The Price of a New Life

[@johnkeith2450]

No woman/man who loves you wants to hold your hand while you reminisce and cry over another woman/man that you are still in love with. Or say, "fine, you can look at their pictures hours each day", etc.....The term for that is "emotional cheating". You are giving emotions, feelings and tears to someone else that belong to the one you are married/committed to now.

[@hopeful3583]

Well I'm so grateful my new spouse is doing this and has absolutely no problem with holding me when a grief Wave hits-because he knows I love him so much and that my love for my late husband doesn't diminish the deep love I have for him now❤️

[@johnkeith2450]

@@hopeful3583 For now. In time he will tire of it........And why would you want to put someone you say you love through such? How is that loving them?

[@hopeful3583]

@@johnkeith2450 I don't choose to grieve, but I still miss my late husband and that's okay. I would miss him forever if he died, too. Because I love him, I don't live in the past, I chose to heal and make sure he never doubts my love and commitment for him. Because he loves me, he embraces me with my past and understands me, honestly he often initiates conversations about my LH. I know not many men could do this and that why I appreciate him even more and we have an amazing and deep relationship.

[@desertrose111]

@john keith, well said! If this was a divorced person and he is doing the same thing then he would be a jerk who is emotionally cheating on you and leading you on, somehow if a widower who hasn’t moved on then it becomes acceptable. What are the rest of us? Saint?

[@barbaramcdonald9068]

I just gave up dating period, especially widowers, the one I moved in with, yes I loved him, he never stopped talking about her for 4 years. I moved out, he passed away a year later....had huge cancer tumor in his lung he didn't even know about. I'm tired of cooking for men. Dealing with their baggage. Love being alone, biking, nature walks. Just wish there was an emotionally regulated man.

[@honeypath]

Thanks Abel. I’ve just started dating a widower again. He seems like a kind man so I’ll give it ago but your guidance is invaluable. Thanks for your insights.

[@RG-hf4et]

There are too many widowers out there who want their past life to stay the same and want some unsuspecting woman dating them should adapt to their life & it's all about them. Forget that!

[@tlc8925]

&no one calls them out on it. Most are unhealed users who deserve to stay in their past &stay away from those who want a future.. It's too much audacity for me.

[@joanzarro2496]

So very true!! Actions speak so much louder.

[@PamelaLarsen-no2nz]

Old life vs new life. The widower is willing to begin anew life but the adult children still cling to the old and will play tug of war over their father . The father/ widower cannot leave the old life and traditions . Understandably the children want all to remain the same . I was welcome as long as I knew my place as second or third priority. I resented my love for not placing me as the main priority except of course in emergency , financial , illiness and major celebrations . I understood the need to be flexible however rather than upset the children , the father walked on eggshells which eventually put a divide in our relationship.

[@ranj_kaurrismatic9825]

Currently in same space. 1.5 yrs and im realising ill be second and the constant tug of war and guilt tripping by adult daughter has put a wedge..im blamed for not trying enough gosh. Heartsick.

[@RG-hf4et]

Abel, I have been following you since you first started. This was probably your most important, best explained video ever!!! I hope widowed people out there are LISTENING.

[@lizbushemi5316]

Such a great video, Abel! Thank you. I'm so happy for you!

[@tetianawatson9507]

Great video, Abel! Very fair! Stay super blessed ❤

[@laurarichardson3415]

Me and my boy highschool sweetheart was in love. My family moved and we lost contact for years. We found each other after years. We are still in love. He is a widower for 2 years, I'm divorced 20 years. I don't want to move in house where he and late spouse lived. They were there 30 years. He say he love me so much. Pictures of her every where. Should I close relationship. I love him so much also. I need advice

[@DatingaWidower]

Actions speak louder than words. He's not ready.

[@robintrapani5347]

Such great advice as always !

[@mountpilotmikefelts9090]

This is some really good advice

[@RG-hf4et]

My widower told me after 5 years "I'm trying to make everyone happy"......I told him this isn't going to work and it didn't. I finally walked away.....Any one reading this, please walk away sooner rather than later!!

[@tlc8925]

They usually never want to make changes.. I walked away too.. I'm thinking I'd rather find someone who I don't have to share...

[@chrislundy263]

I walked away almost two years in. EVERYTHING was so much work. I resented him and his adult children. It’s been about a month. As sad as it is. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted. Listen to what is Abel is saying. No actions…walk away and sooner rather than later.

[@tlc8925]

@@chrislundy263 i say this every time... Dating a widow(er) can be one of the most toxic relationships... &the nonwidower usually walks away damaged, resentful &needing therapy.. It's not talked about but it's terrible.

[@RG-hf4et]

I'd rather be alone with a puppy or a cat than ever be with a widower again. The relationship is always about them & their "issues".

[@tlc8925]

@@RG-hf4et 🎯🎯🎯

[@8165Pat]

My husband & I pay in time & money to have our new life. It takes a lot of each to maintain our distance marriage. He bought a new car to facilitate travel. I keep my commitments low so I have time to see him during his visits to me & to visit him & stay with him for extended periods of time. This is a great sacrifice!

[@joanzarro2496]

So very true! Actions speak so much louder.

[@EllenMartinNYC]

Wonderful Abel. Again, Ain't it the truth!!!!!!

[@heartcenteredhealing-r9e]

Spot on ❤️

[@AmyDonovan]

This is some food for thought. Thanks for posting.

[@christineplaton3048]

Valid points. Changes and blending. You can't expect someone to be exactly the same. It requires a greater commitment and everyone has individual struggles...

[@user-wi5jv6ck8f]

Wow, this was amazingly helpful and helped me gain perspective! Both of you are very lucky to have found each other ❤️ *Btw, do you still have the boxes of items from the late wife? I'm definitely going to sign up for your coaching sessions. The link that is posted doesn't work but, the option is found in your main menu and works great! Looking forward to it! I hope you much success and thank you for providing these insights for all of us that are struggling with this type of relationship 🙌

[@DatingaWidower]

Yes, I still have 2 boxes of things from my first marriage.

[@pamscharich]

I appreciate this series. Very helpful

[@DatingaWidower]

Thank you!

[@phalynwilliams4119]

This is a wonderful video message. Your testimony is an example of God’s grace and that He does have great things in store for us with we trust Him.

[@janac2881]

Wow Abel! You really love your wife!! Actions speak loudly !! I dated a widower That wouldn’t do those things. Shows Me he didn’t love me !!! Enuf said!!! Thank u Abel

[@johnkeith2450]

Better to be alone with hope than to be tied to a man who does not love you and have no hope.

[@joanzarro2496]

Same, I was engaged to a man that truly didn’t love me. Wanted to move me right into his past. As he did two previous wives after late wife. Yes, I would have been wife three after DOD within 11 years. I asked for all four seasons to get to know him, thankfully I did. I’m happy alone right now.

[@brendabergin5030]

Thanks Abel.

[@Crystalsellers-g4f]

Thank you

[@EvelynCorado-q5z]

Hey Abel, I was wondering if you can speak on Widowers pursuing a medical malpractice case for their LW and your stance/thoughts on that? Lots of the women I’ve connected with in the Facebook group have also encountered this unique situation. My W and I have been together the last 4 years (2019) We married June of 2023. LW died Sep 2018

[@DatingaWidower]

Thoughts in what way? Whether they should do it?

[@EvelynCorado-q5z]

Yes, whether they should? It can take years for a malpractice case to be solved, my husband now has had issues with attorneys taking it, and now he decided this month he’d represent himself… the first 1.5 years of us dating, he’d be focusing on it, reading all the medical journals, spending hours of his day compiling everything. I could feel it when he was working on it that day because he was pretty down/heavy. I feel like it’s just putting yourself in the past and reflecting on trauma over and over again…. Going back in the past. The last 2.5 years, the case had been more quiet, but then all of a sudden last year his attorney dropped his case and no longer wanted to take it. Now, getting closed doors everywhere so he’ll be representing himself. Which means money out of our pocket for witnesses and I don’t feel comfortable paying for that… tens & Thousands of dollars. My husband has a strong personality if justice and holding people to the law, but personally I see how I can get unhealthy rehashing at all of this. I’d like to see what your thoughts are since several women I’ve connected with over FB have a similar situation and we don’t know where to get advice on these unique hard to talk about situations-because everyone gives them a pass due to LW dying. We’d appreciate a video soooo much. 🙏🏽

[@DaddytechEnt]

*i can't start a new life because i have no clue how to move on. i'm ready i just have no idea how to even get started again*

[@DatingaWidower]

What do you mean by "move on"?

[@DaddytechEnt]

@@DatingaWidower start life a new with someone else

[@DatingaWidower]

@@DaddytechEnt Start by reading Chapter 1 of this book at this URL: www.abelkeogh.com/#/the-ultimate-dating-guide-for-widowers/

[@WannonCreekWildlife]

I’m curious as to your thoughts, if you where widowed now, where moving would mean uprooting your grieving kids, would you do the same?

[@shirleycolee861]

Both may be widowed/widower. Keeping old family ok if the couple puts each other first.

[@AVG307]

I had an emotional connection with a guy who was at a crossroad in his life. We went our separate ways. 20 years later, he has now been a widower for a few years and we find ourselves back in each other's lives. We both want a relationship but he can't forgive himself and move on. We never had a physical relationship but he still can't let go of his guilt. Should I run?

[@DatingaWidower]

If he can't forgive himself, he's not ready to open his heart.

[@barbaramcdonald9068]

Yes, run please

[@marysaleman9760]

Your input would be appreciated. My friend is widowed 2 years. He joined 3 different grief grows shortly after his wife passed. Don't you think a counselor should encourage him to try being more independent?

[@DatingaWidower]

What do you mean by "more independent"?

[@marysaleman9760]

@@DatingaWidower Why does a person need 3 grief groups? I have been widowed twice. I went for counseling. Perhaps it's because the counseling was 1:1.

[@DatingaWidower]

@@marysaleman9760 I don't know why he needs 3 grief groups. It's fulfilling some kind of need but don't know which one. Have you talked to him about it?

[@marysaleman9760]

@@DatingaWidower No not really. We're just friends. We talk 1 - 2 times weekly. Our conversations are usually about how we cope now having to do our late spouses' half of things. As for the multiple grief groups, I feel some of the info. could/ might be conflicting. Then too he just might have a lot of time on his hands and does it for socialization. I do enjoy listening to your videos though.

[@RG-hf4et]

18 years & 7 kids.......Wow!

[@DatingaWidower]

It's wonderful!

[@RG-hf4et]

I am very, very happy for you and your family!! Best wishes to every one!

[@portiabangonan200]

God bless you, your marriage & children. Thank you for sharing your experiences.

[@jasonkresock2196]

Legit 💪🏻♥️👍🏻🕯⚓