The Purpose of Friendship

Our desire to build good and lasting friendships is often undermined by a lack of focus on what friendship should really be about. Getting clear about what friendship is for isn’t cynical; it provides the foundation for genuine bonds.
Enjoying our KZbin videos? Get full access to all our audio content, videos, and thousands of thought-provoking articles, conversation cards and more with The School of Life Subscription: t.ly/h0kkb
Be more mindful, present and inspired. Get the best of The School of Life delivered straight to your inbox: t.ly/B3ECK
FURTHER READING
“Friendship should be one of the high points of existence, and yet it’s also the most routinely disappointing reality. Too often, you’re at supper at someone’s house: there’s an impressive spread and the hosts have evidently gone to a lot of trouble. But the conversation is meandering and devoid of real interest. It flits from an over-long description of the failings of the inflight service on a particular airline to a strangely heated discussion about the tax code. The intentions of the hosts are hugely touching, but (as so often) we go home wondering what on earth the whole performance was about…”
You can read more on this and other topics here: goo.gl/26Tzfx
MORE SCHOOL OF LIFE
Watch more films on RELATIONSHIPS in our playlist:
bit.ly/TSOLrela...
SOCIAL MEDIA
Feel free to follow us at the links below:
Facebook: / theschooloflifelondon
X: / theschooloflife
Instagram: / theschooloflifelondon
CREDITS
Produced in collaboration with:
Rosa Fisher
www.rosafisher.... #TheSchoolOfLife

[@JKitsRyan]

I noticed that when you start giving up these distracting "proto friends" to make room for more meaningful friendships in your life, you get into this sort of panic mode that's often accompanied with loneliness. You start to think that loneliness is a result of you being of little value, it starts to take a knack on your self-esteem. As you continue to try and convince yourself of the good that will come from letting go of these meaningless relationships, little by little you gain this faith in your ability to overcome this darker period. Time alone teaches you a lot about yourself. It teaches you how much of a friend you can be to yourself. When you get to know yourself, you begin to learn about the types of friends you want to find, and how much more possible it is to find them now that you're more available. Then at the end of it all, you gain a special type of wisdom. That loneliness is a part of the transition, it's the discomfort that is meant to guide you to new and better relationships. Truth is, I've never felt more lonely than when I had "friends" that weren't truly there for me; and now that I've removed their presence physically and symbolically, to my surprise being by myself has been the most productive and eye-opening time of my life.

[@Morten_Nielsen1979]

hiyaryan Great comment. My favorite part is "I've never felt more lonely than when I had friends that wheren't truly there for me". Love it! The big question is which friends to let go off, and which ones to keep? Basically, what you are talking about is to minimize negative energy and to optimize positive energy in ones life. So your comment also applies to all other activities in life - not only friendships.

[@atsuyak768]

hiyaryan I'm having this exact problem right now.

[@blueinkheart]

You and - by extension - your comment...are the fucking G.O.A.T. Stay Wise. The world needs it.

[@auk8174]

Awesome. I experienced the same thing. Spiritual growth through meditation is the best thing u can do. When you keep growing and knowing yourself more and more, your whole reality shifts. Your friends change, every one individually, because your subjective reality of them changes. Even though friends stayed the same in their realities. Then u see whole new potential in some of them. Then you notice what is true intimacy and connection, what openness mean and that assertiveness can change your life. And that you were missing it the whole time. Then you need to work on exceptional assertiveness and truely bond with few of them that matters. Then happiness comes, and life becomes magical.

[@savannahj6268]

I heard in my philosophy class that avoiding loneliness is the focus objective of everyones life subconciously

[@SRHisntSilent]

Four purposes of Friendship: 1. networking 2. reassurance 3. fun 4. clarifying our minds

[@TeKeyaKrystal]

2 and 4 seem similar

[@tamaliaalisjahbana9354]

What a poverty stricken list.

[@heatherhutchinson3625]

This video has a great intro but the four descriptors seem very utilitarian.

[@ongogablogian2975]

T.K. probably because this is somewhat superficial pop philosophy masquerading as analysis. As another author points out, they all have utilitarian characteristics (except, perhaps, number 3). Aristotle would likely say that the four purposes crucially omit the most important type of friendship - the good or virtuous ones. There are many philosophers who gift us with much more thoughtful analysis than this video (and most of it is available at the tip of our fingers!).

[@jlmur54]

@@ongogablogian2975 Beats preaching skillfully about things you know nothing about, like Jordan Peterson.

[@blackmegriffin9240]

someone told me you don't make friends you RECOGNIZE them.

[@jego207]

this is profound

[@FriedEgg101]

It's just a bit awkward when they don't recognise you back.

[@pzigotnofilterp7882]

@@FriedEgg101 hmmmmmmmmm

[@ColtSSR]

Ill never forget that saying now, thanks

[@venganzamujer354]

Great saying

[@bee7747]

Watching this without any friends

[@Don-fu2ib]

aw, i can be your friend. I need a Bentley in my life

[@ΑναστασίαΓιώτη-θ6ω]

same.. but it helped a lot

[@Cheese13th]

So am I but I'm not gonna give up :D and you won't too!

[@Rodsupremos]

proto-friend zoned by content collectivists.

[@t-.-t.]

lol same 😂😂

[@GenJotsu]

Summary: 3 types of good friends; people who can help you accomplish things, people who help you have fun, and people who you can learn from and vice versa. Avoid people who don't care about progress and who relishes on other's failures.

[@fradencornell8143]

Couldn't say it better myself thanks for the comment bro!

[@Novastar.SaberCombat]

Yup. Nailed it.

[@wotwot6868]

Confucius has some very good lesson on this. He also defines 3 types of bad friends iirc.

[@fradencornell8143]

You're right it would be wise to help the "jealous/insecure" friend get out of their dysfunctional mental phase but for some people (like myself) find it nearly impossible to deal with very toxic people. I'm all for the idea of helping them out given the guidance of course.

[@padarousou]

Whats weird for me is I feel like I really want to help people learn in order for them to get ahead and accomplish things. But I always end up being the "goofy friend" that people go to for a laugh.

[@felipeacosta6356]

After seeing this I realized I'm not a very good friend in many ways. I need to be less aggressive, cold and intolerant. This is very helpful

[@DekiruKun]

Felipe Acosta same

[@windrunner9158]

same

[@smrutikar9171]

Very few people realise You are grt that you at least realised

[@kballist1]

Same!

[@ohnoitszurri6177]

Same.

[@razredge07]

This is why I don't force friendships. I make acquaintences as needed, especially in regards to my job, but in regards to friendships, I let that happen naturally. Either I "click" with someone else or I don't.

[@okamiwolf4752]

Well said

[@nevereddington7448]

I agree with this take

[@VITAS874]

means forever lonely, terrible

[@razredge07]

@@VITAS874 you're lonely if you're surrounded by people who are present but aren't your friends. Quality is better than quantity.

[@MrShikaga]

Errr, isn’t that how all friendships work? How does one force a friendship?

[@noclueblue7528]

Advice for people who have no friends: Try to make them as early in life as you can and foster that friendship like a plant growing in your yard. Never judge your friends unless you feel it's absolutely necessary, never cause them harm. Laugh, joke, and try to relate to them as much as you humanly can. Friendships are built a lot on "trust". My friends know my darkest secrets and my family situation, in return, I know theirs. I've told them what I've been through, and they've told me what they've been through. A privilege only attainable thanks to trust. We trust each other not to judge or make fun of serious things we tell each other. Quality of friendship can be determined by how much you can take your "mask" off and still feel comfortable around them. I've only had 2 main friends over the course of my life. A lot of little friendships in between but they eventually die off because either "they" or "I" decided not to water the plant of friendship. You don't have to force friendships, if they don't work after awhile, let the plant die, but be mature about it. Oddly enough, the best friendships are built off of relating to pain and suffering. If you and a friend both understand the feeling of depression, you'll get along just fine. For me, it's people with family issues. Weird? No. You see, it is in my mutual understanding of this specific type of pain that brings me and my friends closer together. I've got their back should they need it, and they've got mine.

[@Adez0]

Agreed. I'd say mutuality is the foundation of trust. If you open up about your problems and feelings, your friend should open up about hers. It creates a feeling of equality instead of it being just you leeching for pity from the other person. You have to feel like sharing is good for both of you. Nobody wants to feel like a leech in a relationship.

[@LabelleLape]

Well said

[@marimarcalbero7435]

we're the same, ive come accross wt a lot of people but ive always felt more understood and more connected wt people of family issues maybe its because im experiencing the same. i love my other friends but sometimes, i couldnt get the comfort in them- its either just pity, some are dumbfounded or sometimes i feel like a burden to them. All this time, i feel like im alone and always putting on a mask that im okey. i was afraid to open to people who doesnt share the same experience.

[@shorx9199]

*old people have left the chat

[@iheartkira1894]

My friend that knew my deepest secrets, everything about me, and my problems is now not my friend. Now my business is probably lingering around.

[@stevo728822]

Friends are found in a particular environment. Once you leave that environment, the friendship deteriorates. For example, you might make good friends at college but after you all leave college and go your separate ways in your careers those friendships get weaker and weaker year by year. And they rely upon referring back to college days to keep them going. To keep long standing friendships you both need to be travelling in the same direction in life.

[@agstinacueva1673]

i frankly disagree, friendship isnt all about spending 24/7 together, the conection can be unbreakable depending on the kind of relationship you share with the other person

[@agstinacueva1673]

besides there is not one person on earth that travels in the same direction as another

[@elenalouis311]

context is very important yeah

[@cadenmoore8190]

Those friendships aren’t real friendships, they’re proximity based...

[@TeKeyaKrystal]

@@cadenmoore8190 does that mean they're not real ?

[@wardamati536]

I know that you don't take any requests from the fans but, could you please at least consider making a video explaining the true meaning of what maturity is ?

[@theschooloflifetv]

That's a very good idea, we will! You might in the meantime seek out our film on Wisdom - which is almost the same thing.

[@noahlanier7991]

I've been wanting one like this too! Very excited for it to come out :)

[@kanekiken5575]

+The School of Life can't wait for that to happen !

[@KiraSantosRandom4Life]

Andrea Michéle up you go

[@MaikoXSekai]

I was actually thinking of that at the end week of 2016. Ppl came to me "Oh you got your own place, your so mature." So then I began to punder...

[@cathyshepard253]

I seek friendship for the reason of having another sentient being with which to discuss the absurdity of life and to share ideas and just exist in one another's company.

[@alanturing5737]

same..

[@quantumleap4023]

That's the friend we all want. 😢

[@arribadelguaje]

lol let’s be friends then..!

[@nulliusinverba3529]

yes.. it doesn't need a clear definition or set of goals.. just a companion to share our life with.. and sometimes.. giving back to eachother

[@micaelavitullo7240]

Hey you seem wake, like you actually get it! My insta is @mic_aela_v if you ever find this reply🙂

[@xoz--]

it's true... one person can't be fun and thoughtful at the same time. you need different people to fulfill you in different ways. every friendship should be personalized and mutually beneficial.

[@Monochromatification]

Preeti K You haven't met me. I feel like I serve an "all the above" function to my friends.

[@Monochromatification]

I think more people focus on getting good friends and not enough on trying to be a good friend. I find that learning what you can offer and trying to contribute what you can is the best way to establish long lasting relationships

[@RickenMeganSkills]

Imo Emah that is very wise and I think also very true

[@grodblomma]

I don't agree. Different circumstances call for different ways to act. At a party you might be having fun and joke with your friends, but later the same night you might fall into a deeper more thoughtful discussion, listening and reassuring. I think a good friend is recognized by being able to fulfill more of these traits by knowing you. However, it's rare.

[@Monochromatification]

grodblomma Exactly my point. I find that I perform all the listed "friend functions" to different people at different times, and I also have friends whom I can call on for any of those reasons. So I found it a bit odd that each function was given a separate individual representation. I believe that the animation was merely illustrative, and not a way of saying that each function is unique to a different friend. Most friends tend to serve two or more functions.

[@ashleigh.s_]

" Friendship marks a life even more deeply than love. Love risks degenerating into obsession, friendship is never anything but sharing." After loosing a friend to suicide, no words could say better how i felt about her

[@CRebel-by9fb]

Be careful when self righteously ridding yourself of a toxic friend, without considering that you yourself are surely considered one by someone else.

[@manichispanic5234]

Just read these comments. So many victims! LOL

[@bakhop]

If someone thinks I'm toxic even better reason to free them of an unwanted burden of friendship

[@TeKeyaKrystal]

@@bakhop right

[@nulliusinverba3529]

ca... can I quote this?

[@sunflowers2469]

You want to keep toxic friends? weird !

[@arazemijo9674]

You know, I've always found that I don't understand how other people communicate because they seem, to me, to talk about absolutely nothing, and yet they have fun, feel validated and make good friends. Out of frustration with my perceived lack of intimacy with other people, I've tried talking about "nothing" as well to get along with people and hopefully share in those rewards they seem to be getting from it, but after watching this video it hit me that the reason what I consider to be "talking about nothing" is rewarding to people is perhaps because they've found people that they can trust and feel comfortable enough with to talk about "nothing" with. I think this will really change the way I look at friendship, and also at the reason for lack of connection I feel with my friends--I don't trust them enough to enjoy my company and so can't truly feel understood and liked--and I hope someone else will experience this too.

[@HeavenKeller]

Thank you for this. This hits home

[@fyonasaur]

this is how i feel when trying to be friends with my classmates. i feel like im doing something wrong, but maybe we really just arent meant to be friends friends.

[@meowareasaservice]

You're not alone. At first I often think, what's wrong with me. But now I listen to myself and stop trying to be what others perceived as normal. Maybe my friends aren't actually real friends (and I proved it right. They didn't really care when I need help. My friendship was one sided)

[@zoeanaam.6996]

@@meowareasaservice yes it's important to step back when you realize that your friendship is one sided sometimes people fool themselves into believing that somehow the friendship will work but you know from the day first either you're really friend with this person or not. It's also important to know yourself (if you're humble, funny, kind, ) you would most definitely like to be around such people rather than those who are arrogant somehow and often we Sense within ourselves either we are happy or not to be friends with them it's important that friendship must be two sided otherwise it's draining and not worth it.

[@ericeustace9662]

Bc they are unauthentic

[@areoia2896]

I suddenly feel very grateful because I have such gentle weirdo and comprehensive friends who are also very mature and very responsible. . and I have like only 4.. but I am so happy with them... they ease my life in such a beautiful way

[@stephen9381]

The nicest thing that a person has said to me is “we’re friends”, despite just meeting each other and exchanging names. Just this week

[@Me-ec9uz]

The nicest thing that a person has done to me is "draw us on the paper then it said bestfriend forever"

[@dratuang2962]

I m sad

[@stephen9381]

I regret my choices 8 months ago.

[@dratuang2962]

@@stephen9381 yeah very here in the this comment section is sooo edgy 😆😆

[@marioleonvargas7903]

@@stephen9381 hahaha. Did they fuck you over? I thought good for this person, someone that probably needed a friend also, decided to take it into their own hands to be friends with you.. Then I see this... So what happened? Looking forward for your next update.

[@greenday1347]

A friend is someone who is with you through thick and thin, there won't be many in everyone's lives.

[@safiyaabdulkarim9768]

Fr

[@elleclarisse]

Just when I'm contemplating about my friendships, y'all upload this? Stop stalking me, School of Life.

[@geerain1678]

Nobody From Nowhere ang landi mo hahaha

[@elleclarisse]

Gee Rain tangina hahaha

[@geerain1678]

Nachelle Baylon hahahaha

[@elleclarisse]

lol it was merely a joke

[@geerain1678]

Melanie Lewis LOL.. No. should be ~We forgive you... for lacking of sense of humor. HAHAHAHA

[@jellychan6146]

I actually SEARCHED for this. I'm INTROVERTED and sometimes anti-social, but I always wondered why I'm still seeking friend when I'm too tired to have the commitment. This video EXPLAINS EVERYTHING!

[@amanAMAN01]

I also feel the same

[@gkountilas]

Introversion merely means that seldom social interactions are enough for you, while an extrovert gets much less dopamine from a singular meaningful interaction. We're all social beings. You being "anti social" at times is just your battery being low or rather your satisfaction with social interactions full.

[@nicholasheal5925]

Colloquially, the terms ‘asocial’ and ‘antisocial’ get used interchangeably, to describe someone who isn’t motivated by social interaction. But in both their dictionary definitions, and a clinical mental health context, these terms have starkly different meanings. The prefix ‘anti’ means against; ‘a’ means without, or lack of. While ‘antisocial’ denotes preferences against society, or social order, ‘asocial’ refers to individuals who aren’t social. Dictionaries define antisocial behavior as “contrary to the laws and customs of society, in a way that causes annoyance and disapproval in others,” or “marked by behavior deviating sharply from the social norm.” But, an asocial person is one, who is “not interested in forming social groups, or connections with others.” But, asociality shouldn’t be confused with introvertism either because, unlike asocial individuals, introverts can crave company of others. While being antisocial appears to be a more active characteristic, being asocial is more passive. These characteristics can occasionally overlap, but don’t necessarily. To put it simply: ‘asocial’ suggests a withdrawal, marked by indifference, from society. Being asocial is a personality trait - resulting either from a lack of motivation to engage in social interactions and activities, or a strong preference for solitary activities. Being antisocial suggests active hostility towards society, and can in some instances manifest in the form of a personality disorder (called Anti-Social Personality Disorder, or ASPD). ------------------- S O U R C E ------------------- theswaddle.com/the-difference-between-asocial-and-antisocial/

[@AngelDucattiforever]

The less friends I have the happier I feel. Today´s friendship is about what I can get from you and not giving anything in return. I know is sad but that is my experience.

[@thelegendkillersshittyduff1335]

Angel Herrero humans only care bout themselves

[@fluffymarshmallow4959]

Angel Herrero Dam, so you guys never had a real friendship? :/ But to be true it is just as hard or even harder than finding a partner.

[@Breezybreenana]

Those types of experiences in our lives mirror what we do on a subconcious level and have no idea of. My judgement for friends would be that they aren't fun enough, and don't accept me for me.. they don't accept all of me. My judgement is because I'm not very fun or silly right now, and I don't always accept them for them. This is because I don't do either of these things with myself, so the more figure out where these beliefs come from the more I being them to my awareness, and the more i start being the person I want in my life and the more i attract people like me. 😀

[@reemaalhamdan1]

I am sorry if these are the only types of friendships you've experienced. However, your comment probably necessities the existence of the friend you're looking for- humans are more similar than different, unless they're a psychopath. Maybe you just need to voice your needs better and expect the other person to be just as flawed as you are. Be on the lookout for toxic AND good friends. I hope you get to have better experiences in the future.

[@reemaalhamdan1]

@@Breezybreenana Kudos!

[@johansonsaten]

This is really important in this day and age. I find that as I grow older more and more people seem to define the notion of friendship as just people to pass time with or just have fun with, but when sh*t hits the fan you find yourself completely alone, but what I had realized through the years is that being alone is better than wasting your time with people who no matter how long you know them or how often you interact with them will never strive for intimacy, and not in the romantic sense but rather in the friendship sense.

[@mephistophelesthesilentchi3446]

In all honesty, I don't fall into this idea of seeking or having friends because I'm ambitious, insecure, bored and unfocused.Although I recognise and try to assist/fulfil these needs and traits with my own friends, I always see my ordeals through alone be it by choice or circumstance, I don't trust anyone who is not me to deal with my problems.But don't mistake me for family man either, blood is thicker than water but it's nowhere near as enduring or flexible.So in my opinion, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.

[@YumiYumY]

PREACH BROTHER!!

[@Rucola438]

mephistopheles the silent chief this makes me think too much 😂 i agree with both you and the video. i see why one would rely on himself and focus on problems by himself, but i think the video puts it in the way of when we have certain points in life when we are lost, either needing networking, someone to listen, have fun with or discover ourselves with, that's where friends are for. i don't think the video disregards the idea of putting you as your first helper. just a thought

[@mephistophelesthesilentchi3446]

Nail Polish You're absolutely right about that, I just think friendship is a little overrated.

[@xBobz99]

At the end of your arm ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[@Rucola438]

Do you mind explaining that a bit more? I'm curious because I truly value friendships so I'm interested in your point of view

[@natalieann9710]

"I like people, but I like them in short bursts. I don't like people for extended periods of time. I'm all right with them for a little while, but once you get up past a minute, minute and a half. I gotta get the fuck outta there!" George Carlin Lol the older you get the truer this is.

[@thelegendkillersshittyduff1335]

Bittersweet Natalie fuck yea. Heard bout George 2 months ago. He's awesome isn't he?

[@2ndbrid]

All I learned from this video is that I want to do puzzles.

[@clumsydad7158]

that's a positive

[@tamaliaalisjahbana9354]

That is because it is a pathetic video with no means of conveying the richness and wonder of friendship.

[@AmitKumar-je7rn]

@@tamaliaalisjahbana9354 No, this video is great. It tell us about the norm of friendship rather than what you heard from movies and dramatic people.

[@tamaliaalisjahbana9354]

@@AmitKumar-je7rn I am an old lady Amit and I have had many long, beautiful and extremely loving friendships. Some have lasted over 40 years. They have enriched my life enormously. I do not need to look at films or books. I have had the actual experiences. Friendship is an art and the person who made this video does not appear to have understood that art. What he says about it is shallow, sad and pathetic.

[@AmitKumar-je7rn]

@@tamaliaalisjahbana9354 it is about the purpose of friendship and it explains it clearly. Everything which came out of this purpose are those great experiences which you have with your friends. People generally don’t think about purpose before making friends and things naturally happens but not for all. This video put more emphasis on how purpose is also important in friendship rather then seeing it is a cynical thing.

[@vincitblade3612]

I love the concept of friends, like, "this one seems fine, time to spend all the extra time that I want with you".

[@maxims086]

As a kid I had many friends and I had no idea what friendship was. Now that I know what friendship is I got no friends, just coworkers, relatives, acquaintances, drinking buddies, like-minded individuals etc... Friendship is either a stiff idea with inherent rules, or a flexible unplanned outcome of life, but then if you try to idealize it, it vanishes.

[@Alassandros]

Networking. Reassurance. Fun. Mental Clarification. These are the four purposes of friendship as submitted by the video.

[@dannysze8183]

to be honest, most of the people are not friendship materials. true friends are people who stand by you when you have problems. most of the people who just keep a distance from you when you are down. care about your true friends when they care about you. most of the people are very proud to have self centred acquaintances, this is a wrong approach. most of the people are self centred and do not know and will not care about others. spending too much time with these people will only pull you down. I went to social parties sometimes, and strange thing is everyone is talking about themselves and actually no one is listening to others. it sounds fun, but if you think it deeper, it is very boring.

[@andybird3956]

anyone else listen to these and start to feel so wise and enlightened and then remember they have 2 million subscribers and that you're not special

[@Mattattak]

I've had the same friends for most of my life... they are everything to me

[@subhashissingh4767]

For me having friends is quite a daunting task. Just a single friend my mother.

[@allyson--]

why daunting?

[@favouritemusic8959]

She may not last forever unfortunately.

[@mactireliath2356]

A lot of people claim to not have any friends. It may be time to consider then, why you have nothing to offer the human race with your presence. It's easy to blame everyone else, but if you haven't recognized your own faults, then you are probably the one to blame for your loneliness. I have been there, and in some ways am there right now. It's time to take some responsibility

[@JailanSimon]

Mac Tireliath well damn lol

[@sada0101]

Or maybe, many think not having friends is fine? and noone is at fault?

[@kittypie7864]

True friendship is truly beautiful, even if you don't talk for a year, the bond will forever be there, it's not sexual or abusive, by simply sharing your thoughts, feeling and opening yourself to another and accept each other. These days, It's so hard to find trust true friends, because most people are too preoccupied with their lives and trouble, and it is very hard to trust, after so many disappointments or betrayal, you have to first open your heart to the right person, go through obstacles together or share the same passion and always help one another to call someone a true friend.

[@exortus359]

In the end, you still will be all alone by yourself, solving your own shits.

[@seaweeddiaries216]

1.networking: To collaborate and fill in the skill gaps to achieve a bigger purpose 2.reassurance: they share their stories So that we treat ourselves with more compassion and understanding and let us no that we're not alone 3. Fun: To get out of the mundane and repetition and have fun, when we can be ourselves and they love our presence 4.clarifying our minds : A reliable one we can talk out our thoughts and organisr them to make sense they conduct the conversation in a way that would give us more clarity to our present state

[@AnstonMusic]

Friendship is Magic, simple as that.

[@distinctloafer]

Anston [Music] what?! better if you don't say at all, friendship is magic, in what way does that help us understand friendship?

[@sammariofan]

Anston [Music] Agreed, it should be magic. But our current would makes it seems superficial and otherwise. It's difficult finding those friends but not impossible

[@TorquemadaTwist]

Emil Ranfors It doesn't matter if that's how you self identify, you s still deserve friendship, Emil.

[@emilranfors1446]

Bruce Dunn gaaaay

[@TorquemadaTwist]

Emil Ranfors Yes, and when you find that special man for yourself you'll be haaappy.

[@annettehansen6047]

Good friends are one of the best things in life. I've had true and not true friends. I had friends who took advantage of me and manipulated me by acting like they cared about me. When I stopped letting them use me, they turned on me. I thought that was what I was good for till then. I also had friends who used alcohol and drugs and I thought they were helping me to live my best life but my addiction messed my life up so I let go of all those friends. Now I have friends who show me that they love me, care about me, support me, and help me to solve my problems and live a good life. They show me that I'm a good person who deserves respect and they give me constructive criticism in a living way not insult me when I make mistakes. They help you solve problems and be successful and live a better life.

[@kaymilan3928]

wow... really really appreciate this video, as it silently speaks loudly to me.. I've never had many friends because I struggle to connect over superficial and hollow conversations and purpose.. I've always been a seeker of depth and value in my connection with other humans, and the ability to just be self around someone ..and whenever I've sensed an element of fakeness , malice or lack of genuineness, I'd easily dismiss the friend/acquaintance and slide back to enjoying my time alone.. I am a loner , and I ENJOY my space. I'm not shy, or rude, I enjoy who I am and Confidently so. when strangers try to enter my barrier or radius, by uttering a friendly compliment, greeting positively, I do respond back kindly. but regardless of this, I don't just let anyone in easily.. because I've been a little disappointed by friendships before. ie, male friends I really cared for attempting to cross that line of friendship and turn it sexual , and female friends turning shallow, making rude comments or exuding behaviour of jealousy and intention to embarrass.. however I'm glad to say I have one friend I am constantly grateful for and constantly dedicate my life to, my fiancé. I accept the fact that my lover happens to be my best friend..I am comfortable with not having plenty of friends, because this one human means the universe to me...yes friendships have disappointed me, and I do sometimes yearn for a group of sisters I could gossip with and cry with .. but I acknowledge the fact that that is not my destiny, to have big crowds. . I accept my journey as an introvert and truly happy and fulfilled because I became friends with myself first, before I could seek one elsewhere. and because I am good friends with self, I am happy to share myself with my fiancé/friend/lover/hubby/everything . I'm okay with this...thank you for the video.

[@7Keeru]

Most people are more selfish, fake, difficult to deal with and superficial. it doesn't matter if you share similar interest or goals. Even though you would like to make friends, we begin to compare with our past friends, mistakes, or even true friends and even label them based on what you truly seek now. The thing is that you get easily dissapointed the more interactions you've had; you see others' flaws as more negative than before, you don't want to be open to others as a consequence; in a way it may seem better since we want better friendships, however it's also because we become more demanding too. But to those that are self-loathing, you need to love yourself if you want others to love you back, you have to help yourself first after all. I know that some are "lucky" to have met good friends. And keep in mind that is okay to end up alone.

[@machtrebel]

“Now I even hate to be with people whom I used to meet with pleasure; I know them so well, I can tell just what they are going to say and what I am going to answer. Each brain is like a circus, where the same horse keeps circling around eternally. We must circle round always, around the same ideas, the same joys, the same pleasures, the same habits, the same beliefs, the same sensations of disgust.” Guy de Maupassant

[@mauricetaylor209]

Yes, a well-worn record is a pleasure in art, but tedium in life.

[@cass.i.am_]

This video might be the thing that saves my friendship with my best friends. I feel I might've over-reacted a ton, and I think I need to apologize because without them, I probably would've been a completely different person. A bad one at that.

[@NightfallShadow]

Purpose of Friendship: A temporary cure of boredom. Having someone there whom is like you in enough ways to share an interest with that you can discuss, debate and talk about the various things you are interested in. As well as furthering our support groups for financial reasons. Having friends means you have a much easier time finding roommates. The other purpose of friendship is the cure for loneliness. We are extremely social animals that require more than just our family members and offspring to satisfy our own personal social commutative circles.

[@muhammedcihathan1526]

The Toxic Atheist yeahh totally agree why cant they see it

[@muhammedcihathan1526]

Anom Mona you will regret some day but for now you are comparing human relations with drugs and cant get how pathetic that is

[@renogunzddragon1900]

***** did i kick you in the face? why are you so mad?

[@donquixote2072]

I avoid making friends, they always end up being a pain in the a$$. My outlook on relationships is cold and mechanical, I only start one when mutual cooperation is a necessity to overcome a difficult situation. This is attitude has helped me from ended up as a utility.

[@neilshah8908]

I'd love to work for this channel. I've watched every single video and they precisely depict how I've thought about things all my life. I've found my favorite KZbin channel for sure.

[@theschooloflifetv]

Thanks so much.

[@GeorgeRappel]

I'd love to contribute with subtitles in Brazilian Portuguese. But without the English ones some words are quite impossible for be as a non-native english speaker.

[@salahworx3651]

I would create the designs for the animation.

[@RosesAndIvy]

George Rappel There are now English subtitles.

[@monsoon1174]

Why is your favorite KZbin channel an echo chamber?

[@FlyingAero]

Damn, One Punch Man Season 2 is lookin kinda weak not gonna lie

[@comedyman4896]

Uh

[@aiiiia9971]

That made me laugh, and I'm not even a OPM fan or anything.

[@djdb1214]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@MMM-rw6bl]

Thanks for the honesty

[@Iegoboyl2345678]

If you only knew

[@lolllipopamandalah9080]

I never went out of my way to become friends with someone. I never knew the purpose of having friends. I knew that there were people with value in them, that could help me do certain things I'm unable to do. I even pretended to be friends of other people to help them solve their problems, or to help myself solve my problems, but never actually became friends with them. now thanks to this video I am understand; 21 years later lol.😊

[@Odrikah]

Gosh, I really need to stop going into comment sections. I feel so bad that like 90% of the people down here are all like "Don't need friends" or "Don't have any friends" or "Never had any friends". All these comments are more jaded than the jewelry section at an antique mall. Of course it's well within people's rights to feel the way they do, I'm not telling anyone to stop, it just... idk, sad stuff, dude, sad stuff.

[@TheMrsJellyBelly]

Ohai Driku why do you think so?

[@ljay3379]

I agree with you. It's quite unfortunate and this is coming from someone who doesn't have friends at the moment! I've never viewed life as existing separate from those around me. We live in an interdependent reality. The purpose of friendship is to enrich your life. And being selective about those you let into your life is a factor in having fulfilling friendships. It is sad that some people would completely shut themselves off to potentially amazing partnerships.

[@Odrikah]

jokar Well, to go deeper into it, (And anyone can feel free to disagree with me here, this isn't the word of law) humans are social animals, we team up to do things and we get lonely when we are completely shut off. This is not to say that everyone should just adopt a herd mindset, but having at least one friend (And I mean a real friend, not the twisted idea of a "friend" some people have from bad past experiences) to be able to fall back on and trust while still keeping your individuality doesn't just feel nice, it's healthy and often times can be a life saver. And the thing is, if your friend is a real, GENUINE friend, that isn't hard, because they would respect you and let you have that individuality. I think it's easy in the modern world where people can physically get by on their own with the help of technology for people to forget the benefits of having a buddy to help them out. My point is, a real friend is helpful, knowledgeable, wise, forgiving, and caring. I think a lot of people down here have had bad experiences with people who have called themselves their "friends", and so they have a misunderstanding of the word. If they didn't make you feel good or fulfill you in any way, they weren't really your friend. They lied. I just find it a shame that people who have been through things like that, the people who are probably in the most need of a REAL friend, would reject any that came along based on preconceived notions of what friendship is. Thus, sad stuff.

[@Odrikah]

L Jay It's true, dude. Everything is intertwined, everyone is in this together. Fighting it and trying to exist and define yourself completely separate from everything and everyone else is like trying to scoop up the Sahara with a teaspoon.

[@ljay3379]

Anom Mona Wow. How silly of you to assume to know my life. I'm not a Christian -- nor do I subscribe to any religion. The paradigm from which you see the world is rather pessimistic. But don't be fooled into thinking I'd even take the time to convince you to be otherwise. If you enjoy being completely alone, that's your prerogative. But that doesn't negate that this reality is built on interdependence.

[@martinmegazor]

Just to make it easier for other people trying to remember the four friendly puzzle pieces: According to this video, these are the four reasons you need friends: networking, reassurance, fun, clarifying our minds. Thanks for making these videos! Also this is one of the most beautiful presentations of a School of Life video that I've encountered! Kudos to the animator/s and illustrator/s! :)

[@OfftheChainz]

This video has helped me get over the guilt I have been carrying for a while for distancing myself from proto friends some years ago. I did this after repeatedly requesting that we should do more to help each other acheive our goals instead of just killing time when we spent time together. Unfortunately they didn't take that into consideration and I slowly faded out of their lives but I was still feeling guilty about it until I watched this!

[@jethrobradley7850]

Proto friends sometimes want people to 'stay stuck' with. Or they want you around to compare themselves with - are they doing better or worse than you? I'm just starting the process of a cull of these kinds of people. They are not bad or toxic per se but they are variously nosey, flaky and confusing to be around. I have a couple of proto friends, for example, who will message with vague questions and often not reply to my reply. I don't even think they know why they message. I think they just want to check that I haven't secretly succeeded without them 😊

[@akj3344]

I think meeting friends daily destroys friendship. You gotta let them miss you

[@cl759]

Akshay Joshi man, you are thinking about relatives not friends

[@corazondemelon7308]

Then you’re not friends

[@yadanada4106]

What? That makes no sense. I don’t think the point is to have constant meet ups and chats daily, but if you don’t want your friendships to drift apart or for them to become acquaintances, you have to maintain the bond too and not just disappear so they “miss you”

[@spiderscurry5614]

@@yadanada4106 yes

[@bebojo21]

Lately I have been thinking (probably over-thinking) about why I should befriend others. I am conflicted between if befriending new people will lead to more worries and conflict, and create an unhealthy focus on socialization VS my other interests; or if it will improve and grow myself and positively help others lives. I often believe that most humans, at a base level, are making friends to get sex to produce offspring as well as to avoid being killed by humans that have not been befriended, which I do not want to be, and this belief has caused me to not find value in friendship. But this video's perspective has helped me find a good purpose in pursuing healthy friendships. So I've come to the conclusion that I will make friends and see what happens without worrying about socially acting "wrong," and eventually I may find friends who will really make life better. Thank you for this helpful video, and hopefully anyone who has read my comment will have benefited in some way.

[@GodWorksOut]

I forgot what it was like to have friends in 2016.

[@geerain1678]

GodWorksOut i feel you bro

[@johns8620]

Amen!

[@ender8759]

Omg me too

[@user-dq2ym1nn9k]

Just wait til it's 2024...

[@iya1989]

I'm recovering from a traumatic experience over the course of a couple of years, now I've spent time alone I really do see the value of friendship and togetherness. And I know more clearly than before what I am looking for. For which I am grateful.

[@salmaselmaoui1397]

I watch this and i don't even have friends.

[@salmaselmaoui1397]

I cannot say that 'cuz i don't have fake friends either .

[@pez4]

It must be because you're ace

[@waldoperedo7713]

Salma Selmaoui Jesus is your friend

[@iferlyf8172]

He's dead tho

[@Z19901000sadd4m]

same here

[@chapachuu]

This is exactly what I believe, and I'm called "cold" for believing friends should serve a purpose or I'm just wasting my (and their) time. Too bad it's so far been impossible to find a real friend; I've resigned myself to solidarity.

[@kafkawood]

This video reminds me of my favorite opera: Dalibor, from Bedřich Smetana. One of its main motifs is celebration of friendship. To contemporary ears, these lyrics are often misinterpreted as a gay affection, revealing that modern man has truly forgotten what is friendship. Forgive my clumsy translation from the Czech language. Dalibor´s ode: "I´ve always resisted temptation of a women´s lustful eyes, All I have ever wanted was a true friend. My wish was fulfilled, and I could dream of friendship in arms of Zdeněk." Although Zdeněk was killed long ago, by the end Dalibor finds a new friend: one, who he considers to be Zdeněk´s spirit, but in reality it is a woman, Milada, concealed as a peasant in order to rescue him. What has always striked me unique was the absence of a typical romance, which was utterly replaced with pure friendship - with both a man, and a woman. Personally, when I was younger, even I was thinking it is slightly idealized, but as I grow older, I am not so sure anymore. I believe that as the society simplifies everything in sake of comfort, a friendship is just another seemingly irational relation to be sacrificed. The first step has been made, the word "friendship" has been devolved to something almost automatic. Everyone is friend, keep smiling, and all that jazz. The human has become so frightened by the idea of loneliness, that he rather accepts everyone, than none. But as there is no light without darkness, there is no acceptance without rejection, and so began the vanishing of friendship.

[@graypaint]

Purposeful friendships.. 1) Network to accomplish the same purpose 2) Reassure one another with vulnerability to deeply reflect, judge, and gain insight into things 3) have Fun to freely express daft, silly sides of ourselves without shame 4) Clarify our minds allowing us to focus and mirror subjects to shed light on or solve ~issews~

[@robertocatapang]

The School of Life is my thinking friend. I wish I had more of those

[@lucas4736]

Min 4:50 talking about friends that are useless and are in life because of the universe and having the courage to distance yourself from that friend has been a changing point in my life, even 2 years after hearing the comment

[@hangrychris9566]

I'm the shady friend in every friendship

[@mrgeezful]

thanks to his i'm kinda starting to believe that my depression is actually helping me to understand more and more of myslef for my own good in the long term. your videos are powerful man, never stop doing them there so many things that are unclear to the people who ask the right questions to themselves and i am sure you're helping

[@RayHorn5128088056]

My pets are my best friends.

[@clumsydad7158]

My children

[@OP-xi1hv]

nah, they hate you but tolerate and use you for food.

[@tomdekel881]

this is so accurate, it always gets me intrigued about philosophy when I sit around once in a while and wonder, why do we need friends? why do we to get married? why does people act the way they do, so many things that we do automatically and never got the answer why

[@MrJBS1978]

The purpose of friendship is to compare genitals.

[@alawi3246]

Jawa Sawana yes

[@JailanSimon]

Jawa Sawana you can call it that 😅

[@TorquemadaTwist]

Jawa Sawana Yep.

[@altaroffire56]

Please, not in this channel.

[@majeedmuhammadtanveer5835]

Jawa Sawana haha you made my day

[@greebat]

Who else had specific friends come to mind as he was explaining each type of friend? Great video, I love my friends.

[@Jezeus11]

“It’s not what you know, it’s who you know”

[@BruceLeefromthegrave]

As a person who spent one and a half decades without any friends as I did elementary education, from pre-k to 12th grade, I can say that you need to know how to relate with people and work with people without being shy or difficult to work with. And, in addition, from my experience, you tend not have depression when you are with people who are about your age that you can have an interesting conversation with or help each other out. I just turned 20, and in college. From these 1 and a half years of college, I can say that life can get very stressful since you have to overcome many things from doing well in classes to finding a job and paying your school. To me, the hardest thing is anxiety from failing and getting lonely sometimes. I think that if people can knock one of these off, then they will have a happy college experience.

[@beth_9214]

Brilliant, not only defines how a friend should look like, but also defines you as a friend!!! 😊 We have a lot of friends on Facebook, but nearly 5 of them are real friends, nearly 5 of them fulfill their purpose as a friend, so it's really important nowadays to know how a friend should look like!!! 😊

[@peppermintprincess7442]

Trusting friends is important. I Have a friend that I talk to when Times are rough. I share good Times. I can tell him anything. I know that whatever I talk about Stay's between us, he would Never tell anyone what I talk About. I can cry,laugh, and Express anger and I know It will be ok. It's always Good to have a trusted Friend. I always feel Good knowing that what I tell my friend will never Go further than the two of Us, he's a true and trusting Friend. I'm one lucky lady!

[@marinameilenstein]

Me: wants to make friends Also me: completely loses interest when someone is trying to get close to me

[@kennylima7065]

Same!!

[@t-squared6406]

My friends and I talk about deep things,help each other,have fun together,move things forward!

[@mauromodica]

if only i had friends...

[@JailanSimon]

Mauro Modica ✊🏿✊🏿✊🏿

[@geerain1678]

Mauro Modica we can be friends if you like *wide smile*

[@soslothful]

We're glad to not have your sympathy.

[@mauromodica]

Well guys if you want me to reply, here I am! Yeee now i've got friends on the internet

[@notjohnwayne2960]

Mauro Modica not with this attitude bud

[@falkerwyscray9067]

A true friend is who you can share or show your vulnerability. A vulnerability with one hit or touch, it will break you like a glass

[@geerain1678]

My only friend is myself. 😁

[@raoulduke806]

the best you can have

[@raoulduke806]

@plica06 Hookers my friend, hookers. Pamela is just for people with no money

[@blueinkheart]

I think each of our best friends should be ourselves anyway. Continue growing your truest expressions of self-love (your art, your personal ambitions, your self-growth), and the energy of your own friendship with yourself will likely attract the company of others who want to share in that energy. "If you build it they will come"-type deal.

[@meh3128]

The true purpose is to use each other

[@muhammedcihathan1526]

My point is some might love to see you fail dont think he is a bad person hang out with him without over valuing him. someday you might become real friends (people change) someday you might meet his other friends and be friends with them.and if he directly does something to harm you you can always stop seeing him. Dont forget everyone you are close isnt going to be you BEST friend some ppl can show up sometimes and thats ok whats wrong with it? Do the things which you want your friend to do.you open up first, you love unconditionally who doesnt like some who acts close to her? (İ really would like to learn why you think that way cant get)

[@MJ-gm7km]

So you must be the kind of person who loves to see people fail. Can't think of any other reason you'd write a long paragraph, trying to encourage people befriend those who want to see them miserable. Seek help.

[@Hasibuzzamantaz]

in my many years on the internet....... this channel is the best thing that happened to me

[@disposession101]

it really depends on what kind of friends you have. i have friends, who are close, but they aren't a definite definition of "close friends". they know my behavior and personality and my antics, and i know their's but that seems just about it. it seems as though we aren't real friends who support each other emotionally? i don't think i'd like to be in friendships like that. but i feel as though we make an ideal (best) friend in our heads, and when we see someone who is similar to our idealized figure, we befriend them. however, when we realize that the person we befriended doesn't make us happy or fulfill our emotional (and physical-not sexual) needs, we become afraid-afraid that if we leave that person, we will find no one, and we will fall into a depth of nothingness (aka loneliness).

[@allyson--]

? how do you know someone really well but both choose not to support one another emotionally?

[@michaelarmstrong4351]

I am not an expert on friendship - but if individuals can be disadvantaged by their environmental circumstances so they are less capable of being amusing (example those who are ill or treat chronic illnesses) and their resources are finite (large bills, being tired and less able to self develop) then the first two routes of friendship are not open to them and thus it may be that individuals have different capacities for friendship based on what they have experienced/encountered by their environment. If an individual is not self-actualized then it means they are lower on the Maslow's hierarchial needs pyramid and thus it implies that their attentions are focused elsewhere and they have less to offer higher up on the pyramid which includes friendship development. This philosophy of seeking only the most capable friends means that society will remain divided as those in the better and worse positions will remain segregated with the most social networks remaining at the top of the pyramid. Comments welcome. BTW - I am not M Armstrong - name just came up as I signed in. I want to acknowledge these are not his opinions.

[@allyson--]

I see what you're saying but am not entirely sure if seeking the friend who is right for you causes a divide. there will always be people at the same level as you who can be your potential friend but it's not impossible to be friends with people who are much higher or lower than you on the self-actualization scale. You can still be friendly and kind-hearted to everyone just your closest friend must be someone who can really understand you otherwise it may not feel fulfilling enough.

[@belenhernandoscocchi649]

I think sometimes these friend types can overlap...

[@sadgiraffe1914]

When you mentioned the people who seem to orbit around us without ever helping us have fun, learn about ourselves, or accomplish things, I immediately thought of several people in my life. This one person in particular is someone that I work with. He's rude, and even though he admits that he is, he continues to be insensitive. We never seem to be happy at the same time. When I am having a bad day, he's having a great day. He wants to believe that he's more important and useful than me. He's the type of person who will "stab me in the back" to make the boss like him a little more, and make me look bad. For whatever reason, we can never make each other laugh. His humor is more sexual, and mine is more dark. He is willing to help me get things done, but he does it begrudgingly. And above all, he's not interested in helping people understand themselves, probably because he doesn't want to fully examine himself. I'm glad I watched this video.

[@marioleonvargas7903]

By now you two probably got married or are at least best friends. You sound just like your description of him hahah

[@realbobbyaxel]

I read a quote from ABRAHAM LINCOLN: "If friendship is your weakest point, you are the strongest person in the world."

[@paulcook1494]

I choose friends I can both teach and learn from, as well as mutual love and support, anything less is a waste.

[@hollya1279]

I don't have friends. I don't need friends. Friends are energy vampires imo. I'm happy alone ☺️👍

[@Shimamon27]

Agreed.

[@Tr33Tr331]

agree, some people are more productive without friends and being around needy people can drain energy

[@realbobbyaxel]

Can't agree more Holly!

[@sammariofan]

Holly M friends should take your energy as well as you take theirs so that the waves can be amplified, giving depths to your thoughts and being able to continuing growing together

[@hollya1279]

Samescape well I must have only ever met takers because most people only ever left me feeling drained. The people I've met who wanted to be my "friend"s were just selfish, dramatic and needy

[@johnmartin2813]

In other words make friends with yourself first of all. Then be very very choosey. Remember one good enemy is worth a million bad friends.

[@alexanderstrindberg6516]

Me: I'm so stupid, ugh I hate myself Friends: yeah we hate you too.

[@clumsydad7158]

ha

[@askar4kill]

I have just kinda lost a friendship that lasted 15yrs. Watching this video has given me a very interesting perspective.

[@burokkori3408]

After this video, I need to get in touch with my jigsaw puzzles.

[@domiziana6434]

This channel has been helping me understand myself like nothing else. Thank you so much for the time and effort that you guys put in creating these awesome videos.

[@Diedela]

I don’t need friends, they disappoint me

[@robynfree8407]

True. When you think about it most people want something from the people they hang out with. If we were a true friend we wouldn't want anything from others (even their company) and would just want the best for them with or without us. I think it is a sign of true maturity to need few if any friends. The sooner people realise that we come into the world along and leave it alone and stop 'seeking company or companionship' to make themselves 'feel better', the better off we would all be. Most relationships involve some kind of 'quid pro quo'/silent bartering. When we are young we may need friends in order to understand how and where we 'fit in'. When one is a mature adult one feels less the need to fit in nor to have 'friends' to validate us and it is truly emancipating to just be able to be and like ourselves and our own company..

[@in7687]

today we live in a complex world. keeping it simple is very foreign.

[@Classicthinker]

honestly, I feel so frustrated finding a satisfying friendship. All the so-called friends I just find them so incompatible. Honestly you know what, I should just stop hanging with people who don't make me feel good. What is even the point of keep on hanging out with people whom you don't even respect? whose viewpoints you despise, that's poisonous and cancerous. I would rather be alone than being with people i don't enjoy being with at all. It just makes me feel sick. That's all. Nothing more. honestly, i should listen to my mind more, than doing things i don't enjoy doing at all. I am disgusting myself.

[@TommyLikeTom]

the dancing food animation really brought across your point

[@kalpnasaxena9112]

I can say this today that in the past 3 years, the most useful, helpful and influential thing to happen to me is your channel

[@mihancic]

What a great idea with the puzzle heads for friends.

[@nadiyac844]

This video was super useful. Lately I've realised I don't actually have any idea what friendships are for and why I find certain people so unsatisfying to be around whilst others feel so good to be around.

[@Social_Mechanic]

Not a fan of looking at friends in a utilitarian point of view

[@lucasfreeman9469]

As he says in the video, while the prospect of evaluating our friendships in this way may not be very savory, it can be a great tool in determining whether those we call our 'friends' are truly friends at all. It's not necessarily utilitarian in an egotistical or selfish way: someone who is in your circle of so-called 'friends', yet provides no benefit of true friendship, is likely doing both you and themselves a disservice by allowing or promoting this pseudo-friendship. The same would be true for you in that situation: you are not doing the 'friend' any favors by prolonging the friendship as it is in its current state. If the friendship exists only by name or status, then neither person is being bettered by the existence of that friendship. So, by transforming that relationship (the less likely and, in my opinion, less possible option), or by cutting it off, you would likely be doing both yourself and the so-called 'friend' a favor. It seems like an ultimately beneficial way of treating friendships, to me.

[@Social_Mechanic]

That still sounds very utilitarian to me. I feel like if you ask "what is this person doing for ME", then you are the problem, not them. If you are still happy whilst being in their company, that is reason enough. OF COURSE there are situation where you may think a "friend" is being negative to you and introducing negative things to you life, but someone doesn't have to be positive (gains) to not be negative. There is a neutral area there.

[@lucasfreeman9469]

It certainly is utilitarian, I don't dispute that. That's the part that people, like yourself maybe, won't find very inviting about the method described in the video. What I was trying to convey in my comment was that it's not *just* selfish or egotistical utilitarianism though: it's utilitarianism for both parties involved, to analyze your friendships this way. You are doing both yourself *and* the other person a favor by considering whether or not you are being bettered by the relationship the two of you have. I agree, if you are happy being in someone's company, genuinely, then there is reason enough to remain their friend. But I wouldn't call that neutral: that situation sounds pretty positive to me, regardless of whether you can identify the benefit your friend is providing you there or not. I don't really think there's a neutral area in this instance, because of the nature of friendship itself. How can you have a 'neutral' friendship, where there's no positive gain whatsoever? Doesn't sound like much of a friendship at all. I think it makes sense that friends provide something positive, strangers provide something neutral, and enemies provide something negative. If your friends aren't doing anything to improve your life, I don't see how the term 'friend' can apply to them anymore, beyond implying maybe how often you meet up with them. But friends aren't just people we meet on a regular basis.

[@Cosmic.tardigrade]

The video is asking "What is this person doing for me?" ... And it can help to get away people that is not good for you and fake ... But also help you think about what are you doing for your friends ... What is your place in their lives? Why should them keep you calling "friend"? ... They only menction some "kinds" of friends, but there are a lot more, they just say that you have to recognize which person would help you to be happy and which one makes you feel insecure an miserable ... (sorry for my english, hope you have a great day)

[@japikolee]

Actually, all these "uses" of friends are about hanging out with people who treat you well and are there for you.

[@jordantatham6634]

The greater purpose of friendship (or companionship in general) is so that you may not have to carry the burden or living all by yourself and so that you don’t have to suffer alone.