The People You're Paying to Be in Shorts | Dorktown

It’s 2011. For Michael Jordan, the year ahead will be a very strange one. Once a player who could seemingly deliver championships through sheer force of will, the owner of the Charlotte Bobcats is finally developing the one skill he had always denied himself: patience. Nothing about that is easy, and nothing about the lovable, unforgettable 2011-2012 Bobcats will be easy. But as much as he despises losing, Mike has always seemed to love the struggle.
Dorktown presents THE PEOPLE YOU’RE PAYING TO BE IN SHORTS, a new feature-length documentary from Secret Base. Director Jon Bois and producer Alex Rubenstein wrote and narrated this one alongside Seth Rosenthal and Kofie Yeboah.
Rights specialist: Lindley Sico
Secret Base executive producer: Will Buikema
Secret Base managing editor: Ryan Nanni
Most stats found via Stathead (basketball-reference.com)
A couple of goofs to point out:
1:02:50 - Typo in the citation. Wright Thompson’s profile of Michael Jordan was published on February 22nd, 2013.
1:32:47 - The Bobcats were separated from the next-worst team by five wins, not five losses.
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[@jarodarmstrong]

The Bobcat Emergency

[@Alex_Off-Beat]

Bobcats are special people

[@4077Disc]

that was a Pretty Good play on words...

[@maxbaldridge89]

Goldthwait is probably ecstatic.

[@themediumprofessor]

Bobs are emergent as everyone knows

[@GoSwissArmy]

Pog

[@lids34]

The fact that I can experience this for free on demand is incredible.

[@gabdex83]

I tell people I spend more time on KZbin than any other platform because of videos like these. It really is insane.

[@KTF0]

@@gabdex83 Yeah, KZbin can be better than TV sometimes.

[@David-iv6je]

This soundtrack is of unparalleled quality.

[@Nupeguy16]

Not so loud man lol

[@chipdspenser]

Ikr, yay for technology. This sure beats 4 channels.

[@Free-4554]

I love how each narrator had a unique role: Alex spends his time talking focusing on the numbers (like a normal dorktown episode) Seth focused more on narratives and personalities (like a beef hisotry or rewinder) Kofie talked about the impact of the team as a North Carolinian And Jon basically spent most of his voice lines on MJ. At points he sounded like he was having a weird conversation with Jordan, as if he was a disembodied voice in Mike's head.

[@cobyschoolman290]

as a north carolinian growing up in these days, kofie echoed some very real thoughts

[@DeathsWhistle]

Great video. Simply just another Jon Bois classic

[@sabotower1792]

Alex did a Dorktown Seth did a Rewinder Kofie talked about the social impact of the team Jon hung out in that hotel room with Lonnie Smith and Kieth Hernandez

[@northstarjakobs]

@@sabotower1792 Pretty Good deep-cut right there

[@hackingtuturugate5557]

They all brought different strengths to the video, it is a big part of why it is so good and why it draws you into the narrative. I don't care about the 11-12 Bobcats, but dammit, now I do.

[@bryantwelch6624]

I was a ranked top 15 player in NBA 2k5 back in the day and there was a guy that was ranked high as well that only played with the Bobcats. He was under 500 and ranked very high still because well,he only played with the Bobcats lol. He told me that he was from that area and that will be the team he rides with. I hope he gets a chance to watch this all these years later.

[@hiimemily]

That man is a hero.

[@Raphmatic5000]

I stopped playing 2K every year, but I played the Nets after the KG trade debacle and I decided to jump in again after the Kyrie and KD trades, something about carrying your home team to promised land just makes me want to play.

[@ethanniedorowski116]

Celtics are fun to play with

[@realemmcee]

oh hey, @hiimemily i've seen you in todd in the shadows comments section - nice to see a fellow todd and secret base watcher 😁

[@ezell704]

Man, every year I played exclusively with the bobcats but that sweet allure of trying a half way decent team always broke me down after a couple of months 😂

[@SometimesCompitent]

Never forget they're called the Bobcats because the team owner was named Bob.

[@SamBrickell]

*Robert "Bob" Johnson:* "So have you finished that naming study yet?" *employee with visible panic as he realizes he forgot:* "Yeah, Bob"(looks out window in a panic; sees alleycat)"Cats." *Robert "Bob" Johnson:* "Bobcats! I love it!"

[@blarneystone38]

Funny how many Bobs there used to be in sports, huh?

[@bradhorowitz2765]

…of course a bob owned the team!

[@YogSoth]

Yeah that was in the video

[@Slatt420slime]

Masterpiece

[@velvetjonez06]

"Gerald Henderson is hurt and Corey Maggette is hurt and Boris Diaw is French" 😂😂😂

[@TheR999]

Pray for Dias 😢

[@ambskater97]

@@TheR999 Not even prayer can save the Fr*nch 😔

[@Crowald]

Funniest shit i've heard all year, by much longer of a distance than Boris ever bothered to throw.

[@nunyabiz6532]

Boris Diaw is one of the best all-purpose forwards and ahead of His time, both in His Suns and Spurs stints (No im Not french)

[@jsondoan2561]

1:00:35 Replay button

[@TheSoulHarvester]

Jon Bois is the Michael Jordan of talking about Michael Jordan.

[@Inn0IWNL]

That's why he's the goat, the goooooooooaaaaattttt! (I'm talking about Jon)

[@Spidahman4283]

RIP Paul Silas. This season is not all you are remembered for, but you were a champ for not quitting on this team. Thanks for everything. - Hornets/Bobcats fan

[@razkable]

Doesn't Silas have two nba rings

[@rylancharron2674]

@@razkable3, all as a player

[@timforti]

you poor soul (bobcats fan)

[@kNaild]

Honestly Stephen and Paul Silas were my favorite in this whole thing the father son story is heart wrenching

[@leeartlee915]

Wait, that team has fans? Damn, y’all are troopers.

[@yvesmija]

the Diop free throw segment had me in tears 💀

[@joecelbetonio7110]

The anticipation and buildup of diop frer throw is insane!!

[@liamrab6]

had me wondering “how bad could this possibly be?” i had no idea

[@MrDevilRays]

"And Boris Diaw is French" had me rolling

[@Thomaas551]

Where is that?

[@Seanobb]

@@Thomaas551 about 50 minutes in

[@KC_Trimble]

i hope this particular group of people never stops doing this. i want to be watching a two and a half hour documentary on the 2052 Buffalo Sabres when i'm 80 years old.

[@lucasbell4831]

I'm gonna demand a second instalment of their Seattle Mariners docu-series when it's 2065 and they still haven't won anything.

[@kxr24231]

I personally can't wait for sports to merge into one great league and we get a Rewind of the Chicago Bulls hitting a 46 foot putt to defeat the Calgary Stampeders in extra time to win Super Bowl CVII

[@msdsez]

@@kxr24231 Go Peders!

[@msdsez]

@@lucasbell4831 I'll be a hundred and six in 2065. I wanna see that too.

[@extragoogleaccount6061]

If Jon Bois tries to stop....don't worry, I'll catch him out in the wild and lock him in a studio with a billion old sports books and sports cards. It might be wrong to keep your spirit animal in a cage, but it'll be something that needs to be done - if he ever stops.

[@InfamousInvictis]

"He loses for a living and he cannot be defeated." That's a raw line.

[@TimMitch13]

Jon’s commitment to calling MJ “Mike” and the way he treated him calling him Michael Jordan as a huge reveal is incredible. ESPECIALLY since every other narrator has already called him Michael Jordan so many times

[@assrammington7961]

Never heard of him

[@zivuhz]

@@assrammington7961based off his experience as owner, i bet he was pretty bad at basketball himself

[@Pocketrocket-pj1us]

I'm not 100% sure, I'm not from the U.S of America. I do think he was a guy in the U.S 80s Player/character. I remember, he was in a game on my friends computet where he shot flying ones, on the woods. I'm trying to think and reach my friend in Kenya. Okay, it took a 30 minutes but he did tell me the name of the game Its calleed Jordan Vs Birds So I'm glad I remembered that part right. I never got to play becquse the one friend I told you about would have many people to his home but we had good timers I'm goin to go look for if th3 game on youtubes. Nice to talk with you. Have good times.

[@Cr3zant]

@@assrammington7961 Michael Jordan is one of the single greatest basketball players to ever live, widely considered by many to be THE greatest.

[@assrammington7961]

@@Cr3zantyeah. Have never heard of him. Weird. Maybe I just don’t like basketball

[@northstarjakobs]

I really loved the way that Jon conversationally chatting with Michael "Mike" Jordan was the emotional through-line of this entire documentary. Just felt right.

[@Pbairsoftman]

He’s taken the form of a trickster god, only of this earth to torment the egos of the rich and powerful

[@dabeamer42]

After all, maybe "Be Like Mike" means something. Like "use a one-syllable name".

[@VeggieRice]

@@dabeamer42 out

[@cflow2013]

I just can’t believe I never heard his full name before this.

[@whatthebeardoin3160]

"There's nowhere he'd rather be", for all the goofs, dumb stats, and silly storylines, what I appreciate most about Secret Base is the times they give some attention and love to the people behind them. Stephen just wanted to coach with his dad, win or lose. That's wonderful.

[@ZaoJin]

yeah that was a nice moment

[@bmac4]

Agreed. Thankfully Paul made it another 11 years before sadly passing away not long after this video was made. Sure Paul never coached in the NBA after this season but he was already a retired NBA star with a lengthy volume of coaching work and relative success (to say nothing of his rings as a player) and he was in his late 60s already. In a strange way Paul Silas is a mirror of MJ. He threw in the towel when he reached his lowest point, content with the legacy he had already carved instead of chasing that rainbow any longer. Instead he was willing to instead fully support his son in chasing his goals. It's clear when you read his interview from when Stephen got hired by the Rockets just how truly, immensely proud he was of his son.

[@Bgrud624]

I can’t wait for “The People You’re Paying To Be In Shorts: Part II” featuring both the ‘24 Pistons and Wizards

[@hristijanzdravkovski5970]

Wizards snapped their Losing streak, now the Pistons are the only ones standing.

[@eithersummer8889]

returning to this comment after the pistons fell to pick 5

[@jacefairis1289]

the delivery on "Corey Maggette is hurt, and Gerald Henderson is hurt, and Boris Diaw is French" had me absolutely CACKLING

[@miche1df]

Funniest part of the entire video

[@jacefairis1289]

@@Adi-bo5do french is not a race lmao, its always okay to make fun of the french. also, this was posted 2 mins ago and it has a like, why u liking ur own comments lol

[@razkable]

Boris won a title so....he's laughing

[@gamemeister27]

​@@razkableBoris seems chill anyways. He had an espresso machine in his locker when he was with the Spurs

[@therealrustyspork]

​@@gamemeister27apparently he went on a road trip around some state parks and brought his espresso machine with him

[@alexparker3277]

"He loses for a living, and he cannot be defeated." Would be an all-time quote for most other people. For Jon, it's just one of three dozen telephone poles that go whizzing by on a casual Sunday drive.

[@lillieampurra]

Jon gives out banger quotes like he's Santa Claus in a parade, pelting the crowd with candy

[@isprobablyjobhunting]

Dopest comment.

[@TheSoulHarvester]

I genuinely like that this testament to turn of phrase is, itself, a laborious & awkward turn of phrase.

[@TheShire26]

Jon Bois ghostwrote this

[@SushiElemental]

👆🏻 Facts

[@realitycheck4914]

We legit all just watched a 2 1/2 hour slideshow presentation on a historically bad team no one remembers. Please make more

[@rieldebonk1044]

Well people do remember them because they were the worst team EVER (At least the worst record ever)

[@jayr5277]

I don’t just remember this team, sometimes they haunt my nightmares.

[@razkable]

@@jayr5277 Give credit to Gerald Henderson...dude balled out most nights and played his heart out that season...filling in at sg for the overpaid Corey who got hurt it felt like weekly no surprise there story of his injury plagued career ...without him I swear this team wins maybe 2 games..even if we played an 82 game season they win maybe 3 without him...they were that bad

[@razkable]

@@rieldebonk1044 worst frontcourt roster in nba history especially after they traded Diaw...possibly worst wing rotation ever especially due to poor wing defende and injuries to Corey....although Gerald balled out...tough to win when your pgs are rookie kemba who couldn't shoot and dj who was a bum at that time...they just didn't have any talent

[@IanDryGuys]

Ah man how do I describe this documentary? It felt like choosing a foreign film to stream that has a historical backdrop but unexpectedly becomes very depressing and with nothing to add to the arc of the story, there is a gay scene. Despite knowing this is not what you signed up for, you trust your decision as you can tell the director was committed to the story and character development and have already come to admire the actors ability to hypnotize you enough that you no longer realize you are reading their dialog. Though there were points of despair and even disgust while watching it, as you finish you are ultimately left melancholy and appreciative of the artists contributions to the films ability to make you feel. Yeah, watching this is kind of like that.

[@CaptainWoggy]

I love how Kofie, Seth, and Alex are all approaching this with the gravitas that a SB production commands, while Jon Bois, a master of making something as minor as an internet fight about days of the week sound like a clash of titans to decide the fate of the universe, is coming at it with the same energy as a particularly needy 9 year old trying to get his mom to look at his macaroni art, if his mother was also the MJ of a decade past.

[@CyrogenicNation]

Jon Bois was taking a very Boris Diaw-esque approach to this doc.

[@nickjones5495]

I don’t get it. They all did good

[@maxjohansen9475]

He had a lot to teach about the craft of writing. Such brevity. I learned nothing. - Jon Bois

[@JWex-jy7sk]

Oh yeah, the Bobcats lost by 40 million points again. - Also Jon Bois

[@lanexyz]

“What did we learn? Nothing. Actually less than nothing. That’s just the way I like it”

[@legogandalf5453]

I love forming a meaningful connection with a team I literally could not care less about.

[@kaijudirector5336]

On the other hand the Mariners video made me a fan.😊

[@randomjunkohyeah1]

@@kaijudirector5336 Welcome to the club! Looks like you joined us just in time for some fun!

[@kaijudirector5336]

@@randomjunkohyeah1 Well to be fair I actually had a Mariners jacket from Yokohama when I was a kid.

[@hunteraho244]

Boris Diaw is now sailing the ocean on a boat. Dudes a ducking legend.

[@tjestirr]

Kofie says "Charlotte bobcats" like it's a slur

[@Muggycup]

In Charlotte it practically is

[@Shlongclock]

I coached a kids team in Austria during that time, and one day a girl came in with a bobcats jersey. Turns out her parents got it for her cause her name was Charlotte. To this day its the only one i ever saw

[@avenewx3010]

That’s insane 😂🤣

[@DanArnets1492]

They should've named her Dallas or whatever

[@cameronjuntti4749]

@@DanArnets1492 Dallas Charlotte Hoffenhauser

[@DanArnets1492]

@@cameronjuntti4749 - You almost made a cross-sport reference. Offenhauser is the name of a very famous 1950-60s engine builder for Indycar cars

[@ilikepie012597]

Gotta love that this video premiered during a Charlotte Hornets loss

[@danielwilcox419]

Against the Blazers, led by Dame Lillard, one of the guys Charlotte passed up on in this ill-fated 2012 draft

[@ilikepie012597]

@@danielwilcox419 being a hornets fan is pain 😭

[@connorgilley1924]

go blazers lol

[@heirsperry870]

God Did

[@Jrodsly]

@@ilikepie012597 Indeed. Part of me wants to see the Hornets in person to cross it off my bucket list, but the other part of me doesn't know if it's worth trying to find someone to go with since my normal sports buddy in my Dad doesn't want to go with me, especially for this team. Maybe I'll still do it. Depends on the ticket cost.

[@AB-rp6ik]

'If this ended today, it would 100 percent be worth it' - Stephen Silas. Never pass up an opportunity to do work worth doing with the people you love. RIP, Paul.

[@slicedbread5409]

And today Stephen Silas is the assistant coach of the 2023-'24 Detroit Pistons. who at the time of this comment are on a record setting 27 game losing streak.

[@jboatman72]

Knowing they wouldn’t get the AD pick the whole time was sheer agony. Well done as always, guys

[@flamingbull3438]

I forgot that was this draft! Excellent foreshadowing from the start then 😂

[@thelastcarnival]

Not knowing might have been worse.

[@Glulail]

I don't follow basketball, once I saw that the best odds in the lottery is only 25% I knew there was no way it'd have a happy ending

[@thedude3065]

how ironic that it was Charlotte's former franchise that seized him

[@insertclevername4123]

Hell, I don't watch much NBA, don't follow either team, and kind of like seeing Michael Jordan suck at something, and knew exactly how it was going to end, and I STILL felt my blood pressure rising about halfway through the bit between pick #3 and pick #2.

[@lincolnwright7896]

“And Boris Diaw is French” caught me way off guard 😂

[@calebmorales6288]

That destroyed me. I had to rewind it 4 times to hear it again and again 🤣

[@jordanfry5138]

Might be my favorite line in anything from Dorktown, and that's really saying something lol

[@matthewnormand2041]

That was a really good line. Unexpected and got a good laugh out of me.

[@kevinw.5149]

@@calebmorales6288 haha I came here looking for this comment as soon as I heard it.

[@saoirseoceallaigh3387]

That line felt like a shot to the chest, I couldn't breathe afterwards. I could't even laugh, I wasn't able to bring enough air into my lungs so I was just wheezing

[@dplank1760]

I think we need another one of these but for the 23-24 Detroit Pistons

[@coreynutting1981]

Great documentary. As a Charlotte native since the Hornets inception: a key detail was missed to explain why the city didn’t embrace the Bobcats. In June 2001 the city voted down a proposal to build the Hornets an arena in the Uptown district. In 2002 the Hornets left for NO. When Charlotte was awarded the expansion team that became the Bobcats, the city simply raised taxes and allocated funds to build the uptown arena that the community had voted against just a few months earlier. The Bobcats were never going to win the city over without being exciting. They never have been. Politics

[@ryankeeler1377]

“Corry Maggette is hurt, and Gerald Henderson is hurt, and Boris Diow is French” I’m wheezing

[@SimuLord]

That line plus Alex's "help is on the way, the kind of help a fork provides to someone eating soup" about Jamario Moon had me in stitches.

[@gienia449]

When was that? I must have missed it

[@spjr99]

@@gienia449 when they are talking about the first losing streak

[@spjr99]

@@SimuLord I read this comment as it was spoken lol

[@benrao3895]

@@gienia449 10:33

[@mctheplaywright]

That cut to the final image after “did you really think we’d forget” made me cry, I’ll admit it.

[@Nathanael_Forlorn]

What was it about? Was it him winning a championship or sth?

[@TheBrainSpecialist]

@@Nathanael_Forlorn It's about how Jordan is seemingly obsessed with getting the Hornets to prominence to build his legacy, but Jon's saying that his legacy will always be intact, and he doesn't need to worry so much about protecting it.

[@bikesgoodgasbad]

It’s so perfectly understated and holds the still shot for so, so long that it really hits deep just how GOAT Jordan’s Mythos was especially in the 90s, and basically implies it reached such a timeless and global ‘winner’ as an archetypal status that after such a comically awful it’s tragic retelling of how immensely hes failed as a gm it very seriously ends with ‘doesn’t matter, it’s MJ’

[@northstarjakobs]

They reeally chose the perfect image for it too. The bloodshot eyes, the sweat and tear tracks, it's such a profoundly human picture of a man whose athletic skills helped him achieve a sort of godhood.

[@C.Pendejo]

A rare level of athletic skill was a prerequisite, sure. But: a man whose absolutely freakish drive - his burning *need* - to win, to become the best, demanded a relentless rise to that godhood. And demanded he bring an NBA championship and a cargo-short-friendly golf course to Carolina, etc; demands met with varying levels of success. As a Bulls fan from well before a fateful moment - sophomore MJ's rejection by his high school's varsity squad - which set epic wheels in motion (earliest NBA memory, likely from a dismal '75 season the team went 24-58: watching from the cheap seats as Jerry Sloan earned himself an ejection by loudly swearing at the ref who'd just T'd him up, my dad's hands covering my tender ears a second too late), and who followed the team through years of mediocrity and watched as the team took this North Carolina kid with the draft's third pick, saw them finally post a winning record in his fourth year, bow out of the playoffs to the Bad Boy Pistons in his fourth, fifth, and sixth seasons before sweeping them in his seventh and never looking back - I, too, cried at those final words & image. That moment was the culmination of a *hell* of a lot of drama, struggle, and story lines for the team and the individual. I can't think of another in my lifetime which screams "this is what sports are all about" more fully. I reckon any of us who watched every episode of every season of that series see all of it captured in that photo. The waning seconds of this two and a half journey taking an mind-bendingly sharp turn to go there caught me *completely* off guard (though it also makes perfect sense), as did my involuntary reaction: breathless and sobbing. "Makes perfect sense?" Hell, maybe it was downright necessary, to remind us why Jordan, Silas (père et fils), the players, and we fans care about all this.

[@furretwalky]

THE PISTONS DID IT! 27 IN A ROW! Now for the big record.

[@GoldudeMK]

Rest in Peace Paul Silas. You gave it what you hd left in the tank, and coached up your son at the same time

[@lilypage7272]

Simply poetic that the Bobcats' final losing streak ended was 23. MJ's number. When you all changed the number from orange to red, I died in laughter.

[@v.k.rt.m.6030]

Then the losing streak restarted itself

[@bradnarraway9141]

A feature-length documentary about a single season of one team's basketball trials and tribulations. What a time to be alive.

[@cobrallama6236]

Screw Hollywood, this is like a new Star Wars for me! Haha.

[@Darthtanos]

@@cobrallama6236 given how bad hollywood sucks at this point, i genuinely think this is better than anything to come out of that cess pit in years.

[@razkable]

Fun fact this bobcats team had as many games scoring under 70 as they did scoring over 101...4 each...and they only got over 107 twice and 112 once..now average teams average 113 a night..the bobcats got to 113 once and right now boston averages 118.8 a night....this bobcats team never got to 119 once even in ot ...in todays nba getting to 80 is guaranteed even for the worst team due to pace and threes...you as the worst teams may score under 80 once all season if that...oh yeah and they won their 7 games by a total of 50 points but they also lost a game by 44...so that means they literally went 7-1 and still had a less than 1 point positive differential over those 8 games combined...imagine adding in the other 58 losses....thats why they are the worst team....even when they won they sucked so bad in 1 of their losses that it almost didn't matter...

[@thorgen_ironside5279]

@@cobrallama6236 I so feel that

[@omereissa5435]

I became an NBA fan right before the start of the 2013-14 season, the only year where both the Charlotte Bobcats and the New Orleans Pelicans were active NBA franchises. I found out, shortly thereafter, that the New Orleans Pelicans were formerly the New Orleans Hornets, which had moved from Charlotte. When the next season began with the Charlotte Hornets replacing the Charlotte Bobcats, the league announced that the old Hornets' history, records, etc., would be inherited by the team born as the Bobcats who now bore the Hornets' name. Even at the age of 11, I thought this made no sense. "This is absurd. History is a collection of objective facts, not a chain of grocery stores - it can't simply be acquired and rebranded. This act of retconning is completely illegitimate." -Jon Bois, 2017, on the Cleveland Browns. The truth is, in 2004, the Charlotte Bobcats were born as ghosts. I reconciled this in my own mind at the time, even if it made no difference to the league or anyone else. In my mind, there were two franchises. The old Hornets, who moved to New Orleans in 2002, had a brief stint in Oklahoma City, returned, and then changed their name to the Pelicans, and the new Hornets, born in 2004 as the Bobcats. So when Chris Paul retires and gets his original jersey retired, it SHOULD be done by the Pelicans. When I started watching this video, I knew instantly who The Unicorn was. Maybe it was the dissonance between my own logic and that of the league, or becoming a basketball fan in the intermission of this awkward two-year retrieval of the name, the repeated references to the draft lottery as their silver lining, or something else, but I subconsciously resolved that the Bobcats ended their season by drafting Anthony Davis, and then didn't question it for 1 hour, 34 minutes and 26 seconds, from 27:49 to 2:12:15. It was then when an image came to mind. A hazy image of an otherwise inconspicuous player shooting a basketball in a white striped jersey, with both elbows jutting out to his left. It had probably been five or six years since I'd last thought of Michael Kidd-Gilchrist, but when I did, my jaw dropped and stayed open for probably a full minute, and it felt like three. This documentary took on a completely new tone after that point, summarized perfectly at 2:15:14. Every hardship detailed in the length of this doc - every win, every kinda-close game, everyone who, without evaluating through the staunch lens of a longtime NBA fan, boasted remarkably impressive careers in the sport - amounted to absolutely nothing. It wasn't just that they'd lost out on The Unicorn. They passed on Damian Lillard, Bradley Beal, Andre Drummond, and others. They continued to flounder in mediocrity, and then faded into obscurity. That realization - that the Bobcats weren't getting the first pick, that the journey the Bobcats players took, kicking and screaming, to unprecedented levels of sucking, one I had known about for years but now felt like I had experienced personally, had NO silver lining - is the type of realization that makes someone type out this long of a comment. The dramatic irony of The Unicorn being lost on me resulted in one of the coolest accidental rug-pulls I'd ever experienced. I've been watching SB since I was 14. I've seen every Chart Party and Pretty Good, and (basically) every Rewinder and Beef History related to basketball. I've only ever seen four Dorktowns, and this was one of them. I turn 20 this month. Thanks, guys.

[@jordynstief3225]

That's very interesting.

[@markbeasley6552]

let me get some of your Adderall!

[@AirKangLocker]

whoever edited that 2012 draft lottery segment deserves the editing mvp award

[@motherkluckinmedia]

"a two hour movie about running a team who doesn't have any money... sounds like a blast" - meta Jon Bois

[@cwillard260]

“The streak hits 15, but help is on the way. The kind of help a fork provides to someone eating soup: Jamario Moon” I lost it

[@razkable]

Had they just gone small from the start and played Boris Diaw at C Derrick Brown at pf Corey Maggette at sf with Gerald Henderson at sg and Kemba Walker at pg for 40 minutes each like the 04 Pistons in the playoffs during non blowouts they may have had a chance to win a few more games...too bad Gerald was an unknown scrub going into the year as was Derrick ...playing unmotivated Tyrus Thomas plus unknown Byron Mullens and at the time career this sting tier bums Matt Carrol and Dj Augustine at that time all these minutes was nuts despite trading away Diaw and some injuries to Corey ..playing bums like Moon Reggie Diop White Higgins and Najera at all was a joke...putting the ball in a small rookies hands never goes well....you need time...

[@jman2050]

As someone with only fleeting memories of this team, the moment I saw when the Bobcats won their 7th game to go to 7-36 I was like “Wait a second, didn’t that team only win… oh… oh nooooo” Having 23 chances to win 1 game and not be the worst team ever and failing to do so, that’s a classic bruh moment.

[@armin38822]

the worst part of this historicly losing season is not the losses but not getting Anthony Davis at the end off it. If they got him,all off this would be kinda worth it.

[@nunyabiz6532]

@@armin38822 the Pelicans got more Out of Trading AD than His actual playing time. The Warriors wiped the Floor with them in each of their postseason appearances

[@armin38822]

@Goodb0b I doubt they wanted to fuck with Mike. But giving Pelicans AD does make sense.

[@razkable]

@@nunyabiz6532 had cousins and also darius been healthy they would of beaten the kd led warriors in 2018...they matched up very well with them....

[@SimuLord]

@@razkable When the Pellies got Cousins I wrote "twin towers haven't worked since David Robinson and Tim Duncan were still playing." You can't run out two big men like that who do their best work in the post and expect it to work post-2010 or so. One big man in a four-out is one thing (see Antetokounmpo, Giannis for Exhibit A of this, and the '09 Magic are the ur-example for the modern version), but two doesn't work anymore.

[@corbums3927]

You guys should do a fumble dimension of this game to see if only Boris Diaw shooting (and no one else on the team) could get this team to that 8th win

[@haydenanderson2121]

I’d like to just see kofie play as the bobcats and try to rebuild them haha

[@viiviketomaki7284]

Problem is I don't think there's a basketball simulator that successful simulates the effects of being French.

[@matherproductions9146]

@@viiviketomaki7284just play 2k while high on fent

[@jpthehistorian]

It's weird to see Mike is associated with the 72-10 Bulls and the 7-59 Bobcats at the same time

[@dominicpancella3012]

And came tantalizingly close to signing hometown kid Steph Curry before his Warriors broke Jordan's Bulls' record

[@Natibe_]

Dang, this team got a jon bois special on them! Can’t wait to learn how they beat the odds and won it all!

[@bmac4]

You must be new to Dorktown :V (I know you're being facetious)

[@Backup_Punter]

@@bmac4 underdogs of the year :)!

[@arjunb11]

Spoiler alert!😂😂😂

[@furretwalky]

that would be for the history of the washington nats

[@matthewhallberg8256]

Or at least finally made the playoffs after a 21-year drought

[@miniman7103]

God dammit first the mariners then the falcons. Now the bobcats!?! I can't be forced to keep liking bad teams because of how lovable they are jon.

[@emeraldaly7646]

I've been hoping for a while for an NBA or (less likely) NHL team to get the Mariners/Falcons treatment. I wonder if Charlotte basketball as a whole could have worked for that. The Hornets/Bobcats really have dick-all in terms of a winning history whereas the Falcons made a Super Bowl and the Mariners tied the all-time single-season wins record. I sort of expected if we did get an NBA deep dive (I just think NHL was less likely for the same reason it took 4 years to get a slightly half-baked -- I love the fellas but I'm just calling it like I see it -- NHL Fumble Dimension -- Jon et al just aren't that versed in hockey), if we did get an NBA version it'd be the Orlando Magic. *Some* winning history (they've been in two Finals), *some* star history (Shaq, Penny Hardaway, Dwight Howard), but no championships and probably many stories untold outside their fanbase. Maybe someday :)

[@reillymcwriting]

I want to see my buccos next!

[@julianbell9161]

@@reillymcwriting The Bucs are a funny historically bad team. They are a historic loser who unlike other loser like the Mariners, Falcons, and Bobcats, actually got lucky and managed to capitalize with championships in both of their only championship windows in the team’s history. As bad as they have been, they are 2/2 in capitalizing on a championship window. That’s better than many good teams.

[@romanmalo]

The Thrashers can make for a relly good video

[@musyarofah1]

next: The History of Buffalo Sabres. DO IT BOIS!

[@skunk0077]

Legend has it mike watched this video and took it personal, so he did sell the team

[@CollegeSportsREVIVED]

just heard our guy Mike is selling the Hornets had to come back to this gem

[@jaydenchang7080]

As a Hornets fan growing up in Charlotte, this is the most depressing dorktown I've watched 😭

[@4carhur1more]

for real, same here. It's a reminder why I like hockey a lot more. Even though the Hurricanes got shut out tonight.

[@hydrotic]

Atleast you aren’t a Minnesota sports fan nothing but misery from mlb, nba nfl nhl

[@mktfb3]

for us who love and live in Atlanta that's how the seven part falcons series felt. pure agony.

[@owenmurphy924]

@@hydrotic Try being an Atlanta Falcons fan. The only time you'd enjoy it more than the vikings is on January 17, 1999.

[@hydrotic]

your baseball team won a championship last year, our mlb nba nfl and nhl havent won any since 1991 and the vikings have lost 4 super bowls(1970, 1974, 1975, and 1977) @@owenmurphy924

[@Edgemaster72]

I knew MJ wasn't going to suit up but during that seemingly never ending plea from Jon, I really wanted him to.

[@Thor-Orion]

It was SO unhinged.

[@sachannnel]

Excited for the 2 hour video about this years pistons 10 years from now

[@Beastmike215]

If Victor Wembanyama becomes the monster he’s billed to be, the fact that Charlotte finished 2nd in that lottery will be just as painful.

[@SimuLord]

Wembanyama's ceiling is Shaq or Hakeem. Considering his injury history in Europe, his floor is Greg Oden. He should thank God Portland didn't draft him.

[@Beastmike215]

@@SimuLord As a Spurs fan, I’m ecstatic that we got him. Defensively, I think he’ll be a monster from the go, though I’d feel better if he put on some muscle. In time, he probably will since he’s only 19.

[@jtizzle124]

I think it’s safe to say he’s already the monster he was supposed to be

[@Beastmike215]

@@jtizzle124 I don’t think he’s close to his final form. Considering he’s 19 & already a top 20-25 player, that’s a beautiful thing.

[@jordanwoods3553]

Watching them drag the Anthony Davis thing knowing how it ends was equal parts painful and hilarious, I love it

[@isaacnation4116]

“You have 7 wins. This is everybody’s house.” 😭😭😭

[@deifiedtitan]

You did it, guys! He’s selling the team!

[@DoctorrDude]

The reverence shown for the Charlotte media is very touching, media like that is often thankless and expected. RIP Rick Bonnell

[@krazyklue6255]

Jon, Kofie, Seth and Alex all in the same Dorktown? This is a Secret Base superteam

[@dustinjones1346]

In a world of short attention spans, you guys make a 2 1/2 hour video and I love it. Keep doing your thing guys

[@barrettbirks1058]

when was this comment made? 2014?

[@dustinjones1346]

@Barrett Birks pretty sure tik tok and KZbin shorts didn't exist in 2014. If you're gonna go out of your way to be a prick, at least make sense

[@rieldebonk1044]

@@dustinjones1346 This comment doesn't make sense, quite ironic

[@dustinjones1346]

@Riel de bonk the first comment where I said they made a 2 1/2 hour video on a platform that recommends 6-8 minute videos, or the reply that shorts and tik tok didn't exist in 2014? Which one doesn't make sense, enlighten me

[@rieldebonk1044]

@@dustinjones1346 The reply

[@oldbrokenhands]

The music between 58:30 to 1:03:05 went from a nice playful musak, to silent, to discordant chaos. Little touches like that during the video make it memorable.

[@magicoA]

I hope Michael Jordan watched this from a $100,000 couch in front of a $200,000 TV and then went and played a round of golf.

[@aful3091]

I felt this was a nice change of pace for the Dorktown format. Don't get me wrong, all your programs are great, but I preferred the more low-stakes and humorous approach taken with this one. Featuring Seth on any basketball topic is also a must imo, his basketball videos are partially responsible for the channel's rise and its clear to see his passion and talent for talking about the sport.

[@razkable]

Too bad he's such a knicks fan he forgot mj scored 63 on the celtics not the knicks smdh...fail

[@JWex-jy7sk]

Okay I just wanna know who at TNT thought giving a 7-58 team a National TV game was a good idea? 😂

[@rupertbee]

"We Know Drama."

[@Edgemaster72]

They knew what they were doing

[@SimuLord]

Was there a more compelling possible matchup? History's history, whether it's ESPN showing Cubs-Cardinals in September of 1998 or TNT showing Knicks-Bobcats in April of 2012.

[@darrengordon-hill]

representation

[@darrengordon-hill]

@@MikeHL78 Otherwise, why do these teams exist? There's no "2nd division NBA" - just perpetual lottery teams in undesirable small markets...

[@Mister_Clean]

MJ's disappointed face in that picture of all the Bobcats stars is iconic

[@furretwalky]

THE PISTONS ARE DOING IT!!!

[@austinreed5805]

As soon as I realized that this was gonna be about the 2011-12 Bobcats, my body immediately braced itself because this was gonna be a ROUGH ride.

[@razkable]

People may think 7-59 means they weren't that bad but that record is misleading since they only won 4 games by more than 4 points and 2 by more than 8 and 1 by more than 12 all season and 0 by 17 and even in their biggest win of the year it was close half way through the 4th same with their other double digit win vs a non playoff team...their only true impressive win came at the eventual playoff bound knicks where they scored 118 and led by a lot in the 4th in their 6th game of the year and they scored less than 70 4 times and scored more than 101 4 times and only scored over 107 2 times and only over 112 once and 1 of the 2 times they got to 107 they needed overtime plus they lost games by 44 39 33 and literally won 2 games by a combined 3 points and 3 by a combined 7....they were so bad at scoring...

[@maliktalaat1]

As someone who has 0 affiliation with the Bobcats/Hornets I felt legitimate pain when that card showed Bobcats. Well done fellas

[@NickyvMLP]

I knew it was coming. I knew AD was a Pelican. I just wanted them to get him. So bad.

[@razkable]

@@NickyvMLP they could of had beal or lillard ....instead they chose mkg...at least he wasn't as big a bust as thomas robinson...who I wanted them to pick and swore they would...

[@fastf00dknight41]

This is honestly incredible. I’ve watched this twice and I’m blown away at how much you’ve made me care about this ridiculous team

[@razkable]

I mean Diaw Kemba Corey were pretty well known players...

[@razkable]

Whats sad is just two years prior they made the playoffs with the great Larry Brown as coach and an all star all nba defender in Gerald Wallace plus pre 2011 title winning and 2012 defensive player of the year olympic gold winning Tyson Chandler and a player who could score like an all star in Stephen Jackson and I am convinced to this day due to a 3-0 record vs them that year that they would of beaten the 1 seed 62 win Cavs even as a 8th seed but sadly the records didn't go that way due to tiebreakes and instead they got the Magic who were a bad match up for them....they also had prime Raymond Felton at pg and Diaw at pf..they just needed a true sg and they would of been a tough match up for anyone out east

[@lexxussmooth]

"In the year 2011, the Bobcats had a buzz level closer to the post-Steph Curry Davidson Wildcats." WOW! This is ICEBERG COLD, and more than accurately and acutely true. I am from North Carolina, and I don't think even a stethoscope could have detected a bit of sound at that time. Well said. The overall sarcasm and sincerity in this is simply outstanding.

[@jrbship]

I did not expect a Dorktown about the 2011-2012 Bobcats that is longer than a Marvel movie, but here we are. God I love this channel

[@BraydenSMoore]

oh boy, I can’t wait to hear all about the Charlotte Bobcats!

[@samsee_ca]

6:03 Jon’s delivery of “Oh no!” made me laugh almost as much as the line that immediately follows it. “Very unfortunate.”

[@jordynstief3225]

For a second, I legitimately thought he was gonna be like, "Oh no! Anyway."

[@Hafk]

leaving a comment here before the 23-34 Detroit Pistons break the record

[@leftisbest7173]

Exactly!!

[@Hafk]

Leaving another comment it looks like they're turning their season around with all these trade deadline moves they made. Proud of them.

[@jtizzle124]

@@HafkYou have until 2034 before you can actually be proven wrong, don’t give up yet.

[@tacolorian]

Serious talk. I have no one to discuss these Dorktown/Chart Party gems with. This stuff is so good and I enjoy it on makes levels and it just makes me feel good. As a very awkward adult dude it is extremely hard to bring up Jon Bois in pleasant conversation. And when I do people usually have zero frame of reference; except like once in a while people think I’m talking about Jomboy. That’s like whatever and I usually end it there. Anyway. When Jon drops a magnum opus like this, I don’t know how to watch it. Like do I watch it on a tv? Computer? I can’t do it on my phone, right? Also, shouldn’t do audio-only, podcast style on my commute, correct? I just want to do it right. Open to suggestions.

[@teen_laqueefa]

Dude, I love you as a Friend who loves these masterpiece of sports emotional and entertaining rides in which we find just laying around for free when we damn well owe these guys a ton for this stuff.

[@Dragonmaster600]

For the first viewing, do the best you can reasonably manage, even if it means waiting a few days. For me, it's on the big screen hooked up to my PC. It will likely have to wait a day and a half, that's perfectly fine. After the first viewing, anything is fine; I like to listen to one while falling asleep personally.

[@CRneu]

lol i've tried to introduce people to Jon so many times but saying something like, "There's an amazing 4 hour supercut on the mariners by this statistician...oh i've lost ya" doesn't seem to get people's attention. Their loss I guess?

[@jamesjarrait2231]

We (awkward dudes) got you. I watch it on my iPhone 8. I may upgrade to a 3rd Gen. iPhone SE; same size and screen with stronger processor. My children stare blankly when I suggest that. The lady at the T-Mobile store laughed; she may have thought I was joking. (High five…oh you were just waving)

[@nahometesfay1112]

@@CRneu You should start with his older videos they're much shorter and Pretty Good. The 222-0 video should be flashy enough to get people's attention

[@emmadictator4062]

Yep, we need this vid before the Lakers inevitable break their record this season 💪🏾

[@mikelang1364]

🥶🥶🥶🥶

[@goldlion9066]

W comment, wonder where you got it from 💪🏾🥶

[@betbed]

rip paul silas a legend fr

[@JMOP1715]

This is the kind of content ESPN wishes they'd made. Amazing. Beautiful.

[@KDRusha]

“Bc no one wants to walk around looking like a Sim” is wild 😂😂😂😂😂

[@greglucas7735]

"looks like a made-up basketball team from the Law & Order universe" he reduced that logo to atoms my god

[@zetsuei53]

When the team name and logo was revealed, it hit me that I had zero memory of the Bobcats... I distinctly remember the Hornets moving to New Orleans, I remember the name change to the Pelicans, and I remember hearing that the basketball team in Charlotte was once again called the Hornets... but thats it. A story about something that started and ended in recent history that was collectively forgotten or just plain uneducated on. I now have been educated. And I have no idea what to do with this knowledge. Great work, y'all.

[@zazamuel]

Cant wait to se the Pistons' version of this

[@It_Rev]

Watching this after he sold the team is so fantastic

[@lacanm1554]

Only Jon bois, Kofie Yeboah, Alex Rubenstein, and Seth Rosenthal could make michael Jordan into a tragic figure. Yet another masterpiece from dorktown 👏

[@samsee_ca]

UNOFFICIAL CHAPTERS INTRO) 00:00 A Ban on Shorts 1) 03:32 A Team Named Robert 2) 13:05 A Player Turned Owner 3) 29:08 A Promising Opening 4) 39:21 A Brutal Stretch 5) 50:15 A Basketball Snob 6) 56:01 A Free Throw Attempt 7) 1:03:36 A Bunch of Blowouts 8) 1:12:21 A Unicorn Revealed 9) 1:20:30 A Break Above The Clouds 10) 1:30:43 A Forecast In Canada 11) 1:34:45 A Dented Skull 12) 1:41:08 A House For Everybody 13) 1:49:13 A Hard-Fought Finish 14) 2:00:08 A Referendum on Intention 15) 2:06:36 A Literal Carnival Game 16) 2:13:45 A Lack of Legacy 17) 2:18:43 A Team Dispersed OUTRO) 2:23:44 A Break From Shorts

[@TheMcK777]

A Table of Contents

[@captainphoenix]

A petition for @Secret Base to pin @SamSee's comment

[@jordynstief3225]

​@@captainphoenixA signature for said petition.

[@MoralesCorner]

A wonderful comment

[@zathanielprice6533]

On rewatch, this has to be one of the best things this crew ever made.

[@Stickstack99]

As a Charlotte fan this hurt a lot. Thank you

[@razkable]

Poor kemba...he shouldn't have his career associated with that season...

[@NotTheZodiac]

This is official the best birthday present I could ask for a Jon Bois Documentary. I know nothing about the 2011-2012 Charolette Bobcats, but I don’t care.

[@chriscurry2496]

Right? I was watching it puzzled like "I'll watch it if it's about Lebron James' Miami Heat, but only because it's Secret Base and I know they'll find something interesting and subtle about a much publicized team. ... then I saw the Charlotte Bobcats and I was like "HELL YES!"

[@AlchemistJijo]

happy birthday man

[@JaydenWorth]

Now you know EVERYTHING about the Bobcats.

[@pixels_]

this is one of Secret Base's most ambitious projects. it's a slow burn. an unheard of story. about almost nothing. and yet... jesus christ i am hanging on for dear life and i love every minute. this is art.

[@jamanger]

“…and boris diaw is french.” - Jon Bois 2023

[@dezzyschannel3078]

2k14 the rival character got drafted to the bobcats. That was the first time i was even aware they existed.

[@akimbobongs461]

Jackson Ellis!

[@danielwilcox419]

The Spurs picked up Boris Diaw from this 2012 Charlotte team who wound up being a huge part of the 2014 Spurs championship. Thank you, Charlotte

[@matthewsawczyn6592]

As they said in Moneyball, “we’re basically a farm system!”

[@Bismuth9]

Can this still be called Dorktown? It's the DCU at this point.

[@theblackwidow3401]

paul silas passed away today at 79 years old. rest in peace 🙏

[@cbetv3]

Wasn’t expecting Boris Diaw to be the most interesting person in this documentary lol

[@lunarumbreon7699]

The part about Jordan betting someone in the crowd in a golf tournament is the most real thing in here. One of my friends works for the Hornets and Panthers and got to meet him at a party and lost $200 because Mike decided to be a pool shark at his own party

[@YOSSARIAN313]

Getting crushed by Jordan would be an honor

[@lunarumbreon7699]

@@YOSSARIAN313 he said it was but it’s just proof that Jordan can and will bet on anything

[@JustARandomMexican]

I'm not a sports fan. Halfway through, I thought this must be an elaborate hoax, how could I not know that Michael Jordan has an NBA team? How could I have never even heard their name prior to this? The Charlotte Bobcats truly are an unbelievable team in the literal sense; a mirage on the horizon that fades away if examined too closely.

[@lol109109]

It can not be overstated how incredible the music is throughout this entire audiovisual journey.

[@luke_darga]

Pistons fan. Back here for no reason whatsoever.

[@nonamelegend_vapor]

I have to say something about Jon’s music choice. Whereas a lot of content makers would use vaporwave or modern synthwave to try to achieve an old school vibe, Jon uses music that, while it may or may not be recently composed, captures accurately the feel of a program from early millennial childhood. Sonically, it’s true old-school in HD rather than a vaporwave-y, fever dream take on nostalgia. I don’t know if I’m really making what I’m trying to convey make sense, but Jon’s music choices give me the weird, uncomfortable childhood feelings along with the nostalgia vibes, and I can greatly appreciate that

[@bmac4]

I believe there's a catalog of music he chooses from. A lot of it is decades old but its from like the 80s, 90s, and 2000s, eras with a lot of "easy to listen" background music if you know who to look for.

[@fortynights1513]

@@bmac4 KPM music library to my knowledge.

[@brandonbarrus7006]

Secret Base is so good, I'll click on a 2.5-hour long retrospective of the 2012 Bobcats, smack in the middle of the NBA season. Thanks!

[@dustinclarke7351]

"Look, Corey Maggette is hurt. And Gerald Henderson is hurt. And Boris Diaw is French." No comic inflection, just dropped it right there, and I didn't notice until the 12th or so time watching it, LOL. This is what makes your stuff great Jon.

[@jamesnichols2348]

This dorktown stands out. I love all of these stories about franchises that by and large are bad and shines a light on them so they aren't forgotten. The only difference is that this team (The Bobcats) is not beloved by their community.