The Model Of Developmental Immaturity: Understanding Developmental Trauma and Recovery

[@landline516]

I have CPTSD. Until I could name it, I could not claim it. Now that I can claim it, I am healing it. South Pacific Private has enabled exponential healing with their videos. I can attest to the failure of decades of (multi) high dose antidepressants and therapy. Now that I understand that what I have is neurological and not chemical or psychological, I actually feel optimistic that I can experience balance and peace. Gratitude gratitude, gratitude to SPP.

[@carmenl163]

How can it not be psychological? We, humans, are rational, physical, psychological, emotional, and spiritual beings.

[@dandaniszewski2920]

61 years, and the lengths I have to go to find this info. I've tried to put it together on my own for years.

[@kathyhathaway3318]

These talks are incredible. I am an adult child of an alcoholic and have been in therapy for almost two years as well as attend ACOA meetings. It wasn't until I found all this information on Complex PTSD and my therapist did, I really start healing and it's been brutal at times. I don't have memories, but I have extreme nervousness and anxiety and body symptoms. I was told we just had depression and to take medication. God bless all the work you are doing because this was the missing piece for me!!!!!!!

[@quitetidy]

Concerning setting boundaries for children or even for a significant other, set a boundary first for yourself that allows you to distinguish between setting boundaries that cross over into an "over controlling environment". A good indicator that you're being over controlling with the boundaries is when you get angry over ***trivial*** things. Boundaries that protect a child from danger to himself or to other around him are not trivial. When a child forgets to remove his shoes when coming in from playing outside (despite your rule of no shoes in the house) becomes a source of anger, this can allow you to become too controlling as it's a trivial matter. It can apply in any case. If you're a person that is needs to control everything, you need to have grace an patience and really think it through when creating boundaries :) Great video!

[@arich20]

THANK YOU for this. I wish all therapists who list themselves as "trauma-informed" would be REALLY clear up front of they are trauma-TRAINED (it turns out those things are different, and I wasted about 16 years and a whole lot of money trying 10 different people before I found someone who could help me make some progress).

[@nowistime8070]

I discovered this with the trauma informed ministry services for housing. they cause trauma

[@Dawnseeker2000]

This was incredible. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

[@GloriaGarcia-ij3ec]

I have no words to thank for your wonderful lecture

[@heidic5404]

Thank you for talking about the awkward feelings that can pop up during recovery- that it can be an uncomfortable experience. The last therapist I saw gave me helpful tips but unfortunately gaslit me at times too (unintentionally I believe but it didn't help things). Kind of feel like I'm fluctuating between all three stages but I'll keep your advice in mind.

[@KoreaMojo]

You can't gaslight on accident. I wonder if they just assumed they understood incorrectly? Gaslighting is an intentional manipulation tactic to cause the target to doubt their memory and reality in order to cling to the abuser. Most often used by antisocial personality disorder identified people. You can manipulate without gaslighting but you can't gaslight without manipulating. Watch out for actual gaslighting but I don't know what you'd call what they did.

[@kirstinstrand6292]

Sadly, many therapists are inadequately trained. Go for 20 plus years experience.

[@kirstinstrand6292]

I just started listening. I like the direct, uncomplicated approach to "typical" families. I'm from a middle class home; both parents had college degrees, and loved the arts, yet they lacked parenting skills. Essentially, they created 4 chaotic human beings. And I, after a life time am still picking up the pieces. The other 3? They never tried. Edit: at 55 I had a brain aneurysm. I often wonder how my childhood affected my brain; fortunately, I survived, with physical disabilities.

[@TravellerDM007]

You are worthy of healing and valuable 'just as you are.' You are obviously on a healing path, to have posted this. You may also look at IFS therapy (Internal Family Systems), or another body centered therapy like Hakomi therapy. It very much depends on whether the people you are looking to help or inspire you heal -- have done enough of their own work and are skillful. I wish you much healing and well-being. And I am glad you survived having an aneurysm. (Sorry to hear about the physical disabilities; no shaming to mention, not all who have aneurysms survive! Very best wishes.). PS - I also like the work of Anna Runkle (crappychildhoodfairy.com/) and many others like Peter Levine, Janine Fischer, Bessel Van der Kolk.

[@littlemiss8867]

Thank you so much for posting these

[@SamSite33]

Wow ok, I had for gotten that AA was more about recovery then just staying away from alcohol . Thanks for the video

[@becky7921]

Insightful . Beautiful and guiding.Thank you.

[@Raminakai]

Thank- you for posting these!!!! God Bless❤️

[@SpiritualStuntman]

I'm so glad I found you guys. Thank you for helping me recover ❤️

[@SouthpacificprivateAu]

We're so glad too Matthew. Wishing you all the best!

[@melowndes]

This is a brilliant talk. Thank you so much. 💓

[@annyspb1]

This is tremendously helpful, as are the comments. Can I just add, who's the person giving the lecture? And are the tables available somewhere? (Online, or in books)

[@sanataj]

I came here via a gentleman on youtube named Marc Moïni. He has given credit to the lady who has devised the tables - Pia Mellody. The gentleman talking in the video is named at the beginning as Steve Stokes,. Marc also has his own website. He is a kind, compassionate survivor of childhood trauma. I believe that you can find the table in another video by Pia Mellody and I am sure she has written a book. There are other names mentioned by both Steve Stokes and Marc Moini, such as Peter Levine and Dr Dan Seigel, Pat Ogden, Steven Porges and Marc mentioned Allce Milller.

[@lynnettedelgadoNYC]

Steve Stokes presents another lecture: Complex PTSD. His compassion and mastery of the body of research is validating and embracing. Attached to that video were the presentation notes and slides. I believe these resources are also available on the website mentioned in both videos.

[@TravellerDM007]

@@lynnettedelgadoNYC Please GIVE THE LINK if you can. Thank you.

[@landline516]

@@TravellerDM007 It's 5 months later but here it is. kzbin.info/www/bejne/bKTFinyBeJxgitk

[@robynalice879]

I don't comprehend why, but 3yrs into recovery and I'm still the "Wounded Child..." It's as if my mind refuses to be left alone, even once more. I've spent up to 10 days sleeping in spurts, all because of incessant vomiting, and ending up in the ER with dangerously low blood sugar/near diabetic comatose for an extra 8 or 9 days.. What the living hell is wrong with me, sir?

[@HelenMurray00]

Have you pulled through?

[@robynalice879]

@@HelenMurray00 You're very sweet to ask. Honestly, I have ups & downs; unfortunately though, I've been having a "down" month or so.. but I'm coping, and knowing even a stranger like yourself cares helps me that much more. I swear. Thank you. Seriously. 💕

[@HelenMurray00]

@@robynalice879 keep going x ❤️

[@robynalice879]

@@HelenMurray00 I will... You have my word, sir. Thank you so much. xo 💕

[@southernbawselady7092]

@Robyn - I hope you are doing better! I feel your pain! 😢 What helped me was learning about (cPTSD) Complex PTSD Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) Also ECHOIST A great website is parenting.exposed I was the Scapegoat of the family and now everything makes sense. It was NEVER me...It was my "parents" Wishing you well on your journey to discovering your real beautiful self!

[@timpostle3969]

Really helpful overview, thanks Steve Stokes

[@cyndimoring9389]

my ex's daughter came to live with us at age 18 after spending her childhood being neglected by a sick parent in a hoarder house. We took her to a therapist who pegged her emotionally at about age 13.

[@oppressednolonger1497]

how is she faring?

[@cyndimoring9389]

@@oppressednolonger1497 thank you for asking. Her father asked her to leave about 2 months afterwards for not wanting to work. She returned to live with us for another couple of months after needing emergency wisdom tooth surgery she had refused for years. The day he put her out again was the day I left him. She's now 24 & off pot but since shedropped out of hs, she is working in the mall. She's still kind of in the daydreaming stage of figuring out what to do with her life, just like if you were about 17, 18. Also lives with a bf for help financially. Her 3rd one since she left home. She sees them as roommates who she can trust. Already adopted 2 dogs and 2 cats. Her parent had been a cat hoarder.

[@kirstinstrand6292]

One of the very best.

[@malemaline]

Can you teach these skills to esteem from within?

[@kirstinstrand6292]

I think so...I've been treating myself many years. I have maybe 12 hour episodes, occasionally now. Lack of good sleep makes me vulnerable to crashing. (Temporary dissociative lock up.) Look into Polyvagal Theory; it describes daily functioning. Clarifies 3 stages that feel absolutely true. Best Wishes to betterment .

[@karimaais820]

Very instructive we’ll explained video thank you for your efforts

[@draapulus]

53:52 What are "SUDS" ?

[@joewilson9361]

Probably a reference to the subjective units of distress scale.

[@malemaline]

I feel like I need a book on life skills

[@robynalice879]

6:10 _If you call a child Maverick, you sort of had it coming, but--_ My my lord, my heart. 😂❣

[@meiwang9765]

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[@meiwang9765]

Eotrriyryriitirii

[@meiwang9765]

Hi am just oppoupgpvohhpobbbvvvvvvvvdvvvvvvvvbvvbvvvvioouoouououoioooooouuuool Oiii Or pituitary Oo Juluan’s Uioiyruuoiribully

[@meiwang9765]

Pity ty

[@robynalice879]

@@meiwang9765 are you feeling alright??

[@annaynely]

The wisdom of sociology. Sam Richards. Tedx Talks.

[@gabrielakessler5116]

Thank you very much for this contribution. Sometimes a bit to fast speech for not english native speakers.

[@iancamp4955]

In the settings (lower right of the video), there is a speed adjustment. It does however change the "texture" of the delivery slightly.

[@DavidCooper-dm9cz]

Slow down the video to speed that u need to understand I’d say about 25% and you should right where you need it at...

[@MattSmithTOFY]

You can also turn subtitles/captions on. That should help a bit, as well.

[@No-nl8jn]

This is true, but it takes about 15-25 years for a trauma hit person to recower and becom a truly healty adult person, and it is ONLY a few that makes it, even whit professionel Help.... you need alot og different kind of terapy for YEARS !!!!

[@infiniLor]

I can attest to that! About 45 effing years of therapies.... little bits of "progress" here and there, but nothing changing my life, still depressed, life is cruel and pointless, still cowing in paralytic terror of conflict, psycho-magnet, suicidal, still f'd up, etc. I mean, the only mature thing to do at this point is finally admit that nothing is going to change and I should just give up for real.

[@debbiegoldman9327]

@@infiniLor the process is so difficult! Painful. Confusing. Heard an analogy - like a seed I have felt the darkness of the unknown, the claustrophobia of being in a space I did not understand, the anxiety of being in a space I did not feel I had chosen. The shell cracks open and what feels like complete destruction is the beginning of the unimaginable process of breaking through the dirt. “As a seed buried in the earth cannot imagine itself as an orchid or hyacinth, neither can a heart packed with hurt imagine itself lived or at peace. “ mark nepo I find it helpful to listen people who understand and who have been there and share their wisdom and support . ( Peter Levine, Kristen Neth , Brene Brown . Music of Karen Drucker) Those who can remind us that we have inherent value and we are more than our experiences.

[@ChadElk88]

I don't know what's going on in the background but I stopped at 2:00 because it's too obnoxious.

[@mangos2888]

Your loss. Before the 7 minute mark it was gone

[@elipotter369]

You can minimise the picture to the bottom of the screen, and listen without looking.

[@cjusa4115]

@@elipotter369 this is priceless..I wish my parents would care enough to listen. Or my grown children. I also think I may die soon of sepsis but no one cares. At least God knows.

[@delphinium5555]

@@cjusa4115 sending care and hope you are okay. It's a long journey to recovery but wishing you well.

[@mares3841]

Thanks

[@elsewherehouse]

✔️ ✔️ ✔️ ✔️

[@annaynely]

Structural Violence. Circular causality.

[@savagebunny1440]

👍

[@melk.3485]

39:54

[@SmallbiznTX]

So having a child in therapy at an early age and being supportive and nurturing to find out that at age 20, it is our fault that she is immature and our fault she did drugs? I like the info, but to blame the parents who are involved because they didn't always say the exact right thing that a highly sensitive person needed to hear means they are traumatized?

[@capgains]

I mean how much better are those doing without these issues?

[@kirstinstrand6292]

Probably a lot. Healthy parents create heathy children who can function ok+ in adulthood.

[@ameliarbaldwin1402]

Need something. Shame is going to heal me, healthy shame

[@robinr6919]

You record this with a tin can and a shoestring?

[@jillsmcfarland2001]

Last one was an echo chamber

[@ChrisSargent-f5j]

Walker Jessica Martin Thomas Johnson Mary

[@tmking7483]

Omg generations dependent in SSRIs. Do u realuze that every mass shooter was on SSRIs and when they tried to go off _ they went off at the kindergarden or movie theater.

[@carolgerber6375]

Trump is perfectly imperfect? Hitler is perfectly imperfect? This phrase needs qualifiers.

[@tmking7483]

I had to survive by acting stupid so my parents didnt get jealous of my intelligence and hurt me. Your models are a bit off _ maybe allow for offset

[@carolgerber6375]

The um, um, uh, uhs, stuttering is so distracting. It is difficult to listen to. Good content tho.

[@tmking7483]

Shame reduction for having a brain

[@ravenblack942]

44:00