311. Resisting Positive Change? Self-Sabotaging? This is For You!

This one is all about how to tackle your resistance in a self-loving way. If you're trying to make positive changes or move towards your goals and you're having issues, I am talking directly to you! :) There's some real talk about negative thought patterns and toxic comparison in this one too - let's get into it!
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IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: My advice videos usually present a number of different possibilities and suggestions, some of which may be more relevant to your situation than others. Please ensure that you TAKE WHAT RESONATES AND LEAVE THE REST. None of the advice I offer is intended to be taken as gospel, and when I suggest certain exercises or mindset shifts, I am offering them to people GENERALLY rather than to you SPECIFICALLY. I don’t know your personal situation and my advice videos are therefore not made with you in mind. What might be great advice for one person to try might be terrible advice for you! You are ultimately responsible for your actions and decisions.
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Kelly-Ann Maddox
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PLEASE NOTE: It has become too difficult to respond to all snail mailers with hand-written ‘thank you’ notes but I still want to say thanks for everything I receive and let you know that it got to me, so please do include your email address!

[@radiantchristina]

when the student is ready the teacher will appear...that's my instant reaction to this video...i REALLY needed to hear this.

[@EvelineUK]

I was getting tired of constantly moving stuff from one to do list to the next because I hadn't done it, I now have a 'ta da!' list of all the things I have done. (can't take credit for it, saw it on a planner video a year or so ago.) Makes me feel so much more productive to look at the things I have done rather than the endless list of things that still need doing.

[@mtoffo2275]

EvelineUK love this, I'll try it out

[@thelight2696]

This video singlehandedly moved the mountain of my mind to release a tiny grain of sand in my heart thanks

[@SKMusic1985]

My best friend died this Christmas from a brain tumour. Our favourite film was Vanilla Sky & he really lived by the film quote "every passing minute is another chance to turn it around" - when someone so young passes, having been through the most horrific illness, you see just how much you can do in a day & how blessed you are to still be here. This was just a good reminder to not be so hard on yourself & that it's ok to be human & procrastinate sometimes...as long as you get a small chunk completed a day. I need to apply this to my marking for work, which overwhelms me every week! Thank you again Kelly-Ann! Always offering great advice!!!xx

[@kelly-annmaddox]

Thank you so much for sharing wisdom which comes directly from such a difficult experience in your life.

[@NightTimeDay]

This is just what I needed. I have been this way my whole life. I take the big steps to get where I want and even get right into things... but then I get overwhelmed, flounder and sometimes even quit outright. It makes it very hard to reach my full potential. These little mindset changes should hopefully help. I know learning self love has so far. :)

[@tanyaabel1543]

This video popped up in my feed today and I can’t express how much I needed this. So many helpful points and ah ha moments for me. Thank you so much.

[@kelly-annmaddox]

@@tanyaabel1543 I'm so glad it helped, darling 💘

[@Aerdine]

Thank you, thank you, thank you! I'm definitely guilty of beating myself up for not meeting my (often ridiculous) expectations. Even as I sat down to watch this video, I was so annoyed with myself for not getting an earlier start to the day, for not having gotten off the sofa yet, etc etc.. I really needed this reminder to turn my day around. Now I'm off to do some yoga in the sun! Sending you lots of love! x

[@sandymileski5486]

Thank you Kelly. I needed to hear this today. I didn't have the best blood pressure reading recently and being a habitual worrier I started spiraling downward into the dark hole of negativity. As a person who deals with anxiety and depression, I don't do well with medical stuff. Finances, my art career, raising a family, has it's moments and I deal with them as they come, but having to go to the doctor's office and seeing that damn blood pressure machine really sets me off. Thanks again Kelly. I hope you know what a blessing you really are.

[@marvinthemagi4931]

I always allow myself to get overwhelmed. Thanks for the tips Kelly-Ann, I will set realistic goals starting NOW!

[@fractalspore]

I fucking love you. You are saving my life right now.

[@kelly-annmaddox]

Nahhhh, you're saving your own life, babe! I'm just offering some materials but you're the one who has to actually absorb them, and you're doing it for your own progression because you ROCK! :D x

[@sammystein8]

This video is GOLD! Absolutely love the analogy of going against what the sat nav says! And how many nights have I written huge lists for the next day and told myself tomorrow is going to be a game changer? Too many. Thank you, as well, for opening up and sharing your experiences with your inner critic. There have actually been times when my inner bully has been toxic and told me that Kelly-Ann Maddox is on top of the world, and I'm just sitting in my pajamas ... blahblahblah ... so to be able to imagine that you have done the very same thing is encouraging and pretty funny in a way. Much love!

[@marchbushnell-lane9147]

OMFG! This! So much all of this! Especially the to-do list bit! I have been panic stricken by my to-do list for months and it's put me off doing any of it because I just can't face it. I totally need to give myself permission to take it back to the bare minimum and be proud that I have done that bit. Every huge goal is a series of baby steps. God, this video is so powerful. And such a great reminder for me too that I have to keep working at being self-loving. And also that comparison is toxic and I really have to work at stopping that too. Thank you so much for this video.

[@blakesworld149]

I found these because I kept seeing angel number 311, so I typed it in KZbin and found this. IM AM BEYOND GRATEFUL BECAUSE I NEED THIS SO MUCH 😩

[@sammisearle]

Defo fall into the 'give yourself way too much to do, then beat yourself up' category. Get all excited the day before, write an EPIC list that no human could possible achieve in one day. Then obviously fail and berate myself. Training self out of it now thankfully....excellent vid as usual lady.

[@BreFaucheux]

Kelly Ann, this was so amazing! I was talking to a friend about this same issue the other day. I was stressing over having to find a new job. She told me not to think about it as finding a new job, but just "today I have to send out five resumes." That really helped my psyche so much. Reframing the sense of time is also very helpful. Thank you for this!!!

[@Chas6001]

So timely! Love you Kelly Ann

[@carmentheveganpt3643]

This video right here!!! So much truth. I can not tell you how much I needed to hear this 💜

[@mtoffo2275]

"don't tell yourself you lost an hour just because you fucked up the first ten minutes" ouch, this is me, I can feel the pain of realization :)

[@AuthenticallyChad]

These are important lessons for me at all times. I especially need the reminders about healthier relationships with time and unrealistic expectations for my self. Thank you for sharing these messages. Much love!

[@Nee.333]

I needed to hear this! Thx!

[@angelinaalarcon132]

Thank you for such an amazing video. This is me in a nutshell. I am trying to work hard on this so I can achieve my goals. May the the universe bless this channel and viewer. Much needed inspiration 💫💢

[@peacefulpurpose6982]

You are amazing this is so freaking accurate

[@armarissiurano6759]

Fear of change is such a primal thing for me. Your video just got those cogs in my brain moving. Thank you so much for the inspiration!

[@IsaoftheMoon1]

Oh my goodness. This is so me. I make list upon lists of what I need to do then do next to nothing. Thinking about it just overwhelms me. But on the other hand there is so much I want to do with little time to do it, coupled with my piss poor memory. So I right everything down. Also I have been working on decluttering but that has been a very daunting task as well. I most definitely will try what you are suggesting. Small doable goals. I really needed to hear this :D

[@leac.3559]

This is such good stuff, thank you Kelly-Ann. The neuropathways part was mind blowing. Namaste, beautiful!!!

[@caroljohnson2661]

Once again you have totally nailed this subject! Not only did this totally resonate with me but I'm making sure my husband is going to watch this. Thank you so much for sharing your experience and wisdom. :-D

[@lisan.9234]

I love you Kelly-Ann.

[@SKMusic1985]

Had to come back to this today…really struggling with a job application & I know it’s fear of succeeding or moving forward because of not feeling like I deserve it. Off to the altar I go!!!

[@Periwinkle9876]

Finding the why, love it. Taking action with the bare minimum and pushing through the resistance, love it. Recognizing and changing negative self talk to avoid self sabotage, love it. There isn't anything I didn't love about this video. All of it so very true in my life experience. Keep it coming! ✨🌙✨

[@g_runswithwolves6366]

You are awesome. Love your sweater! 😍

[@dreamlikeskye4857]

This is totally me. I expect myself to be superwoman, or at least to be able to do as much as I used to before I had my son, and I just cannot do that because I'm the primary carer to a toddler and I totally beat myself up about not being able to do all the things! (haha) This was so helpful, as per. Thank you for sharing.

[@crafternoons5303]

I needed this so much 🖤🖤🖤 thank you Kelly Ann x

[@hlb0111]

Thank you for this. Thank you for being so real and sharing that you battle this too, and reminding that this is a daily, conscious effort. I need to listen to this again and again. Self-love is so so hard.

[@lilredheaded1]

Thank you!!!! 🙏💖🤗💖🙏

[@betterlifebroadcasting7547]

Omg.. so funny..I found 3 different reasons to pause this video before I was even a couple of minutes in! I sooo needed this today! Thank you.

[@NightWillowCrafts]

Totally needed this 💜 I'm just starting to prep to move on my own, like really early stages like oh maybe this summer I'll pick up a set of forks and spoons for when I move out. It's the step I think I need to fully grow into the next phase of life. But it's terrifying to rely solely on yourself

[@NightTimeDay]

The prep is scary! I hope you have family and friends who can help you move into this new stage of your life! Living on your own is an exciting, liberating and very fun experience. The work and tough things that come with it will be well worth the knowledge that you can be happy and self-sufficient when living on your own. Enjoy the prospect of making it on your own, but don't be afraid to let others help you get there.

[@kimtsan]

I so need this right now...so much creative momentum but massive resistance!!! Omg.

[@kimtsan]

+Kimberly Tsan Tears brimming in my eyes when you said "sit with your desire" :') thank you so so much for this video

[@2bnatural503]

Good afternoon! Thank you so much for your message, I really needed this encouragement. I wish I could carry you on my shoulder to remind me. Thank you❤️

[@bkwes]

Wow, thank you Kelly. This video was so spot on for me and the message was delivered so beautifully. Also, I love the paceman top!

[@channelingchickadee2779]

This video speaks to me in so many ways. Thank you thank you thank you for sharing your wisdom and encouragement! Your words have helped me many times and I truly appreciate your guidance. 💜

[@creedthoughts]

Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts with the world, Kelly-Ann! I can't express how massively helpful your words have been in my path to self-love.

[@WitchOvTheeWood]

Your metaphor of the neural pathways as GPS is perfect! Nicely said! :)

[@sacredseed1295]

some really great advice here- I love stealing from u the way u explain things, like ur verbage...it's great! And this will really help me with some of my clients and in my own life too. thank you love. xo

[@kelly-annmaddox]

+Sacred Seed Stealing from me?! LOL, that doesn't sound good!

[@merwenna]

Oh damn, this hit home in so many ways and I didn't even realize it. Thank you do much for this video!

[@peppermintsara]

i absolutely needed this push. i keep sabotaging myself by eating Junk food after working out...

[@softthistle]

Damn I was nodding along SO much with this! Thankfully my mental cheering squad tend to drown out the little shit that is my ego most of the time. It's hard work to do but like you say, SO worth it! Have shared this and I hope all my friends watch it.

[@kelly-annmaddox]

+Marylin SoftThistle Thank you for sharing and I hope it helps others if they can manage to sit through, like, half an hour of me!

[@softthistle]

Kelly-Ann Maddox That's easily done tbh! :)

[@KaylaZmayla]

Oh my...this was awesome. Bless you, Kelly-Ann.

[@kp102971]

This is sooooo me!! I started a Senior Home Care business THREE years ago. Got l registered with the state, government, bought everything i think i will need to run this business; and then POOF...... I have spent the last 3 yrs after all that telling myself "who the hell will come to me for homecare when I clearly don't know jack about running a business. I am too shy to tell people about it. I have had many long talks with this annoying inner self and tried to put things into perspective, but alas, still nothing. It sucks when sometimes I feel so positive about it and have all these aspirations but the fear of SUCCESS, not failure is keeping me stuck. This video was very helpful and makes me say.... FINALLY..........someone gets it. YOu put into words so beautifully what is always spinning around this head of mine. Many thanks and well wishes!!

[@kelly-annmaddox]

+Kathrine Parry :D I am so pleased that it was helpful, babe. The whole 'who am I?' narrative is so common. You're not alone. But look, the beautiful thing is that you started the Home Care biz with the right intentions, with your heart in a good place.. You started it with a vision of what it could be in terms of how it could make the clients feel and how care could be given in a seriously heartfelt way, right? Well, we NEED that in this world, honey. There are too many people starting businesses like that just for money - their heart isn't in it. If anything, partner up with someone who knows about the technical business side of things so that you can get on with overseeing the training of the employees or bringing your creative touch to it. You can't be good at everything. You need to be able to delegate. I don't know where I would be without my accountant, for instance! No head for numbers whatsoever!! Plus, you can always set time aside to research and get clear on the things you don't really understand. I remember when blogging and making memes was terrifying to me. Now I do it all the time!

[@annabethunbound]

Oh Kelly I suffer from this problem of saying 'I've ruined the day' when I've only ruined like five minutes. My god I needed to see this today. You're a genius! And I agree we shouldn't think of time as a static block. Its so simple that I don't know why I didn't think of it before. And omg @ your writing analogy! I've been writing a fucking book for THREE YEARS! And I already know the fucking ending.

[@naraserene]

such perfect timing x

[@Beth-Lynne]

I watch your videos enthusiastically but it is so telling that I was resistant to even watching this video LOL but I am turning my bully off right now. I have been setting goals to eat healthier and friends visiting and my own resistance was getting in the way and each day when I messed up I was guilty of saying: "Well, this day is fucked," and then just sabotaging myself after that. Yesterday, in reflection, it came to me: Angel, just eat one healthy meal--just one . . . you can do that. And I thought, "Yup, that's totally doable" and today I was finally able to watch this video . . . which confirmed my inner wisdom and reaffirmed that the one healthy meal strategy is not failure -- it's just making it more manageable. As always I am ever grateful to find you on my journey.

[@Beth-Lynne]

I have no idea why part of it is crossed out LOL -- perhaps the universe has a sense of humor ;)

[@kelly-annmaddox]

Thanks so much for your comment, babe - I'm glad that the video helped! The strikethrough is created by suing dashes without spaces on either side of your text.. ;)

[@shnazzy]

So exactly what I needed to hear right now! Thanks for laying down such a clear and manageable road map.

[@greyghost3390]

Thank you so much for this video, it was really needed today!

[@Searcheroftruth_seer]

Kelly you are AMAZING THIS VIDEO REALLY RESINATED DEEP WITH IN ME AND MY CURRENT SITUATION, you gave total clarification thank you so much much love and light x

[@shufflingfate4703]

Kelly everything you said here has spoken to my heart. I don't think I have the words to truly show my gratitude for this video. I have been struggling with this all year. I am a major bully to myself. I keep trying to make all these goals, and I immediately ignore them. The little self confidence I have has been crumbling. I have been turning to my partner begging him to give me the self love and reassurance I so desperately need after these last few months of brutal let downs. Of course it is simple I just need to step outside myself and give myself the loving pep talk I would do for anyone else. Love myself as I would my sister, my mother, my niece, my best friend. The road map and gps really stuck in my head too. I think that is a great way of looking at it! I'm so impatient too I keep trying to do smaller and smaller steps but once I "fuck it up" I get so discouraged. I think you are right, my relationship of time is what is messed up. I have recently went from well this whole month is screwed to this week, to this day. Now I just need to think of the minutes, the seconds. Every moment is a perfect opportunity to say ok I didn't decide to do what I wanted a minute ago, but I can right now. Honesty from my whole heart, my thankful spirit, I want to give you a thousand kisses. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

[@kelly-annmaddox]

+Shuffling Fate 'Of course it is simple I just need to step outside myself and give myself the loving pep talk I would do for anyone else.' YES! You got it, honey! I'm so pleased that this was helpful! x

[@ZantiniDreams]

Thank you so much for this!

[@TheVentBench]

This is exactly what I needed to hear today, this week, this month. Thank you so much for making this video.

[@jenniferconnolly2691]

thank you for this video. needed it today.

[@hayleypage8733]

Wow, more great advice from you. It's crazy but your videos seem to always align with what I need to hear at that time. I can't wait to replay it later whilst l journal with your questions in mind. Thank you beautiful soul xxx

[@mayathemagi222]

Wow great video, thanks. This came across to me in meditation recently and you really provided some further clarification. Thanks!

[@UnfoldingSoul]

Thank you so much for this video. Every time I was your videos that talk about self love, I'm always like "I really needed to hear that" and feel better every time. THANKS Kelly :)

[@kelly-annmaddox]

+Unfolding Soul Thank you for watching, and I LOVE your username!

[@UnfoldingSoul]

Thanks! I'm new to the whole KZbin thing. Starting a channel tracking my spiritual journey. It's a little nerve racking lol. But I'm excited. Thanks for all your videos. They help so much! :)

[@LippyWitch]

i do this with my writing all the time. i get caught up and dont feel so bad about leaving it hanging when i am able to do a page or two rather then a chapter.

[@MirrorsofConsciousness]

I recognize many of these... and fall into some of those traps myself. Excellent video as always!

[@cynth7616]

Thank you so much for this! I have such a problem with this sometimes. Thank you!

[@rileyxu4645]

This is so relevant! Thank you thank you thank you. Sending love from Florida!

[@myfavourite-cutthroatrazor]

I'm late to this party, but sista, this pep talk saved my day. Ta!

[@LGP_Deviant]

Thank you I needed this🙏🙏

[@blairmirth6328]

I am like this right now with a few areas of my life that I am talking to myself thinking "come on woman, can't you be strong about this, can't you fucking face this" I truly believe there is a time to alert yourself of your B.S and there are times when you need to self nourish and nurture. WHY!!! Thank you for this video 1:11 for me.

[@icic5]

Wow thank you!!!!! needed this so much

[@lysippe444]

"poptarts" LOL, I say that to my critters all the time. Thank you for this video.

[@MetteFernSpirit]

I really needed to hear this today.... so very very much! Thank you

[@jeremyl.1675]

Hi there, Cutie pie!! I love your channel. great stuff!!!

[@heatherfeather5531]

Completely random....that shirt is giving me life!

[@kelly-annmaddox]

+Heather Feather :D

[@jadegrrrl]

Watching this whilst procrastinating over my last assessment for semester LOL inspiring though, going to coax myself into getting some shizz done :)

[@nightnymph4885]

This is incredible

[@EmylinJeen]

yeah ....thank you !

[@sarahsantiago1442]

very much need advice , thank you so much :)

[@paperkawaii]

Whoop! 💕 yeah.. This is me..

[@paperkawaii]

I recently read a book by Teal Swan, about self love, and she suggests asking yourself constantly, "what would someone who loved them self do?" .. The answer to this is quite scary sometimes, just a thought .. Really enjoying your vids ❤️

[@kelly-annmaddox]

+Paper Kawaii Woah. I LOVE that brain-shifting question so much!

[@sacredseed1295]

+Paper Kawaii ..really love that question! thanks

[@davidthomaswright]

Fabulous video, really spoke to me today

[@Jstarzy920]

thank you

[@pinkwitch5128]

I love it. Thanks

[@दर्द-ज2ल]

needed to hear this

[@SuzOfNine]

this is fantastic :)

[@hadleybayley3870]

This is so accurate. Thanks for this. Out of curiosity though, why all the colourful hair and self decorations?

[@TheEstanton5]

The problem for me is that I get everything together and start going and I'm doing great and then something horrible happens for instance I got my home office together a couple of months together got all my stuff together and my son got hit by a car on his bicycle and so or whole world has tired to getting him back on his feet literally why is this happening what is the universe telling me I can't handle these constant tragedies happening in my family

[@SageroseVin]

great video but that top! 😍

[@MrGeorgeJWallace]

thank you! thank you! do you have any suggestions for moving from a job to a career?

[@NinaStrandlod]

Love you!

[@MLElf]

Great video!! Where did you get your cool Pac man jumper?

[@McFraneth]

Everyone should go and live in Spain for a year or two. No Protestant guilt there. I ditched so much guilt (about showing anger, about staying in PJs all day, about dossing around generally) and I learned to fucking CHILL and get a grip on myself. The Spanish consider work as a means to a pay cheque to spend on fun and friends and family. So much more healthful. I was brainwashed from toddlerhood that it was about doing rather than being. In Spain it's about being. People are loved for who they are, not their flash job.

[@McFraneth]

As for the to-do list: THREE THINGS max. Then you end up doing a whole lot more anyway. I ADD shit I've done at the end of the day and take great pleasure ticking it off. Also, FUCK ambition if it's not you. Get down off the cross you nailed yourself to (or in all likelihood your parents' expectations nailed you). You'll have to grieve the old scared you, but there'll be space to simply breathe and not feel hunted all the time.

[@stacylamb980]

you are awesome. _/\_ namaste.

[@JoannaDeVoe]

My inner Super Woman is screaming at you to Fuck Off!!! 😉 LOL... The rest of me knows better. Great video. LOVE that you covered this from a number of angles. Different things work for me at different times.

[@holilex]

This is all well and good, if you HAVE a goal. what if there is no goal to begin with? what if you dont know what you want?

[@lemurianchick]

+holilex Then start with what you DON'T want. You must have interests, also. So whatever fascinates you, whatever topic you keep reading books and articles about, start to point in that direction. Any hobbies that are important to you.

[@holilex]

thanks lemurian chick, but theres nothing that holds my interest for longer that a few months. im 34 btw, so my last sentence is quite considered.

[@lemurianchick]

holilex That's awesome that you have so many diverse interests! Whatever those are, that is your starting point. Being 34 has nothing to do with anything. You're a baby to me, LOL. I think perhaps you are putting pressure on yourself precisely because of that aspect. And then it's making it harder to know which way to turn. Follow your bliss. Do things that take into account your talents. Maybe right now it's not going to be your income but just pursue whatever is interesting to you. It could be that you are too immersed in passive activities like watching videos and tv. Maybe you need to let go of that for now and focus on being creative instead.

[@holilex]

thanks for the positive vibes lemurian chick.

[@lemurianchick]

holilex You are welcome. Good luck to you:)

[@sedefhansoylucafé]

SUGAR BABE❤️❤️❤️

[@keitothekraken2656]

[@bodhifreespirit9435]

Please, I am used to listening to American English and find it difficult to undstand you sometimes. Would you mind speaking American in your videos as it is easier and more neutral ?

[@MrSamisue27]

it doesn't really work like that

[@earthsky2336]

Lol she can only speak like herself duh

[@littlebeartarot7692]

You have put so much meat into this video and each of these suggestions are actionable and realistic. Thank you so much!

[@sarahsantiago1442]

very much need advice , thank you so much :)