The NT Spouse's "Paradigm-Shift": Moving Away from Confusion and Anger

Downloadable programs:
--- Living with ASD: eBook and Audio Instruction for Neurodiverse Couples- www.livingwithaspergerspartne...
--- Interpersonal Relationship Skills: eBook and Audio Instruction for Male Partners with ASD- www.neurodiversemarriage.org/...
Coaching services for autistic male partners:
--- Skype Group for ASD Men Struggling in Their Relationship with an NT Spouse: www.adultaspergerschat.com/20...
--- Skype Group: ASD Men’s Master Class: www.asdmasterclass.com/2022/0...
Coaching services for neurotypical female partners:
--- Skype Group for Neurotypical Women Struggling in Their Relationship with an ASD Spouse: www.adultaspergerschat.com/20...
--- Skype Group: Recovery from Cassandra Syndrome for Neurotypical Spouses: www.cassandrasyndromerecovery...
Coaching services for the ASD + NT couple:
--- Skype Group for Neurodiverse Couples Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorder: www.adultaspergerschat.com/20...
Individual coaching services:
--- One-on-One Sessions for Struggling Individuals and Couples Affected by ASD: www.adultaspergerschat.com/20...
Access to “Members-Only” videos:
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Parenting resources:
--- Parenting System that Reduces Problematic Behavior in Children and Teens with ASD Level 1: www.myaspergerschild.com/2019...
--- Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: www.high-functioningautism.co...
--- Discipline for Defiant Teens on the Autism Spectrum: www.myaspergersteen.com/
--- Preventing Meltdowns and Tantrums in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder: www.autism-meltdowns.com/
--- Launching Adult Children with ASD Level 1: How to Promote Self-Reliance: www.launchingadultchildren.com/
--- Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Kids on the Spectrum: www.social-skills-emotion-man...
--- Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: aspergers-mystery.blogspot.com/

[@swajana1]

It is so so hard living with a grown man that you take care of as if he is a child

[@GWAYGWAY1]

@swajana1 Meaning?

[@elizabethpeterson9132]

What about anxiety over things out of my control? And where is the accountability for the husband?

[@serataylor772]

I've got to find a way to reduce his anxiety? Why don't I get to be the one who someone else changes for, for a change?? I need someone to do for me what I am being told to do for him. Women are always the ones who are expected to be what others need us to be ~~ when do I get to be the one that someone spends all their time and effort on supporting? I'm sick of being the caregiver for others when nobody does the same for me.

[@markhutten]

You help reduce his anxiety - then you will have less anxiety because he won't be melting down.... or just keep doing what you're doing and then both of you can be stressed out.

[@momma2bubbas]

This is where we try. If we like the results , then we can make it work. I hear you. Once I strongly suspected this diagnosis in my husband , I treated it like a project . I’m very new in this new paradigm. I don’t know where it will go. So, we try. The paradigm shift is quite the ah hah moment. It will be different for all of us. Our own family of origin dynamic will play a huge part too i think. We bring baggage with us too. It will be work. We have to weigh out our priorities

[@EllePole]

I’m the autistic spouse and my husband is not. I can tell you with regret that we *cant* do this. I’m sorry.

[@deb9ragorton742]

I agree with you completely.....completely🙌,

[@ChadWork1]

You’re reacting to the information as if you’re with a neurotypical partner. If he’s autistic he has a disability with deficiency in certain areas. Your statement is exactly what creates anxiety in you’re autistic partner, and shuts him down. You’re punishing him for his disability. If you can understand him you will be happier and he will follow suit.

[@zoecharrington9587]

Changing, adapting and endless chances didn't work for us, long term. He didn't care enough about me or value me. It's not all down to ASD. I left him after 16 years as I was broken and had nothing left to give and was done going through the same cycle.

[@sds6303]

Maybe it wasn’t ASD that you were dealing with…

[@cocodream_3785]

I understand, it’s like being in the ring with Mike Tyson. Fighting to hold on but then being knocked -Out by the second round.

[@ADHD_zen]

I think I have two points? One - when the lady says that she wouldn’t run to a stranger on the street to apologize. Isn’t there a difference between a stranger and someone who is supposed to care for us? Second - what is the deal with ASD and not being able to apologize? If it is hard to understand, ok. But I don’t get how he simply cannot accept the fact that he hurt someone he says he cares for and STILL doesn’t say sorry for it. People can LEARN empathy. You don’t have to necessarily feel it to apply it. If someone else went through stuff I didn’t, I also have hard time imagining their pain. But we can KNOW that it is a moment to offer some kind of comfort. I am sorry if my comment is too harsh, I just have some struggles accepting that NT should accommodate ND anxieties all the time. Am ND myself and quite frankly am glad I didn’t grow up shielded by super careful people telling me how I am okay the way I am, accommodating me all the time. Because maybe we SHOULD take responsibility for the way we are and learn, that everything has consequences and we cannot just wait for everybody else to handle us in white gloves.

[@stoicninja3244]

Listening to the lady made me cry. My ex wife walked away after 3 years of marriage. Only now I find out that she suffered from Cassandra syndrome.

[@cocodream_3785]

Yes I’m on the verge myself. I love him but I’m concerned about my mental and emotional health. He’s ok but I’m certainly not and I want to be ok.

[@dbenz3033]

I don't have it in me to treat a spouse like a child. I feel for him and I'm amazed you are this strong to put up with it.

[@HockeyJock]

I'm a male Cassandra of 12 years, having just recently found this channel. Wow, this testimony is so powerful.

[@isabeltaylor1762]

This is harder to achieve when the ASD man is in denial of the disorder and his confirmed diagnosis. He is very condescending and thinks he is above me (mother of his child). We are not together but we must communicate effectively as coparents. Is anyone else in this situation?

[@markhutten]

If you knew then what you know now - it might be significantly different.

[@stoicninja3244]

@@markhutten indeed. My ex-wife walked away from our marriage, both of us ignored I had Asperger's. 18months after the divorce I found out about Cassandra syndrome and my perspective about the divorce changed completely. She left with anger and resentment. She was very bitter.

[@farahkhan4692]

Yes I am i am and it’s not easy at all

[@christinafidance340]

I was! I tried, instead of telling him what’s wrong with him, I just nudged him in the right direction and let him figure it out on his own. I suggested we watch Temple Grandin’s movie and just like I suspected, afterwards he says “Omg! I think I’m pictures too!!!” “Oh really??? Go on?” 😂 “No, you don’t understand… watching this, now I understand MYSELF better!” And BULLSEYE! Or as my 12 year old would say, “SLAY!” Yeah, I learned that I can’t preach or yell at him to get him to realize anything since he will just immediately shut down or get defensive. So, try just nudging him in the right direction somehow. I did that in combination of changing the way I react to him. (I’m Italian and a bit hyper and loud and that’s what causes his anxiety the most.) And it’s been a significant change. We are actually working towards something now instead of just being stuck at a complete impasse.

[@danaparzych7414]

It makes it hard because the husband is not the same as a stranger but those defecits cause them to be emotional strangers … BUT KNOWING that he is an involuntary emotional stranger can change things.

[@MichelleY2828]

I have been with my Aspie spouse for 4 years. The relationship has gone through most of the phases that Mark had mentioned. I have been reading and researching about how to improve our relationship. I had make effort to remind myself to avoid being emotional with his verbal insults when we disagree. What threaten our relationship is he had chased me out of the house few times when we get into arguments. I had moved & migrated to his home town 1.5 years ago. This not my home town. I have no place to go. I felt homeless! I had stayed in hotel at least twice and once at a friend’s place. There is no security & stability in my life here. I have been very accommodating with him after learning about the deficits of ASD. Unfortunately he is not getting better. 😢😢😢

[@fredhubbard7210]

It's 2023... Time for you to realize that NT husbands suffer deeply. In the end, who cares? ASD partners are never going to change--everyone including Mark Hutton just expect the NT to adapt to someone who lives in their own world! What is in it for the NT? She went to the police... I was arrested because she was anxious. I was homeless, and lost access to my child. $150K and fifteen years later, I have renewed my relationship to my daughter, and I am so grateful for what happened to me. My advice to every NT is say good-bye. NT/ASD relationships are an illusion. You can ghost them, and they won't even notice you are gone.

[@cocodream_3785]

I believe that, it’s almost as if after all these years you never existed. You’ll exist once they enter a new relationship and start talking about you to their new partner

[@michellenichols9990]

Very good advice in this video. However I know that it is a challenge to do this paradigm shift when I have been told by three counselors over a period of 20 years of counseling that it is emotional abuse. My husband and I have gone to seven different counselors, some marriage counselors, some individual counselors and none of them identified Aspbergers. Doing my own research, over the last six months I am 100% convinced it is Aspbergers. Just saying, it is a challenge to do paradigm shift when you’ve been told by “professionals” otherwise.

[@imogen.magenta]

Yeh - I’m expecting a big monetary windfall any day now from God to reimburse me for all that counseling and psychology money spent - and none of them picked up this basic issue. Turns out neither of us is neurotic - he’s got a different brain and I’m trying to help him. Show me the money! 😆😆🤷🏼‍♀️

[@sunnysaz30]

More like this pls 🙏🏼

[@mistressofstones]

At one point when things were so bad and he didn't understand me and I didn't understand him he was scared to wake up in the morning and for me to come home from work every day. And I felt the same, I just wanted to run away or kill myself. It's very sad, I have had to grieve for myself and I feel shame for how I treated him when I thought he was the "enemy". But I've discussed these things with him and we forgive each other. It's a great thing, I just wish somehow we could have started with this wisdom because we have such a strong love and a deep romance. I feel so much sorrow for the innocent and loving people that entered that relationship full of hope and descended into hell. I have the emotional 'space' to look at both of us like that. I just hope that now we can wipe the slate truly clean and enjoy the beautiful thing we have found together without any scarring from the past.

[@usualsuspects42]

I would be very interested to know how you are doing now, a year later. Women enthusiastically take it all on, but one day you realize you are not superhuman and you can't continue to hold everything up, hold everything together.

[@maritesshoy317]

Yes - definitely need much more education on this, daresay even in elementary school as kids learn how to respect & learn how to manage one another's differences (ie, we are *each* unique & both 'weird' & gifted in our own ways - the goal is to find out & use your gifts). This is more important as we learn that being ND is more common than we thought. Also, trauma can cause ND-like symptoms, & so many of us have trauma, too.

[@dorcusmallorcus6450]

Many thanks to your participants for sharing their experiences and insights.

[@Nuverselive]

This conversation reminds me of the book “ Women that love too much !” I highly recommend it as well as Codependent No more

[@karencottier1991]

Thank you for talking through a situation which seems common to us all. It makes logical sense but I'm not really sure how to stop the behaviour hurting me emotionally.

[@aaronbura296]

I'm grateful for this comment because it allows me to use a simple analogy to represent the situation as I see it. Firstly I want to say that I have ASD and how i completely understandable how some comments can be very hurtful to hear but intent is everything. I know nothing about you so this analogy is designed for simplicity and relatability and is for anyone to read in the hope that they can increase their understanding. Imagine walking by someone on the street as an overweight person and you hear "fat blobby slob" (an extremely offensive remark) from someone who walks by you. Nobody would blame you for being and acting very upset, however if you found out or realised that he has tourettes syndrome you would probably stop feeling so offended because you know it just a disorder and not a comment that's meant to cause offence. If you were to pass the same person again at a later date and he says the same thing you would be somewhat prepared and should stop you feeling the same way as it did the first time. Now imaging somebody confronts him about his offensive remark and expects him to apologise and never say it again. It's just doesn't seem fair to confront them about their words when it's a disorder. ASD on the whole is pretty invisible (unlike tourettes) if you're not paying attention to it but it's there nevertheless. I couldn't give you any better advise than what's in this video but I do wish you luck going forward and I apologise for such a long response, but I felt it important to reply to you.

[@er6730]

Yes. When my young child is holding an umbrella and accidentally pokes me with it, I know it wasn't on purpose, but it still hurts! And knowing that there's a good likelihood of the child poking me again, I either choose to take away the umbrella (not as a punishment, it's just that he's too young to handle an umbrella safely) or keep my hand up to protect myself from the inevitable bump. How do we treat our husbands now? Constantly being on guard so that when something hurtful comes, I can expect it and deflect so it doesn't hurt? That's a very different way to have a relationship, almost not a relationship at all. Or do I take the relationship away from him because he can't control how he holds it? It's so hard to know what to do. When my husband has lower anxiety, he "holds the umbrella" much more carefully, where it's more like an older child that mostly can be careful but occasionally will have the odd accidental poke. Much more relaxing to walk beside! I will ask him if I'm contributing to his anxiety. I'm not sure if I am, but I know that the children do and his job does. I'm not willing to give up the children, lol, but he is quitting his job. (Which heightens my anxiety, but that's beside the point.)

[@aaronbura296]

@@iam4962 My absolute pleasure. Glad I could help.

[@usualsuspects42]

@@er6730 You said this very well - it's "a very different way to have a relationship, almost not a relationship at all. I would add that your last words are the truest - it is not a relationship. The important question is why we are settling for a non-relationship where all we get out of it is contorting ourselves endlessly to achieve some crumbs we can try to convince ourselves is a meal.

[@usualsuspects42]

@karen cottier You can't stop the behavior from hurting you emotionally. If you are somehow able to achieve that level of detachment, you will at that point also find it doesn't make sense to stay with someone whose opinion you must disregard, who doesn't see you, hear you, understand you, who isn't a partner, who doesn't even know you.

[@Shantiholisticwellness]

I have been waiting to hear this for almost 20 years. Thank you so much for being vulnerable and sharing your experience with us. And thanks again Mark for putting all the info out there. I feel like I am in a whole new world.

[@markhutten]

You are so welcome

[@Jodeekowgirl]

This was SO helpful. Im clearly suffering with Cassandra Syndrome because of the relationship. Im struggling so much and his behaviour has actually made me sick. When I start talking about my needs and my feelings he ghosts me big time and says I'm busting his balls. 😳 And so the cycle is so hurtful!! It's not even a relationship anymore and he just can't see it. He just blames me flat out. So thank you Mark again. I am learbing so much from your videos. 🙏🏻 I thought I was losing my mind and going crazy. People around me have noticed my mental health decline rapidly in 3 mths. I can't go on with this anymore but he's so beautiful and I love him so much but Im suffering so much. I totally stopped taking his brutal comments personally and it felt better, so that was positive. Now he's noticed a sudden change today so if only I could get him to listen to these videos or get him onto the Zoom group it would be so good. I really dont think he would. 😕

[@diosadeamore]

Same here...

[@jake8748]

So what I heard from the first lady is instead of taking her husbands deficits as deliberate towards her, she instead looked at him with empathy and put herself in his shoes and realised it wasn't what she assumed it was and essentially stopped attacking him for something he couldn't control really. I know the feeling, as a real basic example I get anxious stacking the dishwasher at home, because if I stack it like I always have and learnt to, it's wrong to my wife and she'll make a point of it. But if I don't stack it at all, im also wrong and lazy. I try and remember to do it her way but then forget and same end result. Another one is I struggle to remember where things are in the house (I work away and only home 1 week out of 3). I'll ask. Instead of getting a clear answer its usually "where it belongs" or "where it's always lived" even if it's changed locations in the past. Or it's a vague answer like middle drawer in the bedroom, when there's multiple middle drawers. Inevitably I have to ask multiple times to get a real answer. It's frustrating as she knows I have issues remembering things like this and with the added crap it means ive opened and shut multiple cupboards or drawers and now memory of its location wont stick with me either as it may if she gave a direct logical answer. I think that's the most frustrating thing to me, the passive aggressive stupidity. It doesn't fix problems just makes them worse. I've also found people are incredibly dismissive of my mental health and state, I think mostly because I don't really express emotions as much and internalise most of it. But then when I do ask for help I'm just dismissed as if im making it up or it has ulterior motives which then cycles back around to hiding my emotions because no one cares about them anyway. I think this is what happens to people on the spectrum. From a young age their emotions are dismissed or minimised so they adapt to internalise which stops them learning how to express through their developmental years and then as adults most people just assume they are cold or emotionless and don't accept them and the cycle continues instead of helping them get in touch with their emotions.

[@Lisa-pw2he]

Thank you for explaining all this. It makes perfect sense. I feel badly for you because I would also be annoyed with your wife's illogical responses and passive aggressiveness. I'm looking at these videos only because I've had a crush on a friend who I think has Asperger's. He's lashed out at me a couple times when I am more his ally than most people. I'm also very capable at adjusting the way I speak to people and am very logical myself. I could very easily alter the way I speak to him. The trouble is that he would have to realize that he has ASD and that I'm on his side.

[@alexac5001]

I do not agree though that an asperger husband cannot apologise or do self questioning and that the NT wife is the only person who has the perspective shift to make... when an autistic person is capable of and decided to marry and has a work it also means that this person has the capacity to do self learning of his brain and reflect on his behaviour. I believe that as a couple it's about knowing oneself as well as knowing the other and having the intention to be respectful both ways... while respecting each brain way of functioning. I feel it's seen too much as the NT has to allow the poor autistic person to be cos poor him he can't eveolve or change or the autistic person has to change to accommodate others. None of these are healthy behaviours! It's for each couple to find what works what doesn't and having an understanding of each other way of working inside. It's too easy to hide behind autism and be selfish. In that case maybe they should question the relationship cos it's not about sacrificing oneself. As an example I am an autistic woman and married. I do have crisis as described here and my husband has learnt to understand what's going on and not to push my buttons but helping to calm down my anxiety not the NT way. AND once it's over we talk and I make the effort to create rules for me and learn not to hyperfocus on the issue while he helps me. It's both ways! And I do feel sorry and say sorry afterwards when I hurt him even though it was not intentional!

[@victoraxten3761]

I agree I realized that 48 definitely am Asperger's have done some very unbelievably insensitive things to my wife at first didn't understand had crazy rationalizations for it and as she put it in perspective I was embarrassed and apologized and continued at a lesser pace doing it very much try to stay ahead of it with trigger mechanisms and our communication but when she gets really hurt and angry my anxiety rises and nothing positive happens for either of us our relationship yelling and accusing doesn't fix unintentional but real hurtful actions. We are together we love each other but have intentional ways we work on our relationship very clear communication helps.

[@cairosilver2932]

It's not working out when you have to orbit around the other person's deficits

[@markhutten]

In that case, the autistic individual may be better off with someone who has more compassion.

[@SandraWade666]

You have "deficits" too. Everyone does. And all relationships are work.

[@cairosilver2932]

@@SandraWade666 Depends if most or all of the work is done by one side of the relationship - if that works for you then ok

[@rachelsmyth4529]

@@flawedplan Thank you. That is my concern - I do not believe a person is without compassion if they are struggling with a one-sided relationship and to judge someone whom one doesn't know as lacking that is both unfair and unprofessional. I am a very compassionate and empathetic person and have given the benefit of the doubt all along the way - just as I give to my son who is also on the spectrum. Partner extends no compassion to my son or to me and will not discuss issues no matter how they are presented and yet it appears that my son and I must come second to partner or we are not compassionate enough?

[@alyssaoconnor]

Absolutely but you accept it or you don’t, because they won’t or can’t change. Some people are perfectly happy to be a carer and others want a partner in every sense of the word. How much of a carer you will be depends on where a partner sits on the spectrum and what emotional skills they have already been taught.

[@Onelove858]

This is my favorite teaching of yours on ASD. The Ladies testimonies was Great in helping to understand people on the spectrum of ASD. Very Helpful!

[@markhutten]

Wonderful!

[@GWAYGWAY1]

If you know you are a “needy” woman, it might be best to avoid a relationship with someone with ASD. A BIG problem is that there are so many going undiagnosed, myself included. I believe that when children begin school, they should be screened for ASD, and for dyslexia, which is also under diagnosed. That would entail supporting them, of course, which costs more MONEY, so that’s not going to happen. Meanwhile, society suffers because so many of its citizens are not reaching their full potential……..🇬🇧

[@marieschor-rutishauserphd6316]

So good!

[@Nilfirith]

This is gold

[@JocelyneVautour]

This is a great video! Thank you!

[@markhutten]

You are so welcome!

[@MrMaartenmostert]

Fantastic Mark 👍

[@pamelashuford3058]

Amein...thank you ladies ❤

[@markhutten]

🤗

[@51elephantchang]

Wonderful truly empathetic lady.

[@77maanno]

Very interesting and helpful. Even though we don’t live together anymore. After moving apart at least he stopped blaming me for all his problems, and was able to put the “blame” where it belonged. But the amount of pain he caused me is deep because some betrayal was involved. Still co-parenting requires tools like these. But my question is: How much is possible for the autistic husband to do when becoming aware of his diagnosis? Are they ever able to take accountability? Do they ever let go enough of the shame to be able to apologise for how they have hurt you? Or is everything only up to the NT wife?

[@usualsuspects42]

So far, it appears to me that it is the latter - everything is up to the NT wife. Why do we do this to ourselves?

[@77maanno]

@@usualsuspects42 I’m so sorry you are experiencing the same.

[@iatetheskittles]

We women sacrifice a lot. Our bodies, health, emotional connection in these cases and esp with a baby involved we keep trying for the sake of the family. I read it’s better to stay together but it doesn’t feel like it is, it feels like I’m sacrificing my life to what he needs and wants and I get neglected at any issue I have,

[@77maanno]

@@iatetheskittles I’m so sorry you are going through this. We do sacrifice a lot. Too much for it to be worth it in my opinion. Where did you read it’s better to stay together? I honestly don’t think it’s always the best for the children. If one or both parents are slowly dying inside the relationship, then it’s most likely not the best for the children that they stay together.?

[@dillchives]

Do NT wives apologize for the abuse they inflict on their autistic husbands? Because that is very common in these types of relationships. Abusers usually don't apologize, and being autistic doesn't make someone abusive.

[@kathleenherrmann436]

Thank you! This was very empowering for me ♥️

[@markhutten]

Fantastic!

[@the_review_lady_channel]

Wonderful commentary and changes. Gives HOPE..... ♥️

[@usualsuspects42]

ah yes. Hope. while you get older and nothing really changes.

[@ariantidarmawan1172]

Thank you so much!! This one really safe me and my mental health.

[@valpurcell7329]

So helpful thank you. It's like the penny has dropped after 36 years! I now have optimism about our future.

[@markhutten]

Wonderful!

[@underHiswings77]

This is beautiful, except when the loved one is I’m unaware of the diagnosis and there hasn’t been an official one. 😢

[@MsGnor]

Inspiring to hear from these women. My parents have a different dynamic tho. Thanks for sharing.

[@markhutten]

You are so welcome

[@aiaki807]

This is so sad and depressing. Omg no

[@markhutten]

--- Group for ASD Men Struggling in Their Relationship with an NT Spouse: www.adultaspergerschat.com/2020/11/group-for-asd-men-struggling-in-their.html --- Group for NT Women Struggling in Their Relationship with an ASD Spouse: www.adultaspergerschat.com/2020/11/group-for-nt-women-struggling-in-their.html --- Online Group Therapy for Couples & Individuals Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorder: www.adultaspergerschat.com/2020/10/mark-hutten-m.html --- Living With Aspergers: Help for Couples - www.livingwithaspergerspartner.com/ --- Skype Counseling for Struggling Individuals & Couples Affected by Asperger's and HFA - www.adultaspergerschat.com/2019/07/skype-counseling-for-struggling-couples.html * Mantra #1 - Think "Anxiety-Reduction" - or You'll Get Nowhere! * Mantra #2 - Change Your Reaction to Your ASD Spouse - and You'll Change Him

[@michellesoo173]

❤️❤️❤️

[@leilap2495]

My NT husband gets very angry at me. He wants me to change, but that is not going to happen. He has my mom now teaming up with him and I am heartbroken. I think I have no choice but to leave him and cut off contact with my mother. I wish him and my mom could understand the amount of distress they cause me, like the NT wife featured in this video has. I cannot go on like this. I would rather raise our children all by myself. I would like a video on what to do with an angry NT husband who is not open to counseling. Thank you.

[@Onelove858]

I'm NT and my heart goes out to you. I'm very understanding. We NT'S need counseling to help us understand more n more about how difficult it is for you and anyone on the spectrum. I had no idea it was that difficult for yall. It's difficult for us as well. Blessings

[@an_anishinaabe_son]

Your husband needs you to back him up!

[@mikewizoski7593]

I spent 7 years begging my autistic partner to help me keep a roof over my head. : ( I finally got a apartment and he made sure to hide his paycheck from me. I lost the apartment.

[@danjobry333]

When do you say enough is enough!!

[@eliz9489]

Hopefully before your physical health starts to deteriorate. Once that starts, you gotta go, you got leave to save yourself!

[@juliaevans9521]

Key point about "Im not cruticising you ..." as NT wife can feel every negative comment is and trigger argument.

[@shamanmermaidblackdragon]

🧠👍 - I get it, and, it’s, so, hard for, both, of us, to wake up and truly remember to see this, - instead of just reacting…, which is not truly “seeing” this. - and reroute and rewrite and override, all the, fore, established, wrong patterns. Darn brain cells!! Lawl…kidding. - I see, that he’s my and I’m his, SOURCE, of anxiety; Instead of each other’s “PEACE, Point, of no-anxiety. Make’s sense. -We just have to get use to this “new truth.” That is really Source’s Truth. ❤😢😮😅😊😂❤ And, then, “‘just do it.’”

[@juliaevans9521]

What is this NT ladies group? I think I have a candidate for you.

[@caramelfrappuccino234]

💙💚💜💛❤

[@patrowan7206]

Is there an NT men only group?

[@markhutten]

facebook.com/groups/399167304402578

[@famousse703]

is there a script we can send about not being wanna be his source of anxiety and help him

[@markhutten]

yes ...many ...but I'd need to talk to him to see what fits him.

[@famousse703]

@@markhutten he's a good guy but told me he may not be the one i want. i asked for requests about consistent communication, and offered open communication and constructive criticism which i just learned were a bad idea which resulted him indirectly calling me a bitch and assumed i was shaming him, resented him... which wasnt true. i just found out comm and neurology are different with them. i also have mild autism so i cant help but be honest but im trying to effectively and gently talk to him but he just leave my messages on read. he also said one time that he doesnt know if he can be able to find a reason to talk to me and my messages make him go further away :(

[@juliaevans9521]

Are there videos for husbands who are starting to realise they are autistic? To understand how to help them communicate in a new way with wife of 50+ years who doesnt understand ND yet?

[@raindrops4788]

The 1st lady is in for a long painful life if he doesn't change at all. You are not a child lady.. shouldn't be sleeping with one

[@thenativist3564]

God, her voice would send me over the edges. Good grief!

[@towzone]

Does this apply to me and my gay husband? The title says spouse but you mean wife. You seem quite sexist and heteronormative.

[@Lisa-pw2he]

If he meant wife, he would not have said spoise.. that may be a little to ASD literal for you, but it's accurate.

[@GWAYGWAY1]

@towzone My NT spouse is male, because I am ASD female…….

[@kaye_dee_did]

Male and female minds are different. That's not sexist. That's factual.