The Narcissist's Lack Of Wisdom, And Your Reaction To It

[@nacarreira777]

I've exploded, withdrew, cried....Now that I have lowered my expectations of him and started reaching out to friends and family I feel much calmer.

[@polskigirl8547]

At the end of our marriage my ex narc was so uncomfortable being around me.....he knew internally I was figuring things out...knowledge and wisdom is power...

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Absolutely! Dr. C

[@Texasborn99]

Me too.

[@biancavonmuhlendorf2608]

They run if you figure things out and understand it fully.

[@darrow3065]

Good! Hope you have peace now.

[@BritishJamaican777]

Same with the narc ex I went NC with him in this February. He kept avoiding me and spending time with me as he knew I had figured him out and may start to ask questions face-to-face. I didnt feel good about it, but my reasoning is, if he doesnt respect me enough to spend time with and talk to me, I dont owe him an explanation as to 'why' I called it off. Play them at their own game and see them crumble. I'm happier now, but still getting over it and these videos help as well as doing Inner Child Healing Therapy which I found was the reason I was attracted to narcs and their pity ploys in the first place. Healing to all xx

[@loveall2900]

I learn and gain lot from people's comments 👍👍👍

[@kensyskye8965]

love all me too.....I love reading other people’s experiences as one of the most beneficial things for me is knowing we are not alone.....🙏🏼❤️

[@desertgirlwarrior1921]

100% agree!!👏👍❤️

[@freetobemekelly8783]

The best thing about their lack of wisdom is how predictable it makes them, once you realize what you’re dealing with.

[@kevindavis1281]

The lack of wisdom (foresight) drove me nuts. Stuck in a hamster wheel comes to mind. This shows how they stopped developing at some point in their life while others kept moving along. All of a sudden you are teaching (raising) them on how to progress. Little did I know this person had no desire to progress (grow up!). They will never communicate that they already know this. Thanks for this, Doc!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're welcome. Dr. C

[@lorrainem8234]

That's exactly it - they're stuck at 8yo or 9yo or whatever age at which their trauma occurred. Hell, some people seem like they're stuck at 2 or 3, except that they are potty trained. As you said, the narcissist has to be honest with himself about being stuck and be willing to learn how to move forward in a healthy manner. But what I've noticed with the narcissists in my life, they know how to behave healthily " in certain situations in order to preserve their image with co-workers, friends, etc. To me, narcissism isn't always an inability to behave healthily, but an unwillingness to behave healthily in certain situations. Is this a certain "flavor" of narcissism?

[@lorrainem8234]

@reh heh Thank you 😙I'm sorry you're dealing with this, too. When I was looking up information about how to deal with a family member who had alleged repeated, sexual abuse (incest 😔), one clinician said that people who have been traumatized like this get emotionally "stuck" at the age at which their trauma occurred. Made complete sense in my situation, but this person will only acknowledge the trauma (probably because this person didn't cause it), but this person will not acknowledge the need for help to repair and move forward. "Helpless and hopeless" seems to be this person's motto 😔

[@dinxie8221]

Holy S*^t!!!! Been watching SO many of these…I’m sick to my stomach. I have been bamboozled by this psycho… OMG lord give me strength to divorce this fool without too many problems! I need to become the covert codependent ASAP! 22 years of this BS… I’m floored right now b/c I just believed after a while he was some type of mentally challenged cro magnon man who just happened to be a dentist! He definitely missed the common sense & wisdom branches on the way down but hit stupid too many times to count! Wow… deep breaths deeeep breaths!!

[@colleenkaralee2280]

I get what you are saying. I've had some great therapy and made progress towards resolving my hatred of the creator of this universe set and I find I more enjoy being around people I can reason with - we can reason together. I so want to have a companion to share this nirvanic journey with me and I can be desperately delusional and then impatient lacking compassion for those who disappoint me, but then again this is part of the journey, being able to harmonize with all types and at the same time see minds for what they are .... innocent as a dove and wise as a serpent.

[@moonbuilder]

1. Wise people employ patience. 2. Wise people employ empathy. 3. Wise people use contemplative thinking. 4. Wise people are more than their beliefs.

[@likeworldlikeworld2485]

IN RESPONSE TO moonbuilder (in case youtube is not telling u any more). So is it the lack of these 4 things that is =the narcissist? Ie, does not necesarily include any hurtful intent.

[@knowledgeapplied]

5. Wise people are modest... narcissists are not.

[@kevinkelley3657]

They have no real love, so once we have identified this, usually after decades of abuse, why should we owe them ANYTHING???

[@likeworldlikeworld2485]

@@kevinkelley3657 so dogs are better than them?

[@suahelifan1]

@@kevinkelley3657 - We do owe them nothing, but he came back to me (15 years after our devorce) and lately asked me: "Will you care for me soon when I am blind and old ... ? I did not say "Yes", because I should save my compassion to help people, who are in real need. Kind regards from Anne in Germany ;-)

[@kinesis4868]

Your right, they can’t be won by logical, ethical arguments. Their opinion is all that matters and having people agree with them & being right is the only goal in mind. There’s no capacity for growth or wisdom because they don’t observe with the intention of learning, only furthering their ego serving agenda. The saddest thing is trying to converse with a narcissistic family member because it’s a one way “conversation”, a term I use lightly, more a pure motion to dismiss your side of the conversation at every turn as they tell you what to think. It scares me that these people can be and will be doctors, judges, police men, prosecutors, dentists ... parents! To me they lack what is fundamental to being human beyond flesh and bone and if they can be avoided they should be.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Sad but true. Dr. C

[@daisy245]

Excellent observations, LouLou! Bravo.

[@homeslice2487]

YES! YOU SEE IT TOO!! YES! BTW you are beautiful inside and out! Have an awesome day!!

[@hourglassesandphatasses]

What shocks me most is just how common these personalities are. On varying scales of severity, but the worst cases are all so alike in how they think and behave I often confuse their names and faces with each other. Same old tricks to undermine others, same old self-centredness (especially when it comes to conversation. You are just a mirror to reflect, don't expect open discussion because it's ALWAYS going to be ALL about THEM), same old temperaments, same old mood swings to get their way, same old lies while they expect full truth from you (the opaque demanding transparency), same old pettiness, same old condescension, same old mind games.

[@jacquelinem1960]

@@hourglassesandphatasses Same old , same old. Trying to divorce mine. Still playing mind games, still wanting to control things , especially as I'm divorcing him. I have to try not to react and arrange a hit man to deal with him! It's so tempting!! It is nigh impossible to deal with him as his reality is not mine.

[@carolloraine223]

Not wasting time or energy on toxic people. No Contact guarantees I never have to explain or Try to "handle" them in any way shape or form!!

[@cherylmcneely9141]

Carol, I second that! I don't have any "education" in this field other than a lifetime of living with narcs. This advice, while excellent when dealing with your average person or a very boarder line narc does nothing but cause more guilt and self condemnation that "we are not doing it right" with our narc relationships.

[@cherylmcneely9141]

@iron monkey I have experienced that myself many times. When we find they do not want to change their ridiculous behavior it will not help to stick around. We can not bring them up, they will always bring us down. No contact whenever possible is the best.

[@AG-mb7wl]

That isn't always an option. I was raised by a narcissist; there was no "escaping"until I turned 18. I now have been working for a narcissistic boss, of a very small company, for 3 years. With ever rising rent, the cost of health insurance, co- pays, what the insurance doesn't cover and the ever rising cost of living I can't afford to make any less than I currently do. I am making more money per hour than i have ever made in my life. With only an associate's degree (in psychology; I couldn't afford the student loans etc. to finish my degrees) i don't qualify for much other than basic office or basic manufacturing jobs. I have been searching for other jobs on my own & via agencies for 2 years; nothing has come up making anything near what I'm making now. No contact is NOT always an option. Just to be clear, I live a very simple life, use coupons as much as possible, have had the same car for 15 years, live alone, don't travel, don't purchase entertainment (outside or inside) other than Netflix, I don't over buy food or clothes[once a year (or even two years) new sweat pants, t-shirts, jeans] or anything for that matter... My biggest expense is food, litter and once a year shots for my beloved feline.

[@carolloraine223]

Angelique Gentile I understand and speaking from my experience. Thanks for dropping by.😉

[@carolloraine223]

Angelique Gentile One thing you might consider...have a plan....visit with someone who you trust and do what you can to get out of your situation. Your health and well being are at stake. Wishing you all the best! 😉

[@IzabelaWaniek-i1x]

Life is a long game and the choices and decisions we make should be done with that perspective in mind. It’s wise to live your life with integrity and authenticity. Thank you dr Carter.

[@heatherg6939]

I’m guilty of not using wisdom at times. Usually after my narcissist starts gaslighting me.

[@suzesinger6762]

It will come,Hunny. Xx Pursue it. ♡♡😉

[@Goldgirl1020]

They good at it though, so slyband subtle. We often don’t realise til we leave just how much gas lighting there was if any. I know I was gas lit because I was often confused but I’ve had to think hard of examples.

[@CompostWatcher]

Around 7.09, the doc asked about our reaction to the narc not having wisdom. He tells us that we may set aside our wisdom.

[@jondough679]

If you even feel you might be being gaslighted you NEED to get away no contact ASAP always trust your gut and go on the balance of facts but GET AWAY

[@heatherg6939]

Educate cluster b it’s my FATHER.

[@Jettingred4]

Holy crap! This is absolutely spot on! I thought I was losing my mind all this time. It is EXACTLY like dealing with a child!

[@anubis1949]

Don't feel bad they're really hurting inside

[@susanaune3166]

You are right on!! He was always right if not hed sulk pout or get mad..its worse than dealing with a bad child...because they are adults ...he never enjoyed a holiday or birthdays other than his ...he put a kibosh on anything happy and fun....they are so self centred and controlling because they cant stand ANYONES happiness!!!

[@HISIAM888RUHIS888]

Susan!! This is the Truest Statement Evrr!! They Enjoy your Pain!.. Especially if you’re having a Happy Moment!!..Sick! In the Head &!l Heart!!😭Pray for them!! “Narcissism is like an Insidious Disease!” .. Destroys Relationshios & Every “Good Thing!!” 🙏🙏🙏

[@suzesinger6762]

@@HISIAM888RUHIS888 ...AAAAAMEEEN ¡¿¡♡♡😉😇😁

[@angel4animals956]

So true that narc's hate to see fun or happiness enjoyed by others, b/c they are jealous that they can't be happy or enjoy a good/fun time themselves! My Dad always reacts with jealous anger when my Mom & I laugh & have a great time together...& every time we try to include him into sharing our happiness & fun w/us--despite the fact we know better after decades of knowing everything about him & his narcissistic mental illness--we regret it, b/c he spoils ANY fun & ALL positivity around him, b/c again, he's too damaged & depressed to enjoy even the nicest of days with the most loving of families. Btw, WE are truly an extremely loving family, which i'm very grateful for, b/c my other family members give me enough love to make up for the lack of love f/him.

[@susanaune3166]

campbell beautiful!! Thank you and Blessings to you and your family!!!

[@angel4animals956]

Blessings to u & your loved ones as well, Miss Susan! Hope u have a wonderful Thanksgiving & holiday season overall, & i'm sending u (thru the internet) lots of best wishes for your best new year yet in 2019!

[@universalhybrids]

Thank you so very much for your supporting videos. I am no longer anyone’s victim and I retained my empathic heart and soul.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Excellent! Thanks for these thoughts. Dr. C

[@Convoluted-and-Exiled]

I'm so glad for you that you've retained your empathic heart and soul. (Truly beautiful to me; all things considered) Please know this one is sending well wishes and positive vibes! Relieved for your freedom and that these videos are helping you on the mend.

[@un-diluted7444]

well said and well done - keep yr heart. that is wisdom.

[@Dastardly_X]

👍

[@polskigirl8547]

Hoping that I have not lost mine....working thru those after affect emotions....no longer married to the Narc...that was the first best decision....

[@marcwilson368]

During one of my narc father's many monologues he stated that "He knows more than me, my brother and sister combined!" I really had to work hard at not laughing in his face. I usually just nod and wave these days, I don't care what he thinks because he's proven to be a liar, unreliable and an emotional abuser.

[@Libra_Girl.]

You cant teach them anything or impart any wisdom because they know everything. He was the smartest, wisest man on the planet and I was stupid. That's just the reality of it.

[@twopurringcats]

My parents, both narcs, are intellectuals/professionals but both lack self awareness. All that matters to them now in old age is getting others to do things for them. Things they both can do for themselves. Their over the top entitlement issues are so strong that people (me included) end up shying away in the end. So mom is eternally looking for new supply..it's an obsession to her.

[@heatherwells3525]

Yes, Narcissists always have to be right even when you show them the facts and the truth.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

It's maddening. Dr. C

[@worldatwardan]

I have a problem with a narcissistic spiritual leader. They are so used to controlling people and not having people say No. I spotted the 3 trigger control switches and removed them. I removed myself from their control but quietly. Now this person does not know how to respond. But I trust in God to deliver me. He always does.

[@identification133]

Thank you Dr. Carter - no matter how old we get, we should all slow down and think, or listen to someone with a different perspective.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yes! Dr. C

[@dinky-diridgy-didge636]

I pretty much achieve whatever I set out to do, feels like the hunger games here, hurdles everywhere. I think what annoys them the most is I just don't give up. I'm on a mission it's taking longer than I'd like but I'm learning to overcome difficulties and do and think and work around obstacles. Everyday they see me positive and happy, everyday they working to destroy that.

[@hisnewlife3543]

My narcissist ex husband even tells people that he is a Psychologist, even though he only ever majored in psychology in the 70s. I saw his transcript one day and he got Cs, Ds and Fs. I dont think he even graduated with those grades and yet he is a Psychologist and gives out diagnosis to people all the time, including calling me a Covert Narcissist. He didn't even know that they have the DSM-V now. Im just an artist and I knew that!

[@Josh-pe5pl]

My Narc is definitely not wise, and your explanation confirmed my theory.

[@LuanaKoch]

I hope one day it s not yours anymore, just because you deserve better...

[@lisagreenfield767]

Yea and they become livid when their victims do get wise to what they do.

[@ryanfoothills6059]

One interesting thing I've noticed is that Narcissists have these rules for others. "These are the rules and you need to follow them." But the rules, either that exist or that they've made up, don't apply to them.

[@francinesmith8109]

They always have fake made up rules you have to follow. You won't know you broke a rule til you actually do.

[@fastersflorida]

They have Zero compassion !! I know this !!

[@amyjkr]

I’d like to know if anybody else feels like one of the things the narc uses them for was their wisdom and empathy. My estranged narc would take me on his business meetings and seminars all the time. I noticed how he would watch my natural ability to “see” people and connect with them. I think it made him jealous, but at the same time he gained business from my ability to gather people and really listen. I think he knew his own deficiency and I was a good source to prey on and keep around because I did what he couldn’t. Of course, he would eventually simmer with jealousy and then smear me to the very people I connected him to. So pathetic.

[@daringgreatly8473]

Honestly this is fresh content. I’ve never heard this before but it’s so true! No wonder my hubby didn’t get his needs met growing up. Narcissists don’t see layers, ask deeper questions or notice if something else might be going on. It leaves those in relationships with them feeling alone and ignored. I learned a lot. This could also be another indicator that someone is a Narcissists (gathering as many red flags as I can 😂).

[@lane6216]

Real Human Being, you hit the nail on the head for me. My mother was one and I married a man who’s mother was one. Ugh. I finally figured it out, and he did too, and we are now living authentic and free lives. Trying to raise our boys to understand the world around them and to avoid the pitfalls we fell into. Growing up that way is its own kind of hell.

[@lane6216]

@Real Human Being, same here!! Most of the issues we faced growing up were of her own making. And, she was always switching up the roles to keep us all confused and disoriented. Sometimes she was the mother, and was very overbearing and controlling and abusive; other times I was expected to be the mother, but to be kind and listen to her issues and give her advice. It was a very crazy-making way to grow up. I have learned so much since then. I just wish I had learned it sooner. Of course, if we're wishing things, I wish I hadn't been raised that way at all. Trying to make it better for my own sweet sons. :)

[@lane6216]

Real Human Being, very similar experience for me as well. My mother has chosen to shun me since 2006, as I left her religion. My husband’s parents will only include us in family activities if we play the game. We have refused, so we’re out. It’s been such a huge blessing that we don’t have them keeping us stuck in their fog anymore. Our minds are clear and we’re healing everyday. I hope you have a wonderful weekend as well. :)

[@Goldgirl1020]

Daring Greatly84 they’ll tell you your deep (at the beginning) and be in awe of you. I realise now that’s because they can’t actually get there themselves.

[@pachamama8586]

@@lane6216 Spot on, especially on the *I love you* (although you are such an impossible child). Thank you for sharing and all the best!!

[@Deepintent]

Watching a narc in action is like being in the movie Groundhog Day - but without the self- improvement.

[@dsmusicbird]

Lack of wisdom...common sense...good judgement...discernment...common courtesy...decency...thoughtfulness...kindness...genuinity...depth...perception...logic...and so on..........!

[@shellymichelle2719]

dsmusicbird warmth be missing too :)

[@princemateosparta5882]

Narc is like a curse 🤷🏽‍♂️

[@daniellelichtblau5340]

Defective

[@cyndimoring9389]

I spent years trying to talk about ground rules for fair fighting, handling disagreements with respect, so we could get to the root of the disagreement and settle it quickly. After all my efforts, he still said his temper tantrums were all about 'defending himself'. Another thing he complained of when we disagreed was how I went 'on and on' about something. Well, I was trying to settle some recurring things once and for all. He figured an apology should end the conversation, even when he continued to do the same thing again and again that started the disagreements.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Next week's video will be about arguing fairly, so stay tuned. (Hint: don't expect the N to join you in the fair part). Dr. C

[@SheLikesSteel]

Empathy??? Haha! My narcissist developed a perforated bowel. I spent 10 days with him in the hospital. When I had a serious health issue I heard him tell the doctor about what I had done, and that he would never stay in a hospital with me like that.

[@suzesinger6762]

Narcs...are threatened...when you apply wisdom.😉😇😊😎

[@heidiaguilar1257]

Yes.

[@colleenkaralee2280]

Boy, you said it - I kept getting to more simple truths and he kept getting more complicated solutions.

[@geminisun12]

So true! This reminds me of my ex-friend who I diagnosed as an overt narcissist.....lol. When you have a conversation with him and voice your opinion on the subject he immediately replies with a “NO!!!!!”.....and then gives his two cents worth which is really the only correct reply. This would drive me crazy. He would correct any bad grammar as well......it never ends.

[@torrihoward9729]

My ex used to say Listen, Listen! Until you'd be quiet and act like you're interested in him finish what he says so he'll be quiet but he'll just talk even more and about nothing 😁

[@Texasborn99]

Mine would interrupt and say why are u crossing your arms when talking? ????? Then I would have to stop and explain that. I knew he was manupulating

[@geminisun12]

Taurusgirl they’re a bunch of losers.

[@geminisun12]

Torri Howard right.....about nothing.

[@opeygirl2]

Thank you so much for confirming something in this statement. I don't know what the heck it is but every single word out of his mouth in the beginning of any conversation is always no no no. Then he will repeat exactly what I said because it has to be stated in his language. Even though it is exactly the point I just made it is insane I finally told him I am so sick of your know at the beginning of every conversation I could gag. Once he heard that he ran with it like wildfire and took total advantage of it to make sure he always always uses the first phrase no no matter what I say. It is his way of discredited me before I even get a chance to finish my sentence!! These people are some of the most backwards insane freaks I've ever dealt with in my life!!!!!! Just that one statement alone he knows totally exhaust me as there's no winning anyway you look at it with them!!!!

[@wallymarcel1]

My wisdom here is simply to get rid of them as fast as is humanly possible. I have never once regretted doing this.

[@wanderer0617]

How I would've loved to have had this advice a year ago. I haven't seen him in a year and still not over it. But just couldn't handle draining myself dealing with his outburts. I'm an empath but he brought out the worst in me towards the end. I pushed back, stood up for myself but then ended up exhausting myself trying to cater or prevent what he was going to disapprove. Working to get my sense of self back. Oddly I still feel love for him. Crazy Thanks so much Dr Carter!

[@paula9197]

Out of interest, did the outbursts occur early on? Or after some time, when he started letting his guard down?

[@jenvaughn2038]

Well I know that feeling. you meant it when you said you loved him. You cant just turn love off like a faucet. So no your not crazy

[@georgejetson9801]

Great topic! The narc I was with truly didn't care what I thought or had to say at all. I was like a little annoying gnat with my needs. How dare I have any at all as my job was to cater to his and entertain him. I learned to just shut up and never ask for anything. The slightest suggestion that I might not like something, he would either just put his headphones on and tune me out and ignore me or twist it back well you did this one thing 10 years ago to the point where I was crying and apologising to him. The narc truly doesn't care about anyone other than what use they are to them.

[@rebekahschiferl4324]

Thank you for all of your insight and wisdom! I love this video so much! I was raised by 2 narcissistic parental figures. I was the scapegoat of my family. I did not know the correct name for my experience as child and even as adult, until recently. When I finally had a name for it, the light bulb went off and I finally felt at peace. Since then, I have been working on my boundaries and how I interact with both of the narcissists in my life. It’s been an incredible journey. I’m so happy I finally have the answers I have needed since I was a child. Life is much better and more promising . Thank you, again. Your videos are so helpful and greatly appreciated.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thank you! Dr. C

[@Texasborn99]

Yay

[@ROSS4422]

Thanks for sharing, Rebekah. My experience mirrors yours, however my light bulb is just going off now. I totally relate to it being an incredible journey. It's been overwhelming lately to finish the puzzle and arrive at a time of action. It helps so much to hear you tell that there is some joy and peace possible after a lifetime largely lacking both.

[@andrewwritesel1585]

"Wisdom is the BEST detective"

[@clairechapin6901]

My husband turns everything into blaming. If I mention any problem he believes I am placing blame on him. I don't it's just trying to find a solution. He also ignores any input I have. It's like he dismisses what I say. He has also a need to know everything I do. If he is awake I have to be awake. If I'm not up and being where he can see me he keeps hounding me. But, when I'm up he ignores me. It's driving me crazy. I honestly can't figure out what he wants from me. I do know he needs me to be in constant agreement with him in all things. It's the only way he be happy with me. Thank you again for sharing your thoughts and thank you dr. Carter for your great insight.

[@LoveYou-le3yg]

The validation of always having to say “your always right” he loves that from me and my son. I wish I knew about this yrs ago.

[@jamesgeist9535]

I've been binge watching videos on NBD for two years now. My Narc is finally in the discard faze. I'm continuing to learn. Learning is now about my recovery and no longer no longer about fixing the Narc. This particular topic is spot on.

[@uncleclaw171]

Great topic! ....and masterfully presented, as usual. Thanks for covering this - I dont think I have seen this clarification elsewhere. This so describes my covert NF. Yes, he NEVER factors-in extenuating circumstances and NEEDS to punish people for prioritizing urgent work (or a child being sick, etc.) over a social visit with his eminence. He just doesnt seem to care or give it a thought -- HE MUST be put first in your life. He is pathologically incapable of ever admitting fault (always has to be right, even when he knows he is wrong -- which is why he lies and gaslights); always has to be "superior" to his kids, even though he is a retired construction worker and his kids have master degrees. He still, somehow, knows better -- even though his positions/opinions are ridiculous and demonstrate ignorance of the subject at hand. It would be hilarious if he wasnt so abusive.

[@janedough2492]

True for the jackass narcissist!

[@woman.who.dreams]

Some days ago I had a frontal crash with a narcissist who was agressively abusing and attacking someone else in front of children and families in a restaurant. I knew beforehand that person had a patronizing style, but I saw her in all her splendor, raging like a terrible monster, and it was only then that I realised I was wasting my time with a narcissist. I'm still trying to recover from such a disgusting experience :(( Dr. Carter, these people shouldn't have children, poor creatures.

[@christinemiller6566]

Don't even try to show them an easier way of doing something to save time. That was my only intent. Here comes the narcissistic rage, so frustrating. 55 year old child man. I won't make that mistake again. Thank you so much! 🍂🍁

[@laurawilliams4034]

Christine Miller Haha. So true Has ya like they’re all brothers from a different mother. This is first year in 27 yrs we actually put Christmas 🎄 tree up w/o drama I do all physical labor around our house. It never occurs to him to look for something to fix or do. But he still reminds me that he is still paying off bill from when I went thru the sheet rock in our attic and had to get stitches on leg putting up Xmas stuff He woulda gone into total distress mode screaming bloody murder. He got fired once and he had to take Valium and a blanket cuz he was shaking so much An odd reaction I thought even if he was blindsided and not deserving of it

[@cheikhhmayadi9205]

I had been trying much times to be wise and logical with them. They don't respond though, every conversation I had with them was extremely hostile because they made me pissed off during the conversations. They don't hesitate to show people that what they think it true and nobody is reasonable than them. Recently one narcissist ex friend told my friend that he defeated me in a conversation I had with him. It is not true because I proved him in that conversation that he is a liar and a psychopath I defeated him by the reality. By the way Narcissists prefer the fiction rather than the reality .

[@iwantthetruthandnothingbut6521]

Narcissists have to prove they are right and others are wrong... Don't be a narcissist...

[@mikeries8549]

When you're standing there with evidence of a past lie and confront the narc liar AND THEN THEY LIE TO YOU SOME MORE.

[@rebellucy5610]

Any serious conversation becomes difficult because a narc will NOT listen.

[@jondough679]

You did not defeat him you gave him fuel you lost sorry. You were trolled.

[@cheikhhmayadi9205]

@@jondough679 Why

[@TheMandybug]

Thank you so much for your videos, I am learning so much about how to navigate life with a narcissist. Obviously it is not going well, but I am finding myself again and I am taking back what I never should have given up. I've spent 16 years defending myself, my feelings, my rights all while my boundaries were ignored, or trampled down. I always thought if I could only do better, never realizing that even if I was perfect he would still find something wrong. In some ways it is better because I finally recognize it isn't me and I don't have to apologize or feel bad for being me. The anger, tantrums, silent treatment don't have the same effect anymore. I'm pretty sure I am not far from the final and ultimate discard, but I am preparing thanks to what I have learned.

[@Texasborn99]

Be strong God bless

[@tconroymusic]

Everytime I figured out a “secret” or a part of the “shadow”, he was at first calmly in denial. When I would not let him weasel out of the covert behavior, he would become enraged.

[@reformationtoday]

It's true that Narcisists lack wisdom, but they appear to be wise and they always try to prove that they are wise. Even though they lack wisdom, they try to victimize others by hook or crook and make others to get panic and function out or control. They're wise enough to push others to become unstable. It takes more wisdom to handle Narcisists because you don't how they behave in any given situation and you can't judge how they will change when you try to handle them. They also lack emotional intelligence, but they know how to make their victim to become emotionally unstable. Be watchful. Keep looking unto God for momentary wisdom. Depend on the GRACE of God to have self-control. Be flexible to change your approaches every time depending on the situation.

[@jemgem9593]

You're the best Les. Thank you

[@pamelapap]

My narc husband told me past two arguments not to cry. Last one I said no I will cry because this is sad how a simple conversation turns this way then when I ask him he said he doesn’t like how seeing me cry makes HIM feel. I just shook my head, even my crying he turned it about himself.

[@thekrrib]

I had a situation just today with the N where this can be applied. I always doubt myself and feel like a crazy person after speaking with him, against all reasoning, so thank you for this video which sets my mind back on track.

[@LostHorizon52]

This is one of your best summaries to date :))) I really appreciate the deeper level of thinking you apply in trying to understand the realities we experience in interacting with others.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks for these kind words. I hope to promote thinking and insight. Dr. C

[@AmalAms]

And you help and encourage us to always behave better with wisdom and understanding. Thank you Doctor Carter. Thanks for this brilliant video too. From this moment onwards, whenever I interact with anyone, I'll always try to behave with the backup of "Dignity, Respect and Civility" motto and thus hopefully improve in patience and prudence. May God bless you abundantly and guide you to continue your mission with grace, for there are many who need this counseling.

[@janisgoldberg7187]

Thank you for your channel God blesd

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thank you.

[@marisolbarnes6995]

I have lived for a narcissistic person for years and have lost myself tying to not conflict!! I can’t anymore more survival instincts kicked in watching these videos. I’m so blessed that God is helping me learn the knowledge I need to help me and free me from a very toxic relationship!!

[@ZaphodsPlanet]

The only real solution is removing their ability to interact with you. I'm trying to figure out how to put at least a thousand miles between my narc father and myself. There is no ideal situation or ability to honestly engage with these people. "Grey Stoning" helps but it's a never ending line of push and shove with them. Having to keep up an emotional guard with them is beyond exhausting. They play nice for several weeks then look for yet another weakness they can try to exploit. You cannot win with these people. You will always be in a "catch 22" in that whatever your answer is it will invariably be made into the wrong one. Even to this day I'm called the stupidest person on the planet on one thing while being mocked for making the mistake of declaring I had an opinion on something else. You either agree with them and be subservient to them and they lay off since you reinforce their beliefs, but you die in the process of doing so, or you fight a pointless fight until one of you is literally dead. In most such cases these days I don't provide the emotional response back as I used to. I pretend I didn't hear it more or less and move on to something else that is about NOTHING about myself, thoughts or beliefs. You can try to preserve whatever sanity you can with your own level of wisdom, but there comes a point and time where you realize that nothing you do, besides getting the hell away from them, will allow you to avoid the life sucking interactions these shit heads provide you with.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yep. In many cases this is exactly what is needed. Dr. C

[@conniedean6842]

My ex was so insecure, he tried cutting me down every chance he could, but in other ways he was very helpful in ways I needed so I stayed and hoped he'd change. 13 years later I got the hell out. When I started hearing about narcissists, about 11 years into it, I realized I wasn't the one who was crazy or wrong. He used my weaknesses against me, by fear, my kindness and trust. Well now I'm healing from not trusting anyone, healing from panic attacks, and anxiety, depression. Its getting better after a year and a half being free. Don't wait like I did...I'm 60 and it was very hard to leave. ♡

[@huetitle4070]

My narcissist isn’t very smart. It’s actually impressive how consistently incorrect she is. Yet, she is convinced she is the most clever woman.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I think you're describing crazy-making here! Dr. C

[@NOT_SURE..]

you've met my mum then , haha

[@colleenkaralee2280]

I started reading the Tao Te Ching and I no longer see cleverness as a virtue, and I think it supplants true competency.

[@NOT_SURE..]

@@colleenkaralee2280 interesting , thats made me think.

[@wesleydelman4513]

It's the Dunning- Kruger effect. They're too stupid to see how stupid they are. kzbin.info/www/bejne/poCvnneVjLuMY6c

[@johnshamblin4910]

Thanks again, Dr. Carter. My late father was the ultimate narcissist. He seemed to truly believe that everything that went wrong in a person's life was their own fault regardless of the circumstances. I lost my business of twenty five years to the Great Recession but, according to Dad, it was my fault and I was a failure. Whatever had gone right in my life (which was quite a lot), he took credit for. I realized long ago that, although he was highly intelligent and educated, he totally lacked wisdom and was incapable of feeling empathy. Fortunately, my mother was also intelligent, had wisdom, and was a wonderful, loving, person that instilled confidence and a sense of humor in her four children. When I needed advice, my mother would give me heart-felt, empathetic, good advice that has served me well over the years. If I asked Dad for advice, I got a list of what all I was doing wrong, or just platitudes.

[@daniellemoreau3201]

Hi John - Thank heavens you had a stable mother who was a buffer for how your dad was. Many people suffered from the financial crisis of 2008... Not your fault at all. Hope you have been able to pick up the pieces since then. And your father... Sad that he cannot see the 25 years of success and all the things you have done right in your life. But YOU know...and that's all that counts. Pat yourself on the back John :-) Much success to you in the future.

[@karenishness1]

And they can make extremely expensive mistakes and cover them up with their flying monkeys and when it gets out what they did they will blame it on anyone but themselves.

[@Corinna_Schuett_GER]

My whole childhood was ruined by them planning to build an oversized house (for 3 persons) and later in life they repeated the same error by building another one for 2. Now there's only 1 left with my narc mother at 74yo. ☝

[@famousstar796]

Karen Ashley Yes 10000000%

[@goodgollymisspolly5163]

My reactions out of pain & anger, despite a Grandmother's wisdom, renders her the Fool every time. With my Anxiety Disorder, I am handicapped and must find multiple techniques to overcome. My basic insecurities are conditioned to tend to believe the narcissist's opinion of me. I understand. I'm utilizing all of my cognitive therapy tools. I'm really battling.

[@SheLikesSteel]

My narcissists first reaction to anything I ask of him is, No!

[@SheLikesSteel]

Patience is not in the narcissists vocabulary.

[@tintin2142]

She just went berserk after a friend of hers made a comment about a sensitive subject, started shouting and screaming and throwing and breaking things, it made everybody uncomfortable and scared. Ruined everybody's christmas. Her only reason for apologizing is that 'she's the youngest' of the group. She was even a little thrilled that she thinks she stood up for herself.

[@cecilepovich3861]

A narcissist can threaten stability.A narcissist with psychopathic tendencies can threaten your life, stalk you,steal your mail,lie,maintain what is known as a pretence.You can argue with one,and decide to leave the other.And then,find a way to leave.If you do,don't look back.

[@93Jubilee]

My life has been spent with a difficult narcissist, my older sister. Her needs have controlled great portions of my life, even to the point of her arranging family reunions without inviting me (or even telling me until afterwards) for at least ten years in adulthood. When I told her how much it hurt me, she, somehow, became the victim and I was the one at fault. I think she is utterly unaware of her psychological condition and would be shocked if she were ever to become aware. Her sense of entitlement can be overwhelming. But one question to anyone who cares to respond: is there any way that a narcissist can, indeed, become aware of herself/himself and actually change? Thank you, Dr. Carter, for your insightful and wise commentaries. You've helped so many of us!

[@SheLikesSteel]

My experience with my narcissist and his narcissist father is that both were intelligent enough, but refused anything that resembled personal growth. They would never quiz someone to learn something new, or extend their knowledge of something they are interested in. Nope, the only conversation they are interested in is one where they dictate their truth and everyone accepts it as fact.

[@taragillette2189]

Wisdom is not addictive or obsessive/compulsive. This makes it difficult for the narcissist. They ask for your opinion and then do what their OCD dictates. If your wisdom doesn't interfere with their OCD they may take it. Thank you doc! I really appreciate your talks!

[@goodenoughgirl8102]

I think I get what you mean tho. Maybe their pathology is a better word for it. And yes they do have an obsessive nature at times like a dog with a bone. It’s THEIR bone by God, and don’t touch it!! Lol. I found that sometimes the narc fam member would wind up doing what I wanted and change their original “game plan” and sometimes would not change it, but I found it perplexing. Barring a divine miracle, it has to be either that it fits with what they now have decided they want to do, or somehow they get convinced that your idea was actually their brilliant idea. Lol.✌️ Or maybe at times it’s just cuz they didn’t care that much either way, but just wanted to make drama, and when that didn’t work on you, they just went ahead and did what you wanted cuz you no longer cared either way anymore either, and they see that they are going to have to find another way to make different drama later. They are so crazy tho. Can’t just do a simple task or collaborate right quick, and instead have to go around the mountain a few times arguing about it or trying to start drama.

[@patriciaannwhite5333]

both of my parents were hard core - unwavering - narcissists - wish to God I had met someone like you 60 years ago to explain that there wasn't anything wrong with me, except for being an empathic person. My life would have been completely different - maybe I would have looked for love, respect, compassion and simple kindness instead of more narcissists. Sad. maybe in my next life. You ROCK !!!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Use your experiences as motivation to be the change! Dr. C

[@KourtKourt930]

Can I hug you? You putting these videos out there for free is the most compassionate thing you can do for the people suffering!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Hug received! Dr. C

[@juangraham7339]

KNOWLEDGE is POWER. Thank You Dr Carter You have been very helpful.

[@buddha8910]

Narcissists have a very child like approach to life. My ex knew I'd find out about his cheating, and yet he said he didn't do it to hurt me. And that he felt bad (not sure he ever did). Apart from the moral aspects about what he did, he NEVER considered the broader consequences of his actions. His simplistic view of simply allowing himself the pleasures he had, and his most base wants & desires he never consider the future ramifications. The destruction of the family unit, the hurt caused and emotional turmoil. The trust broken, the betrayal and the lies that changed life for me and others in the family forever. His child like approach is one that barely had any conscience or sense of responsibility attached to his actions. And even when this was pointed out he still remains in the frame of mind that no matter what he will continue to do whatever he pleases. He lacks insight and self reflection, understanding wisdom and compassion. Had he had those elements and human qualities then if he was so unhappy we would have, or should have discussed a way forward. Even if that meant us divorcing. But at the very least it would have avoided all the hurt and disgusting revelations that came about. Another excellent video. Thank you

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Childlike indeed. No insight. Dr. C

[@laurasmithira]

My ex narc told me he cheated to get revenge on me...SMH

[@jondough679]

Plan your escape and get away things will gey worse and worse until you do

[@jeanettemackey6996]

My ex left me almost 4 months ago for someone else after 12 years and him cheating on me constantly I didn't know whether he was going to be with me or somebody else always I always accepted him like that I didn't realize at the time was over. Of time I found out that he was a narcissist you know there were always two things that really really got to me I had to learn how to deal with them one was his constantly lying to me I cannot Abide a liar people who lie to you don't respect you and if they don't respect you they can't love you and also the fact that he never ever believed me about anything health related to me he told everyone all of our friends that I was lying about all my health issues I'm laughing yes I'm laughing I think it's funny I realize now that he's on Shaky Ground because of his age and I still think it's funny you see the thing is I love him I still love him I don't know how to stop loving him I know how not to be with him I know how not to argue with him I can stand flat-footed for an hour and look him in the eyes and not flinch I don't hurt for him like I used to which is so good but I don't know how to not love him being smart realizing that narcissism is kind of like congestive heart failure there's no cure.

[@pachamama8586]

@ JD Are you talking about my ex husband? Lol. He started cheating right after our wedding. I had no idea for the longest time. When I heard rumors I asked him about them. He blew up at me how I dare say such an awful thing and how gullible I was to believe what jealous people said just to hurt and destroy our beautiful and meaningful marriage. And I believed him all the while shamed into thinking it was my distorted mind coming up with such horrible things and I should trust him instead. This goes to show the narcissist 's expert skills at playing their game of deceit, betrayal, exploitation, devaluation etc.etc. Growing up in a narcissistic environment, for years and years that was my "normal" - not even recognizing that kind of behavior for what it is. Only my gut feeling told me something is wrong but I blamed that on me being wrong instead of analysing it fully. (Of course as a kid you don't have that ability yet and later it's too engrained in our emotional makeup for the analytical mind to penetrate.) It took me decades of abusive relationships to even recognize abuse when I saw it even when it was stuck right in my face. I'm getting better and better at developing a radar for that although I'm sometimes still slow at catching it 😜. All the best to everyone out there on the path to healing!! Just remember it's a process and like you cannot climb a mountain in one big leap: every step you take in the right direction is a step towards recovery!!

[@lettygonzalez7041]

I send your last 3 videos to my Narc husband so he can figure out who he really is. And he txt me saying he is not a Narcissist. His a good man, just made mistakes and he wants to prove to me his a changed man. He has done so many bad things to me. Broken me and I feel like a loser now. Thank you Dr Carter you have cleared my suspicions that he is a Narcissist, psychopath and sociopath. I need to do the No contact. I am not staying at the house but his calling n the bad treatment continues. I will continue to hear your videos. Again thanks so I can get my Wisdom and regain my dignity back. Your my God send🙏

[@yellowrose7736]

Listening to you brings tears to my eyes...".let's talk about it....in a thoughtful manner, "I don't even know what that's like anymore. Considerate and helpful to your partner.....

[@avril4421]

Thanks again, made complete sense. I found my boundaries a while ago and he didn’t like or understand my need for these. The relationship went downhill as his confusion at a lack of control became more unacceptable to him. I still love him, but have known for sometime that we cannot live together, he parted from me suddenly when he found a new supply telling me that he always will love me and I was his one true love but there’s a huge hole in my heart. I wish I could heal quickly, your talks help so much, especially in understanding what has been going on in his head. Thankyou.

[@un-diluted7444]

this is one of the best vids i have ever seen on the subject. it explains so much and one can stop to bother abt the N understanding things bec he cannot, he is not able. saves many hours of wasted time. thanks for making this video. it is such a big help. wisdom is power!

[@KnittingArtisan]

Oh how good it is to come somewhere that makes my world feel right side up again. Thank you.

[@RedLikeWine]

I'd love to see a video on how to prevent narcissism, especially in parenting.

[@amyd1549]

Spot on! Thank you!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're welcome. Dr. C

[@juneburns1565]

This man is truly brilliant ! I just hope he reads this ..your videos are so helpful in understanding these individuals and how to react !Thank you

[@akaSheilaalien]

You're the most on point person I've heard talk about narcissism in relation to what I'm dealing with right now. I could type people's ears off right now with specific examples related to everything you're saying

[@mallory5872]

I always wondered at how my siblings don't consider what someone else's perspective is and why they might feel that way. Maybe they can't.

[@tallulahtwosocks6214]

Lack of empathy and wisdom. Key! I got into it and pushed back one day with my BFF about behavior. The response during the long conversation was, “This is just me and you need to accept it.” My response on this day was, “This is just me and you need to accept it.” I was then met with avoidance and that this person ignored me, the conversation and focused on the cell phone. When questioned about their avoidance came, ”I’m not avoiding you or talking to someone else.” And that person chose to look up for one second (literally) and back to the phone. Mind you, this is the longest friendship I’ve had and have walked away a couple times in the past. That person lives 3k miles away so easy to keep at a distance where communication is concerned. Love that person to death, but... Ugh!!

[@moonbuilder]

VERY enlightening, as are all your videos, Dr C. I can't thank you enough. Pity I had to wait until I was in my seventies. Still one good thing, I was beginning to figure it out for myself, and your videos have shown me I was on the right path. You have taught me that my instincts were sound, and that it is safe for me to trust them.

[@Texasborn99]

My narc dad would pout...drag out negative episodes...test me and my brother...he knew I knew what he was doing so didn't try anymore with me on that. Would never tell me I did good job but would go on and on about how other people were great

[@1230aaish]

Taurusgirl My Dad did the same with me . He always compared me with my younger brother mostly in the field of education. He body shamed me and once said that I looked humongous in the picture compared to my friends who was sitting next to me in the picture. I felt so bad about that and secretly cried in my room . I’ve been in no contact since one year with my narcissist dad .

[@Dastardly_X]

Sounds familiar

[@Texasborn99]

@@1230aaish sorry u had to go through that. They put us down cuz deep inside they don't want us outshining them one day. So they start early when your a kid. I have always been a fighter and I believe my narc dad knew I would find out one day. And I did. I knew but didn't have a name for it yet. Mine I don't think was that bad when I was a kid but got worse when I got older. I believe my mother shielded me from a lot of stuff when I was a child.

[@456inthemix]

They lack compassion & empathy for others, only for themselves just as long as people serve for their need.

[@walkingwithheather]

Working on Kitchen cupboards. My Narc, was redoing the doors. The cupboards are beautiful, but the one about the stove is too big and needs to be shorter, to incorporate a above range micro range. So, even though I said they were beautiful, I did note that the one above the stove was 'wrong', well, he did not like that word and with that he blew it out of proportion and then said that I was labeling his work as 'crap', and this is what he told others. Heather says my work is crap!, But thats not what I said. I like the work, it's beautiful work, but the cupboard above the stove needs adjusting, but there is no way to say it where he will understand it or even care about what I was trying to say. We are now separated. The cupboard has not been changed. Things have escalated and he will not be coming back, and right now, I'm ok with that and am working on me and everything else will get done eventually.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

It's like trying to reason with an illogical hormonally driven jr. high kid. Dr. C

[@NOT_SURE..]

i think the worse ones see pretty much everything as a personal attack ,

[@mindyourplants]

I was blown away by my narc. I was in a long distance relationship for 2 years and then this covid year living together and omg this last year, I had no idea what covert Narcissist, gaslighting or this channel was til I left him a month ago. I started thinking I was losing my mind and that my reality is skewed and im a terrible person. But after researching his traits and seeing these clips, now I know..... He thought he was brilliant and so in touch yet he was vapid, lacked wisdom, depressing to be with, terrible with money and all that is gaslighting and whoa, I was shook. I am still reeling from it but I'm now contactless and loving it. To others, RUN if you see a Narcissist. I was lucky I only suffered a few years.

[@Rebel6832]

When I try to stand in my own identity , It then goes to Extreme punishments, and ostracization..

[@betweenames]

GREAT VIDEO. To me this is the single most marked and frustrating characteristic of a narcissist. They can be so fun and charming making others seem boring by comparison... life of the party, etc. They likely surround themselves with casual circles of friends (fan clubs) who never require them to have human element. Dr. Carter so spot-on when he says they're so two dimensional, generally disinterested in the thoughts and feelings of others. I'm not even saying they struggle to because that would imply effort. In my experience they're literally incapable. They have their own ways of fake trying , retelling empathetic stories they've heard etc perhaps they'll give you the creepy psychopath stare where they pretend to look into your soul , . But it's always a ruse . It's almost alienistic. After while you can find yourself trying to explain over and over the human elements of what you just said and you will never get through to them. THIS IS THE WORST CHARACTERISTIC DURING CONFLICT RESOLUTION. UGH. Because they are so self-referential and everything comes down to how it affects them, you'll never get anywhere. It definitely takes skill to release your need to teach them humanity. I truly believe they can't learn nor do they want to. Thanks to Dr Carter for helping facilitate these patient skills with the rest of us!

[@Mystique7]

They think empaths are weak too. While they bully, scream & condescend everyone around them. Nothing screams lack of wisdom & intelligence to me louder than that.

[@carollofthouse1172]

Knowledge is key. I was blind, but now I see. Thank you Dr Les.

[@JB---]

This explains so much. God has a lot of work to do on me to make me equal to the task of being assertive and wise with my covertly narcissistic family member. It's so difficult, unpredictable, messy, painful, and exhausting. It would be so much easier to walk away, but I believe the knowledge and skill to deal with this person will help me deal with others as well, and I don't want to inflict rejection on another person when I've had it done to me and know how much it hurts. God bless you for making these videos!

[@nofiojames7262]

I like that critique without criticism. Everyone's opinion makes a difference

[@heartwisdomlove]

from my studies and spiritual awareness training i learned that a human being must be able to accept their ignorance before they can receive spiritual wisdom thus the capacity to be okay in a state of experience where “i don’t know” is acceptable to be (“be”) in the moment and at a still point where we feel safe not knowing the outcome of the future moment is a state where our body and mind is more receptive to experiences of spiritual wisdom it is the mind attempting to figure things out that blocks the receptive openness required to experience wisdom feeling our feelings is actually necessary to be able to truly receive spiritual wisdom since feelings are the main part of our spirit compassion must be received first before wisdom will descend and line up with the physical body most all babies are born with their wisdom body ( authentic feeling body ) connected usually between ages 3 and 5 a child will have a psychic break and their authentic feeling body will separate from their physical body and then at that point they live more in their mental consciousness wearing a mask and observing and keeping their real feelings a secret. Eva Pierrakos of pathwork.org wrote a book that describes this ( the book is called Fear No Evil )

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks so much for these good words. Dr. C

[@melissag7blessed47]

Thank you and I appreciate your videos

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're welcome. Dr. C

[@ThisisDaniel]

Very powerful video, I try and adopt these characteristics in my everyday dealings with people in general. Thank you for sharing this 🙏🏾

[@suzanvaughn4522]

This is such wonderful information because now, we can communicate more effectively on our own behalf with the narcissist, rather than be confused and angered by them.

[@Anondlynn]

I've only learned about this personality disorder in the last few years and find it explains a lot of what I've had to deal with in my marriage. Trouble is...when you're married to a narcissist and you are trying to be your own separate you, they look at it as being disrespectful or putting others before them, and they let you know and never forget that. They also feel justified/entitled in whatever actions they take afterwards to appease themselves, be they blatant and overt or secretive. It's a never ending spiral of dysfunction going on and on within the marriage. The Stories I could tell, 40+ years worth. We've been living apart the past 4 years after I walked out...but we are still in contact and have yet to legally separate or divorce. Example: Many years ago I was asked to be a part of my younger brothers wedding(I had already been a Bridesmaid for my older brother's wedding) , I was again asked to be a bridesmaid and my brothers wedding was taking place at a time when my husband and I were thinking of going on vacation. Now mind you, we had not done anything more than discuss when we might go. I let my husband know I was asked to be a part of my brothers wedding(someone who he's never cared for BTW) and that I'd like to be a part of it and since we had not yet done anything more than discuss when we might take our vacation I suggested that perhaps we could plan the start of our vacation for the week following the wedding. He did not agree and told me I was putting family before him. I did what I felt was right, I accepted. Because I loved both my brothers I felt I just couldn't be a part of one brothers wedding, and after being asked, not be a part of my others as well....just because my husband didn't care for him. My punishment...any talk of taking a vacation together ended and I vacationed alone that year.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

It's all about the N, and when you disagree, here comes the Big Pout. Hope you had a peaceful vacation that year! Dr. C

[@Anondlynn]

@@SurvivingNarcissism LOL...actually I did and it was much more pleasant as well.

[@lesliepfeifer8518]

My X...lol, I recently told my x that he was smart, but lacked wisdom...lol...I really needed to hear this..thank you💖

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

Dr. Les: My dad talked as if only his feelings mattered(on the phone) about his brother's death. Nothing was said to me about the loss of my uncle. It was all about Dad, by Dad. I went back to blocking his number on my phone(so I won't call him again). I gave up on his narcissism! It was a monologue, Dad talked at me, instead. He only wanted to hear himself talk, my opinion was not elicited or welcome. His way or the highway. I got off that exit from his "my way or the highway" highway! Freedom to be me! I don't need, nor want his permission to exist and have other opinions! I am patient and wise. I deserve better than him for a father! Dad talks as if he is a dictator, not a benevolent one, either. Just dictatorial. I have my freedom back by not dealing with him, what a relief! I felt so empty, so void of free will to exist and think differently than he did! His loss! (I quit dealing with him!)

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You deserve better, Jackilyn. Frankly, your decision to regain your freedom makes sense. I wish you the best.

[@beachtraveller2154]

Smh😳 it's so sad, sad story for all effected. take good care everybody.