The Internet's Strangest Confessions | Chuckle Sandwich

[@AwkwardOddyssey]

"You're the biggest cat ever" that's the most regular sized cat I've ever seen, default sized cat

[@Imjustacutegurl]

It’s because jumbo used to be smaller than that so he is just teasing, you don’t seem like you watch schlatt or even know who he is 😭

[@imhonestlyjustsoconfused]

You need to remember that schlatt is in fact, a big guy, standing at a whopping 6'3 and weighing around 250 lbs. Any big cat would look small in comparison to a big guy like that!

[@Imjustacutegurl]

@@imhonestlyjustsoconfused exactly and Jambo use to be a baby but is growing up to be a big guy but never as big as our big man

[@miss.misery111]

@@imhonestlyjustsoconfused u got a little mixed up there but i get what u mean

[@kaseyquickshot532]

I think jambo is one of those stretchy cats that becomes infinitely long if you try to move him in a way he doesn’t want, so it makes him seem bigger

[@them.]

Since the start of the podcast it feels like Ted has aged proportionate to the amount of years it's been going while Schlatt is an unchanging trickster imp who only exists to torment everyone around him

[@ZazaManJacky]

Accurate

[@kninenights]

Exactly

[@willrbx]

charlie isn’t aging anymore 🕊️

[@demetriam2408]

If he shaves he'll look younger than before

[@thezenv]

@@willrbx yeah because he died when they sent him into the sphynx. too soon, man.

[@harrisothegreat]

Ted surgically switched my legs.

[@Vs3712]

Same, he did it to my kidneys too

[@willrbx]

he inverted the hemispheres of my brain, i’m left handed now :(

[@mesmerian762]

I haven't watched the whole thing, I'm worried

[@Literally_Deez_Nuts]

​@@willrbx You get to park in the disabled spot now.

[@AbbyOat]

Um tell him to give them back

[@raven_moonshine39]

Not being on ADHD medication only because you're dragging your feet getting insurance might be one of the most ADHD problems I've heard

[@pl4t1numVAL]

its probably more likes hes american and cant afford it

[@SuperKyliebear]

@@pl4t1numVALdo you really think Ted is broke? Lol

[@arkap8596]

@@SuperKyliebearhe lives in LA and drugs are there to break your wallet

[@nitsua8143]

@@arkap8596 And? 40 dollars a month is a real killer for someone making 10k+ a month.

[@kovici7226]

@@SuperKyliebeari think the joke was just meant to poke fun at american healthcare :p less ab Teds pockets

[@__Yikes]

Timestamps: Start 0:00 End 59:03

[@bingobutslow7722]

thanks so much! now i can simply skip to the end of the video

[@egnicknoob]

No shit

[@snogoat2393]

@@egnicknoob Multiple shit

[@Drawsdragons276]

Thank you.

[@grobblesnop]

The episodes are shortening. Thank God.

[@camille1795]

Schlatt saying "skelingtons" instead of skeletons tickles a part of my brain, not sure why

[@kungfukitten6735]

“Schkelington” really is a pretty funny guy sometimes.

[@a_plastic_bag]

might be a brain tumour

[@docclane]

The tubbo way

[@CallofFreaky]

I only say skelingtons now

[@camille1795]

@a_plastic_bag Yeah, it's probably the brain rot from watching this podcast. Naturally, Tedison's fault.

[@Zao11010]

Tucker starts speaking 1:03

[@VolumeCheese]

Thank you

[@AugoZone]

absolute high point of the pod. all downhill from then on like usual...

[@Mako11452]

I needed this

[@briguettes]

Thank you for the warning

[@isabelladelacruz9415]

phew thanks

[@GlockSilencer]

Thanks for having me on! Too bad I never said anything.

[@spokenseal]

I loved your silence 😊

[@APPL3ZOMBIEDEER]

I loved your commentary !!

[@ron133.]

so glad you joined this ep! man the part when you said

[@astrut]

tyler pfp spotted

[@KewlKelton]

SPOILER WARNING⚠️ Special guest Jambo appears at 0:44 Special guest Jambo says "hi" at 1:04 Special guest Jambo is spotted again at 7:12 Special guest Jambo is harassed at 7:48 Special guest Jambo annoys "sclour patch" at 16:16 Special guest Jambo is mentioned at 37:57 Special guest Jambo's 🧲 incident is mentioned at 39:09

[@bingobutslow7722]

thank you this saves me so much time now i don’t have to listen to them talk

[@Mantulisme]

Jambo gets more cut than Tucker.

[@camille1795]

I only watch for jambo and [REDACTED]

[@KewlKelton]

​@@camille1795makes sense

[@chrisdoesstuff6609]

spoiler warning next time

[@samsu1437]

Gotta love listening to 3 grown men talking in my ears on a wednesday night

[@moongirl-d9h]

3 grown men talking about women

[@Felixs_Cheeze_Stick]

@@moongirl-d9heven better, adds a little bit of ✨spice✨

[@MohamIsMe]

I love having big grown men talking in my ears at all times.

[@TZ_]

Listen to Distractible and listen to three grown men talking in your ears on a Monday and Friday morning

[@Xiiki]

⁠@@moongirl-d9hthat’s a lie, we all know schlatt talks about men

[@Hellbrid]

Halloween Schlatt is wrapped in bandages, everyone thinks he's dressed as a mummy but it's not a costume he actually just fell.

[@angadgrewal9324]

he was bludgeoned multiple times for his actions in september 11 2001

[@Urdude_ceejay]

I bet Schlatt thought no one would notice this, but when he mentioned the idea of “getting a hotel room and binge eating seafood” theres actually a time to smile (schlatts arg) yt short that has a reddit story about a guy doing that but with candy. I got you schloppy

[@Urdude_ceejay]

Also if you dont know abou the arg, just look it up a few ppl have made videos on it

[@Mohammad.Wahidi]

OOOO

[@Rustyfork_25]

No one asked nor cares

[@thecartboy1]

@@Rustyfork_25holy cool guy over here

[@PVZmasterslayer2000]

Was interesting until Rustyfork said it wasn’t 😿 sorry bud

[@tiled_]

Ted's clone is so convincing!

[@CallofFreaky]

Podcast of Theseus Let’s say, hypothetically, both Ted and “Schlatt” (66% of the podcast) have been replaced. Is it still the same podcast once they get Tucker? Think about it

[@souljaboy.6668]

@@CallofFreaky look at what's on the silver chuckle and answer your own question bud tucker sandwich

[@goldennebula5013]

@@souljaboy.6668they should do a special ep called Tucker sandwich where it’s just Tucker talking to teo prerecorded videos of himself

[@user-ut2nl5on1q]

Here tho 51:01

[@ron133.]

I love zong from Chuckle SaNDWICH

[@im_the_spectre]

For anyone curious, dude who hired the PI confronted her, told her he'd hired a PI, left her sorry ass, and then she tried to come at him for palimony, meaning money owed outside of a marriage after separation

[@nathanwilson9761]

you are heavenly thank you

[@she_cr0ws]

chuckle sandwich never fails to crush both of my knees inwards

[@LordHeg]

she crows mentioned

[@SpartanBrix]

Schlatt stole my kidney.

[@EditingOliver123]

⁠@@SpartanBrix schlork took my appendix

[@potofgoldd]

@@EditingOliver123 schleffery schlamer put my corpse in his fridge

[@bueb8674]

For me it's just my left knee

[@Z0eyz_z]

“Schaltt” can’t even go 2-4 days without getting injured

[@carsonmoseley3344]

Lol or drinking 🗿

[@angadgrewal9324]

bludgeoned you mean

[@brandonwilliam2618]

Stop it with the ranges

[@Chewy-5]

I'm a psychometrician (not psychologist) and I do IQ tests, it's not really as simple as your number means how "smart" you are. The test has a lot of different tasks and some of them people have never done before, but it's mostly used to test your level of functioning, critical thinking and problem solving. However, it can also be used to observe some mental disorders like ADHD, where a whole section can be heavily influenced if you have ADHD. So, if one with ADHD was to take it (unmedicated) it be lower but that would have nothing to do with your intelligence exactly. Usually a good psychologist will keep in mind a lot of factors and will sometimes tell you it's not a determining factor towards how smart you are exactly. But it is a good tool for many other things like the ones mentioned. An 80 might just mean you have a hard time understanding tasks or situations, or it may involve a lot of other things depending on which sections had lower scores. It's still cool what it tells us when we score everything. I am not a psychologist, just the person who gives the test and scores it so if there are any psychologists here who might know more please feel free to correct me.

[@Curiosweet]

I went to school for psychology for a number of years (later switched to bio), and IQ tests were emphasized to not be reliable in measuring intelligence because intelligence is a really abstract thing. There's a whole discussion for how intelligence can be measured, how to embody all forms of intelligence (you can't), etc. etc. There's yet to be a test made that could properly encapsulate every angle. That's really cool to know how IQ tests can be used as an informative tool based on your job.

[@Shiloh_has_a_bird]

yeah i'm twice exceptional and autistic, my iq is 131. When it comes to academics i'm really smart, but i'm severely delayed in social situations and situational awareness

[@krishnastarz]

​@@Shiloh_has_a_bird Are you the poisoner?

[@jaredpoirier8695]

Can we get a Tucker only episode

[@slippinsydney]

@veryverbalsquiddeath penalty

[@StarDiSaF]

@veryverbalsquid condemn him to the infirmary

[@slippinsydney]

@@StarDiSaF omg miracle musical reference

[@codynuckols3653]

Never

[@TotallyNotFeeshHawk]

@veryverbalsquid Dont worry just reported him (I didn't actually report him lol)

[@ayden7252]

I'm still waiting for Theodore to confess to what he did to my junior league baseball team in 2016.

[@Literally_Deez_Nuts]

He took inspiration from Schlatt in '99.

[@Relp7357]

Dude get over it

[@azreal1110]

He took ya girl jus get over it

[@Abraham-yf2sd]

It has to be better than what "Shlesticle" did to my friend's father in 1999. Hearing just the number 9 is enough to give him a breakdown

[@johnnycranknose4098]

@@Abraham-yf2sd9

[@allivairsomething8258]

I wish Schlatt would talk to me the way he talks to his cats. Edit: This was what we call a joke by the way. I'm a super straight man. :)

[@sararogers3956]

REAL

[@jorophoto]

real

[@horrornarrating]

oh my lord

[@Fredstar.]

yeah tbh

[@Niko_x3]

same

[@tasha2320]

I liked that Jschlatt actually talked more this episode in comparison to last epiosde, proud of you for making an effort Jschlatt, keep up the good work.

[@jdz3394]

Congrats schlatt on laying your 4th egg

[@idan_gets_bored]

Guys seriously? Now is not a good time.

[@SillyGoofyOllie]

you say that like it’s a phone call

[@mikewazowzki8759]

Is it not? ​@@SillyGoofyOllie

[@SillyGoofyOllie]

@@mikewazowzki8759 right mb

[@jorophoto]

this episode came out at the perfect time, i was goosin' for a chuckle if i'm keeping it crystal. I possess an undiagnosed mental illness that is currently being investigated.

[@sillybillylylyll]

goosin for a chuckle is now my new favourite phrase. thankI you for this

[@kovici7226]

the english language is your 48 oysters

[@Sprw]

I must confess I didn't mean to click on this video. Bye.

[@samtaylor6294]

Come back bro

[@Egg-76]

Dude same 😭 not even joking

[@tiln2055]

We miss you man

[@camh.04]

Well that’s just rude, at least stay a while

[@FishyBoi1337]

I thought for sure this would be a brand new account, I see bots post this CONSTANTLY

[@nukeacola3]

Currently being mauled by huge roaches in the aftermath of a nuclear war but can’t stop that chuckling

[@Dat1person_]

you guys i’m not gonna lie, teds fashion era is fashion era-ing this episode

[@wallygret]

I fear you are correct

[@agosesco7134]

no

[@Orange_Steve]

"schlattcaller" has an adorable jambo

[@MikeRodruiges]

Still waiting for Ted to just randomly appear in schaltts room

[@mikewazowzki8759]

I want schlatt to appear in tuckers room

[@Sapnapstan39]

​@mikewazowzki8759 why not schlatt AND ted?

[@ron133.]

ted on the bed

[@hellomynameisrodney]

people be like "they put their clothing in the place where their cat sh!ts" and I am like "yeah, and we shower in the same room where we sh!t" lol

[@kovici7226]

but that one gets flushed!!!

[@hellomynameisrodney]

@@kovici7226 is that what we're supposed to do? oh man, no wonder my bathroom smells horrible.

[@kovici7226]

@@hellomynameisrodney no way you have all that room in the lower deck…

[@Wumbologist2442]

Happy 42nd birthday Ted, 13 more to go!

[@reebwar64]

Apandah needs to speak up man 😭🙏

[@cinotaoat]

wrong podcast man 😭

[@taigaeller703]

Who is supposed to mark the beast's first utterance if it never speaks?

[@Al_X-2005]

Now THIS is some Chuckle Maxing material

[@leakdeo]

who up chuckling they sandwhich rn

[@firewallxx7114]

​@@leakdeo 🙋‍♂️

[@Al_X-2005]

@@leakdeo I mean how could you not?

[@riessenseason]

I TRAINED MY CAT, RUDY, TO USE THE TOILET. HE DOESN'T EVER FLUSH AND IS OFTEN INCREDIBLY RUDE ABOUT IT NOW

[@SillyGoofyOllie]

schlatt go one episode without being injured challenge

[@arianaink100]

42:57 you have to change them every 4-8 hours. Regardless of flow - so you’re looking about 6 times a day (every 4 hours) to 3 times a day (every 8 hours) And tampon packs come in 16 - 40. Periods last for 3-5 days or 72 hours to 120 hours. So if it’s 3 days you’ll go through about 18 tampons (4hrs) to 9 tampons. (8 hrs) And if it’s 5 days about 30 tampons (4hrs) to or 15 tampons. (8hrs) Ranging from 5$-30$ (with multipacks being 10-30$) and that will usually include either standardized regular flow sizes or a mix variety of light, regular, heavy flow - as periods will change from light regular heavy to light. This doesn’t include the pads or pantie liners people may also buy and use simultaneously or people with extremely heavy flows or medical issues causing longer flows or heavier flows etc (who may use tampons longer or more frequently change them.) Pads usually are bought for flow heaviness and for morning and nighttime or for various sized underwear as thong pads exist but like who buys those is a bit of a mystery to everyone involved. Not changing tampons leads to toxic shock and on occasion can be inserted incorrectly causing issues. Read the paper how to booklet/side effects. People tend to leave them in longer if they’re short on cash and don’t want to spend too much per month on feminine healthcare and there’s not always tampons made available at bathroom vending machines for sanitary products (altho some fancy store or hotels may offer free ones)

[@picklferts]

Jschlatt is looking very handsome as usual

[@atlasburrsir]

Chuckle sandwich never fails to mention what happened in 1999! Schlorp schlott schlunket. If you see this, we remember. Wake up.

[@awakarikatase]

Schlorp schlott schlunket is absolutely insane HAHAHA

[@drakerain]

Perfect podcast to perform eldritch horrors to.

[@peteartieda58]

52:55 Ted's fashion era is finally paying off. That Superman slick back, the jacket and the undershirt is kinda hot.

[@ClearB4Secrets]

this is the perfect podcast to chuckle to

[@I_D0nt_Even_Kn0w-gt1yz]

Ted sure has some strange internet confessions…like what he did to my kneecaps back in ‘87. Still haven’t recovered from that day.

[@Crzygmer-oe6rj]

First Jambo sighting since 1999!!! So glad to see he is still alive!!!

[@HydraKittten]

"schlatt" never fails to make me violently ill

[@hollybrownexo]

schlarticus’ sigh at the start didnt need to make him sound like a single dad of four that much

[@ambignerd]

48:00 I can relate so hard. When I was little I wanted to be just like my dad so I pretended to be allergic to walnuts. It went as far as my mom telling the school and my doctors so they could make a note of it. I have NEVER been to an allergist. But now that I am older, I am in fact allergic to walnuts, peanuts, cinnamon and other acidic foods like eggplant and pineapple. I just couldn’t believe that I got away with not actually being allergic to walnuts.

[@toshiscool]

i MEANT to click on this video. Every time I see Ted’s lovely room, I smile from ear to ear! Huzzah for Chuckle Sandwich! 🎉

[@TheStellarJay]

We trained my cat to shit outside. It like learned from my dog or something. Never used the litter box, always just meow'd to go outside

[@lakers4life71]

My neighbors cat was also trained to go shit outside. Last month she went out to piss at 7: AM in the morning. She was tragically attacked by coyotes which are common in my area and passed away. Coyotes are animals that usually are not out and walking around at that time and it was also only for a few minutes and near the house so it seemed improbable. My neighbor hasn’t let their cats out for the past few weeks..

[@iam_crumb]

@@lakers4life71 omg thats just an out of nowhere accident :( i hope your neighbor is doing okay

[@anbueditz75]

i bet 20 bucks schlatt says the word “bludgeoned” atleast 5 times this episode

[@_yourlocalartist]

5:50 I zoned out and came back during this part

[@thelivingtrebuchet6180]

i think after schlatt in the intro, we need one single picture of tucker that just says "this guy"

[@cadenollar2408]

This is the perfect podcast to listen to while suffering the eternal torture of my own doing!

[@thecombine887]

"scaat" starts speaking at 0:00

[@I_like_turtles_1]

Thanks i was looking for that part

[@connorcombs3691]

Hearing ted say he couldnt inject himself once a week is rlly funny as a type 1 diabetic. I was diagnosed at 16 so it was a big change, but even with a fear of needles the multiple time a day injections quickly became normal.

[@mrfloofers2967]

Schlip n’ Schlide

[@asmodahlia]

KZbin apparently thinks this comment requires translation to English, which becomes "Tie n' Schlide", which I'm pretty sure still isn't English 😂

[@Sassy_Assassin76]

my dog is literally dying, but i cant stop that chuckle sandwich grind

[@Und3adBr3ath1n9]

25:35 "I just wouldn't want to inject myself every week" Teds voice says from my headphones as I set out my T stuff for tomorrow. Anyway, I find self injections aren't that bad, at the least mine aren't. I take my shots in the thigh, it's really more about will power (convincing you're body to stab itself) than pain. I've had papercuts that hurt less.

[@Meow_escapes]

Me

[@lufufi3iboo]

26 not 25.... dont ever let me catch u making a mistake like this ever again harlot

[@jeanpants387]

Felt that it's shot day for me 😅

[@Yaniner]

Been watching yall for forever, thanks for the chuckles, always looking forward for it

[@mj4r]

changing ted to schlatt in the thumbnail is crazy work

[@shrubninja6444]

I actually relate to the seafood one a lot, as I've also been trapped in a stupid lie about something entirely meaningless for about two decades: having no sense of smell. I was allergic to some kind of pollen or something in the area where I grew up in Florida, and was always congested so I couldn't ever really smell anything. After moving out of Florida, I don't know why, but I'd just tell people I have no sense of smell. I've kept this up for about twenty years now, and literally no one questions it, including my family. I actually think my brain has adjusted to me not using my sense of smell to the point where I *actually* can't smell anymore. I have no idea why I've done this.

[@prometrium]

schlatt looks like theyre slowly being compressed by an unseen force about 10 minutes into these

[@schematticYT]

You've heard of the liver king, get ready for the chuckle king (and schlatt and Ted)

[@madgoonproductions8406]

I just wanted to pop in and say that Schlatt and Ted are both people and Tucker is also a person.

[@schematticYT]

Huge if true

[@coderod4206]

idk man

[@l1z4rd67]

no i dont think so

[@Tabirry]

Best thing to do for a cat litter box is change from the clay litter to something like walnut or corn husk litter. We prefer walnut husk its not to expensive, absorbs the odor as well as clay especially if you sprinkle baking soda on it when you refresh; biggest benefit is the lack of dust, the litter does not track almost at all.

[@Watslol]

a phycologist once told me that its best to not get your iq tested cuz it can hurt your mental state and make you feel worse about it

[@augustinasvilkas]

You really needed a psychologist to give you that epiphany that people feel worse when they know they aren't smart?

[@Watslol]

@@augustinasvilkas I was in middle school so yes

[@augustinasvilkas]

@@Watslol that a little late to learn that

[@Watslol]

@@augustinasvilkas ok

[@charbach7491]

Schlatt, I just heard about your fingers and I'm completely floored with sympathy for you. I can't even imagine how much pain you must be in right now. Please know that I'm here for you in any way you need, whether it's just someone to talk to or helping out with anything at all. Take care of yourself and hang in there - sending all the positive vibes your way.

[@silverclould]

The perfect podcast to listen to while I avoid taking my medication

[@mop3625]

Rip Charlie, you will live forever in our hearts

[@FizzyIzzy33]

My favorite dads at a bbq are back at it with the mediocre conversation!

[@DoughnutDragon]

48:11 Mans in the perfect positon for a hilarious long con prank. Just start chowing down on seafood at some point. Don't answer any questions until people start freaking out and then come clean, tell the full story and have a good laugh with everyone.

[@HydroniteTB]

I can’t believe Schlatt is still bludgeoned, now he knows what the people in ‘99 felt

[@satanm8c40]

I would pay for Schlatt to take a genuine IQ test

[@Cyb3r_L0v31]

I must confess I’m stuck in a thunderstorm but I can’t stop the chuckle sandwich grind 🔥🔥

[@doctordoofbrah]

My power has been out for 14 hours and its only just now been restored and coincidentally you posted at the same time, thank you for your help

[@jayjop5704]

They all really chuckled this time

[@ArchBread1]

Tucker really makes the podcast feel complete! Love having him join the discussion 😄

[@buttersticks7877]

this is the best podcast to watch the twitch channel @tuckerkeane to

[@dylanmirabella443]

I do maintenance inside of a carousel early in the mornings and I listen to you guys every morning, keep up the awesome work.

[@peterpeter2785]

This podcast always gives me a good schluckle

[@peterpeter2785]

Intro ends at 1:50

[@JoeBudderMiner]

55:09 LIFE HACK: If you light matches after you take a crap it won’t smell anymore

[@Lordofhogs]

“Schludgeon” can’t stop hurting himself

[@chimpypimpy8245]

JAMBO IS ALIVEEEEEE🎉

[@natekindamaybe]

Every few weeks, Ted gets a glimpse into how the world around him interacts with him and why

[@Apt46]

bring back the episode number

[@BlindVortex]

As a high schooler back in 2017, I worked as a cashier at CVS for 3 months. Dropped acid with friends the night before an 8hr shift on a Saturday... quickly came to the same conclusion. Told em I quit that Sunday lmao

[@SinisterGoop]

Jambo appears at 0:41

[@KewlKelton]

Stolen literally verbatim

[@SinisterGoop]

My fault I didn’t see your comment I just got excited to see Jambo

[@nrbmemes2414]

12:26 was such a profound conversation that i wholeheartedly agree with

[@Raxxxxxxx-f5c]

Schlatt’s beard must be a theory on it’s on

[@emchild93]

I love when jambo comes into frame! It's the best!

[@otisagnew]

Tucker is a comedic genius

[@kiranorazinnecker]

Schlatt talking about women constantly changing clothes made me laugh.

[@breadman719]

i miss Charlie

[@sewerratatoullie]

Just came back from a Tucker stream, the more Tucker content the better

[@bigmegatoast6578]

I just want to have a conversation with Ted I feel like he is so disassociated with real people. He has been in California so long. I miss Charlie

[@filldumbpea]

every episode tucker becomes more of a member of the podcast instead of just the background boy

[@TGKK_YT]

Jambo makes a return

[@user-by1jb4cp1h]

ted at 52:30 and then tucker and schlatts reaction afterwards was like watching the debate when biden was stuttering and trump said he didn’t understand a word

[@AlexandraFarrow]

I no longer need therapy my chuckle sandwich got uploaded

[@Jemz7117]

Loved watching the thumbnail change from Ted to schlatt

[@Bite-sizedStranger]

yea...