The INFJ’s Biggest Problem with Communication

The INFJ personality type is one of the types that usually has extremely strong emotional intelligence skills. We can easily pick up on what others are feeling, and we read micro-expressions and body language. We naturally consider the thoughts and feelings of others, and so we usually have an easy time communicating.
However, the INFJ personality type also can have big problems with communication. One of the biggest issues we have with communication in relationships actually stems from our ability to read other people so easily. Because we can read the energy of another person quickly, it’s almost like we can read their mind. We anticipate their needs and tune into their mood instantly. We know what’s bothering them without having to ask them about it.
This ability to read the energy of other people is so easy for the INFJ personality type that we don’t have to think about it, or try to do any of these things. It’s automatic and second nature. So, we tend to forget that other people can’t do this, and we tend to expect that others will be able to read our minds.
INFJ personality types also have trouble expressing our needs. We often assume that other people will read our facial expression, notice our change in mood, and pick up on the fact that something is bothering us, without us having to say anything at all. This is not a realistic expectation of others, and it doesn’t usually work. Quite the opposite. In fact, it can be the cause of a lot of arguments, because when the other person doesn’t pick up on exactly what is going on with the INFJ, the INFJ can feel neglected and unloved, and like we are not seen and not heard.
There is a way for INFJ personality types to improve communication with their loved ones, no matter what MBTI personality type those loved ones might be. Watch the video to find out more.
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[@LaurenSapalaINFJ]

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[@trinabrettnell]

This is me, it's so difficult for me to put into words how I feel or what I need. Growing up we were taught that voicing our needs or feelings was a sign of weakness.....don't be a cry baby is what we were told. Or don't be a drama queen if we were to speak up about a specific need. So it's a tough challenge as an adult to to all this into words.

[@mattm.2591]

This video makes me so sad. I had a good INFJ friend who I miss so much and who ended our friendship mainly because I didn't know that I was supposed to be acting in a different way, not knowing that I was doing or not doing things that were really upsetting this person. During our friend-breakup conversation, I learned about so many things that I would have done differently if I had known that they were important to my friend.

[@DanzyBillz]

I have a hard time putting words together which makes me socially awkward. I wish I was verbally fluent like the rest of the world.

[@julianre.2268]

Beeing fluent ist to be brave and allow yourself to speak your mind, with the words you have. Even if the other don't understand. When you stand up for yourself you will feel better, than staying silent or friendly in a conversation. INFJ myself

[@DanzyBillz]

@@julianre.2268 I think reading out aloud will improve being fluent

[@jansimpson4364]

Boy, is this true! I have taken to expressing needs in email because I find that people don’t listen well, don’t read others well, and are likely to just interrupt me in the middle of what I’m saying anyway. So if it’s something I really need them to understand, I send an email - the likelihood is they will read it and they can’t interrupt the message. There’s also a lag between their receiving the message and responding, and that lets them get past their first knee jerk reaction. And I offer them the opportunity to talk either by email or in person… but at least I stand a chance of actually being heard…

[@tiarrabiggs]

I feel as though this is a common struggle often because Infj's tend to be empathetic. We care deeply for others and it is often not recepricated. I'm going trig this now and while I've expressed my needs several times it's going unheard.

[@jasmin1773]

This actually a main struggle in friendships and other relationships😊. In Germany there is a really cool online workshop, how to do this,that I'll be doing😊. Thank you for sharing thoughts to do this shared struggles. Props to all other INFJ out there. If we can dream it we can do it😅🧡😊.

[@sam12587]

What’s the name of the online workshop?

[@ptyleranodon3081]

Wow. I felt this. I've spent most of my life thinking that people just aren't concerned with how I feel. But this puts things into a whole new perspective. I guess every type has their things that seem obvious to them but aren't obvious to anyone else.

[@lilsubz06]

We need words... oh what a struggle. Trying to get better at it everyday. 😅

[@kacake]

Yes it's helpful, I'm trying now to be more expressive, and verbalize what I need.

[@Heather.C.ButterflySage]

Love your channel and newsletter. I read todays on resources for writing memoir. Looking forward to digging.

[@michaelamappala5238]

This totally describes me, and it bothers me to know that about me.

[@jasmin1773]

It totally can become a strength, when you can learn to decide between your own and other emotions. And it makes you very unique🥰.

[@matilda4406]

@@jasmin1773 yeah, like when someone else feels sorry for us then we feel sorry for ourselves, but without that we don't, we're fine. We always take precedence of others' feelings over our own. Our Fe is very creative

[@jasmin1773]

Hi Matilda. I knew this and still know this kind of situation. But I think it gets better the more grounded you become by age and experience and actually I'm looking forward to getting older then😅🙈.

[@matilda4406]

@@jasmin1773 yes, us infjs don't mind getting older, lol

[@krisluvsutube2684]

Can you talk about how it impacts INFJ to work with a narcissist or toxic boss? I'm having great difficulty with this right now and want to quit but can't.

[@m2pozad]

Here is a very good book on the topic- 'Coping With Toxic Managers and Subordinates, by Roy H. Lubit, M.D., Ph.D..

[@luutzenvanderwey1627]

Thank you so much for this. Everything is exactly on point, and just what I needed to hear. You nailed it

[@cheribarkman1784]

Thank you.

[@rabbitgregory9289]

So true.

[@maybee...]

Thank you for your video's, they help me understand other's better.

[@warrenmoon7709]

Thank you 👍

[@samiraraman7084]

Thanks sweet heart

[@6jefferson]

I find I need to slow things down in order to converse with a certain family member. Or I will need to de-stress when I come home before I interact.

[@anneheerdt8701]

I have been stressed and then I start getting irritated that others can't read things as well. So frustrating

[@warrenmoon7709]

💯💯💯

[@rodogarcia8512]

Any INFJs here? Where have you seen these abilities really shine in your careers? Would love to read your comments

[@goldilocks913]

Ok, I’ll try Errrrrrrrrrrrrrr you know, like the Ecuadorian dormouse has an eccentric ovulation pattern, well, if you plot that against how l felt in the really hot summer of ‘76( starts crying) and how the frost glitters on a field of cows in winter, and the sound a motorcycle makes as it cools? It’s kinda like that 😂

[@don-eb3fj]

"Don't talk to strangers 'cause they're only there to do you harm, Don't write in starlight or the words may come out real. Don't hide in doorways, you may find the key that opens up your soul. Don't go to Heaven 'cause it's really only Hell. Don't smell the flowers, they're an evil drug and they'll make you lose your mind. Don't dream of women, 'cause they'll only bring you DOWN!"... "...I'm forever the evil song you sing inside your brain, that drives you insane. DON'T TALK! DON'T LET THEM INSIDE YOUR MIND! RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY! GO!" -Dio "Don't Talk To Strangers" Many of us here are familiar with some version of this wicked little lullaby, crooned to us in our cribs since the kiss of life, the kiss of Judas, was placed upon our brows. For me it was a powerful enchantment, unknowingly cast by a Seeress blinded by her own dark visions, meant as a spell of protection, the thread that sewed my swaddling blankets around me, binding my life and sealing my lips and my Fate as her needle blindly went astray, deftly cursing me to voiceless silence.(a central theme of "The Book Of Ronin", a work in progress, coming eventually? It has to be birthed under the right stars, and "...what rough beast slinks toward Bethlehem to be born?..." ) At nearly 57 years old, I'm still struggling to find the words, to corral the thoughts and emotions, to martial the will, to remove the sutures.

[@don-eb3fj]

Thanks Lauren, for all you do for we alien beings. I'm enjoying "Firefly Magic" and look forward to some of your other works and your courses, as soon as I can get up to operational status with my antiquated tech (yes, I'm a dedicated Luddite, part of the curse I guess)