The Rise of the Soft Boy

[@forgottenartform]

Honestly when you lay it all out, who wouldn't want a soft boy? A guy who can express his emotions in a healthy way is a big win

[@fantasticmaan]

Do you think being soft equates to being able to show emotions in a healthy way? I think it’s about sensitivity more than anything but I’m a man actively trying to engage is this kind of discourse (amicably)

[@forgottenartform]

@@fantasticmaan I'd say showing emotions in a healthy way is going to be a positive to anyone, from the soft boys to the man mountain bodybuilder and everyone in between. I'd say soft boys (from my way of seeing it) is being tender, having some level of sensitivity to other people's needs as well as their own, and being comfortable in their skin as they are :)

[@fantasticmaan]

@@forgottenartform I love that. And can agree on many levels

[@sugarcoatit1664]

Honestly yes, normalize men being human beings ❤

[@charity_catt]

We should just call it 'Normal/Healthy/Communicating Boy' instead of soft boy, as a boy who can communicate their feelings is not 'soft' or 'bad' or 'feminine' - it's just very very healthy and should be seen as a role model! #'Healthy Boy' rise!

[@fairygodmother139]

Soft doesn’t mean bad lmao

[@charity_catt]

@@fairygodmother139 I mean, soft is not bad in itself, but I would assume a man wouldn't like to be called a 'soft boy' - so this was my attempt at a other term

[@spacebar9733]

@@charity_catt being a strong woman is a good thing but a soft man is bad? I hope you see where this is rooted in misogyny. You’re pulling us back 😭

[@charity_catt]

@@spacebar9733 fuxk, didn't see that! what should we do then? normalize soft boys? like we normalize strong women? but will men not hate on other men for being soft??

[@Greatduck777]

@@spacebar9733it’s just that some people don’t like being called soft, but like to be healthy and communicate how they feel and their emotions, as a man, I personally don’t like being called soft, it’s not bad but it feels a bit like an insult, but I do enjoy communicating my emotions.

[@spaghettiking7312]

May the soft boy overtake this chad clown show.

[@fairygodmother139]

AMENNNNNN

[@Pimpslapp]

LoL yeahhh whatever you still gonna want it hard

[@solarsouls601]

you know whats fucked up? bad boys werent supposed to be what they are today. they were supposed to be emotional guys who rebelled against corruption and injustice, with a depressing view of the world because of the things they went through, which further charges their passions for "delinquency" (fighting for equality and justice under protests, and maybe pissing off the cops). they were supposed to be punks, not...not what its thought of as now. it just...makes me sad man. i dunno how to even end this, im just. disappointed thinking about it

[@painunending4610]

Who said it was supposed to be that? Was there a blueprint for the 'bad boy' that I didn't hear about?

[@beckypages2962]

Is nobody gonna talk about the lady at 1:16 saying "pathetic men are back"? How can people expect men to be more receptive to the idea of being more open with their emotions if that's the way some women are gonna describe them? I dunno it just really rubbed me the wrong way :/ Also I read in someone else's comment that the protagonist of Challengers ended up cheating on the soft boy with the bad boy only to go back to the soft boy. That feels more like wanting someone you can hurt without repercussions.

[@daltonbedore8396]

so many female-centric movies revolve around this same fantasy man that can be treated this way and will "still love her" when she finally pulls her head out of her ass. (as a straight man) it's wild to see people attracted to men consume these stories uncritically.

[@tinysey]

I also don’t like the wording ‘pathetic’. I wanted this video to be a conversation on how men can embrace their emotions and express their love. Art did that well. On the other hand, how that actually turned out for Art in the movie is a disservice to convincing men to embrace some of these qualities. It perpetuates a lot of the fears men already have around acting in a softer manner. So in that sense the movie was perpetuating a stereotype. I think average women would appreciate a man who can express his emotions in a healthy way. Tashi was not the average woman.

[@sugarcoatit1664]

Let’s normalize men not being made fun of for being human beings ❤

[@sirokami2992]

As a man, what you should be is pretty simple. Strong and kind. And strong in more than just physicality but also emotionally. And there are times where you are strong, and times where you are weak. It’s only a natural cycle.

[@painunending4610]

As a man what you should be is whatever you want Women are being told more frequently that they can be what they choose, yet men are still expected to be strong even though, as you said, they will inevitably be weak

[@Elientjepientje.]

I think everybody would benefit from men being allowed to just be themselves. Creating archetypes or genres of men is probably not going to help. And neither is guys trying to be a man that women like. That's still going to make men feel like they have to try to fit into some kind of mould. It's just a different mould. I think its very important to have conversations about how society gives men only limited options on how to be a man. I think a lot of men dehumanize or objectify themselves in order to fit into these standards without even realizing. I think it's important that men figure out a way to be a man that allows them to feel comfortable in their masculinity and that allows them to be a complex human being

[@TinaMarie12]

I love a soft boy, personally.

[@MrGeorgetudo]

ESL I think a very important point to be raised in the discussion about the "soft men archetype" is that it cannot be placed in a box and stereotyped to the point where devotion to the other person in a relationship becomes something toxic, where you You place all your expectations of emotional return on your partner because it is unfair. Personally, I was someone who managed to go through a deconstruction and reevaluated what masculinity is for me, managing to get out of the redpill rabbit hole. Today I consider myself a straight cis man but I don't fit perfectly into the social construction of what the norm considers someone to be masculine since I was little. I've been in a stable relationship for about two years and a lot of what I've learned in this process is to have a non-romanticized understanding of what it's like to be in a relationship. I'm extremely grateful to my partner and friends for their patience and acceptance of my fears and insecurities, and to help me be a better person. Luiza se você estiver lendo isso te amo

[@joc-ky9km]

@ville__ 💀why are you reading his comment then youre definitely 8 yo

[@madnessarcade7447]

A lot of guys want fairy tale true love too

[@zk6019]

0:30 i just watched your "ending celebrity culture" video so this is a little lol 😅😂

[@tinysey]

Zendaya has posted about Palestine and has a history of going to protests and helping her community. I enjoy her work. Everyone needs to do their own research and decide who they want to support for themselves. The video is about stopping celebrity obsession and idolization, but I think some people believe it’s about a wide spread canceling of celebrities. Which it is not.

[@shaneilellis9832]

Softboys are nothing new it was an aesthetic back in early days of TikTok 2018 2019, it just a trend that returns.

[@spacebar9733]

We’re not talking about the aesthetic 💀 we’re talking about soft boys in relations.

[@shaneilellis9832]

@@spacebar9733 people were discussing relation back then too.

[@ellarose876]

great video, also youre so pretty!! ❤

[@VegaVibing]

I don't see Pete Davidson and Timothee Chalamet as the same type. Pete looks like he uses drugs more, Chalamet just looks like he secretly has a boyfriend.

[@adelb7897]

So a man cannot express himself a bit more on the feminine side without their sexuality questioned?

[@FlyingWonderGirl]

Ross is not the good boy. He didn’t communicate and he was an asshole and selfish sometimes.

[@frankfontaineofficial]

All hail the Softboi's

[@fantasticmaan]

I rarely comment in these spaces as a guy bcause of slander. Great video but remember a lot of this is all theory. We don’t need to work in extremes of bad boy vs soft boy. To be disagreeable is important as a man - I’m not saying be an asshole btw but some women want a softy only when it suits them

[@ellarose876]

thats true, i feel likes its just kinda personal preferences, but i still think that most people want to be with someone who is nice to them you know🥲

[@Maya_hee]

Why would someone want something that doesn't suit them? You are saying this as if its a bad thing. And lets not forget what women says suits them and what men say suits them have a core difference which sometimes boils down to moral even. No shit women want a softy because it suits them because women would actually want a man who is a healthy romantic partner, can express his emotions without becoming violent and horrible. Comparatively, when you ask a man what type of partner he wants and more often than not, they will describe a glorified slave or a dehumanized sex doll. The difference is staggering

[@fantasticmaan]

⁠@@Maya_heehey, I defo don’t want to come across as combative - maybe I can do better at getting my point across. What was making an effort to express is that the idea of “softeness” comes with two sides and the other side may not always be desirable. This is where our insecurity as men comes from. We are unsure if the other side of that softness is safe to be expressed without being of detriment to our desirability. Is that a bit clearer?

[@Maya_hee]

@@fantasticmaan Can you maybe elaborate on what the other side of the "softness" you may be talking about? I don't want to comment any response before I get to understand the full extent of what you are trying to express. And don't worry, you are not coming across as combative at all.

[@fantasticmaan]

@@Maya_hee love! 🫰the other side of this softness I’m referring is like shyness, nervousness, being non confrontational, or easily walked over. It’s really tricky to pin it down precisely without making softness seem a negative but everything has contrasting qualities yk? With “hardness” it could be insensitivity, denial etc. The main point I want to deliver is that softness is layered and in the context of this video the positive aspects are the highlight. To my original commitment about sfotness accepted only when it’s at women’s convenience is expressing that softness isn’t always going to look like a man who’s in touch with his emotions. Most of the ideas in the vid are based off media theory and TikTok afterall. The polarity of hard and soft just no so helpful. Hope this is a bit clearer?

[@MarcusZepeda]

Very fascinating video, I love history myself, especially the Victorian era. But from my research, not all men in the Victorian era were stoic. Yes, there were men who were like that, but there also the other half of men who weren't like that, and wasn't afraid to hid their emotions, and this was the time of when men were being in touch with their feminine-side, especially when it came to their clothing,

[@adelb7897]

I dont think that's all there is to being a 'soft boy'. Soft boys also need different things from women compared to the 'manly guys' so that might be a negative (I hope the positives outweigh them though). I'd say I'm more so on the soft boy side and in addition to being an emotionally expressive partner that doesn't shy away from showing my love and appreciation in romantic ways, I also need the same energy back so I can feel loved too. This means also being treated out to dates, receiving compliments, being taken care of and emotionally supported. It's a back and forth type of thing. I know there's many women out there that don't want to show their love in as much of a caring way for their man because they buy into the idea of 'men should be men' and shouldn't need compliments on their appearance, being treated out, given gifts or emotionally supported. This was actually what caused the resentment that brought me into the red pill movement because those guys like fresh and fit and Andrew tate would state that men must be a certain way to get women to like them. Those character traits are simply not me but I adopted them to try to became a real life 'bad boy actor' in a way. I did get girls but the relationships werent satisfying or didn't last long due to how resentful and misogynistic I was. It eventually made me jealous and upset at women that they can get the love and care that I want in a relationship much easily just due to their sex. Now I am trying to be true to myself which helped me let go of the resentment because I realised that there are some girls that like and know how to appreciate 'soft boys', either way, I realised that it is way better to be single than be with a girl that is incompatible from me or wants some guy to behave 'alpha'.

[@aquachoe1430]

I'm so down bad for a soft boy

[@caseyadams2627]

I think there's a balance here. Not to blanket statement, but I feel women like a man that's physically capable and competent... That can be a rock for her and the family. But also, able to embrace their emotions when warranted and openly love/take care of them. Just my 2¢. Been going through your videos. While I don't agree with everything you observe, I do agree with a lot of it. Keep it up!

[@painunending4610]

sounds like this woman should manage their expectations and learn to be ok being alone

[@1hinita]

What lipstick/lipgloss are you wearing? It looks super cute!

[@JWEATHERSBY]

I remember this old 90s movie called "Threesome" that had one of the Baldwin brothers in it. Based on the description given in the video (and the issues presented), I'm very curious how much this new Zendaya movie feels like a re-hash of that old film. Guess I'll have to watch it at some point later on to find out. (PS: As always - very solid video! Your thoughts are always what I imagine the conversations many of us have with ourselves in our heads are like.)

[@tinysey]

Yeah it’s worth a watch. It’s a Compelling film. Nice to see your comment 🌸

[@PatrickRoyale-zn2ec]

A soft boy means a healthy, emotionally understanding boy. It might seem as a lazy boy, a cowardy boy or just a toy boy, but that's not all they are. As one myself, I can confirm I'm very confident and I like myself a lot. I don't bully anyone, I wanna look good and I wanna help and support people. Did this open this category of boys up in a more positive way?

[@sukiyu.g]

1:20 why would she post thaat?/! Thats embarrassing..y’all getting too comfortable on tiktok and it shoowws how downbad y’all are 😭

[@cupcake-cx5ov]

Who knows

[@daltonbedore8396]

yea, i did not think that was a great clip. calling the guy "down bad" and "pathetic" and saying she literally NEEDS that energy? that's definitely not how you get that energy

[@1hinita]

Honestly it had me rolling😂😂😂💀⚰️

[@Caprico98]

Being able to live freely and express yourself in an emotionally intelligent way is the goal Calling men weak, soft, and pathetic is not gonna make us feel good about ourselves. Everybody has feelings and a lot of men repress their emotions because of our conditioning true but I don’t think being pathetic, simping (as in being a people pleaser to the degree that your a doormat), or allowing emotions to control our actions ( a lot of them “stoics” absolutely still do) is the answer. Life ain’t sweet. Nature is not nice. So yeah I feel like we should be hard about certain shit. But life’s also about balance and a recognition of how out of balance men have been for hundreds of years is also not wrong and should be brought to the forefront of the conversation. Ultimately listening to women and trying to be more emotionally available without being emotionally compromised should be the goal bc the world has hella villains and being on some soft shit is not gone take care of that imo 😭

[@myocoree]

i just want to point out that in challengers, patrick it is alluded to being bisexual or sexually fluid. in the scene where he’s swiping on women looking for a place to stay he swipes on a man as well. so even though he seen as a womanizer he likes to use his sexuality as a weapon (ie: getting a place to stay)

[@maef7026]

I'm afraid some men will take this and twist it just so they can be lazier in a relationship and force women to do more emotional and physical labor. "Don't tell me to do anything, I'll cry UwU. Now do all this emotional labor around me because I heard a sad song that made me cry so have to lie down for the rest of the day." Be careful because you might think you're dating a "soft boy" but it might turn out that he's actually a "king baby" that dumps all that mental load on the women in his life and wants you to do all the emotional labor because his feelings are more important than yours. He might occasionally make big gestures (so he can bring it up at a later date) or might act caring in public but that's just called "breadcrumbing".

[@MrLoudthought]

You're describing the reality of a soft boy......"Soft Boys" as a concept basically only exists in aesthetic/on film .......the reality of the eventuality of most soft boys, is Ezra Miller.........

[@janicefinch3563]

The reality of what many men have been dealing with for decades from women.

[@MementoVita]

Loved the video

[@dethyprlps9020]

First of all, Stoicism is not anti-feminist and does not allow for misogyny. Many Stoics have been ahead of their time in women's equality. Musonius Rufus argued that women should receive the same education as men. Epictetus said that women should be valued for their virtue, not their desirability as a wife. The simple truth: "Hard times create strong men, strong men create good times, good times create weak men, and weak men create hard times." - Michael Hopf “History is filled with the sound of silken slippers going downstairs and wooden shoes coming up.” - Voltaire You're not seeing a gradual progression of society, since the 1830's. This is cyclical throughout history, as seen in Egypt, Rome, Persia, the Eurasian Steppe, China, France in the late 18th Century, America in the 1920's and right now. We can see this with the current Princeton protesters hunger strike and their comical childish "needs" vs. the 1981 Irish hunger strike, where many died for their beliefs. This is the weakest generation in history and pseudo-progressive views only quicken the red-pill real misogynists, like Tate, to capture even more young men. One of the primary misconceptions linking Stoicism to toxic masculinity is the belief that Stoics advocate for emotional suppression. In reality, Stoicism promotes the idea of acknowledging emotions, understanding their causes, and responding to them rationally. You could learn a lot from women Stoics, like Sharon Lebell, Nancy Sherman, Kathryn Koromilas, Brittany Polat and Mary Wollstonecraft... as opposed to your Women's Studies professors.

[@Maya_hee]

And yet despite all this, still women barely had any equality at all. Say all you want about this generation and how weak it is but maybe only one or two generation before us has stood up so much for accountability and equality as compared to any other ones. The amount of misogyny that the previous generation got way with was nowhere nearly compensated for by your so called feminist stoics so I would take my women's studies professor over those "stoics" any day of the week. You think Tate is a real misogynist? Honey, he is not even the worst one, he barely scratches the surface of how ugly and disgusting misogyny can become. You wanna see some horrible misogynists, look at your grandfathers and their grandfathers etc etc. Stoicism did them a whole lot of good, didn't it?

[@painunending4610]

That 'hard times create soft men' stuff is laughable. I only ever see the weakest men spout it lol

[@SayGoCrazy]

As a man that is looking at this it is just not true in my opinion. A lot of women say that they want a soft man but if you look at the men that they actually deal with it is never the soft man that they say that they like. Just from my experiences. Or they will string that ‘soft man’ along to satisfy the attention they need while they also go deal with the ‘bad boy’ because the soft man tends to be boring to them. But that’s just typically what I see.

[@NoeMontie]

I think the sweet spot or balance. Will be the men be like the Henry Cavil, strong, smart and knows how to express himself. Warn on the express himself, not be a baby crying about everything, but be able to articulate what the things bother him in the relationship, and also be able to show what he likes, and you know. Be a good partner. But women if find I man like that don't think he will surrender to your emotional games or something else. You need to be emotional mature too. The first thing he will do it, on the first sign of imature emotional he'll walk away without look back. And make a correction Simping for the male audience is not when the man show interesting in to a woman and want to give her attention. Simping it's when a male give everything for a woman who DON"T WANT him. Is not something reciprocal, like one of you simping for man who don't want you too. Truth is the people lost the way of comunication, everything is extreme, I don't see how soft boys can help our society is a wild world out there. But also the RED PILL BOY never gonna do anything too. I think the world was hold by the average people, I truly believe man don't need all the time serious, but it's difficult when he tells something personal and the first thing his partner do is throw in his face on the first opportunity. This apply from both sides, because if you study psychology one day in your life, people like to have the attention of the person they're attract to with. Nobody likes a stranger looking at you lustfully, man and woman. So in the end we just need to be more open about this things. But sinces the brainroot books started to become famous like "10 Steps to Get something", "10 Rules to Rule." . People start to condess every person inside the box and make a formula to get anyone. In the end we just make us more lonely and divide then ever. Its sad.

[@Katy-sh3ru]

On this subject, I recommend looking up the video for 'Samaritans' by the band IDLES.

[@rhgps9763]

may i know the song title of your opening screen?

[@tinysey]

Yes, mark redito - desire

[@JohnJohnson-do3db]

I feel like a lot of the time the soft boy thing only works when a guy is extremely attractive. You can see that James Bond is attractive but closer to an average looking guy whereas Timothee chatamet is one of the most attractive guys. The difference between being a guy who’s a “simp” in the friend zone and being the soft boy husband or boyfriend in a lot of cases is the dude’s attractiveness. I think this is why a lot of guys are being seduced by the red pill people because they initially act like how the prince did from their Disney childhood movies, just being nice and respectful etc., but then struggle largely, but then the red pill tells them to be more like the “bad boy” and then a lot of those guys end up having more success with dating and then see a causal link instead of just a correlative one with them trying to act more like the “bad boy” and being more successful with dating.

[@tinysey]

The problem is, some guys are only nice just to get something in return. I agree that if you’re attractive you will have a higher success rate being a “soft boy”, but also a guy shouldn’t be a “soft boy” with the sole purpose of getting a girl. It’s about moving away for the harmful box men are put in. They have to want to do it for their own well being.

[@spacebar9733]

You forget we are talking about celebrities… these are all celebrities.

[@Maya_hee]

If you are a "soft boy" just to get laid and see friendships with women as the bane of your existence then you don't deserve to call yourself a soft boy and to be in a relationship.

[@painunending4610]

​@@tinysey it's moving away from a harmful box into a slightly less harmful box

[@painunending4610]

​@@spacebar9733 exactly, we don't even know celebrities. How do we know Chalamet is a soft boy? Does he call himself that? It's all parasocial

[@-divinetragedy]

all i want is my bf to be like my besties and as real with me as them lmfaoo

[@Definitelynotabot4]

Real.

[@dinkydoodle-h4d]

In end didnt Tashi still cheat on Art with Patrick

[@tinysey]

She did, which gave us a new type of female lead character. I wanted to talk about it, but it didn't really relate to how much the fans loved Art.

[@daltonbedore8396]

@@tinysey yes it absolutely does.

[@MrLoudthought]

Looking st your videos these are definitely done with s certain bend........ Women call men Simps, as well. And is moreso weaponized by women ...... I've never been afraid to be called a simp by my homeboys, or even strangers, thats not a thing LMAO...... Working in the club circuit, women are typically the ones calling someone s simp in everyday conversation lmao

[@anon5771]

What women’s say they want and what they actually want are two different things and what they don’t know that they want is also different entirely. Fellow guys out there do not fall for the soft boy meme.

[@bob2k375]

Virtue signalling

[@anon5771]

@@bob2k375 virtue signaling by definition lacks action and is hollow. I can assure you I practice what I preach, no signaling involved. Your reply is quite the non sequitur, I’m surprised it was highlighted.

[@fairygodmother139]

Ahhh yes a chad clown male sigma alpha male telling women what they want….very original

[@attroenergizer8115]

true!!! word up !!! only guys with no experience will say dumb stuff like those dweebs in comments

[@bossjihyo2276]

Shut up dude, I would give everything I have for a soft boy to be my one and only love 😭