Conan: Exiles (Zero Punctuation)

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[@redcalcium429]

I joined a server called "no to grinding" where everything required way less to build so that was much more enjoyable

[@jerrodshack7610]

Ark has the same problem. I wish the default settings weren't so grindy

[@mooganify]

How does that even work. Did they have a communist takeover?

[@thomaskirkness-little5809]

The best thing about Conan Exiles is playing on your own with all the sliders adjusted so that you can turn the whole place into a ludicrous castle building competition.

[@roberttaylor7423]

You missed out the part where, after grinding for days/weeks to build an impressive fortress, some random dude can simply summon a god to come and destroy it all in five minutes.

[@Riftweaver1981]

kind of hard for him to know anything about that since he was playing single player.. did you watch the video at all?

[@djdomain]

Meh, I played enough PvE in Ark to know that dickbaggery was still the norm. It just then means planting foundations everywhere to block others from starting a base, walling off basic resources to stop new players from getting past the stone age, or kiting a giant lizard to the target to do your dirty work.

[@jerrodshack7610]

@@Riftweaver1981 it's a joke, dickhead

[@lietz13]

Waiting for someone to say "Once you spend 200 hours of your limited leisure time repetitively collecting a thing, completely bored out of your mind as your chores and hobbies and relationships slip away, that's when the game gets really good!"

[@poposterous236]

I love games that suck but are designed in such a way that you develop stockholm syndrome. "It's YOUR fault you didn't enjoy the game because you actually value your time."

[@runetitan-lx4ih]

Once you spend 200 hours of your limited leisure time repetitively collecting a thing, completely bored out of your mind as your chores and hobbies and relationships slip away, that's when the game gets really good!

[@sasschav1493]

Nah, you jack the settings to not be balanced around having 10 people helping you then have everything you need to explore in less than an hour.

[@Kserijaro]

Ah yes... the ultra fanboy defence force shill apologist tactic: AFTER 2000h THE GAME BECOMES GREAT. Same was said for No Mans Sky, Sea of Thieves, Bless Online, and now THis

[@centhron89]

Or you can do what i did and edit one of the config files, 5 min of research and editing and i now get about 1000 rock (or what ever resource i farm) from just 4-5 nodes! Kinda speeds things up!

[@zerrierslizer1]

"if you'r gigglezone starts to bloodily dissapear thats an aligator you should probably MOVE" THIS is why i love this channel. i can't stop laughing xD

[@bionicdragon5]

I'm just having fun imagining Arnold saying "git gud."

[@lolrus5555]

Thus marks the return of the exalted Thinderella.

[@AKmacintosh]

L O and furthermore L

[@TheAaron3dg]

"Rocking a monster booty" spoken in Yahtzee's accent is hilarious

[@randallporter1404]

Crom is pleased :)

[@CassReidIsSomeone]

Glad to see Yahtzee keeping true to the contract that he must reference Boris Vallejo in every other RPG review.

[@gordongraham2064]

What I've found really interesting about Exiles is the way it marries survival games like Minecraft to a more traditional RPG structure. There are dungeons with honest to god bosses, and the tech tree encourages you to migrate from one region to the next. There's basically no iron in the starting valley, so you need to trek upriver to the area where there's iron and coal all over the place. Eventually you need brimstone and thick hides, so you migrate to where those are plentiful. XP comes quickest from exploring new landmarks and doing new things. The upshot is that the game gets a scenic progression from biome to biome to go along with the purely mechanical advancement in the tech tree.

[@lithobreak3812]

So its like ARK but somehow even less refined? Cuz that sound a lot like ARK and that game isn't great.

[@lecafard4327]

With the sliders adjusted you don't really need to move. The location Yahtzee described has enough bandit camps that you can farm more resources than you actually need from the bandits.

[@ThatFanBoyGuy]

I haven't laughed at a Zero Punctuation so hard in a while. "Woah, there, Conan Exiles. I wanted to build a footlocker, not a wardrobe complete with Narnia. LOL!

[@pajamapantsjack5874]

YES! Thinderellla returns!

[@djinsanity3575]

Pajamapants Jack all hail the naked necromancer

[@ReleasedHollow]

Sounds like she was upgraded to THICCerella

[@miles1779]

Pajamapants Jack why are you everywhere also!

[@weirdnwild91]

Been almost ten years since then...

[@richardlionerheart1945]

please stop abusing sydney

[@MineFreak4]

I'd love to see more games with this slave labor mechanic. Clobbering NPCs and having them do all the shit for you. Stardew Valley comes to mind. Chaining up Sebastian to the chicken pen or something.

[@imageez]

Does Don't Starve's feeding HumanPigs one meat so they can chop trees, mine rocks, and qent to a suicidal mission to fight a giant bird count?

[@Xartimus]

Try looking into a game called 'Kenshi'

[@APoetByAnyOtherName]

I think you've spent too much time on the rule 34 side of the internet...

[@99Pierogies]

Now I want someone to make a slave trade sim game.

[@SergioSergio12345]

MGS Portable Ops, Peace Walker, and V could count, except that there it's less slavery and more "They want to because war economy I guess."

[@USMC49er]

Thank you, Yahtzee! I finally found out the name of that painter! I swear that has been in the back of my mind for years.

[@slothfulcobra]

Doesn't sound much like Conan at all. Conan doesn't need to build or craft or struggle to survive, he just lives off the ruins strewn about the wasteland while laying waste to cults and empires and shit.

[@IRMentat]

slothfulcobra no need to cook when every other village is set of fire as you arrive. These “survival” games lack basic gameplay to push a player through any meaningful loops. Imagine something like red faction/populous in a large world. based around finite resources a more believe able damage, harvesting & crafting model with semi-regular cataclysms of each server as they age and decay/are-mined-out. Scout the land, stockpile resources for maintenance/repairs/sieges, attack others (PvP and PvE) for their rares and end it by dropping a new threat on the land every season (earthquake, King Kong, zombie plague, restricted respawns, meteor storm. The winners/survivors get a cosmetic reward and get to start the next round with an advantage that can be stolen/destroyed within the game world).

[@smward87]

I mean you're not wrong, but the whole point is you're not Conan, so you can't do the things he does.

[@ChiotVulgaire]

IMMentat that's kind of what happens here actually. Some resources are quite rare and only show up in key areas, prompting you to race to build bases there. The game also has something called "purge" where roaming bands of monsters and npcs arrive to wreck your shit. Building defensively becomes important and those fighters and exiles you enthrall become crucial to keeping your stuff safe. Also some are not fighters but craftsmen instead and they grant access to rare recipes. It becomes like Pokémon. (The one downside right now is that fighter ai is a bit crap. They are working on fixing it)

[@Elepole]

Actually, you can do that in Conan exile. You can find weapons and other equipment on npc, there are natural protection against the weather if you can find them, etc ... It will take much more time as there is no way to get exactly what you need from npc camp and city, but it is possible.

[@InvertedWIng]

When you put it that way...Conan may very well be the archetypical RPG "murderhobo" hero.

[@reynoldszelaya4559]

2:40 "If your giggle zone starts to bloodily disappear, that's an alligator. You should probably move." I died laughing at this for some reason.

[@SyThiCProductions]

That "WHAT" when he talked about the tanning rock sounded genuine surprise.

[@EmmanuelHernandez-pr1xi]

The tannery bit had me laughing like crazy. I honestly have no idea why 240 rocks would be needed if all you would need in "theory" is a few wood and "leaves".

[@justicetaylor2695]

Neat, he made a naturist woman. I remember a dude playing the multi player mode. He made his dude have a big D. He ran into a dude with a small D and commented on it. This started a fight that ended with the big D player ripping the head off of the smaller endowed player. He said it was the most fun he had in the first 20 minutes of a game.

[@azzzanadra]

what the?!!!

[@jamesmcdonald3054]

Truly the quintessential MMORPG experience.

[@bionicdragon5]

Reminds me of when I lived in Kentucky for a while...

[@qp7975]

@Mike Hancho the only way to enjoy the game is to join or make your own game with multipled resource gathering. Makes the grind at least manageable

[@snoopsq.527]

Why is this a Conan game? Just because he made a little cameo? Stan Lee made a cameo in the second ‘Princess Dairies’ movie, does that make it apart of MCU?

[@MrFartquad]

Snoops Q. You can actually find him in game. He stands there in a tavern and does absolutely nothing.

[@ikillstupidcomments]

It's set in the same world and rooted in the lore Howard established.

[@TheOzzyMartin1]

princess diaries is a disney movie with stan lee so actually it’s the first take that iron man (it’s also a whitney houston album and a shondaland tv show)

[@snoopsq.527]

Okay I’ll give you that, but if Conan himself is just going to make a small cameo then why have the game named after him? It strikes me as odd. Imagine having a game called “Jesus: Apostles” where Jesus comes in at the beginning only to make a small cameo. I would feel a little ripped off because well, I wanna play as Jesus not some self-insert fan character.

[@tomjackal5708]

Did you make literally the same argument against Sonic Forces? nah that obv gets a pass because YOU ARE NEXT TO ME AND I'M NEXT TO YOU

[@jbkjbk1999]

I don't think there's been a time when Yahtzee has mentioned "The PVP is unbalanced" that didn't get a laugh out of me. "Sheep go baah, cows go moo, MMORPG players go the PVP is unbalanced"

[@LordMyron09]

This made me laugh the hardest I have all month, especially at the "Dear God" bit. Thanks, Yahtzee!

[@analien4813]

I appreciate this review, I can safely say, yes, I felt these feelings. "Two hundred fifty wood. WOT?!"

[@ToonedMinecraft]

I was following the development of Conan Exiles for the massive enemies and killing mythilogical creatures, kinda the same thing with Ark. I feel like they are generally the same except for the dinosaurs being replaced with slaves.

[@IRMentat]

LezzerNet worlds full of static enemies with arbitrary numbers of hitpoints containing arbitrary numbers of resources that you kill over and over to get an arbitrary requirement to make an ashtray/wall/satellite-laser to kill more of the static enemies. If you are lucky it will look pretty and not destroy your PC/framerate in its unoptimised “glory”. Neat ideas terribly made because the genre is around the level of pong and us badly in need of some professional AI and design work.

[@ToonedMinecraft]

Kurt Rustle I suppose that shows the fact that I haven't played it yet, but the infinite grind for 100 iron bars for a forgery (which reminded me of arc in particular because that was also such an inane amount) just bogs the game down for me. I get that that is usually the point in the massive heap of survival crafting games out there. The combat and boss fights might be the most glorious out there but if you have to grind for hours you could have spent either fighting or doing something actually fulfilling then I'll get bored before I lay a hand on a sword. I liked the fact that Ark had sliders in which you could change the speed progress was made and I hope Conan Exiles also has this, otherwise I think I'll have to look somewhere else for my killing-mythological-creatures-fix.

[@sisyr5615]

Yahtzee plays things up for effect, as you should be aware if you've followed him for a while. Yes, a 100 iron bars might sound like a massive grind for someone who hasn't even played the game. No, it certainly isn't. I've played the game for a total of a mere 10 hours and have hundreds of those bars on top of having already used over a thousand... Numbers don't mean anything without a context. It takes about 30 seconds to mine the equivalent of 50 iron bars (once you've found a source). After that it's a process of smelting down ore into bars, which is a passive process (meaning it's done in a smelter while you go about doing other things). Also yes; there are sliders in Conan that allows you to speed up the progress (up to 10x as fast). It is, in other words, as grindy as you want it to be. Yahtzee might have missed that option. Most servers run 2x speed, while 1x is the default (and presumably what Yahtzee played on).

[@chadnorris8257]

The tannery thing reminds me of other games where you'll have one required resource that seems to mostly be there just to make sure you don't get the item too early.

[@Ackalan]

Welcome to Citadel forged with Fire. Want a saddle big enough to fit a pig? That'd be ~40 bears worth of pelts, thank you.

[@Goatboy451]

Top tip for single player anti-social c*nts like myself: You can adjust any settings you don't like in the options menu. Want to harvest resources twice as fast? Go for it. ;-)

[@taelketal]

up to 10x, yes.

[@KnightofAges]

In single player, you can also use your admin priviledges to GIVE you all the stuff you want. Mats or finished products. You literally don't have to grind anything.

[@MySplatterhouse]

To bad some settings have to be readjusted every time I start the game up like durability, stamina, and damage taken.

[@Malimber]

Kurt Rustle it's mostly because he can't be assed to take the time to learn the game mechanics. I get his time is limited but if he hates survival games just don't review them because you can't get past your own biases.

[@tukavaraandco7820]

Malimber so let me see if I’ve got this, Conan: Exiles is basically Ark, time locked in the same area of medieval Europe every fantasy game is, with bandits instead of Dinosaurs. Is that right or is it a little more complex than that?

[@IndustrialBonecraft]

Yeah.. arbitrary crafting padding is why I don't bother with the survival crafty genre. I remember trying to build a pestle and mortar in ARK a few years ago. It require fifteen lengths of boiled of hide or something. I had to skin five fucking triceratops... so I could make a pestle and mortar. And I wondered if the developers had every actually seen a pestle and mortar. Giant swathes of tanned leather don't enter into the equation. No leather enters into the equation because you don't need fucking leather for a pestle and mortar!

[@OrangeyChocolate]

One of many reasons why ARK is a piece of shit. I don't bother with survivalcraft games either. The only good one is Don't Starve, and even that gets fucking boring after about half an hour.

[@OrangeyChocolate]

Kurt Rustle Seems to me like you’ve taken the review pretty seriously, seeing as how you keep popping up all over the comments vehemently defending the game. Can’t be enjoying it that much if you’re spending so much time trying to justify it.

[@OrangeyChocolate]

Kurt Rustle Wow, resorting to personal insults. Running out of things to say? :) The game is just another piece of junk in a junk genre. I can’t see why you’re getting so angry about it.

[@strawman5300]

Kurt Rustle dude relax. You are not helping the game by acting like a Alpha ape who discovered that all the males bang his females behind his back

[@komodochiya]

I mean...you could've just got the leather from a few dodos, moschops and a lystro? You didn't have to run around after five triceratops Arks okay, just a heavy grindfest.

[@jloesche88]

I remember watching that first Conan video when it came out. Which means I've been watching Yahtzee videos for a decade. Fuck I'm old.

[@SPQRKlio]

I think I’ve discovered the best Zero Punctuation of them all. (Have been hugely enjoying my trip through years and years of these... Glorious.)

[@OzrikTentakles]

Guess he never found the singleplayer server settings. Could have gotten 100 stone with one pick axe blow.

[@GretgorPooper]

Oh boy, Yahtzee always brings me joy when he rips apart a generic cheap licensed cash grab.

[@andregon4366]

4:54 DEAR GOD indeed D:

[@TheOdd]

One of the funniest things about this game to me is that the nudity is a 5 star rated dlc.

[@xandergrim7226]

Not included in the ESRB versions of the game

[@Qilue]

Correction - Not included in the console versions of the game.

[@strawman5300]

Kurt Rustle ther is now

[@Ryanska_u]

My mother played this game in the 90s where early access games were popular. She loved it so much :')

[@BenjaminSteber]

I can't believe he abandoned Thinderella. That was like the closest thing ZP has had to a Waifu.

[@MeleeTiger]

"L, O, and further more, L" XD

[@JSone4Design]

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! That was a fucking jump,” says the angsty British Curly.

[@TheBangooman]

This game. as most other survival games, is only fun when you chose custom difficulty and set it to receive 20 stacks of materials for swinging your pick once or twice, otherwise it's just a chore simulator.

[@Wallaceshead]

My brother and I play a game called "take a shot every time a woman is described as 'supple'" in the original Conan stories. We fall asleep to the sweet embrace of alcoholism every night.

[@alan419barriga]

Conan Exiles is my first survival game and right now it is my favorite game because of all the stuff a player can get into, specially in pvp servers. I bought it when it was on early access a year ago and it was the most glitchiest most unfinished game i have ever played. I logged back in once it got an official release and the game is really polished. Yeah there are a few bugs and lag but overall im having so much fun playing this game. I also went back to watch the original Conan movie to see more of that world.

[@KiesandNoob]

I think that it's interesting to see how the "you lose everything on death," the "you need to manually equip things," and the "you need to figure it out yourself" mechanics, which were all present in minecraft way back in, what, 2012(?), are now being reintroduced to new games, as if they were never around to begin with.

[@keltickope8155]

Lol you think minecraft was first here?

[@inviktus1983]

Colon: Textiles

[@armyguy4124]

" Ell oh and furthermore Ell" 😆 😆 😆

[@LordDeathwing17]

I still get a kick out of “giggle zones” and “Arbeit Macht Thighs”

[@atomicLord97]

first time ive seen a video by this man so soon after it was posted

[@narutoultimajm]

Oddly enough, it didn’t sound like you completely hate this one 😂

[@Dreddpool82]

You can turn off the Drop everything on death so you keep your inventory if you happen to die. There is also god mode and a developers access panel, even in single player.

[@caolan1083]

Kinda defeats the purpose of the game doesn't it though?

[@rayanderson5797]

Joining a server and they "Might have nudity turned off" Well speaking as someone who has played quite a bit more of this game than I should have, I find that extremely fucking unlikely.

[@darthgorbag]

"What's he do, nibble your bum?" -- Sir Robin

[@mikairu2944]

Could we borrow a cup of flesh? 100% lost it here

[@DustinBarlow8P]

3:15 Those overly persistent spiders! lol

[@ReleasedHollow]

Yeah, the jump in tech didincrease quite a bit. I didn't find the stones too difficult for the tannery (a little illogical, sure) but that blacksmiths table hit me like a truckload of gigglezones.

[@BoostedMonkey05]

In the post ZP-Stream: Thinderella, the Necrophiliac Necromantic Naturist

[@SparkyRaichu]

He smirked at the joke, which he thought was lame and replied dryly: "El oh and furthermore El..."

[@icarusty6481]

"L, O, and furthermore L" is a dreadfully underrated joke in this episode

[@WingsOfADream1]

artificially inflated difficulty. its the new difficulty.

[@Firebird4Life]

And don't forget...unless you're playing Single Player or have your own server & change the settings, all your awesome base building and resource hoarding disappears after 6-15 days. Hope you don't ever want to stop playing for a while. Or if you PC/PS4 goes out of commission for a while. Then its back to the drawing board.

[@ELcoyote576]

Whats that skippy? Escapist just put up a new review! What good news 😁

[@RevGodKlown]

loved the gravel driveway line!

[@Ryotsu2112]

Crom is pleased.

[@langweiligesprofil4926]

Just hold X....no need to mesh.This is quite relaxing,since you dont have to put away your weapon..

[@davidmiler7831]

Ahhhh yes Conan with our favorite character thinereallla returns XD

[@clintbrew]

3:11 army of darkness reference when ash kills the deadite witch

[@dragonkeeper19600]

Push... Wheel...? Please, do you have a wheel? May I push it?

[@khankhomrad8855]

3:11 A BLOOD reference! Nice!

[@TheRyano4ever]

Aww that cute little hooded vulture :D

[@Wamboo101]

Arbeit macht Thighs. My sides went into a new dimension

[@thenifty5019]

LOL, it sounded like he enjoyed it and was like, okay cool, im done!

[@jonathanhodges8752]

I'm only here because it's free on PlayStation this month and I'm still gonna get it haha

[@blueninjanoname7338]

The survivalists has a slave mechanic, its monkeys and they're pretty good.

[@TheImmortalPwnage]

Finally a funny escapist

[@supervamp78]

the secret world is still going strong yhatzee

[@lecafard4327]

I would also like to add, console owners beware. The game plus updates takes up nearly half your base hard drive space. And removes the nudity option on PS4. I might have continued playing but got tired of having to delete everything else every time i wanted to play something different for a few minutes.

[@nicholaspadilla4943]

Nice Evil Dead reference there Yahtzee

[@markhettenbach3141]

Lampshades out of their flesh, excellent.

[@kdhlkjhdlk]

Conan doesn't really craft stuff. He steals it.

[@Ch50304]

Your reviews are always so funny.

[@CaptainDoomsday]

I have never even seen gameplay of this game, but I have played this game like 5 times.

[@DrRushGaming]

Crom is pleased

[@jacksondillon5018]

It legit took me no time at all to build a base and get gear and a small army haha trick is too set up outposts with gardens ps you can up the respawn rates and stuff if you are solo or co op or just look for a server you prefer

[@Sergeantmajormario]

This has to be my favourite Yahtzee review, just the second half of it kills me XD

[@oscara8454]

Thinderella is back!!!!

[@whitefox411-gamer7]

By golly, someone missed there morning coffee.

[@SuperWolfman9]

But does the Rock Flipflop fit Thinderella's Foot? Prince Conan needs to know.

[@thegreatcalvinio]

Little does he know there is the Sexiles mod...

[@TheGuardDuck]

That "DEAR GOD" censor block made me lose it!

[@explosivooo]

Omg.... a game where you not only have to grind stuff for yourself AND your base but also grind for the NPCs gear?! Not to mention the NPCs themselves?! Soooo in other words you can't play it by yourself because the moment a guild finds you all your hard work goes up in smoke. So you are forced to join a guild and listen to some guild leader twat with a god complex desperately hold onto the fantasy that he's actually in charge of people for once before another guild comes along and enacts ironic justice taking away literally everything meaningful in his life.

[@blacksun54]

not quite the single player version is offline. but ya if you wanted to be solo in one of the multiplayer servers that would be about right.

[@CylonObi]

or you can play singleplayer, or you can play on PvE server OR you can play on PvE conflict server where u can still fight others, but your hard earned stuff is safely behind your walls, and player bases are untouchable. The amount of options is quite impressive, and other survival games could learn from Conan exiles. wink wink Rust. :)

[@blacksun54]

oh yes I agree, been eyeing conan for a wile now thinking about adding it to the growing mountain of survival games I own

[@hi13760]

Or you could play on a PvE server

[@poo55555]

explosivooo There are PvP servers if you choose to play on them and PvE servers. The most interesting server type is the PvE Conflict server. It blends rule types from both PvE and PvP. People cannot touch your buildings but during peak game use hours you can go and murder folks all you want and take their stuff if you want. Problem with PvP is that it devolves into Player v Base. People just destroying your stuff while you are away. PvE is weird because where people cannot break your shit they can certainly steal from it as all crafting stations are unlocked.

[@manukrish731]

Where did his Judging by the cover series go? I loved that series

[@khadesru]

i wonder how he search for such good and graphic artwork like that bollocks at the end

[@psmitty840]

Whoa, haven't heard of Boris Valejo in a long time lol. Even when I had heard of him, didn't think many others did.

[@johnalsoplayspiano2928]

i have

[@bloodvue]

What else am I going to airbrush on the side of my sandman

[@niriusbosc7973]

You made me laugh Yahtzee. Thank you.

[@christoffertornquist3373]

Yep... sounds about right.

[@Tomcat563]

3:41 WOT!

[@LaborVoicesInc]

this one was really good zero.

[@MellowDarkflower]

Just throwing it out there that there are PvE, PvE-Conflict (set PvP times), and PvP servers. Also, Sexiles is the name of a lewd mod.

[@ramonaray4307]

I feel the need to point out that playing in single player is possible. I've done it to game end. It's my preferred way of testing things for later so I'm not bumbling around on multiplayer servers.

[@commandercorner5575]

The game is much better in multiplayer. You can even find some people that have spent days and days building their base and crafting crazy weapons and armor, and in their hubris have put their characters to sleep, not expecting a lowly level 2 to happen upon them and steal literally everything because they neglected to build a roof for their fortress.

[@ElimRawne]

Crom saw this and was pleased! Hahahaha !!!

[@thedreamer6930]

If you're wonder if it's worse now... its online only as well now... yep they just made it online only without telling anyone and the fan bois love it.

[@samuraijack5919]

Been a long time since you mentioned Borris Vallejo, yahtz