The roles of gaslighting and narcissism in racism

[@kuunami]

It's easy to say, "get over it" when you know "it" won't happen to you.

[@kovenmaitreya7184]

@Adam Alexander I bet you're a racist and a narcissist and been lurking Dr. Ramani's videos for a while to get supply from the responses.

[@kovenmaitreya7184]

@Adam Alexander Also, it's a bad look to thumb up your own comments 😂

[@chrixthegreat]

But "It" does happen to me. This is where the disconnect is.

[@kovenmaitreya7184]

@Adam Alexander I hope you aren't projecting. Do you actually stalk people?

[@BooDotBoo]

Robert Bauer But it literally doesn’t. How many times have white people been fired over “unprofessional” hairstyles that is literally just their hair? How many white people get guns pulled on them because they’re in a park that one person decided they just don’t belong in? Have you seen a white person left, shot, out on the street, surrounded by cops for 12+ hours? Have you been denied a loan just for your skin color? Is your neighborhood classified as “dangerous” just because you live there? I highly doubt it. It’s ridiculous to say racism happens to everyone. Discrimination, sure, but not racism. Someone calling a white person a cracker or saying they can’t dance is nowhere even close to the racism people of color face. You don’t have the history behind it, nor do you have HARMFUL stereotypes attributed to you from a “joke”. Until you have to worry about the things PoC have to worry about in this country and all over the world, it’s pure ignorant to say racism affects everyone.

[@jalex5808]

"Insecure people are very dangerous." Thank you for this whole video Dr. Ramani!

[@dreaminbronze9189]

Very much so. I might be Black...but I'm not the one pulling out pepper spray in broad daylight.

[@livelife5947]

Finally someone discussing the racist narcissist & about time too. Well done Dr Ramani for having the courage to tackle this subject.

[@sumayzebecreating]

People talk about racism all the time on KZbin... Just gotta find it .... And it will most likely not be by non white KZbin.... Honestly it's mostly black and Asian(Indian) talking about the levels of discrimination

[@livelife5947]

Sumayyah Shannon This is the first time I’ve heard anyone especially a Dr call racists out for what they are which is narcissists. Their behavior is a clear indication of NPD.

[@livelife5947]

Adam Alexander People who have experienced racism understand the correlation.

[@mweusimrembo890]

@@livelife5947 he's a narcissist in all the comments looking for supply. He's so thirsty

[@plutooliver686]

@@mweusimrembo890 yep

[@Joshua-or6nl]

As a 29 year old black male who has had a eventful few weeks on this issue I want to say THANK YOU DR RAMANI!! You put all of this into perspective for me when it was all jumbled up my head. What has been hard to deal with is the “GASLIGHTING” when you see the world protesting only to still have people look me in the face as if what I and my fellow African Americans have been going through is not real.

[@AndroidSpirit]

We hear you. We see you. We stand with you. #blacklivesmatter #blacklivesarebeautiful

[@Beowulf975]

​@Adam Alexander Its a fantasy social tool created by the left, since people don't believe in witches anymore. The Spanish Inquisition used the same tactic, if you don't do as we say and agree with us, you are a witch! Here a is a reality test: I wonder why everyone is afraid of the so-called victims?

[@Beowulf975]

@@AndroidSpirit I believe all lives are beautiful and I stand with whole human race! I only see the content of someone;s character, sound familiar! Only hate groups make race an issue! Gaslight games much??? BPD much??

[@Beowulf975]

@Adam Alexander Im Jewish an I have never heard anyone say"Ohh don"t go into that neighborhood, its all Jewish"Maybe someone might try and sell you retail or double invoice you! HAHAHA!

[@Beowulf975]

@Adam Alexander We contribute to humanity, like cures for horrific diseases. Contributing to humanity makes your life matter, to other people!Jewish people are the last to cry poor me! Israel is the only democracy in the middle east! I wonder why the blm, does not support Israel? What did Jewish people do to them? Let me think, Jewish Lawyers , where the the first lawyers to support Dr. King in the Civil Rights Movement! Gratitude is not a season , with the 'Woke left and Protesters"

[@natashaevsimon1441]

Narcissistic abuse is attached and related to everything negative and destructive. Everything.

[@dharmadharma3960]

Yesss... they wanted us comfortable with narcissism in the family so we'd be comfortable with it in society.

[@deadislander]

Yes!!! Omg right??!!! I thought about this very thing last week, even made an Instagram story about it, and then here comes Dr Ramani and confirming those suspicions I had. And then this comment now even elaborating on it. What the heck man, it's so refreshing

[@natashaevsimon1441]

@@dharmadharma3960 Exactly. But it's not natural. So it just can't work.

[@natashaevsimon1441]

@@chriswyma145 Correct. True

[@alwayslevitated9089]

Yep...!! Name any given movie and the arch nemesis is typically riddled with Narc tendencies...!! Any given Movie..!! The "Joker, Mega Mind, Black Panther, "You Name the movie, It is pretty unavoidable...!! 🧐

[@kianarafiee]

As a woman growing up and living in Iran, I have always been victim to sexism- no need to mention racism exists in a very large scale in this country. I have been forced to comply with a systems that invalidates women. Marriage here ends all the rights one has over her body, career, children, etc. It seems that despite knowing this, people do not do much to change it. Men systematically support the current rules as they like the privileges they have. I could really relate to the analogy and understand the need to change the system that enables narcissists, racist and sexists.

[@martymaloney1032]

Kiana Rafiee Hugs I grew up with a misogynistic mother and at a time that a lot of men were sexist, it made me so angry when it happened. I can only imagine the constant micro aggressions POC put up with and that they are mad as hell about it.

[@stillirise4289]

@Adam Alexander ... Oppression is when a person or group in a position of power controls the less powerful in cruel and unfair ways. Adam based on your response I truly believe that you believe that any other nationality other than a w.a.s.p are not being oppressed. Now, you do make a point. I myself will not allow any human being to oppress me. I speak up and I speak out. Now many people are vocalizing their anger however they are also fed up with the treatment they are receiving. Now all of us have to choose to react or not react I myself choose to high when others have chosen to go down. I can end this by saying this.... until you walk a day in the life or a black, red, yellow, green person shoes you truly dont understand how racism has an impact on others. Regardless of what anyone says in response to your comments. My last point it this. If you or a family needed an organ to live one more day when you have been told unless you receive a new heart, kidney, lung etc. You are a loved one will die ..will you stand at their bedside and truly care what color of skin this organ donor has. Remember as human beings we including you dont have the ability to ask for the color of skin you or I desire. We are born for a purpose regardless of the skin color. The true issue here is the condition of the individuals heart ...

[@plutooliver686]

Much love to you for your strenth and for what you have endured💚

[@donnajoseph-barford1076]

I live in Texas and has dealt with sexism myself. Glad is getting better.

[@fannybindeki7686]

it Always has the same structure underlined - fragile ego. all power structures are fuiled by fragile egos.

[@cdkight1]

"If you want to stop a pattern, stop feeding it." Very wise words.

[@sherryannlett4105]

Starvation is the answers

[@-ucanthandledatruth01-12]

That means segregation (no contact)

[@AmandaMG6]

“The black sheep is often the only one who sees through other people’s BS.”

[@jaynespring1903]

@Adam Alexander Adam I don't think Dr R is pushing that whites are the villans. We automatically think racism is darker skinned toned folk being abused. I am a white Brit that suffered racism from a Basian boss many years ago. This is my personal view re my own country. What is happenning today has been orchestrated and fueled by our narc leaders. It is those leaders and their masters that we, what ever our skin tone may be, should be concentrating on to make a better world. The extremism in both the left and right is the problem. Vandalism, rioting and statue destroying isn't the answer. Our PM Borris Johnson could have nipped this in the bud so could of Mayor Khan, but neither did. Sounds a tad narsistic to me! Reminds me of my narc Mother engoying the chaos, violence and hate she has created. 🙂

[@narcissistwhisperer]

@Adam Alexander THAT is NOT the point!! Not all whites are narcissists, but all racists are. If you do not see that, then so be it. Live within your privilege & enjoy it.

[@antoinette9988]

@Adam Alexander history tells a very different story

[@ChrisStanley61]

@@antoinette9988 ha ha.. you don't know history, clearly.

[@antoinette9988]

@hesh 74 so obviously I have to spell it out for you.... I pointed to history to show that the systematic oppression has CONTINUED THROUGHOUT HISTORY to PRESENT times...... but of course you don't WANT to see it. Lol

[@youngreap1564]

I’m glad someone mentioned that racism and the idea of just get over it is a cycle of abuse and narcissim

[@goodgracious6364]

Narcissism and racism is an uncomfortable truth in our society that people typically will either defend or refute. Thank you Dr. Ramani for your courage to make connections to these troubling issues. Your analysis is very insightful!

[@saistrology]

"Uncomfortable" is an understatement.

[@321renew8]

“If you want to stop a pattern, stop feeding it” love this, don’t use your energy to change the narcissist change the system!

[@umchinagirard1800]

STOP INEQUITABLE FAMILY SYSTEMS STOP FAMILY SCAPEGOATING We need yes systemic Educational awareness campaign to help educate people how to recognise patterns of family scapegoating reduces prevalence of golden children repeat the hierarchical privileged structures and narcissistic family systems

[@nickbargas7352]

What a beautiful world this would be if people just became more self aware and learned to love one another.

[@vanyastaleva415]

well yeah, except for criminals

[@vanyastaleva415]

You all there in America must be crazy, rioting about a CRIMINAL who got accidentally killed because he was so violent the cops couldn't keep him down! Such a criminal who would kill your family members just to steal a couple of dollars out of them! After electing a huge narcissist for a president - Trump, that the second stupidest thing you ever did! God help you!

[@-ucanthandledatruth01-12]

@@vanyastaleva415 do you mean white collar criminals like Lockheed Martin?

[@homefryniles3983]

Dr. Ramani, I'm so glad you're integrating and not avoiding as many clinicians do the inevitable issues of society, power and structures are to be addressed and not just "transference" and neurosis and helping (harming) the "patient" to focus only on him or herself to adapt to a sick system. Footnote: most times I did not stand up to wrongdoing in employment situations was fear of administrative punishment/HR trouble and economic crisis. But I had to quit that job where I'd been honored (employee of the year two times) because the was harm going on and it really seemed unstoppable. Not until I quit was action taken. Sometimes a person has to sacrifice safety and livelihood. Thank you.

[@martymaloney1032]

Adam Alexander huh

[@plutooliver686]

@Adam Alexander Adam i genuinely feel sorry for you. Sorry you got victimized so much that you fight against others who have been victimized as well and abuse and gaslight them for not seeing your own wound.I feel sorry for you because you obviously dont respect your own self thus won't respect others which then leaves you judging others experiences as less to your own and leaves majority of your experiences ignored due to fighting for who is more victimized, so here you go Adam you are a victim and here i feel so sorry for you.This is what your looking for and here it is validation, yet i am sure you will then fight that you aren't a victim and proceed to ramble on about something else.Your fight is within yourself

[@lisamarie6214]

Adam Alexander people

[@ianmcshea913]

Dr. Ramani, this is so crazy, because literally yesterday I was googling "white supremacy as pathological narcissism", and was thinking to myself, "I should reach out to Dr. Ramani and ask her about her thoughts on racism and narcissism. Crazy... This is not the first time you have done this BTW, haha. Thank you for your insight.

[@michaelhall202]

Pathological Narcissism would fit any racist regardless of what colour the racist is.

[@ianmcshea913]

@@michaelhall202 okay, so what's your point?

[@ianmcshea913]

@@michaelhall202 it amazes me how, whenever someone talks about white supremacist racism, someone else will inevitably say something to the effect of "well what about other races of racists?" It's clearly deflection. If I was talking about other races of racists, then fine, but I specifically am talking about white supremacist racism, so therefore other types of racism are irrelevant to the conversation because that's simply not what I was talking about.

[@ianmcshea913]

@@truescotsman4103 white supremacy exists among Latinos too, it exists among all people where European colonization subjugated indigenous populations to violence, exploitation, and abuse. White people do view ourselves as superior to other races, and as a white person who has been around mostly white people my whole life and have heard what white people say about other races behind closed doors, I can promise you that most white people are racist. Whiteness itself is a racist supremacist ideology, and it always was, and always will be. I don't need to defend white people just because I'm white too. I defend things that are right.

[@ianmcshea913]

@@truescotsman4103 you believe that the civil war was a war to "save the whites?" Interesting.

[@ivan1793]

I like "Dr Ramani" but "Senator Ramani" sounded way too good after this video.

[@risenshine888]

Was thinking the exact same thing! And if every single leader had this mindset, we'd have a shot at world peace.

[@claritybadb]

Ohhhhh my goodness, would I repost that campaign ad in a heartbeat!

[@AngelAngela]

Lol 😂 @ senator....but frfr. @ this point PRESIDENT RAMANI ✊

[@sumayzebecreating]

Yes pleeeeaassssse!

[@Armz69]

Go, Senator Ramani!💓💓💓 🎉🎉🎉🎉

[@Depplova81]

I actually lost a job 3 yrs ago, because I wouldn't agree that racisim isn't still an issue. And this was at a place that's meant to help people in the community .

[@avlivinggolden]

Sorry too hear that. Do you have a better career now?

[@plutooliver686]

Thank you 💯 for your strength!

[@HappyLittleSoulProd]

The irony......def experienced racism at that point. Gaslighting.

[@Depplova81]

@@avlivinggolden Not really no, but still glad I'm not with that organisation. X

[@Depplova81]

@@plutooliver686 I don't know that it was strength, but I appreciate the kind words. Ta xx

[@wolfgangk1]

WOW. Dr. Ramani YOU ARE POWERFUL: Isn't it ironic how when you hit a nerve the gaslighting and the word salads kicks in--READ THE COMMENTS. (Thank you for your marvelous presentation. I had been considering writing an article on generational apathy and the role of gaslighting. But it always ends up only falling on the ears of the converted) Million Thanks

[@sessayu2502]

@Mali J Give one example then.

[@sessayu2502]

@Adam Alexander I'm a person color and I never have experienced any racism from White people.

[@sindiswamoolman5505]

She really is.

[@barbaraladams5304]

Adam Alex. I support you. I don’t know why so many people jumped in to judge you. It seems to me that you are genuinely curious. Please don’t be discouraged. 💕

[@ianmcshea913]

@Adam Alexander the fact that you are demanding that black and brown people prove to you that they experience racism in their lives is incredibly entitled. Nobody owes you an explanation, and if you are telling other people that they need to provide you one, then you better also provide them some money, because you're telling other people to do work for you that you could easily research for yourself. If anything, the burden of proving that black and brown people do NOT experience racism falls on you, not the other way around. You are the one invalidating other people's experiences and demanding that they provide you anecdotal evidence that, even were they do to that, you most likely would still discredit and further invalidate them. What you are doing is a trap, and is typical white narcissist behavior.

[@XYZ-ib4go]

To me narcissism appears to be one of the root causes maybe even THE root cause for what goes wrong in our society. Thank you so so much, Dr Ramani for all your efforts to spread the word. Your content helps to keep me sane 🙏🏻

[@mademoisellecm1]

I truly enjoyed this. Your counseling and wisdom is so needed especially in this time. I appreciate you.

[@elicejhawkins2750]

Im a unicorn, Dr. Ramani. Please dont ever stop making these videos. Im trying to get treatment to make permanent changes. Seeing this in myself, finally, for real, almost killed me. Midlife crisis at fifty and a two week stay in a psych ward for a very serious attempt on my own life. The narc in me was furious when I survived and woke up. It hurts like hell, every time I encounter someone I hurt but I dont avoid or hide from it anymore. People who know me, are seeing the changes and responding positively. It continues to encourage me to do the harder thing by being nicer, even if id rather be a jerk. Thank you. Im the only child of two very toxic narcs. Im working on being better than that.

[@acedcoffee6934]

Wow, it is really cool you recognize things and don't close your eyes at it. I appreciate your honesty and will to change. Keep up!

[@barbaraladams5304]

Hooray for you, Lisa. If you keep it up, you will eventually break thru to where you will be much happier than you ever were when you were being a jerk. You go, girl!

[@xtina-ah]

Good on you! ❤️

[@Lisaann8699]

You are courageous! I admire you for doing the work!

[@trollbbqer1267]

Bravo to you for striving towards a happier existance! I pray mine will be a Unicorn too eventually. Much Success to you in your journey.❤

[@AmirAli-sd9do]

I could not agree more! Having dealt with “my” narcissist and come out on the other side, ive recognized how intensely pervasive and deep rooted narcissm is systematically/socially, and the key to eliminating racism (which to me is just a different manifestation of narcissm) is in deciding to focus on and lend your energy to the type of relationships/world you want. Loved this video!

[@leftistnomore7413]

That's great Amir. What do you think about the narcissism inherent in some Islamist communities around the world? I hope you are working to expose that as well.

[@AmirAli-sd9do]

Leftist No more / Well I am not muslim , so I wouldnt be able to speak on it. I am curious as to why u chose to focus on narcissism within islamic communities under my reply though.

[@AmirAli-sd9do]

Adam Alexander / Your question is a bit off to me. Racism is a systemic form of oppression where power is exploited from people on the basis of race. Its not exactly that one “race” is systematically racists, since we all inhabit the sphere. But one “race” will serve to unanimously benefit from this system given that they claim the power on the basis of their “racial” superiority. Historically and even currently that would be white people who benefit, but i want to emphasize that racism is a sphere that we all inhabit, that is detrimental to us all (albeit to varying degrees, but a detriment is a detriment no matter how small)

[@AmirAli-sd9do]

Adam Alexander I knew this was coming. It seems your initial question was really just a setup to get an answer out of me (that you knew was coming) in order to refute it and vindicate your own beliefs. Current events to me would be enough proof, but you should not need anyone to prove it to you. We (yes you included) live in it, and any unbiased view at history and reality would make this painfully clear to you. All im going to say now is, step out of your ‘reality overlay’ and actually try to understand the opposing perspective , On Your Own. You should not need a 21 year old to explain this to you right now or anyone.

[@leftistnomore7413]

@@AmirAli-sd9do I asked you the question regarding Muslim cultural narcissism because your name is Muslim. I guess you have left Islam or never were a believer but your family of origin or ancestors are/were Muslim.

[@aliciacostales9770]

Outstanding content dear Doctor Ramani. Clever, wise,, empathic, powerful understandings, realistic though sensible posture , impressive multysytemic appreciation of the roots, the intergenerational seeds of our greatest sufferings nowadays. Thanks from my heart.

[@pamelaeldreth1862]

I never realized the commonalities between racism and narcissism. Thanks for this timely message.

[@hypnotqgreen]

I am so glad you pointed out how narcissism plays a huge role in racism. I’ve survived my personal trauma from narcissistic abuse from your videos. Thank you for your great work and the immeasurable value you provide to us.

[@johnrogan9819]

I'm glad you finally did this video I made this connection years ago that racism it a psychological issue

[@umchinagirard1800]

Yes the family tree is toxic That one wrong bad apple Is the scapegoat The abused group The narcissistic gaslighting is all

[@Lindsay-Makes-Videos]

Dr. Ramani this is probably the most important and powerful video you have ever released. Everyone watching this, I hope you shared it. I put it on my Facebook, tagged people, and private messaged it to about 10 people.

[@sonyaallen6665]

Wow!! I have never commented on your video's before, but I felt compelled to comment on this one. I fully agree that systems, whether Family, Law Enforcement, Political or Education are the reasons why narcissistic, racist or sexist behavior is allowed to grow and multiply. Getting rid of a bad Teacher, Preacher, Police Officer or Parent is NOT enough to change narcissistic systems that the oppressor is using to thrive. Everyone who witnesses abuse of power, needs to speak up the first time that abuse of power happens. I believe that many people are looking for a leader to show them how to change, the system that they have accepted for years. But, we cannot wait for a leader, we have to have the courage to change individually.

[@umchinagirard1800]

We need yes systemic Educational awareness campaign to help educate people how to recognise patterns of family scapegoating reduces prevalence of golden children repeat the hierarchical privileged structures and narcissistic family systems

[@donnajoseph-barford1076]

100%

[@leagarner3675]

Gaslighting! I awoke this morning to coverage in the media of several White House officials stating that they believe that there is no systemic racism in the U.S. "Well, who ya gonna believe, me or your own eyes?" Because of Dr Ramani I have recently learned to identify the patterns of control and abuse by those who have a fragile and unjust power over others. I am thankful that Dr Ramani posted this video early this morning; I needed the refresher of good mental health. It's empowering.

[@Beowulf975]

@Adam Alexander Notice how Les Garner, will never come up with an actual factual answer! Gaslighting is the tool of the Narc and the "Woke Left"

[@healthychick9450]

@anon2k10 truth!! Its embarrassing not knowing if i was hired to fill a quota or because i was qualified. I want to be judged by my skills and character.

[@healthychick9450]

@Adam Alexander you will never get an answer. The system is unfair to us the citizens and skewed heavily in favor of corporations. If we want to zoom in though, the only thing holding you back from success in life ..is YOU. In order to understand this you must have personal responsibility and accountability. Victim mindset is that of a narcissist. Its always someone elses fault that you didn't get what you think you deserve.

[@EGV88]

This is why we need to end systemic oppression/marginalisation ASAP. It breeds this kind of behavior!!

[@Beowulf975]

I think.you have that completely backwards.

[@Maya_Naija]

Gaslighting sounds like: “You’re too sensitive” OR “You’re being disrespectful”

[@spectreluna]

Or dismissing someone's genuine grievances by calling it "white fragility"

[@darrellm9915]

@@spectreluna Nailed it.

[@-ucanthandledatruth01-12]

@@spectreluna most white people do not have a grievance with racism/w.supremacy. And are in fact fragile to truthful information about it

[@doll.ov.poetrii4682]

​@@-ucanthandledatruth01-12 They don't like the truth.

[@-ucanthandledatruth01-12]

@@doll.ov.poetrii4682 They hate the truth and those who carry it. They depend on our mental weakness but also depend on our physical strengths. We are STILL "field hands" to them.

[@susanjohnston4066]

Such a brilliant message so clearly and passionately delivered. In an ideal world, Dr. Ramani would be President! Thank you for the clarity you bring to our lives!

[@supergreengirl5721]

Dr Ramani for President!! You’ve got my vote!!

[@avlivinggolden]

Yes!! Please God!!!! Or Secretary of State or Health. Please !!!!!!!!!!

[@soul2deep578]

I’m glad you made this video. I’ve been down for quite some time. I’ve dropped a lot of friends and have distanced myself from a lot of my family. I’m mixed race and grew up with the white side of my family. I have seen and experienced racism many of times and many of times it has been dismissed by friends and family. I use to stay quite because the few people of color in the area spoke up most of the white people in my area lost they crap on them and told them they weren’t being racist. Over the years listening and dealing with it I’ve started to speak up. It’s turned so many friends and family against me. I knew it would, but it’s still hurtful to see the people around you who are suppose to love you and be there for you dismiss your pain and struggle you go through. One of my family members is a cop and he’s very racist. He’s the golden family member. He can never do wrong and is very narcissistic. He has said racist things to me and one time even in front of my grandma and she turned away and pretended she didn’t hear it. That hurt so bad. My family will get upset when cops are done wrong because my uncle is a cop and they talk bad about back people. When I speak up about getting discriminated against they talk over me or ignore me or try to shush me. I don’t go around them much anymore and it angers them. I hear occasionally that they talk about me behind my back because I don’t come around, but why would they think I would want to come around that. It’s taken a toll on my mental health and with all that’s going on in this country with race at the moment it would be nice to have the support of my friends and family. I guess can’t expect that living out here in rural Missouri. Btw thank you so much for the information you share. You are helping a lot of people including me. I appreciate you !!!!

[@soul2deep578]

@Michelangelo that’s horrible!!!!!! I’m so sorry you go through that. I feel you! Sending good vibes and much love your way. 😞

[@dreaminbronze9189]

Wow. Dr. Ramani REALLY CAME THROUGH on this topic!! I've been dealing with a lotttt of gaslighting from members of the " insecure racial majority". Their lack of self-awarenss of how they feel so free to invalidate the experiences of others ..or even audaciously explain others realities to them is mind boggling.

[@irenegduran81]

"My mom was in a car accident when she was young, she has brain damage. Just ignore her" sad part is I believed the excuse for so many years... until I said no more. I don't dare. In no ones punching bag. Period.

[@ZestyAqua]

We all believe that gaslighting. kzbin.info/aero/PL7gVhPMGKsTYXX7laqXSdYWLixc8aLjqz Littleshaman is great too. My Mom was in a car accident too. Hit her head badly. Still no excuse for abuse nor should you have to take it. They feed on guilt. All my love as you recover.

[@jennyp4934]

Obviously enough brain function to get married and have children. She using that accident as an excuse.

[@davidhinkson8856]

I've heard that kind of BS before, e.g. difficult childhood, grew up without a father, had a difficult pregnancy...so have many others but they don't use that as an excuse to be nasty to everyone who doesn't fit their pattern of perfection!

[@triciakeith6228]

Dr. Ramani, This is your BEST video yet! You inspire me - thank you for all of your posts!

[@kellyw6652]

What a powerful message! The sad truth of our reality, but we do have the ability to change it with this guidance. Your video should be sent to all levels of politics, not only in the US, but around the world. Your insight never ceases to amaze - thank you.

[@micheleogilvie9764]

Dr. R.! This is your best most timely video yet. Your teachings are so insightful and relevant. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and your passion for helping people and society.

[@caireengraham]

The constant battle between good (healthy, non narcissistic) and evil (narcissistic). So incredibly necessary if possible to keep narcissism percentages (positive parenting) down. Children really are our future. We need to raise our children for the long term effect. Thank you so much Dr Ramani.

[@marciasquier6036]

I ran for office myself! 2016 & 2018. It was very empowering becoming a leader in my own right rather than relying on narcissistic leaders

[@discordaccount9237]

Thank you for your truth. Thank you for taking a stand. You are the type of woman who makes a change every day. Respect. 🙏 Have a blessed day.

[@wittymystic7361]

Why aren't we seeing you on the evening news, Dr. Ramani? You make so much sense. Dismantling a system that allows the wealthiest 1 percent of the world's population to own more than half of the world's wealth might not be a bad place to start.

[@bobby7844]

Because the media is completely controlled by the rich. It's a joke.

[@sw1564]

I am a biracial woman (black father/white mother), and my heritage comes from almost every continent in the world. My narcissistic ex husband is white, knew my family lineage, and would go out of his way to make fun of people from other countries and races in front of me, including calling them derogatory names. Narcissists will stop at nothing to hurt you during the devaluation stage of their sick sadistic abuse, and in my opinion, are pure evil.

[@deshundillard1337]

your black sister nobody is mixed biologically and spiritually

[@deshundillard1337]

@@sw1564 i tried to be respectful but telling me what i said made no sense, the concept of race today is a social construct.. it isn't real. Your father is a black man. thats what you are. you can't be 2 things at once.. simply all im saying

[@deshundillard1337]

@@sw1564 if you want to call it biracial by any means thats your right but just wanted to enlighten you, my wife mom side is also wyte and they do nothing but gaslight her and her mother is very narcissistic

[@deshundillard1337]

@@sw1564 its a social construct ma'am

[@deshundillard1337]

@@sw1564 u can be 2 things at once, aren't you a individual ? that means to not be divided .. how are you white and black?

[@monij6642]

Thank you so much for this. If people only knew the amount of trauma we endure and still push through. Thank you for giving these feelings a voice and validation.

[@overkill2006]

The world needs to see this video.Thank you so much Dr. Ramani.

[@Brick_Squared]

I no longer "argue" with strangers online; especially those whom I consider my open enemy. But just seeing and thinking about the gaslighting intentional or otherwise can literally put me in a state of great stress. I am so happy to have found this video that buttresses the validity of my thought process.

[@proudatheist2042]

Who do you consider your "open enemy?"

[@Brick_Squared]

​@@proudatheist2042 anyone who seeks to try to diminish my very humanity.

[@Erik7prc]

Stand firm on your boundaries at all cost 😐 N O C O N T A C T ‼

[@natashaevsimon1441]

💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯

[@Erik7prc]

@@natashaevsimon1441 ❤

[@bertzerker747]

ET phone home...

[@kovenmaitreya7184]

@Adam Alexander "Detached from an outcome" Right.

[@purpleflows5680]

You are about to see some intense narcissistic push back, anxiety, and anger on your thread... good on you for speaking up on such a divisive issue in such an eloquent and conscious way. It seems many can relate to your message on a personal level but become defensive and blind understanding this dynamic in terms of other people’s experience and systemic issues, systemic issues which has its roots in the foundations of society, the family unit. This thread has already become a case study for the lack of empathy and self-protection of fragile ego structures that you spoke of. So interesting... Shared this in several spaces. Thank you for putting this dynamic that so many have felt and experienced for so long into words🙏🏾🌹

[@wendybarker5118]

"You're too sensitive" " I was just joking."

[@dianatrejo2006]

Stephanie Ruiz.🙄 With her insecure ass.

[@dianatrejo2006]

And my brother invalidating a point.(sighs)

[@JefferyGarrett-o9n]

I had to approach this issue with my spouse by find clear articles on "negging and insulting jokes" have the articles to speak on "if you have to say after a joke, I was just kidding it is damaging"

[@annmariekeim7692]

Dear dr ramini,thank you for this wonderful video! I agree with you 100%. It so much describes the battle the country is undergoing now with black lives matter. I know we can't change malignant narcissists but by making things more transparent and getting empathetic people more active, i am cautiously optimistic that we will succeed.I felt so good about the worldwide peace protests this past weekend.This was a huge step in the right direction.

[@jenniferanand3306]

Thank you, you are doing God's work :)

[@jasminecoco3977]

Doctor you are phenomenal. I'm speechless. you've put words for all my feelings and pain. DR Ramani for president!

[@NoName-rw5hj]

I was waiting for someone to make the connection between the three 🥰 thankyou Dr Ramani

[@annetteprice]

Thank you Dr. Ramani. Your point about the parallels between narcissism and a racism was eye opening.

[@lasphynge8001]

Narcissists tend to have a fixed mindset, as opposed to growth mindset, they like the idea that an individual's characteristics, qualities and skills are innate and inherent, rather than acquired and changeable through experience and work. And racism is pretty much a fixed mindset in essence, claiming some individuals are inherently better or worse than others, and based on recognizable superficial traits. What is there not to love for a narcissist who likes to feel inherently better than others, to objectify and categorize people? Of course they're gonna be racist... :-(

[@blackpanter9572]

I am so glad you made a narcissism video NOT related to boyfriend/girlfriend relationship as many KZbinrs who talk about this topic do. I would like narcissism focused on the world place. Thank you Dr. Racism/narcissism lost me my upward mobility job. My dream job that would have moved me up the economic ladder. I worked hard to get there. It broke me. You are exactly right about systems. Exactly.

[@rvnsglcr7861]

I am a citizen of the United States, military retiree, and parent of bright, well-adjusted children. Additionally, my income is considerably more per year than most Americans due to the viability of my skill set (computer science). I have also been made painfully aware, on multiple occasions, some while in the presence of my then quite young children, that none of those positives means enough to save my life or keep me from deep danger of losing my legal freedom. The way I dress didn't matter. My vernacular didn't matter. And the only reason it didn't was because of my race. My white male friends have, in key moments, been my biggest safety measure and yes, their being male is an indespensible factor if I'm to maximum the chance of a positive outcome. The way this has affected my life and my psychological health at times isn't something I enjoy reminding myself of. What you've stated here, especially the nuances you refused to avoid, means more to me and some of my friends than you might know. I hope this comment helps to remedy that in any way. Thank you.

[@martymaloney1032]

Hugs

[@lionsskyblue442]

You are a black man in a white man’s country, of course he wants to remind you of that.

[@Justice55339h]

Stats show more white people get killed by the police annually, and the almost all incidents of people getting killed by the police, the victim was seriously trying to attacking the officer, even if it was not with a weapon

[@proudatheist2042]

Thank you for your service to The United States of America.

[@proudatheist2042]

​@@lionsskyblue442well, no one is stopping anyone from leaving. It's fun t how people moan about "living in America/Canada/Australia/Europe," yet no one in any real statically valid numbers immigrate to Africa. It's as if white majority countries tend to be better places to live and work in the modern world.

[@sudanwife7438]

There was nothing left out. Thank you Dr. Ramani..."how comely are those bearing the truth" we are blessed because of you. May the Goddess bless you forever...🕊️

[@charijones9899]

Thank you for sharing this message. I've been saying this for a long time. I believe there is a such thing as cultural Narcissism. It sounds like you were talking about it in this video.

[@rwdchannel2901]

There's a good KZbin channel called Societal Narcissism.

[@Chuleta_9]

PREACH! Responsibility does not fall on just a few of us. EVERYONE has a responsibility to step up and do something for positive impact.

[@abluemuse]

Dr. Ramani, You are a life preserver in the current sea of humanity 🌎🕊️🌌💜🤟 My Sincere thankS. 🕶️💞😎

[@monicab377]

Dr. Ramani you excelled in this video! Amazing clarity of heart and mind. Wonderful ideas put into words. You are special and this video shows that very clear. I agree that Senator Ramani sounds really good!!!! Lots of love.

[@rubberbiscuit99]

I am relieved to see you talk about this. Narcissism is at the center of all the isms that destroy community.

[@anak5183]

Yes, you are right! As the oldest child with 2 narc parents, I was the stick in their wheels many times. This actually changed the family dynamics even though we are still struggling as adults, we could have ended up in a much worse situation.

[@kelseymfoster]

Can you talk about why so many narcs get involved in social justice issues like race, but yet treat people in their daily lives terribly??

[@jmhernandez24]

Have you ever researched communal narcissism? If not, Dr. Ramani does talk about it in some of her videos. Maybe it will address what you’re asking about.

[@SG-wx8zm]

Yesss!! Great question and I often wondered this. They will be the big SJW in public, but a truly horrible person behind closed doors and to those closest to them.

[@SG-wx8zm]

On the flip side, you get people who find sexism, racism, transgenderism, and homophobia in literally every interaction, which could also be seen as a form of narcissism.

[@Justice55339h]

​@@SG-wx8zmit absolutely is narcissism. Those are the only people who perpetually see themselves as an oppressed victim in a hyperbolic/dramatic way, deflect/deny any and all accountability, project all the perpetration onto the victim, while they themselves are the one perpetrating

[@sharonhalter-day8345]

Dr. Ramani. Thank you so much for such a wonderful presentation that connects the parallels between narcissism and racism. You eloquently illustrated how we can use our understanding of the methods that work with narcissism and connected this information to possibilities that can address changes that are desperately needed to address racism. Your relevant and well thought out methods of change can open up conversations that can allow for planning and creating ways to address this systemic problem. In my doctoral program in Marriage and Family Therapy, one of the primary areas of focus is to look at the problem with a systemic lens, so listening to your presentation that offers ideas to address racism through systemic change solidifies the importance of this perspective. Thank you, again, for this relevant presentation during such a timely moment in our history.

[@LynnT6904]

Thank you Dr Ramani! 💜💜 This was soooo WELL SAID! It is by far The best analogy that I have ever heard about this 400 year old wound that we keep putting a bandaid over! We all must do our part to take a stand against narcissism, racism, and all the isms! 💜

[@jay-s9y1c]

Seriously Dr Ramani, you hit this one out of the park. So on point. Gaslighting is everywhere.

[@dharmadharma3960]

We as a society are being gaslit!

[@lisamarie6214]

I feel validated by this talk and all her good followers

[@DreamingOfAK]

Thank you, Dr. Ramani. This is something that my heart has been needing to hear my entire life. Thank you for addressing the tools of racism in such a clear and compelling way.

[@RoseThePhoenix]

Politicians gaslight all of us, too.

[@ladybluelotus]

Facts! 💯

[@KCNwokoye]

Such wise words. God bless you Dr. Ramani

[@katekouri254]

Agree with you my favorite Dr. Dr Ramani thank you for all you do!!💞💞🙏🏽🙏🏽

[@stevenmorgan7864]

Thank Dr. Durvasula for all of your videos on narcissism. They have been very helpful. All of your videos are excellent

[@BibliOphelia]

Thank you! I’ve been discussing this parallel so much lately.

[@luma295]

Complete and wisely structured proposal for a better world in just 18:38 minutes ! Absolutely moving video ! Congratulations ! Bravo !

[@gloriabrown9078]

Thanks for clearly elaborating on the parallels you discussed in this video. ❤️❤️❤️

[@salioutraore1088]

Dr. Ramani we agree with you. I am speechless never heard such a powerful analogy between racism and narcissism. This is really powerful

[@abcdfree4910]

I’m black and I worked as a caregiver for an elderly white woman. She was nice at first, but soon became more and more racist and demanding. I tried to express concerns to the company I worked for, the lady said she planned on giving me a harsher (basically even more racist) client, so I stuck with her. My last day there involved very racist comments made to me by the client and her daughter. I was so distraught I cried to the company. The company made me feel like it was my fault and I’m too sensitive. For a while I felt guilty for quitting. It hurts when you start to truly care for someone, only to be blatantly mistreated. These past few weeks made me feel like quitting was indeed best for me.

[@proudatheist2042]

I am deeply sorry that you had to endure that. You didn't deserve that.

[@melissacornett7206]

Thank you, Dr. Ramani. You summarized it beautifully.

[@sharianderson4006]

Wonderful insights, Dr. Ramani. Thank you so much.

[@KamilahHarris]

I've been sharing this everywhere that I possibly can because people need to watch it. I've been in so many discussions where I have experienced racism firsthand in my face online. Offline, I have experienced intra-racism on the job. All that I could think about is what I have learned from you, the articles, and scientific studies that I have read as well as others on KZbin. Narcissism is and has always been norm through everything and racism is no exception. In my learning journey, I have discovered how much throughout my life as a black girl that is now a black woman that I have been narcissistically abused not only in my family dynamic and cultural community but also outside of that both on and offline. It's been sobering. I did go through the hurt and wounded phase for a while where I definitely wished that I knew before what I know now but have come to an acceptance point of understanding that I went through what I did in order to learn what I have. Being black on this planet is harder than anyone imagines. I empathize with brown and indigenous people who have also known what it is like to go through similar narcissistic abuse based on race, ethnicity, heritage, and nationality throughout time. It is going to take systemic change especially in the white community and global collective in order for there to even be a fighting chance of abolishing racism in our lifetimes. Like you, Dr. Ramani, I do hope that it will ultimately happen because anything is possible. It is only not if the status quo is chosen and I, for one, am tired of deaths like George Floyd and Breonna Taylor among others happening. As a black human being, I just want a better and greater world for all. Thank you for this video.

[@TheShivaspirit]

Well said,...... and what a beautiful name you have...a name to create change.

[@LearnLoveHeal]

If I could ‘like’ this video 100 times, I would! Thank you thank you thank you Dr. Ramani! Since finding you and your videos, I have healed on so many levels, starting with childhood. This video absolutely needs to be heard by EVERYONE. Thank you again and so much love to you!

[@tatianabenitez2520]

Gaslighting also is people saying “maybe they weren’t trying to say it like that ...” or “maybe it’s just them as a person and isn’t a race/color issue” or “I think ______ is just like that as a person “ invalidating racist behavior .

[@tatianabenitez2520]

Or “I’ve worked there and never experienced anything like that “ or “that person was always so sweet and nice to me”

[@Danielle-bj6bw]

Dr Ramani, I'd vote for you any day of the week.

[@donnajoseph-barford1076]

I grew up with the golden rules. One of them is treat others as you want to be treated. These golden rules were thrown out in the 90's. One more thing is look to a person's character not color.

[@LindaMcification]

You are shedding so much light on this malignant issue. Thank you...I have learned so much from you...Wisdom at its best...

[@ezekielsparadise4633]

Their government/people tore down our successful communities and kingdoms (in africa) and now tell us to fix it ourselves. The audacity.

[@Chief-et6xk]

Exactly it's how they trick everyone into the pull yourself up by the boot straps

[@Sckvictor]

Listening to Dr. Ramani is so enlightening. Truly appreciate this topic. I often say the same; Narcissism and Racism have so much in common that it cannot be denied.

[@arianaslair5646]

Every single syllable of every sentence of your video is music to my heart...I thank you and am deeply grateful for your endeavors. Peace. ❤

[@josephperry832]

Wow! Fantastic video, Dr. Ramani. The link between racism and narcissism and their underlying roots is really insightful. You said that we should focus on changing the systems that allow narcissism rather than focusing on changing the individuals, because they likely will not change. I think that is a really important key in moving forward in changing society for the good. Thank you, Dr. Ramani!

[@someonerandom256]

All the narcs I know are racist too. Sometimes they pretend not to be when people are looking though.

[@valeriachambers1373]

Wow! Incredibly powerful talk about 2 things I always knew were related but just couldn't put my finger on the right solution to address it. Dr. Ramani, you speak with such clarity & are able to break it down for people so perfectly. Thank you so much!

[@kyliesarin1437]

Bravo!!!!! This was awesome and I’m so proud of you!!! Love you more and more👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@insanelymundaneproductions7169]

lick your wounds, find your groove, don't pay mind to lies and abuse. you're good enough my mantra I just came up with. Thanks for your work. You know how important this subject is.

[@know973]

Pretending it doesn't exist...the greatest trick the devil ever pulled....Racism in America is alive and thriving...and it is a tremendously hard thing to deal with as a black woman in this country...

[@proudatheist2042]

The devil doesn't exist. God doesn't exist. The Bible explicitly allows for slavery. The Bible never bothers to tell people to not own slaves or to state why slavery is wrong. It's interesting to me to see black people believe in the Christian deity and the devil when the Bible was utilized as moral justification for keeping their ancestors in bondage.

[@martymaloney1032]

Thank you for being here and for explaining that so clearly Dr. Ramani.

[@valeriemichelle07]

GOD BLESS YOU, DR. RAMANI!!!! It is freeing to hear someone OUTSIDE of my ethnic group actually saying this OUT LOUD...

[@meganclarke3599]

This is an amazing, educational, and informative video that should be broadly shared. As a clinical social worker, I have often counseled people about gaslighting and narcissistic abuse and can certainly recognize many of the same traits/characteristics when a comparison is drawn to systemic racism and oppression. I recently listened to a podcast (The Trauma Therapist by Guy Macpherson Episode 459) where April Harter, a racism and trauma educator, drew the SAME comparison. This issue MUST continue to be more widely discussed, especially by those with the clinical expertise to provide sound education and guidance. Thank you for this video, Dr Ramani!! I always appreciate your videos and often share them with my clients.

[@positivelyrogue7093]

I love this! You took the words out of my head! I'm so grateful for your channel. This is exactly the kind of awareness I try to spread to people. We cannot be silent anymore and we need to keep speaking the truth and sharing our stories and making people accountable for their actions and the language of racism. I think of the effects this has on our children as well and that's where it started. I'm learning how to let go of the frustrations on trying to make the covert narcissist see her ways to working on herself. And I've realized they never will. I can only do what I can on my end and in setting healthy boundaries for myself. I agree that there behaviors are the same behaviors as racists. There is no difference.