The Mindset That's Making You Socially Anxious

[@ColeHastings]

Thanks for watching. If you're interested in learning more about social anxiety/building relationships with others, check out my playlist here: kzbin.info/aero/PLgVZMuITSnetVwlL51dHinz1eReqrMNYG

[@bugandoamente251]

I was surprised when i saw Guts in the TV behind you, good job struggler

[@lifeisbeautiful5998]

Plz make a another video 📹 💓 on this with more practical examples and 5 things that we must add to conversation to look smart and not be called stupid 😔plz tell help me ..I have anxiety and depression and I have been doing great but only and the only things that stops me is that somebullies come and shit on me , Fake talk about me to others friends abs some girls to have fun on me ...but it gives me more negativity and make me feel I should not talk snd now I also have stopped doing what I love and also have more social anxiety..i also have poor verbal defense 😢. .that's make me more anxious and I feel I have no future now . Feel very weak ..their behavior makes me belive less in me ..I promise I never really did any wrong to them but they seem to take fun or feed on my weakness or my anxiety or lack of good communication and less hight and strength

[@TheNeoLoneWolf]

I've had multiple professionals tell me they can't help me, and that some problems are simply untreatable. I don't need some modern snake oil salesman who doesn't know me from a rock telling me he can just fix all my problems if I subscribe to his patreon. Then tell me all the same self help bullshit I've heard a million times before. Making friends is easy, just be more confident, and stop being your own worst enemy.

[@gigachadgoose]

I never really had the ability to talk to people but I don't know why. Do you have a video on how to pinpoint the roots of your problems and how to fix them? If not, could you make one?

[@ColeHastings]

check out my entire social skills playlist. im sure itll help@@gigachadgoose

[@bigwavesun]

To be honest with you, some people just make conversations more awkward, which can make you feel like you messed up socially. Believe it or not, not all girls are the social butterflies people think they are.

[@iwasanMBTInerd]

This is why I say to never get dating advice from the internet. It makes you believe girls are a hivemind.

[@lawrencelord9777]

Yeah but that’s why you got remember to do you, regardless. In the event someone fails to have any skill themselves you merely note it and continue with your day. Don’t use it as an excuse to give up altogether. Just hold the W that you might be the most skilled person in the room sometimes.

[@mal_3157]

Social anxiety makes you think your the only person in the world with social anxiety

[@bigwavesun]

@@mal_3157 true

[@ArjunVerma-wx7tf]

@@mal_3157 Yeah exactly this makes you believe that you're the only who is not capable of not interacting with people but on the flipside you see females are themselves socially awkward when it comes down to conversation. They even get startled and they do have no idea what to say when you approach out of the blue. Its an awful statement that only men have social anxiety whereas girls are too anxious to talk to us themselves.

[@privateequityguy]

5 things to quit for all people: 1. Caring about what others think 2. Not believing in yourself 3. Not prioritizing your health 4. Wasting your precious time 5. Chasing meaningless relationships For those who are in the rush of changing their lives :-)

[@panicogito2414]

Thank you for stopping wasting my precious time for the video

[@Zyrdalf]

Return to robot

[@hikaru_hajime941]

thats like telling a cocaine addict to stop doing cocaine

[@BAKERXVIII]

@@hikaru_hajime941 I have an "acquaintance" that I bonded with because of metal, this guy is a hardcore cocaine addict. Good guy, but goddamn that shit has absolutely wrecked his world. Don't compare drug addictions to trying to be a better person. I'll give his five steps a rundown for you real quick: 1/5 Hopefully this hurts your ego, nobody really cares about what you do, I commute on buses everyday and I genuinely couldn't give less of a shit about what other people around me are wearing, what they look like, or what they are doing, their existence is meaningless to me if we don't know communicate or already know each other. When I was a teen I had this stupid god-complex because I was young and inexperienced, thought everything revolved around me. Long story short: Do things the way you want to do them, say things the way you want to say them, be the way you want to be around people. 2/5 I don't know you, but I do know me, and I have very solidified views of myself and others, I've had these views all my life, but I was always afraid of judgement from other people. DON'T BE DOCILE. That's all I ask. If you see me bleeding out liters of blood on the street asking for help, don't ignore me because you have "social anxiety". We as a society are way too docile with our beliefs and ways of life. Experience life and find your beliefs, then it won't be hard to believe in yourself. I don't have time on my hands to write anymore, don't do drugs, don't stroll around life aimlessly (it will bite you in the ass), do things that make you happy, and most importantly don't write your life off like it's meaningless. Your existence is a 1 in a billion billion chance. Life itself is a miracle for all of us. Good luck.

[@rchaelk2319]

@@BAKERXVIII shit, if you ever have the time and lust to finish what you started, please do. What happened to that drug addict you were telling???

[@Freuivan]

I think vulnerability is a huge step on eradicating social anxiety.

[@ariefsantoso253]

"True humility is the only antidote to shame.” - uncle iroh

[@TaxingIsThieving]

Never mind then!

[@TaxingIsThieving]

@@mattsael8665 Exactly

[@Freuivan]

@@mattsael8665 If you have mental disorders or anxiety disorder, this won't help at all. Professional help is needed if it comes on mental disorders

[@Freuivan]

@@mattsael8665 but if you don't have any mental disorders, I suggest you come up with 3 ways that can make your life vulnerable

[@dantepepper]

Most of anxiety can be killed by just being present be 100% in the moment their is nothing to fear meditation helps

[@SelmaAymara]

Simple, but true

[@wificake2091]

😑

[@Moesie]

BS , i tried that u can heal or decrease it. But it wont fix trauma. Aslong as u got trauma u ficked in life

[@HighGzSpace77]

@@Moesie As long as you HAVE life you won't feel that trauma, we're deeper then that.

[@Moesie]

@@HighGzSpace77 Been here done that it wont fix, being yeaar true abusive molesting parents is something u wont heal from

[@AhmetKaan]

You'll watch an entire Netflix show even when the first episodes are slow and boring just because someone told you "it gets better." *But what if you looked at your goals like that and watched your life get better instead?*

[@brandonmorrow6354]

Golden Nugs

[@AngusStewart01]

😊

[@bigwavesun]

💯

[@komaedafanaccount5197]

bojack horseman even tho i liked the parts people said were boring

[@fotis3v480]

Life doesn't get better socially if you arent attractive as a man. You can be successful but socially nothing will change you'll just be approached yo be taken advantage off.

[@muddycatfish5396]

for most of my teenage years I've had social anxiety. This realization helped me. I used to fill my mind with an acute self awareness while talking to people and it often led to either saying something that doesn't make sense, not speaking loud enough to be understood, or losing train of focus. I found that by maintaining my mind's attention on the current moment and not allowing myself to consider predicted outcomes or negative perceptions (about myself), I had a much clearer mental space to just listen to the conversation and really consider what the other person is saying, feeling, or doing. Now I understand that listening itself is the fundamental key to producing valuable conversation, as obvious as that sounds.

[@fraserrory9765]

Hey dear, I’ve got great info that’ll help you create wealth. People have been complaining about a broker that can help in trading.I discovered a renowned broker & I recommend Investor Karen Gaye Gray, for more details you can have a quick look of her name online to see for yourself and reach out to her

[@conchadeconchos]

Thanks for this I am in the same boat of predicting outcomes and i seem to give off the idea that I’m ignoring/ ending the conversation. I do this by avoiding eye contact (obvious one Ik but I’ve gone though a phase it’s not like I’m scared of it I just prefer to listen and not death stare you, but I may push it too far almost like telling the person I’m uninviting their attempt at conversation.) It definitely feels like some weird bubble of comfort/ awkwardness arises from thinking of possible ways a convo can go, but this helps me confirm my hunch was right it’s a bubble that must burst. I guess I struggle listening which is weird being an empath too tbh sometimes it’s just overwhelming and I can be in a social mentality and suddenly shut off like if I hit a wall. Either way thank you I will implement the presence of communication. I have been aware of it for a while now but been too scared to step out if it means real conversation. I just find it to be that most people talk about their shortcomings with me, a lot of the time Inderectly. An example is a person telling me a story of how when they were younger their dad would always beat them if they left the house. They would sneak out with the potential of being beat severely. Once married away this person basically became a sidekick, never learned anything other than being a mother. This person now has an irrational fear of traveling. No matter where or with who this person gets an “ unexplainable panic attack”. The story was told to me very simply like just a old tale like If this person was pretending they did not still identify as that young girl who would be beat at any moment for leaving the house. Even now they won’t visit family due to fear and they are aware it is not the heights or airplanes like they say “ an unexplainable nervous feeling and it’s not the plane of the travel”. While this is mild from outside perspective this is an internal story within this person for the past 50+ years. It is a thorn that never found it’s way out and we all know puss can be a bitch to deal with. im not a therapist man im just trynna get my shit together myself and it would be one thing sharing a problem and talking about it but damn I may as well has absorbed the non-physical stressful side of the problem. Like a mirror that keeps small amounts of what it is reflecting. Haha maybe this was meant to be written in my notebook man half of this ain’t even for anyone but myself. Anyways thanks a third time, have a good one.

[@SkylarStJohn-mo4yi]

@@conchadeconchos straight from the heart, wonderful response and i can also relate with you guys. whenever i forget that im in a conversation (like i mean im just fully in it, not thinking about it) my social anxiety goes away so fast. but whenever i start thinking about what im doing or what the other person thinks of me i instantly start getting into me head and i feel like its gone awkward. ive just been trying to stay present but its really difficult. another part of me doesnt like that if i fix this issue of thinking too much, i wont be thinking as much and its hard to explain but thats weird to me. and there i go thinking too much lmaoo

[@Im1BossyChick]

🎯💖

[@joeykenney]

Love this. Detaching yourself emotionally from the outcome of a social interaction really help you go in with that “who gives a f***” attitude which people are naturally way more receptive to than if it comes across that you’re “trying” to be cool or come across a certain way. Finally, people care way more about themselves than you so don’t worry about what they’re thinking about you cause chances are they don’t care, so neither should you!!

[@fraserrory9765]

Hey dear, I’ve got great info that’ll help you create wealth. People have been complaining about a broker that can help in trading.I discovered a renowned broker & I recommend Investor Karen Gaye Gray, for more details you can have a quick look of her name online to see for yourself and reach out to her

[@betterchapter]

I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.

[@myflymkultra268]

I will hit fear with a Ngannou-level punch

[@MOGO8907]

Nerd!!! Bless the maker!

[@ATLAS-xn4rt]

Ohh yeah, "dune" i guess

[@wadoichimonji8522]

I repeat this litany to myself everyday.

[@Reeeeeee12345]

Cope.

[@RealJamieBarclay]

If you have to drink alcohol in order to feel comfortable in social parties, it's time to speak to people sober, until you don't even care if you drink at parties or not.

[@juliomendez1997]

Yes that sounds like me

[@BlastinRope]

Yeah nerds just like, get over it, lmao. Great advice.

[@thetheory6159]

See, this is bad advice. But saying it's bad advice alone is not enough. Let's break down why it's bad advice, and how bad this advice is. Firstly, this assumes a person who can just talk to people sober. This advice is being told to people who do not need it. If I could just talk to people sober, I wouldn't be here. -1 point. Secondly, this advice is meaningless. It's on the level of telling a depressed person "It's time to start seeing the good in the world!". You're trying to pass off as wise while saying nothing of value. Pretentious. -2 points. Thirdly, you explain nothing. You give no tips, tricks, or ACTUAL advice, you just say "do it but i aint tellin you how lmao". This shows you're not competent, either as a teacher or on the subject you are talking about. Unhelpful. -1 point. Fourthly, you talk matter of factly, as though your way is the only way. You don't actually acknowledge that this may be too hard for someone, you don't acknowledge there may be a step before this. Ignorant. -1 point 5/10, this advice does not get a passing grade, and makes you look like an asshole to every person who is actually struggling.

[@RealJamieBarclay]

@@thetheory6159 What I was referencing here was an extremely summarised version of exposure therapy. However it was definitely a bit of a pretentious comment that left a lot to be desired. However it's also been months since I wrote this, I don't even remember writing it tbh. Thanks for the feedback, although I like to think I generally don't give such basic advice anymore, it's still good to take note of. (Also I'm not a teacher or an expert, I just make KZbin videos lol)

[@ramgami-7122]

...bad "advice".

[@TheDhammaHub]

It is kinda interesting how we love to project our own character traits onto other people... can really be a mess

[@rolon-ew5kl]

I don’t do that. I hate when people do that to me

[@SkylarStJohn-mo4yi]

what do you mean by that? i havent really noticed that in myself and people around me

[@madefearfullywonderfully9293]

you’re literally projecting that we project our character traits lmao 🤣

[@SkylarStJohn-mo4yi]

@@madefearfullywonderfully9293 i still dont know what op means by that

[@DripSmooveplays_fortnite]

​@Skylar St. John i think they mean we project our expectations of ourself onto others when they don't have the same expectations for themselves that we do

[@NickNotas]

So much of social anxiety stems from worrying about an outcome. Either how you will gain people's approval or lose their approval. Instead, focus on the moment without objective: making good eye contact, taking in the sound of other's voices, feeling your breath, and listening intently. Trust that you will get lots of content to then relate more naturally to. Because if you're in your head trying to get somewhere, you will miss all that valuable data, and it will basically be impossible to have a natural conversation. -Nick

[@muddycatfish5396]

Hey, my name is also Nick and for most of my teenage years I've had social anxiety. I think that's a good example of the types of realizations that have helped me along the way. I used to fill my mind with an acute self awareness while talking to people and it often led to saying something that doesn't make sense or losing train of focus. I found that by maintaining my mind's attention on the current moment and not allowing myself to consider predicted outcomes or negative perceptions (about myself), I had a more clear mental space to just listen to the conversation and really consider what the other person is saying, feeling, or doing. Now I understand that listening is the ultimate key to producing valuable conversation.

[@Peanuts76]

@@muddycatfish5396 we re so in our head when we talk to people, losing ourself with negative thoughts instead of just be in moment, and listening..... i think some people who have autism/adhd also suffer like this...

[@DemetriPanici]

*"Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking." - Marcus Aurelius*

[@stevejohargy1224]

Powerful quote thanks for sharing

[@moalston4203]

Thnk man happiness is your state of mind

[@moalston4203]

Happiness is free

[@basilplushie2534]

@@moalston4203 now tell that to a depress person

[@hananhano-vq9er]

thanks

[@whodis5444]

Physical exercise and good diet helps with anxiety. I've been on a fitness kick for 5 months now and my confidence has increased exponentially. Get fit, get active, get healthy. We all gonna make it brahs.

[@BigEvan96]

Amen. Keep it up.

[@ashleykathryn9038]

Quitting caffeine helped my social anxiety a ton

[@voreincorporated3056]

I wish it changed my anxiety, smh

[@BigEvan96]

@@voreincorporated3056 stop watching porn.

[@voreincorporated3056]

@@BigEvan96 I stopped watching it for 3 months, didn't fix anything

[@SombreroBeanieHat]

I believe you should live your life without the intention of connecting with People. What I mean by that is go about your way do the things the you love or that interest you, have small talks with individuals and go about your life with contentment. Can’t live life wondering who will come, stay or have a place in it.

[@ColeHastings]

Absolutely

[@haseeb7274]

Fixing my posture definitely helped me socially, 'cause even I wouldn't feel the urge to go up and start a conversation with a guy with bent back and neck almost like a dinosaur and half into his phone. "Fix your posture", "sit straight" are literally golden words if you know how much bad postures affect your social life and mental health.

[@dahannes6739]

How did you fix it?

[@haseeb7274]

@@dahannes6739 search up athlean X videos

[@spoopyscaryskelebones3846]

@@dahannes6739 sit straight lol

[@jcx_11]

@@dahannes6739 look up postural exercises, it will take a while but its well worth it. Just be consistent, it not only improves ur physical but mental health as well.

[@YHLGguitargeek]

My social anxiety stems from empathy. If I have no good reason to be talking to someone, I feel like Im imposing myself on them for no reason. My fear of rejection is less about what it says about me, but more about how ive negatively affected the other person.

[@ImNotHelpful]

That’s exactly how I feel. I’m a great listener, horrible talker. I kinda just let others initiate the conversation with me , then I don’t feel bad because they chose to talk to me first. Although if I feel comfortable enough I’ll let loose and start random conversations with them.

[@flyaway6671]

I feel like we need to practise being selfish as a means of therapy lol

[@-astrangerontheinternet6687]

That’s not empathy. Sorry. Maybe occasionally, you’re imposing on others, but more often- you’re not. Or if the other person does feel that way, it’s because of something to do with them, not you. You’re not being empathetic, your projecting your negative view of yourself on them. Just saying because it’s a huge difference.

[@navineon4961]

​@@-astrangerontheinternet6687Yep, was about to say that.

[@winterfreshification]

I think modern society has made more people than ever socially anxious. We can work at home, order food to our doors, talk to friends through the phone spending more time than ever not around people. So when we are put in a social setting in person it is "out of the ordinary". Before technology, I think this was much less a problem because socializing was something you just had to do. You had to work in person, order things in person, interact with many people throughout the day. This is why I think the best way I've found helps me is to just make it a point to have more social interactions in general.

[@outseteddy6306]

Yeah, like they say, socializing is a mental skill that can diminish without use. Social media is too ‘advanced’ for our still primitive minds. Thankfully the brain is incredible and flexible so you can always get better.

[@squtnik]

agreed!

[@Ryan-rd5ol]

Definitely agreed gen z growing up texting and on social media and now working from home has led to way less social skills

[@ZavieM]

"Occupied a position of respect" - The phrasing of this really resonated with me. It's a good mindset to take into any situation.

[@ColeHastings]

For sure

[@billysanderson4921]

@@ColeHastings you really hit the nail on the head with this video!. Great advice that I will take into account 💪

[@Himuud]

My advice is: stop believing you are socially awkward, stop believing that you are any of the bad things that you think about yourself. It's most people negative core beliefs that keep them hostage. It's just your thought, you are not your thought(otherwise when they pass you would pass too) so don't trust it, follow your intuition. The mind is great slave but a terrible master

[@rosenberg6060]

This is not easy

[@zenfae8373]

I was smiling throughout the video because I can relate 1000% with the example that was shown. The amount of awkward situations that I've created is uncountable at this point.

[@fraserrory9765]

Hey dear, I’ve got great info that’ll help you create wealth. People have been complaining about a broker that can help in trading.I discovered a renowned broker & I recommend Investor Karen Gaye Gray, for more details you can have a quick look of her name online to see for yourself and reach out to her

[@DemetriPanici]

Don't be afraid that what you say or do is going to put you on a social island. You have something good to say whether someone reacts negatively or not

[@Hugex97]

Think this: you are not creepy, they are. Done. Saved you years of social anxiety

[@fraserrory9765]

Hey dear, I’ve got great info that’ll help you create wealth. People have been complaining about a broker that can help in trading.I discovered a renowned broker & I recommend Investor Karen Gaye Gray, for more details you can have a quick look of her name online to see for yourself and reach out to her

[@porkerpete7722]

That's an isolating mindset tho. That can be damaging.

[@Hugex97]

@@porkerpete7722 I rephrase, what I meant os if you ever akwardness when talking to somebody asume It is their problema without saying It, cause you don't want to be rude. But that way you don't feel so bad for saying something "akward"

[@heyzero1414]

well that might have truly saved some years of social anxiety

[@jdoe7674]

Nothing is a 100% cure but this mindset has definitely helped me a lot with social anxiety because that was one of my main concerns “am I being creepy” “am I being awkward” “are they going to call me creepy behind my back” And now I don’t really care about that stuff because I just think to myself it’s not me it’s them

[@TheTogaParty22]

oooooohhh this mindset makes so much sense! i have insane social anxiety and i'm also a teacher, and people always ask me how i do it. but teaching my kids is so different to making conversation with random people and as a teacher i do command some respect and definitely have control over the interactions. another mindset shift that has helped with my anxiety is telling myself that i don't need to 'get' anything out of the interaction (i learned this from russel brand lol). basically if i'm trying to make people like me because i want to get friends out of the interaction, that's probably going to make me more anxious and i may not even be myself. also i am crying at 4:38 lmaoooo

[@ColeHastings]

thats an awesome tip, and im so glad someone caught that moment hahaha

[@alexong2542]

As a teacher, we're basically the authority figure, just like leaders, kings, and conquerors, they all have authority, and thus they can speak and command others as they wish. But when you're engaging someone whom you have no authority over, it just feels awkward, you feel anxious because you feel you have no sense of control.

[@CannaToker420]

Russell Brand….. bruhh

[@eligualtieri1612]

@@alexong2542 You teachers are SICK IN THE HEAD. Nothing more than authoritarian, power hungry control freaks and thankfully society is waking up to you creeps more each day.

[@jamesmb7453]

There’s always gonna be people who form negative opinions on us regardless of how perfect we could act. It took me till about the age of 25 to stop overthinking social situations and just allowing myself to say silly shit and not care. I think most people appreciate someone who just speaks authentically and doesn’t try to come across as this drone who always tries to say the right things.

[@KittyKow]

One of my problems is that I can easily bear awkward silences. Most people become uncomfortable and it gives me power.

[@gen-zhippie2203]

The thing with awkwardness- its kind of fake. If you let feeling awkward overpower a situation, then yeah you might start feeling weird. But if you just chill in silence, or accept a weird thing you said and then move forward? Its like it never even happened

[@garrettoesch4874]

“Young man goes to jail for being weird”, you just added a whole new layer of anxiety lmao. You’re funny bro, keep up the good work

[@tommyspaghet6877]

Oh god, it makes so much sense

[@DavidSantos-fu2ll]

The Stranger by Albert Camus

[@binks808]

Quarantine made me so awkward now that whenever I talk to someone I just start stuttering or I just get anxious I never used to be like this it’s so frustrating

[@flid1168]

same here bro

[@blvckacer6689]

@@flid1168 me too, i used to be very social albeit reserved too, but i could still talk to people if i wanted to, then my mom passed away last year and everything just went downhill. Now i don't even feel like talking to anyone but i also don't want to be in this position forever, I'm in such a dilemma right now

[@TM450FI]

@@blvckacer6689 i'm Sorry for your loss, i hope stuff gets better for you

[@blvckacer6689]

@@TM450FI thanks man....I hope so too...the fact that I haven't been around my mates for over a year now doesn't help matters

[@jukeldups]

SAME here. I have had social anxiety before, which I went to therapy for and improved upon, but post-pandemic social anxiety is a whole new level. I like to think about it from a gamer's perspective. I went through the tutorial, I have all the techniques and weapons I need, now I just have to use it in the actual game. With social interactions this is especially easy, as they come in so many forms, different people, etc. And there are an infinite amount of them. If I fuck it up, I'll just "reload" and try again. Maybe with a different person, but who cares. I'm sure people had weird encountrs with me (from their perspective) and honestly, I don't even remember. And other people don't, either. We're so self-absorbed and self-concious - as in concious of ourselves - that we never fully register and remeber the other people around us until they occupy a very important role. So I go out there, collect XP from small and easy enemies, level up and develop my skill tree...

[@SleepyOmel]

I mean for me it's just the fact that i was bullied for 7 years and developed an antisocial personality disorder that has taken me years to get a grip on, but why not watch a video where i might learn something new

[@jesuschrist1817]

I'm sorry you went through that I hope you get better 💙🙏

[@LifestyleTradr]

I feel being socially anxious/awkward is a self worth thing. I can bet anyone who is socially anxious doesn't feel that way when they are alone, when they are talking to a child or when they are talking to an elderly person. Coming from personal experience, the times I feel socially anxious is when I believe my self worth is being tested ( all in my head). I don't have trouble taking to women, chidlren, and elderly people because as a man, I have natural dominance. Relating and getting along with authority figures in my life is where I struggle. but I already know the cure to problems which is to treat absolute everyone as they have the same exact self worth as myself. the hard part is implementing in real time

[@MykeWinters]

Diagnosed cptsd, social anxiety, depression and on the adhd waiting list. I understand awkwardness etc, but from a different perspective. I hope people out there suffering this are getting the help they deserve. To go through life with no or little support can be crippling and a very lonely place.

[@alexkerns7523]

Hopefully one day I’ll find someone (partner) to ease my anxiety

[@MamaSwole]

once again your uploads align with what I'm going thru personally haha I love it

[@fraserrory9765]

Hey dear, I’ve got great info that’ll help you create wealth. People have been complaining about a broker that can help in trading.I discovered a renowned broker & I recommend Investor Karen Gaye Gray, for more details you can have a quick look of her name online to see for yourself and reach out to her

[@sori6196]

i love how you say no one is above anyone, and in essence, everyone really is equal. i wish more people would peel back the illusions to see this and talk about this. i think everyone would be happier and healthier if we realized this, we wouldn't be chasing others or what others have...

[@lalalanding234]

If we make ourselves out to be any lesser than the others, then, (unless they are toxic people) they will feel uncomfortable when they are made to feel superior.

[@maumiceli]

Pfff dude I've been watching videos about social skills and condifence for years (and developing in parallel, with my ups and downs) and this is one of the best pieces I've watched. Thank you, man! 🙌🏼

[@ColeHastings]

Thanks for watching!

[@warmgoo]

One thing i learned that helps me get more comfortable and motivated to speak to others is remembering that they too are humans just like me 💯

[@greentech58]

"I'm not antisocial or socially anxious, I'm just socially selective and I love maintaining deep and meaningful conversations" -A guy from previously watched video

[@halalgigachadd_]

I like how you always start your videos with some scenarios that you have experienced related to the topic, keep it up!

[@ColeHastings]

Thank you, the skits are the most fun part to make

[@edoardogiliberti7827]

Likes can't explain how big and high value this video is

[@ColeHastings]

Thank you

[@jumanuman7311]

Damn we got into the same conclusion, a feeling of authority or control makes you way more confident

[@babynyxe4784]

I figured this out when I started my first job! I always felt awkward and walking on pins and needles when I talked to my coworkers who came before me. But i was always able to easily get along with ones who came after me, and i realized it was because I had more knowledge and experience than them!

[@motivationbaychannel6891]

DO JUST ONCE what others say you can't do and you'll never pay attention to their limitations again.

[@Talon9984]

every time I open my mouth I remember why I stay silent

[@Brandismo-vr4vs]

I can relate enormously

[@aditit306]

😂

[@aditit306]

😂

[@Mina-rb5ut]

9:32 genius. I work in outside sales and come across this all the time with my dentist. Little do they know that I practiced dentistry for nearly 13 years and know everything they know. I play along and align myself at level or slightly above. It works every time. And soon enough rapport and respect is established and their ego goes away.

[@ecos889]

Sitting awkwardly for 15 mins in silence sounds like a perfectly fine to me. Sometimes you don't have anything to do ok and that's fine.

[@rickeyoftherhodes8983]

I don't really relate to caring what people think of me. I do to an extent or course, but my fear seems to be more of a fear of irritating the other person. Also, the hardest part for me is the aftermath. I can say stupid things and not care at the moment, but I know if I do, I won't be able to sleep later that night.

[@ImprovementGang]

I will always find that if I am the listener and I ask the right questions...I can pretty much have a good conversation with anyone that is willing. Most of the time I just have to listen and touch on the things that I am actually interested in to make the convo flow better.

[@12Messenger]

I heard a girl whisper to her friends "he's staring at me" I just happened to look at her and that statement makes me socially awkward because now im worried what others will think abt what she had said

[@xylophone3764]

Same wtf

[@squtnik]

maybe she thought you were cute, ya never know

[@theironworks6797]

What makes me socially anxious is that I can't relate to people. I'm detail oriented and I inhale knowledge. I can't stand most movies or most shows, because I can't relate to the characters. I also don't depress easily, so I'm more than happy to talk about grim topics. I'm also face-blind while most people insist on communicating with body language. I'm out of the game before it even starts.

[@ladev91]

Even from this comment i can see your over labeling yourself and putting yourself in a box. This will cause you to feel alienated from others.

[@IIIISai]

Damn

[@Doni-sq3dm]

I am grateful for this video Cole, you happened to be one of the reasons for me to start spirituality. We move

[@ColeHastings]

Thank you for watching

[@danimaster6647]

In general the goal is to have a position of respect, no matter in what field it is. A lot of people (me but also other introverts) really made a step forward when they got respect in their jobs and had to learn how to talk in front of an audience or with important people. Respect gets reinforced and drifts to other areas of life. Let's face it: If you have to think about different tactics to be more natural in conversations you won't be relaxed when they come. Then also accepting that some conversations will be awkward and that is ok. You can't bond with everyone and in some situations you will feel anxious still (think about business meetings where you have to make a good impression).

[@gustavoatwa]

As I suffer from this and speak often about it with my psychologist I believe it is valid to point out that it is important to FIRST develop the mindset of dealing with wrongs as learning instead of failure when approaching girls (as suggested to do in the video) will most of the times ended up in rejections and this will cause your emotions, but without the mindset to approach it, feeling bad emotions can cause you to be actually less inclined to approach people as you will not feel that good about the result.

[@dennisg.8314]

almost every point is correct based on my experience. I really think your yt channel is a bless to alot of people out there.

[@donnybugger6032]

I have an even more red pilled take on this. How well you do socially highly depends on the halo effect. If people perceive you as high power, they make it easy for you to take charge and feel at ease, either through explicit or implicit cues.

[@sriram181]

about a week ago i had a random realisation that everybody has as much insecurities and things to worry about as i do and that has not only improved my social skills those improved couple months ago but it reduced my general stress and anxiety levels significantly

[@YHLGguitargeek]

See ive always kinda of understood that, and its made me nervous to talk to people because I dont want to be that random jackass that makes someone feel insecure by engaging them in a conversation they weren't expecting.

[@sriram181]

@@YHLGguitargeek I feel you bro

[@ajviespoli4666]

Its hard to swallow how many people struggle with this

[@rajpatelhome]

For all the dreamers out there, never quit. Keep going! Success is right around the corner let’s goooooo

[@fraserrory9765]

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[@LordOfDhara]

Cole you got me again. Thanks for the reminder. This shit is easy to forget over time with change. Had a convo today that flowed just like in the video. Just have to read the situation and match the energy reqiirement of the situation Hitting that redemption arc of my anime big shit coming

[@ColeHastings]

Let's gooooo redemption arc otw

[@LordOfDhara]

@@ColeHastings helllya

[@boblee3322]

I feel like I’ve personally been through quite a journey in terms of my social confidence. This video summed up my journey so accurately. Great video.

[@compuestobinario6190]

Thanks Cole, during the quarantine i shifted my KZbin algorythm into Social Skills videos thinking I could be a different person when it'd be over. Turns out I just became more awkward and made me worry so much about things that I would never know if I just didn't watch those kind of videos, like whothefuck cares if you're an Alpha or Beta male, you'll end up meeting good people that like you just the way you are someday

[@Cavegeckosol]

The way I see it, you don't "feel" rejected. You were rejected and you feel upset about it. Be clear with yourself about what has happened and what you are feeling. They are different things.

[@tipstops5306]

Why no one is talking about feeling uncomfortable or feeling stupid, when people don't reply or react back to your conversation, questions, statements or any joke you are putting in the group. Why it's a weird feeling of looking dumb of ourselves at the same time curious of why they haven't said or reacted anything😢

[@steelheadstalker]

What I did was picture myself just like everyone else does: I'm invisible. In high school, I was invisible to girls, now I'm 60 and I'm invisible to everyone.

[@sleverlight]

Me an introvert who isnt in the mood to socialize with people but when someone talks to me I do enjoy it

[@nastisali3854]

I thought I would be the only one.

[@MoonLeaf_RaquelLeBaudour]

I avoid trying new things; things I actually WANT to do-for fear of looking “stupid.” … I’d really love to get around this hang-up, so I can enjoy Life. 😒 Thanks! Great video! Speaks to me! 🍃🙏🏽🍃

[@coltenkelso5764]

Mindfulness meditation helps you get into this mindset. It completely makes you not give a fuck what others think of you and realizing everything for what it is.

[@ColeHastings]

Meditation has definitely helped me

[@coltenkelso5764]

@@ColeHastings I've had serious social anxiety my whole life. Always worrying what others think about me and trying to seek acceptance from others by being a people pleaser. But meditation has made me realize that what I think of myself is the most important and just being happy with myself.

[@Peanuts76]

@@coltenkelso5764 yes, mindfullness really slow our thoughts process

[@jbeezostl]

lack of fear of rejection and not afraid to say something stupid...so beat social anxiety by not having it? Got it!

[@SL-wt8fm]

Just

[@alvarotamayo4168]

This is probably my favorite video you’ve made

[@ColeHastings]

Thank you

[@romanmunter800]

I’ve also observed that when I’m actually excited to be there with that person, or something really good just happens in my day, it will really push me to be more talkative and put myself out there. Like for example I pass a really hard test, I get accepted at a job, or I get a new car, it can be anything like that, it really makes me joyful and happy, and motivated to talk.

[@Zetos]

You also really gotta drop the desire to make people like you. I know it sounds backwards as you're trying to make new friends, but the more you want someone to like you, the more awkward and fake you're gonna be. You gotta accept who you are and you will weed out the wrong people and start inviting in the right people. And this even includes that crush you might have, lol; there will be others.

[@Sun-God2]

When I'm socially anxious, I feel embarrassed about my conversations, so I get depressed, but this depressive phase makes me not care about anything, making me no longer anxious in conversations. Because of this depressive phase, I stop caring about others and my Anxiety decreases.

[@JackEdwardsthehair2610]

Cole mate, your videos lately have been superb and I find myself giggling multiple times during them. I appreciate your sense of humour and comedic effort, keep up the nice work my man!

[@Im1BossyChick]

That pic of Jeff Bezos has me cracking up! 😂😂😂

[@Mohamed123-osama.]

Thank you a lot, this was one of the best videos that helped me to overcome social anxiety because i am introvert

[@tomasdolezal8303]

One of the key things at least for me was to stop labelling myself as socially anxious. Yes, I might sometime have a weird interaction with a person, but that doesn't prove anything about my personality. I am a fact, not a compilation of traits.

[@leandganie7714]

And there are other times where you are not the one at fault, it’s the people around you that are toxic

[@shreyanschaplot8484]

I literally saw this video night before my offline College starts and I tried to appy some tips u mentioned. man ! I had such wonderful interactions with various people with different horizons , thank you Cole 😌

[@ColeHastings]

That is awesome! Glad I could help!

[@Bigshart410]

Bro, I learned so much about you than my private school. You literally are a mentor to every young generation people who wants real advice to be the best version of themselves.

[@listenjcleez]

honestly glad i subscribed to this page, so many gems

[@ColeHastings]

Really appreciate that!

[@MM-om4or]

Me too 😊 he's great

[@palace9774]

Best 11 minutes I have ever spent on KZbin. Thanks

[@ColeHastings]

Thanks for watching

[@thegreatgoddess9149]

The timing is spotting on for this video. This is still something I'm working on. Just yesterday I had to go back to work after working remotely for the past year and a half. I find myself still being socially awkward and playing in my head over and over again the conversations I've had with my coworkers...beating up myself and judging myself "I shouldn't have said this and that" or "I could have said this instead" or "they probably think I'm stupid and weird" 😅. I have to keep reminding myself that we're all just meatsacks on a floating rock in an infinite expansion of space. None of this will matter and I plan to quit soon 😊. Stay strong my extremely shy and socially anxious ppl

[@ChristopherDecker]

Wow I am blown away by your storytelling and teaching. Felt like you were talking directly to me. Thank you. As someone who's struggled with this my whole life, it's refreshing to see it so clearly articulated.

[@daddybruce8084]

Yo I loved that one. I'm currently reading the laws of human nature by robert greene and he has this law called "Law of self sabotage" and he talks about how you can change your circumstances by changing your attitude. So these mindset traits you shared make a person have a positive attitude which draws people in

[@brahseph2066]

Just gave my crush a ride home from school today 😅 i was so nervous but i thought back to one of your videos and it helped a lot. Thanks man

[@ColeHastings]

That is awesome dude

[@OurgasmComrade]

You can save hours of demoralizing frustration with social anxiety by working with a mental health counselor for fewer sessions rather than watching countless videos that aren't really getting you anywhere. Even if the counselling (by an actual professional) is free and online, it's much better than passive consumption of self help videos. Those professionals can help you directly work with your blindspots and won't try to upsell you with merch or Patreon subscriptions.

[@ColeHastings]

Agreed!

[@NicholasFrancoeur-tt7ed]

This is exactly what I’ve been going through for all my life. Everyone else looks so confident when you have social anxiety and I get the spotlight effect whenever I go in public. It’s terrible to live with

[@norafox2803]

I've had anxiety my entire life, and let me tell you I've found how to defeat it in its simplest form: How can I talk to strangers in the same careless manner that I talk to my mom and familiar family members. Once I noticed how differently I felt and behaved around unfamiliar people, that helped change my mindset

[@callbrin573]

I wanna say that for me my trick was before I said something I wasn't sure is stupid or not. I would make the situation a little funny and then after saying it I would wait and joke around with "Too Soon?" And laugh after. Works like a charm

[@ETBrooD]

You can learn to handle your anxiety by embracing your weaknesses as a part of yourself. You're in a situation where you look like an anxiety ridden fool? Ok, and? Every normal person experiences that. It won't make you lose social standing, in fact people can empathize with you better if you let them see your flaws. It can even trigger their inner good samaritan where they try to make you feel welcome and supported precisely because you're imperfect. Don't be afraid of requiring assistance. Everyone needs help.

[@EstebanCubanDance]

A tool you can use is to have rotative small talks with many people in the same enviorenment. Do not try to focus only on the girl you like, and instead practice your social skills with other people as well.

[@gingus_627]

Guts in the background 👌👌👌but fr I think anyone who is going through a hard time should try and read berserk

[@urrender1707]

Be like Guts, develop a guts training routine and create a guts build on Dark Souls and git gud, am I right🤣

[@Eliideli]

This was more than social anxiety and was displaying basically laws of socializing. These great point outs made me wish the video went of for so much longer

[@huntersmith8477]

The editing is on point my guy!🦅😵‍💫

[@ColeHastings]

Appreciate that

[@Icewind007]

I used to go brain lock all the time in social situations. It wasn't until I truly stopped caring that I could not only hold a conversation, but have confidence while doing it. But now I don't care about people and I might burn some a little too much.

[@ashleyjohnson9971]

Best advice on this topic that I've ever heard ❤️🔥

[@ColeHastings]

Thank you Ashley

[@ashleyjohnson9971]

@@ColeHastings you're welcome✨

[@Billmaster115]

This is actually something found in metaphysics. If you tell yourself you're in control, you'll believe you're in control. It's all to do with manipulation of your unconscious, as it can not distinguish thought from reality. So, really, a lot of the time, you can change your mood or emotions by using executive thought to sway your unconscious.

[@dualshock3]

9/10 times you get rejected because your face isn't good enough. The moment you have to try too hard, you already lost.. sounds harsh but that's the way it is with "chasing" women

[@babla69420]

That's why they say "increase ur value and decrease ur standards

[@dianalove539]

Yep

[@dualshock3]

​@@babla69420 Too bad I can't decrease the standards too much, since I still need to be able to perform sex on the girl.. 3/10 girls therefore don't work. -_-

[@Blasiondull]

and men

[@AQL91X]

Love this guy, I’m glad people like these exist

[@will.davlin]

Truthfully people just judge others off looks to much , good luck making friends past college and even there good luck lol

[@ColeHastings]

Not a good outlook to have

[@greekifreekifan870]

You don't put yourself out there that much do you?

[@will.davlin]

@@ColeHastings its not helpful but its basically true , 80 % of it is visual stuff the older you get

[@olegendario2517]

This guy just exposed what happened in the depths of my mind.

[@adaml7502]

Start small by acknowledging everyone you cross paths with a smile, "hi", or a compliment. Practice being that confident person you want to be

[@ashtonarrows1974]

"Don't have a fear of rejection." Thanks. That'll solve the 30 years of me being told I'm a worthless piece of crap and everyone looking at me like I disgust them.

[@SL-wt8fm]

You smelly