Brandon's Cult Movie Reviews: QUEEN KONG

[@trailersic]

As a British person I have to say, THIS ISN'T A BRITISH FILM! It's a German production, with an Italian writer who hired English actors to imitate late 70s British sex comedies. I'll take responsibility for a lot of things, but not this. It also explains why none of the humor makes sense.

[@michaelccozens]

Eh, I've seen other lazy-ass British productions, and the "humour" here is right in-line with the dreck on offer there (and I love quality British humour). Also, by those standards, the Royal Family isn't British, but they're still on your money.

[@chonchjohnch]

@@michaelccozens shhhh don’t tell him that he’ll get mad

[@kaijukid1443]

That…explains SO much.

[@angryboi595]

Yep, so we don’t even have our own King Kong, well, we do have our own Godzilla Gorgo

[@sliat1981]

And lord of the rings isn’t a New Zealand film. It’s a Hollywood production. New Zealanders want to delude themselves that they had a picture that won best picture

[@MultiPolarWorldCo-op]

She’s the queenie for my wennie is how I’m going to introduce my gf from now on.

[@johnrau2265]

That could make for a short relationship.

[@drfr0stii704]

Lol, she’ll take that one way or the other.

[@jhoughjr1]

texting that to my ex gf right now. it will make her see the light.

[@cory6266]

So how is single life treating you?

[@Male_46_Is_Bored_EDITZ]

no tha twould be ashort thing

[@Irondrone4]

"So that's gorilla warfare!" My brain shrank three sizes that day.

[@judasnancy]

more like a love triangle than a guerilla warfare

[@johnbockelie3899]

The bird scene should apologize to " The land that time forgot " .

[@dragonkingeeveegen1484]

Hay I actually thought that was a fun joke

[@finleycorbin8596]

InstaBlaster...

[@christianwalters836]

here lies our brains

[@deanklakoski6469]

That "Love at first duurrrrr" line was perfection

[@kidnostalgia]

I watched this about a year ago and tweeted at Robin Askwith about it. He actually responded saying "you're beyond help." Marvelous.

[@foreignroninl1555]

17:04. "It's only a model." I couldn't resist a Monty Python reference.

[@morningcoffeecat2271]

NickySHedgehog16 London is a rather silly place

[@halothere6995]

None shall make shitty guerrilla warfare puns!

[@Snapshot_the_Mad_Hatter]

“In other news, there’s a King Kong musical?!?” Sméagol: Not anymore....

[@Derek_Smallshorts]

In fairness, Rula Lenska rocks some pretty fucking awesome outfits in this movie.

[@get2rog]

+Derek Smallshorts Not to mention rocking it in "Rock Follies".

[@michaelccozens]

Given the level of effort put into this movie, I'm gonna guess those were her outfits. Still worthy of credit, but for the actor, not the production.

[@ShamrockParticle]

She managed to do pretty well with THAT material too!

[@MattHawes]

The singing nun in both this film and "Airplane" was a parody of the singing nun played by Helen Reddy in "Airport 75." Great review, Brandon. I will have to track down this film, being a fan of King Kong. It's bad, but it looks like the right kind of bad.

[@MattHawes]

BTW, here is the scene with Helen Reddy from "Airport 75": kzbin.info/www/bejne/oamyYZeNr5KGqMk

[@Tareltonlives]

At least it had CONTEXT in Airplane

[@ShamrockParticle]

I'm positive that Brandon's review is the better of the two but I'll be checking the full movie out. I've sat through enough sub-par Carry On films that there's no way QK is worse!

[@Lee-Darin]

Except in AIRPLANE! You had a singing Stewardess and a nun.

[@DarthBobCat]

At first, I thought the hook on the pterosaur's hook leg was a funny detail. Just a little bit of absurdist whimsy to make it more visually interesting. I was like, "Huh, that's at least creative." Then I realized they had it so that they didn't have to make a scale model of his leg and could instead just use a big metal hook they had lying around. FOR SHAME, MOVIE. I was almost ready to give you praise!

[@ravenstromdans]

Ray was the first evidence of "Death By SNU SNU!"

[@courtneywoodbury5198]

I have a confession: I...I get a total kick out of the line 'she's the queenie for my weenie'. I know it has no place in a professionally made movie but I love it in a 'written by a 5 year old' kind of way.

[@JoeScaramanga]

It's so refreshing to have someone from the other side of the Atlantic trying to get their head around the concept of Robin Askwith. Personally, I think he's a legend who doesn't take himself seriously, and by all accounts is a lovely bloke. But his outrageous popularity in the UK is the stuff books could be written about.

[@soundwavegamer2321]

The movie can be summed up with these four lines “Death.” “*gasp*” “By snu snu.” “Yay”

[@greenman5255]

The nun singing to the little girl was ripping off "Airport 1975" which came out in 1974. "Airplane" (1980) was spoofing the same scene...infinitely better.

[@Llewellyn2844]

The "Liberated Lady" song is actually pretty catchy.

[@jayryman5310]

The Music was catchy, the Actual Lyrics were annoying

[@clarioncallwithcarmelita3732]

O

[@rgeiler7627]

Can you imagine being in the water with an aggressive shark, and as you yell for help, you see the person in the boat rotating their hips in rhythm to a sub par disco song?

[@DeepEye1994]

Johnny Bravo did this better.

[@elperrodelautumo7511]

Johnny bravo is a classic

[@waynechapman9823]

The singing nun was a nod to Helen Reddy's role in "Airport 1975," which "Airplane" also spoofed.

[@justinperry2598]

Wow, that shitty joke that had no reason or context to be in this movie now makes a lot more sense. Thanks!

[@cameronsaid]

Australia was were the British dumped their prisoners before it was an actual country

[@piplup2009]

and their insect problem

[@Rage_Harder_Then_Relax]

@Stephen Murphy That's where the Brits got it arse up. Instead of moving to a beautiful, warm, full of potential country, they stayed where they were. In a cold, overcast, over populated pig sty. Tell us again which one's were the vermin? Interesting to know where you come from....More interesting to know if you're actually brave enough to say so....

[@dinoduelist2219]

Britain might be a shit place to live but at least the bushes dont cause pain so bad suicide is the better option

[@j.e.pouccoui3]

So Were Other Former British Colonies, Like The USA & South Africa.

[@WillieManga]

So the joke is that no British person has been there, reportedly, but they... technically have, since they're Australians. So... irony?

[@Loopcats]

"Now I know what the Asylum version of King Kong vs. Godzilla would look like." You predicted the movie Asylum's Ape vs. Lizard by six years!

[@irisius7551]

q u e e n i e f o r m y w e e n i e

[@charlesgrybosky1916]

Must remember not to drink soda when I watch these videos. It ends up coming out through my nose after lines like this one...

[@dowjones5981]

Needs to be on a T-Shirt!!

[@UltramanTiga96]

Just when you think the Ghostbusters(2016) was actually a alternate universe of Ghostbusters, watch this movie and you'll be thankful that Ghostbusters is nothing like this movie.

[@right-wing_reactionarychri8798]

Both are horrible. Feminism 🤮

[@jacobburt1523]

@@right-wing_reactionarychri8798 the username checks out.

[@NebLleb]

@@jacobburt1523 Yeah, Ghostbusters 2016 is a shitty comedy with misandrist messaging (NOT "feminism" as reactionaries will claim) in failed attempts to differentiate itself from the original and Queen Kong is a proto-Seltzerberg film, complete with spontaneous musical numbers. The two are nothing alike and shouldn't be compared with eachother.

[@madcelt1792]

Some films simply don't need to be made. This is one of them.

[@LaurentiuBadea]

Ha, Brandon just aknowledged that he looks like Dexter.

[@justindenney-hall5875]

I don't see it.

[@TheKyrix82]

I still say he looks like Mark Hamil

[@GODCONVOYPRIME]

Oh yeah, he does look like Obi-Wan's friend from attack of the clones who owns a diner on Coruscant! g.co/kgs/3CKS1B It's the jaw line.

[@talesfromthenuzlocke1619]

As Pooped By Anakin Skywalker Well, whaddya know! A Canadian saberdart!

[@WillieManga]

That's kinda a running gag on his channel.

[@justinperry2598]

That "Que Sera, Sera" joke gave me a headache... and then I got to "So that's gorilla warfare" and now I wanna die.

[@marqsee7948]

laughing?

[@justinperry2598]

@@marqsee7948 since I have taste, no.

[@fromthecheapseats7126]

@@marqsee7948Only if it’s the same way victims of Joker gas die laughing.

[@Cdr2002]

5:00, WTF, no one said this would be a musical!

[@gmastercool695]

Carlos D Rodriguez an bad one very bad

[@Jolar70]

I love that the cinematographer demanded the lens be fogged with a thick layer of 70's Euro-softcore vaseline, which undercuts the jokes EVEN more!!!

[@misterprickly]

I'd love to see a "Queen Kong vs Gorgo" movie.

[@inuyasha1389]

Gorgo would just jump kick her

[@Dino10Boy]

Misterprickly Queen Kong would win because it would be like 1962s King Kong vs Godzilla.

[@ZyanyaM25]

😭

[@slendymann2647]

Misterprickly The year before or after the knock-off A*P E was made.

[@TheOne-mx4xt]

Misterprickly 

[@BioGoji-zm5ph]

This is a movie that you must see in order to DISBELIEVE it. I know it doesn't make any sense, but that's how this movie is making my brain feel.

[@ninjabreadman8166]

Christ, this was like a movie made by Seltzer and Friedberg, but in the 70s...

[@TECHNOIR]

Robin Askwith is a living legend in the U.K., he is a genuinely funny guy and does a smattering of public appearances the length and breadth of the country where no doubt, he will regale you with tales of this absolute arse of a movie. He could have been a serious actor, worked with Passolini and the lovely Lindsay Anderson twice I think, he played a schoolboy in ‘If’. Apparently he did this for the money and why not? He is a British institution, would love to meet him. Great vid Brandon. You do realise more people have seen your review than have seen Queen Kong:)

[@asafisher2461]

The joke is that most people who live in Australia came from England

[@magazinekitchen]

If that was the reason for the joke, simply that they were originally from England, why would they be afraid to go there? I'd wager it has more to do with the fact that it Australia was once a penal colony where England shipped its criminals.

[@AricOfFornburg]

magazinekitchen yea, the second part.....I, uh, think....

[@freman2413]

@@magazinekitchen it's probably just surreal humor

[@sassythesasquatch1571]

@@magazinekitchen "penal colony" sounds like a gay bar name.....I call dibs

[@justinperry2598]

@@freman2413 Monty Python and Fry & Laurie are surreal humor. This is ass.

[@orciss474]

this is like watching a rule 63 version of the movie

[@MinscFromBaldursGate92]

That's the joke.

[@jackbuchanan9085]

Great Review. Totally worth the wait. Can't wait for Konga and Mighty Gorga. XD

[@quartermaster19k]

Still trying to process what has been seen.

[@garlandraines1855]

This review is one of my favorites! Brandon made even this stinkbomb fun to hear about!

[@ShamrockParticle]

+1

[@jorahtheexplorer3262]

The Goodies (contemporaries of the Pythons, who actually went to uni with many of the pythons) did a monster bagpipes gag - it was a spider that made you do ghe highland jig until you died

[@Hewylewis]

Actually, there are TWO Kong Musicals. Look up The Mighty Kong.

[@jetfire851]

Believe it or not, there's three of them: the 2013 version, The Mighty Kong, and Censored Scenes from King Kong (starring Carrie Fisher and the pedo dad from 7th Heaven).

[@Hewylewis]

Doug Glassman Carrie Fisher was in a King Kong movie?!

[@jetfire851]

Hewylewis No, it's weirder--it's a King Kong stage show that doesn't even really feature him.

[@Hewylewis]

Doug Glassman oh.

[@WillieManga]

Three if you count Donkey Kong Country. You probably don't, but that's not the point. Actually, the point is that I'd rather watch that.

[@KaijuCommander]

Is there anything worse than a parody of a great film that isn't even funny? I'm sure there is, but I'm not sure I'd want to know XD Nice review man, the "Trynasauropticus" line made my inner paleontologist wince in pain >_

[@BioGoji-zm5ph]

"Is there anything worse than a parody of a great film that isn't even funny? I'm sure there is, but I'm not sure I'd want to know." A porno without any porn?

[@fromthecheapseats7126]

@@BioGoji-zm5phSo, “Hobgoblins.”

[@Headbehindthebubble]

God!! Im not surprised Lenska and Askwith were ashamed to be in this. Looking at this makes me ashamed to be British ;-)

[@andrewgan832]

they make all the sane man and woman look bad. like they make fun of the women that all of them were "independent" which turns out they were still chained. and all menn were pigs and dogs in human form.

[@lordinquisitor6233]

Matthew Brown it makes me ashamed as a Brit too

[@michaelccozens]

You should probably avoid reading any British history then, lol!

[@char1737]

Yes Beyond the Vally of The Dolls ! That is a great movie !

[@thomashauguel6811]

You can NEVER go wrong with a good Benny Hill gag! Rest in Peace, Mr. Hill. We miss you and your silliness!

[@sandrawatson5404]

10:25 the Asylum's version of king kong vs godzilla that age well

[@Guyverman01]

Why not review Turkish Star Trek next in honor of Leonard Nimoy?

[@DanteSolablood]

Someone having a Twitter handle 28 years before Twitter opened is impressive...let alone 16 years before we got the internet. :D

[@DarthBobCat]

Here's a question: have you considered doing the 1976 King Kong movie itself? My understanding of it is that it'd be worth a good riffing.

[@jayryman5310]

I like that movie, and I STILL agree

[@Tareltonlives]

Second the suggestion!

[@alienonlsd3209]

good riff idea though beyond nixing the dinosaurs (which is a valid complaint) I dont get why that one is hated by kong fans

[@Lee-Darin]

I third the motion

[@fromthecheapseats7126]

@@alienonlsd3209It was made in the 70s. That’s reason enough.

[@MondoConnie]

This is brilliant. I'm speechless.

[@peterparker6584]

I thought this would've been king Kong wearing a dress. Given this was called. Queen Kong.

[@liambishop496]

I used to work at a cat shelter and there was actually a cat there named Queenie. Hopefully it wasn't named after this movie.

[@rubenmartinez4781]

Okay, I think I can explain the Australian joke. You see, apparently, Australia was once a prison continent where the British sent criminals to before those criminals built a civilization there. So to the lead male actor, he was scared because they were going to a mass incarceration facility filled with crazies. That might explain the fuck out Australia, now that I think about it...

[@sliat1981]

ACTUALLY America was used as a prison colony for years before Australia. The reason being that Australians don’t like the British much. Look at the movie “The adventures of Barry Mackenzie.”

[@harper277]

Robin Askwith is a legend.

[@ireallylovepie]

The Durrr gag is still funny. It still has me cracking up!

[@ChucksParanormal]

I give you 100% major kudos for watching this movie and then doing a review on it. I think I would have burned the DVD 10 minutes in. Reminds me of a movie my friends and I watched when we were in our teens - "Double Agent 73". We thought it would be a great nudie movie to watch, turned out one of the most awful films we ever saw. Cheesy jokes, horrilble plot and other just dumb stuff. Major kudos again for sitting through crap like this to give us a great review!

[@ChucksParanormal]

Yeah I remember watching 73 all the way to the end only because it was so bad and we paid for the rental, I had to see how it would end. Though I did like the music from the movie, that had a good "secret agent" feel to it. From the looks of Queen Kong, about 10 mins and that would have been it with no morbid curiosity how it end, lol.

[@forfluf]

This may sound odd but Queen Kong looks cute.

[@andrewgan832]

that's why if you want to scare a pervert, a chauvanist pig and a feminist. you need a "man above all men" type of man.

[@fromthecheapseats7126]

Please tell me you mean cute like a teddy bear.

[@forfluf]

@@fromthecheapseats7126 Like an artist drawing hearts bubbling around the character cute.

[@SuperDevilDoctor]

Another fun review! (And Brandon takes the bullet so we don't have to.) BTW: The "Singing Nun" in this movie (Linda Hayden) is far more appealing -- and much less clothed -- in THE BLOOD ON SATAN'S CLAW (1971). QUEEN KONG co-writer Frank Agrama is the director of DAWN OF THE MUMMY (1981)... which, no surprise, is also really, really bad.

[@zeeppo_the_clown]

The prehistoric Bag Pipe bit is a reference to the song Loch Lomond

[@TallSilentGuy]

12:27 The one and only time in the movie when I laughed was when Ray froze in mid-fall to deliver a fourth wall joke. And yes, I had joints.

[@michaelccozens]

That could have been a great over-the-top absurd moment, but they gave him the laziest joke to deliver, and it wasn't even apropos. It's like they had some guy off the street literally writing gags off the top of their head seconds before they rolled.

[@MistahBryan]

@16:04, Oh cheer up Viggo Mortensen, only 25 more years till you can run around the countryside with a Dwarf and an Elf.

[@tvmasterc]

Actually the singing nun gag came from the movie 'Airport '75" where the late Helen Reddy played the nun.

[@VonWenk]

I was momentarily excited when I saw in the credits Rula Lenska, Valerie Leon, and Linda Hayden. When Lenska was playing a "famous actress" in (I think) shampoo commercials, I didn't realize she was actually in movies.

[@dwaynehendrickson8854]

The nun singing on the airplane is a spoof of Airport ‘75 where Helen Reddy played a nun

[@victorm152]

10:47 If Monty Python had made this movie instead, maybe it would've actually been good.

[@jrny20]

I think the appropriate joke to play with the singing nun in would be a clip from family guy. More specifically, the one where Peter is Death for a day; and girl scouts are singing "I like being alive."

[@KyleRobots]

To steal a joke from Rifftrax; "Sure, it falls flat in our language, but if we spoke the language, we'd be laughing!" "...but this was filmed in English!" "IT WAS?!"

[@fromthecheapseats7126]

What RiffTrax movie is that from?

[@SirVentofLord]

Brandon I'm so glad your channel is back. Your work is awesome! Thank you so much for all your videos.

[@clownprince88]

Hilarious and entertaining yet again. Had me in hysterics, especially the The Ape gesture .

[@twoface2937]

YES YES YES I ALWAYS WANTED U TO REVIEW THIS

[@Dinossword]

What dinosaur? Did he say? 10:01 And right back at you. 19:20

[@weoroa9330]

A Ginosauroptokus?

[@brandoncruz2162]

It's a Daspletosaurus, Yes! I found one, I found one, The first Daspleto on film!

[@Dinossword]

@@brandoncruz2162 Wait... what?!

[@brandoncruz2162]

@@Dinossword, A Daspletosaurus. It's a theropod relative of the T-Rex.

[@Dinossword]

@@brandoncruz2162 Sure about it?

[@dinnubhai69]

dexter morgan stopped killing and started reviewing cult movies...

[@kingrahzar9351]

Review the 1976 king kong, mighty gorga, mighty joe young, king kong from 2005, king kong lives, kong vs godzilla, son of kong

[@callnight1441]

"do you mean gorilla or ape?"...uhm, a gorilla is an ape...

[@FireFox64000000]

You know it's a bad movie when the theme song starts implying beastiality.

[@joethehero2]

Galvatron: This is bad comedy.

[@maxbrandt6]

Robin Askwith looks like a discount Peter Noon.

[@JoelandtheBots]

Actually, the "singing nun" trope was used in Airport '75, which Airplane was mocking.

[@SlapstickGenius23]

Queen Kong, by the infamous Frank Agrama of Robotech fame.

[@heymistercarter.]

3:08 I"m sorry, WHAT????

[@Tareltonlives]

The Legend of the Dinosaurs Pterosaur music will NEVER get old 14:29 Do the Dr Zaius song!

[@olgagarcia1160]

Man.the movie "queen kong "has got to be the badest king kong movie of all

[@Lee-Darin]

The Asylum version is called Ape vs Monster 😂😂😂

[@HeilRay]

3:05 This feels like something you’d hear from Harvey Birdman.

[@fromthecheapseats7126]

The Seltzer and Freidberg comparison is apt. I would say that another appropriate comparison is “Velma,” though that of course didn’t exist when this video was made. The attempted jokes fall flat in a similar way that is both painful and insulting - “So that’s gorilla warfare” made me want to beat the screenwriter with a crowbar much like “What did SCOOBI do?” It also shows a similar level of disrespect for the source material, albeit in a slightly way - while “Velma” seems contemptuous of “Scooby-Doo” and its fans, seeming to wish they didn’t exist, this movie takes “King Kong” and its fans for granted as convenient material for lazy exploitation.

[@sigmacademy]

RIP Singing Nun. Now she's probably playing her 'tar with the heavenly choir?

[@belakor931]

Australians​ are actually descendants of British people

[@lennydale92]

They certainly share strong cultural ties too.

[@SuperSwordman1]

Well...the non-Aboriginal ones anyway

[@Bowiiihowdy]

British prisoners

[@ronniec8218]

And that's why King Kong is single now

[@gekkogamer8740]

0:00 As soon as this video starts he’s like: “Why must endure this torture? Why?!”

[@ryanangelastro504]

So what you’re saying is Robin Askwith is basically real life Austin Powers?

[@jessmorales4841]

Your jokes are so great in this one. Too much to go over 🤣

[@ShamrockParticle]

I've watched it about 7 times now and it's still as funny as the first time through and with any missed jokes becoming apparent.

[@victorm152]

13:02 by mentioning Caligula you are now obliged to review Caligula with Malcolm McDowell

[@ShouAlias-io7ud]

I'm not the only one who thinks that's John Phillip Law in the opening scene, right? If not, it's a convincing lookalike.

[@lwrider10andhisstuff52]

The funny part when he said "so this is what the asylum version of king kong vs godzilla is" is because asylum now made a godzilla vs kong parody movie last year

[@Lee-Darin]

Wait WHAT!?

[@lwrider10andhisstuff52]

@@Lee-Darin yep they made it right after Godzilla vs Kong was done, and they thought to try making their own spin on it with their bad CGI lol 😆

[@Lee-Darin]

Why ain't these guys getting sued?

[@lwrider10andhisstuff52]

@@Lee-Darin heck all of us have been wondering that with their rip off movies, but it might either be to the point that they named it ape vs monster, which doesn't make sense on how they didn't get sued just for that obvious name and title cover or that the studios haven't gotten a word of it, plus on the other note they are making a sequel with ape vs Mecha ape which is definitely a full on king kong escapes ripoff, so they better be lucky toho doesn't find out about it or there definitely sued for sure

[@jollyrgr2854]

Thanks for the review. I've never even heard of Queen Kong, now I have to watch it. LOL

[@MforMovesets]

I tried resisting facepalming, but then the woman liberation front started singing "Bunga bunga." It hurts.

[@Tominatort69420]

Time traveler: kicks stone The timeline:

[@Sauron_Ghoul]

Elasmosaurus and rhamphonychus from legend of dinosaur and monster birds, gorgo vs queen kong.

[@JeffreyDeCristofaro]

Oh, the humanity! Might as well review Creature from the Haunted Sea or The Phantom from 10,000 Leagues just for a whiff of fresh air!

[@dominicthegamingnerd8650]

Did you get the crushed pelvis joke from futurerama?

[@KaijuRails54_Official]

Saw the kong musical LOVED IT!!!!!!

[@ericbonifield768]

I don't know why this guy is more popular. Fucking love this shit. I mean my perfect Sunday morning is coffee a little "wake and you know what" and this guy, either talking about the movies of my childhood or ( even better) introducing me to movies I've never even heard of. Love this fucking guy. I'd like to see him do a video on COMMANDER USA. I believe these two to be kindred spirits.