Bill Burr - Long Distance Hiking And Cruises

billburr.com/ and www.allthingscomedy.com/

[@chandyboi2976]

"Running, hearing your pots and pans clink clangin together" Bill is MASTER at painting a hilariously dark picture.

[@999predators]

That pots and pans line was one of the hardest laughs I've ever had. Such a funny image.

[@BENABONZO]

"The ocean is outer space on Earth." Wow, that's actually a pretty good description of how overwhelmingly fucking large and scary the ocean is.

[@gideon9849]

And space is infinitely larger

[@jevicci]

This guy can riff and improvise the funniest shit on any subject. Fucking love him, man.

[@bulletsmichael]

Agreed!

[@MrZeroBrains]

'and you're hearing your stupid pots and pans clink-clanking together' lmfaoooooo

[@ayem8709]

"What is the sound of having your face ripped off?" OMG

[@formusicplaylist1]

"It was the Law of the Sea, they said. Civilization ends at the waterline. Beyond that, we all enter the food chain, and not always right at the top." ~Hunter S. Thompson

[@danielbrown1724]

“Trees getting out of the way as this thing comes at you” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@BrittonUK]

I would love if your next special had like 30 minutes of "nature is scary as hell and here's some examples" cause every time you explain nature, I die.

[@RosscoFAM]

Britton Mahoney I agree. Bill your BEST STUFF is when u talk about wildlife, animals, chimpanzees, getting mauled, etc. Keep it coming

[@trevorrr4]

@@RosscoFAM his bit on "when animals attack" had me rolling. He talks about how people tell you to raise your hands to make yourself look bigger in front of a bear. He then equates to to an ant putting it's front legs up, "oh, that's a talented ant... Squish" 😂😂😂

[@OneEyedJackNLD]

YES!!! Those are my favorite moments when Bill is at the Joe Rogan Podcast. I know more about the UFC, DMT and the LA comedy scene than I wish I knew hahaha. Just something you have to get through in order to get to the good parts. Greetings from Holland

[@lupooflunarorigin120]

Bill, come to the UK and hike. the biggest thing left is a badger

[@tetdgjk]

My thoughts exactly ha

[@PLANETNAMIC]

fuck that, i'd rather see a bear than a badger.

[@lupooflunarorigin120]

But Bill was saying fuck going out hiking where animals can kill you. So I suggested here in the UK

[@DoubleMonoLR]

or New Zealand to have extremely un-scary wildlife, and good tracks.

[@lhaviland8602]

Beast of Exemoore?

[@htxflow]

10:34 this part has me in tears

[@vernonlowery7898]

knowing your gonna get caught your Strategy got your friend killed

[@bassjumpaofficial]

So fuckin funny😂😂 this dude is the best Love ya bill 👍

[@thecombatengineer7069]

Season 9 of “Alone” starring Bill Burr!

[@nellspop1]

best podcast EVER spit out my coffee twice thanks Bill

[@hkhat19]

That “oh Jesus” when he reads backpacking kills me every time 🤣🤣

[@fallout3freak360]

“Wiping your ass with pinecones” 😂😂

[@bspencer471]

GOOD ONE ! eating Jello with the band ......fucking fell off my chair . Life is too short to fear the Ocean Bill !!!!!

[@OneEyedJackNLD]

‘I'm not going on a cruise because I might have to get helicoptered out of there into a poor country to meet Dr. Harry Hackitoff. DIED!! Hahahaha

[@stevenbaylie]

Dr. Harry HackItOff... Hilarious!!

[@lunasanja4574]

How did we get from backpacking to Dr. Hairy Hackitoff lol

[@fistoffries]

OMG!! This was hilarious!! I don't want to go on a cruise or a hike now.

[@bulletsmichael]

Cried with laughter.

[@Flitalidapouet]

"You want me to leave my living room" 6:00 lol so funny.

[@theriotinside2013]

"Just keep your food away from your tent and you'll be fine." But...you ARE the food!

[@NitrousFox]

Been listening to the MM Podcast for years and this is by far his best bit ever

[@metal882]

Dude im in tears

[@elchappo1320]

All joking aside, bill is a wise man

[@hewasdeadwhenigotthere7109]

I fucking love this man

[@MSUParker]

These clips get me through the day working from home at my boring ass job

[@leapyear9460]

Oh man as a backpacker I have to say this is hilarious!!

[@brentpnw9091]

I do a lot of long distance hiking; mostly in Oregon, Colorado, and northern Cali. I've never had a problem with wildlife larger than a raccoon. I would definitely recommend going the first few times with someone more experienced and on shorter hikes. Anyone on decent shape can do 1-2 nights and hike 4-6 hours a day. The reward in testing yourself has been put into words by much better writers than me. Check out 'A walk in the woods' by Bill Bryson for a good one about an inexperienced hiker on the Appalachian trail. There is always risk, but I am more worried about breaking an ankle or running low on water than running into a bear while I'm in the backcountry. I would recommend hiking to anyone.

[@yehboi6646]

I loved my time on the PCT and the AT. It’s never a bad decision and it’s always going to be rewarding in a personal way.

[@angellacanfora]

It'd be great to see Bill on Survivorman....

[@theMondayMorningPodcastClips]

Yes it would!

[@htxflow]

Angel La Canfora I'm sure if we campaigned enough or blew up his Twitter, he'd do it

[@GAZAMAN93X]

Lee Smoove we fucking should!

[@SilencerXLR8]

I would pay for that

[@007georgetony]

Just give him something he can spray in the general direction of the sound he hears!

[@UkraineStar77]

"the ocean is not the ocean, it is the ocean but it's outer space on earth, you can't breathe in it." No shit Billy.

[@Gabagool93]

Johnny Appleseed lmfaoooo

[@UkraineStar77]

Bill's fucking bear-survival strategy is hilarious! Hahahaa.

[@letsgobrandon136]

You wouldn't go on a cruise for fear of the boat sinking where you'd have to swim but you'll go on a plane where if it failed you couldn't fly?

[@clintwaddell4482]

35 pound pack is light for a week of backpacking.

[@Zoologic21]

I love the jabs at "backpacking".

[@iceflameproductionz]

ahahhaha bill burr shall only go deep in the wilderness with a platoon of men and machine guns lmao

[@trottheblackdog]

Don't ever talk to a cruise ship band about boats. They'll scare the crap out of you. I know this as a former cruise musician!

[@balqeesbaloch5213]

Why though lol is it just a running gag for cruise bands 😂

[@tjmendoza7864]

Dr Harry Hackitof😂😭😭😂😭😭😭

[@creativechaosify]

I just imagined some bear eating up Bill's entire food supply in the first 2 days and then he's left trying to decide whether a given berry is edible or not.

[@MS-jp3op]

Everytime someone tries to sell me on hiking or camping I just think; "Our ancestors built civilization so we wouldn't have to deal with this shit. We're the mutant that conquered all the other animals, enjoy the victory lap and try not to burn everything down."

[@Geo_Thermal]

Watch "Wild" starring Reese Witherspoon, then tell me how wonderful hiking is. I'll call an Uber.

[@DellBoy010]

Just found that bear video Bill was talking about. Freak's you the fuck out. Its called "Bear chasing up the tree, the hunters"

[@tonytaglalucci7778]

I wonder if he has seen the Revenant since it's come out LOL

[@DolphinDude93]

Turning another shitty morning around thanks Billy

[@chillout7975]

Totally agree with bill on this - fck going on some boat cruise - the ocean is just hell on earth

[@matthewgriffin7857]

This was great

[@apoetsquill5407]

6:45 bill becomes gets Philosophical

[@loopybla5001]

Good ole Harry Hack it Off

[@sluwisch]

what a riot! I bellowed here man! cruise ships, egads!

[@ImPoopingWhileIScroll]

I totally get the fear. I do go "long distance hiking", and I ALWAYS bring a pistol. I don't know if 15 hollow points could kill a bear, but I'd rather have it and not need it, than need it and not have it. I wish I could bring my AK47 hiking.

[@likaboss7654]

Chris Tillmann I bring a Glock 20 chambered in 10mm, a few shots will take down a bear

[@zarreff]

I bring a shotgun that fires heated shrapnel, along with a tin foil hat in case I see UFOs.

[@jc.1191]

@@likaboss7654 yes it would. I'd bring .357 myself and feel just fine. Bring a lil rat shot to get food if needed. Use what you have, ya know.

[@jc.1191]

I read of plenty bear being taken down with typical caliber handguns. Even heard of a large one taken out with a .22 rifle. I'd definitely bring the strongest I had tho. 😬

[@irishelk3]

I completely agree. I went on a ferry from Ireland to France -- it was the most grubby experience ever. My dad booked the wrong one and we ended up on the truckers boat, you don't have to be one to get on, but it should just be for truckers only... The food was appalling, over cooked fish and chips... Just wedged in on a boat in gale force 5 winds with the rest of humanity living in on top of you... I ate some chips and went back to the cabin for the rest of the trip because my head was spinning and the ferry rocking from side to side while I'm holding my tray. I felt like I had to wash my hands every few minutes, the best part was when we were an hour off the coast and I went up on deck, but overall, 18 hours of hell.

[@mustafam956]

Wow what a great memory to look back upon when reminiscing about your dad. It sucker at the time but you learned something and you can look back and laugh.

[@Gaaraape]

Thank you for crushing my dreams :(

[@oliveiraluis3540]

10:35 fucking hillarious!

[@bluemcdaniel99]

The Ocean has always scared me. The Atlantic specifically. I don't even want to be on the beach.

[@crabkebab94]

I wish i would live in a country with wild animals all i have seen in the woods over here is the occasional deer, boar and a bunny :') seeing a bear in the wild would be amazing

[@chandyboi2976]

The bones would give you away billiam

[@Juds0n1]

Being out to sea 😂

[@FlowKio]

This is why I travel with a rifle so I can get some dinner while hiking

[@kuzzbillington6392]

You never wanna end up with a doctor named Haeri Hackitoff

[@carrrexx7190]

Hey Bill, I'll be right back. I forgot to pack my backpack. And if anyone else shows up tell them I got their back.

[@KhemistryIBMOR]

That was funny!

[@haleytruslow7200]

"Why can't I just sit on my back porch?"

[@dredgerivers7730]

There are stories of Tibetan temples with statues surrounded by precious gemstones donated over centuries that are guarded only by (psychic) Siamese cats.

[@aintgonnahappen]

Take a gun. Shotgun with slugs is good. That's what I do, makes me feel much safer.

[@aintgonnahappen]

***** Ha;)

[@Eli_B3000]

Bill turn down your reverb a smidge, this story is hysterical but it sounds like it was recorded in an actual bear cave.

[@brianrobinson9235]

The 1 hiker every 2 hours is a bad metric. Depends too much on where you are. There are plenty of trails in the world you can go a full day or two without seeing anyone. Yes it's a bit scary on your own, but it really makes all of your other worries in life seem small and insignificant.

[@jiangwei3902]

Hilarious!

[@trevorrr4]

Him saying "that's creepy" was kinda creepy. Like yeah bro, no shit

[@walkonearthofficial]

13:10

[@musicsaves97]

Dr Harry Hackitoff!!! ROFLMAO!!

[@tracystephens5014]

2:52 lmao!! BuryinBodies Billy Boy!

[@foxman105]

Lynx don't eat people. You're too big of a pray. Actually they're mostly tameable when raised from a small kitten. You can even get a Lynx-house cat hybrid as a pet. Still I'd rather not if you're not well prepared. Those things are big like a dog with a personality of a house cat.

[@carrrexx7190]

Bill Crocodile Hunter Burr

[@ltkartwork1362]

This was too much. Lol

[@tonyb6007]

@10:40 hilarious 😂

[@darryl3401]

HAHAHAHA HARRY HACK IT OFF

[@HFFCANADA]

When ur out in the forest trekking and u come across an animal that wants to eat you, there is a prime way most people 💯 forget about. Most of us are either potheads or smokers so we usually have lighters so pick up a tree limb n light it on fire, climb up a tree and light tree on fire, shit even light you're own shirt on fire. ALL animals don't fuck with fire no matter how tough they are they will always flee from a flame (unless there in packs, in wich case you're fuckked either way) What's worse 2nd degree burns or no more arm?

[@zeldagoblin]

When he said, "A pack you put on your back", I pictured Sheldon Cooper

[@SageofCancer]

Bill Burr and Nia Hill in... Lake Placid

[@rolandoperez8248]

I do backpack a lot and do weekend hikes almost every weekend into the Everglades and Big Cypress national parks. Most of those fears Bill have are natural. We fear what we dont know about. In my experience your biggest concern in the wilderness is not the 4 legged animals but the 2 legged ones aka humans. Bears, Panthers and such are quite secluded animals. In all my years of hiking I have never seen a Florida panther or a black bear. I have seen their tracks and I know their are around but they want nothing to do with us. They have very clear that contact with humans means death. Here in Florida we have approximately 2 million alligators. There has been less than 50 deaths associated with them since the state started to keep records of this in the 40's. It is more dangerous for me to drive to the Trail head in big cypress than hiking the trail. Always hike with more people preferably 5+ and make sure that at least 3 people in your group have experience. Other than that it is a very safe activity. I have never recommended going alone tho there are people that like the solitude. Going in a group will ease your fears and also it is a lot of fun, there are no distractions like the tv, internet etc that does not let us connect with other people.

[@jamestracy410]

I've hiked in a lot of bear and cougar country. But the most scared I have ever been was coming back to the parking lot of the Shi-Shi beach trail in the Olympic National Park and walking up on a group of 4 locals breaking into peoples cars. I'm positive if I wasn't carrying a gun I would have been severely beaten or worse.

[@rolandoperez8248]

@@jamestracy410 That is something else I added a few years ago to my backpack essentials. A gun, and a inreach communication gps devise.

[@privateprivate2268]

👍

[@lac2500]

My parents took me "backpacking" as a kid and it's nothing crazy, he's funny tho for how he sees it, I understand... The only thing that used to cross my mind was hoping you didn't turn a corner and run into an animal. As far as nights are concerned, like the guy said put your food in a box somewhere or hang from a tree away from you and you'll be fine...

[@thevelointhevale1132]

1 hour hike ... long distance! hahaha ... ok ...

[@user-qb4id8zn3h]

what clip is he talking about?

[@swill1020]

Carry a .45 and for sure backpack with a buddy.

[@chromemaster3519]

Bill Burr, Bill Burr go watch The Revenant.

[@FuckGoogle2]

Swimming towards a shark is actually one of the recommended strategies. The shark doesn't know what you're capable of and will deem you more of a threat.

[@donmartini112]

Dissident101 you try it out

[@FuckGoogle2]

donmartini112 The shark beat me to it. Not ideal calling a bluff with another bluff only to find out it was pissed/hungry.

[@donmartini112]

Dissident101 i don't know wether your defending your previous statement or acknowledging its flaws

[@FuckGoogle2]

donmartini112 Both, Shark swam in my direction first and was too close to counterswim towards. Truth be told it was none of the maneaters but a pissed off docile shark like that the embarrasment factor being bitten by one would be fatal to the ego.

[@htxflow]

Dissident101 "You know how good of a fighter you are when you only use your mouth?"

[@poetwp975]

The prospect of being eaten alive is not worth the risk if you ask me, to be camping in bear country.

[@peteranon8455]

I prefer ruck sacking for the term. Long distance hiking is a bit much though. I feel like hurting people after 10 miles of walking, and some of these people do it for 20 miles a day.

[@mobus1603]

Bill, your logic about boats can be used for planes, yet you still fly all the time.

[@mr_fox8066]

He did say in another show that, he prays to god every time he flies. So yeah it's a thing with him....

[@MrMichealHouse]

Well, Bill's point is that going hiking or on a cruise is needless risk for most people. Unless it's directly related to your job, going on a hike or a cruise is a lot of effort, as compared to flying, which without he would be unable to work as a global comedy at all, unless he drove everywhere.

[@Solitaire401]

Screw a cruise.

[@Daniel_B79]

Most of the country doesn't have big cats or bears. Snakes are the worst thing most of us have to look out for.

[@bobobake1232]

How about when the anchor gets stuck?

[@RelativePerspective.]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/a6CuXoKao9ajhs0 the bear video for any of you curious block heads out there

[@dallassylvestre7209]

Hmmm but Bill swan in the Mediterranean Sea

[@thevrb1811]

It is dangerous by yourself. Listen to anything on KZbin by David Paulides

[@markissboi3583]

what could kill you but never proven- 😳🤷‍♂️boredom loneliness & heartbreak OH eating fatty foods full of steroids smoking alcohol all the FUN bits

[@jamesanderson702]

Animals know their territory Bill, they know where the trails are and they avoid them. Hunters and hippies are the ones who get mauled.