Alone in the Dark: Illumination (Zero Punctuation)

[@MisterKittah]

I always watch your reviews before buying a game. I havent bought a game in years...

[@azzzanadra]

"why do you not watch game reviews mr?" "think about it, why?" the boy ponders, thinking about why the old man does not wish to watch game reviews even though they are for his benefit. and then it hit him "because if you did, you wouldn't enjoy playing video games anymore."

[@electromancer2645]

@@azzzanadra honestly this is pretty true

[@azzzanadra]

@@electromancer2645 i guess listening to reviews stirs our imagination into believing that the game we hear about is the worst game ever when it is clearly not, or that simple flaws are not acceptable. watch yahtzee's review of red dead redemption, you would think it's a bad game when he himself stated it was good.

[@chukyuniqul]

@@azzzanadra it's the viewer's duty to learn to read between the lines, especially with someone who self id's as more of an entertainer than a reviewer.

[@azzzanadra]

@@chukyuniqul he speaks his mind, but even he can change his opinion as future reviews show.

[@EnsignGeneric]

"As opposed to all those lovely well-illuminated crypts, where all the dance parties take place." I mean, one does hear stories about the Paris Catacombs

[@aidankircher8865]

Crypt of the Necromancer would like to know you're location

[@iim4xii129]

1:23 "You're getting a FULL review!" 4:37 "I'm going to review the remainder of the missions from their names alone..."

[@Banalytical]

The duality of man

[@iim4xii129]

@@Banalytical The stupidity of man*

[@K4RN4GE911]

"See how easy it is?! I just made that up!!" I want to say this to Hollywood so fucking bad right now. Enough of the reboots, remakes and reallys, as in really, really, really, really, really, really dumb.

[@lordfury18]

K4RN4GE911 sorta wish they did that with horror movies seriously sharknado by far the WORST thing they could ever make and there's a 3rd one on the way HOW IS THERE A 3RD ONE !!!!!

[@DJDufff]

***** cx

[@CasaiAgicap]

Ookami inazuma Well...Sharknado isn't a Hollywood movie. It's made by Syfy Films (as in, the TV channel) and distributed by a company who specializes in B movies. People watch it because it's the epitome of "so bad it's good." So, they know the movies aren't good. That's kind of the point. I apologize if you're just joking and being sarcastic, but it's not exactly obvious.

[@surge06]

Am I the only one who is still upset by how Silent Quarries was cancelled?

[@madshots9334]

Whats that. the new silent hill by the cycopath i am quite fond of, hideo kajima.

[@CD-Gaming]

Matthew Rubenstein Yes! With those damned Achievements/Trophies like the 4 hours EyeSpy game and that flaming Hop Scotch minigame! Thanks! I'm gonna be having nightmares about that song again for another week now!

[@sentretsparkle]

So, wait a minute. Let me get this straight. The game is called "Alone in the Dark". The objective is to use 4 players to expose monsters to light and kill them. So... You aren't alone, and you aren't in the dark. Wow.

[@AK3601]

Had more fun with Obscure 1.

[@thestigsdutchcousin]

Rename it to "Together in the Light". Or better yet, dump it in the bin and forget about it.

[@sentretsparkle]

@QQQ This comment is 3 years old and you felt the need to add a completely unnecessary reply? Yeah the original was good, I never said it wasn't.

[@theshuman100]

A game called "in the"

[@jdlenl]

4:41 Crypt of the Necrodancer.

[@yanipheonu]

Yeah it's a special kind of embarrassing when ALONE in the Dark is a co-op game.

[@Krebons1200]

At least it doesn't have a santa clause suit like Alone in the Dark 2 did... Right?

[@Bluecho4]

Krebons1200 No, at this point I'd welcome the Santa Clause suit. It would at least be weird. I can get behind weird. Co-op horror is so boilerplate now.

[@VioletDeathRei]

Bluecho4 Saying Co-op Horror Shooter is like saying Zombie Survival Minecraftrip ripoff. Your mouth starts to taste bad before you even finish the words, like a child trying to finish the green mush on their plate with the worst part being someone is going to make the same thing for dinner tomorrow.....

[@darkmantlestudios]

Alone in the dark "illumination" no less.

[@YouSoSpice]

What, don't you guys love co-op games? Especially HORROR co-op games? Don't you wanna share the spooktacular experience with your friends for some extra spooks and hilarious scarecam footage?

[@TheTrohl]

Good news, everyone. Final Facility VII is getting a reboot.

[@Francesco-wi1ut]

But what about Final Facility VI?

[@SnancyNegative]

Francesco Violano I know that was everyone's favorite, but c'mon we didn't sell 15 million copies of Final Facility XIV - A Production Line Reborn, so you can wait a couple of years while we make another Crypt Plunderer reboot. This time we're just calling it Cleara Rockefeller, named after the main character, of course!

[@TheTrohl]

Francesco Violano Wasn't this released as Final Facility III?

[@SnancyNegative]

TheTrohl Yes, but Final Facility III was something completely different than what the United Arab Emirates knows as Final Facility III. Final Facility III takes place in the early 20th century / late 19th century, where 4 orphans meant to represent the four elements of the Steam Age must work long hours in fields and/or in factories for very little pay. It's said to be the hardest in the series. Meanwhile, Final Facility VI, what we know as Final Facility III, takes place in a fantastical setting where labor laws have pretty much wiped out the use of facilities, where such things are only now being emulated by something called Magic Tech, or technology as emulated by magical means.

[@backgroundcharacter6690]

But guys final facility 4 was the best.

[@theescapist]

"But I really think the series has only been going downhill since Final Facility VII."

[@noahasbury3301]

Pls pls Pls make a demo for your new game

[@SnowyDragoon]

Am I the only one that enjoyed final facility x and xiii?

[@AlluMan96]

Escapist I dunno. I'd say Final Facility VII was the slight beginning of the decline and had for a long while wobbeled between steap declines and victorious returns to form. I'd only really say that it was XIII that successfully slam dunked the series into "Lost hope" territory. ....I'm sorry for taking this joke too seriously...

[@coalhalo]

I didn't like VIII that much. IX is one of my favorites in the series. X is another one I really enjoyed, (especially being on the new system when released), X-2 didn't do much for me. Have not played XI, nor XIV. I think I am one of the few people who liked XII. And XIII seemed to be lacking something.

[@coopercaller]

Bad pun is bad

[@xachdosson4748]

Everyone's raving about this "Final Fantasy VII" joke, but I can't get over the fact that he mentioned Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds!

[@MadMontyMN]

"Shamrock Shake to the eyeballs" got an audible chuckle from me.

[@hannahschrenk7981]

"The scenery's in cahoots". For some reason that phrase was very funny. Probably because I've played games with similar problems, and there's nothing more frustrating than having the world literally be against you in a game.

[@lordgenerias]

A mild remembrance of George Carlin's musings on the concept of the flamethrower. At some point in history, someone uttered the words 'boy, I sure wish those people were on fire, but I'm way too far away to get the job done. If only there were some way to THROW FLAME on them.' That would have been the end of it, but he happened to mention it to his friend. His friend that was good with tools. *Jet of flame spurts from a nozzle, igniting the general area* 'Say, mighty interesting idea ya had there!' *Turns handle, causing nozzle to spew flames toward a nearby building* 'You invented a f***ing flamethrower. Of course you did.'

[@yochlel2642]

The hunter should probably be careful with that flamethrower, or else he'll end up needing some ALOE In The Dark.

[@Technotoadnotafrog]

Ooh, nice burn

[@CaptainDoomsday]

I love that they pull out the gem of the word "sonorous" and apply it to a sewer. Of all the things which are more potent when making sound, a sewer isn't scary in the intended way when filled with a chorus of echoing shits.

[@TheSmegPod]

I'd say "Creepy Crypt" sounds more like a Spyro level than a Banjo-Kazooie level

[@420praiseit2]

Thanks for making videos so often! You're one of the last youtubers I can rely on these days, always making insane metaphors and deliciously cynical content, that I know and love so well. You're my favorite youtuber, Yahtzee. Thank you!

[@Shakes-Off-Fear]

Completely agree about the Toowong station bit

[@jonathankent1517]

An _Alone in the Dark_ game where you're surrounded in bright light? I was going to say that's like a Sonic game where you move really slowly, but then I remembered that _Sonic Labyrinth_ exists.

[@Anschlagen]

As a Brisbanite, I really enjoyed the Toowong reference!

[@zachharrison1885]

"It's like online dating all over again!" God damn that killed me xD

[@GREATGAIWAIN]

Wow, Yahtzee predicted Crypt of the Necrodancer. That is amazing.

[@LlorracTN]

So they got rid of the 'Dark' and now got rid of the 'Alone'. So is this game just called "In the"?

[@tbonevideos23]

Nope Together in the fire

[@simonenoli4418]

They swapped alone with dick and dark with ass

[@LlorracTN]

tbonevideos23 This man deserves a round of applause!

[@TehCakeIzALie1]

Llorrac TN '...in the...: Illumination', to be precise. Not to be confused with 'Alone in the ...' or '...in the Dark'.

[@timedragon1]

Llorrac TN BUT WAIT! Soon it shall take place solely outside and just be "the"

[@NomnomJawsnomnom]

Coming this fall, a heartwarming tale of survival, sacrifice, and ultimately, redemption. Tom Hanks stars in a Ron Howard film, "The Murgh became Vurgh in Lurgh."

[@Heavysweating]

…so it's like shitty mix of Left 4 Dead and Alan Wake?

[@Heavysweating]

***** but that "kill the monster when they're in light" is basicly ripped off from Alan Wake

[@Floydthefuckbag]

*Heavy sweating* Yeah basically. Which is disappointing to me because L4D mixed with Alan Wake sounds awesome if it was done competently.

[@craniifer]

Floydthefuckbag Like a more buffed out version of American Nightmare.

[@xdguy2569]

Also, literally the Spitter from L4D2.

[@lordfury18]

*Heavy sweating* pretty much >.< we burn it

[@LukaBlight69]

3:56 I pictured that conversation being between Abraham and Father Gabriel XD

[@allenhernandez3350]

This has aged poorly

[@simpleexplodingmaybe]

The light thing was good and made sense in Alan Wake. I wish there was a new open world more story driven/detective mystery type Alan Wake game. Searching for clues and stuff in the day, seeking out clues or safe spaces during the evening, uncovering the mystery of the darkness. It was such a cool concept it was a bit of a shame that it got a bit run and gun towards the end.

[@isabelfolland3830]

I love that he mentioned Toowong station. No one outside of Brisbane Australia would get that.

[@AshyGr33n]

"Monster turn vulnerable when in the light" You know, I wouldn't say no to a co-op Alan Wake game.

[@inkajoo]

Let's all be alone *together*.

[@joshuaarmstrong8664]

yeah, lets be alone together, in the daylight, with plenty of ammunition, lol

[@maskedengineer6293]

I don't HATE this game, I just pity the entire thing as a whole. Alone In The Dark, a once-venerable monument in gaming history, being the progenitor of survivor horror as a genre, now reduced to a fifteenth-rate Left 4 Dead knockoff.

[@petrarcheleven8816]

So this really is "The Adventures of Edward Carnby: Serial Arsonist."

[@EXHellfire]

"because it should be put back there, with extreme force!" Oh Yahtzee

[@michaelbrierley2990]

This is probably my favourite review yet

[@bloodycrow01]

Been thinking the same as Yahtzee for so long (regarding multiplayer games) and went through the exact same thing he did when playing this game... even as far as creating a room and waiting 30 minutes to see IF ANYONE even does as much as enter it, always thought this game might have something interesting but oh boy was I wrong to get it before it was launched

[@Bloodgaze]

When he explained the light weakness I was about to disagree with him because I thought the plant idea of of sounded interesting and sort of made sense, like nature conquering death. Then sort of embarrassed that it wasn't the game he was talking about.

[@Vile_Oreo]

Watching these at 0.5x speed is something I didn't think I needed in my life until I did it.

[@inigo137]

Can't you change the name of the channel to Zero Punctuation already?

[@rudyhero1995]

inigo137 the escapist owns this channel and they have other series (though they don't publish them on yotube...)

[@Oinkmanfilms]

And Burn It Shall why not escapist zero punctuation?

[@akabiscuitwaffle]

James Lewis and now they're closed

[@kodypavic6075]

inigo137 Why does the name matter?

[@stuartconrod8364]

inigo137 Someday they might land another content producer worth a da- ... Nope, couldn't get that one through with a straight face. They really do seem to have a knack for driving off their talent.

[@AUSTINwazhere]

That Hatfall game is hilarious. My favorite part was running an LTD. I did so well they threw me a party.

[@Lyubimov89]

Original AitD protagonsit looks like a character from Leisure Suit Larry. I bet that if he was voiced, he would have a squeaky Porky Pig voice and a craven persona to go along with it.

[@CaylexT]

Did anyone else see the title, swear under their breath and exclaim, "you've got to be kidding me"? How exactly did another Alone in the Dark game get made after the last one? They already got upstaged by Alan Wake, a game where you spend a large portion of the game in the dark and alone (but still didn't live up to the hype or scratch that survival horror itch that at this point has been so omnipresent it might as well be a medical condition).

[@adnanaouad5771]

How has he never reviewed Fantasy World Dizzy?

[@Xlanzilla]

because it would be unfair to show kiddies decent paralax scrolling :3

[@adamdavies1990]

Adnan Aouad He did a let's play on his channel of it.

[@eurovisioninspace]

Bahahaha I appreciate being local enough to know where Toowong is and why you shouldn’t catch the city line from there after 8pm (or especially the Ipswich line)

[@LeftoverCultureReview]

In all fairness, Toowong is one of the nicer stations on the line.

[@TheIndesisive]

A 12 minute long unskippable advert before a 5 minute video. Fun.

[@heavyhebrew]

That feeling you get when listening to a Zero Punctuation review of Alone In The Dark, lose track of his train of thought while smoking a fat bowl, catch up and still get the gist of his complaint because of how long this poor franchise has been milked like a dying cow still hooked into the automatic milker. Sad.

[@ThatDamnRaccoon]

dude, you just described my last 20 minutes

[@tyrannosaurus_wex]

4:43 way to fucking spooky scared me for life unsubbing.

[@krisa9022]

Bonus points for the obscure Toowong reference

[@jdjohnson1591]

I think we've found a good candidate for Yahtzee's bottom five.

[@angrygoose488]

I miss hearing him make references too Brisbane 🤣

[@triblast3977]

Remember the Uwe Boll film

[@capkovodna]

One does not simply speak of that blasphemy.

[@Shicksalblume]

@deathpyre42: Nah. I think the loophole in the German tax code Uwe Boll was abusing has been closed, so no more terrible video game movies from him just to avoid his taxes.

[@isalt5]

If only because of how shit it is, and because making low-budget movie adaptions of video games for the purpose of exploiting a legal loophole to get out of paying taxes is a shady move.

[@vcom741]

On Multiplayer. ProJared tried it. Guess what? When you pause, the "quit pause" button is closed behind a character sheet, I believe (sorry if wrong). And you can't click it. Clicking it will cause for the Character sheet to be clicked on, but since you are in the pause menu, IT DOESN'T WORK! Not even esc works

[@cheezemonkeyeater]

If you ask me, Final Facility 6 was really the high point of the series.

[@MrZdixo1]

I've never heard so many references relating to Brisbane from any youtuber

[@CrimsonMenace1]

Laughed my ass off (it is currently on my bedroom floor) watching his Judging by the cover video.

[@leonidas566]

The Nick Cave and the bad seed joke god dammit x'D

[@DominicGreenwood]

I used to love alone in the dark :( I had A new Nightmare on ps1 and it was great

[@wheremybike]

OH MY GOD, IT'S BEAUTIFUL! THE ENTIRE ESCAPIST CHANNEL IS COVERED IN YELLOW! IT'S LIKE SOME ONE MADE SOUP, THEN REMOVED THE SOUP AND FILLED THE BOWL WITH MUSTARD!

[@crookydan]

That music gets me every time :3 fucking beast of a tune!

[@sevnsevn679]

Could you quite possibly do a Helldiver's review? It's a highly satirical fast paced isometric twin stick co-operative shooter what smacks of a glorious mashup of starship troopers, halo, x-com with a little bit of Warhammer 40k (I like to think of the Helldiver's as a soft of stepping stone between the imperial guard and the space marines.) The catch with the co-op is that friendly fire is always on, this isn't a huge problem however as if you are hosting you can simply kick anyone who is souring the mood with no vote or delay, their avatar falls down dear and they're booted all the way back to the title screen for their shenanigans, friendly fire does add quite a bit of challenge as it means that you can either save your allies from a horrible death with a well placed shot, or grant them a relatively painless one. "I'd expect any of you to do the same for me!"

[@NotAGoodUsername360]

The opposite of a hill is a valley, not a quarry. A quarry is manmade and dug out of the ground, usually for the purpose of mining, whereas valleys are naturally occurring depressions in terrain. So it actually should be "Silent Valley", not "Silent Quarry". And incidentally there happens to be a park named "Silent Valley" not too far from where I live.

[@Ohhnowisee]

Nothing makes me happier than a firefly reference

[@Dibbysins]

i didnt even know toowong station still ran at 1am in the morning...

[@PaddletailPhilly]

Can't hear any sound in Hatfall's browser version :(

[@emanueljuandavid8821]

Incredible review.

[@TakoyaKyono]

I agree whole heartedly, the series HAS gone down hill since Final Facility VII!

[@spiderjerusalem100]

The 2008 Alone in the dark game was a rancid bag of pig bollocks and vomit and they somehow managed to make this one even fucking worse than that one! That deserves some kind of award.

[@JimJava007]

5:00 Sounds more like the title of the next Lemony Snicket book to me.

[@Robbay363]

I think the co op is so you can complete multiple objectives simultaneously.

[@Based_Papa]

To all of you bitching about him doing Arkham Knight, go check the official website.

[@TheSuddernator1]

The Nick Cave joke sure had unfortunate timing!

[@angeldeb82]

LOL so hard at the funny bits. Especially when the words became mumbles and the level names are so funny! XD

[@Yenastuundepaspris55]

''Enemies that become vulnerable in light''... Sounds like Alan Wake's game ?

[@Never_heart]

I am still waiting for him to learn about the FEAR mmo.... which is the series that he has already critiqued about the co-op focus in the 3rd game

[@nightsage217]

Judging a game by itself sounds like a terrible idea, I would love to watch it.

[@stasikpetrov]

Care to review Crypt of the Necrodancer? It was released a couple of months back.

[@kamaleyonvt]

I played one for the ps2... And it was horrible, why does every map pointer point me at a wall, why was it all on fire, what was the sound design, this is a game i wouldnt wish upon my worst of enemies, instead i would hang them and myself

[@ihaveanosthedirector]

"So the first time you know of its presence is the moment you get a shamrock shake to the eyeball" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

[@MonochromeXC]

"a well illuminated crypt where all the monsters dance around" crypt of the necrodancer? anyone?

[@TSFF18]

Was A New Nightmare really THAT bad? I remember having fun with it...until I got stuck after the second or third boss on the guy's route and literally couldn't figure out what to do. To be fair, I was like 13-14 when I played it.

[@MechWomanWarrior15]

Silent Quarry "Oh, I see what you did there." XD

[@drvijayakumarkumar9473]

Cooooool

[@pokemonmanic3595]

"Well illuminated crypt where all the dance parties are" *cough* Crypt of the Necrodancer *cough*

[@Canadiansamurai]

It really says something when longtime fans like Projared, Angry joe and Jim sterling had nothing nice to say about this game

[@Vashtanerada477]

Wow, a fucking Nick Cave reference. Never expected to hear anyone make one of those. Shout out to Peaky Blinders.

[@soulreaverable]

Where's the Hatfall review Yahtzee?

[@boystantoytle5520]

Is judging by the cover out?

[@thespacecowboy420]

So it's basically Angel Summoner and the BMX bandit lol

[@alexcampbell8120]

Everyone knows Final Facility VII is the best one. People who say Final Facility VI is the best are just plain crazy.

[@alexcampbell8120]

TheGenerationExtreme TGX Final Facility XIII is also a good game. It's not great. But it's certainly not as bad as people like to say it is. It's just kind of ok.

[@Seaz333]

Alex Campbell Nah, Final Facility X is easily the best.

[@thegooseinator9614]

Final Facility Tack Kits is pretty good too.

[@markostamenkovic8350]

Alex Campbell Final Facility XV is gonna be the best one, because it's not gonna feature a not so exciting turn based combat. Hell, Final Facility XV demo alone is more fun than the entire franchise so far.

[@jamesharrison658]

final facility XV was an amazing game; gripping story, awesome combat, great music. shame final fantasy XV was shite though

[@TheWayoftheSith]

Why did they bother? They must have been contractually obligated to make another game, and got distracted with making another game and forget at some point that they where supposed to finish the game, then couldn't be bothered to polish it up before vomitting it into a steam sale.

[@aleksandrbear6095]

They missed the opportunity by calling the level quiet quarry, not silent quarry....or maybe questionable quarry?

[@unclegubsy8509]

Nick Cave!

[@howisthatgay4275]

The metacritic reference cracked me up, because that's precisely how I know about this game and why I'm here.!

[@ThatFanBoyGuy]

Sadly, I can picture Konami trying to reboot Silent Hill by calling the next installment either "Silent Quarry" or "Silent Valley"

[@GuyOnAChair]

accquizzer They actually nearly did that if you watch the unnamed prototype by Western Devs set in Arizona.

[@LautrecOfCarim]

I feel like this is the right place to state that Hatfall is fucking awesome. Because it is.

[@Yust1234]

Wait there was a new alone in the dark game? When?

[@victusx]

"thats what happens when you try to get home from Toowong station at 1 in the morning" hahahaha its so fucking true it hurts

[@Maxonater5]

hey I live close to Toowong station and I take offense.

[@flexarnn]

I didn´t even know that this AITD was a thing

[@SoCalledSpaceAge]

I think you ignored AITD: The New Nightmare when mentioning the sequels. It wasn't so good it deserves special mention or anything, but it also wasn't as horrible as what came after. It introduced the whole "shine the light on monsters" BS, and adhered to RE's old school "find typewriter ribbons to save your game" crap as well.

[@Phrosen1]

Hooray for Nick Cave! =)