The Truth About Men And Monogamy | Ep. 108

"The Truth About Men And Monogamy"
NEW EPISODE of @niceandneatthepodcast available on all streaming platforms‼️
(EP. 108) The Truth About Men And Monogamy (EP. 108)
What up family! In today’s episode, we'll be discussing a topic that has been a source of controversy and interest for many years - monogamy. Why is it so hard for men to be monogamous? It's a question that has been debated by experts, podcasters and individuals alike.
Firstly, let's define what monogamy means. Monogamy refers to being in a committed, romantic relationship with one person at a time. It also involves being sexually exclusive with that one person. However, in today's society, we often see people struggling to stay monogamous. Infidelity, whether emotional or physical, seems to be on the rise.
One reason for this could be the pressure and expectations put on individuals by society. We are bombarded with images and messages glamorizing casual relationships and hook-ups. The idea of settling down with one person for the rest of our lives can feel restricting and unappealing to some.
Furthermore, with social media and dating apps making it easier to connect with people, the temptation to explore other options outside of a monogamous relationship can be strong.
Another factor could be a lack of communication and understanding within the relationship. People often enter into monogamous relationships without fully understanding what it entails and what is expected of them. Listen and watch this episode as we uncover some of the difficulties people have with being monogamous.
Thanks for watching, and remember to hit that like button and subscribe for more thought-provoking content
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Intro song: @xaroc__ - Pledge of Allegiance

[@NiceAndNeatThePodcast]

Timestamp your favorite moment from the episode! 🥃🥃🥃

[@Ochanyai]

Big difference when men in healthy relationships speak on these matters 🙌🏽

[@AnnMarieCrew]

I truly love this podcast. It’s such a breath of fresh air to see and hear black men with such high values and just being real.

[@NiceAndNeatThePodcast]

🥃🥃🥃

[@Ny.Lynette]

Dukes point at 1139ish- it’s important to note the impact that patriarchal society has had on pedestalizing masculinity. It is not that Queen isn’t good enough, it is that King inherently by design has had greater agency and privilege. So it is considered more of note for a woman to be successful in male dominated fields because it is systemically, socially, and culturally more difficult for her. I’d also say that there is more to female or feminine dominated fields than beauty.. but again, we’ve been historically limited. I’m not sure that there are many men aiming to compete with women in the way this particular point conveys.

[@KINGPROCESS4U]

It depend of the domaine

[@NiceAndNeatThePodcast]

Point very VALID 🫡🥃🥃🥃

[@nicolejagdeo7409]

1:00:19 a man feeling embarrassed for not keeping his word! God bless you! This is so beautiful! This is a man that understands the weight of his words. Such a great episode

[@Jovialjay86]

So sad that some people can freely give access to their bodies yet hold onto a passcode to their phone.

[@AlieshiaTV]

Why is that?

[@DestinationDionna]

Paying your own bills is called adulting. I agree with Duke …. Masculine and Feminine really should be about embodying the characteristics.

[@queennyla1]

1:06:00 It’s so dangerous when our dysfunctional search for comfort and protection has COMMUNITY! When our mess can be validated, it’s TOUGH to redirect because misery LOVES COMPANY! 😢

[@juliannewhyte7510]

I wish more men were having these conversations and willing to make changes to be men of integrity. Thanks for this episode - it was a very refreshing reminder that there are good men out here!

[@ShalondaKeyes]

That hurt runs deep!!! All it takes is for that one person to hurt you in that way. It Can totally shift your entire life. That’s a fact .

[@PricelessProgress]

A very much needed conversation. Me n my girl have had many conversations resulting in a lot of the solutions you fellas talked about. She does have my password, we do have hard conversations. There’s more to do but starting is the hardest party really ..🤷🏾‍♂️👍🏾

[@NiceAndNeatThePodcast]

🥃🥃🥃

[@Abi-qm2vi]

Jalon's insights are thought provoking. Another great episode to the fellas and the team.

[@NiceAndNeatThePodcast]

Timestamp your favorite moment 🥃🥃🥃

[@sweetcynsation]

Male teacher and nurses, although they’re not a feminine job, a lot of women are in those spaces. But yet, male teachers and nurses may secure more job opportunities and higher pay over women just because there is a “need” for them. and jobs aren’t inherently, male or female based but we’re talking about a gender that’s the majority, I think we see the consensus as such. In male-dominated spaces, you usually get paid more so that’s also a fight for Pay equity in spaces like that. I think it’s a larger conversation and a very deep one to have.

[@DFOlover1]

Show me the evidence that backed up a gender pay gap with nurses and teachers. Male workers are more likely to ask for higher pay and work more hours because they do not get pregnant. They are also expected to do tasks outside of their job description like being a disciplinarian for everyone else’s class as a teacher or lifting all the heavy patients as a nurse. Relax on discrediting these workers

[@yourholisticbestie]

I love being called queen & being an entrepreneur & trailblazer but in my full feminine. I’m only masculine when I teach or setting boundaries or protocol

[@Abby-dk1jm]

Wow you 3 are a breath of fresh air. I really hope young black men are watching you guys! I love this podcast and I’m a female but you guys are dope and are spreading so much knowledge, keep it up 🙏🏾🙏🏾 Congrats on your new baby O!🥹🥹

[@NiceAndNeatThePodcast]

🥃🥃🥃

[@NaiyahScaife]

Very interesting. I rarely hear women saying they’re masculine. I normally hear men call women that. I don’t know if I actually know a woman who owns or has ever owned being masculine. I know there are masculine characteristics developed when your constantly making those life decisions. I know a lot of women just step up and take care of business (a lot of times we don’t have a choice) but I don’t know if we’re “trying” to be masculine. Or seeing ourselves like that. But not purposely, where women are saying I’m just going to be masculine. I’m I maybe I wasn’t hearing yall right. 😩 I’ll have to listen again. - The first part. 🤦🏾‍♀️

[@NiceAndNeatThePodcast]

This is great! We don’t believe anything is completely linear, two or more truths can absolutely exist 🥃🥃🥃

[@1dyce2]

🔥🔥🔥👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽very refreshing . You are truly representative of respectful black men of integrity

[@NiceAndNeatThePodcast]

🥃🥃🥃

[@AlieshiaTV]

Thanks for someone being honest about not even knowing how to use the word gas lighting when people just use it frivorsely… this episode should have 1 million views.

[@yourholisticbestie]

In the beauty industry we do give men major praise. Straight & Gay. It almost supersedes

[@PrettyyChocolate]

Healthy open conversation with mature men i love their perspectives

[@Fearless634]

Wow! This podcast truly is a breath of fresh air. Thank y'all for being men with high standards and bringing us into these conversations

[@dani125b]

Dukes point at 11:30ish I think if we look at fathers they are glorified for doing what a father should do meanwhile women are looked over and forgotten for doing their job as a mother because it’s expected of them, whereas a man doesn’t have the same expectation to show up and be a good father

[@heychaena]

Very insightful convo with nuggets of wisdom from all 3 fellas. My take: these days I think ‘masculinity’ and ‘femininity’ are getting pulled into the buzzwords that we turned ‘gaslighting’ and ‘narcissist’ into. They’re used so loosely (and inaccurately) in society chile… being labeled one is frowned upon and we just run with that! I think the Law of Gender explains masculinity vs. femininity perfectly. “The most successful people in the world are able to go back and forth between the feminine and masculine sides of their personalities at will, without a problem. They can relate to both sexes very well. It allows them to be successful, because not only do they have the creative side of them that is coming forward, which is the feminine side, they also have a focused willful side, which is the masculine side.” That said… I’ve never met anyone like this but any woman who is straight up saying she’s more masculine.. I would take a softer approach and validate her. Balancing those two is difficult! It sounds like she just wants to be heard and acknowledged.

[@ShyiaRobinson]

What a beautiful and eloquent statement. I agree that men and women are both feminine and masculine and whatever energy they’re in will succumb to their circumstances and cycles of life. ❤

[@heychaena]

@@ShyiaRobinson Thank you! 🫶🏽

[@ShyiaRobinson]

You’re welcome!

[@tanzanekova]

This message was so refreshing!

[@user-vi7lh9ke4z]

About the beginning of the episode..It feels like there’s a barrier for women and a fine line between successful and masculine. Making enough to pay bills (aka just get by,) not masculine..making enough to cover her bills, maybe invest, make sound financial decisions that can benefit her, her partner, and their future children..and now she’s masculine (and for some men..undesirable.) Which is crazy considering The median wealth for White households is $188,200, compared to $24,100 for Black families, and $36,100 for Hispanic households. I’m going to be honest, we (black families) really can’t afford to be disqualifying women for making money aka being masculine.

[@ivyp4142]

This comment needs to be pinned 🥃

[@randyvixamar3072]

a great episode all around 💯

[@doreenaddison1317]

Thank you for this conversation, it was necessary. I’ve been thinking about this for a while, I truly want better for our men!

[@Tpres1420]

great session guys

[@rarebreed6449]

This episode was good through and through 🙌🏾

[@roea7846]

I love this podcast! You gentlemen are spot on with these conversations. I wish you all successful relationships and success in everything you do.

[@monique.a.stewarttheauthor]

LOVE THIS EPISODE!!!🤎🤎🤎

[@Iamsaraii]

This episode was amazing. I love it.

[@kimchikimchi1251]

This is such a needed conversation

[@NiceAndNeatThePodcast]

🥃🥃🥃

[@DaphneK.]

Watching this episode the second time cause y’all were in my class notes, Bible study. Ateee!

[@jenellpotts7991]

Much needed episode!! 🙏🏾🙌🏾

[@NiceAndNeatThePodcast]

🥃🥃🥃

[@MizzWiggy]

So glad to see these guys still doing their thing here!! Such a great example on how to have relevant conversations without toxicity ❤❤

[@lililovesbeauty100]

Y’all ate this episode fr

[@twonrichpo1126]

Beautiful necessary convo fellas

[@NiceAndNeatThePodcast]

🥃🥃🥃

[@aluraferguson7476]

I love how y’all think!! I want more men to be emotionally aware and accountable in their actions. I think having a strong foundation in who you are, having friends who tell you right from wrong, and also in faith in God so good for a person to have

[@fredb2517]

Solid convo, brothas

[@NiceAndNeatThePodcast]

🥃🥃🥃

[@keerabilo7095]

OMG i love this show. I can Watch u guys talking all day. It’s so refreshing and interesting.

[@NiceAndNeatThePodcast]

🥃🥃🥃

[@Deshon_Holmes]

Prn is one of the hardest addictions to break

[@Delonta1221]

Super constructive conversation 🎉

[@ShyiaRobinson]

They’re are actually predominantly masculine women and feminine men who are heterosexual. They make up about 20% of each sex but they exist (quoted from The Way of the Superior Man). So they are better off with partners who compliment their dominant energies. For example, Shan Boody and her husband Jared Brady considers themselves a masculine woman and feminine man and they are comfortable with themselves and own it. It’s the societal pressures saying that that’s wrong when really it’s just different. Feminine and masculine is a huge topic that is often misinterpreted. But you guys bringing it up allows us all to discuss it which a beautiful way to circle things back. 😊🙏🏽

[@dmystfy]

Great point!

[@favourobasiolu4512]

This is an interesting perspective. I wish we could explore this more too.

[@Cheikh222]

Goated convo

[@NiceAndNeatThePodcast]

🥃🥃🥃

[@rarebreed6449]

Great point duke! 11:41

[@jt7526]

12:25 screaming!! Women don’t get the love and Most don’t get chosen off of feminity. I don’t think I most women want to be masculine, but want access to the money/resources to support themselves and the lifestyle they desire while in their journey to love. Most work that provides that level of resource requires more traditionally masculine attributes in business. 💕

[@PrettyBoyPhilly]

Great episode fellas 🫡

[@NiceAndNeatThePodcast]

🥃🥃🥃

[@madellenvazquez9865]

1:04:56 I never felt so understood 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 Jalon said it so well!!!! Thank youuuuu🤍

[@Jovialjay86]

42.50🎯 Amen

[@twonrichpo1126]

Soooo TRUE.

[@andremoses6128]

Great show

[@niknln8916]

New subbie here! Someone posted the link in their IG story and I clicked right. 😅 it’s refreshing to hear the conversation amongst men who are sure of what they want in life. Respect

[@NiceAndNeatThePodcast]

Welcome to the family! 🥃🥃🥃

[@niknln8916]

@@NiceAndNeatThePodcast 🥃

[@juanadams4979]

Powerful

[@shakeya_shambrea]

Neglecting everything to chase your career is irresponsible. I don’t know if we could categorize that as masculine or feminine.

[@i_appeal]

Good point. I think sometimes it may depend on the season one is in. There may be a season for career focus and a season where one has capacity or even reaches eligibility to focus on relationship. Now what that sweet spot or perfect balance is….idk.

[@marybutidk]

Thank y’all for this!! Great info! Especially when Duke was telling the men how they need to adjust to be able to be monogamous. & congrats on the recent engagement!!! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 now y’all all about to HUSBANDS!! ❤

[@francisw3456]

I love this pod! Yall really dig in!. Everyone had something that resonated for me, the consumption, whom you surround yourself with, and Duke's point of being "an as*hole". I tease my husband of almost 20 yrs about 1 day having an "Idris Elba -obssesed moment". He is the "nice approachable, friendly guy" and sometimes women are reckless with attempts at wanting it be something more. I will say the one thing i disagree with, is i in 23 total years have NEVER checked his phone. I stand very firmly on, if we trust each other, than we do PERIOD. If i have the need to do that, the. That's a problem for me.

[@NiceAndNeatThePodcast]

🥃🥃🥃

[@xliv54]

nice and Neat

[@PricelessProgress]

My friends are on love let’s go.

[@bintaxoxo]

It’s sexual assault awareness month, could y’all speak to the fact that our black women have been disproportionately affected. Also r**** culture, raising men to cause no harm, consent, and stealthing. How would to date a woman who has boundaries/ therapy/ emotionally responsibility that has a history of abuse? I find that some men see women like that as “broken”.

[@ShyiaRobinson]

Great suggestion! I think this conversation can be powerful and informative. ❤

[@iWAAOG]

The impossible… is possible 💯..🤞🏾.

[@NiceAndNeatThePodcast]

🥃🥃🥃

[@nasenncamatthews3472]

The Goats. The Megas-Peaches. DOJA CAT. Master P. Romeo Miller. Another Level Of Stardom-Successful-Stars.

[@favourobasiolu4512]

Great video. I definitely learned a lot- especially from males perspectives. As a summary of everything mentioned, I think Duke when you mentioned that you feel masculine women want to be associated with characteristics that are masculine for “brownie points”. To add on, It is ultimately because of patriarchy, and learned behavior by society; to reward, masculinity, power, and leadership through (ie): higher pay at work, promotions, not being taken advantage of etc. so perhaps that’s why. And this may be subconsciously or consciously done by masculine women. It also even ties into the reason men may not want monogamy. Because in patriarchal societies, like Duke mentioned, conquest is the goal and not monogamy. So until we as a society, continue to highlight and try to fix (the bad parts) of patriarchy, that is when we will start healing. I love how you all go back to understand the genesis of things as a collective/society and not just from today.

[@nicolejagdeo7409]

I think it would be extremely hard for a woman to blossom into all she can be, as a man’s wife, if she’s being cheated on. being cheated on doesn’t make a woman feel safe, we will go back into our shell and healing would have to take place, meanwhile growth could have happened. relationships are truly like aging wine, disturbing that process will not render the same results. also, men are leaders and should allow this space. show us a safe place and we will multiply everything a man gives us.

[@kamilahdammit]

I don’t think we say we are masculine cuz we pay our own bills… what puts most women in the masculine energy is the consistent survival mode. Not every women who’s paying their bills are in survival mode, but a lot of us are for sure. The things creating that environment varies.

[@Hayeshaze91]

How do you define survival mode? Not to be disingenuous, but a lot from what I hear is essentially because you’re female in gender, you should never have to struggle, go through hardships, etc. thus being in survival mode and wanting this “princess treatment”. Again, not to be disingenuous. But as a man, that’s our status quo of being an adult?

[@AlieshiaTV]

He said decompose 😂😂😂😂

[@AlieshiaTV]

I hate the feminine vs masculine debate it is so annoying

[@rarebreed6449]

Yall should get Tony gaskins on the pod

[@Leonie94]

I loved this conversation. The only thing I disagree with is the phone thing I think majority of women probably do look through their partners phone but personally I just don’t. Curiosity or not whatever is done in the dark will always come to light

[@Blush210]

Didn’t know “gaslighting” was a medical term that needed 12+ years of education to be able to identify 😂

[@Mrtimrrod]

They are saying … When its loosely thrown around there is a point where education of the word needs to he done .. So that its not being using for every situation same as “narcissist”

[@iWAAOG]

🫶🏽is a choice 💯🗝️

[@meganrhodes9157]

Being a single mom of 4, taking care of the house, work and daily things is tiring. I’ve been operating in my masculine and cant wait for the relationship that takes me out of my masculine.

[@jasgirl110]

There’s a difference between narcissistic traits and someone that actually has narcissistic personality disorder. The latter is not common, however the former is increasingly common in todays society and culture.

[@cshmonnn]

I believe that when women choose to date for money, at that point it’s tit for tat. After being heartbroken and disappointed so many times (& this doesn’t have to come from multiple people) a level of resentment starts to rise. And from there we decide to play the game that we feel men play with us. & we want to be better at it. we begin to want men to feel how they make us feel.. we want men to feel disposable therefore we use them how they use us. As for me.. I’m not bout that life😂 I’ve experienced heartbreak and wanted to say fuck it, I’m outside - but it’s just not me. My heart won’t let me. But some women just reach a breaking point. Or are protecting themselves FROM that breaking point. and then it repeats. Hurt people hurting people. It’s a tragic cycle. I enjoyed this episode, truly. It’s always a pleasure to see y’all in my algorithm 😭 thank you

[@missshephard2708]

I agree it comes from where the man started in life if your family life and friends have not shown they can be monogamous and thats all your surrounded by then it has to be within you to say i dont want to be this way and strive for that. But what about when a person is in a relationship and they want to be monogamous but they keep hitting hurdles where they are not because of how they were conditioned while growing up? Should they just end the relationship they are in even though its what they want and they love that person? Staying and working on your shortcomings seems hard and walking away seems easy. Its sad that some men were not given a fighting chance when it came to commitment because they grew up in a rough upbringing with absolutely no structure or love.

[@bttrfly_wngz09]

I’m a Black woman in my early thirties, and I’ve never had any real world conversations with women where they’ve described themselves as masculine or “being like a man” 😂 in the context of queer women, sure. But cis-het women, this feels foreign. Is this a recent thing? I hear more talk about “masculine women” from actual men, and tbh, the only times I’ve seen women discussing this online is in response to men in videos or podcasts, particularly red pill content.

[@clarkkent4991]

In regards to the password cellphone issue. I personally don’t believe that you should cheat in a relationship because it’s an unsaid agreement that echos an expectation of exclusivity. That being said. Your phone is a recording of your private conversation between yourself and whoever you were talking too. Keep in mind that the person that you had the conversation with thinks that they are just talking to you… not you and your lady or partner. Now unless you tell each person that you converse with that hey… my partner has access to my phone and can see what is being said and I’m ok with that but you didn’t agree to that situation. I think going through a persons personal conversation recordings…text… emails etc is a young persons issue. Or maybe a more mature in age person thing but not a secure in yourself person thing. Why would you intrude into someone private conversation? Just like why would you walk up to a person and listen in to their conversation. Unless you are invited into the convo… I just stay out of it. It’s a matter of trust. Good info. Love your topics and thoughts. ✊🏾

[@Delonta1221]

Here! 37:01

[@yourholisticbestie]

Lol😂my ex cheated with the counselor at church. These streets are scary 😢

[@NiceAndNeatThePodcast]

😳😳😳

[@dop3keyz]

Should women be held accountable at the same level of being too friendly with guys as well ?

[@NiceAndNeatThePodcast]

Everyone should be held accountable in every way, however we are talking about us here. 🥃🥃🥃

[@IcantwithYoupeople]

so nothing else matters to masculine men but their career

[@iWAAOG]

23:35

[@IcantwithYoupeople]

body parts and y and x chromo is what makes you masculine and feminine

[@rarebreed6449]

I think some Men that are satisfied AND get it when and how they want it, yet still go seek it elsewhere STILL want something else because they had something else prior to that person. They’ve had other options prior so they KNOW what other “things are like or what they have the potential to be. Too many options cause u to compare even while you’re trying to be monogamous with one. The comparing, moves the joy and goodness of what u already have to the back burner….thats why god wants us to WAIT from the beginning. That way we have nothing to compare it to. 36:31

[@rarebreed6449]

They’ve further compromised the flesh

[@rarebreed6449]

Most are not owning up duke 44:52 lbs

[@brillosa61]

I’d be curious for them To speak on how they handle having a sex drive that exceeds their partners … and they have no issue staying faithful… therefore where do they stand on handling that on their own and if they think that’s ok or is a sexual betrayal to their woman .. or not so much a betrayal but unhealthy to the relationship?

[@Queening948]

The world would be better place if males would be honest about knowing who they are instead of DECEIVING women who desire monogamy and waste their time. These grown boys need to be in polygamy and own up to it! The deceit is abuse and you somehow remove the other person ability to choose whether this is a right fit for them or not. -- Marriage is only for monogamy individuals who know they have self control, solid about their identity of who they are and what they stand for. --Our generation already don’t get married enough but still a destructive cycle of the same chaos that goes on in relationship or marriages which doesn’t make sense. If you know you’re a cheater, a lair, gaslighter, a manipulative person, a deceiver you need to be in polygamy it’s just that simple. And no accountability with the circle they are in, which is ENABLING! -As women we need to study these things first hand, don’t move with your emotions and remove sex off the table so you can see clearly and discern correctly.

[@jwjwj480]

I think a woman was needed for the beginning of this conversation

[@ShyiaRobinson]

I thought the same thing 🙈

[@dontemurphy1185]

only women say "operating" in anything. It's just mumbo jumbo words. You either are or are not