The BPD Bunch: S2E 1 - BPD Diagnosis Stories

Xannie, Alex, Darren, Sophie, Georgette and Mo tell the stories of how they were diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. The Bunch chat about what it felt like to find out they had BPD, what they learned from the experience, and how they might approach seeking a diagnosis differently, knowing what they know now.
Support us: patreon.com/thebpdbunch
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Recovery resources:
DBT and Me podcast: open.spotify.c...
Therapists in the Wild, DBT Skills Podcast: www.therapistsi...
DBT Skills Handbook by Fulton State Hospital: dbtselfhelp.we...
Now Matters Now, for managing painful emotions: nowmattersnow.org
www.verywellmi...
www.mcleanhosp...
www.borderline...
eggshelltherap...
www.bbrfoundat...
porcupinelove.com
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Want to know more about this week’s cast? Check out their 1-1 interviews here:
Xannie: • Meet the BPD Bunch - X...
Alex: • Meet the BPD Bunch - Alex
Darren: • Meet the BPD Bunch - D...
Sophie: • Meet the BPD Bunch -So...
Georgette: • Meet the BPD Bunch - G...
Mo: • Meet the BPD Bunch - Mo
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About Us:
The BPD bunch is a weekly KZbin talk show, featuring a panel of people who are in functional recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder. Each week we discuss BPD-related topics to help give you insights into the different ways BPD can be expressed in someone’s life. We also cover the different paths we followed on our recovery journeys to give you hope and direction for your own ❤️ Thank you for being on this journey of healing with us!
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Disclaimer:
Although several of our panelists work in the mental health field, we are all coming to you as people in functional recovery from BPD, and are not here to provide professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.
Instead, we hope that by sharing our stories and what was helpful for us, you can gain some insight and direction into your own recovery ❤️‍🩹

[@jenniferlake8348]

I was just diagnosed at 52. It is both a relief and frightening at the same time. I clearly see this has been my life for as long as I can remember.

[@jenniferlake8348]

I am also in school for Advanced Behavioral Sciences, working toward my Master's to be a therapist someday to help people like us. I would love to be a guest sometime.

[@alphadog3384]

​@@jenniferlake8348 read your updated hope your doing well?

[@dominiquegray3494]

I am 62, undiagnosed. Today, my black dog is hanging closely, by. I'm so pissed that my happy natural self, has been kicked out once again and replaced by an unrecognizable, desperate, frustrated, guilt-ridden, exhausted, empty menace.♡

[@eclispedessence]

I've been diagnosed with BPD three times, yet other people in my life say I am too "shy," "sweet," and "calm" to truly have the condition. For some context, I also experience debilitating social anxiety, which is what feeds into this "innocent little lamb" image. I hate it. They have NO idea what I experience behind closed doors. They have NO idea what I experience when I'm not going to extreme lengths to keep the mask up. Worst of all, though, I am so vulnerable to other people's opinions of me, I tend to internalize them. This screws up my self-concept beyond belief. I wonder: What if they're right? What if I don't really have it? What if I'm faking? From there on out, I start spiraling. It feels like a double life, genuinely. Like I'm only capable of two extremes: being a deer in the headlights goody two shoes who agrees with everything everyone says and never stirs the pot, OR wreaking havoc and constantly having meltdowns and feeling like trash. I haven't met very many people who experience both conditions simultaneously (and yes, I have diagnosed social anxiety disorder, too) so it's near impossible to find experiences mirroring mine.

[@poeticsoul2012]

I relate to this SO HARD!!! You are not alone ❤❤

[@eclispedessence]

@@poeticsoul2012 🩷🩷🩷

[@rachaelcaruso7096]

@@poeticsoul2012Me too!!

[@zentzu4003]

I think I have both, they are the only two conditions I’ve ever related too, especially when I hear people give first person accounts I remember doing social exposure therapy for the social anxiety, no hope after two years, realising that I cannot get over this because my rejection sensitivity and impulsive anger are too high that if I manage to push myself through the anxiety enough and someone harshly publicly rejects me I’m afraid my sensitive angry side will rear it’s head and I will have an impulsive angry meltdown in public I also find myself doubting and questioning everything, so much so that when I see therapists I will just agree with them even if I disagree, as a result I’ve never had a diagnosis but I’m too afraid to speak up since I might go into an impulsive rage on rejection thanks for the comment

[@caught_on_cam]

There is a "quite"-type BPD . I would look into the different styles/types of BPD and see if one of them you can relate to

[@ray-of-august]

I love how they don't interrupt each other, it's a calm conversation. watching this video was a very emotional experience for me.

[@Jessie-bo9mo]

Thank you all for being vulnerable and sharing your stories! I’m 30 years old and was diagnosed with BPD in November 2021. I’m still learning about BPD and how to healthily cope with my symptoms. 🙏❤️ You are all lovely people!

[@svenfredriksson6142]

The UK’s approach to psychiatric conditions is severely lacking in knowledge, support, and diagnosis. I’m 49, and I’ve struggled with brain fog due to C-PTSD for my entire life. At 15, I spoke to a doctor about it, but they dismissed my concerns, telling me it was nothing and would pass, despite the fact that I had previously mentioned suicidal thoughts. Over the years, this lack of proper support has cost me incredible career opportunities, damaged relationships, and led me on a 12-year quest to understand what was happening. I’ve spent thousands on private care, testing, and alternative treatments, yet for the past 7 years, despite repeatedly pleading for help from local doctors, I am still waiting for a diagnosis. I’ve done everything I can to support myself, yet the system has failed me. It’s devastating. In contrast, therapy is widely accepted and relatively advanced in places like the US, while here in the UK, it sometimes feels like we’ve only just moved past prescribing leeches! If anyone in the UK can recommend a therapist, please let me know!

[@rorydoyle7636]

the “you just have adhd” hit me so hard. i finally was diagnosed with BorderPolar and the amount of relief when i had that it’s not all adhd was insane!

[@xannibelle]

32:15 Sophie!!! I feel this so hard - gravitating towards the people who will invalidate our experiences. So proud of you for sharing that vulnerable moment ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@weareone5768]

“We can’t tell her because she’ll make it her whole identity” WHAT. I may very well do so but you not telling me just makes me wanna fuckin slam my head into the wall just- lol.

[@kellwarren]

I was so excited for season 2! I was up all night and couldn't sleep. I finally got tired at 10am. Just as I was about to sleep I saw this drop. I couldn't sleep until I watched it 😄

[@jainkunal88]

I don’t know if I should be putting this story out here but, since people have shared so many of their vulnerabilities, so be it I guess. I was 19, first year of my senior college all ready to take over the world with the dreams of becoming an architect and a writer. I had no idea that I had BPD and always shrugged off my mood swings as ‘one of those things teenagers go through until their hormones stabilise’ so deal with it for a while. Met a girl, fell in love, idealised her to the point where I couldn’t differentiate between our relationship and the ones that were portrayed on screen or in books. Be it Joel-Clementine from Eternal Sunshine or Mal and Cob from Inception or Joker-Harley from the cartoons, role play felt like reality. She had started to notice that there was something odd about me and said that she could never really figure out who I was or what my values were as a person. Again, I brushed it off like an idiot by quoting the “be water my friend” Bruce Lee speech. Little did I know what was about to come. We both used to read a lot and my mood and personality was entirely dependent on the kind of stuff that I was consuming without me even realising it. AND THEN! One fine day I pick up a book called ‘Crime and Punishment’ written 150 years ago by a retard named Fyodor Dostoevsky. 300 pages in and I start to realise that Wow! Raskolnikov really makes sense. Maybe killing that old money lender woman for the benefit of the society is the right thing to do. It is rational after all, isn’t it? Putting her out of her misery and suffering and using her money to educate myself and get my sister out of prostitution? Yeah! All it takes is courage to do the right thing! Go for it! Kill her. Wait.. Did I just justify murder? If I can relate with him so much, am I capable of murder as well? Who am I anyway? What are my real values? Are values really real? Does right or wrong really exist? God! I think I am a psychopath. I think I am a danger to society! I think I am a danger to my girlfriend and everyone around me. My heart is about to explode. I need to do something about this before things go haywire! I was so terrified and clueless that the only thing that came to my mind was meeting my girlfriend (even if we had had a lot of fights and arguments recently) and asking her to take me to the hospital. I drove 25 kilometres and knocked on her door at 11 o’clock at night only to find her mother telling me that she wasn’t home. I collapsed and had a mental break down. The only thing that came out of my mouth was “You need to arrest me. I have killed a child. I should not be alive! I should not be alive!” Her mother calmed me down and asked me if I was on any kind of medication and called my parents. Ended up at a neuropsychiatrist’s office with a BPD diagnosis. Scared her and her family to death. Never heard from her again. Wish I could get a closure and clarify a few things about the nature of my madness. Life is unfair I guess.

[@Truthseeker7771000]

I believe I have BPD it's a hard pill to swallow I just subscribe I'll be going to my first counseling session the first or February in the new state I live in. I always suspect one of my parents more so my dad has npd

[@thebpdbunch]

Welcome! Best of luck on your first counseling session 😍

[@helenedutranois5103]

I am so glad to hear about other experiences of BPD. It puts mine in perspective.

[@TraiceeDias]

just found this channel! I was diagnosed when I was 15 and knew nothing about it. Sucks how badly it gets misconstrued and judged. I wish the 4 sub types were spoken about way more too xx

[@tadams2tone]

I know there's a stigma, but frankly, by the time I was diagnosed, I really didn't give a FLYING fuck. I actually was able to diagnose myself after decades of misdiagnoses and maltreatment at the hands of the mental health system. Then went to Center for Evidence Based Treatment in Ohio. They confirmed my suspicions and enrolled me in intensive DBT. Having a framework wherein I can identify symptoms and cycles has helped immensely and I couldn't be more happy with my choice of treatment center. I know this is sorta a necro, but keep it going guys

[@cocomami95]

Wow I'm so relieved to have found a video full of like minded individuals sharing their stories. I just got my diagnosis yesterday. Feeling hopeful to manage this disorder with support groups like this.

[@jds3656]

The BPD words made me very scared months ago. Or any mental health diagnosis as i pictured a padded cell and being cut off from everyone I know and being dosed up with medications to keep me sedated. That was my biggest fear. But that fear and judgement has gone now and I have more compassion for myself but I don’t have a diagnosis for myself but I think maybe I should get one 😢

[@somegirlontheinternet1202]

These stories are so relatable and validating. Thank you for sharing.

[@thebpdbunch]

You are so welcome!

[@alexlesane8672]

I was hospitalized for the thousandth time it seemed and they diagnosed me with BPD but didn’t explain it at all really. So it’s untreated to this day and that was years ago.

[@lornaelizabeth6290]

I am 42 and have come to realise I have pbd. I have really enjoyed your channel. I am binge watching and in therapy finally. For the last 3/4 years I have reallly known something was wrong but did my own research and thought I was codependent. Well it all goes hand in hand too! Thank you for sharing awareness and truths with us. ❤ it’s because I am in perimenopause, my symptoms have worsened. High functioning here, due to having my first child at 16 and having to be super responsible. All my relationships have been dysfunctional…

[@jds3656]

I want to send you all so much compassion for your courage and honesty xx

[@yomijam7712]

I am so grateful for having come across this channel. I was recently diagnosed with bpd and feel so relieved that I am not the only one going through this. ❤ I am looking forward to learning more and happy to know there is treatment for this.

[@coyenchantments]

I love this show so much you all help me understand my symptoms and life experiences and it is so priceless. I can't thank you enough for making this.

[@bpdrave]

Love the new intro music❤️

[@LoisCK]

Thank you this is an enormous contribution to others who need to know they are not alone. I will be prescribing it as a resource to people with BPD.

[@SarahBoyd002]

I have just been diagnosed. This was heaps helpful. Just what i was looking for thank you ❤🙏🏻

[@ilissakaufman639]

thank you so much for sharing your stories!

[@cryokitty44]

Finally got my BPD diagnosis at 40 years old, it took me finally reserching it myself and going to my therapist and psychologist with notes to finally get it.

[@Dd94949]

It's really helpful to listen to you all speak so clearly and with such maturity about this. Sincere gratitude to you.

[@kps04j]

Has anyone watched Dr. Fox videos? He seems to be an amazing resource!

[@alphadog3384]

Absolutely, Dr. Fox is a great resource.

[@rachaelcaruso7096]

I love him too

[@neiljgould]

Brilliant, so helpful 🎉

[@adamhumphrey4084]

So many great things said and so many unique stories. I think this is amazing! Thank you for making and sharing.

[@thebpdbunch]

Glad you enjoyed it!

[@joemerlin152]

Its amazing how many misdiagnosise there are yet we're constantly being told you can't self diagnosis yourself🤦 I really wish they pushed further when I was a kid and didn't stop at the bp2 unspecified and kept digging.

[@ГульнараСоколова-ш6в]

It’s manageable. Give yourself time.

[@missjennauk]

i have gender dysphoria and i have bpd .....i was diagnosed in 2019 and still trying to get help...why is it so hard to get help in the uk?

[@Niknoodle1221]

Because the Tories decimated the mental health sector of the nhs. 😢

[@oscarcom4539]

What hurts me the most about having BPD is the fact that people around you want to be like you....except for you 😢.

[@danab172]

Please do a video on petulant

[@QuantumThoughts69]

Is it common for people with BPD to not tell their counsellor about certain traits or behaviours in order to avoid a BPD diagnosis? Are counsellors commonly good at spotting BPD or is that beyond the average counsellor and a psychiatrist a much better option?

[@DestinyA83]

I diagnosed my daughter with petulant/poss. Discourage BPD lol I'm not a health care professional but after extensive research and taking 5 different tests/quiz/questionnaire things they all have concluded she does in fact have some type of it. 😕 EDIT She's almost 20

[@Roswell33]

Autism (and AuDHD) in women and BPD are often mixed up so I'm interested in how people differentiate the two - or diagnose both - because there's a lot of misdiagnosis going around and deferring to an 'expert' when so little is understood about these things just doesn't seem like a good idea. I trained as a therapist - not a diagnostician as currently thats not something I'm wanting to do - but I didn't learn anything about Autism/Autism in females at all as part of my multiple qualifications - to the point that I found out I'm Autistic after having Autistic clients - about 15 years later!!

[@Roswell33]

I mentioned this before someone mentioned ADHD in the vid so this is interesting haha

[@Sidrasvoice]

I love this podcast and I love the diversity shown it’s very hard (still) for POC to feel validated in struggling with a mental illness especially BPD. Whereas white people are always advantaged with the bias of rehabilitation and clinical solutions, some POC such as black, Latino and indigenous communities are never given the validation because their own communities stigmatize it so much and since those communities are more in survival mode it sometimes leads to different outcomes such as criminalization instead of rehabilitation. Being from a “model minority” community like Asian or south Asian such as mine, people straight out dismiss mental illness since we seem so academic, educated and well put together. Each has a struggle of its own but it’s very painful to be invisible because “you’re not allowed to have first world problems” essentially… Then to be from

[@DestinyA83]

It makes me pretty disgusted that so many healthcare people don't listen to their patients.

[@alphadog3384]

Found this group searching You Tube, any new videos in 2024?

[@thebpdbunch]

Yep! We post 2 seasons every year, with shorts and mini episodes in between seasons. If you go to to our videos tab and have it set to "latest" you'll see our most recent uploads!

[@alphadog3384]

@@thebpdbunch I really enjoyed listening to how everyone got their diagnosis. I was diagnosed back in the early 1980s. I remember a psychiatrist saying don't share your diagnosis. Fast forward l'm wondering about aging and or burn out. Love to hear about any research or aging BPD. Thank you.

[@alphadog3384]

Has anyone seen the movie: Lies my sister told me. Watching the movie now.

[@janicemalo2229]

My adult children gets into very emotional triggered moments and consistently takes out her extreme emotions on me through vrry hurtful words. She is to upset and gets triggered because she wants me to validate all her stories she tells me and i know for a fact they are not true. Now she is just so upset that she won't speak to me. When she does, all she does is throw out very hurtful words. Is this a "nornal" action of someone with bpd

[@noBodyuNope]

I am wondering if anyone has experienced intergenerational BPD? 😢💔

[@PricelessJesus]

The Brady bunch 😅😅. Hugs tho i have bpd

[@isaacmalown7003]

It's the trauma. Also the herpes.

[@JeffreyWilliams-dr7qe]

Is this a joke? A parody not pulled off. BPD makes sense!

[@GaryWilliams-xo9cx]

4 women and 1 man , na bpd doesn’t work like that, overcome bpd huh you drunk

[@thebpdbunch]

I’m sorry, I don’t understand your comment! Are you saying that BPD is not represented in the demographics present, or are you saying BPD cannot be overcome? 🤔

[@GaryWilliams-xo9cx]

@@thebpdbunch im saying ive had it for my whole life , spent 9 years with my local mental health clinic and now my emotional unstable borderline personality disorder is worse than its ever been perhaps some can be saved but my anger self harming has got me into a lot of trouble and i cannot control it and i hate being around others, i never judge but watching others i feel everyone in there own way will and do crash every now and then, good luck 🤞

[@jenniferb3200]

Sophie sounds like she is a victim of trauma and may be experiencing PTSD, rather than or in relation with, BPD. JMO