Bill Burr - Getting Mauled

[@tismon]

The bit about the bear talking to himself had me dying

[@metal882]

dude i wish bill narrated nature shows

[@vitocorleone1462]

Better than Attenborough 100%

[@thetrimreaper1019]

Dude, I wish Bill Burr narrated my life. Now that would be the most ultimate and legendary shit right there.

[@robertdore9592]

I'd love to be in that pitch meeting :-)

[@williampoole1742]

Dude look at this fucking Tiger walking towards that antelope. Dude, what in da FAWK is that antelope doing right now...

[@EastboundAndDowns]

Bill Burr narrates amateur boxing matches, and its fucking GOLD; 24 karat fucking gold.

[@ericswiatek827]

"There is no reason to get killed by a tiger in the United States of America. They don't live here." Ole Billy Red Face makes so much sense sometimes.

[@Y2JLionHeart]

Eric Swiatek That got me, too.

[@yoshimitsusamaka2238]

Theres more tigers in Texas than in the whole world

[@youssefrochdi1994]

@@xKrusafixx white people? That's just people. Why did you have to bring race into this?

[@cadillacdeville5828]

😄☺️😊

[@dustencross357]

There is one reason, Stupidity!!

[@frederickpasco7607]

"Falling in love with a wild animal is like falling in love with a stripper" "Getting married is like falling in love with a wild animal" => Getting married is like falling in love with a stripper. Bill nailed it once again.

[@T0YCHEST]

He said the second part at the same time I read ur comment like it was a caption appearing at the perfect time and got a godly laugh

[@robertmeechan9131]

@@T0YCHEST weird af, exact same thing just happened to me hahaha

[@robertsmalley3986]

The corner guy for bear fight bit...is pure Burr."the Grizzly likes to load up that right,..trying to steal a few rounds", hilarious.

[@fumothfan9]

12:27 the rant made me laugh for a long time crying. Makes sense.

[@OneEyedJackNLD]

“Try to figure out whether the bear is a grizzly or a black bear: Hey that thing running at us 40 mph if you……..” I love that Bill turns away from the mic when he does that. Hahahaha

[@REVOisMYname]

99% of house cats would eat their owners if they could. What do you think a tiger would do

[@wo2847]

What about dogs they actually eat their owners pitbull owners anyways

[@mikem1006]

It's true. It doesn't matter how much you think your house cat loves you. You shrink down to the size of a mouse? Bye Bye

[@cadillacdeville5828]

What?! Lmao, his animal 💭 thoughts are hilarious 🤣

[@TheAgentmigs]

"Badgers and wolverines are like the Irish and the Scottish of the forest" 10:05

[@DarrellWefel-ts2kr]

That scene in the movie The Revenant, It was so terrifying it almost made me sick !!!😵

[@HooverBeast]

that analogy of wolverines and badgers has to at least hit home on like 4 continents. plus HOLY FUCK you are so fucking right with bears lacking that human-level self-awareness. that is so true, but i i also believe that how hungry they are is the most likely factor to call any decision

[@jimboheadspace1788]

Your discomfort with wild country reflects a lack of exposure to the risk/benefits of being in this awe inspiring setting. The actual risk in an urban environment is much higher - auto accidents and human predators to name a few. Either place, keeping your head out of your ass minimizes "Oh no, now I'm fucked" situations.

[@andrewmack3391]

12:53 to catch a predator 😂

[@wolfie498]

Skrachiz was here

[@blackoutgo2597]

i lost it at check to see if its a grizzly or a black bear XDXDXD.

[@christianbusta3874]

Bill, I enjoy the hell out of all your comedy, but your making too much out of this. You need to be a group of 3 or more people, and you need to hoist your food/smelly stuff into the trees every night. If you do all this, it will be fine.

[@travisaiken2493]

I love the way he gives human dialouge to an animals thoughts.

[@TCt83067695]

Anthropomorphize i think it's called

[@sterkar99]

And it's 90% saying "dude wtf"

[@htxflow]

"it's 99.9% white people looking this shit up" "guess what color she is" "this guys a bottom" lmfao. this whole segment had me crying laughing

[@johnzackarias11]

"Badgers and wolverines, they're like the Irish and the Scottish of the fuckin' forest" 10/10

[@PilloTheStar]

"They don't quit even if they're losing"

[@Stephen-gl5wu]

Falling in love with a wild animal is like falling in love with a stripper it's going to end badly. That's hilariously true

[@lrmears1]

+stephen white Been there. It is known.

[@Stephen-gl5wu]

john hancock true my friend all hail the ale haha

[@SPACEHARICE]

@@lrmears1 amen brother I was fucking my dog in the ass and wife walked in she took the fucking kids too

[@hughjanice8373]

Hahahaha what the fuck

[@IronheadOfScroteus]

Lol, I live IN bear country. My backyard IS the forest. You don't see them often but when you do, it's when you least expect it. You walk around the corner of the house and boom, there he is. Personally, I run like hell and I'm back through the front door at warp speed. The bear usually runs the other way or sits there wondering "What was his problem?"

[@IronheadOfScroteus]

I did during my teens and into my twenties while at home working around the property, but have you ever tried wearing a .357 magnum all the time? It's like carrying a boat anchor. Kind of a pain in the ass. I'm just not that worried anymore. There's been like two attacks in the 30+ years I've been here. It still startles the hell out of me when I see one though, lol!

[@Daniel.Miranda]

IronheadOfScroteus bro thats fucking hilaruous but its the exact same thing i would do

[@josephblanchard6248]

@@IronheadOfScroteus yea man, and you need atleast a 357 tbh.

[@IronheadOfScroteus]

@@josephblanchard6248 I do have the old 357. I'll wear it again if the bear population starts becoming a problem.

[@jc.1191]

@@IronheadOfScroteus yeah, carrying around the house is just alot of hassle. I'd just have it nearby.

[@hououinkyouma5539]

I love how he goes from "my condolences" to "fuckin idiot" in three seconds🤣

[@sfincione2000]

Leonardo DiCaprio's - "The Irrelevant" HAHAH! it may have been by accident, but I think it's more a Freudian slip =)

[@rafaeltrivino1790]

I learn alot from Bill and if I know anything about bears its step slowly back, push your friend foward as you make your escape.

[@pabstdrank]

Fucking "Tiger push ups" LOL, dying...

[@ddarkreturns]

"hey that thing running at us 40mph ghaa" Lmaooooo! This is one of the best

[@MoebiusPan]

*This guy's bottom.* Bear, 2016

[@jabba0975]

"Scouting should be illegal." Naw, they just need a priest along to look out for the kids.

[@dallascomegys]

So lemme get this right, the bear has an L shaped couch and flat screen tv but no access to a mirror?

[@jft4820]

Yes black bears are still bears. But a grizzly is a godless marauding killing machine.

[@T0YCHEST]

Got to get those 1,000,000 calories for the winter that seems like a goal u reach with no God.

[@3rdRockRider]

BB, one of your funniest podcasts!

[@MrSpinteractive]

Really fucking funny Bill. I nearly shat myself.

[@GerNiels]

+MrSpinteractive lmao

[@ValiantKnight7983]

dude...that bit about badgers and wolverines bein the irish and scottish of the forest had me rollin

[@OneEyedJackNLD]

5:56 “I hate to look, I hate to stare, but your face got mauled by a bear” 😂😂😂

[@lukejamesbgn]

"Getting married is kinda like falling in love with a wild animal." hahahahahahahaha

[@tune6000]

Luke James Music guy

[@Betrayedthelaw]

Coming to America reference 13:44 Sexual Chocolate!

[@Wavemaninawe]

Bill should comment wildlife mishaps more often. Fucking kills me every time. 😂😂😂

[@HouseJawn]

The funniest podcast in history 🐻 😂

[@КонстантинИванов-д1д]

... the bear is all homophobic and then it kills him, and there's a bunch of kids watching... Thank you Bill Burr, I don't think anyone else has ever put together a sentence like this :D

[@brianwhin-yates5994]

Burr loves his wife and thats my favorite part of his podcasts.

[@boobsweat9281]

Holy fuck this one had me in tears man

[@bronxbear8126]

"A cave is like a townhouse in Brooklyn"

[@smotpoker86]

"Hey that thing running at us at 40 miles per hour!" Hahahaha

[@michaellujan9963]

I hat to look I hat to stare I'm sorry you got attacked by a bear but why were you there 😂😂😂.

[@user-lm5fq3bb6e]

"Using his belt as dental floss" dropped me!😂

[@BigBlake315]

"falling in love with a wild animal is like falling in love with a stripper" LMFAO

[@Smegma007]

13:00 omg I lol'd so hard.

[@billix0]

I bet she wasn't whispering once the mauling started

[@wallsendgeordie4154]

I haven’t laughed so much in a long time. Bill is a fcking legend

[@dabrooos5824]

"wtf this guys a bottom" yall i nearly screamed

[@targetfootball7807]

Animals certainly have some kind of ego. Even dogs and cats have egos several times their own size.

[@wingnutmcspazatron3957]

"The Revelant..Relelevant." hahahahahaha

[@r3d-1truth17]

Mr Burr- don’t know if you will see this comment, I recently came into to listening to your shows and working backwards into your older stuff- this bear pod has had me in tears!! Usually your chats are shorter and just cut off at end. I would just listening while trying not to laugh too much and miss something. You do speak truth and have very great thoughts! But this rant and talking was just playing and playing, and every time a commercial interrupted, I figured it was end, but then your ravings just pick right back up and you shattered me. I’m wiping tears in laughter- Bravo Sir! Bravo - cheers

[@raptorms773]

Considering you cant outrun a bear the only hope you have is to be in a group, and hope your part of the faster runners lol

[@jc.1191]

Have a gun in bear country, period.

[@shachede6828]

omg!!! i fucking laughed my eye out! "this guy is an under, he is weirding me out" omg! bill red bottoms i love ya!

[@MilkT0ast]

Bear : “...okay...put an L shaped couch right here...”

[@PickleJar251]

"Make it quick" (bear starts to eat you alive legs first) "fuck"

[@GuitarsRgood7]

That bear mauling Hallmark card gets the Mr. Deeds seal of quality

[@CYMotorsport]

Bill needs to react to the last couple seasons of “Alone” especially the final season in “bear country” holy shit.

[@tgmr.fantastic729]

"Hallmark doesn't make cards saying sorry you got mauled by a bear."🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@losandreas6443]

(law and order music) “What’re you doing with all those kids?” Camper: Ah i found em... 😂 ⚰️

[@concepcionblake7727]

LMAOOO when did bill learn what a bottom is i need to know!

[@steveguse4481]

What is a bottom anyway

[@HittokiriBatosai]

I don't even disagree that they're more afraid of us than we are of them, but what do bears DO when they're afraid and feel threatened? They're not calling 911!

[@berlin040909]

Bills such a city boy

[@Urashison]

That lady is definitely a dope

[@Moorfeeeus]

“Some big word that already exist” All words already exist bill lmfaoooo

[@permabulk1454]

JUNGLE SOL he meant not some big word someone just made up lmao clearly

[@fossilkingdom]

In defense of the scout leader, I live in Virginia and my uncle lives out in Luray in the Shenandoah valley. There are black bears EVERYWHERE and hundreds of thousands acres of national forest where any one can camp at any time, bear attacks are pretty rare in comparison to the amount of times bears are actually encountered.

[@tdwindham1]

"Getting married is like falling in love with a wild animal."

[@SpasmFingers]

Hey man I don't want any part in this man xD

[@letsgobrandon136]

Damn that went off the rails didn't it bill.....geez

[@JohnnyAce415]

Getting Mauled. 👍😆😎🕺

[@brazenbull636]

12:00 If it's a black bear, fuck em. They apparently run away as soon as they notice you and are only a threat if they got cubs. Plus for me my daily carry is a 10mm Glock with 15+1 and a spare mag (full house 180gr loads). So I'm adequately covered anyway. If I see any bear cubs, or a grizzly. I'm getting the fuck outta there. I don't trust ANY gun to stop ANY bear flat. Nor do I want to even deal with that..

[@SuperLuis225]

Step 1 - duck under the bears attack Step 2 - Get behind the bear Step 3 - Dive on its back and start choking it out from behind Step 4 - Wake up and realise you were knocked unconscious around step 1, and you're losing a lot of blood... probably should've played dead or something...

[@dmrobby4309]

'Falling in love with a wild animal is like falling in love with a stripper. It's not going to end well' hahaha

[@gunsodin5299]

Bill is thinking of liberal camping. Sorry but i love the fresh air, water, the stars just fuckin everything. I literally just got back from camping and don't talk shit on it till you do it P.S backyard isnt camping. Iv camped all my life and never once have i seen a predator nor has my father and i bet same for mt grandfather. Talk to joe about the woods bill.

[@FlowKio]

I remember walking thru a deep wood metal dump and met a skinny (hungry) black bear and I wasn’t worried until it approached me, I levelled my shotgun at it and it still crept foreword so I took a shot near it. What freaked me out was it stopped for a second then still crept toward me. So I shot it.

[@sloanmagnum5009]

I've met quite a few people in my time who said they were one with any particular animal/s and it couldnt be further from the truth. Only in their own head were they one with the animals. In the end you realize a lot of people are just really big morons living in a fantasy. Whatever helps you get thru life I guess. P.S. because dogs are so common, dog owners are the worst

[@thomaschristopherwhite9043]

Hey that thing running towards us at 40 miles per hour, it that a griZzjobkdjbgbdac.......____

[@Chew.bubblegumandkickass]

When he said sexual chocolate, I Iost my shit lmao 😂😂😂

[@maxd2215]

Bears Beats Battlestar Galactica

[@vowselfington8901]

5:58 I hate to look, I hate to stare, but your face got mauled by a bear. Hahahahahaha. Jesus Christ 😆😆😆

[@spazzdineveryway]

This guy is hilarious.

[@natashaom9731]

Bill I fucking love you, but "the woods" IS "wilderness" 😆

[@DarrellWefel-ts2kr]

Bill, I think the term you're looking for? Is being disembodied !

[@BigMitch831]

When he said Nia, i about shit myself. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[@alfonsomartinez7005]

Sexual chocolate. 💀

[@elgringofeo9348]

I'm that dumb to go in the woods but I'd bring a gun, dont the Alaskans do that?

[@labortechs5661]

Walking into the bear cave and the bear thinks to caught a predator. Lmao

[@shaanhogun2716]

"What does she say? GET A GUN GET A GUN!" Funniest bit!

[@hawk_346]

This is fukin brilliant!

[@marksaguindel1903]

I'm trying to think of some good sympathy card material

[@lindajuarez9593]

Is that a black bear or a brown bear? Dude its a fucken bear lmfao

[@jasonomnia9295]

LOL SEXUAL CHOCOLATE omg ahahaha

[@NyalBurns]

Why is the entrance writing in comic sands

[@mrsuns10]

Run Neon Tiger there is a lot on your mind

[@radiantshay2146]

"They don't make a Hallmark card for it" bahahaha

[@drewmurdaugh424]

Thanks for the. MAMERIES

[@alex2410]

In Norway, the king of the forest is Moose

[@coombzy283]

17:27 - no Bill, just giving it a light mauling :)