The Nature of Betrayal Trauma

[@lizo.etouke6464]

Act of breaking trust or loyalty that not only hurt but harm at the same time. So true and deep.

[@TheThiaminBlog]

I would love to hear more about rumination. Two years in, and I can’t shake it.

[@spacegirl226]

Nearly everything I know is betrayal. Trusting anyone is next to impossible now. Thank you, Darren.

[@caroleminke6116]

❤️‍🩹

[@Sally-ih6ls]

Totally agree

[@welshpokerman101]

unfortunately agree, I'd rather we be proved wrong but alas - we're not

[@spacegirl226]

@@welshpokerman101 no. They never try to prove anyone wrong. That would be too difficult for them, and all the responsibility goes on us anyway because 'perfect' people don't need to do better. Ugh.

[@welshpokerman101]

@@spacegirl226 I think you're anger has completely misunderstood my comment? I would like people in general to prove me wrong, and be kind/compassionate/honest/empathetic - but are often not

[@mikesmith6594]

My father has done nothing but betray me he wonders why I can't trust or wanna be around him because of the gaslighting, gossiping behind my back, false accusations, playing mind games with me, plus making me question literally everything. He lives a double life he knows he does that's why I can't trust him. Plus he acts like he's holier than thou and can do anything wrong that's a huge red flag. Feel so isolated and betrayed by him now I approach everything with caution yes I am traumatized.

[@gardener3017]

His betrayal was the best gift he ever gave me. It was the catalyst for leaving a shambolic marriage. I have peace for the first time in decades. There hasn't been one cross word spoken in this house in over two years. Who would have thought that something that hurt so badly turned out to be the best thing that's ever happened. I'm so grateful.

[@caroleminke6116]

When they actually show you who they really are then it becomes about them & not about us for once ❤️‍🩹 this does eventually lead us to a better place but sadly it can involve shedding a lot of people in our lives… parents as well as partners, siblings & friends as well

[@joannageorge7305]

Yes, it's actually liberating. People say it's devastating to find they weren't loved. I found it more liberating than anything. It never came across as love anyway, I just stupidly accepted this person's sales pitch about themselves.

[@deselby6669]

..Cross words are appalling..I hear you..

[@winter-qd4yw]

Very accurate and is my lived experience. And yes, you become disconnected, isolated and very leery of people ( can’t trust). You isolate because if you talk about it the best case scenario is that you are not understood and at worst you are invalidated in a harsh way leaving you to doubt yourself even more. Thank you.

[@ScoobieSnacks164]

Pain I can handle, its nothing new. Its the betrayal of being used and abused for the narcissist to better their own life that really stings

[@Shelley-j2y]

That's what happened to me. I was betrayed by my family and it has definitely disconnected me from everyone. I'm not the same person I was before the betrayal. If you can't trust your own blood, then....who can you trust?

[@karenlebron-morales8672]

There are some family members who are frankly your worst enemies. Once you realize it, it's better to keep your distance from those family members. If you need to interact, say the least bit possible and don't share future plans. The worst is that they pretend that they have done nothing wrong.

[@HarryBarker-yp1xv]

Trust in God, he is the One who woke you up. My family was horrific as well. You are the chosen one who broke away from the generational trauma bond.

[@GregYoung-nd2zj]

You can trust yourself not to do the same to the ones you care about.

[@katydid594]

It’s realizing your mother has been bad-mouthing you for years to a beloved cousin who ultimately ends the relationship because of mom’s lies. The pain intensifies when you realize this is a pattern, and she’s betrayed you before. When you call your mother out it’s deny, deny, or cry, cry, but never an admission of fault or sorrow for the pain she’s caused you. After a lifetime of betrayal, she has the nerve to cry on the phone because she “misses” you, and you’re so fucked up you feel guilty and responsible for her sadness.

[@joannegillis6629]

You say in the comment that you are fucked up but cognitive dissonance could be what it is… Narcissist cause cognitive dissonance

[@katydid594]

@@joannegillis6629 What you said make a lot of sense. Thank you.

[@ejtappan1802]

I spent 19 years in a religious cult. (Been out for 25 years now.,) People often ask me what caused me to get out? And it was exactly what this video is talking about... a deep sense of betrayal by people to whom I had entrusted virtually every aspect of my life. I put up with a ton of misdirection and emotional abuse over the years, and always found a way to somehow take the blame onto myself. But a deep, sudden realization of betrayal comes like a body blow. It's like running face first into a brick wall, emotionally. At the time, the word trauma never came into my thinking. But yeah, it sure was, and it sure took some time to get over it.

[@LindaGrey-wm9uc]

Working on Betrayal with my Counselor. This is the deep one in loss of trust. A baby just learnt to walk. Lovely flowers in a field. Climbed through a wooden fence, picking flowers, then suddenly knocked over. Tried to stand, kept happening. It was a huge goat and i was terrified. Heard a noise, saw mother laughing her head off. Did not faze me, learnt early no help there. Heard another noise, there was my beloved daddy, also laughing. It went through me like lightning. Trust died that day.

[@Internal.Inferno]

I suffer from intrusive flashbacks. I can be in the middle of a conversation with someone or working and I'll get a flashback of that personal betrayal, over and over again. I have complex PTSD and I think it's because of that. Combined with dissociation and anxiety, it can be crippling. I have to really work hard to tear myself out of that spiral. I'm not always successful.

[@chamuuemura5314]

It is important, if possible, to introspect and ascertain if you yourself pushed tge other person to betrayal (possible BPD) or subconsciously sought out untrustworthy people (codependency). Getting cheated on in 3 of my 4 relationships was a good push into getting help for what I learned was CPTSD that at the time I thought was normal. In retrospect it was a wonderful blessing to get cheated on because it led to healing I for wounds I didn’t know I had until I experienced freedom from them.

[@linnnea8171]

In my twenties I was in awe of my mother in law, after a childhood with a vulnerable narsissistic mother who had no ability whatsoever to solve any problems. I could not believe that somebody could just see a problem and solve it just like that, no fuss. So I admired my mother in law and confided in her, and when she then betrayed me, that was a real bummer to say the least. And the worst part of it was that she wasn't even a bad person, so I couldn't just shrugg my shoulders and think that she sucked. I think that was the moment I kind of gave up on some things that people generally pursue in life, but luckily I could have a fulfilling life anyway. It took years but I get along just fine these day with mil. I trust very few people and she is certainly not one of them.

[@juliesmith6228]

Very thoughtful discussion. Thanks

[@polly6336]

This really hits the nail on the head. Thank you Darren. It's enormously helpful to gain more understanding of the intricacies of trauma. Personally, I can relate to betrayal trauma regarding my former colleagues, my former job and ultimately my career. I do find it extremely hard to trust people and to feel safe, and the general hyper-vigilance can mean that I'm wary even with people I'd never have doubted before. Love to the family and to wee Freud.

[@eottoe2001]

For men, when you get a betrayal you generally have no place to go to talk about it unless you pay a therapist to listen and talk about it. Most friends don't understand or want to hear about it. It's called sometimes disenfranchised grief. If you share a trust and then the person you trusted broadcasts it, from that point on you have to be careful what you share with them. When that happens, the relationship may not be over but it is stilted. I had a sister complain that I was always so secretive when actually I am not but she isn't trustworthy and the other sister is not safe. A good friend was told in confidence at work and told it, and from that point, what information I shared was limited even though what he shared wasn't a big deal.

[@ThePerfectHaven]

I know it’s worse for men because of the stigma of them being the victim of narcissists but Ive found it’s the same for women. The only person I can talk to regarding the betrayal is my psychologist everyone else either has their head in the sand or tells me to shut up and put up with it.

[@Marcia_Toms]

I was betrayed by a friend: neighbour and have never recovered, six years on.

[@justChrisjones]

It is a domino effect, it is permanent.

[@caroleminke6116]

Betrayal trauma can return us to our true selves ❤️‍🩹 those souls that we were forced to abandon in childhood ♥️ beautiful people come out of this process as whole beings❣️not human doings anymore…

[@amac2573]

Wondering please if you know or have heard anything about Deep Brain Reorienting?

[@Oswaldfiveo]

53 years in a cult of one. My mother is the ultimate covert. Hiding behind toxic positivity, false love, overwhelming, smothering hippy dippy idealism, and a completely unstable childhood. Then molestation, dismissal, and gaslighting. So glad I figured it out. NO more betrayals are ever possible. I’m free. 🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵