The pain of not getting what you want

Your confidence of finding a spouse is impacted by your fear of not getting what you want, that determines the type of spouse you're looking for
You can work with me here:
www.lamaabouba...

[@aminah761]

I’m 44 and not married Masha Allah I try to remain grateful for what I do have n not focus on not being married

[@towardsjannah1657]

Where you from?

[@tehreemraza123]

May Allah grant you an amazing pious spouse as well. Everything happens at its assigned time. But yeah.... there's soooo much more to life than marriage!

[@madhere0990]

Be grateful you do not deal with intractable physical pain or health issues on top of that sis , some of us are tested with even more than singlehood

[@belkiscevra5338]

My uncle was 50 years old when he get married, he never had any relationship before and he was very shy and not trying anyithing,but after that maaaany years he found his truly soul mate because he made a new step

[@ajam3086]

That's the best way to say it Sis, wisdom!

[@sage9710]

your video just gave me an epiphany about my situation!! I was feeling insecure and ruminating on whether someone finds me attractive etc but then I realized that it is Allah's approval that I must seek and not some person

[@JuneMoons]

Don’t listen to the hate comments, it’s only a projection of what they lack/desire and they are missing the whole point, and we can only hope that InShAllah one day they’ll heal 😭 keep posting and being you

[@SrikandiMelayu]

Your videos are so beneficial for me. I feel much better because I feel like you validated my feelings and worries. Sometimes it really hard to be single when I see my peers are getting married or having a partner. But now I realized that maybe Allah wants to test me and it doesn't mean that the marriage would never happen. It will happen when Allah wants it to happen. Thank you so much!

[@abdiqanifeyruz]

you are new to youtube but you sound very experienced in what you are teaching , MashaAllah,you also got a sense of humor, which i really enjoy.

[@maryamkhalid2778]

Such a beautiful message! I'm going through a phase similar to this, and this is exactly how I've managed my thoughts. If it happens, Alhamdulillah. If it doesn't, Alhamdulillah. Allah knows what I'm looking for, He knows me best. I just think there's no point of rushing a relationship like marriage. It's literally a decision that sticks with you for the rest of your life, and should definitely be made with the best mindset and wisdom, instead of pressure and expectations. I know how it feels to be a kid in a marriage that feels forced. Or a marriage that 'just happened because of circumstances'. I would never want to put my kids (who are not even born yet!) in a situation like that. Its traumatising and mentally exhausting. So, since I'm the one making decisions for my life, and I'm the adult here, it's best to let Allah's plan unfold. And it always amazes me so much that people like to call out women who try to make good or slow decisions related to marriage like they're selfish for not wanting it or not having kids. Like, it's not that we don't want it. It's more like we're super protective of the home/family we want already. I think its intimidating for most people when they find out that you know what you want out of something.

[@ajam3086]

Not just life , you will also be with your spouse in the afterlife

[@ajam3086]

Besides marriage there are so much that we could be doing with our time, it's not easy I know as a single person myself, but you could contributing to society, advancing in your field, learning Islam etc. The more we busy ourselves and keep making dua for a good outcome life will be easier

[@Hira-s5r]

Your videos are amazing and so calming. Since I started watching your videos, I got rid of my loneliness. Now I’m more focused on my daily life. Thank you sister 😊

[@sallyatef487]

oh lama🌹, you're so sweet, I realy like your mindset and your hejab style too😂❤. you changed the way I think regarding marriage and life for good.. so may allah bless you ❤🥰thanks a million dear sister ❤

[@aneesaa4240]

- 2 extremes of people: Too obsessed with not getting what you want (married) vs feel apathetic, brain shutting down, not caring on getting married,(mask the idea of tawakkul). - shift to mindset of idk if it will happen to me but as long as Allah is pleased with me. - We're tested by our reactions of not getting what we want. - will feel lonely at times but I'm gonna utilise blessings from Allah, am I passing the test that Allah's giving me? - reframe the brain from thinking I will feel fulfilled by getting married. - when you submit to not getting what you want, it becomes so much easier to get the thing that you want. - what is the fear that will happen if you dont get what you want and work backwards and see the reason behind it.

[@hausafilmstv]

Instagram's loss... KZbin's win. KZbin's better anyways. But inshaAllah you get it back. May Allah continue to bless us with your wisdom. Jazakillah khairan!

[@Aliz.A-Media]

Summary: Let go of your obsessions to what you want! This way you will get it in a much better way than being needy or obsessed! Desiring of that thing creates a luck of it and = not getting it! Free yourselves from such feelings! Thanks, sister Lama! Much appreciation for such great works!

[@AlyshaMaq]

so we shouldn’t be needy/obsessed, but are we allowed to still want it and make dua for it? or do we just let it go entirely and it should come to us that way?

[@Aliz.A-Media]

​@AlyshaMaq As long as you are not rushing with your Du's and not begging it even from Allah SWT, he will grant you if it's good and written for you! You must completely let go of that neediness towards anyone or anything to feel completely in peace and out of pressure. That's the time when you will become much more attractive and your Du's will get answered. That's how you must learn to lean on Allah and Tawakkul! It takes time to free ourselves from this addictive obsession, some people cry for it. they feel so much pressure when they see other people having it outside ( not necessarily out of jealousy). If you remember how Ismail AS was returned back to Ibrahim by letting it go and rely on Allah. Yaghob AS had to let go of his obsession towards yousuf AS. That's the way letting go works in Human Psychology. May Allah guide us and grant us more knowledge! Your brother 💐 Assalam.

[@ydlgaming1236]

Thank you for making this video! Jazakallahu Khairan! I am a 22 year old guy struggling to find peace. You are making a positive impact for the youth.

[@wendyslm8147]

I have to tell you I LOVE YOUR VIDEOS!!! really i do! I love that you talk about things a lot of human beings feel but don’t really express with other human beings. I’ve felt the feeling you talk about in this video for a long time and it was hard to accept them because i didn’t feel comfortable enough to talk about it with other human beings, felt really lonely. And to see you talking about these issues and giving solutions to them feels really reassuring! I was looking for content like yours in youtube for a long time but didn’t find any, i feel so happy to have found your videos!!! God put you in my way and i’m very grateful ma shaa Allah!

[@plebz1]

Salaam sis. I (M30) met and spoke to a great woman months ago and I chose to walk away as I had things going on which I needed to sort and didn’t want to fall into any more haraam of meet ups / talking etc. It was tough for both of us and although she was willing to wait by my side, I felt it was the right thing to do as I couldn’t speak to her family at that stage. She was on mind all that time and my plan was to sort things and return. Recently, which was approx 5 months since we last spoke - I proposed to her and they said no as they had moved on, their family had found someone for them (for context, this is the first time I’ve proposed to a woman after years of rejecting proposals presented to me). I’ve experienced grief for the first time and unsure where to go from here. I was anticipating finally getting married for months in my head so this was a shock. Not sure if there’s any advice on this but thought I’d share as I know our rizq is written but in this context, because in my head she was mine and I was hers it’s really affected me. Especially with how we were when we last spoke ie both distraught that this had to end.

[@NS-ov9sm]

@plebz1- if Allah took something away from you that you could never imagine he will bless you with something you could’ve never imagined. I am sure it would be extremely difficult but keep going on, keep yourself busy..join a islamic course, learn a new skill, take care of your body, spend time with your family…and believe that something beautiful will come out of this. May Allah make it easy for you.

[@plebz1]

@@NS-ov9sm thank you 🙏🏼

[@bekhal9827]

Love you. Your content is so useful and effective. JazakaAllah

[@sab990]

keep posting videos

[@animeburst3114]

Physical needs left the chat😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@rizwanktk5539]

Mean?

[@altwab]

Meaning that for us (mostly men)we have needs and it cannot be met in a halal way without a spouse. This is probably 1000% the reason why majority of men want to get married. But I appreciate the perspective here (which is very female-oriented). It’s beneficial, despite it downplaying the obvious. But yeah the problem here is that Marriage for Muslims is not just a “path for self actualization”. It is the only legitimate way to meet our physical needs in a halal way - something non Muslims start experiencing in their early teens when they start “dating”. That means the real difficulty lies in avoiding doing haram things while finding someone. But as the sister said, it is a trial from Allah SWT so we try our best and remain steadfast and patient no matter what

[@rizwanktk5539]

@@altwab Right, got it. yeh physical need is very essential. As a man 29 it's really tough to cope the craving but i keep patience. Sometimes i get frustrated to go for Haram but my inner self hold me back. I believe without a spouse a man life is just a barren land. I feel something is missing.

[@altwab]

@@rizwanktk5539 may Allah SWT make things easy for you brother. May Allah keep us patient and steadfast and grant us a righteous wife

[@YellowDragonFruit2.0]

Why do your videos and talks always be released exactly when I need them? Subhanallah! Sign of Allahs blessing. Btw, Haters gonna hate! Just ignore. Don't waste your time or energy on them. Keep going! You are helping so many people. May Allah bless you and increase you. ❤ A Sister from ICGA 😃

[@abbyk7341]

jazakallahi kheir for another spot on video! Looking forward to hearing your video on self talk and loneliness

[@aminah761]

New subscriber 😊 Masha Allah ur videos are benifical 😊 . May Allah reward u

[@amiraahmed1829]

Brilliant advice Mashallah Alhumabarik. May Allah swt continue to protect you Ameen

[@omarhamdy8288]

I’m 46 and not married, it’s all good either way, please keep making your videos, you are helping the Muslim brothers and sisters

[@ajam3086]

May Allah SWT bless you with a good spouse and good outcome Ameen

[@omarhamdy8288]

Ameen

[@4sara12]

Thank YOU and JazakAllah khayr for doing these videos. It really helps. May Allah bless you endlessly, ameen!!

[@bagzhansadvakassov1093]

If only I found this six years ago. May Allah bless you sister.

[@viviantejada]

Love your channel just found it alhamdulilah

[@Asim-Gul]

Remember ! I listen to you.

[@doniaabdalla9687]

I love your videosssss

[@Mymy-oj5dn]

Thank you for your advices ❤ watching you from France

[@inas-y8b]

The feeling another man gives you as a women is nothing compared to anything else. Not the love of friends or any of your family member, not even your selflove. And it doesn't mean that you are not fulfilled but this one emotion or connection subhanallah can just be comming from someone else. Let me know if someone has a different opinion, i would like to hear other thoughts as well 😊

[@hamidar2041]

Maybe initially... like the first 2 years... I think that's infatuation you are talking about

[@hureennazahah2280]

This is the 1st week for my 1st real job as HR.. but im so demotivated and skipped work 2x this week.. this one guy really affects me. And i really wanna get out of this situation

[@YaAllahswt]

Jazakallah khayr ukhti

[@s.h.3622]

I really appreciate your videos! I fully agree with you. When I get disappointed or heartbroken, I pray to Allah to give me a purpose. Something I can focus on that can give me a sense of fulfillment and add meaning to my life. And Allah has now guided me to write a very special book. And I am so grateful to Him for that. Yes, I get the feeling of love from other sources such as my personal relationship with Allah and my family. I get a sense of purpose from other tasks that Allah has given me to do. My life is full of blessings alhamdulilah. But sometimes I wish that I could get to experience that companionship that only a man and woman can experience together. And sometimes I wish it could happen before I turn 30. Sexual intimacy is one thing we definitely can't get from anyone else. So I guess the hard part for some is realising that they might never be able to experience true, halal sexual intimacy. How to come to terms with that? Any tips for that? Thank you!

[@mufin788]

Please, can you make a video of how to heal from childhood,young adulthood trauma and abuse ? Like every time I try to explain to my parents the damage they did to me and my siblings,they always dismiss the things they did to me and my siblings and be like is this what you remember? Bad memories and they become so defensive,and say some surahs in the Quaran that say that children have to respect their parents no matter what their parents do, including abuse(verbally and physically.) Thank you for your videos.

[@1OddlyOdd]

Honey you can’t talk to the person who hurt you, about how hurt you are. Step into your parents shoes for a moment and imagine how you would react (as them not as yourself). It’s awkward and futile, what is the outcome of all of it at the end? You want them to admit it in your face, tell you you’re right and set everything straight. You want them to take “responsibility” but the truth is that’s not how life works. Because number 1. They’re your parents, you HAVE to choose compassion, mercy and forgiveness for them because Allah wants you to do it, and Allah wants nothing but ease for you, so try following what Allah is telling you and see how you change perspective on reality. Number 2. Your soul NEEDS something from YOU that you’re not giving it. You’re needlessly suffering because you keep searching for someone to save you, when Allah says we have no help or guardian except for Allah. You have to understand you always have a choice to make, you’re not a infant who depends on someone else to make your environment work for you, or a child who doesn’t know right from wrong. Your soul is always moving either up or down, you either reach higher imaan or the devil drags you further down. either you keep unconsciously listening to the devils whisperings and it becomes impossible for you to show proper gratitude and repentance to God, or you turn your nafs and soul towards Allah and you seek the truth and you seek a way out of your difficult situation by looking inwards and getting to know Allah. Don’t postpone opening the Quran and reading it with the intention of understanding Allah words that are written for YOU. There’s great wisdom and it solves any problem in this world. As for your parents, there nothing more you can do, it’s done honey the past is done. There’s nothing there for you anymore. You’re parents did what did what they did but have mercy on them, have mercy like you want Allah to have mercy on you. Just ask Allah for a way out of this difficulty and He will respond to you. I know it might be difficult to read this now, but there’s no harm in just hearing me out and testing it for yourself, for your own fragile hearts sake. When My servants ask you ˹O Prophet˺ about Me: I am truly near. I respond to one’s prayer when they call upon Me. So let them respond ˹with obedience˺ to Me and believe in Me, perhaps they will be guided ˹to the Right Way 2:186

[@shasantv]

I find your videos insightful however, I wonder if the content is gender specific like made for females only. Please advise. Thanks.

[@zebamaliha8901]

❤❤❤❤

[@inas-y8b]

Would you recommend Muslim Dating Apps? Or should i just wait until someone comes into my life?

[@tellul8r]

This is a serious question- if one doesn’t have marriage in this life how do they not fall into sin? They have human desires and needs and will resort to zina.

[@Loveallahswwtttt777]

sister im feeling suicidal i have been through too much trauma

[@towardsjannah1657]

May ALLAH ease your pain❤

[@PrynceKhan]

I've been through a lot of trauma too all throughout my life. The one thing that keeps me going is that Allah is testing me because he loves me and he has a great reward in store for me. The same can be said about you dear sister/brother. And not to scare or offend you, but suicide will take you directly to hell. So don't even think about it. Stay strong and don't give up. The tests are only temporary but The rewards are eternal!

[@AaliyahBergtop]

Assalaam alikoem I have add alhamdoulillah but I really trying to but how can I apply this with add I hope in sha Allah you will answer 🥹💕