The #1 Abuse Tactic Used By Narcissists

In today's video Jill talks about the #1 Abuse Tactic that Narcissists use on victims. All narcissistic abusers and parental alienators use this abuse tactic.
Jill Wise, otherwise known as The Enlightened Target, is a life long survivor of narcissistic abuse. She was raised by a malignant narcissist and married to a malignant narcissist, she has endured years of parental alienation, has repeatedly been targeted by narcissists throughout her life. She has an intimate understanding of all aspects of narcissistic abuse and Cptsd. She uses her experience and what she has learned to help educate others and bring awareness to narcissistic abuse. She is also a Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coach and works with clients all over the world heal from the trauma of narcissistic abuse, parental alienation and Complex Ptsd.
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This channel is for educational purposes ONLY. today's video Jill talks about the top 5 signs it is time to leave the Narcissist. If you have struggled with knowing if you should stay or go, this video is for you.

[@rosettesionne9139]

Another popular tactic is accusing you of crimes you never commit to make you doubt yourself, provoking you to a point where you react and when you finally react to their provocation they use your reaction against you by abusing you more and blaming you for it and you find yourself APOLOGIZING to THEM. Truly crazy making

[@randycoolbaugh1408]

wish i could print this , make a thousand copies on sticky paper and post them everywhere I go !!! SPOT ON !!

[@randycoolbaugh1408]

ps. Been victimized of this tactic more than once!

[@williamchandler164]

Holy shit

[@Peanuts76]

this is the tactic that makes me mad, always asking while suspicious about this and that...

[@Peanuts76]

provoking through false accusations, it's maddening

[@BestInTheWest8]

Too bad these things don’t matter in court. They wanna see dead bodies before they do anything and don’t really care about mentally ruining someone😷

[@daviedood2503]

That...is fn scary man..bc it's true. It's like they beleive there's too many people anyways so meh, so a few 10 thousand expire ...more resources for everyone else. Very sad

[@marjorieprezioso4750]

Narcissist don't change! If they go to jail, it's your fault ... not their own.

[@brianwalsh1401]

That goes under the category of never taking responsibility for their behavior which is why they never change. Hero, victim or martyr for the narcissist.

[@pheart2381]

This is the one that remains behind closed doors. A lady recently stabbed her husband in the chest,then calmly told police she had had enough and that he was a bully. His friends were saying he was lovely,such a nice person,spoiled her. But who knows what was happening in private?

[@randycoolbaugh1408]

EXACTLY ! "they" are so two faced, "behind closed doors" way of spreading THEIR views and manipulative comments.

[@Yellow-Rose]

His "friends" were most likely his minions.

[@toddstark2412]

Or the lady was the controlling narcissist and lost it to narcissistic rage. That's more likely since the victims rarely get violent, they usually come to their senses and leave. Remember there's never a reason to hurt another human . so the one's that do are usually the predators

[@yaslizrivera8022]

Yes I agree the damage in the life is uncountable

[@brianwalsh1401]

It's probably the largest under reported health problem in the world because their is no black eye or smoking gun. It's death by a thousand cuts which turns the target into the walking dead until they can extricate themself.

[@AbbeyRoad74]

This is my mother 💯. I had to go no-contact 3 years ago this Christmas. She would utilise coercive control so much it felt inevitable and normal. I have no relationship with my father and sister - they are codependents. The rage and anger that dissipates to an innocent smile so that they make you look crazy. I’m trying to protect my children from her. My mother already started to tell my daughter that she is ugly and fat like me. That she loves my son more than her. My sister’s husband left her 11 years ago and remarried because of my mother’s toxicity. She has become my mother’s only friend and carer. She dresses her for work every day and she is 50! It is so sick.

[@sideswiped6874]

I'm sorry you have to live that!!! I know how you feel but not on such a high level. my case was a little more subtle. I was the scapegoat of a family of 6. I have learned to know the others could not have come threw what I did. I have come to pity them for losing the love and enjoyment I had for them! it took me a few years but I learned to pity them for that they can not understand that. but I will never let them in my life again because they are not good enough to be around my children. too bad for them. that is how you have to think about it. come to pity them but keep them accountable by keeping them away. always remember> that "they" have lost the best thing in life that you could have given them! and learn to pity them for that. after a while you will come to understand what I mean> it's not you that has lost, it is them that has lost. because it is you that is wonderful and full of love and understanding!!! good luck!!!!!

[@DUBEE43]

Create drama, and blame it on you!! I'm such a sucker, I think everyone is nice till they screw me over, now it's just me and my cat,

[@theinvinciblechildke2894]

Very accurate 100% Facts...my narcissist mom invaded my privacy to find something to accuse me of, now they have collaborated with the domestic house help to stalk me the whole day and then report to her....especially the wrong I did. But am smarter than all those fools, am collecting evidence daily

[@fourangelsmomma]

My father used to tell me that he knew me better than I knew myself.

[@densonfletcher8612]

Mine did too and he’s been dead 10 years and I still thought it til you said it

[@fourangelsmomma]

@@densonfletcher8612 Mine passed away in March 2021 and I am finding it so hard to release the anger because he left behind ways to continue to hurt me. I always believed that he did know me "better than I knew myself" until I realized that if that were true, he would not have done the things that he did because those actions caused him to die without me by his side. In the end, he pushed me away for the very final time and I was done with him in life. I never wanted it to be that way. I am so sorry that your father played that same evil card. The thing is, they do not know anyone intimately, not even themselves.

[@brianwalsh1401]

@@fourangelsmomma I'm sorry you had to go through this. Letting go of the anger is a process you have to work your way through. It takes time and a therapist or 12 step group or support group. I wish you the best.

[@fourangelsmomma]

@@brianwalsh1401 Thank you for your kind words. I do have a therapist who has gotten me through many painful situations with my father, but the feelings come in waves. I might just take your advice and find a 12 step or support group. I know that I am not alone in my trauma. I wish you the best, as well.

[@brianwalsh1401]

@@fourangelsmomma Your welcome and thank you for your reply. I'm glad you're getting help. I've found a lot of help in Adult children of alcoholics and dysfunctional families ( ACA ). There are so many people who've grown up in dysfunctional families of all kids. Unfortunately so did our parents and their parents and so on and so forth going way back. They say you either pass it on or pass it back. It sounds like were both learning how to pass it back. I believe dysfunctional families are at the root of so many societal issues. I recommend Brene Browns 2 Ted Talks on this and one of my oldy but goodies John Bradshaw's talk on youtube "Healing the Shame That Binds You" from about 1990. Many others as well. Good luck.

[@terrapintravels3829]

Very good video on coercive abuse, thank you. My ex told me right off the bat he told the adult children and grandchildren to stay away so he and I would get to know each other. Later he denied saying this when I brought it up, asking me why would he say such a thing. He also would not allow me to take my vehicle to a mechanic saying he could fix it, so I didnt have transportation for 5 months. Told me to quit my job because he was tired of me complaining about it. Told me I wasnt allowed to mention my male business partner's name. So when I almost said the name and corrected myself in front his daughter, he then told me I could say the name. Silent treatment, raginging I was such a nervous wreck and became very clumsy too. I'm so glad I left, gives me anxiety just typing this.

[@TheDjangoJoEShowOfficial]

The thing is coercive control is hard to prove. And when you go no contact or move on. It is a tough choice to open the door back up to go through with it and see that person. It is indeed criminal. Great vid!

[@TheDjangoJoEShowOfficial]

@Digi Dug true. They made the system and the only way to win is simply not play. Its a new world out here. I am glad this information is available.

[@hawaiigirl8089]

My ex always threatened murder if i touched his computer. He did a great job of getting my family offended & they’d not talk to me for years

[@coryf3493]

I had a massive blowup with my dad's narcissistic wife after having enough of her abuse complete with her fake apologizing to me. She condemned me to hell for standing up to her, then unintentionally reveled that she didn't love me, my dad, and one of her sisters in an unrelated religious rant. Her apology of course included the standard "If I did this" and "If I did that". It ended with this exactly "you NEED to forgive me, because it's what's best for you, because *I"M* going through a hard time..." Hard time meaning she can longer treat me that way and get away with it. So basically, her apology was just a coercive way to get me to apologize to her and let her off the hook.

[@hawaiigirl8089]

Jill you have the BEST WAY OF DESCRIBING THIS EVER! Its 100% truth, clinical but, understandable for every day peeps

[@Libran1717-us8qp]

Sounds just like my ex! I'm glad I got away from him. This is a perfect explanation of the coercive narcissist.

[@caitlindavies1278]

All narcissist use coercion

[@brianwalsh1401]

@@caitlindavies1278 My ex wife was very good at it. I wonder how many more insignificant others lives she's screwed up. I'm lucky to have gotten away and I still have gratitude for it every time I think about it.

[@curtisprice9806]

Excellent, excellent, excellent Jill !!!! Evil is the perfect word in describing what the narcissist consistently says and does! What confused me the most though, was the sweet loving personality that she also had!....but yes, I am very informed now on narcissism. I am in deep gratitude to counselor's like yourself (the best of all I have heard so far!!!) who have enlightened and comforted me....a victim of a female narcissist.

[@forensicfaithinprofiling]

Thank you for this incredible information many narc sites and channels dont discuss. 22 years w a covert Machiavellian dark triad, w 3 full yrs of disciplined recovery... When I met him, I was a wealthy successful woman. I believe he sought me out at my job prior to meeting him elsewhere much like grifter cons do. By the end, I was dwindled down to nothing. Lost everything via coercive control. No vehicles, all in his name and no way to leave my home for months on end. The home we owned together or so I thought, he secretly had my name removed off the deed w his fam in places I had no control over to fight, or knowledge until break up. I was stripped of all my assets, left w 22 years of bills as he took everything. I was minimized to jeans and golf shirts and crocs from designer suits makeup hair and jewelry. He had acquired musical equipment, golf equipment pretty much any addiction hobby he jumped in by guilting aka coercing me. I was trained like a dog that he would be nice as long as I was perfect home maker buying everything for him and home and boxer breed dogs we raised. He contributed little. Very disturbing how I see clearly now but couldn't back then. He had the water turned off and heating oil drained during the cold winter months, leaving me alone begging him for help, while he ghosted n I was blamed. I had no food. Or told the most horrible things if I ate food. I weighed less than 90 pounds by the end. My cat disappeared who was an indoor cat. I was repeatedly told how worthless and hated I was that I should kill myself, and finally attempted suicide while he watched me stop breathing 3 days b4 I was rescued. I was isolated from all former friends. Turned against w mutual friends. Berated by his n his family friends. Denied legal and police help due to the relationship w him n his familys involvement w judiciary n law enforcement. . Was denied a divorce even through litigation. I kid you not. I have the documents to prove it. I dealt w a massive smear campaign afterwards, and stalking beyond any lifetime movie. Degraded in my small town known as the crazy drug addict delusional tenant. Nit exe wife. Ex tenant, now apparently after hospitalization from suicide attempt and having legitimate lyme disease. I was driven insane. I've continued on my recovery journey. Ignore these vultures, the triagulation, stalking, smearing, loss of any potential jib here too btw... But that didn't stop me from recovery either, and the healthier n happier I become, the more intimidation tactics they use. 3 full years by the way. My safe housing was placed directly next to the police station, where exe cousin is a decorated Sargent. And I can go on and on. It made me seek as much education I could possibly learn to stay safe. To heal. And to teach others how to navigate this sinister abuse.

[@un2tres]

All the best for you and you're son. Thank you for sharing this with us. God bless

[@angieoh2]

This makes me so sad. I know way too many narcs and victims close to me. Once you see the coercion you can't unsee it. But telling the victim they're being coerced is like talking to a wall. Breaks my heart.

[@brianwalsh1401]

My sister is so beaten down after 30 years with this guy she doesn't know up from down at this point. Her only kid has been parentally alienated. After 4 years I left my ex covert narc because I was so unhappy and she wanted a kid. I didn't know what a covert narc was at the time but I knew having a kid with her was a bad idea. Thank god I left.

[@Mosaic_Crone]

I just want to thank you for this channel. I have been kept struggling by his financial abuse & can't afford an actual therapist to help me heal & testify in court on my children's & my behalf. At least with your channel we are healing. I just picked her up from him & will have to listen to this when I get home. I don't want to play it with her in the car

[@carlissable]

I watched Farrah Fawhcett in the BURNING BED on Tubi last night. Just enjoying a quiet movie night when I realized her husband was a Narcissist and so was his entire family. Farrah would leave after he beat her (in front of the babies might I add), and his mother would tell her that he was hurting or he had changed, that SHE was wrong for keeping him from his children. There is NO WAY IN HECK I would allow ANYONE to BULLY me into being dominated. WTH!!? My prayers to people who are going through any of this...

[@LifeChangePlans]

It is often hidden abuse. Many only realise the relationship was abusive when they are discarded by the narcissist. Or need to seek legal or medical support.

[@lindseypotter486]

100 per cent truth! I had no clue! My loved ones around me knew but I was oblivious. Out of it now and sooooo happy. Mind still not completely empty of the thoughts of what happened, but with love of my precious daughters and family in a much better place 🥰

[@LifeChangePlans]

@@lindseypotter486 Good for you.

[@explorer0213]

Wrong abuse is abuse why wait to categories it get out.

[@brianwalsh1401]

@@explorer0213 Because a lot of people don't think of it as abuse until you get educated. I thought abuse was a bigger male beating up a smaller female in other words physical abuse. Psychological, coercive or narcissistic abuse is so much more subtle and over time so much more devastating. It's death by a thousand cuts and their isn't a bruise or a smoking gun. I now know I was abused and can identify it as such. Back then I never would have considered it abuse because I dind't know any better. This type of abuse is definitely the biggest type of abuse.

[@jaylaw6970]

Yes. Endorse this completely... Seen these patterns often. Black sheep of the family... Etc. The bad one...

[@jaylaw6970]

Worse for kids. They rarely get to realise the problem is not them...

[@t.l.7733]

I absolutely agree w/ the need of harsh punishment, however, I don't believe they would actually change...rather, the change of environment, like prison, to prevent them from damaging people in society. They would still operate the same way, manipulating the prison staff & inmates.

[@brianwalsh1401]

I think it would make them ore careful about how they go about it. Also if convicted they would have a record and maybe people would start looking up people's crimes and see a coercive control conviction and know to stay away.

[@ippmoeproject8502]

Absolutely!!!! But guess what…. they get away with it.

[@dr.christopherfaria6688]

I'm stunned. Jill 150% true, true, True Truth. Deeply painful to watch, and remember. Your gentleness gives an anchor. I hope EVERYONE pays close attention, listen to a healing heart, then goes back to watch Jill again.

[@ecace8699]

Criminal exactly!!! Write that bill up and put it into place!!!

[@user-pn9cs2zx6m]

Narcissism is betrayal

[@lindasharpe7039]

Thank You 💜

[@khaartoumsings]

I seems to me that when we look at feudal/traditional cultures and small villages of the present and past, these narcissistic mechanism were/are used individually and collectively to control members of the family and community. Females and children being targetted most by these surveillance measures. A lot of it done by males. It tells us a lot about the ingrained narcissism that is in our communities and traditional behaviours to control individuals. Really original video. Thanks ; ) K

[@quoteme.goddess6957]

This would be one helluva thesis, towards dissertation.

[@edelweissdebergbaldrian7696]

@@quoteme.goddess6957 Absolutely!

[@khaartoumsings]

@@edelweissdebergbaldrian7696 Yes. It is terrifying. I think this 'deadness' that we see in everyday life and people obsessed with the material is everyday Narcissistic Brains. If we are looking at 'Narcissists Are A Tribe' as Narcissist Tapes by Nikki channel suggests. In the Narcissistic families [especially feudal families like my culture or in the me me me SMART phone obsessed parent now maybe?]...The children born into Narcissistic families are born purely as 'supply' for parentification for the parents. They are the 'appliances' of the family. The family and their forefathers were all brought up in that way. Hence the theory is that Narcissists are a tribe that want to expand their numbers through their narcissistic children to their grand children. The neurological patterning [looking at MRI brain scans of narcissists that are identifiable to the layman! - even me!] ...The lack of nurture causes the brain to 'wire' wrong with narcissistic parents. The frontal lobes [modern bit] do not develop so the 7 Executive Functions, Empathy, Taking Responsibility for Actions, Learning From Mistakes all does not function. Lying and Learned Helplessness and Criminality develop. The Amygala becomes shrunken with Cortisol and looks like 'confidence' [I read this, sadly these are not my original ideas...I would like to say they are!] but it is Psychopathy. And the whole thinking moves to the upper back part of the brain which is the Reptilian part of the brain that is not meant for thinking. So Narcissists have superficial thinking in the wrong part of the brain [psychopath MRI scan vids on YT disseminate all of this]. And the Reptilian brain also gets a 'thrill' out of people being harmed on MRI scans. Peace and Harmony channel did a critique on how Narcissists have a peculiar kind of Dopamine Receptor that is always 'flat'. They are always bored and in need of stimulation. However, she did conclude that these Narcissist Dopamine Receptors are also 'Hyper Arousal'. So when they find shopping, sex, fast driving, computer games that stimulate them - They go from 1 to 100 in a second. This 'Hyper Arousal' is apparently the 'choas' that makes them 'attractive' to Empaths and also projects onto sensitive people who also take on the chaotic hyper arousal energy of Narcissists around them. Thus Hyper Arousal is an internal chaos or the Narcissist and projects out onto others and the victim to attract and distract them... Wow. Like this fabulous channel here and the completely new framing of behaviours that we have seen forever [When the doctor on her was talking about the control behaviours, I immediately started to think of the modelling of that behaviour in John Wayne cowboy films??]...I'm so appreciative of all of these doctors and experts on these channels. It is now a world I never knew I lived in and have names for all these toxic behaviours and crazies! K ; )

[@quoteme.goddess6957]

@@khaartoumsings Dissertation! ♥️

[@edelweissdebergbaldrian7696]

@@quoteme.goddess6957 Are you going to do a dissertation on this topic? Are you in a doctoral program?

[@fifilafleur5555]

My dad & his wife, along with half sister, have used coercive control to abuse me.

[@brianwalsh1401]

If their narcissist they all do it. In fact all narcissist do all the same stuff male or female, doesn't matter. Like I read several times people say do they all read the same book but it's more like diabolical minds think alike.

[@phoenixrising1305]

This was excellent information you covered in this presentation, Jill! Well done 👍 and, can’t thank you enough for “going there”.... Difficult topic to discuss and cover but, so VERY important that you did! 🙏

[@hawaiigirl8089]

Omg you are ON TARGET 🎯 the exnarc & my narc mom watched every where i went ! My ex put listening devices in the house for when he was gone! As tho ! Ya I thought we were poor! Turns out he makes over $250,000 a year & USED all my child support from MY SON

[@carlissable]

I agree...make REAL LAWS THAT HELP REAL VICTIMS OF ANY FORM OF ABUSE OR BULLYING.

[@Yellow-Rose]

This is a very powerful video. The ending gave me cold chills bc of it being such a cold hard truth, and the fact that many people don't realize this. Educating yourself on narcissism can save your life and the lives of your children. A narcissist will only change their behavior to get back the money and freedom, not bc they realize the wrongfulness of their ways.

[@kingtiger836]

Awesome video, you are my favorite narcissists teacher. I don't watch anyone else. I don't need to. You are an expert, in all aspects, and explain things logically.

[@ecace8699]

Thank you so very much for covering this !!! And thank sooo very much for all your videos!!!

[@yaslizrivera8022]

I was a talented girl when child but she all my life look me like a reval and competition she hates me with me for my good qualities and was so artistic and sociable girl and with good grades and she hate that, my mother, a narcistic psychopathic she abused me physical emptionall and economically, at a level that I made paintings and she put in the garbage all my draws, I threw them away, she did not let me study or attend theater classes. I win a scholarship and she hide the letter and lose the opportunity and she heat so hard and damaged my spine. She stole all my money I worked dice tenneger for her and then she got into my marriage until destroyed it. She destroyed my life. I wish Know about the narcissist abuse before that freed me I would have liked to know these information before.

[@renestar8651]

I feel such a great pain for you My narcisstic mother also treated me as a rival for years As a competition that must be demoralised I am tall beautiful a lawyer but also artistic I established a floral bisiness on the side she ruined it She collapsed my marriage by rivalry with me and my husband Every thing I have she wants! Including my Sons She wanted a son but had only me and my sister who she has triangulated with me These are truly evil spirits from the dark realm sent to destroy souls driving for the light Forget about childhood trauma theory Many of us had childhood traumas but have not been seeking to destroy our fellow human beings Be strong distance from her and have faith in GOD The victory of Light over darkness of this world,!!

[@renestar8651]

A very good sign to recognise this truly evil souls is their reaction to those gifted with true art They are full of extreme envy and jealousy Art is a spiritual gift from the Light

[@gailsentoff7363]

That piece of material is something I can take to court thank you ever so much

[@ChucksNPearls]

I need to add ... The judicial system will NOT run point on CC, NA, PA, the MENTAL HEALTH Community Needs to Address these all with their Pathology. Not having the mental health experts/professionals rallying for victims is only going to delay healing, prolong abuse, increase damages, &, perpetuate mote assaults... IJS

[@prschuster]

I'm fortunate that all my bad relationships were with unhinged drama queens instead of full blown narcissists.

[@phoenixrisin2269]

Unhinged drama queens are probably histrionic somatic narcissist; check it out

[@prschuster]

@@phoenixrisin2269 Histrionic sounds about right.

[@brianwalsh1401]

@@prschuster Yeah healthy people don't consistently behave like this. If their drama kings or queens it's because they love it and need it. Not normal or healthy and satrt to exit stage left.

[@glennmariacher4525]

You answered my question about whether one of my encounters fits it; You nailed it over and over!! Thank you.

[@collie8]

very true. No arrangement is possible with them. It's even a challenge for them to break everything. Only serious punishment which cannot be manipulated works. 😕 it's hard to function this way with someone you loved.

[@tawahalp4716]

Excellent channel

[@SF-bw7vn]

Thank you for letting the world know, what you talk about in your videos are immensely important

[@lorrainenicoletti6232]

Very Powerful

[@windalfalatar333]

This is exactly what happened to me, with my ex-wife spending all of my, and a lot of my parents', money because of entitlement. The problem is that the counter-measures one has to adopt against (in my case not just a narcissist but also a psychopath) can be difficult to gauge (perhaps especially when you like me suffer from Aspberger's syndrome but are otherwise a normal person in this regard): if too severe they are not good for the child and if too lenient the other parent will go in and parentally kidnap the child, which happened in my case (especially when my mother went senile and could not help me protect my son, who was taken overseas).

[@audioengineeringtips]

all so true grate video

[@stacysmith8723]

No logic, no concern whatsoever for anyone but themselves, and yes that most definitely includes their own children, absolutely incomprehensible to a decent human being

[@michellefarris3961]

Absolutely correct that victims or 3rd parties cannot appeal to either reason or empathy, because narcissists possess neither. It is totally wasted energy.

[@Hugging_Cactus]

this is exactly what my 23 year old son is trapped in with his mother. And there is nothing I can do about it. and i don’t have the Will anymore to even make contact knowing what will happen to him. strange to be away from your child thinking his life would more peaceful without you. evil exists.

[@edgreen8140]

Great job on medcircle interview.

[@Catherine_Kate]

Jill should be broadcast on an enormous scale. She is saving lives 💕🌷

[@theenlightenedtarget]

Thank you so much.

[@sparkle4051]

Please send me the link.

[@edgreen8140]

@@sparkle4051 if I can find it IL send it.

[@edgreen8140]

@@sparkle4051 medcircle what it's like to be raised by a malignant narcissist.

[@9keykey]

Coercive Control.

[@ippmoeproject8502]

Withholding sex, affection, acknowledgment, etc…. !!!!!!

[@johnmartin3517]

Great, now we have the thought police!!! I live next to a sick narcissistic bastard that has stalked my family with a gas weed wacker. and i would rather he be free than have the thought police arrest him. He stopped this after i told him what i was going to do...

[@hawaiigirl8089]

They’ll find a way to WEASEL OUT OF JAIL TOO! Victim victim poor mentality

[@opossumqueen7532]

It took me 14 years to see clearly. Never realized what financial abuse was. Or coercive control. I cooked and enjoyed cooking as well as kept the house, now that my friend knows we're separated she called me a stepford wife...😑 But things would have eb and flow and occasionally I wouldn't have dinner ready on time so he would start complaining, so I would hurry to step up, and tell him when I was cooking a good steak or meal that had delicate timing; And he would go out of his way to screw it up. And I believed him every time. I know this is long but I feel like this is SO SUBTLE I need to say it for that one person searching to hear. In example: I would message him letting him know the night's menu and cocktail. He would respond or maybe not, at least he would show the text read. Then I would get a few of the following scenarios; He would show up late. Sometimes text or call notifying me, but that was after a few mental breakdowns of not being heard. He would call and say that he is late, I'd thank him for letting me know and plan accordingly, when he got home he would be agitated that I wasn't mad? And tell me, you're mad aren't you...I ruined everything, until he found something to get me to react. And depending on his mood he would push and then tell me it's a joke! And, I'm being too emotional. And if he was in a mood to eat, got home on time and it was ready, the first words out of his mouth would be oh you finally got it ready on time? But it would be in a lightheaded tone. And if I reacted "I'm the crazy one". I developed actual anxiety attacks from the routine of his bullshit and it wasn't until about a year after I got to the part of therapy where I learned to "feeeeeel my feelings" that I realized where the anxiety attacks were coming from, and, that they were even anxiety attacks! And not just the fact my body couldn't deal with caffeine anymore. Which turns out I can't anymore anyway which I'm sure has something to do with my baseline stress level. It got to the point where I would fly into a rage in a millisecond. When I learned to set boundaries, and not let other people's emotions affect me, things got pretty bad for the relationship but really good for me? I come from a super religious background so don't @ me about religion. I am not spiritual. But it's like I learned to let his emotions roll off me like water. Like they just flow around my center. The best part is, it seems like I'm not doing it intentionally anymore? He's really worn me down but it's still protecting me. A lot has been hard and I know things are going to get harder. I have no idea what my future looks like but I'm not spending another second but thinking about it. I'm just taking steps. I think I've lost every person I've known while building a confident self, but I wouldn't change it for the world. This is just one of the chapters in the layers of bullshit I'm unpacking. I'm going to look into your group. These were the books that started me on this journey. How to be A Woman by Caitlin Moran (I struggled with my identity as a confident female with feminity? I thought body image issues were the "problem") Then when I finally got a trauma informed therapist he recommended The Body Keeps the Score and that was a huge punch to the brain. I'm neurodivergent, college educated, very invested in the arts and sciences, current and past politics, psychology and working on my own mental health. I've been in therapy for 7ish years learning all about how my brain and body could possibly be betraying me. I LOVE LEARNING. Radiolab is my favorite podcast? and I'm not trying to brag. I just............never EVER in a million years of would have imagined myself in this scenario. It's SO so so subtle. Keep a diary. Even if it's the least consistent thing you do. Just writing down the times you get upset before reading too much into the situation was enough to lay the smallest foundation in my brain. Ugh. Shit. I just hope this helps someone. I got to get back to work. I'm also now self-employed! 😅😭😭💖 Wishing strength to everyone struggling to take whatever sized step they can take to move forward today. (even if that means doing nothing and just taking a breath)

[@brianwalsh1401]

I'm sorry but thank you for sharing some of your story with people. At least now people have the opportunity to learn about what's happening to them. Before the internet I'm pretty sure most people didn't have a clue. I know I didn't. It took me 11 years after leaving before figuring this out online and pretty much by accident. I finally figured out many of these people i had or had in my life. I absolutely believe narcissists and sociopaths are 10-15% of the population. No shortage of these mfers around. Good luck to you.

[@womansworkproductionco]

Thank you for telling it like it is.

[@heatherbolden1910]

It is one of the most wicked abuses.....12 years of marriage...and nearly 4 years trying to break free....and now I am free

[@michellefarris3961]

What narcissistic gangstalkers do to their targets daily.

[@michellefarris3961]

And what traffickers do to modern-day slaves.

[@NevsTechBits]

Ok please help me with this: When I met my wife she was trying to take the husband and child away from a woman. She wanted to replace the woman. I listed the reasons why this was wrong, and she now says I was guilt tripping her and eroding her autonomy. Also about money control: If you are on a tight budget with single income, is it abusive for one party to closely watch this limited amount of money?

[@ThePowerAndControlWheel]

I know all about this one .. and have lost the bond with my children .. she did this from start to finish and beyond. If the feeling weren't so poisonous, I would hate her even now. I had no idea at the time what this was .. but now, too late, I completely understand it. Yes, killed me off.

[@mheiseus]

Yes, they will use tactics that convince you to believe you are wrong, weird, etc anything to keep you docile, and under their thumb.

[@lynnfincham6839]

Thanks Jill x

[@shaunduffy861]

Fair play Jill, consequences, consequences, consequences. The only way. Thanks for this video. The heinous behaviour of these people does not warrant engagement, as much as we would like to. Fruitless operation only ending up with you covered in mud, let the authorities deal with them, namaste 🙏

[@claudiacastillo5898]

That clown image in the thumbnail... it’s like looking directly at a narcissist. They’re pathological evil clowns.

[@Katie_Woo]

I'm almost a week free of my narcissist and the last sentence he said to me was by text was- 'I won't allow you to toy with another human being ever again'- because he'd painted himself as the victim of my mind games.....this is the man who would regularly threaten to kill himself to keep me from trying to get away from him. But he no longer controls me with fear, I will NOT be bullied and harassed.

[@janetkrawiec8332]

Yep, my husband had to be scared into quitting drinking and abuse!

[@andreahorn9808]

My husbands ex uses all of these tactics and I have seen it get worse over the last 10 years. My stepson always is feeling like his mother is trying to keep him away and that’s exactly what she has done but even worse when she got married. She wants to just have her and her new husband and even goes as far as to have her son ask my husband if he can change his last name to her husbands!

[@audioengineeringtips]

very true target your money

[@rhondagentry2170]

Bless you.

[@DaviesMartinezBeats]

This style of abuse is part of my own, and my young child's life. There is a court battle next year to deal specifically with this in relation to full custody, however, unfortunately for me and my son, the Criminal component doesn't become law in NSW Australia until April next year. NO legal matters can be brought before the court for prior cohesive control abuse unfortunately.

[@smoothandchunky1]

My narc father was a master at this tactic. This why I and my family kept him in our lives for far too long. He was the bread winner for many years and blew his paychecks drinking, playing high roller, gambling and going to the doctor to get whatever prescription he wanted. The doctor he frequented came under heavy scrutiny at the end of his career for doing much of the similar things to other patients.

[@arlinenivens997]

Sound like a dude who tried to scam me for my money. I’m an independent professional. He tried to love bomb me idolatry me from my friends and family especially my son. He told me I would regret it if I left him. News flash! I’m a super empath. I called out that demon, went no contact and have not looked back. This man approached me in church pretending to he such a caring single father of three kids. What he did to these kids mother was heartless. I did not allow him to get into my money and I certainly did not need him for anything. No one will separate me from my family or friends or try to control me. No thanks!

[@Imnotyourdoormat]

the Puppeteer ties their puppet strings with Navy knots......

[@m.f.richardson1602]

Thank you💕🇺🇲

[@elizabethandiosa4579]

Actually, it's really important to tell the children the truth about the abusive parent. Having the law force victims to Not being able to acknowledge and discuss being abused is more victimization. One good parent is enough and children must not be forced to visit an abuser. It's not healthy. So this law will and most likely already is being used against the real victim. I do understand the fear and being manipulated against the other parent and their family. Usually it's the abusive parent doing this.

[@windalfalatar333]

I won custody four times over my son, which is extremely unusual for a man. I almost never said anything which could be taken as negative against my ex-wife, because social services forbade me from doing this, but it led to my son not knowing the full extent of the truth and being tricked into going to a foreign country by his half-sister (who herself is under the domination of her mother). It's a little bit tiring that it's assumed that men are the narcissist/psychopath (in my case my wife was both, I think) and women are innocent, which is as sexist as thinking Obama must be a good man because of the colour of his skin is racist (of course thinking the opposite is also sexist and racist).

[@elizabethandiosa4579]

@@windalfalatar333 It's a set up for victims. My children and I received counselling as a result of the never ending abuse and stalking. It's wrong to invent bad stuff about a good person and use gross distortions. Every person I have ever met the pushes two parents are better than one is a drunk, druggie, abuser, enabler, abusive flying monkey or all of the above. The law is still stacked in favor of men as are financial matters. Don't misconstrue these statements to mean that I approve of abusive, stoned, bully, covert, deceitful treacherous, thieving, manipulative, lying, cruel, enabling, broads or guys...no. They are garbage.

[@windalfalatar333]

@@elizabethandiosa4579 I agree with you. I just hope you'll forgive me for my comment which was born out of the desperation of my ex-wife always portraying herself as a victim with every person of authority with whom she ever came into contact (and the way in which traditional sexist stereotypes feed into this, affecting men and women negatively in different ways, but always being used by the exploiters).

[@elizabethandiosa4579]

@@windalfalatar333 I totally get it. I know. My own mother and the ex have conned, exploited, sabotaged and lied to me with the help of their associates(flying monkeys) and relatives relatives. Lots of manipulation and smear campaigns. They did it to my dad too. His mistake was falling for it and over reacting in a violent manner. The abuse was is consistent and constant with the mother etc. Once someone is grossly disrespectful, it's a deal breaker. It's taken me years to get back some self worth and self respect. One good parent works. The bad one can kill you and the kids and always consistently harm's the children. Been there. Thank you for the extra note. Also, just a heads up, if you put a stop to interference from the abuser, they will enlist third parties to worm their way into your circle to corrupt and ruin the good and truth you have taught your child. Teaching them and ourselves how to draw good strong boundaries, plus psychological and physical self defense and offense is very important in today's world. Those assholes and cons are teaching their children to do the same thing for sure.

[@windalfalatar333]

@@elizabethandiosa4579 Thank you for your kind reply. I hope my son will make it. I had gained sole custody four times in Swedish courts (extremely rare for a man in almost any country). My son was then lured away by his half-sister to another country. Swedish police did nothing and the international prosecutor who was appointed refrained from pressing charges of parental kidnapping, as he was above 16 when it happened. Luckily police in the other country were extremely competent and managed to find him but I could not take him home (because I think he was still in his mother's love bombing phase and) he did not want to go. He has lost his place at a Swedish high school and according to my lawyer in the other country, he could not have one down there because he wasn't there for the last admissions in May and I had and still have sole custody. I am pursuing the case in the Swedish legal system, but I have to represent myself as this whole thing happened in the summer and made me lose all my money. I think the worst thing about having had a relationship with a psychopath, is the self-loathing and that you blame yourself for so much.

[@billbertrand7751]

Thanks for enlighten

[@CharmingDandy]

the phrase is "could NOT care less" Otherwise it implies that they do in fact care at least a little

[@boltsdluna]

My dad should be in jail

[@susanjaneterry1073]

The narcissist who abused me couldn't possibly read my mind. He couldn't even read a book.

[@bruciferbrucifer1791]

This is a exact match to my ex wife- She is a insidious creature- they know not love of others only love of money and power

[@miskokinoo]

Interesting. Thanks. Also sounds like a description of civilization to me.

[@wisegentle7859]

So accurate, text book example of my life of being abused by a mother and then (2) ex-husbands. ....I no longer focus on the fact that some people don't care or understand my suffering, and that of my children....SHINE THE LIGHT INTO THE DARKNESS. The Lord Rebuke the wicked "narcissists". Repent.

[@bkpalos]

I def want to join the group talks.

[@achach5055]

I used to work for my brother, at the end of the week he would never pay me. So i was always forced to ask for my pay.

[@heatherdawnpoetry4047]

The only way is no contact...Narcs don't change. There can be consequences for their abuse, but they will fight tooth and nail to escape any consequences... My narc ex was an extreme manipulator and controller...he used sleep deprivation and controlled everything...short phonecalls...what I spent... what I ate...tv and music we could watch...no friends allowed to visit at our home...tried to cut me off from contact with my eldest daughter( he knew she saw through him and he was jealous because she cared for me) He shamed and raged at me every day for the 5 and a half years we were married...flirted with other women right in front of me...was never comforting me when I cried... he was as cold as a stone I was so good to him, but he never even saw it...he wanted to be worshipped and adored...so entitled...he actually enjoyed hurting me...it gives Narc's supply when they cause pain and heartache to others. So glad to be free from all that suffering for a year and a half now.(❤)

[@stevehartwell1861]

Insidious

[@shonnabaxter1249]

This is exactly what has been going on with my son and his dad. What can I do ? I don’t hVe anyone that believes me they ( family & friends ) say it’s all in my head and I overreact If I knew what to do I would do it My heart stays broken

[@PeteTash32]

I kept telling my Father in law's girlfriend about NPD and that she needed to run. She was convinced that he would know if she looked up any websites or youtube videos because he told her that all the internet history went through his phone. After 6 years he dumped her, once his new supply was ready.

[@juliepollard8332]

My ex-husband was just like this he had both our son's exactly where he wanted them they absolutely hate me,after I divorced him,he abandoned our youngest after making him stand beside him and tell me he wanted to live with him,2days later he upped and left so my son exploded at me,he moved in with me and his dad continued to use him to get information and to continue the abuse,he was 15/16,he actually jumped on me when I was laying on the sofa,and he was squashing me so I couldn't breathe,I kept saying get off I can't breathe,so I pushed him so hard off me he dislocated my kneecap,he just stood there staring at me,no emotions what so ever,I got him to call an ambulance,but he was cool as a cucumber,he didn't come with me to hospital,no sorrys nothing,he used to insult me verbally using identical words that his dad would use",what tits" were their favorite insults to me,my eldest would just turn up,tell me how I was suppose to be living,trashing my flat,stealing stuff,lieing,make arrangements to meet then not show up,not answer the phone,no explanations,he used his children as weapons against me,,I knew there was something wrong with my car it was being tampered with,so I scrapped it,my eldest so turned up the next day giving me the third degree about it,it just goes on and on 34 years of this constant sort of abuse,I have nothing to do with any of them,I moved away without anyone knowing where I've gone ,

[@markcarlisle3711]

I agree I'm going through coercive control...they're desparate I've got bodies on em & cover up. I'm interested in any help you can give.

[@slymoms.3235]

This is my ex exactly. Every time he would throw me through a wall he would say, "If you call the cops, you'll be dead before they get here."

[@analiza265]

The problem with making psycholigical abuse criminal is that its subjective. The risk is that narcissists will manipulate the definition to fit their sick narative.

[@gregoryritchie7852]

My church pastor, a wolf in sheep's clothing, fit EVERY point in this video. A Judas Iscariot in disguise - who would EVER suspect a pastor? Very slick individual - you'd never guess - said and did all the "right" Christian things ... gradual so you wouldn't notice ...

[@carpathianken]

Sadly,it's actually a common phenomenon.Whether it be rapist Police,child molesting teachers, pastors that harm the folks they're entrusted to help , or parents that torture their defenceless children, people that are disgruntled, scorned & resentful succumb to the dark side of their minds

[@susannay.3437]

Do you have or would you please make a video on how to actually communicate with a narcissist or very toxic person when you absolutely need to--can't go no contact. Some practical advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your videos. ♥️🌹

[@l.5832]

My narc mom disinherited me and kept my father's estate from me because I moved away from home in my mid 20's rather than stay and be my mom's slave (she refused to work and was totally healthy.). When she died I won legally because where I live you are not allowed to disinherit a child.

[@allennorman1628]

This is me. I'm screwed.

[@allennorman1628]

My wife is a criminal. Gets me jail time.

[@southernbellerising]

Can coercive control be covert? For example….controlling most aspects of several situations where your choices are then limited. This way, you can’t necessarily point the finger at them bc they will just appear “proactive,” yet it sort of restricts you and no one can see this.

[@summerlane508]

But what can I do about this abuse right now? I know what they can & will do, but we need more solutions now. Please