The Only Thing I Like About Being Alive

[@TheReal_Pim_Tool]

I don't know how this guy can kill it every time he comes out with a new special. He's like double jointed funny.

[@hd-xc2lz]

His writing partner/wife is due some recognition.

[@bnaevans]

She's a Jeannie in a bottle. She (along with Jim) grants our comedy wishes! 🧞‍♂️🍾🧞‍♀️🍾

[@richardpatterson4312]

Did I write this?

[@nextlevelbjj3083]

I think only people who drink alcohol like him

[@mikeymcmikeface5599]

Huh? This is the least funny comedian I have ever seen.

[@Devan-he4kr]

The transitions between his jokes are so brilliant. It’s like a well written essay.

[@whoever_81]

Indeed he is obviously a great comedy writer

[@jessicasmith7102]

LMAO

[@lorrie2878]

@@whoever_81 His wife writes with him.

[@hugh-johnfleming289]

He listens...

[@luxuryfox99]

Perfect description

[@robertreisner6119]

I am a former bartender and I can assure you that by 2am you become a Wild Life Officer.

[@StrangeScaryNewEngland]

Bartender by night, Fish & Game by morning

[@ashleytrueblood2200]

Amen!!!

[@althausz1]

What’s a wild life officer

[@robertreisner6119]

They are from the Forrest Division to protect wild life in the wilderness. You may find simular situation in bars after 2am.

[@seanmorelli2510]

Lol....yes I am as well and you said it perfectly :) lol the worst is ur slammed and they have waited for awhile til u get to them and then they stand there not sure what they want?? Just sorta going hmmmm let me see??? I'm like seriously after all that time u still don't know?? Like when i bartended at night clubs in las vegas people there r clueless..then they bitch ab the prices!! Yeah they r insane but it's like that at every club I don't make the prices!!! They come back and same thing all over again.

[@1purplerose]

Jim is one of the best comedians because he tells great, relatable jokes without cursing his way thru them!! He's so underrated. Keep 'em rolling!

[@Ericadbury]

The greatest are underrated. In the case of comedians, the clean ones are very underrated. See Brian Regan. And they've been around for a while.

[@branon6565]

proud2BaNurse....oh for fucks sake, where do you wussies come from? How do you survive on this planet? Cuz everyone who's normal knows you can't trust an adult who doesn't fucking cuss, cuz they're either hidin somethin or a batshit crazy religious whackjob.....

[@TulsaDude]

@@branon6565 how's Mr. Hankey's working out for ya? does it hurt?

[@mikeymcmikeface5599]

No, he's not.

[@cirrusfox8052]

Who gives a shit whether or not they cuss. "you can be funny without cursing" Well no shit Sherlock, what's your next case? You can be angry without cursing? Just because a comedian curses doesn't mean he's funny, on the flip side just because a comedian doesn't cuss don't mean he can't be funny. Comedy is subjective and is different to everyone, it doesn't matter if a comedian curses or not. If he is funny then people will watch him.

[@butcheryandbroth]

"This'll cure my normal behaviour" is so much gold. Jim you're one of the greatest, wish you would do more stand-up!

[@grapetomatogirl2141]

‘No ones ever drank a shot and done something they’re proud of.’ ‘Ahhh- I got wasted last night and then went out and *planted an acre of Kale* .’ Be well, stay kind and blessings to all~ 🙏🏼

[@smoovoperata3242]

"I got wasted last night and built some low income housing" im dead 😂

[@Ragnarok6664]

Id help out, but I’m sober at the moment

[@becarefulwhatyoufish4764]

That is a very good point. Nobody really offers people they don’t know to buy them something nice. For some reason it does only happen when it comes to shots at a bar. Nobody ever sees somebody standing at a bus stop or sidewalk and offers to buy them lunch. And nobody offers to buy strangers a shirt when they’re in a store.

[@b2therizzle917]

"He was standing where I wanted to stand, so I punched him in the head" I'm dead 🤣🤣

[@mikestat6206]

Ur aids

[@seanmorelli2510]

Watching his old stuff and seeing how he has matured as a comedian is amazing!!! His timing and polish have gotten to the point of perfection. The way he has incorporated that silly woman like voice that he pretends are comments from a person listening to his performance is priceless.....when he started doing it I thought it was funny but now he has perfected it to the point it's sorta his trademark thing and I totally look forward to him doing it everytime and what he will come up with each time :)

[@NUNU082380]

He's really a comedic genius though😁😂

[@krisanctil794]

Jim is crucial in our country's sanity during this tumultuous time. Taking some time for gut laughter is an important reprieve.

[@mikeo.1593]

His delivery is great

[@Whol3NothaL3v3l]

I can never get over that "He was standing where I wanted to stand" line

[@robertschwartz4810]

Everything he says about shots is absolutely true. Have you ever noticed the faces people make after they 'take' their shot?

[@Mary_O]

He's right about the faces of everyone who has put a shot in front of me. I'm 5'2" and most of my drinking years I was hovering around 100 lbs. I HAD to reject their crocheted sweaters.

[@1purplerose]

I like "giving" shots, but it's a different kind! LOL!

[@michaellefort6128]

My Dad used to say, *If you would start every day, with a shot of whiskey. You could be sure that nothing worse, would happen to you, today."

[@RackedandStacked]

@@michaellefort6128 dank saying 😂

[@christianone6611]

Jim, I appreciate you soooo much! You make me just belly laugh constantly and forget everything painful. You're just awesome. Thank you for all the laughter! (I'm a very serious minded introvert who, um, rarely laughs at anything. But you get me EVERY TIME!)

[@sammyspaniel6054]

You can't tell where one joke ends and the other begins. He's fluid funny.

[@mikehorton6195]

Jim after hearing how sad robin Williams was i am worried about your happiness. You seem really happy and well balanced. I hope you are, because it would hurt to think you give us all the joy you do if your not happy. I wish I could say that to robin. Can’t help but wonder and I know you read these. Thanks for the joy you bring others bro. Best to you and yours.

[@jeanneblondewomanstamping9788]

This is one if my all-time favorite Jim Gaffigan segments. It still cracks me up every time I see it. Sooooo many truths. Brilliant, hysterical, and masterfully delivered. 👏👏👏👏👏👏😎😎😎

[@sandinarvaez9439]

It always cracks me up when he speaks as someone else. 😂😂😂

[@fivestring65ify]

That's his ace.

[@Darkpassenger773]

Damn

[@laraoneal7284]

Yea that’s the critic sitting in the audience.

[@billwronski2415]

He 'borrowed' that from Louie Anderson.

[@whackamolechamp]

I love when anyone does it

[@GeminieCricket]

Truth hurts except when Jim Gaffigan tells it!

[@laraoneal7284]

Harley Deuce Exactly my stomach kills everytime listening to Jim. He kills me everytime.

[@william5751]

"I need a new identity. Maybe two of them." 😁

[@Kariegoz]

Become born again and receive a new identity in Christ!

[@caru3257]

@@Kariegoz you owe me a cup of coffee. LOL.

[@kitkatattack]

Yep. Bartender for nearly 17yrs. Always said it was like dealing with a bunch of drunk toddlers 👏 Don't miss it one bit 😅

[@scarletspyder5736]

Im a bartender and he is a million percent right! Lol

[@mrknarf4438]

Scarlet Spyder As a fellow bartender, can confirm

[@cucinare-da-zero]

Is one million percent right the same as two million proof right?

[@shilpvaishnav]

@@cucinare-da-zero lmao

[@bentleytheartist1717]

Scarlet Spyder How’s it like

[@mmonty6862]

I'd kill my self if had had to listen to a bunch of drunken pigs at 2 am every day

[@denisemcgeachy]

No one ever drank a shot and done something they are proud of.... #truth

[@josephmcadams1612]

Your mom did, but I don't understand why she is proud of you.

[@swill1020]

Hunter holman ... congrats on becoming the anti panty dropper. I can’t think of a time your question would cross my mind on a KZbin comment.

[@viljamtheninja]

I once drank a shot of whiskey, and then I drank more shots, until I had finished a whole fifth of whiskey in the form of multiple shots. I'm proud of that.

[@viljamtheninja]

@first last Not to mention the fact that many of the worlds greatest authors were also very heavy drinkers.

[@catherines2421]

Denise McGeachy drank a shot and then did something...

[@Ronagery]

TALENT with no vulgarity. Genius ! as usual

[@milesmcquerrey2836]

Fuck yeah!

[@jadenrobert2447]

Miles McQuerrey I fucking agree

[@bacht4799]

That’s was so brilliant about him .. it is so easy to curse like a sailor after a heartbreak on the sea but being clean and still funny.. now that’s is awesome.. which is why more cartoons for kids and young people deserve more respect.. but that’s another thing in itself..

[@viljamtheninja]

I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with being vulgar. I curse a lot in my everyday life. That's just how I speak. But there's nothing inherently funny about it either. Plenty of comedians replace clever writing and actual good jokes with stuff that is just shocking and vulgar on its own, and get by on that instinctive gut reaction in the audience to cover up the fact that they're not that good comedians. It's the equivalent of jump scares in horror; a cheap, momentary, startling effect rather than an intelligent, well-written scare that'll stick with you. Vulgar comedians can be funny, but not because of their vulgarity.

[@daniellin1726]

viljamtheninja Very well said.

[@noraO2833]

Jim is a Master at storytelling, ... effortless 🤩

[@Scavenger82]

"I need more juice!"

[@jja1483]

MasterQ 19 🍻😭😂

[@johnandrew1727]

“I kam here to read a novel” too funny.

[@crw31399]

Saw Jim perform last Friday. Was hilarious.

[@codyg0225]

I'm going to see this guy in 2 days, very excited

[@Mary_O]

Cody - You're going to have "breathing problems." 🤣 Bring your inhaler.

[@haranguemeringue8957]

Cody G02 He’s even funnier during live shows, as he’ll often tailor his set to the location where he is by tossing in a couple extra jokes here & there. Seamlessly & hilariously, of course. 😁 Enjoy his show! 😁

[@Death2Progressives]

mississippi?

[@codyg0225]

@@Death2Progressives yep

[@Death2Progressives]

i stay in clinton, so been hearing the adverts for awhile. have fun bro

[@susanbradigan4692]

Why doesn't he just legally change his name to Laffagain????

[@IKamiZz]

probably wants to keep his family name

[@susanbradigan4692]

@@IKamiZz well that makes sense......JJ ✌

[@PaleGhost69]

He doesn't need to change it. He can just use it as the name for a Special

[@sbounty3]

Have you thought about a career in stand up??

[@ocorley4646]

😲😲😲

[@johnbarone8948]

Jim is the best comic in the world. Naturally funny with out filthy talk or more importantly NO POLITICS!!

[@hh7407]

Jim Gaffigan stand up comedy is the best part about being alive.

[@michelledenman4746]

Such an underrated comedian! 😭💕

[@urkoolUncle]

He's one of my favorites; ALWAYS good for down-to-earth laugh !!!

[@bradychick6535]

Mine 2😎

[@JimElford]

Any other comedian and these stories would be decent. It's the delivery, the dynamic range of voices and sounds. He's like an instrument of insanity played by God's hippy cousin.

[@JEiowan]

JimElford -I so agree and I like your imagery....🙏🏽✨💖✨

[@alienonion4636]

😂😂😂 I tended for 5 years...that was thirty five years ago...my ears are still ringing from all the shouting and loud music. But at least I don't need therapy anymore...😂😂😂

[@garyschmidt7320]

Me too. Worked on Wed., Fri. and Sat. night. Ears still ringing Thurs. and Monday.

[@oscarrosenwald4001]

I was a bar back. He's right.

[@robjohnson7878]

I think I’ve watched it five or six times and it’s STILL too funny. Jimmy the comedic genius!!

[@TheFinalStanza94]

"this will cure my normal behavior" laugh because it's funny, cry because it's true lol

[@pla6ue]

I will never understand why people thumbs down things that aren't offensive. Jim is one of the few clean comics that still manages to be hilarious

[@codrinn9999]

You are gay

[@pla6ue]

@@codrinn9999 That's what your Dad keeps telling me at least.

[@timmmahhhh]

Because some humans just outright suck as this vod neki tool confirms.

[@watchingyou7219]

@@codrinn9999 Junior high school jerks are not allowed in the grown-up section.

[@mike74h]

Holding their phones upside down

[@MD77SA]

I think it's crazy that this comedic genius even gets one thumbs down. This video has 780. I guess it just goes to show there are trolls standing by at all times to do stupid and destructive things.

[@w.c.dogside1204]

That's the most honest depiction of my alcoholism ever.

[@jbostick99ify]

Gaffigan and Brian Regan are the kings of clean comedy! If they toured together I'm pretty sure it would tear a hole in the space time continuum

[@lostintheclouds8719]

Lol i only clicked on this b/c of the title and I am lmao-ing to the point of tears. I’ve never watched Jim gaffigan but I’m gonna change that now lol

[@franciscogil6798]

This guy manages to make you laugh without cussing that's his trademark (and he is not boring)

[@sk-wj4lx]

The only time I consumed shots like that was while my grandmother was in hospice, and though it did end in falling down and other drunken behaviours, turns out my grandma could really party back in the day to the point of needing my granddad to bring her home in a wheelbarrow one Xmas. So it was a fitting sendoff. Love you Grandma.

[@patriciahoequist-breeze7036]

When my grandmother was at home with end of life care with hospice, she wanted me to make us margaritas. We sat up looking out the picture window drinking them and having a nice talk. Sounds like our grandmas wanted some fun!

[@MRKABOOM12]

Jim is a great comedian and performer. One of his phrases, "self-awareness disarms the audience" has stuck with me for so long. It has been golden. Thank you; you are fucking funny while being clever.

[@charlescrowell4981]

"Gimme a double shot of tequila." Now them's fightin' words!

[@wesuhlee777]

Was a casino bartender for six years and all of this is so truthful

[@MLMLW]

I'm going to see Jim in Sugar Land, TX next month. I can't wait!!

[@Stbuster31]

That barback bit was pretty gold

[@TheBiggerDavo]

The crowded bar bit is so very accurate

[@paulettecolvert]

Hotpockets! I always do a,bad impression of him ! People don't always get it, but he's a gift that keeps on giving, ( for me)!!!!!!

[@tobyhampton8631]

Some random dude bought me a shot of jack on my 21st. And then he asked why I was still drinking

[@EskenRock]

My mother laughed her ass off yesterday. Thanks Jim for the comedy gold!

[@Emilyrsps]

I'm going to start buying people jalapeno poppers! We need more jalapeno poppers in the world.

[@barb7124]

Bless you

[@diveinstructordaniel1095]

Emily Richter i don’t know what it is but I want it now

[@a.sweetpeac.2281]

Sounds tasty, & spicy! 🌶

[@sarahgraves6759]

I miss the smoked brisket jalapeño poppers I used to make.

[@noreenpurple8617]

Jim is flippin hilarious!🤣😂❤️

[@maryanndavis8580]

I saw him in concert and I laughed so much my face and sides hurt. So so funny. Real life funny!!

[@dorothywiseman3492]

Brilliant. Jim does it all without the "f" word. Imagine that!

[@rare80]

This KZbin clip will cure my normal behavior…

[@TightMoneyGripp813]

😎🍻

[@JenLovesBenz]

I'm going to go punch the wall.

[@atlienn2566]

“But handing you a beer, not yet”😂😂😂

[@DodirAnelaIntuitivnoOtvaranje]

Omg the comparison is so on point.. exactly my thoughts when working in "a restaurant" that mostly had drunk customers bitching about their past..I felt I was trapped in kindergarden😂

[@mycupoverflows7811]

I don't spend time in bars, but I spend a lot of time around toddlers... Spot on!😂🤣

[@nigelfarage4119]

He does it without being Vulgar as well.....tough feat

[@milesmcquerrey2836]

Fuck yeah!

[@22fordfx49]

@@dezzahayes6492 Why is that? Farage is the only hope for Britain you fool

[@dezzahayes6492]

22fordfx4 you know that’s not actually him don’t you?

[@22fordfx49]

@@dezzahayes6492 Ahh no shit. Go live in London with your multiculturalism and crime. Oh wait I'm sure you live in the white part of town. Farage is the only sane politician in the UK that's willing to stop this insanity

[@nigelfarage4119]

Its too bad there aren't evolution arbiters with guns for some of these cunts commenting.

[@FL8mileshigh1]

I saw Jim at Caroline's Comedy Club in NYC many years ago. At the time, I didn't know who he was. After seeing Jim's comedy routine that night, I have been a fan ever since and have purchased many of his comedy DVDs. "Hot Pockets."

[@gundorstoneskin5900]

He is underrated.

[@parryyotter]

He had a TV show and has done like 7 specials. He’s definitely not underrated.

[@noxnc]

“I need more juice”

[@VUrban-yr5ch]

I think he's a truly what a comedian should be. I think the one's who swear can't be funny on their own. Don Rickles comes to mind. I'm not sure if he ever sweared, but I thought he was great. I saw him around 1980 in Chicago. Loved him on Carson. I bet Carson would've loved Jim🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣💯

[@pattikallal6628]

Just love you. You always make me laugh.

[@cliffordthebigredlurk6797]

"He was standing where I wanted to stayyuund...so I punched him in tha head" 🤣

[@joelettermen9059]

I think what truly shows Gaffigan's talent is that I don't know why I'm laughing. These are normal ass jokes that anybody could tell, and if anybody else was telling them, I wouldn't laugh. But there's something about him...

[@jasonlove1380]

Joe Lettermen It’s all about the tone you talk In and the delivery of the joke.

[@yargnad]

The only thing I like about being alive is knowing that fact will eventually end.

[@nootnoot630]

hey buddy, you aight?

[@dabossman5650]

yarg nad O

[@rs72098]

That was dark...

[@christophercollins3632]

You know there’re people that enjoy crushing crowds, like packed bars, subways and dance floors, and attend those venues just for that.

[@ang_ro]

Those people are definitely not my kinda people. Weird.

[@jarredjones3358]

I could see it. I like going to really shitty bars and staying at shitty hotels. Don't know why, but something about a dingy seedy bar just makes me happy. One thing good about a shitty bar is that the bottled domestic beer (read: Miller, Budweiser, or Coors) is always cryogenic-level cold.

[@preciousmetalhead5155]

On the off chance a pretty girl rubs against your nether regions, crowds can have their upside too.

[@theguaable]

I always attend subway venues for the crowds... or to get a train.

[@heyyou9693]

I have a breathing problems when I watch Gaffigan.

[@lynnturman8157]

and a plural agreement problem

[@heyyou9693]

@@lynnturman8157 well says. I would have corrected myself to.

[@lynnturman8157]

@@heyyou9693 LOL...great reply

Hey You 96 apparently not. You misspelled too.

[@jaycouture5950]

One of the funniest guys in Comedy.

[@catcall569]

You look at the people who have gotten the a Mark Twain prize for humor and then there’s Jim Gaffigan... The moral of this story...some awards are just given to be given. Jim Deserves.

[@Splash111]

Easily the BEST comedian.

[@markmartin5765]

A sure comic genius. I could listen to his takes on anything for hours!

[@jessewallace12able]

Let’s get right to the embarrassing part of the night.

[@MrPutrifyingEagor]

A new fan here! What some refreshing talent! Funny all the way through!

[@paulhardman457]

As always... A masterclass 😂😂🤣

[@Backflipmarine]

What he said about barbacks hit true for me, I've been the barback in so many of those situations

[@deleted44]

As a bartender and a former bar back, 100%. I felt bad that I couldn't serve, but I wasn't 21 yet and wasn't licensed

[@n0ch91c3s]

Even for Jim Gaffigan, this is exceptional.

[@Aaron-in7lt]

I drank in high school, but alcohol lost all its Mystique for me when I turned 21 it seems people use it as an excuse to misbehave. I may have said this before, but there are a lot of excellent mocktails and non-alcoholic beers. My favorite is Guinness in a can but there's also everything from Becks to Heineken to Saint Pauli Girl. Bottoms Up Pooh Bear😊

[@scorpiusstellium9758]

"I like the lines..." 😂😂😂

[@crlguitar1]

So true....so funny....LOVE Jim Gaffigan!

[@fivestring65ify]

I used to play in a bar band and I've seen all of what he's talking about. I miss playing in a band, but I don't miss the bar scene at all.

[@tommy3763]

Does everybody act like a child? Did the gig pay well?

[@winecrimesfoodandtime7119]

Me either

[@melindac3368]

Thank you SO MUCH for making me laugh!

[@nikoskabbadias]

As a barback: Its not handing you a beer thats a problem. It s the guy next to you whos gon ask for 15 cocktails whose ingredients include every fruit known to man, a tiger's claw and a flower that only grows on Everest, whose names he doesnt even know or is too drunk to pronounce, and the lady next to him who wants to complaint that she s been waiting for 20 minutes and that her cocktail had rapsberries instead of strawberries, while 200 angry drunk people wait to get served. Fuck that, I m carrying my cases. Bartenders get paid enough and are drunk enough to deal with that shit. PLUS The whole place just ran out of vodka, and if I dont go to get some for each and every bartender in 20 seconds, the bartenders will be devoured by the thirsty Orcs

[@ajvintage9579]

Best comment ever!!!

[@in3audio932]

Uh. That Bartender-attention-part reminded me why I never visit bars anymore.

[@alexandrashipula5852]

I didn't go to a bar from 1998 to 2000. Then 2001 to 2014. Once.then another over 1 year. Someone told me Steve was going to bars behind my BACK. I havnt gone to a bar again for another long stretch .they arent places for 52 year olds. Steve was the "alcoholic brother" he told me and i saw his Dad drunk and he started coming at me. Saying he "knew people".

[@anthonytaylor7607]

Thank you for talking, I can now cross that off my bucket list Bless you

[@mpage2654]

As a former bartender, I can tell you , tip well the first drink,, and we'll give you more attention the rest of the night.

[@nikicee92]

"This is the only thing I like about being alive" 🤣😄🤣

[@deltahomicide9300]

That pulverized me LOL

[@raygengamer8440]

I’m started a bit early. I’m 29 and it’s one of the few things worth living for. I’m also a comedian at heart. As In I had a fucked up childhood and I am dead inside!! So I have twisted Roseanne bar style humor. Good day

[@brrjohnson8131]

I spent my 20's & 30's burning the candle at both ends. No regrets. Old age slows you down eventually...naturally.

[@2490debrick]

We Brits drink because it's the only real "special relationship" that truly exists!

[@eligebrown8998]

I'm from the u.s. and I agree

[@ukmedicfrcs]

Speak for yourself. I have never tasted alcohol in my life.

[@OldRaver]

We Brits would die out as a race if we did not get pissed enough in our twenties to talk to the opposite sex 😂😂

[@ImpeccableLiving]

​@@ukmedicfrcs That explains a lot about you *UK Fraud.* Have a drink idiot!

[@valerieparker2242]

@@ImpeccableLiving Jeez. You are a jerk

[@joyceannbarton2868]

ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂