The Love Expert: Why Women Are Addicted To Toxic Men,"Have A Boring Relationship Instead!" Logan Ury

[@TheDiaryOfACEO]

If you enjoyed this conversation could you do us a favour and HIT that like button on the video! Helps us a lot ❤ share your favourite part of the convo below 👇🏾

[@sreedevi3652]

Life❤

[@rekhayads1772]

been siNgle far too long! dating apps are fake need to settle down NOW

[@rachelsavard851]

@@janinagoll or google an expert or therapist on topic. I dont think one would appreacite the way this guests addresses these issues at all!

[@resonatingspirit]

Be great to have someone on … say a clinical psychologist who has practiced… talk about attachment theory. For them to include all of the types and how they interact and why.

[@adrianabora]

@@janinagolllll

[@danajones5143]

In 2000 I met a man who had a Velcro wallet. I gifted him a new Italian leather wallet. It was obvious he put other people ahead of himself and that’s why he had the Velcro wallet. (Dad of four kids.) 18 years later, for Christmas, I bought him a replacement Italian leather wallet. The first one was beginning to fall apart. He was the love of my life. He passed away in 2023.

[@ronniewiseman7651]

Beautiful story

[@4120306]

Who knew a story about a Velcro wallet could be so touching. Thanks for sharing and I'm sorry to hear about his passing. I hope you're doing OK.

[@dogma5801]

I;m sorry

[@lyndseygolden7546]

❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@NatalieBrown-z7e]

Your testimony of love is heartfelt. Thank God you obviously possess high emotional intelligence that helped you look beyond the infamous “velcro wallet” and recognized that your partner was a ram in the bush!

[@ozyman]

As lonely as the world is seemingly becoming, it's nice to know someone is out there advocating quality relationships.

[@lindsay1375]

Agreed

[@XeLYoutube]

and respecfull ones too, where woman body isnt auto or and objectified, and where men wallet is not anthropomorphised and his body objectified as workforce and security guard

[@CosmosChill7649]

End game is to make the woman wealthy through divorce ( 100% guaranteed in wealthy societies ) and alimony. Thats the end game

[@artorhen]

@XeL__ that is and should be the standard. The fact that especially online, most people push towards encouraging these toxic views instead of making positive content is already damaging enough for people who might not even lean towards these views in the first place, but are still impressionable or have been through something that left them with insecurities that these content creators can prey on for views.

[@LAinLA86]

A lot of these problems are due to how women date and behave. Women are largely driving this dysfunction

[@Edrianium]

Qualities to look for in a partner 1:28:20: Kindness and loyalty Emotional stability Ability to make hard life decisions together Ability to fight well (can we fight in a way that were teammates?) What side of me you bring out

[@celinenaville]

​@@unexplorednetworkthat is totally untrue that you are forever broken and irredeemable if you didn't have a wonderful family unit. 😅

[@pippadawg7037]

@@celinenaville I agree. We are all hurt and broken, but we all need love and can find love. Her approach has helped many people. Even people who have been "raise right" struggle finding the right person and they get divorced too. People from dysfunctional families make connections and find love too and not end up divorced.

[@TheRealJonster]

And women don't want any of this. It makes you a nice guy.

[@rafaelbogdan9307]

That's, what, 26 people? In the world? Bonne chance!

[@deyahdn3]

Step one: Be tall, muscular and wealthy. Step two:

[@SRMal8723]

Ngl, never had a velcro wallet but now i want to get one. Seems like a good way to deter immature and superficial people.

[@Grace-ms7un]

Same. But i dont know why i even need a wallet. I just keep my cards in a hair tie

[@neonMETEOR]

Finally having a secure partner has been… life changing for me. Especially as a very emotional person. I’ve never been so calm in my life

[@neonMETEOR]

@michaelhowington4205 I’m not lol?

[@themuse11]

@michaelhowington4205 why do you think being an emotional person means insecurity? I kind of see it the other way around, tbh.

[@AndyLux123]

@michaelhowington4205agree with you. Very emotional means disregulation.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

congrats! You deserve this! ❤

[@parslakalane]

​@michaelhowington4205true. sounds like me... wondering how to become "regulated"?.....

[@MagicPrincessGigi]

The beauty of the attachment theory is that secure attachment makes insecure, avoidant and anxious secure, they lift them up. Go for a partner with healthy and secure attachment style. Avoid the butterflies in the stomach, the mixed messages, the breadcrumbing, and the constant guessing about what they really mean. If it feels calm, safe, and like home (even a little boring) go for it!

[@zekaay]

Yes yes yes! 100% when I realized the same, I started looking at men in a completely different way. I mostly started finding these types you list funny and child like, and not long after, I met the other type you describe, and we have been together for 5 years now. 😊

[@duku9919]

Isn't anxious attachment a time of insecure attachment?

[@nataliealice05]

Why go for it? Calm safe and like home I have being single. Not boring btw, why would I want to be with someone boring? 😂

[@lauraashley1]

​@@duku9919yeah. Anxious/insecure.

[@-Skratch-]

@@nataliealice05 Probably because you're insecure... you probably feel that boring means that things are bad and going down hill when it isn't the case. Then your mind starts to think things that negatively effect the relationship, you push away, and end up single. Many women are like this, they see men as their entertainers rather than their partner/boyfriend/husband. I'm not saying this is you, but based off your comment, it seems to fit. If I'm wrong, then so be it, there are always exceptions.

[@wge621]

just wanted to mention that there is one other attachment style which she didn't mention, it's 'fearful avoidant' or 'disorganized' attachment. it's when you are both anxious and distant, and you might flip flop often. it often occurs because your caretaker was inconsistent, perhaps they were nice to you sometimes but also very critical. it also often occurs when you were parentified (had to raise yourself, other kids, or even your parents) and often when you've experienced childhood trauma. it can have similarities to borderline personality disorder (although it's not the same thing) because of the rapid flipping. attachment theory is so fascinating and I'm glad it's finally getting more broad recognition

[@resonatingspirit]

Good call ! Thank you very well explained 🙏 also that can also be changed with secure attachment but it is one of the most difficult. I have had this attachment style and am recovering ❤

[@wge621]

​@@resonatingspirit yes, I have it as well and feel like im in a great place with healing, although I know it will take years to fully rewire my brain and make healthy reactions automatic instead of effortful. although it's probably the most challenging, I feel like people who are FA are keenly aware that there's a problem (much less so with dismissive avoidants for example), so they tend to put a lot of effort into healing once it's identified.

[@blaqbutterfly90]

Thank you for pointing this out. Recently discovered that I'm a FA, and it has literally been the most challenging yet liberating times of my life. I finally know how to identify and comprehend what's wrong with me, what aspects of myself I need to fix/heal and how to do it. All thanks to Thais Gibson of the Personal Development School. ❤️

[@sophierosebisou8420]

There’s also Ambivalent ...don’t care about attachments!

[@wge621]

@@sophierosebisou8420 I've never heard about that. I just looked it up and I only see ambivalent attachment as another word for anxious preoccupied rather than a separate style. not caring about attachments is not an attachment style I don't think

[@montserrat919]

I’m still not convinced about dating apps, I just don’t like them, but the information provided in this episode is priceless for relationships in or outside apps.

[@Realogn]

They were good when they first came out back around 2015 idk what happened to them but it is not the same anymore

[@bookwarmtee7750]

Apps are horrible. I just canceled hinge today, actually. People on there just want a good time, not commitment. You are not loosing out.

[@extended_e]

I can't recommend apps to anyone, men get 0 matches or 1-2 per month, and other gender 100 in first 10 seconds. Do no wonder it destroys dating dynamics. Test if you don't believe, i am not lying.

[@Iamtrinajae]

In my opinion Dating is harder when you have emotional intelligence bc most people lack it. A lot of unhealed people in the dating pool who actually don’t know how to function in a relationship and don’t know what they want

[@nickem6556]

also traumatised women unconsciously trying to find a bf who will beat and treat like shit them, because father did that to them and then complain, big problem in my country

[@Iamtrinajae]

@@nickem6556 lol. I don’t know of any woman who wants to be beaten by a man… that’s wild. I’m sure that’s just your perception bc you’ve seen women accept bad behavior However , BOTH men and women often times get addicted to toxicity bc that’s all they’ve seen and experienced so it’s normal in their reality. Also, society makes it seem normal to fight for love and struggle love. So, people often times feels like that’s what love looks like when you stay and go through a rollercoaster of an experience.

[@xazarl3381]

Anyone who says they have emotional intelligence always never has it its like a guy saying i have high IQ these people are always rude/morons.

[@sh0werp0wer]

@@Iamtrinajae Dude's from Russia, what he's saying isn't even an exaggeration. I once dated a woman from Russia, and her entire family had been beaten by their husbands, she told me it was seen as a sign of love. A research paper titled "If He Beats You, It Means He Loves You" : Domestic Violence and Women's Rights in Russia" found that 70% of women in Russia had experienced domestic violence. Worth pointing out that beating your wife is legal in Russia.

[@Iamtrinajae]

@@sh0werp0wer For the majority of women this tactic isn’t what women want or for any woman regardless even if it’s generational or legal. . As most people who are abused and stay they are brainwashed and highly insecure or so even someone use to toxicity that it’s considered normal for them and they’ve accepted that’s their reality…. Nobody wants to be abused…. I’ve never once heard anyone verbally say they liked it even the woman who have stayed in those relationships. However, if that’s what you’ve been brought up seeing and use to then one becomes immune to it in a sense. To the point even when you get out of that environment and haven’t healed mentally you’re going to look for that same behavior from other people, but it could come in other forms of abuse that they accept he might not hit her but he’s verbally abusive. …. Deep in a person soul who gets abused they know it’s not right rather legal or not… but I do agree people do become addicted to toxic behavior which can become a cycle in all relationships until they heal the parts of them to not accept it or act in that way.

[@SongsoftheEons]

What I love about Logan is how she insists that we have some agency in the people and traits that we are attracted to. This has been something I've insisted on for a long time, but no one ever believes me. When I met my wife, I knew what was right for me, and even though she didn't tick all of the boxes of thoughtless attraction, I said "This is very obviously the person I need to be with." So on my own I used a lot of the mechanisms that Logan has talked about: emphasizing the things in my mind that I did find attractive and overlooking and downplaying the things I didn't innately feel attracted to. It sounds "unromantic" to put it this way, but in time I trained my brain in such a way that I became very specifically passionate and connected to her psychologically and physically. 25 years later we're still passionately in love and have a great sex life. It's great to hear someone else advocating this kind of message.

[@vidard9863]

Wait. That sounded crazy to MEN in your life?

[@AA-iy4gm]

Such an interesting comment, if you have the time and are willing can you please share more about that, some example or what were some tough moments or obstacles in the process for you, thank you.

[@xyznightwing]

Yeah, the same with me. I'm about to get married and I've never been in love. As part of my culture, we don't actually date, we just get to know the person first and if we like each other, we get married. My fiance and I have a lot in common and we have a similar upbringing with similar values and life goals and he is cute.

[@updogysl]

stand on business

[@Arlenedesigner]

Well perhaps you still together because you guys didn't marry for love but for a mission which would last a long time spark goes away but vision on a mission endures

[@saras3587]

I am finally happily married. We never had sparks. Now i have tiny internal sparks on a regular basis. Overwhelming joy from the trust and love and life we have built.

[@BenjaminCronce]

I never felt sparks either. I'm a very reason based person, emotions don't play much into my priorities. I found a good natured trustworthy person that I could stand to be around. Seemed like a good idea to get married. I'm in it for the long haul. People change. I figured that if I found a good person that I could grow with, everything else will fall into place. And that's exactly how it worked for me. I learned early in life that people who fell in love, also eventually fell out of love. If out of love is the normal state, I might as well not worry about it. Make it work without love because that's what you're going to have to do anyway.

[@katerinagj]

​@@BenjaminCroncealso, love is not what we see in the movies. You staying committed to a person and supporting them in their growth sounds more like love to me than all those movies filled with drama and romance. I love my family but yeah, we are not in a romance Hollywood movie 😊

[@Dancing_Alone_wRentals]

Very cool. Happy for you both!

[@sayusayme7729]

Beautiful

[@Jay-ef2ii]

​@@BenjaminCronce Many people in the states don't have good chemistry. This Saras3587 most likely married for Beta Buxx. Chemistry---eternal attraction is needed if one needs to marry the one.

[@Bigladderphotographer]

having the same sense of humor and laughing alot.....is literally all you need. its vital.

[@blueseptember2174]

That and fidelity

[@Bigladderphotographer]

@@blueseptember2174 that’s a given.

[@costo34ify]

Mmmkay

[@magdalenehagey4079]

I was absolutely an anxious attached partner, and was definitely a part of that anxious/avoidant cycle with partners. My husband is absolutely rock solid, he is a fantastically securely attached partner, and he's changed my approach to relationships as a whole. It makes so much of a difference to be with someone secure. I don't see it as boring, it's safe, and safety should never be boring in a relationship.

[@firstnamerequiredlastnameo3473]

"Boring" is a misinterpretation of tranquility, calmness, contentment. My lovely wife and I have been happily and playfully married (1st time everything for each of us) for more decades than most people have been living. Married in our early 20s. Had all of our children before our 30s. We still visit during meals, flirt at home, and hold hands in public. We followed God's master plan for us as best we could. Problems in our life, yes, with solutions following right behind. Life can be good if a person gets rid of a lot of ego and works on self improvement.

[@iwishyouknewpodcast]

Where did you first learn about attachment, and how has working on it helped your relatioship with eachother? Do you work together on shared goals for the relationship?

[@magdalenehagey4079]

@iwishyouknewpodcast I can't exactly remember when I learned about attachment styles, I feel I've picked up bits and pieces over the last few years from different sources. I like to learn about mental health and healthy patterns of functioning, so when I started hearing about attachment theory, I understood that I was an anxious partner (and also connected that anxiety to trauma from my choldhood). But I also realized that having avoidant partners exacerbated my anxiety exponentially. I didn't intentionally seek a secure partner, I lucked out with my husband, and I still functioned with anxious attachment at the beginning. He just kept being consistent, and gently pointed out how my behavior was harming the relationship, so over time I stopped feelings anxious and recognized that I could trust him. We keep pretty open communication with each other, one thing I've realized is that I don't need to invent things I think my husband is thinking, if he has a problem, he would let me know. He teases me and says I hurt my own feelings sometimes, which I totally do, lol. He doesn't always talk as much as I would like, but he is always good at communicating his feelings, and he is good at listening to me communicate mine. I don't think we've ever had a fight. Disagreements, sure, but we always resolve them peacefully and in a way that doesn't injure the other person. It's not perfect, but I think we function well.

[@modernman1240]

You will Cheat on him with a TOX1C Ex. 😂

[@magdalenehagey4079]

@modernman1240 never have, never will, lmao. Even for guys that weren't the best to be in relationship with, I never remotely considered cheating on them. And my husband is a far better man than any of my exes. Just because someone struggled with secure attachment in the past doesn't mean they're going to be a cheater 😂

[@lolapola911]

I LOVE how Steven sends every guest out on a high. He truly and genuinely compliments them and makes them feel so good before they leave. Wouldn’t it be amazing if it felt like this every time you left someone’s company.

[@pameladigaetano8119]

What a great goal to set!

[@nauxsi]

Thanks chatgpt

[@zillimunt2015]

@vgolovu987 perfect. I want ai to help in medicine. Why should ai help thick people with stupid emotions? Emotional intelligence? I wonder what that even means.

[@originalblackman4159]

​@@zillimunt2015Checkout Alphafold 3.

[@NotReallyAEvilMorty]

The main point here is to reframe love from purely attraction to something more sustainable like your values. So a partner should have the combination of attraction and good values.(not easy we know)Attraction fades and becomes comfort at some point, which is not all that bad. Framing comfort and stability as boring, is the recipe to end up single and miserable.

[@TheNebulon]

Point to the nearest woman that understands values

[@itscrisssybaby]

​@@TheNebulonI understand values. But I've also been married 11 years 😂

[@alisonmercer5946]

​@@TheNebulonpoint to the nearest man who shows in one comment that women should stay away from him and it's u! 😂

[@polkadolt]

He may well be a decent man with loads to offer but just just been burnt. I can relate!

[@8888cjstarwoman]

i noticed through astrology how many of my women friends had venus in my sign . values. My first woman friend in school, my mom, my yoga teacher - not necessarily easy - and maybe not mainsream.

[@ninoellison7793]

She’s so wonderfully humble, knowledgeable and so articulate. Throughly enjoyed this brilliant episode!

[@Astillion]

I was a hesitant dater. I thought I wasn't good enough. I was poor, unemployed and overweight. I still tried on a few occassions, with no luck. I got no dates. So my thoughts about not being good enough was reinforced. I gave up on dating and started focusing on improving myself again. I got a job, got quite wealthy, lost all the excess weight and got in good shape. Then I felt ready to start dating again, and had much better success. Women were a lot more open to giving me a chance when I was, by all metrics, more attractive. The vast majority of dates I've been on was between the ages of 35 and 38. I'm in a relationship now for a bit over a year, and we didn't immediately click. We were on a date, and became friends. We fell in love 18 months after we met. I'm so glad we gave our love the time to grow.

[@thehorsebackheroine5950]

What a beautiful thing to say ❤

[@tyleramell3371]

All I got out of this was get rich then find girl

[@SWOTHDRA]

​@@tyleramell3371💯💯 and she still doesnt like him, just aftwr she saw how much money he really makes , she went for it 🤡🥴

[@surferdude4487]

Absolutely! When I exited my first marriage, I didn't even think about dateing. I worked on my issues. It took about a year and a half of Olympic level of training on physical, emotional and spiritual issues, but the moment I was ready, my absolute dream girl walked into my life. We've been together ever since. Edit: PS, I don't blame my first wife for wanting me gone. But when she refused to even talk to the improved person that I became, that's on her.

[@Astillion]

@@tyleramell3371 Money helps with the confidence, but my girlfriend isn't with me because of my money. I don't spoil her. But I do give her a lot of my time. We live a very frugal life.

[@AlexAndersxn]

I won't lie, I wasn't convinced at face value. But this turned out to be so incredibly relatable and interesting, thank you Steven.

[@TheMarmara2023]

Was hoping she would give a bit more insight into how hinge works. This was quite a basic discussion with pretty observations like “include a picture of your face on the first photo” Everyone is on this app and it’s basically the dating world now

[@lasteniadardano4311]

​@@TheMarmara2023It's not a Hinge ad. It's psychology and how to find the correct personality type for you. Follow the directions and do the work on yourself, and you won't need Hinge.

[@Rick_Cleland]

*_Tinder_* is The Devil! *THE DEVIL!!*

[@TheMarmara2023]

@@lasteniadardano4311 we still on for this Saturday? Don’t worry about the butt plug this time

[@LittleMissDeeDee]

Once I accepted that long term relationships for the most part are boring and it’s important to find fulfilment within first and foremost, relationships became more satisfying. Before this revelation, I saw relationships as a source of my entertainment and if I didn’t feel entertained, I’d bow out which isn’t fair and incredibly self centred. I am now engaged to a strong man - mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically, who gives me space to be my authentic self. I’m very grateful.

[@Ikaros23]

Real love is emotional, but calm. The need for constant exitement is a red flag of imatureity. At worst of mental dissorders like narcissism, codependency. Sounds like you matured 👏👏👍

[@spilledit]

Yeah right. Women want to go and sleep around with lots of men before finding a husband. Facts. You're all lying

[@C1oudS-Gaming777]

I commend your honesty and thank you for your bravery in sharing your experiences truthfully.

[@matheus-sm7860]

It stlll unfair that a man picked up a used up and damaged woman later on. There was a reason why fathers need to approve a man to be the partner of their daugthers, its because theyre bound to chose shitty partners because not even women know themselves well. At least its a support network to try to filter what really matters.

[@lemsip207]

​@Ikaros23 Excitement becomes boring after a while. It's why I needed a month to recover after every music festival I went to before I went to another. There is a saying that when life is one long party, it ceases to be a party. I just want freedom from strife. Excitement and joy is a bonus.

[@Chrissy666c]

The fact that nobody talks about forbidden books on Revandles is so insanee

[@jamieriedel97]

What?

[@CharlieTheGreatest]

This website was a great find! I purchased a book that’s already making a positive impact on my mindset. Fingers crossed it helps me overcome my fear of approaching women.

[@KibetBr]

Don't have that kind of money. Mind sending the soft copy​@@CharlieTheGreatest

[@twicesaurous-9310]

These two comments feel so fake..

[@LostSoulAscension]

You really gotta give her credit for being so open and got personal in this interview when she really didn't need to, but it makes it that much more real.

[@LostSoulAscension]

And the interviewer too.

[@sally.g.]

The problem with dating apps is that we get to judge people based on the things we can measure: height, job occupation, photos, etc. The important things that make someone a great partner (for example: loyalty, the way one communicates, emotional attraction, etc.) are almost impossible to put on a dating profile. But at the same time, we want some sort of criteria to filter people, it's just that we are forced to be super superficial.

[@Nico-jt4jd]

🎯

[@a.h.2667]

Those apps were designed to keep people on there as long as possible. If most people find a good relationship they are out of business.

[@emem2863]

Also, attraction is 3D. Sometimes, a person one would find attractive in person would not be one of the people they'd find attractive online.

[@Starfish2145]

You have to have a basic physical attraction for somebody. You can get the basics from a dating app, but you have to meet them to feel any chemistry or see what they actually look like in person.

[@johnlong9786]

It sounds like job interviews too.

[@saharaalberto4057]

The post-date 8 questions to ask yourself: 1. What side of me did they bring out? 2. How did my body feel during the date? Stiff, relaxed, or somewhere in between? 3. Do I feel more energized or de-energized than I did before the date? 4. Is there something about them that I'm curious about? 5. Did they make me laugh? 6. Did I feel heard? 7. Did I feel attractive in their presence? 8. Did I feel captivated, bored, or something in between?

[@XeLYoutube]

but what if a gold digger master those 8 trait and narcisism it out on first dates till marriage divorce false acusation alimoney? im surprised there is not a single appart about wealth (but at least about look atractivness and laugh ect..) 1:26:00 money tho at least hmm

[@peacelove7437]

For me its usual yes better Im confident. Most people have a sense of humor. So what now????

[@peacelove7437]

For me its usual yes with all the questions better Im confident. Most people have a sense of humor. So what now????

[@silverlinings3946]

I'd prefer my partner to make me think than laugh. Also, if anything, I'd prefer them to make me smile, not by trying to do something but by being. I find my own sources of hilarity, I don't need a partner to make me laugh. I'd prefer to laugh together, at similar things, rather than him being in charge of my laughter.

[@projectkj7643]

@@peacelove7437keep trying. It’ll eventually make sense.

[@rubabsyed2291]

Can’t express how much these podcasts have helped me, not just in learning new things, but in understanding more deeply. Just thank you so much.

[@JosannaMonik]

I would love a "boring" peaceful relationship. Don't need no more drama.

[@trapenoone6904]

This is what modern women don't understand. Men just want peace, peace means no drama. But they ointerpret it as "booring" since they already get used to spice things up a bit.

[@red_pred]

No more meaning she had enough for 2 lifetimes, used up damaged goods are not good for second hands, more tenth hands 😊

[@big123lak]

I very rarely see people happy after 10-20 years together I’ve actually never seen it they look happy till u have a deeper conversation and see how they act on the low

[@samtux762]

You've jumped from bed to bed with agressive sociopaths. 95% of women spead legs for free to 5% of agressive sociopaths, the other 95 % of men have to deal with domestic prostitutes (rare and poor sex in exchange for men spending lots of money on a women). Ten year and 50 d1cks later sociopaths start to ignore you (there is now fresher meat on our wild sexual market). And now you start looking for a loser that picks you up, wash off semen of your previous men and sponsor you. BTW, once you find more resourcefull provider you immidiatly divourse rape your current loser and move on with your life. Sorry, I am not interested to pick up used goods like that. Especially knowing, that previous men didn't spent a cent on new gods and I am expected to spend a large part of my income on second hand goods. Also, I have no idea if you had/have STDs. Your choice of s3xual partners was terrible and I am not interested to fix a life of a woman that would definetly reject me 10 years ago because I am not an agressive sociopath. How do I know that I accurately described your life? Well, you said "Now I want peacefull life". Clearly, before you didn't want peaceful life.

[@samtux762]

You can have a peaceful good relationship 10-20 years into relationship. But you have to work to keep women on her toes. (1) No marriage, no shared property/resources. (2) You know that you can leave her any moment and act accordingly. Fun fact. If a woman acts as if she is ready to leave you, this is very annoying to a man and he will likely dump her (no point to stay in a relationship with a woman that is ready to dump you). This is opposite for women. They interpret it like: "he is a high valued man if he is ready to leave me. And I love high valued men". Women are crazy and irrational creatures. This relationship is not perfect, but this is the best you can do in modern society.

[@fahlmancomputing8628]

For me personally, the real game changer in working through anxious attachment was not to replace confirming evidence with disconfirming evidence, as that is just another made up story in my head, and instead practiced listing just the facts of "what events actually happened". Removing the judgement, emotion, and all the mental gymnastics that I had created in my head and looking at only the factual evidence helped me to break from the habit of making up stories in my mind and then treating them as if they were an objective reality.

[@TheMsSepi]

wow... That was very nicely stated.

[@heloisaduarte4745]

I quit dating because I always felt like I was a "boring" person: no drama, no games, I could be your friend if we "don't have chemistry"... Thanks to this interview now I see that I am in fact a secured "boring" attached person. I would love to be with someone and share things and moments but I also love my freedom and independence. I'm ok being alone until I find the "right person". My Christmas present to myself will be her book 😊❤ and also joining Hinge...

[@relint12]

I had a relationship that ended with her telling me I was too boring for her and needed to be with someone else boring. Turned out it was actually great advice and I couldn’t be more happy with my boring wife and family. The thing is even as no drama and grounded as my wife is I’m still never bored. We go to amazing places and the kids themselves are a natural source of excitement just being kids and us trying to teach them how to order the chaos of life.

[@blaskbulwark2881]

Other boring people would add more comments to support what you're saying, but it's more efficient and elegant to delete what they wrote and scroll onward.

[@sweetcaroline8950]

In all honesty if you like yourself don’t go on hinge lol

[@jabbaweezy]

As a person of the same archetype, I've always found that others that are like me seek out out their complete opposite (in a "opposites attract" kinda way), whereas me on the other hand is looking for someone similar to myself.

[@skorpion7132]

Not sure if hinge would be the best possible present but hey, you do you. maybe you find that boring person you want. I think that I'm going to indulge in my gaming hobby that will be found boring and nerdy to most women. I foresee good times on the horizon with the extra time I'll finally have to waste on something I like XD.

[@shweshwe_k8177]

43:42 When she said you cannot hustle your way into a relationship. I remember crying to my friends asking why dont my relationships work that is the only area in my life that doesnt seem to go my way. I got into the course I wanted, the job I wanted, car, owning my 1st home. Why are boys so hard.. This is a true therapy session, thank you

[@MonkWay_]

Attractive guys are just as terrible as attractive girls, generally. Another thing is, if he was good enough to pull you, he is good enough to pull any other girl he wants (generally) The major problem here is, women don't approach! And guess what.. Who approaches women? Players..(mostly) He has already approached many girls before and after you, it's even like a drug, every yes from a girl is gonna make him feel like he has won something/achievement mechanism. The only hack is YOU ask out the guy you find attractive, who's likely NOT a player. He'll treat you like a queen. Because you are a rarity for HIM.

[@channel1_channel]

"Why are boys so hard.." - Look at the dating dating app data. The data reveals the truth. Basic hypergamy plays a part. Many women going for the same small percentage of "hot guys" (who don't need to care for those women). It is natural. Many women are attracted to men who are either in relationships already, or don't really even care to communicate with them. I've watched very average looking women swiping through guys on dating apps like they are throw away items. As a guy, it is surreal to watch.

[@MonkWay_]

@@channel1_channel maybe it's natural selection and will work in men's favor, who knows 😅

[@manersbams9215]

@channel1_channel I used to give general advice of what would work to get a guy before I knew that the guys women are talking about are Chads who have options in the dozens. Quite frankly, you going after Chad and expecting anything more out of them when they don’t want to settle is ridiculous. It’s like me wanting a 10/10 women and expecting her not to do whatever she wants in her early twenties. Regardless I don’t trust comments like these anymore. Good luck.

[@KennethFabritius]

@@MonkWay_ No, it's by definition: sexual selection.

[@CYBER_FunkER]

I've been telling my female friends for years they need to get over "the spark", very glad to see a woman say it too.

[@Portia620]

Spark can mean sick person too!!! Walk carefully.

[@ihouseu3340]

Preach, because not enough is said or mentioned about dropping the superficial or shallow value of "spark"

[@linapesz313]

Sometime women use the spark as an excuse to op out ...when you do not like the guy...and when do not find the guy attractive...

[@Vivi_9]

@hayleyandkilo yes having people lift heavy things for you = strong friendships

[@23ofSeptember]

These days, women will say "I didn't feel we clicked" after a date.

[@rhiannonscott9641]

I Read How Not to Die Alone in 2021, everything clicked! My behaviour and traits that kept me forever single finally made so much sense. I had always been single in my 20s and barely went on dates. I had it all wrong the entire time and I would run away whenever a guy was genuinely interested in me, yet I was always chasing the toxic blokes... A couple of months later I met my partner, been together for over 2 years ❤

[@clairenicholls8024]

Are you serious? I need to get that book ASAP

[@lushhbomb]

really???

[@jsarratt1]

@@clairenicholls8024 Knowledge (applied) is power! 👍❤

[@cassylouise6675]

I literally just commented saying I originally heard about Logan on a different podcast, implemented her advice and now in a happy secure relationship for nearly two years!

[@clairenicholls8024]

@@cassylouise6675 what’s the podcast ?

[@mathewbacsik8681]

You know I clicked on this by accident and just kept listening, right to the end. This was so interesting as someone who was single and dating for so long, before finding my spouse. It really made me think about my younger self. I wish I’d found Logan 20 years ago 😂 My takeaway though as a married person is to really think about what side of me comes out most in our relationship and who I am in our relationship. Fantastic interview thank you 🙏

[@moniquedubos6612]

Same here. I was not looking for relationship advice, I was looking for how to trim my own hair!

[@bradfordwilliams9760]

I am intrigued by this discussion interview. Especially the attachment theory she discussed. I think it’s a useful place to start for introspection, and to understand the dynamics of a potential partner, with whom you have interest. I’m a boomer and happily married, so the dating dynamics were different for me when I was in my 20s. However, one thing I think remains true today. It could be a disaster for a man to try to be emotional and open at the outset. At least, initially expressing your vulnerabilities, and sensitivities is a turn off for most women. I am a professional, and for most of my female colleagues this is especially true. Later on when the relationship is solid, both partners feel safe, AND the woman has decided to be with you, then one can begin to express vulnerabilities. BUT if you spill your guts too early, you’ll find yourself in the friend zone for eternity. She’ll be sleeping with the bad boy and calling you up, crying and complaining about his emotional unavailability and expecting you to be her understanding BFF.

[@Becky_Cal]

The idea 1:27:36 of compliments is soooo important! For a long time I lived by the motto “birds of a feather flock together.” And while it is important for couples to share core values, I do think complementary personalities are incredibly important. I met a man, blue collar, caring, kind, person of faith, quiet/introverted, and softer in how he communicates. I’m a woman who worked at high levels in corporate America, was very ambitious in my 20/30s, type A, worked in Finance for a long time, have travelled the world, am very extroverted, speak directly and sometimes forcefully and am high energy…. He softens me so much. He told me I feel like home and I can say he feels like my soulmate. We have the ability to talk abt stuff that bothers us or issues openly and calmly. I do have to coax him out a little bit bc he’s quiet and likes to keep the peace and I’m aware I have the ability to be domineering…but he is very honest and good at expressing his emotions when the moment calls for it. He’s my love ❤

[@Sure.Not.]

Your best guest yet. Hands down. So many people are ‘alone’ with no clue how to proceed. This guest has the answers for moving towards love.

[@burgerpowder8]

this video has OPENED MY EYES. i realise im very anxious attachment style and i just recently got out of a very toxic co dependant relationship where the cycle felt endless. this episode has given me clear answers and hope for my future. please bring this wonderful woman back!

[@iwishyouknewpodcast]

What got you into attachment styles? How has learning about attachment impacted you when thinking about being prepared for future relationships? We love talking attachment, thats why I ask!

[@dinos9607]

The so-called secure/insecure/avoidant attachment theory is just ludicrous, it is no science. You think your eyes have opened in reality she is completely misleading you. What she calls "avoidant attachment" is just player men who are of substantially higher value than the women they sleep with and who of course do not want to get entangled in a relationship with any of these women. The very same men would get entangled however with a woman that was indeed up to the level they seek themselves. These men are not "avoidant in attachment" it is just that they want only sex in the first place, they don't want all the package. Those she described as secure are just nice guys who do not even dare question the woman in fear of losing her. Transferring babies' reactions to mummy into adulthood is in vogue among psychologists but there is not any scientific evidence to back that up. I had been in relationship-marriage for an overall of 16 years and two kids. I was faithful, I ticked all the boxes as a husband but in the end it took just me losing my job at the same time her career soared for her to want divorce - what a coincidence that my story is exactly the same as for millions of men around the world but anyway, that is for another topic. The fact of the matter is that as per theory she would describe me as "secure-attached" and I ticked all the boxes for that. Now as a divorced man I go on sex-tourism. I.e. I go to exotic places where my money and my race/appearence are very much popular among the local women. And I note the latter because it is not just about the money, I find plenty of women that want to not just hook up with me but marry (not necessarily to come to Europe but rather me staying there with them). And what do I do? I have sex with them and keep them at distance, then either abruptly or gradually ghost them. So what? I became now "avoidant-attached". LOL! Are we serious? Of course not. What I become when I go sex-tourism is the top 1% of the situation, women naturally want me, I just want sex from them and that is all. There is not such thing as "insecure/avoidant/secure" attachment theory, this is all firecrackers and smoke, no real science. What is in there is merely people who are "dating" outside their real level - and this goes for women who date up, and men who mostly date down to have consistent access to sex. And that is something that women cause, not men. Men just want the sex. They will only strive for a woman at their level when it comes to marriage, if they want so. Women just can't understand that and it is them (and the men who are they going to marry eventually) who pay the price at the end.

[@rachelam18]

I think so many people thrive off the drama of dating people that are clearly terrible for them. I’m so glad for my chilled, “boring” relationship.

[@Lupostehgreat]

A lot of media representations of love are filled with conflict, and that raises people to think love is this big, dramatic thing. True Love is not a game where you're wrestling against each other to stay together. True Love is a bond where you picked someone who is not your family to be the most important member of your family. Look for a partner, not a bird you caught/lured.

[@kitamiwoome9349]

Don't say people. It is women that do this.

[@Mike12356]

​@@kitamiwoome9349Yh, but like men cheat and ghost women too, so even though a big part of the problem is "modern women" some men out there are equally horrible. It goes both ways

[@kitamiwoome9349]

@@Mike12356 I am commenting on the above comment. You are talking about something else.

[@ThatGuySurveyor]

All of your interviews with these relationship specialists and philosophers has really helped me become a healthier person. Thank you for having these great people on your podcast to share with the world!

[@curiousgirl.4134]

I’ve avoided relationships for half my life and the other half I dated the unavailable person. Truly enlightening, thank you 🙏

[@91toinfinity]

Same, but there's hope. We just gotta keep trying. Once you're aware of patterns, it's easy to choose better partners.

[@shivanisarahfox5499]

Me three! Avoided relationships or chosen players cos I know they won't commit. Wish I'd heard this conversation 20years ago 😮

[@gitgenKE]

Single parent household vibes.

[@lauraashley1]

Often we don't realise that we too are avoidant/emotionally unavailable and attract the same in a partner..

[@khrisi9410]

Avoided relationships. Dated unavailable people. You're the common denominator.

[@skippyrod2532]

Being avoidant is way easier than being anxious. Anxious all you do is think about that other person until it makes you sick

[@catalina1388]

Not really. Being avoidant is really really lonely

[@kagomeotilia]

The avoidant is anxious also... that's why they avoid, to avoid feeling a rejection and being anxious about it...

[@IEdjumacate]

I feel like I used to be anxious until I dated an avoidant girl, now I feel like my behavior is more in line with avoidant because of that experience. My anxious attachment style reprogrammed my brain to be avoidant because I am afraid of being treated that way again. Is this a real thing? It makes the lines a lot blurrier. I’m getting better as time goes on because I like to think I’m pretty self aware.

[@memialin2754]

@@IEdjumacate I feel ya, same here

[@pinkitura]

​@@IEdjumacateexactly this happened to me as well. Although, looking back before having that relationship, i did have traits from avoidant attachment. But after that relationship where i was the ultimate anxious and it broke me so bad, i completely became avoidant. I'm also getting better but if i encounter an anxiously attached person, it triggers me so much and I just run. If I encounter another avoidant, i don't even think twice before leaving that situation.

[@santisanti8386]

Hands down the best ever dating relationship expert I've ever had a chance to listen to. Thank you so much for inviting her. Immensely grateful to you and Logan!

[@nathanfoss2838]

What did you like about her?

[@JonasAnandaKristiansson]

yes@thezoldics7648

[@seanbinkley7363]

I've been married now for five years but watching this podcast brought back so many memories of the days where I was one of these people desperately looking for love while being plagued by insecurity and self-doubt. There's a lot of wisdom in this video for single people who may feel like it'll never work for them.

[@chuachua-hj9zd]

How did you managed to overcome it?

[@KennethFabritius]

No... there isn't.

[@KennethFabritius]

@@chuachua-hj9zd They got lucky. Let me explain reality to you: advice from people like this Logan Ury tart is crap. So is advice from redpillers. The truth is that human reality/civilization goes through cycles of "fairness" and "unfairness"... prosperity abundance and hardship is a more material way of putting it. In times of prosperity people behave more "fairly" and do not prioritize or put a premium on status (especially with regards to mating), this is because there is abundance and plenty of good things to go around. But as a society or population grows in prosperity it becomes decadent and higher status individuals hoard the prosperity, which puts the rest of the population into survival mode and a premium on high status grows which causes individuals in the population to become less "fair" and forgiving and they will only accept "the best" because they don't want to lose or live in squalor. This cycle occurs over and over and over again both within a civilization (over the civilization's lifespan) and on the macro scale of human history where a single civilization embodies the rise and fall "fair" to "unfair" arc. It has been expressed in the adage "hard times create strong men create good times create weak men create hard times". We are currently living in the hard times where more and more people are becoming unfair and put into survival mode (even and especially in dating/romance). It is a sign of a coming collapse. How far and hard the collapse will be is yet to be seen. But in any case, the advice from this Logan woman and counter advice from other gurus like her or gurus that criticize her with conflicting hypothesis and information all are -- THEY ALL ARE -- incorrect because they never take TiME into account. Logan's advice may be true but it is only true at certain times. I doubt we are living in a time where her advice will be ubiquitously or universally true and effective.

[@leonardascorpius5304]

Online dating, by far, has made anxious attachment tendencies in me WAY WORSE than before. Ghosting, breadcrumbing, and all the rest of the crap has induced PTSD like nothing else.

[@pitviper346]

I agree. It’s awful. On the “apps”, Many are already in relationships, just looking to get laid, Will ghost you when you suggest meeting & let’s not forget it’s ALL initially based on a picture, not on how the person really is. It’s constant rejection & disappointment.

[@CageLeone]

It's like being constantly walked thru all 7 steps of an NPD diagnosis within a span of 40 texts. Women come on way too fast. Calling you pet names in 3 conversations. Get you texting based on their texting habits. Then they all the sudden are offended when you send a text on the weekend and your texts are scaring them. And they can't do what it takes for you to be comfortable! What ?

[@weepinginanger]

@@CageLeonei am a woman and i am appalled at this behavior. those woman have trauma they have not healed from. they need to be healed to speak to even a friend bc i am 110% sure they are mentally unstable and draining. i’ve dealt with these woman. it’s utterly exhausting. Also those woman they have rosters, they’re walking red flags who hold down careers and are around children. it’s quite gut wrenching to me. they need to get out of the workforce and heal themselves before continuing their life amongst others.

[@CageLeone]

@@weepinginanger how are there so many? My last girlfriend was 100% NPD . It was horrific. Last I checked, a real man needs to be a little vulnerable at times and that's a two way street or it can't work. Every time I was, she would dig in and break up with me. Every time. I have encountered this same exact behavior with at least 7 women in a row on dating apps. And yes , they have careers and are very well established. The last was a week ago. Very researchable. 50 years old. Well off. Something has changed in women especially in their 40s. I don't know if their divorces, or alcohol, but something is making them almost like online predators. I'm 47, I'm in great shape,better than in my 30s. I took alot of time off after my last, and even went to therapy. I've been trying to get a date , with a woman I find attractive, for over a year. You can't go out and meet anyone now they sit home and don't even have to do their hair because they have a bottle of wine and a menu full of me at their fingertips. I gave up. Yesterday..Took my profiles down.

[@willhowell4638]

ha ha so true

[@brianthesnail3815]

I met my wife and fell in love and knew we would be married at age 19. She definitely had the 'ick' with me though. Had we not been forced to be together at university every day on the same course it would never have happened. In fact, our college tutor was a great matchmaker and many of his students got married - he did his magic on us. Still good 40 years later.

[@LegendNinja41]

great! wish you both well!

[@biscofflover3518]

Thats so cute! 🥰🥰❤️❤️

[@flameshoter6]

Nothing cute about it.

[@IntoTheUnknownnnnnnn]

Why did she have the ick with you?

[@U4ia28]

People have to understand that knowing how to exist peacefully in boredom is quintessential to relationships and survival in general. No matter what anyone will say to the contrary, when put up against the “fun times” the overwhelming majority of existence both in and out of a relationship is BORING/WORK! Also most people are only willing to put in work towards entertaining ourselves. The act of having to entertain another person will eventually become exhausting. So you’ll be forced to decide either to torment yourself continuing to serve as court jester or leave and maintain your own peace. Most people end up choosing their own peace because most people are far too selfish /arrogant to humble themselves to be able to exist in boredom.

[@katherine3107]

Deep thought

[@indridcold8433]

I surrendered all attempts at being social 8 August 2000 at 18:34. I found nothing rewarding about having a girlfriend and friends. I actually lost a lot because of a, "girlfriend," and, "friends." I care to never repeat the experiences I suffered from 30 December 1998 to 8 August 2000 at 18:34. If this means I never get a girlfriend, or friends, again, so be it. I require no human companionship, in the form most of them exist today.

[@truthteller4442]

This is a great comment. I haven’t dated in years but the last girl I date always wanted to “go, go, go.” She was bored-easily type and I guess she thought that I was to be her source of entertainment, like a circus clown. I told her straight out that if you want to be constantly entertained, then hire someone for that. I was working 55 hours a week and losing my mind at work. Then I had to go out and feel like I had to “perform.” It was all stress and zero fun. This is a problem with most of today’s entitled and spoiled girls. They think a man should “entertain” them. You’re an adult. If you’re bored, then find something to make yourself not bored. The vast majority of a relationship is down time and boredom (I suppose). You should feel happy just being in that persons company.

[@coolbreeze5683]

Completely agree! I've been on a spiritual path and have been meditating regularly for about 30 years. I was as happy on my own as I am with my husband. We've been together for about 20 years and he was in grad school when we started dating so very busy with research, etc. We are both introverts, have our own interests but there is some crossover in our hobbies. We have many fun conversations and love being together but understand that alone time is important to both of us. We can both survive just as well apart than together but are eachother's icing on the cake. I understand that this isn't common in relationships since people are still in the mindset of another person "completing" them in some way and even a dangerous element of possession. No one should force a relationship to work unless they can be their genuine self with the other person and 100% comfortable. I've had friends ask what the purpose of a relationship is if you're not joined at the hip with your partner. I look at it as an opportunity for you and your partner to learn from eachother. Other than for those who want children, the other reasons are to be able to have that trust, have a person to debate with and love enough to respect and consider their point of views, being able to witness many parts of life together and discuss it. Love drives you to learn more and grow.

[@Portia620]

@@indridcold8433 some people get burnt bad enough they like peace that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you don’t let anyone make you feel that way!!!!

[@TheTigerwoods1981]

She is absolutely awesome. I love that she is so passionate about what she does that she was actually out of breath on quite a few occasions from over talking

[@melanierichardsyoga]

I love that. Secure love gives you back brain power and peace that can be used to advance other areas of your life. I was anxious/avoidant and if I hadn’t been to therapy, I would’ve completely overlooked my “boring” partner (who’s actually not boring at all). We’ve been together in a secure relationship for 8 years now.

[@pimpinaintdeadho]

I feel bad for him. How high does your body count have to be to go to therapy for your own degenerate behavior. It must eat you up inside that you're treated better than you know you deserve.

[@Bunny11344]

@@pimpinaintdeadhotell us you’re single and bitter without telling us you’re single and bitter

[@pimpinaintdeadho]

@Bunny11344 I know it's the internet and you have no reason to believe me but, I'm dating a 20 year old mixed girl that calls me daddy. The problem with the op statement is that women who ho it up like melrichards100 burn out their endocrine systems and neural pathways by getting smashed and dashed. Then, they get anxiety and depression and can't pair bond so they get a beta provider to take care of them but she doesn't really respect him and actually kinda resents him so if they have a family everyone suffers. Then, the kids grow up maladjusted and usually have fucked up relationships too and the cycle perpetuates.

[@ionamcbrid]

I nearly ran from a man I started dating a month ago. We got on great by phone but in person, I didn’t feel anything, except for an urge to flee. Luckily, I asked myself if maybe that was because I’d shut down and was cold and was being a triggered avoidant. I saw him again, more open this time and had a great time. I don’t know how this will turn out but I nearly rejected someone funny, kind, attentive and clearly ready for commitment because of some old BS patterning. This kind of information is essential. Until recently I had no idea I was doing this, it was always that they weren’t quite right. Thank you Logan 😊 Edit: I am still with this person. I’ve met his family and friends and the connection is deepening. I still wobble sometimes when I get all up in my head but it passes. This is the first really healthy relationship I’ve had. For info, we’re both 53. It’s not easy but it is possible to change your patterns and the kind of person you can attract and stay with.

[@frythechip7930]

Do update us on how it goes! I'm in the same boat

[@lobsterbisque7567]

@ionamcbrid Last yr, I got into a long distance relationship with a lady who(like yourself) also had an avoidant attachment style. I was the secure partner in the relationship. My ex gf even claimed how reliable, attentive, and emotionally stable I was. Almost to the point of being boring & predictable. Since she had been fighting stage 4 lung cancer for 2yrs. prior to meeting her, I took my responsibility as her partner to be her emotional anchor very seriously. I wanted to prove to her that she could count on me, and that I could add to the quality of her life no matter how much time she had left. I knew I could make her life better, and that I was trustworthy. I tried tirelessly to show her that boredom/plateaus was normal in relationships. They come & go. What mattered was the openness of our conversations, and that it took time to build trust & intimacy with each other by other means rather than just having sex. I tried to earn her trust by making myself vulnerable to her first, but the only thing she seemed to equate to intimacy was sex. I thought I made my points clear by the time I first visited her, she still tried to sleep with me🤯🤯🤯 I was still physically intimate with her: making out, and cuddling. Just not sex. I thought would've been enough. But it wasn't enough for her, even though I couldn't keep my hands off of her. She wanted sex. Though I carefully laid out all of my reasons, she still felt a deep sense of rejection when I refused her advances. Even after I explained again in deeper detail my reasons for not sleeping with her for not sleeping with her right away, She still felt rejected. I was very fortunate, Growing up as a child, I witnessed many healthy marriages that had spanned decades. Unfortunately, she did not come to the same realizations that you had just shared with us, and the relationship only lasted 4mos. I also found out that she was sleeping around in between my visits. Turns out, She was sleeping with random guys out of boredom🤯🤯🤯🤯 When I visited her, she was always stressed out constantly trying to plan things to do to keep us both entertained while I was perfectly content with staying in, cooking dinner together, and talking. I wish I had this video to watch with her to help her understand. I won't lie, I made my fair share of mistakes during my time with her. I know I'm FAR from perfect, bu I sincerely cared deeply for her, and wanted to make her final years better. The only thing I wanted from her was companionship, and someone I could trust. But she was more interested in constant excitement & playing emotional games. But it's already over, and after a yr of healing & reflection, I've decided to remain single. I did everything I could for her, and I was never responsible for her happiness. That was her choice. I've given up on trying to find any one to share my life with is too frustrating, and too dangerous. I'd rather be alone than to be labelled a creep.

[@chiluditospro2]

That's so good to hear, people do change! We just have to get out of our comfort zone. Just out of curiosity, how old are you both??

[@firebolt100]

Dang Lobster…. That’s one nasty turn out. I’ve always felt that it was a bad idea to have any long-distance relationship for exactly the results you had. As comfortable as the temporary distance might be, the physical intimacy is an absolute MUST. The temptation is just too much for those who know that they can easily acquire physical stimulation. Also, it shouldn’t come as a shock that someone who’s stable is not in the same headspace as someone with terminal illnesses. Kudos to you for somehow flowing through that scenario, but I hope all people avoid the temptation of having a long distance relationship because it’s tough to see how serious someone actually is about the relationship. 🤷‍♂️

[@lobsterbisque7567]

@@firebolt100 I didn't even know about attachment styles until after I walked away from her. Prior to that relationship, I chose to stay single which lasted 15yrs until my loneliness got the better of me, and a mutual friend of ours introduced us over the phone. We started off as friends, but she was so good at mirroring me that I was fooled. I started to believe that we got along so well there could be a chance at something grater than friendship. My ex had a higher sex drive than I did which also lead to her cheating on me. Don't get me wrong, I do agree with You in regards to physical affection, and I was very affectionate towards my ex when I was around her, but I made a disturbing discovery in the final month of our relationship: she was either a Borderline with a lot of narcissistic traits, or a narcissist. Either way, they do not view sex & intimacy the same way a normie like You or I would. For the narcissist sex is bait on a hook: to keep their supply/fuel reeled in their lives, not to build bonds. My ex wanted to have sex the very day I arrived on my first visit to see her. I may have been excited to meet her, but we had only spoken for 3wks prior to actually meeting. When I refused her advances, she started using shaming language on me immediately!! At the time, I had no idea how delusional & unstable she really was. I accept my share of the blame for allowing things to develop too quickly into a relationship. That was foolish of me. I found it surprising how lonely I had been. And how starved for physical affection I had been. But surprisingly, I was in no hurry to have sex. I could wait to make out & cuddle with her, but sex could wait. I wanted to know her much better first. I'm actually very affectionate, so I heartily agree with You that affection is a key ingredient for a relationship to work. I admit, I made a lot of mistakes in the relationship regarding enforcing my boundries, which only emboldened her to overrun my boundries even more. When I ghosted her last Nov.('22), I was certain she was a narcissist. for the last 2wks of the relationship, everything said said to me was either a demand, shaming, or an insult. Knowing She was a narc, I accepted that She never had any intention of changing, or seeking professional help b/c she never saw nothing wrong with herself, or her behavior. I knew she avoided self reflection. And She flew into a defensive rage at the mere utterance of the word: 'accountability' unless it was in her favor. As I learned more about cluster B personality disorders in the subsequent months, Everything that I had witnessed and heard from her from her in the 4mos. that we were together made so much more sense. Even her end goal for me was nefarious: emotional punching bag, & ATM. Ultimately, if I was going to retain my own identity & emotional well being, cutting her out of my life completely was the only option. I never went very far into attachment styles during my research, but learned enough to figure out that she also had an anxious attachment style, and I had a stable attachment style. Which made her emotional drive made me think that she might have been a borderline for awhile. But further reflection with newly found information about her past proved she was a narc, and there would be absolutely no chance of any healthy relationship with her. What is important is that I found out about her narcissism, and I got away from her before she could establish any trauma bonds, or serious leverage that would force me to stay in her life thus exposing me to further abuse & manipulation. Even a year after ghosting her, I'm finally done healing. I consider myself to be old fashioned: meet someone that is a part of Your everyday life, or already part of a group of people who You see regularly. That is geographically close to you or within driving distance. Never online, or long distance. I haven't been in many relationships, but this is my first and will be my only long distance relationship. esp. since she cheated on me numerous times(object constancy is a common trait in Narcs & Borderlines) Even the same friend who initially introduced us eventually found out my ex was a narc on her own, and also had to cut her out of her own life. And in numerous phone conversations since the break up, has filled in some gaps about the ex I wish I knew about before I started talking to her. But still extremely useful information nonetheless. At the time of introducing us, neither of us had even heard of narcissism, borderline personality disorder, or attachment styles. Lesson learned. TBH, Unless a woman approaches me to show interest, I've accepted that I will remain single for the rest of my life. I can't bring myself to really trust a woman any longer. Esp. after learning about female nature as a whole.

[@halhansen778]

Great points!!! AND: Sharing our anxieties, and our inner “mess” has limits. Be careful, as a guy, I don’t want to hear of every vulnerability, annxiety and every failed relationship that you’ve had. Sharing interesting things about the world, trying to make things fun, trying to look in the same direction rather than just at each other. There are tips and strategies for us to help ourselves and your partner into better more well-adjusted people.

[@MatrixxPhoenixx]

Lol so true 😂

[@blackfish86]

True. Trauma dumping is awful, people need to get to know you and earn your vulnerability a little bit.

[@Gloryguidance]

Agreed

[@rpaafourever7908]

Goes for both men and women. Guys who have been dumped, do it more.

[@lollyevans1221]

Thanks!

[@lizziebooth5397]

I am so shocked. I honestly thought I was anxious but listening to this I'm secure/avoidant and my partner is secure/anxious. He went to ask me for reassurance last week but stopped himself. I just sent him a voice note telling him how much he means to me, even though my brain was screaming at me to add a 'but'. It really helped him feel loved, which he really is xx

[@modernman1240]

Stop it. Yoh Wom3n are (®az¥ af. What's wrong with you?? No Man wants to hear comforting BS from a Wmn. That's what Women want. Men want the Truth n Silence.

[@strangedays871]

The problem with all her advice is it relies on people examining themselves, and what I have found with most people is they have no interest in doing that. They want to go with what FEELS right. They have no interest in understanding why they feel certain ways about certain people. Yeah, a small percentage of people will go inward, but most won't, and MOST people are what you encounter so it becomes like finding a needle in a haystack.

[@PhoenixAurelius-138]

That's not a problem with her advice, though. It's more like that's part of the muck and mire of what dating is these days, but it doesn't stop the truth of everything she's saying. There ARE still needles in the haystack. If it's worth looking, then look. If not, being single isn't bad at all.

[@thatcreativebeauty]

Exactly people are not willing to do the work and that is what makes the situation super sad but her advice was great because I learn so much is such a little bit of mono time

[@eben3357]

Ah, the life unexamined... The safest general characterization of the European philosophical tradition is that it consists of a series of footnotes to Plato. - A.N Whitehead

[@tyleramell3371]

Most women*

[@camionesfernandez3745]

Agree

[@lybawains504]

Hi Steve, I had to watch a few podcasts to finally decide whether this channel is worth my subscription or not. But boy, oh boy, am I obsessed!! From the guests, the content, the insights to the kind of positivity you instil in your viewers, this is, undoubtedly, one of my best finds on KZbin.

[@elliegrove6116]

I'm anxious/secure and my boyfriend is avoidant/secure and we're working together to fix this and become healthy together our relationship is amazing so far

[@AKASHROY-i9f]

❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@janehennessy7347]

I'm very impressed with the high value richness and expansive information Logan provided in this podcast. She offered complete lists of recommendations and specific advice. Wonderful! Many authors offer only superficial and incomplete interview answers in order to bait listeners to buy their book. Logan went deep and wide...honestly, making me more interested in her book and other products. I loved her explanations and examples of attachment styles. I'm sharing this episode with several friends, and it has earned the "subscribe" button smash from me for this podcast!

[@GoldenRule777_]

Nicely put, I couldn't not agree more! I was one of the viewers he was referring to that watched a video or 2 by him and liked it but never subscribed.. Well let's just say I am now one of his fellow subscribers😁😁😁🙏

[@Nah-ah]

Adam Lane Smith’s channel discusses Attachment Theory in depth on his channel

[@Adelicows]

Expensive information 😂 I genuinely can't believe so many people have to be told not to date someone who makes them feel bad about themselves. I'm near the end of the video and she hasn't said a single helpful thing yet.

[@kimmathews312]

I’m 62 and widowed. Never thought I would need to learn all that you shared. It was fantastic

[@Kobe29261]

May you find whatever you seek in life, especially love! I know a man who fell in love in his 80's; one of the greatest gifts of my life.

[@spilledit]

The old women knowing nothing about relationships explains A LOT about today.

[@williammar2421]

We always learning no doubt that love is king. 😅😅

[@MatrixxPhoenixx]

62 is sooooo young.. so much to look forward to. It's a whole new planet with new possibilities.. experiences color our world 🌎 🦋

[@izgl]

She has put so much thought into it...i am really glad to hear someone is caring about functioning relationships.

[@zeethefuture8262]

The best approach is just go for it. If the conversation goes smooth and the timr flies, then you can build something great.

[@christiana.1204]

I am currently reading her book and she is a wonderful relationship expert and writer. Her book How to not die alone should be read by everyone entering “that” phase of looking for someone. Can’t wait to watch this.

[@718_sports4]

Never heard of hear until now but she’s definitely seems well informed about this and as much as I don’t want to admit it i know that deep down I’m in that phase of my life . I’m going to take your suggestion and definitely by and read her work .

[@bro918]

What does "that phase" mean exactly im confused

[@christiana.1204]

@@bro918 It is not in Ury’s book. But basically it is just a period that you decided that now it is time to find someone and actually commit yourself to looking, not just passively.

[@Reallgeemachine]

@@christiana.1204 i don’t know there was such a thing as not looking for a long term life partner. I hope to never meet such a woman.

[@TheMatrixofMeaning]

This woman understands dating and relationships better than anyone ive seen on KZbin

[@DanteLikesRock]

Lol !

[@TheMacyi]

Try David Snyder, you will be amazed !

[@weepinginanger]

@@TheMacyiis this him? kzbin.info_0e3Bj_J_n4?si=Bxmuu37EDjz-Ddi9

[@josealexi5141]

IDK, I think Better Bachelor, Fresh&Fit, Coach Greg Adams, Alpha Central, WheatWaffles and Darius M know what's happening in the dating scene.

[@inside-job]

Based on my professional experience as an attachment focused EMDR therapist, we can all work to become more securely attached…or become secure enough to attract a secure partner. ❤ 19:24

[@mjovanovic09]

Wow, I’m speechless! Thanks for this amazing interview. After 47 years, i can restart my life!

[@sitiramona3996]

Same here.. I'm so glad that I encountered this channel. I am learning a lot and have opportunity to restart everything even at young age of 42.

[@xolanikondile9245]

Not 47 😂 but yeah I'm pressing the restart button

[@alibushell6762]

Attachment theory isn't just for understanding romantic relationships, it helps you see how you engage with people generally and how you see yourself in the world. You can work on your style in therapy and move from insecure to secure, it just takes time and addressing what you didn't get in childhood. People aren't born with a style, it develops through parenting and it can be changed through therapy (I say this as a therapist).

[@carpediem4413]

This is good insight - any advice on finding a worthwhile therapist ? Tired of spending $150 a pop on bad therapists who seem unqualified.

[@pippadawg7037]

It isn't all on parenting though. Even the therapist in the video admitted as much. If that is true I am the best mother in the world and so was my mother. One of my friends who was a perfect mother has children who have struggled in relationships.

[@kagomeotilia]

From the child's perspective, anything can be a trauma, if the child encountered something that wasn't age appropriate or wasn't able to talk it out or haven't received answers. Hence, children who have seemingly perfect mothers can still have relationships problems.

[@fantasyfinal89]

Yes agree 💯

[@Ratsfrom42]

Wow the bit on conversation and taking the fact then turning that fact into story to share vulnerability and find connection is mind blowing to me. It’s so hard to let people in and be vulnerable.

[@ChristineNicoleCoaching]

I absolutely lean toward being avoidant attached. I always feel smothered by men unless they give me space to BREATHE. I feel I attract the anxious attached who fall in love within 2 weeks causing me to feel the urge to flee. I am doing work to become more securely attached to also attract a securely attached man who already has an awesome life and doesn't need me to be his everything to feel okay within himself.

[@firebolt100]

Unfortunately, a lot of us guys are messed up. Plenty of the “nice guys” who may be somewhat stable have not had enough exposure to good women (hence the anxiety and/or clingy). I still think it’s a good idea to seek partners who are comfortable in spending time away from the other; that’s how y’all can have more stuff to talk about in the long run! And get yourself a guy who treats you like another person, and not some inanimate object/prize.

[@Nifnix]

Funny how time changes perspective, I listened to this podcast a few months ago and I was very cynical about everything that's talked about, but now that I'm in the darkest place I've ever been and I DECIDED to change, every topic resonates within me. Thanks a lot, I feel I'll be okay.

[@clark4suE]

And remember Jesus loves you. Hope you're in a better spot now!

[@AO-om6vs]

This woman is phenomenal. I want her job. I want to be coached by her. She is a mixture of smart, funny, vulnerable. It all shines through.

[@rgw5991]

🤬

[@VisioMDM]

facade.

[@TobeWill]

Amazing how confidence can make you peddle complete bullshit

[@HitenPatel]

I’ve got a Velcro wallet, had it for like 25 years, my gran brought it me and she passed 10 years ago. I’m keeping it as it’s sentimental.

[@nicksterp2805]

Nothing wrong w that

[@marieo5417]

That's sweet... or should I say, "vulnerable" 🙂

[@girlygirl1890]

Absolutely! I totally agree with you and if someone judges you by something as small as a "wallet", then they don't deserve you anyway. Blessings to you for having respect for the love of your grandmother. You are the grandson every grandmother would want. She is watching over you. Blessings.

[@HitenPatel]

@@marieo5417 😹 I’m ok with that, if you’re being defined by a wallet then the problem is not that.

[@HitenPatel]

@@girlygirl1890 absolutely love that. Made my day 🙌🏽🫶🏽

[@Notyourwifesotalktomenice83]

I was going to bed but now I'm not 😩 lol edit: I feel so called out, avoidant attachment and waiting to get my business off the ground and finish counseling before I date lol I never realized that I was actually avoiding dating. I'm taking notes for my counselor so we can work on it. Thank you so much for having her on.

[@michellecd4722]

@SawnaHill83 I am intentionally avoiding dating, I am divorced from a covert narcissist & in mid life caring for elderly parents & have no time for a relationship nor to give anything to anyone else right now other than my parents. I don't think avoiding dating is a bad thing if you're working on yourself & your business. You want to be secure in who you are in this particular phase in your life & then a relationship is a bonus, it ads to your life & you ad to theirs. As I mentioned, I am in midlife & my one largest regret at this point is being in relationships for so long from the age of 20 til' 50. If I had to do it over I'd have focused on myself. So, overall, my biggest regret is not being MORE self-focused, not less ;) Everyone has their own path. I'm also a retired psychotherapist :)

[@Notyourwifesotalktomenice83]

@@michellecd4722 thank you so much for your comment. I was in a relationship for over a decade and it was toxic. Right now I'm just healing and working on my goals, a documentary I did was recently implemented into the Canadian school curriculum so I just been focused on building my business because the ground work has been layed. That's amazing that you're helping with your parents, I believe it's never too late for real love so eventually I will be open to it but right now I'm just focused on goals.

[@wayofthekodiak3118]

Not criticizing but that's an interesting take. A guy would never be able to get away with that. He would be told "get your shit together first, then date. You're starting a business? Get it started first man. Also, heal yourself bro before you attach yourself to a lady".

[@SpindarellaM]

I have a long list of things I want to do and dating is not even on the list😭I feel like it’s a distraction (now I know it’s because I’m avoiding dating💔)

[@dannyh6088]

When they said “you have to have this, make this, do this to feel like you’re finally ready to start dating” that is what struck me deep inside. Loved this podcast & it truly helped me reevaluate my dating process. This is probably the first podcast that I will go back and watch the entire thing again & also take notes.

[@dmg-6449]

One of the BEST podcasts I have ever heard! I'm in my 60's, have only been in toxic relationships, and I believe I know why. I sent the link to my amazing daughter and son who are 33 and 34, respectively. I'd love to hear a sequel about dating for those over 50! So awkward and scary. Logan's answers were confident and filled with knowledge and wisdom and without hesitation indicating that she knows her stuff! Thank you.

[@user-zv4qx2qw1x]

Too late for you

[@ramsyrama]

Love doesn't have age @@user-zv4qx2qw1x

[@charlottebruce979]

@user-zv4qx2qw1x that's ridiculous. I know couples who have met in their 70's. Dame judy Dench met her second husband in her 80s. Dawn French met her husband in her 60s. If you want to share your life with someone, why not? I've met the love of my life at 46. it's the best relationship I've ever had!!

[@silewis9396]

Good points however I'd say any person with an anonymous profile online who says things like "too late" to women is a troll not worth replying to

[@spilledit]

It is too late. She is the common denominator in all her bad relationships. She's already slept around a lot and she is toxic. Please stay away from all the decent men.

[@wellsmerehouse]

This is DOAC's best guest to date. Logan Ury shares important, intelligent, emotionally-informed advice that EVERY person needs. Her advice can be extrapolated to most areas of life... know thyself, be kind, patient, and have a flexible mindset toward others. Love, love, love this woman.

[@anthonybrooks9914]

“Decide, don’t slide”, one of many really appreciated take aways from this interview. Excellent! Great discussion!!!!

[@BritishEcho]

I mean I am definitely a hesitator then. I have this list of criteria in my head of what I need to meet before I even begin dating. The problem is that list never ends because I will either replace the one I do with something else or just set that bar even higher. Explains a lot. This is a great video, I may pick up the book.

[@cloudimnida8837]

This was such an eye opening video. I am definitely the hesitater in dating. I feel like i still need to have an established career, lose weight, and I plan to get braces so I feel like I need to check all these boxes until I can date. But i realized the boxes and the list can increase without me knowing. I just need to do it and start dating. I'm also worried about the dating pool cuz so many people on social media are saying its basically doomed. I feel like I'm setting myself up for failure cuz it seems to be hopeless.

[@FlyHighFlyBC]

You can do it! I did it, and I put off dating for years due to career changes, health goals, etc. I finally just jumped in feet first, and went through 4 apps before finding my person on hinge. It’s not hopeless, but it is a numbers game. Every “no” is one “no” closer to a yes! You will fail if you never try. If you try, you might succeed! Good luck!

[@gothnerd887]

​@@FlyHighFlyBCwhat do you recommend for a noob's first dating app?

[@mooncake387]

the list of what you want to fix will def keep increasing, so long as you are doing the work start dating now, it is better to find someone who found you as an egg loved you for you saw you hatch than finding someone who will leave if you ever get fat again or start dropping in your looks. also time is going by its better to start looking while you are young.

[@Wise2daGame]

It's over

[@KevvoLightswift]

Reject online dating. Embrace traditional, organic, in person connections.

[@burnzy3210]

Here's a tip for the ladies (and guys if you do that too), stop putting on your profile that you don't use the app and to contact you on your social media. The app is there to be used to meet people, if you're not willing to use it for that then you're not taking dating seriously. More often than not this is just a cheap way to gain followers or push OF etc, stop it!

[@clairenicholls8024]

Exactly! stop asking for my number in the beginning. Like get to know me first 😂

[@sherwoodregan]

And guys… lose the fish 🎣

[@burnzy3210]

@@clairenicholls8024 As a rule now, I don't give my number until we meet IRL. Whatever app you're using is enough until you meet to see if you're happy with each other.

[@NightFlight1973]

@@sherwoodregan What is this fish thing? I've on a site for years since I met someone.

[@proudtobeme1ashkente]

It depends. I actually heard from someone who dates a lot that getting people off of the app as quickly as possible is helpful because they're more likely to focus on you instead of all the other options the app still offers them. Of course it's useless to link to an OF but if they do, their primary intention isn't even to date so who cares what links they put in? It's better that they do, that way you know what they're in for.

[@GK222_]

I love this woman. Besides the work that she's doing, she's got an amazing personality. Thank you for a great interview; so beautiful and light-hearted but sooooo informative. She's a great teacher ❤. This interview made me realize that I let a really good guy go during Covid because he's 3 years younger than me, had a job & I didn't at the time and I was just deeply insecure about that whole situation.

[@calidawl]

One of my favorite guests so far, the way she described different ways to look at things really made me think about my past dating and relationships!

[@TheeAntiChris]

I’m REALLY glad that Steven mentioned his revelation occurred when he realized that expressing his vulnerabilities was in fact a magnet, and not a repellent, as he assumed. I particularly enjoy listening to the Diary of a CEO, and Steven because he comes across as down to earth, and authentic, which is the probably the result of expressing one’s vulnerabilities. Fascinating podcast with Logan, brava! 👏🏼

[@GmanJC]

The problem is most people (men and women) are not capable of comprehending what this lady is saying. People probably don't think critically enough to truly realize their flaws through self-introspection.

[@pahakuutti]

That's fine in theory and for larger sample size probably true. But this woman run into a man who just wanted sex. Then rationalized being dumped through her educational lens, and stumbled upon a successful business. She's smart but thinks men think like women do. The man, lets call him Chad, was just not ready to settle down yet. So he didn't choose him. That's the more likely explanation rather than his mommy didn't hug him enough. Its good that she was able to fix her own issues tho.

[@GmanJC]

@@pahakuutti good point. I was looking more generally than specifically at her situation. Bottom line her Burning Man guy had an impact. Attractive people and the attention and options available to them reinforce their Avoidant Attached behavior. She probably thought she deserved him. The most revealing thing she explained was the pigeon experience. People are psychologically programmed to want what they cannot have.

[@user-ju6zx3rm8d]

@@pahakuutti you're right. She is a Chad-widow

[@Golden_Queen_888]

Do u have this problem ?

[@GmanJC]

@@Golden_Queen_888 probably

[@yasutakeuchi]

Can we get more people doing what she does? Some of us have pretty much just accepted defeat, exhausted from being considered "boring" or "desperate" for being like that guy who sent a list of fun things to do in Seattle. There's no space for people who don't want to play with the anxious/avoidant loop.

[@blackmewtwo3569]

Facts

[@UmightBwrong]

@thezoldics7648 At an extreme level I would agree with you. If a man is absolutely not physically attracted to a woman he will not be able to "perform." Also, a woman will not be happy knowing her partner does not find her attractive. Nevertheless, it shouldn't be necessary for a woman to be a "Victoria's Secret Model." However, if given the choice, I think every man would like a "10." Men and women nowadays need to adjust their priorities (be realistic) IF they actually want to be in a long term relationship.

[@JegrTube]

Can you post the Seattle list?

[@impancaking]

​@thezoldics7648she likely does know but her client base sounds predominantly women. 'Looks' are subjective. The majority of women rate the majority of men below average, prefernece knows no logic. Men, while they may prioritise looks, rate women way less harsh. People are also at different points in their lives. Many may prefer youth but life circumstances are complex and most would prefer being in a good relationship than being alone. That's the whole point. Look for perfection and die alone.

[@Will-ef2tw]

​@@impancakingthat sounds like something a fat chick would say

[@chopituppodcast]

Such a BEAUTIFUL well orchestrated conversation. WOW. I’m truly blown away. Btw..a colleague of mines recommended this video. I’m happy they did. Great conversation Indeed.

[@ameliadavies-smith5706]

I think she is brilliant. Also grateful she mentioned not to blame mothers for our relationship issues.

[@adriennemyers2846]

I found this podcast so interesting. I am 70 years old and saw so much of myself in this podcast. I am getting the book. I guess I haven’t given up in finding someone. I just figured it wasn’t going to happen. I think I just have an aura about me that keeps men away. Maybe it’s my guard. I have had a couple of bad boys since being divorced that messed me up. Not blaming them. It’s on me. TMI sorry. I love your podcasts and this is this first one I have responded too. You are an amazing interviewer. Your accent is nice too😊

[@mrquick6775]

Wait! You are 70 years old and still dating bad boys?? 😳

[@cherryblossoms942]

@@mrquick6775of course. All the great and interesting men are married. The decent single ones don’t need and usually aren’t on dating apps. It’s not her fault. She’s just perusing through washed up leftovers hoping to find a diamond in the rough but instead is getting bruised by glass that sparkled like a diamond.

[@corrinnacorrinna5572]

​@mrquick6775 People are always the same. It's just the body that ages. I've never understood why people never understand this. 😕

[@pippadawg7037]

See you shared that and got 41 likes. People love vulnerability- it is real. Don't ever give up on life, love and other people. My aunt met and married someone she found in a nursing home. She had Alzheimer disease so she wasn't legally married but she had the wedding set and they both thought they were married and seemed happy. My grand mother had it too and there was a man at her nursing home who was convinced that was his wife who had actually passed. He was so good to my grandmother and watched out for her. My mother is in her 80s and lost my father a year ago. She is sharp as a tack and she doesn't ever want anyone else. I wouldn't be surprised either way though. The women on her side of the family always seem to remarry.

[@mrquick6775]

@@corrinnacorrinna5572 What you spewed is true of women but not men!

[@Stephmac2403]

I think mini golf is a great date. It allows you to be silly, a bit competitive and provides tons of body language to read. It can easily turn romantic or be kept at a friendly level.

[@stilianifakidaraki3724]

Maybe the best interview on dating I’ve ever seen. This woman knows her stuff!

[@elizabethquinn8477]

I appreciated so much of what she had to say especially the scientific research behind attachment patterns and dating. However, even SHE didn't find her husband through a dating site so it's easy to say we should just deal with this "new normal" of dating websites. She used a dating coach which I think is great if you can afford it and she ended up with a man she met IRL at work. For some people, dating sites really are not the best way to meet people and are not normal and actually quite torturous and I wish she would have acknowledged that. For some people it's not that they are wanting an idealized meet cute, it's that they need something more than a dating site can provide.

[@valentingartner3793]

So, how do you meet people romantically irl?

[@Lisa-ih7fk]

​@@valentingartner3793I met a great guy after I joined an adult gymnastics class. I've also recently took up running and I've met a lot of lovely people through that. I also have a lot of friends who have dated friends of friends they met at parties.

[@smartmarketing173]

99% of men I meet in the wild are taken. But online dating is the worst, so that’s out. I’m considering using a matchmaker🤷🏻‍♀️

[@KayAteChef]

I met my wife at the pub. If I were single today, I would join a charity, a foreign language meetup, a fitness class, Chess in the park, a 5km run club, I would go to my friends' parties and help in the kitchen before the party, I would join the association that plants flowers in the botanical gardens because I like gardening, I would get a dog and go to puppy classes and take the dog to the 5km runs when it is ready.... and I would use online dating apps and use photos from those things I was involved in. And eventually I will probably not really anticipate how I find love but I have made myself interesting and fit and had fun along the way.

[@tjongejongeman8153]

Dating apps seem to be the sewer of dating for most but some really find a great partner through it. Wish it was like the old days; going out and making eye contact with a great guy, flirting, introducing, dating....now most men do not even want to buy you a drink or put effort in dating but asking your place or mine, sad world.

[@kimhook477]

I have been so blessed, encouraged and intrigued by many, many of the speakers and your input. Thank you for being YOU!!

[@TheDiaryOfACEO]

Thank you for letting us know, so glad to hear the episodes have moved you! Team DOAC xx

[@sanjayjattan9547]

But did you subscribe? Dont be like the other 69%

[@Mindfulness555]

@@sanjayjattan954769.9%* LOL It’s imposible to make these shows better because they’re the best so this arbitrary promise is hard to perceive as meaningful. Saying better 4+ times? Like how could it be better? Give us specifics. Maybe “when this channel reaches ______ subscribers, I will have _____ guests by request.” Or “if you subscribe today I will do ______ today.” Or “for every subscriber I will move the ads/plugs 1 second closer to the end of the show rather than beginning or middle.” 🤭

[@Seevawonderloaf]

1:01:54 the height preference is my number #1 pet peeve with my girl friends. I’ve happily been in a relationship since college and they hear my story and say it is cute…etc but they would have never ever gone for the dude I went for or encouraged me to go for him. He’s short, he’s a massive introvert (neither of which are negatives) and he’s also an amazing, supportive partner! Like all people, we had issues we had to work out, we were not ‘made perfect’ for each other. We’re very unlike but we share our values and respect each other. I saw this as the common thread in all the successful relationships I’ve seen. I’ve told my friends not to set the height preference so high and to make a list of your fundementals and have legit had friends put down things like height and ‘shouldn’t wear crocks’ on that list 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

[@elvia3068]

My preference is tall guys, but currently my boyfriend is 5'6 😍.

[@interesting2491]

@@elvia3068That comment says alot….Poor fella.

[@torhbakalit908]

I mean no worries they will change preference around 44 -47 when noone will want them in a serious note 😂

[@taniachara77]

I can’t believe I’ve ended up with a guy that’s not tall (it used to be a deal breaker) but he’s just the best thing ever. I’m better off with a short guy that treats me super well as opposed to being with a tall guy that gives me average treatment.

[@pippadawg7037]

@@taniachara77 I am tall 5'9" so I really wanted a tall man. At 20 I was a sophomore in college, it was raining men and I made a list. I met one early one in the search who was everything on my list, and we were engaged within 3 months and married within 6. As I matured though I saw that short men really like tall women and I realized that I didn't have to have a tall man. I could have loved my husband if he were short. I wanted tall, dark, handsome, a great dancer, smart, funny, top 97% earner etc. He is all that but he does have one major flaw that can be a huge deal breaker. At some point in our marriage he did in fact own a velcro wallet. Shocking. I thought it was ugly, but I really didn't care.

[@EinSofQuester]

She's adorable. Her smile is so infectious.

[@thatanimefan91]

I think the vulnerability only works when you are with a mature enough person..and the lack of that which stops of people becoming that with others

[@fifitesfatsion3428]

MY GODDD!!! This literary freed me. Years of therapy in 90 minutes. God bless you!

[@suestoehr520]

Fantastic info here! As a 64 yr old woman, I'm impressed with your wisdom, research and how well you express it. I've felt pretty clear on things for myself, but this opened my eyes to some things I've wondered about & struggled with at times. Loved the 37% concept on dating. Makes so much sense. Thank you so much.

[@darkice7669]

Info STINKS, guys need to be more asshole than anything else. Nice guys finish LAST! Women got nothing to offer in advice to any man with dating any woman. Women don't want a NICE guy. Any girls favorite boyfriend was an asshole to them. I know why,do you?

[@FirstNameLastName-lu5nr]

I like this interview much more than the other woman talking about relationships. I don’t remember her name, but I remember it being rife with inconsistent and hypocritical views. Logan was a delight; objective, honest, and thoughtful.

[@0scartheCat]

Some men should be avoided, some women should be avoided… learn fast or pay the price … be gentle with peoples hearts and don’t put up with people that aren’t gentle with yours …

[@nicksterp2805]

I totally agree

[@XeLYoutube]

im surprised it dosent talk about "top 1% chad getting all the tickle" and "alot of % want rich guy after riding chad and want rich and chad, but milk rich and dream chad, cause rich chad are rare" but what if a gold digger master those 8 trait and narcisism it out on first dates till marriage divorce false acusation alimoney? im surprised there is not a single appart about wealth (but at least about look atractivness and laugh ect..) 1:26:00 money tho at least hmm

[@evka24]

Great advice

[@Ytvzoey]

My fiancé had a Velcro wallet on our first date!!! Lol 😂 he wore a plaid button down shirt, and very poorly fitted khakis, with beat up cross trainers and thick white socks. But he was SO funny. We later went to the bookstore and once I realized that he had read nearly every book I had read, well, that sealed the deal. I’m a huge book worm … and id never met anyone who read as much as I did. And I had definitely never met a guy who actually liked talking about books the way I did. Clothes, wallets … all of it doesn’t mean much. I honestly couldn’t ask for a better partner. Sweet, funny, and a total book worm like me. Oh, and I eventually bought him a new wallet!! 😂 I completely forgot about it until watching this episode!! Haha 😂 too funny 🥲🥲🥲 Great episode! I was watching it trying to understand my friend better and I got so many laughs from it :) My advice is : Date Nerds! The guys who show up with velcro wallets are actually the real gems 💎

[@hankson5002]

Better look for guys with Cold-Wallets ;)

[@MrPatrickmjames]

Well said, but it's also ok to be a nerd with the sensibilities to buy clothes that look good and a normal wallet lol

[@sosoyeon578]

I’m so sorry for you. I know you want better. You deserve vacations, luxury and a man who can provide with ease. I hope you’re still searching girlie ❤❤

[@saeedahmed5429]

​@@hankson5002😂😂😂😂 if u know u know

[@sh0werp0wer]

@@sosoyeon578 Don't worry about her, she's not that trashy.

[@londonstudioliving]

I sometimes have an avoidant personality. My friend has anxious attachment and both our dating lives have been so messed up for years lol. I never noticed the dynamic between us too until we got really close as friends. I was going through a spell of "busyness" in my life. She started to really act up - turning up where I was hanging out each week, asking to see me all the time, then telling me I was a bad friend for not making more time for her (in her opinion). Relationship dynamics can also feed into friendship sometimes. Needless to say it was very suffocating and I just wanted to run away as she started to trigger my avoidant-ness. I didn't run away, I tried to speak her and she shut down and blocked me out. Exactly how Logan explains....now I just feel relief but at the same time kind of wished we were able to work through our triggers or that she could watch this video and see how harmful her/our behaviour was.

[@Kobe29261]

There are people even in friendships who want another person to co-sign their world view. i've had friends with whom disagreements on freaking sitcoms was grounds for the cold-shoulder. May God spare me such people forever!

[@jbb8261]

Therapy can help this

[@OzzyTheGiant]

@@jbb8261 Agreed, people need therapy before they should start dating

[@racitup4114]

Send her the video

[@Dinod56]

This is absolutely a great informative video. This amazing lady has put a lot of effort and deep thought into this subject that sooo many people are struggling with today. A lot of uncommon / common sense and logic. She is the REAL DEAL of relationship coaching. I salute you Logan, and thank you DOAC for having her on.

[@cassaspell]

Lmao the description of avoidant attachment was an EXACT description of me in my 20s 😅 but im grateful ive been able to work through to a more secure attachment style in my 30s. I appreciate her take on all this and hopefully helping people gain more security/safety in relationships. We really need it collectively speaking

[@bobdole3251]

Yea too bad you wasted your 20s getting ran through. Over 30 it’s over you’re expired 😅

[@basedmek]

@@bobdole3251found the incel 💀

[@johnmcnulty1129]

Perfect unconditional & non judgemental love is so easy to find. Just that it has 4 legs, a fur coat and a wagging tail :)

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

❤❤❤

[@CelestialWoodway]

Do you have sex with it?

[@teeeteee000]

💯 Exactly! Humans are too much.

[@johnnyxmusic]

As long as you feed it. 😂😂😂

[@cosmic_curves3339]

Amen to that!❤

[@rosawhelan3229]

As someone who was lucky enough to find my husband at 20, I've always struggled with my female friends who seem to push away men who are kind, interested, successful, etc, and chase men who are unavailable or even cruel, all while telling me that I was lucky to meet a good guy like my husband. It's frustrating when you care about People and they don't seem to understand that they are self sabotaging

[@bobpurcell8357]

You knew him when you saw him (as opposed to "I met the right guy 45 times and treated him like shit every time" so perhaps you are due credit ('luck' runs out, y'know.)

[@pippadawg7037]

I met my husband at 19 and we got married at 20. I reject her interview 37% theory. If you wait till you are 26 to choose a partner and you still have to get married and settled down, when are you going to start having children? My husband and I were together 6 years before our first. Those years we really build a solid relationship apart from our children. Plus by 26 your pool of possible applicants is dwindling. Of the hundred applicants about 50 have already found jobs. At 19 I had enough of dating. It is fun but also a bit exhausting.

[@pippadawg7037]

That puts all the onus on the female. Don't men meet the right woman 45 times and treat her like crap?

[@rosawhelan3229]

@@pippadawg7037 it's also just not very romantic! My husband is not a statistic. I married him because I love him and we make eachother happy. I didn't need to have a tonne of relationships to know that I found the one, I just knew.

[@bobpurcell8357]

​@@pippadawg7037Obviously not this one 🤷 (it was self-defense, I swear 🤞)