Supreme Court: Death Penalty Is 'Totally Badass'

Despite arguments against capital punishment, the Justices overwhelmingly approved its use, especially if they get to participate in some executions.
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[@solomonrivers6686]

“Newly discovered cluster of dinosaur bones suggests existence of 200 million year old natural history museum “

[@kylegovender6211]

Ok i'm stupid and got whooshed Explain the joke

[@goyonman9655]

😂😂😂😂

[@goat6354]

@@kylegovender6211 Dinosaur bones come from museums. If they are 200 million years old, the museum must be just as old.

[@kylegovender6211]

@@goat6354 ok i'm still dumb Dumb it down more please

[@goat6354]

@@kylegovender6211 Bones are part of a museum. If the bones are 200 millions years old, how old do you think the museum is? The same number. Another example: if your head is x years old, how old are you? Answer: the same amount of years.

[@JohnSmith-ms4xd]

"less strictly constitutional and more strictly awesome". i want that to appear in a legal document.

[@TehMorbidAtheist]

John Smith My Bar exam is coming up. I'd love the able to use that. haha

[@ammarakbar4510]

Are John Smith from the "Big Issue" ?

[@nickhueper2906]

1,500th like

[@xl000]

you watched the video too ?

[@hokimaki1234]

Too bad, it's Article 13

[@joeking6972]

“Life without parole is way more brutal because it’s like they’re on some sort of prison colony in the future where they just have to fight for the rest of their lives.” That’s actually a good point.

[@princessanineveh]

@@olivermorin3303 lame-ass pussies!

[@darkmetal2412]

Death penalty is finality, a life in prison can be overturn if new evidence comes out to prove your innocent. Ask yourself this, if you were accused of a crime you didn't do which punishment you would prefer.

[@joeking6972]

@@darkmetal2412 it takes forever to be executed anyway. I'm guessing you're arguing in favor of death?

[@mrtrolly4184]

@@joeking6972 no he's saying that since you can still get proven innocent they shouldn't have death penalty

[@1badjesus]

THOUGHT SAME (for murderers) "let em jail rot" UNTIL friend said "they experience joy via food, sleep, laughter, etc can their victim(s) ?". TEX of the Manson Family (incidentally, one of the two who stabbed 9 month pregnant Sharon Tate) was first given DEATH then later Life No Parole.. WHILE IN PRISON he earned college DEGREE.. got MARRIED..had CHILDREN... and still ALIVE today! .. can Sharon do any such things?

[@nate_kang]

I always lose it at the each justice individually stating “I am the Law” part 😂

[@shampoo1991]

I am the law.

[@Ismael-kc3ry]

I am the law.

[@de_ciphered]

I am the law.

[@apollyon6618]

I am the law

[@acrobaticswitches]

I am the law

[@AgentXPQ]

How the actors in this were able to keep a straight face is totally beyond me.

[@RodovalPTY]

who said that they are nailing it in the first take

[@nolanboles8492]

How do the actors...uh, "reporters" on the real national news programs keep a straight face?

[@RedIntend]

@@nolanboles8492 You know this is satire right?

[@Your-Least-Favorite-Stranger]

Basically just put yourself in the mindset "what I'm saying is real, this is not satire", if you treat it like the real thing it's easier to play the part. You can't be a real person reacting to the script

[@funnyfunnyvalentine7991]

Most are probably Ex Reporters. They've seen crazier shit in their sleep

[@soumilsingh8530]

1:37 I lost it when they showed the transcript of all the judges saying "I am the law".

[@LOLHICRONO]

did you find it?

[@thedudethatneveruploads2617]

I am the law.

[@carlaceja8364]

me too Lmaooo

[@medexamtoolsdotcom]

Multiple times, too. It's not like they each just said it once.

[@mrlarry9612]

I am the law

[@Basher.G]

Am I the only one who finds it funny how Justice is such a common first name among court judges? It can't be a coincidence, right?

[@davidludwig3975]

It's their title.

[@Basher.G]

@@davidludwig3975 would it be too rude to say 'no shit Sherlock'?

[@davidludwig3975]

@@Basher.G Justice is the title given to all members of the Supreme Court.

[@Basher.G]

@@davidludwig3975 correction: it would be pointless to say no shit Sherlock. I figured that much. I was joking because Justice also sounds like a first name when used that way (perhaps because I'm not born in an english speaking country)

[@bruh-xy1bt]

Every president has also had the first name of president as well. Something fishy is going on 🤔

[@LoudWaffle]

"Less strictly constitutional, and more strictly awesome." Man, Onion in these peak years had the PERFECT blend of writers and actors.

[@Theffries]

_”It is the opinion of this court that the practice remains hella fuckin balls to the wall awesome”_ I’m glad they finally used this language in a landmark case

[@danceymetal172]

I lost it since the lady was all professional and then started talking like a swearing sailor.

[@ghuttsmckenzie4269]

I honestly wish courts were as chill as this!

[@xx_jason_blaze_it_xxy1837]

It was even better with the portrait, loved that fucking smile

[@Ondenu]

QqQZpppppzp”1-

[@GEMSofGOD_com]

Because they actually act this way in courtrooms. 30% of the incarcerated are there based on fabrications. And pigs are pigs. Remove em!

[@shapshapshapshap2829]

I’m disappointed in the Supreme Court right now everyone knows that the death penalty isn’t cool enough and that it would be better to put all the criminals in a gladiator battle and watch them right to the death.

[@trip6018]

For sure, and the winner gets to leave free and do whatever the hell he wants cus he’s so badass

[@GoBenC]

Like in Idiocracy

[@Bloodlyshiva]

@@trip6018 That would be a lot of innocents and minoirities dead.

[@trip6018]

@@Bloodlyshiva that's right... but he **is** badass so I think its fine

[@axelory7676]

@@trip6018 Nah, nah. He just has to keep fighting until he dies, ar wich point he is replaced by the inmate who killed him. It'd be like a 24/7 livestream of deathrow inmates fighting for their lives or some shit.

[@ryth-]

This actually sounds like the justices were all just having a blast in a discord call.

[@outrageddeer2101]

sometimes i do wonde if the justices ever hangout or do small talk lik "Christ that hearing on the legality of rusty cathaders was boring.'' or "how's the kids?"

[@samt3412]

​@@outrageddeer2101they'd certainly have to. Like, I could totally see some of the justices (Kavanaugh especially) just going out to a local bar together or something

[@entropyapathy]

​@@outrageddeer2101 Ginsberg and Scalia were personal friends despite being on opposites ends of the political spectrum and having different opinions on basically every issue. They often took vacations together, there's a picture of them both riding an elephant in India.

[@DrSwazz]

@@entropyapathy Impossible. Politics is everything.

[@thelittleredhairedgirlfrom6527]

Wonder is Kentaji talks about Clarence Thomas behind his back

[@britneyhochman5204]

“Life without parole is more brutal because they’re on a prison colony planet where they have to fight for the rest of their lives.” Damn, The Onion really doesn’t pull their punches with their subtext.

[@AnUnknownCitizen]

I am the law

[@Noah-gs1lu]

I am the law

[@chickennugger6797]

I am the law

[@UnenthusiasticPerson]

I am the law!!

[@v8Buster87]

I am the law

[@thatonedevastatingleek380]

I am the law

[@Questionable_Content]

It is legal to carry a concealed weapon as long as the weapon is totally slick like a huge ass machine gun that you carry under a trench coat like in the Matrix

[@niceone550]

shouldn't you be asking kritical to play your game?

[@craggolly]

Or like in Columbine

[@baljeep_gay]

yep. as long as ur name is Neo

[@grahamlopez6202]

Yeah machineguns are fuckin sick legal bro

[@asherasher9249]

Brother

[@wanderer_42_]

I find the idea that the Supreme Court Justices act like a group of middle school boys hilarious

[@TannerLindberg]

​@:/ bet no no you really dont.

[@bouncepsycho]

@@TannerLindberg Don't you have a literal rapist appointed by the Trump administration... another rapist? .... and you have a savage prison system. Like how the fuck do you run these places legally without a supreme court that is like the satire, but without the profanity? Instead you go for rapists.

[@TBustah]

Or Dethklok.

[@Sly_Cooper-1408]

I like to imagine the Onion is the official news network of the GTA universe

[@Plethorality]

Stop that! Your wish cane true! Irl.

[@Based_Gigachad_001]

The onion became woke garbage.

[@yourdad6902]

It's always been woke you're just to stupid ​@@Based_Gigachad_001

[@lefishe5845]

​@@Based_Gigachad_001 This onion video says otherwise. kzbin.info/www/bejne/iKHOgninbJqsZ5osi=D4i79Bc179amtVx4

[@ThyHoneyNut]

1:30 I like how on the bottom it says, "Study: sky diver's can prevent death 100% by not going sky diving"

[@errorinscript1127]

I guess non Skydivers are immortal.

[@fg09403]

@@errorinscript1127 no, no, you have to become a skydiver by going through all the training, and then never jump afterward.

[@falafel2964]

@@fg09403 is this the secret to immortality? I MUST DO THIS AT ONCE

[@joeiken3357]

@@falafel2964 I must immediately not sky dive.

[@ChaseThePinballWizard]

divers*

[@joshkemme427]

1:35 All of the Supreme Court justices said "I am the law" multiple times, except Justice Clarence Thomas, who only said it once and was the last person to say it. In real life, Justice Clarence Thomas rarely speaks on the Supreme Court. That is a solid observation by the Onion

[@mrstorch5068]

Their attention to detail is amazing.

[@qwedge]

It goes to show they truly love their show

[@gibberconfirm166]

​ @Mr Storch Onion writers from this era were that smart. It was, once.

[@NA-mz7tu]

That's because it's a real stroy.

[@user-zy8cy6hn6o]

@@gibberconfirm166 I would blame mostly the budget. I have no idea who was funding the onion but they did a service to this world.

[@theeternalnow6506]

I love how in the sketch at 2:15 the judge next to Kennedy is actually frightened of him.

[@maximuskay1]

Lmao didnt even notice

[@AgelessStones]

lol i didnt even notice that, great spot

[@Cund]

Supreme court today: "A dictator as a president would be so badass"

[@hinglemccringleberry9138]

No, you wouldn't want that. That's a really bad idea. I'm not much of a history buff, but I'm pretty sure every time they try that it doesn't go well.

[@danielomar9712]

​@@hinglemccringleberry9138again , less constitutional , but more awesome

[@deletdis6173]

​@@hinglemccringleberry9138whoosh

[@caller347]

The funniest part was looking at the sketches while hearing the quotes.

[@tetras1747]

Thats wicked

[@michaelweiske702]

So... Watching the video...

[@icterinetech899]

Why is the resolution always so slow

[@hoticeparty]

@@icterinetech899 11 year old video maybe?

[@james_medlin]

Alan Tang I am the law

[@sagazinemtew1851]

Ginsberg: “That’s wicked!”

[@someturkishguy8638]

Top kek

[@AussieGamer-jd6qd]

It was.

[@coolstorybro_cant_wait_4_movie]

@boo !The truth hurts. She was a nasty old hag.

[@jakojenhh5002]

@@coolstorybro_cant_wait_4_movie You sound like a terrible person

[@michaellopez112]

@@coolstorybro_cant_wait_4_movie damn bro what did she do to you

[@SebastianLundh1988]

That moment when you check the comments, and you find a comment you wrote 15 years ago, which is half of the life you can ever remember having.

[@vincent4587]

“Booohoooo, I’m mortal and will one day cease, boooohoooo.”

[@SebastianLundh1988]

@@vincent4587 If everyone is mortal, then how come some people don't get the death penalty?

[@vincent4587]

@@SebastianLundh1988 What? What death penalty?

[@ignis_gehennalis_ov_God]

​@@vincent4587༼;´༎ຶ ۝ ༎ຶ༽

[@Fendertastic]

Exactly

[@memevondank1197]

Why cant our dystopia look more like this

[@user-tc9sk4ei9y]

Even more? How could it possibly be?

[@gmet12915]

I love how when they were all saying "I am the law.", the artist who made the courtroom drawings made sure that all the justices were slouching the right side of their mouths as they were doing Sylvester Stallone impressions, who played Judge Dredd. 1:26 That's what I call attention to detail.

[@blinded6502]

Oh my fucking god

[@diegoconnolly5317]

I'm going to upvote this without bothering to check

[@cantbanme792]

it wasnt even a reference, they told you it was from judge dread

[@exzyyd392]

@@cantbanme792 Judge Dredd is a comic book character who also says that. The shape of their mouths shows they're specifically doing a Stallone impression

[@rafaeltrivino1790]

This is why I never became a cop. I completely missed something that awesome and kickass.

[@tankinator451]

I'm so glad I found this video. 10 years ago, my aunt found this video and SOMEHOW thought it was real. She posted it to Facebook, ranting about "the legal system is disgusting, they love violence and want to see people suffer blah blah blah" And that was my introduction to the wonders of The Onion

[@UltimateEnd0]

Epic.

[@Schlubz]

r/thathappened

[@fresherturtle1154]

Oh my god that sounds awesome

[@ihatethatyoutubedisplaysyo8106]

Thats wicked

[@AltName7]

@@Schlubz r/nothingeverhappens

[@olaoluwaafolayan6554]

I love these actors that The Onion uses. They’re able to recite the most ridiculous lines and stay straight faced and even keeled all throughout. Those are some true professionals right there! Lol!

[@about33asians7]

"Less strictly constitutional and more strictly awesome" are the words that America was originally founded under.

[@eightosaurusspelunk1598]

Props to this actress. She did an absolutely flawless job saying those insane, profanity laced lines all while keeping a straight face and actually delivering like a legitimate news reporter

[@pigmentpeddler5811]

eggs

[@qcycl1c898]

@@pigmentpeddler5811 radical

[@yarpen26]

At 0:51 "Michael" almost cracked up. You can see him flex his jaw muscles.

[@beeinamechsuit7051]

Saying “that’s wicked” like it’s an actual real life quote is probably the funniest thing to me and I don’t know why.

[@WHITEBOYSICK]

Nailed the fuck out of it

[@Zeuts85]

This can't be real. Our supreme court justices never make arguments this logical.

[@freakster-6029]

lol

[@johnpaulleslie1067]

It's real*

[@MNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMN]

@@johnpaulleslie1067 That makes zero sense in context here, good job

[@romaniac2364]

@@johnpaulleslie1067 this shan't*

[@GEMSofGOD_com]

They are all pigs

[@crayzeegaming9726]

I love how Justice Scalia had to say that he was the law a three times just in case they didn’t hear him the first 2 times

[@3thmnify]

I’m just discovering these old Onion videos now and they are all gold. What happened?

[@lumpylumpyloo]

No money

[@Based_Gigachad_001]

They went woke and went broke.

[@imperialmouse]

@@Based_Gigachad_001honestly it just got old, also bro you have Patrick Bateman as your pfp your not special

[@Based_Gigachad_001]

@@imperialmouse Dude. You cannot insult anyone else's PFP.

[@allu2681]

@@Based_Gigachad_001 he can actually, aint no way you have Bateman as your pfp, grow the hell up

[@BrandonByerly-Sam9501]

These Onion videos are sooooo well done. I laugh at them all because of how serious each person is, and how realistic is sounds and looks. 10/10 will always laugh again.

[@hangyao479]

@@Kahzu what happened to the onion it used to be brilliant now its just watered down jokes about trump

[@joshdeveaux6936]

I rewatch them

[@leaveme3559]

@@hangyao479 well company was bought and sold many times in the past several years... The original writers and staff have all left... And with it... It has lost the audience but they have another channel on KZbin with a different name there videos are ok some are funny

[@WXRBL666]

@@leaveme3559 what's the name for their new channel?

[@apictureoffunction]

@@hangyao479 what happened is that real life has become so ridiculous that satirizing it is way harder nowadays

[@vince1987]

last time i was here, all the comments were "i am the law"

[@johncampbell5669]

OK numbnuts...hats yer point?

[@onyxrafle8066]

@@johncampbell5669 cthulhu

[@SJNaka101]

@@johncampbell5669 I am the law.

[@mittenstherealest]

@@johncampbell5669 I am the law.

[@Funkopotomis]

I am the law.

[@danielbraddock8648]

"Hella fuckin' balls-to-the-wall awesome" has become a permanent addition to my vocabulary.

[@wu2166]

“When asked afterwards why all of their right hands were asymmetrically large, they recited the 5th amendment”

[@completelyunoriginal5337]

Me and the boys after graduating from law school

[@realwolfingen8896]

I am the Law!

[@B-52H]

@@realwolfingen8896 I am the Law!

[@Mrserrum]

@勇樹 i am the law

[@crazymonkey7083]

@mate with a plate I am the law!

[@jblack75]

@@crazymonkey7083 I am the law!

[@Vollification]

Seriously, how can you say all these things and keep a straight face?

[@tetras1747]

The practice remains hella fucking balls to the walls awesome

[@bluesteel8376]

Acting.

[@MrJackhammer51]

Segmented and in 87 takes

[@tailgunner2]

I have my suspicions as to why YT recommends these videos, and offer a silent thank you to the mathematicians for developing it.

[@ppchan9516]

It feels like 1 take as well

[@bkr1895]

I love how Kennedy is opposed to it because he thinks life in prison is way more hardcore

[@Ifyoucanreadthisgooglebroke]

The Onion is usually more on the mark than this with their posting of future news a decade or so before it happens. The actual ruling was 'Supreme Court: Having a King "Totally Badass"'.' At least they got the "I am the law!" part right.

[@Fir3w411]

"because it's like they're on some sort of prison colony in the future where they just have to fight for the rest of their lives." died reading that and having the judge's sketch beside it...

[@jelanistowers6504]

Look at the guy next to him looking scared

[@LexBlazer]

Oh my god this is such a classic. Shoutout from 10 years later!

[@piecrumbs9951]

Ha, found you.

[@DiddleyDanTheMemeMan]

What a surprise!

[@slip2i876]

And now 2 years after your comment

[@dannybuttdog5281]

@@slip2i876 and two weaks after yours

[@slip2i876]

@@dannybuttdog5281 I'll be back in two weeks

[@enraikow6109]

Your honour, my defendant pleads rule of cool and claims that the prosecutor is a huge loser.

[@thomasvandeven5237]

Are we just ignoring the fully sentient cyborg Roomba?

[@ACombineSoldier]

Who cares, slugs are sentient. At least it isn't sapient.

[@user-gg1eo9tg8u]

I didn’t know that all I needed to make my day was hear a middle aged woman say in a completely monotone voice that it’s “completely hella fuckin balls to the walls”

[@Draconzis]

I thought the one dissenter was going to be a lone voice of reason that would be mocked and insulted by literally everyone else. Boy, am I glad I was wrong.

[@st3gosaurus]

Lmao he wanted them to be sentenced to life without parole because it's way more brutal

[@Mr.Faust3]

@@st3gosaurus pull a hunger games where a 100 prisoners enter and only one leaves

[@username-wq4us]

@@st3gosaurus It is more brutal, isn't it?

[@nyquillusdillwad9119]

@@username-wq4us It kinda is. I think death is too kind of a punishment for some people. Let them rot in a cell. And the death penalty is surprisingly expensive, it's cheaper to just get rid of it.

[@notliterallyme]

@@nyquillusdillwad9119 It’s only expensive because society insists on treating these people who are lower than animals kindly, if people were pragmatic each execution would cost less than a dollar for the bullet and that’s it

[@87togabito]

“Roomba has introduced a fully sentient vacuuming cyborg” Yea, but it still can’t mop.

[@chrisoffersen]

Incredible how long these justices have been around. Lifetime appointments have got to go.

[@SushiCombo]

baffling how they get lifetime appointments and can freely break the laws without repercussions.

[@idiomasentusiasticos7954]

Some justices have seen multiple wars but haven’t fought in a single one

[@phillipisayev1273]

The news actors are so good at acting. All the little mannerisms and spreads patterns of news anchors and reporters. If you weren’t speaking English and watched this video, you wouldn’t be able to tell it’s satire.

[@eelboy3098]

Damn, bit late there, bot

[@LedWolf7]

Hella-Fuckin' Balls-to-the-wall Awesome!

[@sclarsen86]

I tell you, this was peak onion.

[@itsumayo]

Justice Kennedy was onto something. We could make the moon a prison colony like Australia, except it’s 10 times worse. Then put every death row inmate there and see if they can make a society on the moon. Australia turned out alright, so we should be able to do the same with the moon.

[@joehill4094]

Who needs Australia when you can make Salusa Secundus? lol

[@ModernEphemera]

This is basically the lore for the original Starcraft lol except they were sent into deep space

[@Based_Gigachad_001]

No wonder Australia is so messed up.

[@Astrobrant2]

I wonder if any of the Justices have seen this video and if they laughed as hard as I did. I think they would all get a real howl out of this, except for Clarence Thomas, who would probably be offended that he was portrayed as actually having stated an opinion on something.

[@euphoricatheist6694]

@@snood1205 I find that hard to believe, the differences between the two are so stark to be near irreconcilable - especially with how radical Ginsburg is.

[@hereLiesThisTroper]

@@euphoricatheist6694 they were indeed friends. They even have a picture where both of them rode an elephant.

[@itsmannertime]

I am the law

[@marsar1775]

@@euphoricatheist6694 people with wildly differing standpints can still be friends

[@euphoricatheist6694]

​@@marsar1775 What a revelation.

[@TehSkullKid]

I think this is the onion’s masterpiece. I keep coming back to it and being totally stunned at how perfectly it’s acted and scripted. Those courtroom sketches too just make it feel so real. You seriously can’t tell if it’s a parody or not despite how ludicrous the whole thing is, and it feels so real even after watching it a couple more times over the years.

[@swyxTV]

this is my first time seeing it, see you next year

[@gamersinacontainer]

What a work of art.

[@freddogrosso9835]

Took me a while to find it again. I love it too.

[@TheCaliRhino]

Look for the “news anchor oddly interested in details of manslaughter law” video

[@theeternalnow6506]

It is one of the greatest videos ever produced.

[@kevinr6930]

Somehow this hits harder in July of 2024.

[@demiurge2501]

This is how I imagine laws are decided in Texas

[@Based_Gigachad_001]

Nah. It's how they are decided in California.

[@Kai_Sau]

1:33 "Then there followed aproximately one minute of all of the justices, individually claiming that they were the law." Made my day 😂😂😂

[@kanethompson708]

🙌

[@akikoivunoksa635]

2:06 text on the bottom: "war for the white house update: democratic party to change their mascot from donkey to snake eating its own tail" xd

[@chesscomsupport8689]

Looking back that's quite prescient.

[@jakethepillowsnake4098]

That is sadly quite accurate.

[@rykehuss3435]

Ouroboros

[@melonsoda4743]

ouroboros

[@iambread2914]

@@melonsoda4743 OwOboros

[@TreasureTrain]

The court room sketches add alot to this already perfect video

[@dntapringl8314]

As a commentator once said on another Onion video: This is the best channel for political jokes that are funny 10 years later.

[@TimeandMonotony]

"Benicio del Toro set to star in Benicio del Toro-language film" deserves more love (it's in the scroll.)

[@mario23412]

0:53 The continuation of John Robert's quote: "The video was particularly sweet, and it is the personal request of this Justice to have a copy of it for my own personal viewing, and showing to my buddies. Such transfer of property would be undertaken only in such as it is cool with Mr. Edelmen, the owner of said tape."

[@HiddelS143]

“A minute of the justices individually claiming that ‘They were the law’.”

[@camobeasto6909]

“The practice remains hella fuckin balls to the wall awesome” I’m dead 💀

[@twisted7202]

This is why the internet was created

[@brighthero4776]

exactly

[@andrewgiddens9565]

amen

[@Tubzbuster]

hella fuckin balls-to-the-wall awesome, put that on my tombstone

[@monkeyDaltuve]

"Less strictly constitutional and more strictly awesome"

[@OCMOOO]

1:34 One of the greatest pieces of comedy writing

[@HashSlinginSlasher94]

'I AM THE LAW"

[@supercomputer0448]

I am the law

[@sbSOAP141]

I am the law

[@atomiswave2]

I AM THE LAW

[@tobludjonsod4699]

I AM THE LAW!!

[@nathanwasywich-fox1926]

@@tobludjonsod4699 I AM THE LAW!!!!!!

[@TheOnion]

In Focus: Supreme Court: Death Penalty Is 'Totally Badass' | Subscribe to The Onion's KZbin Channel bit.ly/xzrBUA

[@parthschannel]

You have to watch this video 2 times. First to watch the video, and second to watch the tickertape with funny news headlines.

[@datamasked623]

I am the law.

[@SamuelStrickland]

I am the law.

[@supercoolguy43]

Randy Sharp I am the law

[@EXPERTatANYshooter]

I am the law

[@thiefrules]

The Supreme Court rules that the Supreme Court rules

[@vince1987]

I came here after i heard of that news!

[@callumandrecyk2965]

Theres an alternate universe where every onion story is true

[@Samgurney88]

This is what would happen if supreme court nominees were picked at random from commenters on KZbin.

[@BushidoBrownSama]

The picture of Scalia saying I am the law is hilarious

[@jackbotman]

Where the hell did they find all these solid actors

[@TheHuskyGT]

The way they say all this with a straight face and sound like legit news reporters always baffles my mind. Just imagine the amount of preparation these guys went though for just a three minute video. they even had the judges drawn by someone. I mean you can even hear that judge saying "I am THE LAW" with Silvesrter's accent, just by looking at his crooked mouth. This is brilliant. As always.

[@lazyRider420]

Suicide is Bad Ass - Danny Devito

[@a7mdxxxbohndy]

This is by far my favourite Onion news report Absolute masterpiece

[@christobanistan8887]

Mine is the kidnapped girl.

[@millantronni3242]

I cant decide between the beer killing or the military protection of homosexuals sketch

[@luizemerich7089]

Citizen Kane This is one of my favorites, definitely. But “situation in Nigeria seems pretty complex” is also on my list.

[@phoenixchase9271]

@@luizemerich7089 Mine is the black man arrested for bear attack one

[@--CHARLIE--]

This is my favorite standalone one aswell.

[@brbrdeng9122]

I unironically want all those court drawings for my room

[@benacewoofstorm]

I wish I lived in the onion dimension

[@Tingus__Pingus]

Fax

[@SootyPhoenix]

You don't? Have you ever read the "news" during the last few decades?

[@Based_Gigachad_001]

We already are.

[@singulartrout]

I can't believe she could stay in character saying "Hella Fuckin' Balls-to-the-Wall Awesome"

[@galliumgames3962]

Shouldn’t be any objections as long as they stick to using the humane head ripping off machine.

[@WalterLiddy]

I"m in favor of the giant rotating blades.

[@RedTheHead]

Imagine walking into the Supreme Court and everyone is saying “I am the law”

[@friendlycanadian3150]

Your either going to have a really good time or a really bad time.

[@Jeustful]

Still actual, 15 years later.

[@protoroc]

I agree with Justice Kennedy. They should be sent to the future prison colony to fight for our entertainment.

[@jetpackdemon1420]

"Death penalty is totally badass" sounds like a line from South park.

[@philosophyofiron9686]

That roomba bit at the end is now a realistic headline you could wake up to on any morning, but this skit was written back when real life, satire, and sci-fi dystopia could be considered separate concepts

[@johnb5057]

this is my favorite onion video hands fkn down

[@kassieraine110]

To deliver these lines straight-faced...wow.

[@Amenomihashira]

2:44. You can see him almost lose it.

[@mathijsverburg4931]

I AM THE LAW

[@sbSOAP141]

I AM THE LAW

[@mazymetric8267]

I AM THE LAW

[@beyza2004]

I AM THE LAW

[@goldensun2787]

I AM THE LAW

[@oopieswhoopies]

I am the law

[@CompoundingTime]

Still waiting the privatization of the prisons to come full circle and we can start having gladiator exhibitions.

[@pantophon]

This is my new favorite Onion video

[@ElGuayo]

I am the Law.

[@Bobelponge123]

Eduardo Bernheim I am the law

[@oleisl195]

I am the law

[@joerionis5902]

I am the law

[@variousswearwords2392]

I am the law

[@thecursingsaltine]

This is the Onion's best work, hands down

[@UnenthusiasticPerson]

Hell yeah

[@simonwilliams8525]

This feels like actual news now rather than satire

[@gooseteeth5455]

You can tell it's fake by how fast they respond to each other

[@GodStillHatesUs]

That’s the only thing that stuck out to you? It’s satire.

[@gooseteeth5455]

@@GodStillHatesUsoh it's satire? i never would've guessed

[@MrWarthog]

no it's real

[@gooseteeth5455]

@@MrWarthog oh thank god, I couldn't handle if the news lied to me

[@wodzimierzabramow1544]

Coming here so many years after this was released i can imagine what it'd look like today. The court ruled that the death penalty was, quote : "Totally based".

[@sk8erboino1]

RIP Justice Scalia & Justice Ginsberg

[@meduimrareberries5888]

They truly were the law.

[@local38on-tv]

Wait what

[@perrypougins379]

They were wicked

[@DogTeirJade]

14 years later your could make this exact skit, nothing is improving

[@ryanjohnstone9097]

The Onion is truly a timeless news source

[@Devin7Eleven]

Well that’s a rather hyperbolic and ignorant statement to make.

[@breadstick4458]

@@Devin7Elevennah the Supreme Court decided a mother has less rights than a group of cells. The Supreme Court is now responsible in part for women having to bring their rapists baby to term.

[@ILieToEveryone1337]

"...the practice remains hella balls-to-the-walls awesome"