The ‘Honeymoon’ Breakup: Taking them off the pedestal

You dated briefly but fell for them hard. The ‘honeymoon’ breakup placed them on a pedestal. Here’s how to take them down to right size and set yourself free:
Jo writes, “Dear Susan, Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I dated a man for 2 months. It was over because I wanted more, which he could not give due to "being in a very busy phase". He offered friendship but I cut the contact to protect myself. 2 months later, I still have him stuck on the pedestal. Should I accept the friendship to be able observe him more and see him for what he really is?”
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[@robertschrader]

They have time-they just don't have time for you.

[@SusanWinter]

Great!!!

[@user-bf6gn6mg2c]

Susan i really want you back.

[@aubreezarges]

I had almost the exact same thing happen. For me it was realizing that he was not who I thought he was, because if he had been he would not have treated me the way he did. He would not have ended it, he would have fought for me, he would have valued me enough to not lose me.

[@LateNightCigars]

Many women do like you: they tell the guy they don't want him anymore (we aren't a good match) and they hope the guy would pursue them and when he doesn't, they say ah he should have fought for me. Do you hear how ridiculous this sounds?

[@tinalifestyle888]

I'm a fantasist by nature and therefore prone to limerance/escapism so I go through this often when dating, I have to be careful and prioritise self-care so as to not live in a dream world with a lover who doesn't even exist.

[@SusanWinter]

Tina, you have the answer. Excellent. That's great self-awareness and you have already identified the exact tools you need to stay grounded

[@tinalifestyle888]

@@SusanWinter Thank you for your great videos, they help with grounding and facing reality.

[@flower_7890]

Why do you want someone who doesn't want you? Have some self respect...It may sound rough but it's true ...wish you speedy recovery💛

[@SusanWinter]

I know. It's a transit. Not everyone makes the first pass easily. In this time of dating Resilience is especially important

[@annamallard2730]

Infinitely wise and compassionate as always Susan! Also as an actress, I love it when you use the ‘auditioning for leading man’ analogy - it instantly makes me feel empowered! ✨ Thank you 😊

[@SusanWinter]

Thank you Anna! I really enjoy your comment.

[@hilea.m.z4460]

Dear Suzanne You are my light during this tragic time of my life… dated this guy that promised the moon, took me on a romantic trip, gifts, admiration, doing anything for me .. until the day where out of the blue decided to end things even after closing together an engagement ring. The closure was he said we don’t have the same lifestyle and gone. Only god knows the pain in my heart. I go to the beach everyday watching the sunset and watching your videos and praying.. may we all find peace of mind and peace in our heart ❤ Susan you are a truly a wonderful empowering being I love you Light and love from Hawaii ❤❤❤

[@SusanWinter]

I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through such heartache. Just trust that this happened for a reason and you will find the person that will not only heal this wound but will allow you to flourish ❤

[@hilea.m.z4460]

@@SusanWinter thank you for your words dear Suzanne, I will continue to have faith and hope but the most important thing is to love me now and accept change that how we grow… Love and light 💕

[@sushisam3010]

Research attachment theory. Dismissive avoidants.

[@debbyvergoossen7610]

@@hilea.m.z4460 how are you now??

[@Ckyt572]

My ex (dismissive avoidant) dumped me after 2 months, we were in a relationship, full of passion and fireworks at the beginning. Introduced me to his friends, spent every weekend together, called me every day. Suddenly he pulled away, "I like you but something is off, a weird vibe, I can't understand, because I'm 100% attracted to you, sometimes everything is natural and good and sometimes is off". 2 months and he decided he couldn't see us long term (which is what we both want), he disappeared. 2 months of no contact and I'm still devastated, I can't move on, I have real feelings for him but I will not reach out.

[@LateNightCigars]

He found someone else he felt more connected with. That's all. Maybe there was no connection between the two of you to start with, but he still liked certain aspects of being with you. Next time don't get your hopes up quickly.

[@debbyvergoossen7610]

Same girl. Been together for 6/4 ish months with a avoidant and it was the deepest love I’ve ever felt. He wrote me poems, took me to the beach to watch sunsets, went on many trips. We laughed our asses of, talked all night, listened to the best music, did all these crazy stuff together. He was the light in my life: the one who inspired me and took the best out of me. Then one day to the other: he couldn’t do it anymore.. we broke up 2 weeks ago and I’m so sad. Never felt a connection like this with anyone ever. My whole perspective on love changed because of him. I’m never going to settle for someone less then him (- the no commiting parts). He really made me feel alive. Now I have to get myself living again. He is not there anymore to do it for me..

[@brego12317]

Wow Susan. I am blown away by what you said here. I watched this video three times. This is exactly what happened to me, only the time span of this situationship stretched to nine months. Pedestal and all. I appreciate you and your content. I walk away feeling more value everytime. Thank you

[@SusanWinter]

Brego, thank you!! Love having people such as yourself on this channel.

[@marioleclerc4566]

Outstanding advice from Susan Winter. Don't put anyone on pedestal a 6 out of 10 or a 8-9 out 10 put yourself on pedestal. You need to qualify her first - to assess her ability to be in a relationship or to see if you like her. Her patterns and good sides and not only her physic. Wow Wow Wow Thank you Susan - The Relationship Guru😊

[@SusanWinter]

I love this!! Thank you Marioleclerc4566!! Thanks for your input and support

[@onelove0808]

So true..... so true... been there and went into a loop of spiraling thoughts.. Thank you so so much Susan...Wise and wonderful as usual and always..!! Thank you very much for the wise words..!! Stay blessed...!!

[@SusanWinter]

You are so welcome!! Thank you for the love 💕

[@fadajoana]

It is true indeed, staying friends will probably not help taking them off the the pedestal, on the contrary, it might stop one from moving on. Whatever contact was there before, had enough information to remove the person from the pedestal. One just has to remember the things one did not want to see... Thank you Susan!

[@lisaballing7495]

❤ Thank you Susan!! This was me, again and again. Keep moving forward lady, l know it's hard. Dating these days is so difficult. But don't give up! Value yourself! You deserve everything you dream of and more!!! ⭐⭐⭐

[@debbie6533]

Basically they dont want you! Be strong and move on, i chased one for a long time. It doesnt matter what you did or didnt do..he is just not into you. No commitnent

[@SusanWinter]

Agreed

[@woopiemiddleman8232]

Perfect analysis ❤ love this!

[@rocknjocie]

This is exactly the video I needed to watch. Thank you Susan!

[@SusanWinter]

OH !!! SO HAPPY TO READ THIS.

[@ohkay8609]

I made the list 😂😂😂, it brought me back down to reality so quickly, mans wasn't even giving the bare minimum, let alone what I know I'm looking for in a partner, this brings me much relief 😊❤

[@TheCoffeeCat]

I am vaccinated against putting ANY man on a pedestal. Listening to Princella has done it - the ultimate antidote to foolishness, romanticism, illusions, limerence, emotional dependence, pickme-ism and neediness... I wholeheartedly recommend it to women who struggle with these things.

[@SusanWinter]

Brilliant! Much appreciated Thecoffeecat

[@TheCoffeeCat]

@@SusanWinter Susan, I swear, listening to her was better even than reading Women Who Love Too Much. It takes a strong push for getting us out of the whole quicksand of illusions and romantic bull. It's not a light nudge that does it. Our culture does such a great job keeping us asleep.

[@akcr5769]

Who is Princella?

[@TheCoffeeCat]

@@akcr5769 Search for that name here on YT, she's easy to find. I'm not saying anything else because this is Susan's platform after all and it wouldn't be appropriate or respectful to elaborate about other content creators here. I hope you'll understand.

[@fatcatontario]

She should really ask herself why does she want to be with a person who is careless about other's feelings and is a coward. I've lost feelings for people in the honeymoon stage before, but always made it a point to talk in person and gave people closure. It was tough for me, but a good way to rip off the bandaid and have both parties move forward.

[@SusanWinter]

Good advice. Thank you for this

[@malungayesemusic]

THANK YOU! This advice came at the right time for me ❤

[@bridgetanderson4905]

Thanks!

[@SusanWinter]

Thank you so much!! 🤗

[@isaidimapotterhead]

Hi, Susan! I have been watching your videos about break-ups and I must say that they have found a home on my Spotify and KZbin liked videos. I save them because often I find myself stuck over someone who I genuinely thought I'd end up with. I put that person on a pedestal because I really thought we clicked, but didn't. Now your videos are my reminders that her not returning my feelings sure hurts but there's light at the end of the tunnel. There's someone like you at the end of the tunnel. Couldn't imagine how this healing journey would have turned out if I hadn't stumbled upon you here. You're such a blessing to me and to everyone going through the same.

[@Iris11music]

I share your words with all my heart. Every single time I finish watching a Susan video, all I can say is "I'm so glad I've found her. She really saved me."

[@SusanWinter]

This is one of the most beautiful messages I’ve ever received! Thank you so much! I’m honored to be a part of your life!

[@SonicDephect]

This is so helpful thank you

[@SusanWinter]

You're so welcome!❤

[@eveheart2876]

I love Susan. She keeps it real. he doesn’t want to be on a relationship with her. She should move on.

[@bar9849]

or.. you focuse on every single one of his defects, that you saw but chose to ignore.. let go the person, DON´T let go the dream

[@SusanWinter]

That is a sound strategy to pull them down off the pedestal. The problem with the honeymoon break up is that they haven't had time to see the full picture: not just charming and sexy, but lazy, cheap, mean, petty, etc. And I love what you said: don't let go to dream!!

[@opheliasfoxx7429]

So dated a person like this. After a few months when I asked about labels, he told me he doesn’t do relationships. He came back after 6 months, I fell into it again, but saw after a month nothing had changed. Came back again around the 6 month mark, I didn’t answer those texts

[@jamieolivarez9083]

Good advice! They have time, but really if they "WANTED" they would have " MADE" the time for you. You have to let go and move on. Men have done this to me. Recently, I let go and went no contact after 5 months of being with a guy who I though it was going somewhere and the connection was great. Fantastic chemistry, had a lot in common and just felt immediately familiar with him. BUT he just was not that into me like I was him. PERIOD. Sad but it happens.

[@badassbenny1010]

Thank you. I have to say, I have done single sampling for just hookup and casual and I dont like both. So, Intentional dating. Iam going to need to get ready. I like that word and more my style then hooking up, shaking up all that. Also, the video about different psychics, I have resonated with the video. was a bit long so it means it is good. I would like to watch in segments. I take notes sometimes. helps me with communication. And to remember and be in the moment. Peace

[@philipc4353]

People have busy lives, but at the same time no one is that busy. It's just a ridiculous and copout excuse.

[@SusanWinter]

💯 if someone wants to see you, they will absolutely make time

[@sushisam3010]

Another name for it: immaturity. The kind of immaturity that already demonstrates that this person is in no condition to be in a relationship or be a good partner. This kind of behavior is so absurd and sad. Some even offer you a relationship -- shortly after, they walk away.

[@eveheart2876]

I love ur pOV. I been in that situation before. Never again 😊

[@user-bf6gn6mg2c]

I want you back at public parters.

[@lesterespiritu375]

This is the video I needed to see! The only issue is that, this "guy" is in the same social circle as me and nobody in that circle knows that we're in "no contact". What do I do? 😢

[@Jocelyn_Jade]

If they don’t want you, bye bye Lulu! Onto the next!

[@SusanWinter]

🤗

[@oj6328]

Dated a guy for 1 month at the start of this January. Things were going really well. He was the one who wanted to do every romantic things you can possibly think of. Then all of a sudden at the end of January, once I showed how much I was into him, he said that we didn't click. He said there was no spark and that we should stop talking because he didn't want to lead me on. I was so confused because what he did had already lead me to think that he liked me too. If he felt that there was no spark, why did he keep making plans with me? And why did he do all these romantic things? Even though we dated just 1 month, I was so obsessed with the guy and couldn't forget him until now. I gave him my everything. To me he was perfect. I thought to myself that I wouldn't find any man like this ever again. I felt embarrassed and humiliated when he broke things off with me in a public cafe. He then rushed off, leaving me to sit alone and cry.

[@LateNightCigars]

He was relatively new to relationships and needy and bored, so he wanted to experience what a romantic relationship felt like. He was genuinely into you. But there wasn't really a connection.Then suddenly another woman showed up for whom he felt more connection. You had romanticized that relationship more than it really was. That's all. Next time be more cautious.

[@davidsisson2026]

Only it was a she that played , there was no break up. She simply started seeing someone else. When we met up she was with him.

[@patty8945]

Probably, he wasn´t into her, If he was he wouldn't give her excuses. Say next!

[@SusanWinter]

True. And even so- there are people who still cling to the person who rejected them. Especially if the breakup ended in the early days. They tend to imagine that they lost someone valuable. Learning to say, "NEXT" is so valuable! Thank you for that input

[@patty8945]

@@SusanWinter thank you for your fantastic work, you are helping all of us.

[@sharonb519]

BS. People make time for who they want to make time for.

[@SusanWinter]

Which is even more reason to see things for what they are, seeking approval and love from someone you barely known is a much deeper issue. Putting anyone on a pedestal is a dangerous act of self-erasure.