The Secret to Why You’re Unhappy & The ONE Thing You Can Do About It | The Mel Robbins Podcast

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I was lying in bed one morning, and all of a sudden it hit me…
If I ever want to be truly #happy, I have to stop doing THIS.
So do you.
What is this thing we need to stop doing?
I call it the “Campaign of Misery.”
In the background of your mind, there’s a campaign of misery running on a loop. And until you stop it, you will never experience the #happiness, joy and contentment you deserve.
I promise you - it is there. In the background - talking to you all the time.
This is the missing piece to true happiness.
When you remove the campaign of #misery, you create room for joy.
I recorded this episode the same morning I had this profound insight. What you're about to hear is a conversation with me and two friends and colleagues, Amy and Jessie. Pull up a seat at the kitchen table; I want you to hear me unpacking this breakthrough about happiness in real time.
My two friends saw their “campaign of misery” immediately and started describing in detail the ridiculous ways they torture themselves. You’ll laugh, you’ll nod along, and you might even cry a little. We sure did.
Because when you realize how much you rob yourself of the happiness you deserve, it is sad.
I always say, this isn’t just a listening podcast, it’s a doing podcast. So by the end, there’s something specific I will be asking you to do with us while you listen.
In three simple steps, you will join us as we put down the sword, grab a book of matches, and pick up the pen to write new default programming into our minds.
Don’t worry, I’ll explain why you need matches near the end of the episode.
And you’ll be so happy that I did.
You have the power to change the way you think and the way you talk to yourself. You have the power to stop seeing all the reasons your life is hard and teach yourself to see how this could be easier.
Yes, you can be happy.
You can be content.
But first, you have to stop making yourself miserable. Let’s support one another on this.
If we fight this battle for happiness together, side-by-side, I am certain we will win.
Xo Mel
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- What happens when you get caught up in your stories
- My profound breakthrough around the importance of mindfulness
- How to start celebrating yourself right now, no matter your mindset
- The 3 incredibly powerful mindset #hacks I did with my friends and colleagues, Amy & Jessie
Timecodes:
00:00 Intro
02:20 Complaining is robbing me of happiness, how I had this realization
09:48 I have been putting up my sword, self-sabotaging and speaking the campaign of misery
15:42 We all have 2 languages: the one we speak and the one we feel
17:15 What my campaign of misery is - the campaign of misery looks for what's wrong and argues against happiness
21:05 How am I going to put down the sword…
24:04 How parental figures/upbringing impact how you talk to yourself
27:34 Step #1: Knowing you encourage the campaign of misery is a huge breakthrough
31:32 Step #2: The journal prompt that will change your life
32:40 How we make our life so hard, and how can we make it easy
43:36 What did this journal prompt bring up for Jessie and I
49:02 Stop gripping, just love, feel that happiness again
52:19 Burning our journal entries - watch those negative emotions drift away
Listen to the #podcast episode "You’ll Never Be Truly Happy Until You Start Doing This" - link.chtbl.com/DAinFkFf?sid=e...
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[@melrobbins]

I hope you feel better equipped to confront self sabotage after watching today’s episode. If so, make sure to hit that like button. It would mean so much! ♥

[@mariafranchina2712]

Thanks Mel ❤ you make a positive difference in my life everyday… it really does take a village and I’m so grateful that mine includes you in it..Best to you and yours❤

[@CloMcMack]

I listened and thought, "how is this possible?" Mel, you taught me to stop negative thought patterns. This was my first thanksgiving in a new home (new town far from where I was--just like you). First time having a son come home from college. It was just me and my two boys this year. The turkey was dry, the stuffing wasn't my best work, and I thought they liked apple pie but, didn't. Honestly, it was the nicest Thanksgiving I ever had. EVER. I've hated Thanksgiving my whole life. But, this year I 5, 4, 3, 2, 1'd myself into a state of peace. No stress. Yoga pants all day. At one point, my college son was very upset, and I felt a crisis coming on. I quietly asked, "do you want me to suggest advice, or do you want me to listen?" He said advice and I told him about you and the 5 second rule. As I listened to your podcast, I had different thoughts going on, "let's stop blaming mom and our past" I get it... I have baggage too. but if we are blaming our moms---our kids are going to blame us. And that is a crushing thought to me as I have tried so hard to love them as fiercely as possible. And then, when I couldn't figure out why *you would have this problem I realized that you are human. And, while I sometimes give great advice to my kids or friends or work colleagues... sometimes I don't follow my own advice. So let me introduce you to someone who has helped me--Mel Robbins. ;) Thank you for showing your vulnerability and struggles. I like that you are real. It's one of my key personality traits that I look in other people.

[@tjc8758]

The Campaign OF Misery became The Campaign AGAINST Misery!! ♡♡♡

[@thestager5607]

After listening to this incredible podcast I realized how to make it easy for me was setting the stage for success My daughter is a singer who just produced her first solo concert and CD . Of course we labored over what might go wrong, but once the “stage was set” and the lights went on SUCCESS! The key for me moving forward is setting the stage with things to make the production easy to do

[@ThePortalTheory]

"Lunatic season" lolol omg I laughed and cried right along. You are the CEO of your traditions so you decide. Get out of bed an hour later that week if you want. Eat cookies for breakfast that week or day of. Millions of options because you are CEO and founder of your life. Do whatever the F. You want because you won't get fired and if anyone complains fire them from your life CEO. ❤️ to all. Ty ladies.

[@mollytejana]

OMGosh this podcast is a gift. Please Mel, do more of this type of discussion. Brilliant! 🌻

[@bonneyfinnegan8514]

Holy crap! I too am a soldier in the campaign of misery! I thought I was the only one! This is a great wake up!

[@samahlesayed8488]

How can this be easy? How can this make me happy? How can I let love in? These are beautiful questions to ask yourself every morning ❤

[@shellycoakley9597]

I love that Mel is becoming aware that spirituality is part of healing and it's a journey to inner self love

[@annb385]

I really skipped this episode a few times but goddamn this is an amazing episode. May we all acquire friends like this ❤️‍🔥

[@susanhollingsworth2979]

Putting down my sword! Planning to start this practice TODAY! Thank you, Ladies! ❤

[@ellenshaw1341]

This is the best thing for me that you have produced! I would like you to do more discussions with these wonderful people in your life.

[@siobhanmcgregor2557]

I feel very happy atm 😄 at peace with good decisions

[@xannaz9226]

Love Amy's daily mantra and practice. Fascinating. It occurs to me that difficulty comes from not acknowledging our choices, and owning them. We decide to not live in our parents' home town for a reason. We support our kids in their endeavors many states away for a reason. Sometimes it helps to dwell on the reason, then the difficult choice makes more sense.

[@tammyyoungmua]

This hits differently, my partner also says the same, I’m looking for the negative and I always said no that’s not right. I really need to make changes to try and get happy and this podcast popped up in my you tube recommendations at the right time. I’m so fed up being sad xx

[@FTMOTIVATION173]

👌👌👌

[@CobraMeliss]

There’s no coincidences. Best of luck!

[@annatorres2209]

Amen, sister. I'm with you

[@annatorres2209]

❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@carmenreynolds5442]

Loved this episode, continue to be grateful and enjoy the simple things everyday! Be true to yourself and what’s important to you, creating your own boundaries and stand up for what you belief in and what is valuable to you! ❤

[@gurudra]

The only way to be happy is to have the freedom to be yourself🙏

[@pambrown6260]

Even if you're the only one who wants it.

[@tman5634]

Yes & that means not to get caught up in the hamster wheel of life & it's vices, sometimes.

[@gailaroonie]

Sometimes embracing the freedom to be yourself is the best way to edit out the people who only like your pleasing side because thankfully they’ll just go away and you’ll only be left with quality people who are the best fit.

[@melodienaber3238]

I struggle to be happy with so many negative people bringing me down or siphoning off my positive energy.

[@ellachallas]

Love this video and love that you pull a daily card. What an an amazing group of women to be inspired by! I needed this video- thank you 🙏 💜✨.

[@izabelagolec6512]

Dear all, looking for negativity is a normal thing. It's our survival instinct trying to find threats to our lives the way we know it. The key is to be conscious about it and choose what to give attention to. To stay focused on here and now or something that is irrelevant. The practice of writing down that internal dialogue is great! It really works! I love the podcast and adding a burning ritual as a form of katharsis. It is brilliant! Thank you Mel and your team for your work!

[@elizabethash4720]

I love the way your words tumble out and fall over the others, thoughts, ideas, feelings, solutions,laughter, tears and laughter. It's great!!!

[@janninedonnelly3597]

Love, love, loved this amazing chat today. So uplifting 🙌 💖

[@debramcmartin905]

Going to call mine the campaign of discontent,changing to contented.

[@alexalcherise9082]

I love having people on the podcast like your children and friends! This is fun

[@debowen9669]

I’m absolutely loving the rawness, realness and relatability of your podcasts Mel. Your having a HUGE positive influence in MY life…. All the way to Australia 😂 THANKYOU, THANKYOU, THANKYOU❤

[@jajocoleman656]

This is meant for me to listen to today, yesterday, tomorrow, last week, next week, everyday! THANK YOU!

[@tman5634]

Mel, the only thing that makes me unhappy is because I've been a victim of crime on two occasions these part few years & the law supports the criminals more than it does me, the victim. There's no justice in the justice system. Plus how would anyone feel when being a landlord of a house & the tenant doesn't pay rent for 10months & the only way to get the tenant out is to use a lawyer, apply for court action & bailiffs...all expensive & all at my costs. Also the tenant has smashed up the house internals & will get away without paying. Like I say, no justice.

[@elisgonzales9994]

Omg!!! Thank you for being soooo honest! I’ve come to the conclusion that I have to leave my tribe, my family… I out grew them a loooong time ago I’m not better than them but I am very different They function in dysfunction and that’s not how I will thrive and accomplish my dreams I needed to hear this, thank you sooo much!🙏🏼❤️

[@riddlerhymes512]

The perfect Thanksgiving feast. To find out that even your mentor is half-baked. Courageous generosity on dispay. Mel, you freaking rock!

[@anaagpal7632]

I too try to catch those negative moments by writing in my journal. I realized that I write not to be understood but to understand, and hopefully to share what I've learned. Thank you Mel!

[@AgelessPassions]

Beautiful lesson about being present to what is happening right now. Thank you, Mel! 🤟

[@FTMOTIVATION173]

💗💗

[@clairekirkwood8939]

Yes I do this too. I'm already worying about the loss of my friend in my job who Is retiring from work in 2 years . I have worked with her for 21 years , rather than being present and enjoying her working with me for another few years. I think I feel I need her and without her I won't be able to do my job properly, I don't believe in myself.

[@ItsFinallyMyTime]

OMG! You referenced your Mum always seeing what’s wrong and my Mum is so similar! If it was friend/acquaintance/ workmate I would walk away from the relationship but of course can’t with her. I work very hard when with her to draw her out of the dark side!

[@rachelberkowitz2540]

Every day I'm listening I can't survive otherwise. Very complicated marriage. Need tons of inspiration so I'm really changing love it love it.....

[@wirewears]

Thank you for this life lesson!

[@joannlamothe6640]

I can relate to this so much!! I have had my sword up all the time waiting to use it! I need to put it down and I want to lead my life with Joy, Love and Happiness! I feel like I am going through a mid-life crisis where things in life are changing, and I don't know who I am anymore or where I am supposed to go, or who I am supposed to be. I see everything as gloom and doom, and I want to stop doing that, but I need help. I feel I can't do it by myself. I can write the stuff on paper and burn it, but I need more than that.

[@lizhoffmann5190]

You got it out of the ballpark again! Each time you talk about something I need to hear! Thanks so much! It may have been a long time in coming but your timing is perfect!!! Thanks! Love you Mel!

[@catlaroja]

You guys are hilarious… I want to move to Vermont 🍷

[@jeanp.1303]

Wow… that was soooo good. I think everyone should make this “spiritual flush” part of their daily routine.

[@FTMOTIVATION173]

👌✌

[@lovelifeforever8539]

Mother tongue is so true. I needed to hear that, especially before holidays. Living in the moment, we need to learn that. Thank you Mel and team. Let the joy flow.

[@claudia5446]

It seems that today you read my mind! Totally agree and related. To get rid of the "black birds" that fly in our minds needs such a hard work. Congratulations

[@virginiaparker9450]

Thank you.

[@elizabethash4720]

Thankyou for sharing your humanity. We are all one in the eyes of God, he created us, we are his. Thankyou.

[@Julie-ch1ue]

Thank you for taking care about dealing with negative thoughts that are poison to our happiness

[@beckibishop6732]

Upon waking it's good then I start to think of things that can go wrong, use your 54321 get up get moving, and then say a simple prayer/statement Thank you Creator for blessing my life, accepting all that is and not worrying about what isn't , letting go and letting God. Rinse repeat, rinse repeat all day long.

[@kajjbrock]

Geez… is this the voice in my head?!? Holy cow this is me. I have been battling the awareness of the sword for years. I survived, ( being aware not to say I was a victim) I survived a stroke, a rare stroke from Covid in March of 2020 and since then it’s been an unfolding of change and transformation. I was lucky to be ok and alive. I focused on that for so long and then bam over the last two years the PTSD and pain starting seeing through. The trauma I didn’t deal with cracked open my brain to take a hard look at life. Thank you for this. You have put into words the battle I have with myself everyday. We are new empty nesters. The first year and the year after my Covid experience I was joyful and in the moment. Began writing this year and feeling like myself and it was back to the misery of everything. Staying one step ahead of failure for me and everyone else. Today it is stopping. Boy, then on to the holiday season stuff! Unreal, hitting the mail on the head of my lifetime of language!

[@kajjbrock]

Go

[@HaniyahYisrael]

It's true, everyday is hard when you live with these feelings of self misery.

[@Mail4Lisa]

Wow, this is eye opening,I can relate to ALL this and appreciate all 3 of you for bringing this to light!!

[@alexiadevine5984]

Hi Mel , thank you for this important message ! My campaign is called self hatred ! I just battle to love myself and my weaknesses ! I’m 58 years old and I’ve been on a healing journey since my mom died 2 years ago and my growth has been incredible! Still battling with weaknesses ! Which in turns to emotional eating ! That is my biggest hurdle I need to jump ! Keep up all the inspirational videos. It keeps me going ! By the way , you have got me on a treadmill walking 30 min a day from 20 years of NO exercise ! And talking to myself everyone morning in the mirror! Mostly high fives .. but sometimes bringing myself down ! So I’m a work in progress . Sending much love from South Africa xx Alexia

[@ggbouvier9897]

Alexia don’t text Text me because it’s a scam.

[@edinaalic4500]

Thank you beautiful ladies!! Thank you 🙏 ❤my God this resonates with me soooo f….. much . I put down my 🗡️ sword. It’s time. It’s time . Thank you!

[@ggbouvier9897]

Mel! YOU ARE A FANTASTIC PERSON! You have a wonderful husband and three healthy happy children! BE HAPPY GIRL!!! Life is so short!!! Be happy because you deserve it!!!!!!! I think you are a perfectionist and that state of mind is always difficult.

[@CoraNaylor]

I started doing morning pages about 6 weeks ago and am addicted to it..the best therapy I’ve ever done..it’s amazing what shows up on the paper! Haven’t tried burning it yet though! PS - happy to offer a virtual Emotion Code session to help your cat with it’s issues 🤗

[@chickenhartlepool]

You ladles are so brave and courageous doing this. And I love the honesty x I'm in the UK and I've just written loads of pages too x I'm about to go burn it up xxx it's almost like we carry the cross like Jesus did ( I'm not religious) more spiritual. Its cathartic watching you guys x I enjoyed the silence on between too xxxx I really needed this today gorgeous ones x you are beautiful. My dad sees the misery and I'm not accepting this x we love you too x and thanks for believing in me

[@natashahernandez2272]

This has to be the most amazing and moving lesson that will have a big impact on my life.

[@sheiladuke3289]

❤ thankyou ❤ For The Happiness ❤

[@sedonahorsemedicine]

3 morning pages ...Started doing those 20 years ago after reading "The Artists Way" ... Great stuff

[@kristina4395]

Many people are almost affraid to be happy, to much to loose then.. protective mechanism.. even when they work towards being happy the self-sabotage patterns are so subtile

[@FTMOTIVATION173]

🤍💚

[@randivester6949]

Love you Mel, thank you from Louisville Kentucky!! 😻

[@GrandMadame]

This conversation is so on point. Thank you Mel!

[@siobhanmcgregor2557]

I've had an epipthany this morning , talk about wake up call. My self sabotage WAS choosing self destructive promiscious money mad narcissist men who live on aeroplanes to support this life style and believe monogamy is a type of wood. The type of man who believes that mind games are a form of investment and the type that needs kicking to the curb. I'm just glad im not married to someone like that - happy days. 🙏

[@FTMOTIVATION173]

👌👌✌

[@juliesaint-pierre7588]

i am thankful for being in health and living in peace there is no war i am poor but i pay my bills i guess i appreciate simple things everyday thats hapipness in the moment the rest being alone is bad

[@heatherkerr2147]

Thank you Mel. I needed this exact message this morning.

[@MrsBelindaBrown]

I needed this video, I have listened to this video 2 times already. Thank you

[@brycenwhitesides6866]

Loved it. Thank you.

[@auniversalmind1658]

This whole conversation hit home. Yall are amazing. Thanks you 3 for this.

[@drnomad16]

Very powerful!

[@KK-jx2ms]

Excellent content. Thank you.

[@sandram6913]

I love this!! I will make this a practice of mine.

[@heatherryll9303]

I have always thought of myself as a pessimist, always how to deal with might go wrong but now I realize, this is me you are talking about. I have to throw away the sword!

[@allysonvanraden8810]

Love this conversation ladies. In my family we always had lots of people and lots of kind of chaos. I would say, how can the holidays be fun. What would be fun! And I do agree that when you’re around people who just wanna bring you down, because they’re unhappy themselves. Spend less time with those people brush off the bullshit and walk away

[@user-vl3pu4dt4t]

Thank you! I’m not alone

[@Mustlovehorrorfilms]

Great episode, I listened to it on your podcast. I hope this doesn’t come across as a rude comment or saying that people who are more well off aren’t allowed to be unhappy, but if I had the luxury to buy a tree, lights, or those things you put over your fireplace I think I would be a lot more happy. I have $0.27 in my account and my room is so small, it only fits a twin bed. I live in a SRO so I have to share the bathrooms with the whole building…just saying. But, still grateful for your podcast and videos. They have been helping a lot

[@nadalynm.3145]

Good morning! Thank you for this podcast. What are these cards you’re talking about and where can I get some?

[@FTMOTIVATION173]

👌👌✌

[@milashealingspace1175]

Oh, I definitely resonate with that. I caught myself doing exactly that a while ago. I think the first step to shifting this reaction is to become aware. When we become aware of the sword, we will begin to notice when we pick it up. Consciously knowing that that’s not where we want to be. It’s a process. I know, that as I found out last week that I have some early stages of scum cancer, it put me very quickly into the present moment. Maybe it’s about allowing yourself to feel that joy. Believing that you deserve it. Reminding yourself that worrying about tomorrow rubs us if today. Anyway, thanks for sharing ❤ love you Mel

[@joemartinezjr.6692]

Happy. Beautiful

[@jodiegall3366]

Thank you ❤

[@ms_firefly]

Thank you so much for this! I just burned my first three pages in my wood stove and I feel lighter already. I had some common sense come out at first, and then some anger that feels really good to release; things I'd be too scared to write in a regular journal for fear of them ever being found.. Thank you thank you! Happy Holidays~what a great gift :)

[@angelamcgregor1301]

I was in tears listening to this ❤ you ladies are awesome ❤ xxx

[@jojosmojo1974]

Let it go🌹It’s just thoughts❤

[@beckibishop6732]

I want to start doing this for me and those in my bubble.

[@rubybobkowski4464]

this happens to me ALL.THE.TIME.

[@poochini7272]

So true!!

[@heatherryll9303]

I have to thank you again! L9ve you!

[@viloshnireddy4023]

I can so relate to everything here today and I am definitely going to try this. THANKS MEL

[@laurenbecker505]

This resonates with me so much!!! I have this same tenancy when waking up sometimes. Thank you Mel!!!

[@katleenemmens4451]

This whole video was mindblowing!!!🥰🥰🥰🤯🤯🤯

[@kristannablue]

Living in the moment isn’t some new revelation.

[@Lucaplayshorts]

Didn’t it hit Mel one morning while she was lying in bed? Come on.

[@talesoftheferrofoxstrength2175]

It is wild because those of Whom I know intimately,meaning closely, say I’m always so negative. Others I do not know but at face value, in the public or at the gym, look to me for motivation. Say I am so inspiring, so positive all the time and what a beautiful smile I have shows how content I am. Yet ex husband, boyfriend, Who were abusive find you but they stated that I’m always complaining. Which makes me second-guess myself. So it’s like I’m some contradiction in the world. I sometimes have a joke I’m not stating there’s a problem I’m sitting in as a challenge and I want to rise up to. But at the end of the day I’m the one in tears crying alone

[@christine3319]

This is awesome! This is me all the way. I needed this so much this morning. I’ve been struggling for years with this.

[@bravelefave5642]

Seems like burning old patterns of thought is an easy way to release hidden commitments we made with the traumas in our life.

[@chrishey62]

It was I needed!!try to write down how can it be easy, couldn’t start but then I flowed! However sad part is in the apartment I couldn’t burn it :( but I will rip it off hereafter

[@dianadanielle81]

The pen is mightier than the sword. ❤

[@ashleydoiron1548]

I LOVE your podcast!! So proud of you! Can't wait for more!♥️

[@FTMOTIVATION173]

👍

[@limorben-romano5027]

Hey Mel Robbins Team Please clarify - The writing of 3 pages every morning with the question how can this be easy - Should I do it like every morning page where I just “puke” my thoughts positive or harmful? Or should I write in a mindful deliberate way or writing positively?

[@theresesilvawalker8407]

Hello! Love this podcast. What Oracle deck is referenced here please?

[@stacielivinthedream8510]

How about; How can this be easy and fun? 🥰😍🙏😇😉

[@natashamarieallred]

What kind of oracle cards does Amy use? I would love to learn more about them. ❤

[@jacquelinegrullon2540]

❤❤

[@ggbouvier9897]

A good name for the sword would be The Sixth referencing the sixth commandment, Though shall not kill. Because really that is what we are doing to ourselves when we criticize, complain and pick ourselves apart day in and day out! One is literally killing one’s mind, body and spirit if one partakes in destruction thoughts against oneself.

[@sheiladuke3289]

❤ God Bless ❤❤

[@renatakrystian3886]

💞💞💞