and disqualifying them after 1-3 dates. I started treating dating more like a scientific experiment because so many people were wasting my time. My advice, don’t waste time on people whose core values aren’t aligned with yours. Do give time to those that are willing to be present for you and share quality time. My husband was kind enough to extend our first date by four hours despite his very busy work schedule. From the second date, he knew he wanted to marry me because I respected his time and was willing to accommodate his grueling schedule. Sometimes being his other half means interceding on his behalf and ushering people away from him to protect his time. Each day brings new challenges but, it’s not so bad when you can depend on each other. Find a kind, generous and driven person and keep them forever. You will not be disappointed.

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

Thankyou for sharing this 💕

[@leemary4833]

Look at Costner.

[@tippytoe1250]

I found what I considered a “high value family man” in high school almost 30 years ago. No he’s not rich😂 But we built a wonder family and comfortable life together.

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

🙌🏼

[@tzeimi_]

I agree. I couldn’t tolerate being with someone just for their money. My dad always told me to have my own money so if shit hits the fan I’m not stuck plus, there’s nothing like the feeling of working hard & knowing you accomplished something on your own .

[@minwade5436]

There’s no such thing as “high value men”. The trouble with social media it’s all fantasy‼️ People change over the years, ideology, financial status, friends, family etc. A great way to ignore some of these “virtue signalling” channels is to not watch them & don’t follow Instagram or TicTok. Men are not “items” to be “bagged” sounds like an old fashioned “gold digger” imo. A man of substance & morals, that match yr own beliefs is a good start. A true life partner is one that can also be yr best friend, live, love & laugh together. Women marry men wanting to “change them”, men marry women & “don’t want them to change” in general, I’m not ignoring the alphabet community. We’re all individuals & need companionship & love. Live yr authentic life on yr terms. Great vlog Caitlin, look after yourself. 😘💐 PS celebrated my 40th (Ruby) wedding anniversary recently.

[@amy9910]

Congratulations on your anniversary 🤩 that is amazing. I bet you have some good relationship advice ☺

[@minwade5436]

@@amy9910 thank you. Everyday we learn something new, it doesn’t have to be in a “formal” sense. Take 1 day @ a time & don’t stress about a situation you can’t change, better to change yr perception of whatever that issue is. Keep smiling 🌷

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

Congratulations on your anniversary and Thankyou for sharing your story ❤️

[@aadvani22]

Another huge factor that we haven’t yet considered is that a lot of these high value men can most definitely be earning from shady sources and it can easily catch up to them - just look at some of the scandals involving Silicon Valley millionaires/husbands of socialites trying to keep their status, etc.

[@melocoton7]

I hate that men are getting reduced to their $ “value”. All I see are mid-at-best, gold digger women who refuse to “date down” yet expect rich men to “date down” and pick them? It’s ridiculous. A bit of story time of my own: when I met my now husband, that poor man was so traumatized by superficial women that he actually told me once “but I’m just a cook”. How sad is that??? “Just” a cook. If we’re talking money, I make like 1/3 more than him. So what? He is THE best person ever. The sweetest, most loving, respectful of our relationship, emotionally mature, hilarious, intelligent, fun loving, most beautiful smile having, laughing at my stupid jokes man I have ever had the luck of meeting. I want to die of old age next to this dude. So imma head butt any bishh who’d dare say he is not a high value man because he makes less than 100K a year. Fuck that.

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

Yes Thankyou !!!!

[@tamtamr9081]

*claps* love it

[@ardent-hearted5639]

the misogyny leaping out in this comment… yikes

[@melocoton7]

which part exactly? @@ardent-hearted5639

[@laurenceapitz1678]

@@ardent-hearted5639why do you find this mysoginistic ?

[@aminzainudin]

And I’m sorry to say this but I think many of you out there would agree with me. Instead of busy trying to find a wealthy men how about we ourselves try and get wealthy?? Be independent…

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼

[@mrwombat24]

Yup, nothing wrong with making your own money and being independent and living by yourself and raising cats, if that’s what you really want to do and are certain that you won’t have any regrets up into your 60s as a cat lady. Sadly, the statistics show that the most unhappy demographics are the unmarried and childless women starting in their 40s, including the financially independent ones. I hope that you will be part of the outlier and not part of the statistics.

[@Garcelle1987]

@@BlakeC27 I’m sure many of these ‘Find a high value man’ content creators are really just sex workers - Something that isn’t scrutinized enough tbh And if it was perhaps women would not find the more extreme elements of such content aspirational

[@sonicman52]

It’s female nature, programmed into your guys’ biology and psychology by evolution. It’s not good, it’s not bad, it just is what it is. Human civilization developing to the point where women can now be “independent” is the source of many issues. Your feelings won’t change the reality of things. I love women, talking to and dating y’all, and I love my mom and sisters, but it doesn’t change the reality of you guys, by nature, being much more fulfilled and happy in supporting roles to strong men

[@mashobane6177]

​​@@mrwombat24 making your own money doesn't mean you won't date, it means you will be willing to date ordinary men, not rich men because you don't care about money as you have already made one for yourself. And that is more peaceful than running around chasing rich men just to be rich as well.

[@SundayRose99]

LOL, Caitlin dividing up the rainbow sprinkles made my day 😅😂🤣♥️😍🥰🙌🏼

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

😂 💕

[@keemiel4005]

Spot on, Caitlin! It’s hard enough to find a man who respects you, let alone one who is within that 17%…hasn’t happened for me but I’ve completely stopped focusing on it. I enjoy my singlenesses. Last relationships have been fun and interesting; but, many of my exes are lifelong bachelors and the women who settled down with the others were willing to accept a lot more than I was. Everyone has their priorities. Respecting yourself is it’s own reward. I would be interested to learn the Australian statistics. Tell us more about your reality. 😊Take care!

[@haiji1996]

I married my husband because he was my one and only soul mate who connected with me profoundly and he loved me with all his heart. I didn't particularly care about the money, but now after being married for years, we have been able to accumulate household savings that correspond to the top 2% in my country, while traveling to dream destinations and acquiring luxury items. It also turns out that he will be inheriting real estate from which he can earn rental income in the future, so I think he was a pretty good deal after all. Of course there may be more rich men in the world, but I'm sure that no one will make me as happy as I am with him.

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

Love that you shared this!

[@AltoonaYourPiano]

I agree with you on this and find it scary how many toxic ideas have permeated society through social media influencers. The events of 2020-2021 with the increased atomization due to a huge increase in isolation has made this possible. It was around before then, but a lot of stuff really accelerated when we were all holed up in our homes. To add to this and give a male perspective, on the male side of things there's channels targeted at us that push a lot of ideas about women that all women spend their 20s and 30s sleeping with so-called "alpha males" and then settle for "beta males" they're not attracted to because they can't get any more "alpha males". What these two sides of the coin do is on the female side, the women are taught to go after only a small pool of men and on the other side of the coin, men are taught that women are all the same and that you can't get a woman unless you' make over $100K and are at least 6 feet tall, so both become bitter, angry and lonely. And that's what these influencers want. Bitter, angry, lonely people make great repeat customers who keep watching their content. There's also the fact that many of them make blanket statements that forget we're all different. For example, they tell women that all men will resent being helped financially by a woman, but that's not true for me at all. I remember many years ago in my university days this one really nice girl paid for my coffee when I was scraping for cash, I didn't find it emasculating, I thought it was sweet and that act of kindness made me instantly like that girl a lot (no idea why I never asked her out, I think I was dating someone at the time if my memory serves correctly). And it makes me sad to think that this act of kindness may not have happened in 2024 like it did in 2007.

[@SamanthaStew]

Loved your sprinkle analogy, that becomes even smaller when you’re a woman of color. Very few of these men will be interested in you even if they’re the same race. Keep your head up ladies, it can be tough out there.

[@katherinedelacruz9876]

Definitely thought of this when she was going down the list. Most rich men want a white blonde woman that’s just a fact EVEN men of color. So I really think young women of color should strive to find someone who genuinely respects them FIRST

[@jochenkraus7016]

​@katherinedelacruz9876 She mentions hair color at one point but I think you could put in every attribute either you or these men either prefer or aren't into.

[@karma7478]

I have kept an open mind and dated a diverse group of men because I knew the "high value man" thing was toxic. It didn't work out with a lot of them because as nice as they were, they felt threatened by my career and salary. Actually I sound a bit like that ex bf of yours who just worked all the time... though I couldnt do chicken and broccoli everyday...😅 At this point, I have plans to retire on my own in a few decades and adopt puppies....

[@ValhallaCupcake]

Preach. I'm decently successful in my career and highly educated, and I also happen to be very tall and quite outspoken. That's a lethal combo for a lot of dudes, so I am planning on 17 cats and a herb garden. 😌

[@karma7478]

@@ValhallaCupcake 🤜🤛👏👏👏

[@Lee73Lee]

I became my own high value man so to speak! Ha ha! In my 20s, I was also searching for that "high value man." By my 40s, I realized that was futile. So then I started earning more than many of the men I dated. Once I realized I could earn as much or more than a man, other things automatically became important because I didn't need someone outside of myself for financial purposes to buy the things I wanted. It became easier to focus on kindness, commitment, loyalty, and compatibility. When you take money off the table, other wonderful qualities emerge!

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

🙌🏼🙌🏼

[@keemiel4005]

Same! I’m reminded of a quote from Cher who said her mother told her she needed to settle down and marry a rich man when she was young and she replied: “Mom, I am a rich man!”👌🏾👌🏾👌🏾

[@Lee73Lee]

@@keemiel4005 love it!!! 💕

[@Patricia-yt3ip]

Just found your channel, watched a few videos and felt compelled to comment on this one. These are all important points and I want to add that a percentage of these men are going to be psychopathic, narcissists or otherwise personality disordered in ways that could actually cause people finding themselves in abusive and potentially dangerous situations with no way to escape because they’re now financially dependent on the man. I cannot stress this enough, if money is your only criteria and you think that’s what’s going to solve all your problems or give you this perfect life, think again. That’s not to say, obviously, that there aren’t good, kind wealthy men. Of course there are. But how will you tell them apart if the only criteria you’re considering is money? The psychopathic ones will project the persona you want to see, so you won’t know until you’re deep enough into it that you’re already in some leve of trouble and, potentially, danger. To begin with, someone who’s selling courses on the basis of this type of value structure and priority, I’d think twice before listening to anything they have to say. Just my 2 cents.

[@Cantetinza17]

I am so over this obsession of High Value man/ High Value Woman. It is toxic and if a man tells me I'm a High Value man, I run cause that tells me. I want control over you and I won't be faithful to you and you just need to deal with that. High Value to me has nothing to do with money. My father I would say is high value. He worked and provided (we weren't rich, but we weren't without), and he did his share around the house. He even helped my mom sew my Senior Prom dress. Also why are you chasing after a wealthy man when you could be a wealthy woman? Also you never know what the guy you are with might do. What if he gets a lucky break and then makes millions? He won't take you back cause you didn't believe in him when he was a regular guy. Here is the BS that men push. High Value Men want young woman because of the fertility aspect, blah, blah, blah. My argument is "Ok that's great but when you get your young ones pregnant y'all don't stay with that young fertile lady, you leave her for another young fertile or you talk her into an abortion. So no it's not about the fertile aspect. Its because they haven't been screwed over as much and you think that they are easier to control. I did date a rich guy he was in his early 40's and I was in my mid 20's. He was controlling and he always wanted me around him and his friends, but didn't want to be around mine. He didn't even want me around MY FRIENDS. I had nothing in common with his fuddy duddy friends that were always looking at me and licking their lips. Eww, it was just gross.

[@katherinedelacruz9876]

Girl you are so funny.found your channel recently and you dropping gems. People are so materialistic these days it’s scary!

[@garycheesman6821]

Yeah there does seem a direct link between rampant consumerism and the belief that someone earning as much money as possible should be the sole priority in finding a person to share your life with.

[@MayCarlson]

Thank you so much for creating this video! The growing "find a rich man" trend is incredibly shallow and detrimental. I particularly appreciated your meticulous breakdown of the statistics and the clever use of sprinkles as a visual aid! It has always alarmed me how infrequently these young women consider essential factors such as compatibility, values, chemistry, and age. Allow me to share a personal anecdote. During my early 20s, I had the opportunity to date a man of considerable wealth. In my naivety, I believed I had found "The One"! We shared numerous interests and genuinely enjoyed each other's company. What seemed like a perfect match was marred by unfortunate similarities to the story you shared about your ex. He exhibited controlling tendencies and jealousy, which were deeply unsettling. At one point, he invited me to move into his opulent multimillion-dollar condo. I was elated and taken aback when my conservative, religious mother even approved of the idea. However, red flags started to emerge. He insisted that I be home when he finished work every day, suggested that I quit my job (which seemed appealing at the time but raised concerns in hindsight), and I eventually discovered that he had the doorman report back to him about my comings and goings (this was before the advent of iPhones and location-sharing). Moreover, I noticed his disrespectful behavior towards others, particularly those in the service industry. On one fateful night, he took me to Nobu, where his impolite treatment of our waitress reduced me to tears and forced me to leave in sheer embarrassment. Doubts plagued me for some time, and I feared sacrificing too many of my aspirations to accommodate his desired lifestyle. That very evening, I made the difficult decision to end the relationship. My entire family was astonished, and even to this day, my mother occasionally mentions him, even though I am now happily married with children. My current husband and I have been together for a little over 14 years. We share not only the same values, goals, and interests (for the most part, but that's what keeps it intriguing), but he also has an uncanny ability to make me laugh and provide a sense of security that Mr. Rich never could. We have built our separate businesses and wealth together, despite our challenges. Indeed, anything truly worth fighting for is never without its obstacles. The value I find in my present marriage far exceeds what I would have experienced with a man who had inherited or amassed his wealth without my involvement. At that point, one becomes expendable, and like countless women who embark on such a path, they often find themselves traded in for younger models down the line. It is high time that we redefine the notion of a high-value man beyond mere wealth and material possessions.

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

I am so so grateful you have shared your story! Thankyou so much ❤️

[@melissa3232]

I agree with this, great video!! Honestly, I am often told my standards are too high but I am not even looking for a rich men. I would love to meet a kind man, who shares my values and loves me, and whom I love. In terms of finances (and I do think they matter) - I just want someone who has a normal income, can contribute to rent, and provide a good future for our future children. (Good education, 1-2 holiday a year, able to support our children’s hobbies). Hope I find “the one” soon 🍀🧿😃!

[@unkn0wn_416]

Interesting enough how high VALUE directly equals to $$$. I first thought about a man with values (education, discipline, gentlemanliness, fidelity, confidence, self-respect, etc.) lol

[@abigaelrarts2257]

timing and honestly luck are such factors. i met my husband happen-stance and he drove up the courage to come and talk to me and get a conversation going even if i didn't have time to chat, and we went from there. but if he let that opportunity go by we wouldnt be together today. also we were both at points in our lives where we were looking for the same thing (both 28, ready to find that person). also alsooo i just wanted to be friends at first and he respected that and just wanted to spend time w me. after not such a long time i caught feelings and told him and voila, a budding wonderful relationship. but all those things had to fall in place, so just being open to things and knowing what u will and won't put up with is huge

[@szidoniamakranczi9927]

Omg, there are so many more important things in life than material things. My husband is a total nerd, tattooed rocker, literally makes like 20x more money than I do, but he couldnt care less. He doesnt know anything about designer and luxury stuffs and I am so happy about it. Best dad ever, very humble and very generous. The first thing he said after we started dating was 'what is mine is yours'. Sometimes I wonder how am I this lucky, but I never went after the money, didnt even know he had, his personality was what captured me. Also I never dated men that did not share my values and morals, so I was single for a very long time, but I didnt mind and it was all worth it in the end.

[@patriciaquintela899]

…and then many years into the future, with the fear of being alone, they will often settle for the first in front of their eyes. My granny always told me that who chooses to much never gets it right.

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

I like your granny for this

[@Chelseabee55]

I know someone who wants a ‘high value man’ but she ends up burning through relationships and has cheated on every single person she has ever dated. I think it says a lot about morals/priorities

[@stayathomemom4357]

Everything you said is spot on. Young girls should watch this and understand that relationship gurus are selling them a lie. Good job!

[@Bekind94]

The real value of a partner is how they care for you when you are sick and broken, how they get up with the baby so you can sleep, how they work extra hard so you can relax- these things make a marriage.

[@purplelove3666]

That is the bare minimum,the bar is so low you would think it was in hell. And make sure this partner is a husband,

[@purplelove3666]

That is the bare minimum,the bar is so low for men

[@lovelacole]

Money does not equal high value to me when looking for a man my husband does not make 6 figures right now but he is high value to me! Women need to find a good man and a man who will provide and protect!

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

Agreed!

[@emilyann117]

My husband and I dated for 4 years in college and got married directly after. Neither of us had a career started but, had no debt. We moved into a rental with barely any belongings and it was perfect and simple and lovely. Married for 6 years have three kids and I have to say, he’s still the best guy I know and I wouldn’t sacrifice that for all the money in the world.

[@tinachristine4573]

You are a breath of fresh air, thank you for the frank straight talk.

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

Thanks for watching ☺️

[@anjalianthony1656]

Really enjoying your new content! It’s more rounded and thought provoking!

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

Yay Thankyou!! 💕

[@TG-tt5oq]

As someone living in NYC…$100k salary won’t take you fat over here lol

[@NinaNina-qc8sh]

This was so good to watch!❤

[@smiles7631]

You had my dying with the sprinkles lmao.

[@madso._.o]

Love this video above all your other videos that I’ve watched so far.

[@RegularHuman]

Great video. Rich is not high value its just more money. Be the person you want to marry and you will be free of that that need.

[@neslihanerisgen6204]

When I was in college, most of my friends were obsessed with finding a doctor, lawyer, or a wealthy high value man. They would walk across campus to study at the medical library or law library to try to find a high value man. I didn’t care and I went to the library closest. Years later, I am the only one who ended up with a doctor haha. (Not a medical doctor but he has his PhD in pharmacology). I looked for someone with my values, who made me feel beautiful, and a true partner.

[@mheuman]

P.S.Thank you going over this foolish "trend" and sharing your story. You are amazing !

[@priyankaghosh9463]

I started dating this person in my very early 20s while we were still in college, but I think what I could see was he had the potential to be at a comfortable position because of his upbringing and his values, now in our mid- late 20s we both are working and while he isn't a millionaire, he earns 6 figures but not too overtly ambitious it takes away the quality time together

[@fammnak852]

Caitlin I love you and your humour. Been writing this comment again and again until you notice me, but thank you KZbin algorithm Gods for bringing me to your channel, I have sooooo many Caitlin videos to binge watch every day! ❤❤❤❤❤

[@sunnykel7573]

And let's just imagine the sprinkles left in the container are all the women wanting to date those men in the remaining, last pile 😂

[@becuteforme]

Could you imagine the competition and desperation? 😂

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

Lmaoooooo

[@tamtamr9081]

omg you nailecit!!!!!

[@tamtamr9081]

nailed*

[@elizabethalam9228]

No way! Courses?? That’s crazy Please create your own life / wealth / path and if you meet someone who is complete - whilst you are also complete… then that’s terrific. But if however, you are whole and remain single / then you still are whole & that’s great. Don’t pursue wealth / men for the sake of it.

[@dissolved29]

Ok but why should bagging a rich guy be the ultimate goal in life? I mean, it’s nice to get cute stuff from a significant other but it’s even nicer to be able to get it for myself! To me this is some old school gold digging shit. And I’m not saying it’s wrong to date someone who’s well off because you match - I’m saying that if dating someone who’s well off becomes your epic quest, you got far more issues than that.

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

Preach it!

[@X_Spence]

I bet a bunch of people in these comments also wanted Mr. Perfect-Prince Charming, im glad those who have found love found it, but do not let your preferences for height and other worthless shit be the reason you dont find love, or find the wrong men...

[@hfox1203]

From what I understand a lot of the “high value men” are narcissists or sociopaths. No thank you

[@mheuman]

There is saying here in the States that a woman who marries rich earns every dollar. To me this means that she will have to put up with a lot of crap . I didn't marry wealth,my beloved and I have worked together to build a good marriage. He has a good heart, has my back, i have his back and we both want to be happy. We'll be married for 40 years next October.

[@purplelove3666]

As if they don't put up with a lot of nonsense even when they marry poor men,let's not, the high divorce rate started by women are not women married to rich men ,most of them are men that are not rich

[@heidijay5902]

At the end of the day, if we want a partner (some are happy on their own), we need to find the right person for us individually. The right person for me is definitely not going to be the right person for for the majority of women. Better to focus on someone who shares your values, goals & interests. Usually they will have the income to match the same (if not, just walk away & leave them to it, unless you like funding someone else’s lifestyle). Money is little more than a convenient medium of exchange for other resources, if you & your partner have all the resources you need for a happy fulfilling lifestyle (however that looks for you), then why chase after someone else’s ideal?

[@Rachelleluluful]

I find that most of these rich(very wealthy)guys like highly educated women that already have a lot of money themselves. It’s a good way to add to they net worth on both ends lol. Plus they look at these women as equals. So yeah most of these women are wasting their time. You just want to find your best friend. That’s the best!

[@lovingsunshine3515]

I don’t think so. I think they love Instagram looking models that they can show off. Then they replace over and over. You don’t really see old rich men with old rich women, do you? They’re always with young beautiful women whose careers are “modeling” 🙄🙄

[@Rachelleluluful]

@@lovingsunshine3515 Bezos is arguably the richest man in the world and has only been with age appropriate intelligent women.

[@benkin155]

First of all, shout out at your editing!!

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

Thankyou my editor is amazing and you will definitely be able to tell the difference between the ones I edit and she does moving forward 🤭

[@pamelacastro8593]

I love your posts, you’re very real and relatable 🙂

[@yeseniah7373]

These high value men know they are high value and that they are being highly sought after on the dating/marriage market by a huge number of women. They know they have choices. And they fully exercise them in all ways possible. Some young ladies may be ready, willing and able to hunt them and then put up with their every whim. Most of us are not! Not for all the money in the world. Cause some of them are weird like that or much, much worse!

[@aboutdoorsman4695]

You forgot one major factor in your analogy. You did not add your pool of competitors. There is a lot more women chasing a very small group of HVM. Your odds drop significantly. And finally women don’t seem to consider what value they bring to a relationship. Good luck with that.

[@baileymoran8585]

Honestly the ‘high value man’ was never on my list. I don’t like being around wealthy people. I haven’t met any that have made me feel welcome. I try not to generalize but the negative stereotypes have an abundance of real life examples, and few who challenge it. I dated a guy who’s family had money in college. I didn’t know he had money when I met him and honestly didn’t have as many aversions to wealthy people back then so it wouldn’t matter. But looking back, I don’t think I had a single interesting conversation the whole two years we dated. They spend tons of money on experiences that are nice once in a while but honestly low excitement. If I’m gonna go to another country, I want to go on a hike by the beach and go cliff diving, and stay in a tent or a cheap cabin, rather than drink by a pool at some expensive hotel. That’s way too sedentary. They ‘party’ at black tie events where you must use your inside voice and everyone is calm, and conversations are bland, and jokes are vaguely insulting to someone else there… usually you, if you don’t have a trust fund. I’m for being selective, if your list of wants and needs is healthy, and not shallow. Being alone is better than being with someone you had to settle for, but people should frequently think about whether or not their expectations for a future partner sound shallow and entitled. If they sound that way, don’t worry about dating. Worry about humbling yourself first.

[@karloswithak6823]

Thank you! This was the video that I needed to see today. Great content ❤️

[@raffegaloustian5306]

Great video, thanks for sharing.

[@sobe3328]

Wow…this was an amazing video! Loving the direction your channel is going !!! ❤

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

Thank you so much!! ❤️

[@mansoor3159]

Caitlin today is my birthday please wish me and I really love your daily videos a lot you inspired me a lot and I wish you reach 50K Subscribers very very soon!💕💫🙂

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

Hope you had a great birthday! 🥰

[@nbrown5602]

Its also hard to find a man with a good heart. I'd bet they are even more rare than rich men.

[@Iam_Celene]

Thank you for being realistic about this omg

[@lmcalo]

Awesome video!! So proud of you!! 😊

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

Thankyou! ❤️

[@joechang8696]

Finding a rich man is not difficult (1/100). Finding a rich tall handsome young single is extremely difficult. Also, such a man has no reason to commit and can have fun in choosing from the endless stream of hot women

[@nickj12]

Exactly

[@shanadyweytens7441]

Very interessant topic, so as all your other videos. Keep going Caitlin!!

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

Thank you! Will do!

[@Cassia_kamm]

20:19 I met my husband when he was not in as good a financial position as me, he was also a single father of 4. We helped eachother in so many ways. He introduced me to people who helped me get a higher paying job, I helped him care for his children so that he could pursue a higher paying career. There were many other things that i wont share here. Point is, when two people tryely love eachother, they make one another better. Yes, we make 6 figures now- but i would be happy with him if we lived in a studio apt and worked min wage. There is way more to life than being wealthy.

[@Fstop313]

This channel is crazy good

[@nickj12]

Good thing I’m okay with being alone because I’m not settling. 🤷🏽‍♀️ And yes, he has to be a good person too. ETA: anyone paying a social media guru for relationship advice enjoys throwing away money and being scammed. 😂

[@lovingsunshine3515]

This reminds me of a lady I knew back in 2010. She was already 32 at that time and an occupational therapist in a nursing home. She was very selective when it comes to men and didn’t want to date someone lower than her. I’m so curious if she ever found one bc she’d be 46 by now. I didn’t find rich boys in high school attractive. They were the most arrogant and snobby boys I met. While wealth sounds so impressive to most women, it’s so hard for me to feel truly attracted to them and see my future with them. I’m very happily married for almost 18 yrs now. He didn’t come from a wealthy family nor wealthy when I met him. He retired from the military and landed a corporate job making six figures now and we are living a very comfortable life while I only work part time since we still have young kids. My husband has always looked at me as his equal and tells me how he appreciates me being in his life bc he wouldn’t be where he is today. I found a man with high values but also later on became a high value man.

[@changewithchelsea]

I thought you were going to pour the rest of the sprinkle container on the last of the “wealthy men” and say “here’s the rest of the men now go find them” 😂

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

😂

[@jl6523]

This lady knows what she's talking about. I just became a millionaire, and also just realized Im 39. Personally, I had fun in my 20's, hustled like crazy in my 30's. Now that its time for marriage, I run away from "fun girls" or "modern girls" -- I only want a woman that has an international mindset, and loves the idea of family. So do my friends (who are all married, by the way).

[@simoneXox]

Love you channel. Both similar age (31) and can resonate with your posts

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

Thanks for being here ❤️

[@MuseSunflower]

I have dated men with money.. many of them believe the money and looking good on paper replaces the need to be a good partner and likeable person. Many of them look great from a distance but as you get closer you begin to see the character flaws Ideally you want both financial stability and chemistry/connection.. Financially stable doesn't have to mean rich though! You can still live a comfortable life with a normal income.

[@good1125]

I have had so many offers from wealthy men. I attract them for some reason. Some are younger and good looking too. Though my heart was never there. I could have been set for life if I made different choices. I prefer someone who I can grow with.

[@kaylheecarroll3186]

Very insightful 👏 ❤

[@mjingj]

Caitlin, its not 17%, more like 1%. $100k/year takes you 20 years to even save to 1$M. Its nothing.

[@tamtamr9081]

exactly!

[@teresareviewsitall3613]

If you watch the millionaire matchmaker, basically all of the millionaires show make me say Nooooo, not worth it.

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

I should check that show out!

[@sams3015]

Hey Caitlin, did you change your upload times too recently? Idk if you cover this but “coaches” both male & female are toxic af…I get targeted as a man “how to be a high value man” and it’s so cringy. PS: dying with the sprinkles

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

Thankyou! Im going to do a video about this hopefully this month Also yes I did thanks for noticing now my videos don’t get the same views and I am trying to find a community the recommended times are different than what they were before with my other content Thanks for watching ❤️

[@luciestevant1684]

When I met my husband he was jobless because he was only starting walking after breaking his leg and laying in a bed for a year. He was kind and fun and nerdy and caring. He would travel 2 hours every weekend to see me. He wasn't rich but he cared for me and treated me with love and respect. No we have a decent life and 2 wonderful children and we are happy. We have a roof over our head, food in our plates and love. A good, caring and loving man is enough. If you want more money, make it yourself.

[@deannab8890]

In US the wealthy don’t earn income (time for money), and those numbers are not accurate. There are plenty. Wealthy have trusts that hold corporations that hold LLCs that hold businesses and assets. That amount is not reported because it would be shocking that the “wealthy” pay less % into the system than the working class, and it’s difficult to measure because of deductions.

[@KatieSweeney.]

Hmmm, I need loads of alone time and truly love to have a lot of space. So far I haven’t found a guy who has been willing to give me the space that I need…. maybe I just need to date someone who’s too busy making money 😂 I think this video has the opposite effect on me 😂

[@Garcelle1987]

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being alone. in fact the birth rate and marriage rates are dwindling so badly in the US & part of the reason is that heterosexual women are increasingly CHOOSING singledom because the male dating pool is so incredibly lacklustre so many women are rightfully opting out ☕️😂

[@nickj12]

Yeah the man she described at 18:16 is what I want. 😂

[@greenteawitch]

Not to mention that you're literally putting yourself in a potentially dangerous power dynamic where you're opening yourself up to financial abuse. I dated someone who wasn't even high value hahaha he made an good wage compared to me, but definitely not even close to a millionaire, even a quarter millionaire 😅 yet he held himself much higher than me because his wage was higher. It was his way because he made the money. I consistently had to do everything for him (literal mum spec) because even tho I worked fulltime, his (almost part time lol) job brought the money in. He used his financial power to emotionally abuse me for almost 5 years. And if you're hoping for a happy ending where 'I woke up and realised my values' or whatever.... well unlucky, cause he ended up cheating on me multiple times with my brothers wife 😂 buuut it did give me a good reason to leave. Fast forward, I make WAAAY more money than him doing FIFO now and am married to an amazing person who I wouldn't change for the world, it's actually our first anniversary today 😅

[@catherinele1580]

I am that “High value man” for myself and my own sugar daddy. No one treats me better ❤🎉 i spoil myself rotten. Make your own money 💰 ladies and be your own wealthy man.

[@raeblair6166]

I value myself and make over 6 figures, but it happened in my 50's and by changing careers to nursing in my late 30's. I am in grad school paid by my employer to become an NP which is now considered a great career. I don't have a BF or husband, and I love the independence. I won't lie! No kids, just dogs. Own a condo at the beach, it's not too shabby but came with sacrifice.

[@renmcqueen]

Ok can we talk about “how to become a high value woman “ nonsense? I watched few videos and Lord what a bunch of crap, apparently nails and lashes and stumbling around in high heels all day is making you more valuable 😂😂😂😂

[@sunnykel7573]

Basically it'd be to become thin, dye your hair blonde, and get either big b00bs or b00ty

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

😂😂😂😂

[@rhonddabosworth]

BRAVO. Genuinely helpful.

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

Thankyou! Xx

[@jenjones90]

Ok Alison Brie...didn't the script say you needed bar peanuts for that analogy?

[@lauranoon]

PREACH!!!

[@jessicarandhawa5965]

High value man and woman don’t exist and It’s a beautiful lie to fulfil certain people demand for few years only. Marry someone who knows and understands basic principle of life.

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

🙌🏼

[@sapphirecamui6447]

I thought "high value" (in this context) meant not only that the person is rich/wealthy, but also ticks ALL the other boxes - good hearted, well mannered, old money, good looking, etc. Well, at least this is what Anna Bey let me understand. I watched a few of her videos a few years ago. In any case, from what i've seen, rich/wealthy men are a bit "weird" and usually controlling. and wanting to control another person never ends well.

[@annamari545]

If you are searching for happiness get a dog. Works every time😊.

[@123tooling]

I like the way woman think nowadays... I'm a single man. Woman don't understand me. Some think I'm gay, some think I'm a creeper some think I have a soft-heart and some think I'm an asshole.. Keep thinking...

[@cillarefinaldo5561]

Babes, I agree with you, but once money is there, I don't think these people care about attraction or political views...

[@zero_2_Infinity]

Studies done by countless psychologists and the like have shown that a person [not just men] have an innate trait when it comes to being super successful.. this was CEOs , most Directors, Entreprenuers, even criminal-comparitives.... they found the number 1 traite in sucess of this level was,. Diabolical-Narcism to the point of psychotic traits. So if you want to find out the typical character of such men.. then search those terms as according to many studies. to be that successfull, they found, selfishness of time and focus, self adoration, total commitment [not to you obviously] and narcsist traits were high on the list of being able to achieve... wich is why most do not reach that level of success. Maybe this is what pushes them to often become charitable.. maybe its to offset some of that self stuff. its not a critisim of anyone who is or isnt successfull... besides, we need super successfull people to live in the world we do and fix the issues of the world. ... i just thought it was a relevent share

[@alessiavonderhoff5961]

U Are so right!