The "You’re the Boss, But I’m in Control" Strategy ; don't be fooled like Miranda (SATC analysis)

[@mirelasemanjaku]

I heard some where someone saying: "no man commits faster than a homeless man". Considering his apartment was hideous, this too kinda fits the scenario.

[@69SalterStreet]

😂 he’s a home-osexual. If you have a home, he’s gonna get sexual.

[@joanna0988]

Yes they're called hobosexuals 😅

[@lalam732]

Omfgggg

[@FishareFriendsNotFood972]

Ah, yes, remember how SATC tried to gaslight all of us into thinking if a woman is concerned about giving up all of her boundaries and life in the face of a man in her bed.......she has an unwomanly amount of power. YEESH.

[@frenchie5787]

I think Steve was so eager to be in control and "win" over a girl boss, but he couldn't handle it once he got what he wanted. He doesn't want her for her but for what him being with a woman like her could say about him. He is twisted.

[@valentina53674]

Steve loves being with Miranda as long as SHE is the only one making sacrifices and being uncomfortable. The first time Miranda asks him for a favour and wants to introduce him to her world he feels a little uncomfortable and runs away. 👀🙄

[@frenchie5787]

@@valentina53674 Right ! So, does that make him immature, lazy, or manipulative ?

[@Some_guy_passing_by]

​​@@frenchie5787 all three .

[@valentina53674]

@@frenchie5787 all of the above :P

[@chelseashurmantine8153]

These series are helping me process so much from my past relationships.

[@alexpapasi61]

gurl, same!!! i feel healed

[@MoonbyulKim]

Next talk about Sam and Smith ❤ they were the best couple overall. He really loved her and she loved him too but she loved herself more 😅❤ Sam is the true main character of SATC 🎉

[@wanderingjadah]

Loved that relationship!

[@angelicaanghelache]

💯

[@AlexNur07]

Indeed

[@kierad1794]

Agree! Sam and Smith were a really supportive couple. I also really liked Charlotte and Harry, although they had their own ups and downs sometimes. It would be interesting to hear V’s takes on some of the conflicts in their relationship.

[@citiesandcats]

I second this!

[@wanderingjadah]

I love your insights. I remember watching SATC with my roommates in 2001-2002 and we were right out of high-school. We aaaaall viewed Steve and Aiden as 'such nice guys'. It's so different to watch as an older person.

[@missmatti]

I always had an ick about Aidan, but I was definitely fooled by Steve. Now I can see that he reminds me of an ex of mine that stalked me and Steve’s behavior really irks me now.

[@valentina53674]

Same. When you don't pay rent/mortgage and don't do any housework is very hard to see how much Steve exploits Miranda. 😕

[@toomuchinformation]

I'm pleased to say that I always thought both were Sus.

[@veronikapop8161]

girl you make me feel so validated… I’ve never liked Aiden and Steve, I hate these fake good guys, these shows are trying to push this idea onto us that this is the great guy you should choose… nooope 👎

[@AlexNur07]

Steve was a bit cringe but sorry Aidan was a great guy. Not perfect, but great. Smith tho, was perfect.

[@kierad1794]

Steve also cheated on Miranda. I feel like that gets ignored a lot because she forgave him… which was such a BS plot too!!

[@AlexNur07]

@@kierad1794 yea he was done in my eyes when he did that, but in the original series he was a good guy, bit cringe but he was still good

[@LadyGalendra]

I was shocked when learned apparently Steve is a "beloved fan favourite". My bestie also didnt believe it

[@toomuchinformation]

Crazy. Women are being played.

[@thirstwithoutborders995]

I honestly also believe every relationship has a thinker and a feeler to work. I don't know if I like the word Alpha, but whatever. Women can also be the Alphas, but they need a counterpart who enjoys being led and being the safe space for the independent woman. I think Aidan would have been good with Miranda, he seemed comfortable being a furniture designer and doing stuff on his own and giving emotional support when needed. Miranda also seems like she would have appreciated the freedom more than dramaholic Carrie.

[@mjacwest]

Yes Miranda would do well with someone more chill, where Carry wants someone to chase her and obsess over her and high-key enjoys the drama

[@jordane8526]

Dramaholic 🤣

[@joanna0988]

You probably don't like the word alpha because the alpha theory has been debunked many times since it became popularized. It was only ever seen in short term observations of captive wolves. Wild wolves and dogs do not have a dominant "alpha" that everyone fears, they work like families and more on positive reinforcement than fear.

[@FishareFriendsNotFood972]

This whole plotline just assumed that women all see romantic relationships as a gift that they clearly should be thankful for. And if they are not acting that way, they just need to get over their hangups and insecurities.

[@citiesandcats]

"Suffocated" is the PERFECT adjective. Ugh, I wanted to whack him across the...and to think he was my fave at one time. I think I appreciate this video all the more because I am still learning to stand up for myself when my friends urge me to date the "nice guy" that I a/not only don't have chemistry for, but b/ see through it. I was seeing this guy earlier this year, who IS a good person, but there was just something performative about him. I could feel it. And it really upset me when my friend suggested I end up with him. I felt like I was settling. And he wasn't even the secret jerk that Steve is. Just condescending from time to time, and apologized when I called him out on it.

[@jordane8526]

Condescending from time to time is a huuuge red flag. Good on you for spotting it. These nice guys can be the absolute worse

[@citiesandcats]

@@jordane8526 I'm not sure if this was condescending, but it's still an interaction that bothers me to this day. Can you weigh on it, please? We went out one night and the next morning I asked if we can go out for brunch. He said he can't but we can have brunch together the next weekend, as we were going to a cottage with a couple of my friends. "Sure," I said, even though it wasn't the same because that was me hosting and cooking. Anyway, I didn't make a big deal out of it, and he kind of made a "joke" about, "Are you going to pout now?" Then as he was dropping me home on his way to his errands, I remembered, "Ooooh, THAT'S why I'm hungry. I forgot to have dinner last night," and he goes into white knight mode, "Omg, why didn't you tell meeee, I would have made something for you, fried some eggs, etc." I kind of joked that if I've been waiting so long to eat, I need the meal to be amazing so it's better I make something for myself (because I'm a better chef and I know what I want in the moment), so he shouldn't worry about it. Anyway, as he was dropping me off, he's like, "Promise me you'll eat?" and I was like, "Ummm, I made it to this age, I think I know how to take care of myself, thank you." It annoyed me that he was acting like my Dad (he was much younger, btw). Anyway, my best friend thought I was making a big deal out of that. And maybe there were a couple more subtle ones in the 2-3 months that we hung out.

[@sarahelo009]

Girl you dodged a bullet. Something does not feel right with those interactions. My dad was emotionally abusive and would say the same things exactly. He would always “joke” about my attitude which would make me feel like I can never complain/be upset. He would always treat me as though I’m an incapable woman (I was an adult at this point). The more independent I became, the worse it got (yelling, threatening, etc.) Anyways, your interacts are like mine to a T but I may be bias. It sounds like you were more like his daughter than an equal. All I can say is listen to your gut 🤍 I hope you find the peace you need

[@citiesandcats]

@@sarahelo009 Girl, thanks for validating! It was a major turn-off. Like I was seriously repulsed. Also, it was so fake. Like, if you're sooooo concerned that I'm hungry, why don't you ask if I'd like to stop for an hour at the myriad of brunch places in our city? He'd said, "Oooh I'd have made something," isn't that more time consuming? Also, I know his errands could have waited, tbh. And then acting like he was here to take care of me, like you said. I'm so sorry about your Dad. I feel like I come from a similar family and also had an ex who would complain about how much I complain. It is designed to shrink you. I suppose this guy was doing the same but I didn't date him for long enough to find out. Although, as I type this out, more and more examples are falling into memory. It's obviously much worse when it's your own father who's not respecting you, because one tends to believe it more easily. At least this guy was 13 years younger than me so I could see through his bullshit because he wasn't a role model.

[@sarahelo009]

@@citiesandcats Yes of course, and thank you for your kindness 🤍 I no longer speak to my dad and am much better for it. It quite literally cured my psychological issues. I'm so glad you left that guy. Sounds like your brain is kind of protecting you from more of the icky behavior he presented. He sounds exhausting. All in all, life is hard enough, we can do without toxic men 😊

[@hibaaqahmed9099]

37:40 This scene ALWAYS makes me angry 🤬 Okay, I never thought about it before especially when you have Big and Carrie taking up so much of the spotlight but watching this analysis of Steve and Miranda makes me so pissed off 😂 I mean I’ve always thought their relationship was horrible but I never realised how bad it actually was. I’d say it’s even worse than Big and Carrie! At least with those two, they seemed to enjoy their toxicity but poor Miranda, she had no idea how she was being played from the get go, despite being the smart friend.

[@andreag.8870]

Even if at first Steve seemed to be a "nice" man, he showed his true colors and could not leave his ego behind to support Miranda when she needed him the most when she was at the peak of her career because poor him his ego was being "emasculated" by her own success. They should have broken up from the first time. I just do not understand why SATC tried so hard to make exes a thing to give a second or third or fourth chance even if it was clear from the beginning that there were so many issues that could never be resolved no matter what. And my other issue, is that Miranda character at the end was pretty much a facade because someone like her would never put up with so much humiliation and control and manipulation from a man child for years and years.

[@Keiaradise]

SATC is one of the main reasons I spun the block so much 🤦🏾‍♀️

[@bigsistahtips]

I think it's poor writing, Why someone so confident like the Steve we met at the bar would be such a coward. It just doesn't make sense..

[@toriyt2714]

I never thought about that. They never addressed the breakup for her being more successful. They never even talked about it.

[@MoonbyulKim]

The way I clicked so fast on this video 😂

[@angelicaanghelache]

True

[@AlexNur07]

😂😂

[@siennahoward6957]

I have been in the same situation as Miranda. It's so frustrating when you try to communicate to someone you're feelings in a relationship and they completely ignore you because they feel that they are in the right. People never do anything just once. If you see an action you don't like about someone and they are reluctant to consider your perspective then you should reevaluate the relationship.

[@yasminacazorlacordero4736]

This video infuriated me lol. I am so happy we are less ignorant today, than when the show was released, about boundaries and relationship dynamics.

[@Sibila1983]

When I saw that last scene I remember feeling uncomfortable by the manipulation but I was too young and naive to comprehend you can be toxic while looking caring and all the other covert manipulation techniques that Steve uses by constantly playing the victim while pushing his agenda with no regards whatsoever to other people's feelings

[@starlight-ki6fr]

Thank you for making this video. This has opened my eyes to how self-interested and manipulative Steve was. I never watched the episodes of Sex and the City consecutively so I didnt catch this. I just thought he was sweet and devoted to her and she was afraid to trust someone completely. He was gaslighting her the whole time and made her feel like a bad person for being independent and enjoying her own company. This show convinced me that he was a good guy when he was probably the worst thing that happened to Miranda

[@Btsarmy-ng1pl]

I could listen to you talk all day, your story telling is so captivating

[@jenynz5334]

As someone who is often made to feel like the a.h. by an a.h., I very much appreciate your insights. They are very helpful.

[@NadiraJamal]

The relationships in this show always felt like obvious setups for a life lesson but then the narrative draws the opposite conclusion. They do SUCH a good job of depicting a partner or relationship full of classic red flags (nice guy who doesn’t respect your boundaries, intoxicating man who jerks you around), but somehow the message is always “just abandon yourself and keep trying and it will work out in the end”?!?

[@toomuchinformation]

"Just abandon yourself...." THAT is so true and very common in films, esp rom coms. Melanie Hamlett has some good videos on this.

[@nikolpli]

I struggle watching videos with Steve while eating, that’s how much he disgusts me. And I wish I was exaggerating.

[@Keiaradise]

You are not alone, we need a support group

[@caseyw.6550]

😂😂😂 for real. I'm about to puke.

[@toomuchinformation]

I thought it was just me and his whiny voice drove me mad! I can just hear him saying:"Meerandaah" 🙁🙁🙁🙁

[@kittykat9647]

Love your videos, especially the SATC ones!!

[@jessel4life]

Let's not forget Magda's part in this. Always letting him in, catering to him, and also making Miranda feel like Steve is what's best for her

[@BeStillandKnow0000]

I feel so bad for Miranda... wtf was Steve ;( i mean Big is the worst.... but Steve... what is that?!?!?!

[@knitwitchpgh]

Id put money on steve couldnt afford his apartment anymore and was getting kicked out and only decided to start things up with miranda to get a place to stay. Then his pathetic move out Apartment viewing he dragged her to. Effing narcissistic

[@Keiaradise]

Textbook hobosexual

[@caseyw.6550]

Haha yep

[@toomuchinformation]

💯💯💯💯💯💯💯

[@grossliz1995]

I got a surprise layoff today, and this is a welcomed distraction. ❤

[@sarahelo009]

I’m so sorry, I hope you spend the rest of the day(s) showing yourself compassion 🤍

[@normagonzalez1427]

I know you have said you are not a therapist, however, the analysis you have made about this series have been making me think about the dinamics or all my relathionships in a way no one has before. Thank you

[@AudreysBrains]

Just sat down to get some work done for an hour. And now I have the perfect snark commentary to join me!

[@igoinsquares]

Best woman I ever met = you're better than the other girls.. classic manipulation. Build her up to tear her down. He sees her! Esp. Her insecurities... he was written as a gaslighting piece of work. Unbelievable

[@olymphe]

You need to drop merch with 'BISSSSSS' on it, I love it 😂❤

[@toriyt2714]

I love when she says that too lol

[@littleboyimnida]

another youtuber has something similar merch

[@LGH27]

Thanks for uploading this for my Monday commute!

[@ja_santana]

I would LOVE to see some videos about Samantha and Smith and also Richard. Both relatioships seems very layered and interesting to analize this "pushing away" someone.

[@leedlbagginshield8492]

Samantha was too independent and prideful for a man and she knew that so she let Smith go. I admire her honesty

[@rachie116]

i learned that a lot of what the characters go through happened to the writers of the show

[@eli_1719]

I love your videos! I could listen to you for hours. Oh wait, I actually do XD

[@julianaalencar9586]

Totally off topic, but you are a pet sitter! OMG, that is so nice

[@belkhodjaeya4055]

Keep up the good work!

[@krisztinasz4503]

Such a good video. Keep making them, please :)

[@c.a.savage5689]

If, in a relationship with someone, if you consistently spend more than 10% of the time spent together "discussing the relationship" : who feels what and why / what's not working and why / my "needs" / your "feelings"... it's just not happening. Take a break. You don't have to call it quits, but it sounds like you've got a relationship with only one person in it. It goves me a migraine just thinking about it.

[@kandi7346]

If I was Miranda, I would call 911 on him because that was frickin trespassing

[@byttercandy]

I love your videos sooo much girl

[@c.a.savage5689]

Sheesh. I really like V. She's funny, insightful, sassy, very upbeat and positive. Even when she finds fault with the characters. That said, l really, really dislike SATC and always have, even from the very beginning. It felt like the characters, dialogue and story lines were written BY men about women. And not in a good way. As if the women weren't real people with hopes and dreams, but female stereotypes in the male perception. Listening to almost all of this video reminded me of all that

[@theroomnumber5210]

Steve was the original hobo that found a woman with money and he knew how to push her boundaries and control her. Carrie was a horrible friend who guided Miranda the wrong way several times. If she didn't rely on Carrie's input, Miranda would not have ended up with Steve.

[@Tinerila]

Steve was weird, trying to weasel his way in by all means, coming up at the door, asking to live in. I swear instead of Miranda I would have ask him to get lost, baby and all. Scrap! She settled and she could have had more for her status

[@pacrat190]

See I do like Steve, but this does make me see some of his actions very differently Which is nice to get all sides of it Now I’m not saying I like him all the time he does a ton of stuff I dislike in the show, but out of the love interests he’s probably my favorite one that’s around long term. I really enjoy getting a different perspective of their answers

[@lasdelclan]

Wow! Brilliant!

[@chanellemartin5463]

your accent helps me work 😂

[@bigsistahtips]

In this case, in particular, it's just bad writing. They never defined Miranda as a person. I know personalities can't be defined, but life stories, yes. Miranda, one day is cold; another day, she loves her family; the next day, she wants to be an independent professional; but then, it's too hard, and so on. It's like a tradwife writing about the type of person Miranda is, the type who's never fulfilled. That she's always too ambitious. The same with Samantha. They're written from the perspective of people who think compromising your whole life is what makes it work. It is realistic that if you've been hurt since a very young age at home and then out in the real world, you won't be truly trusting, so when a good person comes, it's going to be hard to believe in healthy relationships and good people. But then, in the plot, it's not about being loved by a good person and you loving them back. Suddenly, Miranda is bored of his lack of ambition. Like she didn't know that about Steve from the get-go. These writers are as narcissistic as Carrie. These women are all too much for anyone and they should be lucky to date them. It's good to know your value but being a jerk with everybody just because you "love yourself" is a completely different thing.

[@miava1031]

Why people in America say “I know” when they pet a dog? I’m seriously curious!

[@sarahwood8713]

you gotta do love is blind and MAFS lol please

[@caseyw.6550]

Mawhanda!

[@k.o.390]

👌

[@damnscar]

❤❤❤

[@yanan4249]

Maybe Steve is manipulative but I think you don't see how Miranda herself was belittling Steve the whole time. She always sees him as someone below her in money, career, ambitions. It's all good things if you want them but not for everyone. Then, she wanted to take Steve to her work event and he had to dress a certain way for her, she didn't ask him what he himself wanted to wear, what would be comfortable for him. She treated him as some kind of an accessory you take to the event or some kind of doll you can dress to your liking. Also she wanted him to look more successful than he actually was (hence buying a fancy suit). Was not that belittling and insensitive of her? So who hurt whom in that situation is a question, I think they both hurt each other. I think Miranda is blinded by success and wants her guy to meet her definition of success: be wealthy, have a "serious" job and so on. She dates such guys but they disappoint her, they simply can't be there for her. On the contrary, Steve is there for her and as she seems to like it but still she has an attitude of superiority towards him. If you think that someone is not on your level - be honest, find someone else, don't try to shape the guy into something he is not. But Miranda continues relationship with Steve instead.

[@knitwitchpgh]

Steve isnt there for here. One speed bump and he bitched out and ran because he couldnt just wear his gold corduroy suit. Steve pushed into her personal space and essentially forced himself into the relationship. Miranda is flawed but steve is a manipulative manchild. THE MAN CANT EVEN MAKE HIS ASS HOLE CLEAN ENOUGH TO NOT LEAVE SKID MARKS. WIPE YOUR BUTTHOLE MY DUDE. Steve needs to be sent to the island of entitled yet childish men.

[@caseyw.6550]

PICK ME ALERT! Best of luck!

[@soonsims]

Bafoon😂😂