The impact of divorce on children: Tamara D. Afifi at TEDxUCSB

[@Mmmtruk]

who else searched this up cuz their parents are divorced and it's really messed you up and you've never gotten the support and help you've needed?? and that mostly everyone overlooks it and says "it's just a divorce, get over it"

[@donh1572]

Hang in there. Prayers sent your way. Your not alone

[@ayvocals3048]

So painful

[@ayvocals3048]

You can't be victimized forever, my own parents were divorced since I was 4. What you must know is that you alone is responsible for how you feel.

[@ayvocals3048]

You will get over it with time

[@joerogaine3093]

Yeah it sucks. On one hand i respect my parents decision to divorce. But on the other hand it completely breaks the family structure. Neither of my parents came from divorced families so I doubt they know how it feels. And once my parents get old i don't know how I'm supposed to provide seperate care for them both logistically and financially. If they stayed together they could take care of eachother. Some people go homeless trying to take care of their parents in their elder years. I'm willing to spend my life savings to take care of my parents when the time comes, however that means everything i ever earned will be wasted because my parents couldn't maintain the structure that we all depend on, thus giving me a lesser quality of life.

[@Mmmtruk]

IT HURTS MY HEART TO SEE KIDS COMMENTING ON THIS..... I AM SO SORRY MY LOVES :(

[@seattleseahawks1480]

mich c thank you

[@puddintaine6600]

Thank you it is very hard

[@keelycronin3657]

Thank you mich

[@darklightmotion5534]

Thank you

[@august7583]

Thank you 😭

[@emwinnie5663]

Low self esteem, anxiety, depression-> story of my life.

[@Linge88]

My parents are still together, and I'm 30 years old. Doesn't matter. I have low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression anyway.

[@vanessajulaj1876]

Em Winnie yep same here

[@alejandorcampos3554]

Same I am only 12

[@nw5390]

Em Winnie: parents are still together yet I have all three!

[@samanthaj4800]

Ingelinn Lilleborge divorce isn’t the only cause of that obviously lol... but pretty much every kid who’s parents went through a bad divorce do have it including myself. Do you see what I mean?

[@spaghettisundae2650]

Basically were all here because we can relate

[@rlnbin]

Yea man yea😕

[@colour2690]

Thanks for the Video clip! Apologies for butting in, I would love your opinion. Have you heard about - Taparton Returning Love Takeover (Have a quick look on google cant remember the place now)? It is a great exclusive guide for learning how to stop divorce without the normal expense. Ive heard some awesome things about it and my cousin after many years got cool results with it.

[@sylentknight]

not I, although I do sympathize with you all, it's preventable maintenance for me.

[@TheNikhilify]

I can't I'm here to learn psychology

[@hth2830]

@@TheNikhilify i’m doing sociology 🙄

[@garybsg]

SHE IS RIGHT DIVORCE HAS A SHORT TERM EFFECT ON CHILDREN - FROM 2-90 YEARS

[@uberpotato379]

Teresa Linton r/whoosh

[@lolzmcfree6996]

Jackson Smith at 91 their parents are probably dead so

[@limes-x6l]

I’m reading this as my parents get divorced 👌

[@abigaildeese5317]

garybsg yes I’ve been feeling it since I was 3

[@AAslays]

🤣

[@tiamorrison4949]

My parents are divorced and all my friends think I'm funny, crazy and happy all the time but when I get home and go to be I just lay there and cry for a long periods of time but no one knows. i live with my dad and my 3 sisters and my mum lives in a totally different country. I love my mum and dad equally. It takes 4 on a boat to get to my mum and cost a lot of money which we struggle with. I only get to see my mum on holidays and I'm only 13 and my mum and dad split up when I was 4 but I still cry and cry how much I miss them :(

[@michalchik]

That sounds rough. I hope you get to see your mom more and maybe even get to spend more time with your dad but never forget to make teh best of what you have. That is matters more than what you do not have.

[@isaaslozada2456]

I know exactly how you feel

[@aislingcotter2814]

I do the exact same thing all the time I know how it feels

[@Yecowa]

Well, if you still cry it is bad, but then you even stop crying, care, love...

[@garybsg]

I'm so sorry to hear that, I suffered the same thing many years ago. I promised myself that someday when i grow up, I will be a loving father and keep my family together. Today I've been with my wife for 40 years and three happy kids. You can do the same. God bless

[@kristenstudebaker814]

Something that I internalized at 17 when my parents divorced was that I was unlovable. If half of me is mom and half me is dad, and they both hate each other, they each must hate half of me. They would deny this of course, but this is the logic we struggle with, and is very difficult to overcome no matter what they said. My peace came through becoming Christian and knowing I am loved deeply by the one who truly created me. That has been the only salve for me, and I am now in my late 50's

[@b.snipes]

❤️ I love this!!

[@dudeskidude8376]

Yea My sometimes dad would say i had snake blood just like my mom then my mom would sometimes say I was just like my abusive dad sheesh lol

[@bakhytgul4457]

Yeah, but we are not half mom and half dad. We are something else! This is not math like 1+1=2, this is wild mix of genes, which eventually creates something new, something or someone completely different than donor of genes #1 and donor #2.

[@duhduu6658]

@@dudeskidude8376 Me too

[@roseyy1920]

Be Islamic, its better then Christian, Christian is a fake religion, Islam is better, you should also wear a hijab and niqab, pray 5 times a day and only eat halal :)

[@GodDamnit7711]

They should study the effect of parents who stay together in misery and fight everyday but, "stay for the children".

[@sarojanisachu]

would that "stay" make the children happy..is the million dollar question :p

[@NoProxies]

Everybody should study the definition of love before they make kids or break someone's heart,imo..

[@garybsg]

They are happier and many studies show this. But why? Because you can't "get" happiness by breaking deep, loving bonds with your children and your wife or husband. It is an error to think that fights are permanent. They are not, because people keep maturing and "changing" as we age. The people who can hang on thru the storms are the most contented and happy people with intact marriages and families. BTW I hung on and thank god I did. 40 years married

[@GodDamnit7711]

Nice anecdote. Now here's mine: They are much worse off many studies show this. My girlfriends mom and dad stayed together and hated the majority of her pre-21 years. My mom broke it off with my dad early on and now I'm an RN and making more money, and pretty much enjoying my life. I had a calm, stable house. Much better than fights.

[@GodDamnit7711]

Yeah, and that's the problem, most people can't deal with conflict. Adults are nothing but grown up kids.

[@isak4010]

I was raised in a divorced family. I remember that one thing I've done in that time was to focus on my life. Whatever happened to my parents, that was their life and I didn't want this to drag my life behind. Now I've been working to help families who are in tough time like my family back then. Each one of us is given a life for us to shap. Hope you all win in this battle and make the shape you like to be.

[@goldymann5910]

Isabella I

[@zaimabutt360]

밥곤드레 there?

[@StephaniRoberts]

Bravo!!! This is inspiring and refreshing to read. I’m glad you have so much perspective. Thank you!!

[@antrikshachatterjee368]

If ur husband is a alcoholic cheater abusive womaniser lives on ur earning then pls divorce 🙏

[@avanivlogs2031]

Ur awesome its literally amazing i really want to know ur story

[@cheesietv1844]

I know some people say Divorces arent a life changing milestone, but for me, it broke me. I cried for weeks when they divorced. I lost interest in things I used to like, got bad grades and lost some friends due to a change in my personality. Overtime, I coped with the fact that this is my life now, things wont be as they used to be. To any of you going through this, I wish you luck and just know that youll get over it and continue on with your life.

[@tiamorrison4949]

I had to go to court for 3 years getting asked who I want to live with and love the most I couldn't chose I would just cry myself to sleep every night *Thank you for all the support it’s crazy and I hope anyone going through this is ok and it gets better I promise, I’m here for anyone if you need it or if you want to speak to someone who understands ♥️

[@danielross502]

I️ was in a similar situation.

[@WILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLU]

same here I was in 2nd grade. I felt I chose the wrong one and was depressed for months

[@alejandorcampos3554]

Same and I am only 12

[@devongilbert7095]

Its always the hardest decision on because they both have a big impact on your life and that you love them both very much and you know you probably wont be able to get them both but you know that they love you.

[@raysgonesupersaiyan3725]

I feel bad

[@cynthia333]

There is a book called “The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: The 25 Year Case Study.” The researchers followed the lives of over 300 children of divorce, checking in on them every 5 years for 25 years. The results are fascinating. When I got divorced I was surprised to find that family courts use this book to formulate and determine terms in custody issues. The speaker mentioned how children did badly in the 1970’s, better in the 1980’s and worse again in the 1990’s. She didn’t mention how divorce and custody laws changed in these decades. In the 70’s, the children almost always went to the mother. In the 80’s courts decided fathers should be in their kids lives more so they made the kids stay in one home while the parents alternated being in the one home with the kids. In the 90’s, parents stated it was too hard for them to move every other week, so the courts made the children go back and forth. The book theorizes, if parents couldn’t live in this back and forth way, how is it assumed children can? This is just one of the many things discussed in this book by author Judith Wallerstein.

[@danilopioli2512]

Very interesting, it sucks going back and forth

[@tristanjones1369]

I haven’t looked into this enough to say for certain, but I think this hits it the nail on the head. I grew up staying at one of my parents houses for the week then another on the weekend and so forth. Unless both parents helped me take my stuff over to the other persons house as well as having the same rules and mindset, I had to just be one type of person at one house and another at the other house. Hope that can be made sense of for anyone reading

[@sallylara1102]

Wow 😮 I had no idea thank you for sharing

[@jordanbateman2706]

Thank you for the info and rec, just found it on Audible

[@babygotbeckk]

thanks for the read rec!

[@user-wz7ko4ld4d]

My parents aren't divorced but they often argue with each other. I thought I was the only one and I've never met a person who is going through the same problem as me. My mom stayed because she didn't want her kids to feel 'different'. I actually hope that they would get a divorce, after seeing everything that my dad did to her and the nonstop argument I have to listen to. Honestly this just traumatized me since I was a kid up till now. I'm 20 and I've never been in a relationship because of this. I never told this to anyone, even to my best friend because I thought that nobody would understand. They would joke about me having very high standards of guys and I would just laugh it off. I just think that it would be better if nobody knew about it. I think kids with these kind of parents would suffer more as we would listen to them arguing and watching bad things happen almost everyday. Neverending. It makes us have a very deep scar as we don't know who to tell this to because it's a rare family situation. After years, it feels good to just let it out even though idk who would read this. Thank you for reading.

[@raelyngeorge4076]

I relate on a very similar level, and I get what you mean when it comes to dating guys. It's easier to joke about something that isn't real than tell them what's really going on cause they just won't get it. I'm kinda happy, there's other people in an alike situation as me

[@josephbrindley4444]

Same here, my dad was never a good husband so I am always fearful of hurting a girl like he did my Mum. I’m 17 and have never dated anyone due to the fear of not being good enough for them. I play it off as high standards too, it’s easier to say that than recite the story of my parents marriage and divorce every time someone asks why I’m single. It’s not like I can’t get someone, it’s just I friendzone them and don’t know how to go any further or what to do past the casual talking stage. I hate my father so much but I don’t have the heart to tell him that, I can’t imagine how that would feel coming from your son. It’s nice knowing people can understand, but I’m still hear with my bag of emotions and fears.

[@shadyyam2488]

same here fam.....same here

[@jurassicpark9316]

Oh wow we’re the same age, pretty late but I have felt the same all my life, my parents got divorced three years ago so about this time when u wrote this, I hope you feel better about relationships now. I know I have a long ways to go to unlearn the bad habits and to have trust in myself and others. Parents really don’t realize the negative impact their fussing and fighting will do to their kids especially when it’s so visible and they fake their love in front of strangers as if all don’t have problems. My parents are at a semi better space, they’re divorced and live separately and still argue, and I just wish for them to heal because I know at some point I want entertain neither of them any longer if they aren’t able to coexist. Although my dad isn’t the best, him and my mom brought the worst out of each other and it’s so sad parents believe it’s not good to divorce.

[@nasreenfakhri3028]

Thank for your experience, my daughter is facing similar problems and i was confused your situation gave me the insight to fight with situation and handle things

[@EbayNomad]

Going in between houses is hard

[@DonRobertson82]

Put your foot down and pick a house... know which parent was the one to call it quits on your future and your other parent and ditch that one out of your life like they did to your other parent and move on.... my mom divorced my dad when i was 14... i have never spoken to her since and NEVER will. Worthless “mother”.

[@Bria11111]

Facts I hate it

[@EbayNomad]

@@DonRobertson82 Ironically I just did this lol but it was becuase of emotional abuse. Although if anyone else is reading this it is possible to live at two houses especially when you have two parents who can take care of you and treat you right

[@isbsjxbxns]

@@DonRobertson82 this is horrible advice. Your mom has the right to be happy too.

[@DonRobertson82]

@@isbsjxbxns The happiness of the children comes before the parents... Its the parents that should worry about how happy their kids are, its not the kids job to worry about how happy their parents are. Im was sick of having to raise my mother, I woulda liked to have had a real one myself... Life is no longer about you after you have kids... Im not gonna sit here and start caring about how happy my parents are when it should be the other way around... and its not... so no, she has no right to anything from me.

[@is-be6725]

I was 16 when my folks divorced, and remember it being such a relief. I flourished as a young man after being removed from the chaos. Best of luck everyone!

[@dopessysongs]

Yoo im 15 and my parents are semi discussing the divorce, hope they do it, cause these fights and yellings are unbearable

[@jessicarossio]

100%

[@alienvtae9574]

My mom and dad need to see this. Im going through so much. Drama, friend problems, my own problems, i dont need a divorce problem!!!! Im only 11!!!

[@2012loveyourself]

talk to them. let them know how you feel, don't keep it inside. But remember they both love you very much

[@hotsauce7362]

+BTS 4 EXO Just know that you're not alone and to reach out to teachers and other family members for support. You should not do this alone. It's grown ups fault and you have nothing to do with their chaos... Don't try to do it alone, nobody dose... everybody seeks help when it comes to this type of things... be strong and reach out...

[@natj5833]

Try looking up what the bible says about divorce. God can heal anyone and anything in fact he can do anything!

[@hihi-pk8fo]

Ik how u feel !

[@charlotteanderton3289]

same I'm 11 to

[@rk.r2439]

I just went through my childhood photos and I keep crying seeing the girl I used to be in the picture. I couldn't save her. My brother handled it well but it never did get better for me. I keep mourning what our family could've been and it hurts all the time that the fact I existed wasn't enough to stop them from leaving

[@random269]

I removed my pictures from the photo albums.

[@pizzarat2321]

I'm an only child with separated parents. I wasn't supposed to be born, I was conceived on a drunken New Year's night and my dad wanted my mom to get an abortion. Obviously, that didn't happen. My parents never actually got a divorce, but they've been separated since I was 7 years old. I remember living in a two-story house with both of them up until that time, things seemed so carefree, my cousins and aunts actually used to come around and visit for the holidays. My father works as a department worker at Wal-Mart and my mother used to work as an office attendant at an elementary school. They seemed to have a pretty decent romantic life and wanted me to have a good childhood. Things seemed alright at the time. Then when I was about 6 years old, they started fighting. Verbally and physically. My father had anger issues and my mother was getting into alcohol from stress. I remember one time my father was pinning my mother by the wrists to the wall of the walk-in closet, there was blood on the walls. I got involved by trying to get my dad to let my crying mother go, and he had slapped me on contact. I ran back to my room crying and they had stopped fighting once they realized what had happened. I've never forgotten that. My parents sold the house and moved into separate apartments. I had the typical life of a child living with separated parents, switching between houses every other week. I had naturally grown more attached to my father as my mother would drink and have boyfriends around whenever I went over. I still remember the times we went into her room just to find her barely conscious on the bed with an empty pill bottle in one hand and a bottle of liquor in the other and had to take her to the ER to get her detoxed. I didn't have friends growing up and was often bullied for being that one 'weird girl' with the baggy clothes that always sat alone and didn't really talk to anyone. No one knew about my situation, not even the teachers, for even THEY disliked me. I didn't talk to anyone and became apathetic throughout the years. I had to change schools every two years as my parents were constantly moving. Things didn't really change with each school I went to. My mother is an alcoholic and has checked into rehab and stayed in halfway homes multiple times throughout the years. I slowly started staying with my dad more often as time passed, and eventually just stayed with him full-time once we actually settled in a new home when I reached the 6th grade. Sometimes when my mother was sober, she would stay with us. She suffers from bipolar disorder and would eventually turn back to drinking and repeated the process time and time again, sometimes ending in fights and broken glass before being sent back to rehab. She even went out driving on the highway late in night when she was drunk, with my father and I getting a phone call from a far away hospital saying she was in a severe accident and that her car was totalled. She got extremely lucky with only minor scars and got her license revoked. My dad got tired of these situations around my 8th grade year and made her find her own place. My mother is on disability and has been able to find her own apartment and make a decent living through a housing association. She still relapses every now and then, but she's doing better. My father seems to be doing alright, but seems rather lonely and depressed, talking to his sisters often. My only family I really talk to is my father, with the occasional monthly visit with my mother. I'm a 16 year-old junior in high school now. I have one friend, the other friends I've ever had have all abandoned me in favor of other people. I'm a little lonely and I hardly ever talk about my feelings and my past as no one cares to listen. I feel misunderstood. I've grown to accept a nihilistic outlook on life. I don't see the point in living. But I need to be successful and make my dad proud and go to college and make a living out of myself. I don't want to see my dad stuck working a dead-end job for the rest of his life. I've grown weary and I'm only 16, almost 17. I know I shouldn't be upset over my past as others experience a whole lot worse, but it still hurts. I didn't have anyone my own age to talk to growing up like most children growing up in a broken family do, I didn't get to have a sibling or a close friend to confide in. It's hard and I feel like no one else is going through the same exact situation I have, as they all have a sibling or someone they leaned on for comfort. Life is unfair. But it is what it is.

[@maeri6040]

I'm so sorry... God bless you; you are here for a reason. Everything you've gone through will help you or someone else down the road. Keep fighting. I promise you life will get better.

[@cloudonmytongu3]

WOW. You have been through so much at 16. I promise that there is so much more to life after high school. If you decide to pursue higher education at all, you will likely meet a lot of new and different people who will share your interests. It's impossible for you to keep it all inside so I encourage you to reach out to any sort of support group for people who have alcoholic or bipolar family members or to join a church (even if you aren't religious -- I'm not but I see the value as an amazing source of community. The Unitarian Church is really open-minded for example). None of this was your fault and you are a very strong person.

[@pitadiaz1555]

+Mae ri Moon

[@1166justin]

I feel you, i dont have the exact situation and everything but i feel you. Life is so freaking unfair and lonely i know I've been there and until now suffering due this label as a "product" of a broken family. But even when life is at its worst itll be fine sooner or later. Even i am still hopefully hoping that it will be fine. God bless

[@janetthomas1076]

Idgie take care lov

[@cheeseytacotime9380]

I get migraines a lot, but I get more migraines when my dad and his girlfriend fight. Edit: parents always think that their child doesn’t know what’s going on, but they do. They know everything.

[@sajidkhan-qu9bx]

Are you divorce

[@3Torts]

Not everything, but kids can definitely tell when we lie.

[@keelycronin3657]

The kids with divorced parents know everything we understand a LOT and it is really hard

[@mysecretsketchbook865]

How are you. Sending Peace ,Friendship and Prayers your way. Peace from England UK

[@rachelashalen1868]

Yeah when that happens, just try to physically separate yourself from the situation. and pray that it gets better. :(

[@CreepyGoblinIsU]

mind blown. I didn't realize how hurt I had been

[@AmericanWithTheTruth]

I am 45 years old today and my parents divorced over 30 years ago and I’m still devastated and it has changed my life forever because of it sadly. We no longer have a homebase for holidays I have not seen my brother and sister in a very long time and I feel like we don’t have a real family anymore. Divorce is one of the worst things that could happen to anyone. Once you get divorce notice how siblings move all over the country and it breaks apart the family forever. The best years of my life were prior to my parents divorce by far.

[@joes4990]

So true, everything you said. You forever lose your homebase and life is never the same after. You are completely on your own.

[@Red_1976]

I resonate with your comment. I never married myself because of my parents divorce. Our family is now fragmented like yours. It’s very sad.

[@jenniferlee5871]

Totally agree with you. Thank you. This divorce trauma in my life keeps on creating division in my life no matter how many decades ago it occurred. A divorced Family cannot be a family ever again. You said “ no home base” for holidays”. This is huge. I don’t have a home base for any thing. Siblings all scattered in my situation and avoid connections because it is painful and resentment and fracturing has colored us dark. However this darkness in my life is actually the adults inability and their immaturity and their selfishness. I can finally see their weakness and their flaws are not mine. I’m starting my life over the best I can. And I’m not young. This lecture is like listening to a murder in the nightly news for me. Divorce is a murder.

[@meerajkhan]

Womennnn hahaha

[@madelinecmitchell]

Yeah I moved states away the second I could. It’s nice that we’re not alone in feeling like this though

[@syedlink27]

To all the children going through struggles: There’s hope. It gets better. Continue to work hard. Endeavor to find your passion. Life is beautiful. Life is a gift. -From someone who has gone through similar struggles.

[@cristina1316]

Well it has been 4 years and it has been taking a tole for 1 I am getting nightmares about the divorce

[@getfiggywithit]

My parents just told me today that they are getting a divorce. I always thought they had the best marriage and so did my friends. I’m 14 years old and can’t stop crying. I don’t know what’s going to happen

[@natalies4375]

Figgy Cheese I’m so sorry. How are you holding up?

[@Hyderabadidunyakasafar]

Vienna S........hello

[@jinjiyaamai6489]

stay stong ..

[@aceofmomsyea4502]

How are you now a days hon????

[@jessm8696]

How are you doing ??

[@melgrxce]

my parents split up not even a month ago. my dad was cheating. they were together for 17 years and watching my mum in that sort of pain hurt me bad. but when my dad walked out that door, i realised that there was no going back. there would be no more family holidays, no more proper birthdays or christmases as a family, i couldn’t go home and come into both of my parents and tell them about my day. i didn’t do that enough and i regret it everyday. now i have to tell it to my dad over the phone whilst he’s with another family. it hurts, like really. but i’m getting better

[@richardmcguinn732]

Oh I’m deeply sorry about such okay. So touching for anyone to go through.

[@amittib]

I'm a dad and I feel your pain. I'm so sorry you had to go through this. Felt good to read the last line that you are getting better - well done you!

[@sweetarts445]

She was so spot on with everything. I'm the child (college kid acutally lol) that has parents who won't divorce and it feels so poisonous to my spirit. The constant fighting, the constant ignoring, mean words, etc. I hate coming home. It's so hard because I love both my parents so much..

[@coolcool3754]

I am currently in the same position as you. I hope you are doing better now

[@CrazyKittyCatLady]

So I'm the parent thinking i want a divorce.....

[@Thebridgeacross]

Our children watch how we create our lives, which is why we have to be responsible for every decision we make. It’s sad to know that in every divorced family, it’s always the children who get badly affected. Like Dr. Tamara's said, the only thing that we can do to our children is to listen to their inner voices.

[@casperwolf813]

From my experience, it hurts. Don’t make my mistake. Do not go silent into that good night.

[@ynezchng2731]

My parents are going through a hard time. In school. I would look like a very cheerful and happy person but really I was hurting very badly. When I went home I was the total opposite of what I was in school. Sometimes people who are hurt the most try their best to make sure others are not hurting unconsciously

[@rachelashalen1868]

stay in tune with your emotions, continue to process them, it will get better! :)

[@ningdong8399]

Yes. That is why I do not hurt others, even when others hurt me. I have a difficult but interesting life: always got hurt by the mean, then got help from the kind.

[@tomgrime4534]

You will only truly know what it's like when you have experienced it your self

[@doctorhannah_]

I have never had someone explain my life so accurately

[@electroandcake6658]

When my parents divorced I was happy. Maybe it is because my dad always stayed super involved with me and they stayed friends. But my relationship with both of them improved tremendously after the divorce. I was 14. Especially the relationship with my dad. Before it was just living with 2 sulky people who thought almost every day. My mum always found a million reasons to be unhappy and ruin everyone's mood. My dad came home very late and a barely saw him

[@ranahelenhawa571]

Beautiful answer

[@viviaguilar29]

Thanks for saying that!!!

[@tupacmmm]

May I ask you something privately?

[@user-js6ch1mf8g]

Sounds like mom was disrespected amd lonely. Let's pray we never end up like that. Hug her

[@mackenziedial6776]

I was going to comment something similar. Divorce with my parents actually was the best option. Without it, things would have gotten way worse

[@rubyjefferies847]

Short term impact. I'm still dealing with it. It was 10 years ago

[@kahleaandrews8396]

happened when i was three and now im 15, affecting me now more than it ever did before.

[@rachelashalen1868]

yuppp have you heard of the sleeper effect of divorce? happened to me! totally

[@sumiyahballack9036]

Exact same

[@Bria11111]

Happened to me a few years ago around when years later still going through it I’m tired of going house to house but they don’t understand how much this has broken me I have kno one to speak to I can’t even speak to my parents

[@215hana]

@@kahleaandrews8396 how is it affecting you now ? My son is 3 and I’m scared of divorcing my husband.

[@daniellevandalen8850]

My parents got divorced when I was about 7. It was honestly the best thing that happened between them. Me, my brother, and my sister do not have any lasting effects from it. We are all happy with the situation. My dad has moved on and we absolutely adore our stepmom and my mom has also moved on and is happy. I think that divorce can be a very positive uplifting experience for the children if they are nurtured and loved by both parents. I have been very blessed with my parents' communication and am so blessed with how their divorce has positively affected me.

[@lee2005us]

from an divorced husband and father..Thank you for your inspiring words..

[@Ezraforprez]

why should someone keep their truth hidden?

[@Ezraforprez]

TCT you have a very narrow worldview

[@Ezraforprez]

you not only think your way is the only way but you don't want to hear anyone else's experiences because they conflict with your opinion.

[@Ezraforprez]

that is all anecdotal evidence, I'm not saying divorce doesnt negatively affect children, i am saying this isn't everyones experience. that is based on someone else providing details that it was not their experience and you are telling them that because their experience doesnt match with your own that they shouldn't talk about it. which is ridiculous

[@priyankapanwar8321]

My parents stayed together. They don’t believe in divorce. My both parents have abused me . My mum never stood from me. Now I have ended in relationship where I was abused and on the verge of divorce myself so if your parents are divorced or separated and they don’t involve you in their conflicts. It is better they are divorce rather than stuck in bad marriage because reality is marriage is hard and we all have childhood wounds so if your parents didn’t abused you, neglect you. It is better for you to have 2 happy homes than 1 bad homes.

[@angelanurse2584]

adultery, spouse abuse is not good for kids to witness. no love, intimacy in a marriage should be witnessed. constant turmoil and lack.of trust in home isn't good either. it is sad and disheartening.

[@WallersFarm]

That's why mine are divorcing my dad was cheating two years straight so many arguments him punching walls his father kicking me and my sister out my mom and dad have been married 21 years and he first cheated when they was 6 months married and he cheated on her with a 17 year old my mom and him worked it out till 2014 he started cheating again and i already suffer from depression and anxiety now its worse i spend most nights in the bathroom feeling sick to my stomach my father doesn't care he says he does but he doesn't act like it

[@amy-iz3vr]

My parents got divorced but got back together a couple of years later. They still fight but Its definitely getting better and they are trying to get help for their marriage!

[@goofymedia31]

They say children who went through a divorce peak around 11 for potential trauma. Well I was 12 when my parents divorced & it was a complete blindside to everyone. They tried counseling & a bunch of tools to make it work, but it just wasn’t enough. My parents rarely fought in front of us. At the time, I couldn’t understand. For me I was a completely blindslided & then my sister left for college that same week. I felt very alone & i’m 25 today but I’m just realizing I think I have trauma from it. I couldn’t describe why I got so so hurt over ruined friendships or getting overly emotional. When it comes to my family I try to fix everything & cant handle certain situation well because of my past. I have these triggers from it. I’ve been in out of sadness extra lately and especially with 2020 happening. I think a lot of my scars from my past reopens. But this is a huge eye opener and I’m glad I’m not alone.

[@laela6289]

Despite my parents being overall good and caring caregivers, they use to talk about each other like trash during their divorce, especially my father who was particularly more aggressive during the child support battle where he called my mother a "whore", in a text message to me and my sister. Even as young as 6, I remember running to my mommy and telling her the latest thing Daddy said, and she "giving me the correct information", which from both parents was widely inappropriate for me to be hearing at that age. She was the main custodial parent, so we got to hear her angry side of the story of the divorce for the better half of our childhood lives, which could be summed up as "your dad was a horrible man who victimized me" -but to convince herself that she wasn't turning us against our father she'd always remind us that he was a "Hard worker" and "knows his politics". It never really occurred to me, that this information should've not have been shared in the first place, and should've been kept between her and my father, or her and her counselor. Now being a adult, and looking back on my upbringing with my mother I'm definitely seeing that there was two sides of this divorce, and both of my parents needed help. And since reconstructing my damaged relationship with my father in my late teens/ early 20's, I've been more aware of how my mother talked about my father, and how much it really does sting. It's almost as if she's insulting _me_ , when she berates on his shortcomings or seems disgusted to talk to him. I've also seen that beyond my awareness I did form a 'alliance' with my mother. I did see my dad as the bad guy, and my mom as the victimized hero who saved me and my sister, as I was constantly defending her, and quick to join in her criticisms against my dad. I can see why he and I had such problems, when I did see him as the bad guy, and he probably sensed that and felt hurt/betrayed. When I became older (now) and finally asked her to stop talking about my dad in the way she did, she said she felt "betrayed"-which solidifies my suspicion that she was indeed trying to slightly turn us away from our dad, possibly even beyond her own consciousness. The whole thing between them was/is vey unhealthy. Divorcing parents, the worse thing you can possibly do is get your still-developing children into your adult problems. They are halves of both of you, insulting your partner's family, or the partner themselves is like insulting a part of them. Do not use your kids as pawns, do not become angry at them for expressing traits that remind you of your partner, that turns into self-loathe later on and a resentment towards their own parents. Your kids aren't your confidents, or your friends. They are already navigating and need your help for guidance.

[@AllBikesGreatAndSmall]

I am in the same situation except I am the Dad. I haven't seen my daughters because of parental alienation in 7 years. Is there a way to try and repair the relationship coming from my side, or do I wait for them to seek me out?

[@raniaalsabbagh8292]

@@AllBikesGreatAndSmall youre the dad. Reach out please. Your kids need to feel loved and wanted as children.

[@AllBikesGreatAndSmall]

@@raniaalsabbagh8292 I did and it didn't go well.

[@Red_1976]

We’ll said! X

[@bigbabygamer5909]

This had happened to me where I got so sad I almost killed myself my dad saw me in my room with a stool and rope god I'm glad my dad helped me.

[@natj5833]

My parents have been divorced since I was 2 or 3 and it is hard and I remember a little still but it's not the end of the world! God heals anyone and anything and if you just ask him he can help you!

[@Sheridan04]

My boyfriend’s parents were divorced and I always wondered if it got in the way of our relationship while we were together. To all those ppl going through this, I’m so sorry for all your struggles. The healthiest way to deal with it is getting help and having someone to talk to❤️

[@70two41five]

As a son of divorce, I can guarantee that it did. We lack the modeling of healthy relationships.

[@aangel9362]

Thank you for sharing Professor Afifi. I thought that your presentation was very informative especially since it was supported by findings of your research. What I take from this are the powerful subliminal points that came out: 1. Know oneself first as an individual before parenting 2. oneself and spouse/partner must strive towards effective communication in the relationship and family. Many times adults are the cause of underdeveloped and broken individuals who they failed to parent properly.

[@iganokabamaru7185]

To avoid divorce, don't get married in the first place. Period.

[@loisvandijk6324]

my parents never got married and still separated when i was 9. so the actual solution is never get children

[@Chimonger1]

You'd also need to avoid any long-term relationships, and _never_ have kids.

[@duckie.louise]

Found the MGTOW.

[@신효성-l5u]

I think everything would be fine if you just choose the right person. Hope that's right...

[@fabnvblv]

Nobody gets married thinking they are going to go through a divorce

[@babygotbeckk]

after 24yrs of marriage, my parents are finally calling it quits. i’m 29, and i remember being as young as 10yo BEGGING them to divorce. i always felt guilty for that, but after hearing this i feel seen and validated. if anything i’m actually a little annoyed that they’re divorcing now after my siblings and i already navigated our entire childhood through that kind of home environment and now have to deal w the trauma. but ultimately for the sake of themselves, better late than never. i just sent this video to both my mother and father. really love that this was out there.

[@isj8827]

7 years ago me 17 years old and my two sisters, 14 and 22 years old drove our mom to the airport to say goodbye to her as she was moving back to her country after divorcing our dad. That feeling of saying goodbye to her like she was just a distant relative who had been on a visit for a week was the saddest and most surreal feeling I've ever had. I have severe social anxiety, low self esteem and am suicidal. That has been accumulating since that departure of our mom and as a result, I've isolated myself to the point of having little to no connection with neither of my parents and very little to my sisters. I am deeply ashamed of how our family shattered into pieces. Especially when people ask about what my family is like or how each one is doing. I don't know what my family is anymore. This divorce was a bomb that ultimately played the biggest role in our future. We weren't the most expressive family so we tended to keep things to each of ourselves and still do. As a result we're each hurting so much now as we're even more closed now post divorce. I know they are hurting as much as me. I see it in their eyes and sense it everytime I see my family members. I see my mom oerhabs once per year or every other year. I want to break the ice and call a family meeting to discuss how this divorce affected each of our lives. But it's agonizing so it would be like opening up a healed wound. We pretend we're all fine but deep down I know we're all devastated from it. I agree with the lecturer that people divorce too easily. I feel that my dad and mom could have gotten a councelling, at least tried more than they did. I still don't know what went on behind the curtains in their relationship and marriage and probably never will unless we ask them. I feel that they owe us an explanation as to why they got a divorce. They also owe us listening to how much effect it had on our future and self esteem. Mom and dad had been married for 11 years and together for more than 20. We were brought up in a good home in a good environment in the countryside in Iceland. No drama nor big fights were between them, they off course argued a bit like many couples but overall they seemed happy. We went on holidays together and it was just overall a good childhood with them being together. But affection was lacking in hindsight, both in their relationship and towards us. Then out of the blue they tell us that my mom doesn't love my dad anymore and that was it. They were going to divorce. I am angry at her for leaving us but I know she hurts so much for having done that. My dad became depressed and started seeing one woman after the other which definetely had some affect on us unknowingly, my older sister had to be the parent of us the younger ones as well as a messenger between our parents. I was in a vulnerable stage in my life at that time, starting to find out what I wanted in life and find myself and my younger sister was just left with no parental figure to trust in so I can't even imagine how she truly feels today. The lack of good communication and openness was lacking in our upbringing. So we were brought up in not being too close to eachother or open but we still enjoy each others company and still love each other. Or at least I want to believe so. Often I feel so distant to them and isolated that they've dropped down in to the same group as the other relatives and that is what I'm ashamed of. People seeing how unclose we are as a family. Deep down I want a close normal family like we were but that is just nostalgia and something that will never be again. Us seeking help and talking about this impactful incident in our lives is very hard. At this point in life I don't feel like my mom is my mom when I see her, she's become that distant to me and my dad is just someone I see a couple of times a year and we don't have that much to talk about. Just wanted to vent out here a bit since I've never told anyone my story in that much detail, it helps knowing there are others out there dealing with similar emotions and experiences. Thank you all for sharing your stories, they truly help. ❤

[@DeanduMClarence]

I hope you've found more peace in this last year dude and things are getting better

[@marietzannetakis7870]

I have so much empathy for you! I encourage you to surround yourself with good and interesting friends. Do you like animals? Do you like dogs? I find so much love in my 5 rescue dogs. I am now a mom and I am the glue for my family. God Bless You. I will pray for you.❤

[@janecadousteau3370]

I think you should follow your heart and call that family meeting to get more understanding and closure- and at least reconnect with your sisters. Best of luck and I'm sending you love. Thank you for sharing your story. ❤️

[@Red_1976]

I read your post and I feel for your pain. It is a big trauma to lose your Mum, then have your family fragmented. It is soul destroying. I hope you have reached out for some help and to talk about this - if you can’t speak to your family you must try to contact a counsellor or psychologist to help you deal with all your thoughts and emotions, to help you process everything. You will get through this.

[@folukara1130]

I think you shld discuss with your sisters 1st, even dou it would seem like opening the wounds yet it will be a step in the healing process - at least for you and ur sibs and that could also have a positive effect on your parents

[@andrepalms]

The divorce my parents had affected my relationship life so bad but I got counseling and read books and I’m a new man today thank God

[@coparentingcollective]

👏👏👏 Our children, regardless of their age or parent's relationship status, want the same five things we do: love, acknowledgment, inclusion, joy, & opportunities. So if you chose separation to preserve your self-worth, don't forget about theirs-nothing says "we see you and you're still important" the way great co-parenting can.

[@Thefunkeemonkee]

For all of those who are going through depression ( at Least at the first stages) you can still reverse that by identifying the main trigger. It just does not happens without a trigger or reason. Speak up, speak it because that is the first stage to fight it as well.

[@3Torts]

Jorge Horna oh you mean like seeing either one of your parents? Or being around family at holidays you don’t share blood with. Most of us are aware... we just can’t avoid them without becoming completely alone.

[@joydot7620]

there are so many sad comments on here. i'm a mom going through this horrible experience with 13 yr old son. i cant always explain some of the stupidest, most painful bits and when that happens all i can come up with is the one thing that is true - this too shall pass, noone has to repeat it and one day as an adult you will have a chance to manage your life differently and with some luck and hard work BE HAPPY in your own family. theres a really good book a therapist suggested i read and even though some of you are young i think everyone should read it every 10 years starting in their teens, before they are sucked into the relationship vortex. its called A GENERAL THEORY OF LOVE, if your library doesnt have it ask them to get it. it might be boring and you mightnt understand some of it now, but every 10 years you will have an aha moment re-reading it. it will teach you more about these experiences than anything else and help you understand. wish i could say something more interesting. fingers crossed for you, hang in there, be smart and work hard - this too shall pass

[@wquendy]

my parents got a divorce when I was 5th grade and i didnt find out until the end of my senior year of high school bc my dad caught my mom having affair. it was a mess. i stopped talking to my mom for 2 years bc i was so angry at her. we're ok now but its not the same as it use to be.

[@axlrose500slash]

You're cute

[@swareenaaggarwal]

This video just makes me realize that I am grateful that my parents chose to separate than to stay together and be miserable.

[@힝-x4x]

I would feel really grateful if my daughter thinks just like you one day.. she's only 5 years old now..

[@emma.8626]

“Children whose parents have a lot of conflict but stay married, those are the children actually have the most difficulty psychologically and establishing satisfying relationships later in life” Me: please help Ps. I think my parents stay married for me and my brother. I don’t want to be another disappointment.

[@Cypher-kc4rd]

same.

[@jkb0]

Can't they just reduce their conflict? Are these people people who just don't match and shouldn't have married in the first place?

[@lovemecom3832]

Children whom there parents are undergoing divorce are one of the most depressed child, so for those parents out there getting a divorce is not really a good idea think about it first or maybe seek for an advice before making a big decision that will make your children's lives change forever.

[@mac9162]

LoveMe,com Totally agree. Anger clouds everything. Practice meditation And stop ruining the children!

[@comradecockroash5553]

"divorce is too easy" is a **very** dangerous statement divorce being made easy lowered the suicide rate of married women. I don't want to dismiss children who suffered from divorce but their parents deserve to seek happiness and shouldn't be forced into a relationship that keeps them from it.

[@saraevans5948]

My parents divorced when I was 9. Before that we lived in Europe for 8 years because my dad was in the military. And my mom is from Belgium so that’s also why we were stationed there for so long. So It’s basically home to me. Everything was going great and we were a happy family ( I’m an only child by the way) When he retired we came back to the US and we moved back into our house in N.C But couple of months after we moved in, I started to notice that my mom and dad weren’t that close anymore and they would argue every night in the kitchen. But one day my mom picked me up from school and we took a flight back to Belgium and we stayed at my aunts house for a while. My mom told me that we came back to visit the family so I didn’t think too much about it. Turns out she was planning on moving to Belgium. My dad on the other hand was still in the US and didn’t know that we were leaving. He came back home we were just gone. He didn’t know where we were so the police got involved and that’s when all the drama started. My parents were divorcing and they were both fighting to get full custody of me. But since i was still little i didn’t realise what was going on and didn’t even know my parents were divorcing I was still thinking that we were here on vacation. But later on I realised it because she inroled me back into my old elementary school . I thought it would be cool to see all my friends again but they turned their back on me and since then I had a really though time. I was bullied in school and I felt alone and depressed. And my parents were too busy arguing to see or hear what I was going through so I had to deal with it alone. At the courthouse they decided that my mom would have custody of me in Belgium and I could come visit my dad in the US every holiday. But for five years I didn’t visit my dad because I wasn’t even aware off all of that. During those five years I didn’t even know they went to court or that I even had to go visit my dad. And that’s because my mom was hiding that from me. I guess she didn’t want me to see him. I always thought that he just didn’t want to come and see me because that’s what my mom made me believe. But when I was 13 my mom ended up letting me see him and since then i’de come and visit him every holiday. And still then, I didn’t realise what my mother did was horrible. But now it’s been 10 years ( I’m 18 now ) and i do realise what she has done and I feel like going back to the US to catch up all that time I haven’t spent with my dad. For a long time I have been struggling with social anxiety and depression because I didn’t know who I was and lost myself. But I’ve always had faith in my futur and tried to stay optimistic. And for a long time I’ was angry with my mother and light hated her because she made me think my dad left me and wouldn’t let me go see him but I’ve learned that my parents made their decisions and paved their way in life and now it’s my turn to do what is best for me. And even though their divorce really effected me when I was younger I’ve learned that there is nothing I can do about the past and i had to accept what happend Now I feel free, liberated and ready to enjoy life !

[@saraevans5948]

And I didn’t mean for the story to be so long haha sorry about that 😅

[@therealflamelit]

& my wife wants to divorce me just because I ask her about real issues in our marriage & she cant seem to open up, even after 15 yrs....i feel sorry for some of the kids below..and yes, we have children smh like we are getting divorced over bs that can easily be worked out

[@joshuaf8612]

Same

[@3Torts]

Discouraging for someone like me who is from divorce and has yet to be married

[@chocolatesugar-lovage9678]

Sadly, many kids relate to this, me and my sister included. Breaks my heart. 💔

[@dopessysongs]

Im sorry, I have a little brother too and we are going trough it

[@saltedsnail9887]

My parents got divorced when I was 7... Let that sink in. I'm 13 now. I am still depressed, lonely, and I have anger issues. I got help from a psychiatrist but they only listened, they never told me what I should do. I need help. I really do, if you have ANY suggestions on what I should do to save myself from depression please help. I've already talked to my parents about how I feel but it seems like they don't care. Please reply and tell me what I can do!

[@jumilyn2340]

My father died when I was only 1 year old. I grow up without having a father but I am grateful that I still have a mother than having nothing at all. Some children out there don't have both father and mother in their lives. Some are adopted or homeless. So just be grateful that you have both of them alive. Do not beat yourself for something you can't change but rather be open minded and try to understand why this happened and try to be more optimistic. Goodluck

[@Imancabistan]

It's not your fault. In all honesty 13 is a difficult age emotionally and physically. treat your body and brain good. don't watch too much TV or listen to too much music of no benefit or get into habits that waste your time. don't drink alcohol, smoke, and definitely don't get into drugs! find interesting people and habits. find successful people and do what they do. surround yourself with good people that lift you up. go read lots of good books (ask your librarian for inspiration). go learn. accept all your strengths and flaws. learn about optimism. pray. best to you.

[@aclark217]

+kayla rosy First, if you haven't already, accept that you are an important, valuable person worthy of love and attention from others. It might take a while to really let that sink in and some days you might not totally believe it. And that's okay. You will with time. While you're sorting that out, find a positive, creative way to express yourself whether that's through keeping a diary, getting into art in some form, participating in sports or other organized activities/clubs or whatever else makes you feel like you. Find good friends who encourage you to do and try good things. Recognize that your parents have their own pain and issues that they are dealing with too. Invite them to be a part of your life but if they're not ready to be there for you right now invite others in who are (teachers, school counselors, church leaders, etc.). Good luck and God bless.

[@oliverlikescheetos]

+kayla rosy Stay strong. My parent's are still living together and they're divorced. They put my brother and I through a lot of psychological stress as they fought EVERYDAY. They made my childhood feel like hell. Education I feel at the moment is my ticket out as I transfer to UC Berkeley this fall

[@poppetteppop1324]

much love, all the best.

[@Thefunkeemonkee]

As a father and as a person I am deeply sorry for all of you who still carry a burden from their parent’s divorce or separation. It really breaks my heart too see so many kids and young fellows who were immensely affected by it. All I can tell you is that there is a MEANING for everything that happens in your life and always remember that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!

[@carlotta4308]

i don't think that's true; what doesn't kill you could just as well end up damaging you and your future relationships

[@user-js6ch1mf8g]

After 43 yrs they got divorced I was 3! I'm in therapy I'm a mom and I'm mentally disabeld from it! Now I have a husband I want to leave and 22 yr old daughter. But I dint want to break her heart..

[@gobigandgohomeschool4882]

They're kids. They don't need to be stronger. They need to be safe.

[@catarinacruz1100]

Thank you Professor Afifi. Now I'm sure that I'm doing on the right way with my son, and we just need to move on and I have to support him and give him all the love that I feel and have for him. He is just 3 years old, and it's hard to understand how he feels and why he does something bad/wrong. And some people told me that he was "special", but doctors, therapists and teachers and himself prove them that they were wrong and that it's such a relief for me. Ialways told them it was the divorce and my fail marriage, but they did not believe on it. But now my son is growing like it is suppose to be and they say, 'yeah, you were right'. Divorce it's quite difficult for everyone and after that it's still being difficult. But a bad marriage it's even worse, because I felt that as daugther and as a spouse, and when I realized that my marriage was just like my parents and I looked at me and I remember to ask my mother to do something about it and she just ignore me. It was painful growing in a fail marriage, that I refused myself to give that image and "kind of" love to my son.

[@sophiec3592]

Im a Mom of two and I see children here commenting...I wanted to tell you as a Mom .... I AM PROUD OF YOU! There’s a reason why you’re here watching and listening to this video, it’s shows that you’re trying your best to understand. Parents ain’t all smart and sometime unable to fully explain what happened. Including myself. I work in the health field with a Bachelor degree but yet yesterday when my son needed comfort I shouldn’t give him a reason and as you can see here I am watching and listening like you so I can learn to explain to my children. Know that you’re worthy, it’s not your fault. You’re more stronger than you think and you’re writing your own life story.

[@nurinnadhirah1880]

Im getting emotional rn..thanks for your word proud of me ..mom

[@michelleisgay6427]

"there love hate relationship was more important than us" Felt that.

[@CAvoli2009]

Extremely useful for our family in the divorce process. I suffered for my parents not getting divorce sooner, so I'll try to do it the best way for my toddler. Thank you so much for the great information!

[@4NaturesStory]

Such a strong independent women you are!

[@thedivorcechick3937]

Probably one of the best TED talks on DIVORCE, EVER!

[@magSPHB]

My parents divorced when I was 10. It was, we can say, a perfect divorce. They were respectful with each other, and also cared about my brother and I. But I lived that like au traumatism. I sleepwalked during a few times during the year of the divorce. I cried every two days for one year. My whole world was ending. Now I'm scared of long term relationship. I think it's because I don't want to suffer like that anymore. I think I hate the end of stories. I can't imagine that love can last forever and it scares me.

[@3Torts]

Mag Same 100%. I don’t trust anything to last and I assume that half of my friends will be divorce on the next decade assuming statistics don’t change.

[@beckderm]

I was 8, 40yrs ago. & i still suffer

[@leaneplasson1331]

thank you so much, I recognized myself very clearly through the children you described, and i got all of the 3 reaction you mentionned, you got me crying for real because I thought I was trapped but I had no idea on how to get out

[@miauwmeow]

I was like 4-5 years old when my parents got divorced, i dont remember much but i do know it had a big impact on me, i got really angry over nothing, probably cried alot. It was really hard. I grew up, and it still kinda affects me to this day, while my parents are now happy with their own lovers, it still hurts to know that they did divorce and didnt lvoe eachother. I can still get angry quickly, and i cry, not alot but atleast once a week. I guess it just sort of made a trauma. Im scared to lose people, im scared for the outside world and im scared of love. Love scares me, being rejected, having something not work out, all that kind of stuff.

[@abigaildeese5317]

My parents are divorced and it’s been that way since I was 3! It’s been very very hard! My living experience is not that good bc of it compared to my friend with parents together! I’ve had to sometimes cry myself to sleep bc I can’t stop thinking about that! My parents don’t realize that I’m dead inside! They didn’t think of the rest of the family or how it may impact us or me for that matter!

[@carolineb6748]

My parents divorced when I was about 1yr old. I have no memory of them being together. But I have memories of them battling in court. I found boxes of court documents and reading them about my parents bad mouth each other back and forth with my brothers and I. Divorce is something that has effected my whole life. I battle with depression among other issues because of the divorce. I now am terrified of having a child and getting a divorce and my child dealing with it.

[@richardmcguinn732]

OMG 😱 that’s really touching and hard for anyone to go though. I must tell you no one deserves to go through such no matter what.

[@jbeats9926]

I am almost 26 now and only started to realize how much it has affected me a few years ago

[@dizzylizzie3127]

16:03 I recently talked back to my parents because of something simular and it made me feel great.

[@virtualensaniti2824]

I was so relieved when my parents divorced and I was only in 4th grade! I am now 45 yo and I will never forget them fighting and my mom screaming at me to call 911 and being scared for my mom and trying to protect my 2 yo sister and not wanting to send my dad to jail! Best thing they ever did for me. I had an excellent childhood but in all of the good that is one of the most bright memories.. like it happened yesterday!

[@claraherm1171]

I related to every single point. I’m crying so hard right now

[@Yecowa]

Divorce is like betrayal, it is like your own creators rejected you for like no reasons. You know, creating new life is, tha, very big deal (more than killing, i guess) especialy when this humans talk about love, traitors. I can compare this feeling with... like when you saw something of unreal beauty and after this all other things is just meh. They gave you life, love, hope, kindness and then cruely takes it away from you...there is only void now, liers. I feel like i am (un)dead, just body, "soul" is dead. I have unhealthy interest about my feel after their deaths.

[@TheCatholicGirl]

Every child deserves a happy home and two parents that love each other all the time. However, we live in an imperfect world so that never happens, even in the 'happy, in-tact' homes. We are all wounded. Forgive and love your parents and stop turning inward on yourself. It will only make you miserable.

[@Yecowa]

TheCatholicGirl​​​​​​ well, i know that. This problem is not about understanding, it's about feelings. Can't say for sure either i hate them or hate that i still love them, i guess i dont want to love them anymore or hate or feel anything to them. World is fine it's just some humans not. Good thing is that this all only for a lifetime, bad thing is the very fact of being "alive" all this time, sigh. Or i am pissed because of their actions, how i can pay them back for that? Kill them? Pff... There is no way i can properly pay them back, thats the problem. And yes i am miserable, i mean look at me! I am stucking in this planet in meat suite called human body worrying about "family" problems and telling this to people i dont even know... hm, how to say this, part of me(i am) hate two other parts of me(my parents). Though i dont want to be in unity with all again, nope, never. Can't say "easy for you to say that" because i dont know you.

[@TheCatholicGirl]

That is very sad. But don't hate, feel sorry for them. Whatever they did or didn't do they did out of their own woundedness or selfishness. And even the spoiled child becomes unbearable because they get everything except one thing: love. And so it goes on and on. But you have a choice. You can be different. You can make a new family for yourself. Hang in there. Try to find your blessings, gratitude is the answer. I am struggling too.

[@Yecowa]

TheCatholicGirl you are right but for one thing - i dont want to create my own family because of fear of failure and because i dont want to have kids, i want to be beloved kid in harmonic family... and that's will never happen for obvious reasons. It's just i dont want to feel neither love or hate at this point, yeah, that will be great if achievable, there is plenty good feelings apart this two with much lesser impact. Childhood was great because of that unique mindset, but as time passes by one becomes corrupted.

[@TheCatholicGirl]

Don't keep punishing yourself. You can do this. You can do better than your parents did. That was their deal, don't make it yours.

[@Gremlin9821]

I can relate with the concept that kids of divorce push away the parents. I haven't had a relationship with my mother in 25 years and fake a relationship with my father and siblings.

[@ebaijosephtano5529]

THANKS FOR THIS ADVICE, I was about to divorce my wife with our first daughter just 10months old but thank God for your advice professor. I just believe she will realise her wrongs and come back

[@mac9162]

Ebai JOSEPH TANO and please if u don't mind may I give u some pointers? 1) self reflection...don't blame the other person. Seek to understand . 2) always offer to help, what can I do to help, can I do anything for you right now...3) value her work & effort just as u value ur contributions. I wish u the Best!

[@emmaslifeinhell]

my parents split up back in 2018 because my father found out that my mother had been cheating on him for months. she’s still with that same man, an alcoholic, verbally, and has been physically abusive to her before. i feel unsafe in my own home and he has been living with us for almost two years now. i express my concern with my mother, talk to social workers, but nothing changes. my father got into a relationship in early 2020, and now he is marrying that woman in june. she’s great and really nice, but i don’t want my father to get remarried. he deserves someone as great as she is, and i love them together, but i’ll always love my parents together more. they had a really healthy relationship but my mother cheated on him and it changed everything. i’m depressed, i’ve gotten physically sick which i think is because of my depression. i’m in a wheelchair, and i like to blame this on the divorce, even though it may not be. my parents got divorced back in 2020 and i just miss my parents together so much. they had such a healthy relationship and made me feel so safe. i miss them.

[@tessah.7641]

My parents' divorce was like a death for me and it's a pain that never goes away, it just gets easier over time.

[@margaretmanzer2194]

I'm so sorry. I hope you'll be able to express to both of your parents how you feel/felt. They deserve to know the pain they have caused you and how it has made you feel. You're going to be ok.

[@kennedymarie8511]

my parents divorce is breaking me i can’t handle it all i do is cry about it

[@dopessysongs]

Hey, you gotta keep your head up, be strong, it is not a good situation but keep pushing, I am going trough it now im 15 and my little brother is 10, I cant imagine how it will effect him, imma be his protector and dad for him.

[@bisolajesugbemi]

Hope u guys are doing better.❤

[@chloecrumbley2934]

I'm always caught between my mother, and my daddy and his wife. And now my mothers remarried an they fight all the time. I am a mediator in both situations and it hella stressful 😣

[@nawafalmatruk297]

my parents were so close to getting divorced but they worked it out im so happy :))))

[@mac9162]

nawaf almatruk so happy for you!!!

[@sharksfan2954]

My parents divorced when I was 6 I never saw it coming I was torn at the time and didn't know what would happen but not both my parents are married and my step mom and mom are literally best friends what a way to get a divorce well actually I now have 7 siblings which really sucks because I'm unhappy I sometimes feel neglected I also get really angry I also don't get as much stuff as I did when my parents were married but I don't wanna sound selfish but I miss when we had more money. Don't get me wrong I LOVE everyone in my family no matter what but idek.

[@monkeymindfrance8356]

you have a sad funny story here !!!

[@CourtzMagortz]

This talk speaks to my soul 👏

[@Lottiya]

Trust issues are my biggest problems because my parents divorced after 20 years of (happy?) marriage. So how do I know that the person I like (and who likes me) will stay with me? And it takes me a lot of effort to remind myself that even if it won’t be forever and we would broke up it will be okay. But it still breaks my heart because I’m afraid of investing too much into relationships. And the only thing I want is a loving and caring partner to whom I can give my whole love.

[@kalexambing2507]

People are saying she's all wrong but I'm agreeing with her on a lot of things and my parents got divorced 6 years ago.

[@susgra21]

My parents divorced when I was 5 (he cheated). There was a big scene, my grandparents showed up, and the police were called when he tried to take us kids. My dad is a hypercritical jerk, and his 2nd wife too; I had to spend every other wknd there. I've never recovered. My marriage failed, I have self esteem issues, and don't know how to manage conflict. Everyone asks why I'm not married. I don't like anyone and can't keep a relationship together. I hope my kids are able to find stable, loving relationships. My unaffectionate (mini Dad) ex remarried an emotional stresspot and he often talks of divorce but never does it. That's worse than divorcing. And I can't protect my kids from exposure to that. I just love em as much as I can. #divorcesucks

[@신효성-l5u]

I feel sorry

[@mac9162]

Divorce sucks Big Time

[@EvanP88]

If anyone sees this: My parents separated in 2012 and divorced in 2013 because one had an affair and another used and affair as revenge. My parents are very good, kind, and upper middle-class people. This never messed with me, even as an only child, until I graduated high school. Though my parents aren’t together anymore, they’re now good friends. Just to add this, right before they separated, my mom got me a kitten and she was with me through all the arguments and ugliness. She’s 11 now. ☺️ But my mental health definitely took a turn for the worst after the fact. I was 11 when they separated. If you’re reading this and going through the same thing, believe me things will get better. Remember that though your parents don’t love each other anymore, they still love you. I’m in college now, and finally away from any drama if they did argue.

[@eddiemalvin]

Divorce does not cause low self-esteem, anxiety and depression in children. These negative outcomes are caused by poor communication, caustic interactions, lack of civility, deteriorating relationships and other bad behaviors that typically occur during divorce. Avoid these and, rest assured, your children will easily survive a divorce and even thrive after it.

[@Mr.EeToMyself]

Your parents by chance divorced or they married?

[@mac9162]

It would b a dream if both parents can. In my case I can but my children father can not.

[@chesterullrich2525]

Watching this, and my heart is breaking

[@darshanraj8246]

Im screwed in many ways

[@WILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLU]

yea

[@surbhijain3449]

Redefine relationship and focus on self behavior are very good piece of advice ..thank you so much

[@claire1391]

My parents have been fighting my entire life, but they keep dragging out this divorce. It was supposed to happen years ago, but they never have the time for the actual paperwork and court stuff. I hate how my mom talks bad about my dad and avoids him, and I hate how my dad doesn’t even talk about the whole thing. It’s so hurtful and stressful

[@nesesevgialkanl4389]

TheMadHatter same thing is happening to me wanna talk about or write about it as a people who witnessed similar things?

[@farahleon8046]

i honestly looked this up to try and understand a little bit of what my friends go through so i could connect with them a little more

[@marijastojmenovic2642]

You’re such a caring and a good person. ❤️

[@fifermom1]

When starter marriages end, the CHILDREN should keep the house and the parents rotate in. Let the parents lose track of THEIR lunch boxes, THEIR work papers, THEIR clothes, THEIR sense of stability.....

[@4NaturesStory]

THANK YOU!!

[@dob2000]

i was raised with divorced parents. i am 13. it has made a strange impact on me, and now i cant do anything new. doing new things scares me, making new friends petrifies me. i can only do one thing and play games i always did, old games. i cant move forward, and i find myself playing ps1, ps2, wii games as those were the times i was most happy. i wish you guys the best and i hope i can get better because my parents arent the problem, it was probably my fault.

[@dave1986R]

I don't know what to do with myself now that I witnessed the trauma and pain my parents break up when I was 14. In addition I have a failed long-term relationship under my belt. The fights I had with my ex-girlfriend went down the same way they did with my parents did with each other. My father and I both have short fuses and we could both blow up in our partners faces if they rubbed us the wrong way. After I told my mother the stories about me and my ex her response was "your father and I set a great example for you", which of course was a sarcastic statement. That really got me thinking, maybe I'm not strong enough to function in a long-term relationship. Don't get me wrong I tried very hard to work things out with my ex, but she kept doing things that made me angry, and uncomfortable because she had no respect for people's boundaries, and that could make my blood boil. How am I supposed to have a better relationship with another woman if I thought my ex-girlfriend was my soulmate and had to find out the hard way that she was a complete mismatch?

[@Typhoonbladefist]

Learn how to communicate how you feel in an unobjective manner with not only your girlfriend, but yourself as well. Seek out a therapist for guidance with this if you have trouble. I think we seek out to re-create the relationship our parents had which becomes our "soulmates" if you will. Instead, focus on finding an emotionally healthy and patient partner, that can go a long way and be therapy in itself.

[@pking8952]

I respectfully disagree with typhoon...You need to figure out where the problem lies before you "learn to communicate with your girlfriend" and most therapists are uneducated on the relationship dynamics of entitlement.... You stated "she kept doing things to make me angry" and "she had no respect for..."As long as you push your problem onto your girlfriend it won't be solved. In every relationship...especially the healthy ones...you push each others buttons-wittingly or unwittingly.. It is how you respond. It is your job to change your reaction. You need to figure out a way to short circuit you short fuse. If you feel things building up, you alone are responsible for not getting angry. And if you do get angry, how you deal with it. It doesn't matter what your girlfriend kept doing, what mattered was what you kept doing.

[@patrickbama1234]

David Rinden It certainly had a profound impact on me - but I was 2 when my parents got divorced, but watched them arguing and dithering since birth.

[@ritterac]

I highly recommend Abraham Hicks youtube videos to others. We are each responsible for our own happiness. We need to manage our thoughts. Divorce is sad and tragic for all involved especially the children. The holidays without your children and them with only one, the back and forth, the missing of the dog, the sporting events where parents don't speak and on opposite sides of the fence, the putting of the child in the middle. The child does feel caught. Very sorry my son!

[@jennytaylor3324]

Divorced or together, it's a tragedy for a child when he realises the 2 people he loves most don't love each other.

[@WILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLU]

my parents should’ve watched this lol

[@sajidkhan-qu9bx]

Hahahaha but why

[@jessicafulleman3555]

I’m a 13 year old, only child and my parents are having fights constantly. My dad has even started smoking and drinking again, and rn I’m in my room, watching this because I’m scared what’s going to happen to them. Tbh I just want them to be happy, and I think the best way to achieve that is to get a divorce...as they keep on saying they’re only staying together because of me.

[@Mr.EeToMyself]

Jessica Fulleman You are important. More important than ya may know. They both love ya. If ya had a sister or brother, ya may see how we all argue and stuff to even them. Just as best friends do. That's normal. The love ya. And I can't tell ya enough how much.

[@pedrocuviLEP]

I cannot thank enough you for this insight. Lots of love to you, your work and the ones in your helping work

[@xithman6359]

Parents divorced at 11 years old, I’m 14 now. Has really screwed some things up in some ways.