Anxious Preoccupied Attachment Style: 12 Core Wounds & Accompanying Emotions

[@RayPryor]

Sets of CORE WOUNDS for Anxiously Attached: 1) I'll be abandoned, I'm unsafe 2) I'm not good enough, I'm rejected 3) I’m alone and unsafe 4) I'm disliked, excluded, or don’t belong 5) I'm disconnected 6) I don’t matter / I’m unimportant, I'm unseen, or I'm unheard

[@elusiva9389]

So maybe this id 12, 2 for each?

[@PoeticFlirting]

There's 12. He only got the first 6.

[@carolinelaronda4523]

There’s not 12 - the list is complete . Thais messed up saying 12 unless they’re on a whole other video

[@SuperTabitha17]

Yes, this was a little confusing. She started out numbering them and then kind of flew through the rest.

[@thisgustin]

2:43

[@PoeticFlirting]

Concious Understanding ☆ Feelings into language ---> solving the problem. ☆ Subconscious = feeling and symbol ☆ Concious = Language and Action ☆ Isolate the problem in order to solve. ☆ Core Wound = Emotional Imprint we get in our subconscious mind BECAUSE we didn't have the knowledge or the time to make sense of it.... suppression ---> Destruction. ☆ Tramatic situations ---> hypervigilance ---> Trust issues ---> Anticipation of repeated history UNLESS brought to a concious level. ☆ Trigger = Subconscious mind is reminded of danger AND concious mind doesn't understand reality. 1) "I will be abandoned..." 2) "...And that makes me unsafe." ☆ Panic/desperation/sad/numb/needy ☆ Be gentle and patient with yourself. ☆ Understand that it's not YOU. It's a trama-response. ☆ Question the stories you're telling yourself. ☆ Repeat these steps and rebuild self-trust. 3) "I am not good enough." 4) "I am rejected." ☆ They learned to soothe through their caregivers. (Forced codependency) ☆ They have to LEARN to self-soothe. ☆ Physical and emotional well-being dependent on someone else ---> Fragility. ☆ Sense of self came from relationships. When break ups happen, you loose yourself (according to your subconscious mind). ☆ Sad/Fear of Loss/Despair/Chakra Sting 5) "I am alone...." 6) "...And very unsafe." ☆ Lonliness/Hopeless/Sad/Heaviness ☆ Either worsening or bettering. You can worsen by ignoring the issue. You can better by understanding the issue. 7) "I am disliked." 8) "I am excluded." 9) "I don't belong." ☆ Burn/Jealousy/Sad/Fear ☆ More likely to happen around peers ☆ Adults feel safer. ☆ Happens when you identify yourself from your relationships/from the outside-in. 10) "I am disconnected." 11) "I don't matter." 12) " I am unseen/unheard/unimportant." ☆ Just because you're not invited doesn't mean you're disliked or belittled. Can you 100% say that? Don't dismiss it. Think about it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[@GMH9765]

Thx!!!

[@Datavinc]

Thank you

[@jaiminsharma]

Great... I just turned this around by writing down the opposite of this wounds... Turned it into meaningful audio affirmations... I would listen to it while I sleep for next 3 months

[@jadint1793]

Yooo thank you!

[@paulindenver]

Nice outline!

[@sophiafara5997]

I am getting a lot of value from this channel. You are so kind.

[@gavinbrooke]

I've been so focused on getting my DA wife to watch your DA videos that I didn't realize how on-point you are with all attachment styles. There were moments in this video where I had to hit the pause button because I felt understood for the first time in my life, yet at the same time I felt so sad for being in this position. I could only imagine what these videos feel like to a DA....to run full speed into a wall of reality. Excuse me while I grab some tissues......

[@IronX77]

Intro ends at 2:40

[@ladyofspa]

Thanks!!!!!!@

[@nevalans9524]

but the thing is that if you feel you are unliked or unlikable, you will most likely run into people that are genuinely not going to like you. And you will prove yourself right. and that's the vicious cycle.

[@shizukuspider6559]

Not true.

[@SirArtorias]

"Ultimately, I think being liked in the full complete sense that we desire is impossible anyway. In the same way you’ll never fully like yourself because you know who you really are, you’ll never like anyone else that you know completely; likewise, no one else will ever like you completely; because everyone is some amount unlikable." - Robert Pantano

[@surgicalninja216]

It is so hard being an anxious preoccupied dating a DA….18 yrs and we are only now acknowledging and noticing one another’s deep wounds. It is easier to label it and dig…and confront whatever it is. It is hard being 39, and realizing only now that I have these deep rooted issues. I appreciate your videos so much

[@simplyme8593]

The worst combination is a sensitive person (like an INFJ) with anxious preoccupied attachment style, married to a narcissist with avoidant attachment style... Pure Hell, I'm telling you 😞

[@elifeylul4089]

This is my mom and dad

[@simplyme8593]

@@elifeylul4089 😓❤

[@cse2482]

Why living with her?? Get yourself healed man,you deserve it, everything is hard, living like. That just bcz we are familiar of that hurt and also living and starting a new life with a journey of self healing that's a combination of getting to know our true self worth and esteem but also with lots of uncertainty and unfamiliarity that's will eventually make our nervous system dysregulated but this discomfort will short for only a few days,years ,but in the process you"ll live a new life that's all yours .

[@chasesorum9732]

Sounds like my fucking parents

[@inesboni9482]

Yes

[@ronaqainonline]

Please never stop making these videos

[@sabrinazoccola7947]

1. Fear of abandonment. Abandonment = Lack of Safety. Causes panic, desperation, depression. Trauma responses like reaching out too many times, etc caused by emotional overwhelm. Solution: 1. Recognize that this is a trauma response 2. Learn to self soothe- your brain will be programmed to believe you can trust yourself and feel safe. 2. I am not good enough/ I am rejected. APs learn to soothe through caregivers when growing up -> more fragile when caregiver is unavailable. Not having coping mechanisms, so it’s scary when people aren’t available. Sense of self often taken from relationships. Depression, feeling of being alone, stinging, feelings of loneliness, sadness, heaviness. 3. I am disliked, excluded or don’t belong. Very painful because often get sense of self from others, including peer group. Tend to identify yourself with relationships. 4. I am disconnected 5. I don’t matter/ I am not important. Smallness feeling of not mattering. 6. I am unseen/unheard. More solutions: Question the stories you tell yourself to take the power away from the wound. Not acting on autopilot!

[@SteezyDollIsabel]

I felt all those emotions when I feat being abandoned like my chest got tight and I felt super scared and like crying like how a baby cries when their mom leaves to work or leaves them.

[@pogemon2191]

Your anxiety gets triggered.

[@artsylady3187]

me too

[@trevorbrennan120]

Oof yup

[@karenthompson5539]

Wow. After many years of wise counsel, I'm blown away your 15 minute video so succinctly summarized issues I've been suffering with my whole life...all of it. Thank you, Thais! You are making a real difference.

[@moeshelton5872]

Congratulations! The first step in changing for the better is to admit the problem. We would never change if we never acknowledged the problem. I hope that your journey of learned behavior continues and you find true happiness within yourself. People are routing for you Karen. You got this!

[@Window4503]

Working through these actually helps. I’ve made it an exercise to address areas where I feel like people are reaffirming my fears of exclusion and then coming up with alternate interpretations as well as strategies to fix the problem. The next time I interacted with those people, I was more in the moment and less worried about what they thought of me, which in turn led to more fulfilling interactions. Turns out I was doing it to myself and blaming them (not saying this is true for everyone) 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@andreatorluemke4982]

Anxious are always over responsible for other peoples feelings and attitudes and actions. We must release ourselves from that

[@MOON-pe4jm]

I use to be anxious preoucipied. Until I was abandoned so many times and went through abusive relationships I became extremely fearful avoidant.

[@Rosehybride]

Same! Until recently I’ve felt more comfortable because I was seeing a really great guy, so I ended up opening up to him about boundaries/being forthcoming with him but I ended up getting cold feet because I was not feeling pretty enough for him, flaked on him, and because I was afraid of losing him I was ready to completely acquiesce on my boundaries and even was suggesting a friends with benefits situation but luckily he respected my boundaries because I was losing myself in him.

[@Celestials1aurora]

@@Rosehybridehow are things now

[@skies8363]

The one video that truly explained what was going on in my head and in my life in general. Many many thanks

[@zacflemo1994]

Im Impulsive ADHD and i just realised im Anxious Preoccupied, this video made me just realise it

[@andrewboyddotcom]

As a young boy I would go to school early to get in some football before the beginning of class. 2 teams would be picked sometimes from an odd number of players. Typically, I would be the last one picked and I was so bad that the team captain's would argue vehemently so they wouldn't have to have me on their team. Eventually it would be worked out. I would play for one team or the other and make no impression. I was a spectator in the class sitting between the geniuses at the top and the scamps at the back of the room. From memory, I played no active part in the class. I felt like a fly on the wall rather than a student of the class. I was useless and later took a deal Carnegie course in public speaking. This was transformational but did not address core wounds. Now age 63 and with many relationships sadly Under the Bridge, I have heard core wounds for the first time about 6 weeks ago. Why don't we learn these things which earlier in life and save ourselves and others so much grief? I have filled my week up with activities so that I do not have the time to feel lonely very often. I do however year earned for a close companion whom I can love.

[@blueheaven4838]

Which country are you in if you don't mind me asking. Canada?

[@layladlovely]

Being a disabled (autistic chronically ill) adult it’s super tough. I want to heal these core wounds, but the world keeps doubling down on the core wound messages.

[@Mindbodyharmonymedicine]

Thank you for your work. You have truly helped me learn about myself in a completely different way, and I feel like it’s fast tracked for the quickest healing. I was primarily secure and secondary AP, I now understand why it felt like I’m experiencing a fight or flight response in my body when I perceive a person to stop giving me attention/love. Or they change the way they’re behaving with me and it’s less affectionate or less communicating. I would immediately think I must’ve done something wrong...and would want to reach out even more. I’m going to be 30 in a few days and I wish I would’ve send these videos when I was in my teens. My 20s didn’t have to be so hard! My 30s will be smooth sailing! And when I decide to have a child, I can parent them to raise them with a secure attachment style. A big part of it was your direction, thanks again ❤️

[@romaekimberlybisnott6226]

This channel has been AMAZING for me since I found it a few days ago. I am learning so much about myself as an AP who was with a DA for years. Thank you for sharing this with us!

[@file13whereareyou]

Thank you, for making these videos. I am getting move benefit from your videos than I ever got from years of stretched out psychotherapy and medication that wasnt necessary or helpful. Your willingness to help us in this way, by making these videos and having your school has earned my respect forever. God will reward you.

[@edgreen8140]

I feel like I might be abandoned but through inner child work I know I will be ok. Sit in the feeling. What stories serve me or don't serve me.

[@kyliekulani]

Suddenly my Complex PTSD makes sense... thank you for this.

[@lunab.7858]

this was such a beautiful video, Thais. thank you ❤ i find it so so helpful, you're awesome and thank you for modeling the patience and gentleness we don't yet have the ability to provide for ourselves 🥰

[@joysnow3779]

Just discovered your work a few days ago, but you already changed my life. Thank you so very much

[@garymcnie801]

Your videos make so many things make sense now. Thank you!

[@phoenix8572]

As you said those words it hurt so bad. But I felt good knowing I’ve finally figured out why I feel this way

[@beckichaplin1974]

You really described the pain succinctly.

[@albethcajucom]

You are the teacher I needed in high school and college. Thank you for these videos. I hope your stuff becomes a core subject in schools. You make this world a better place. ❤

[@lisabeaumont]

This is my style, and I absolutely 100% relate to all of it. What I find hard to get my head around is someone NOT feeling how you described when they actually ARE abandoned or alone or an outsider or someone does them wrong. It’s impossible for me to imagine just brushing it off and not caring.

[@nurarihion]

It's not about brushing it off, but about bringing that same experience of the past over and over again to your present, trick you into ruining your present relationships for fear of abandonment. By fearing rejection we act on ways that make people reject us, I've been there for years. It may have been true rejection and abandonment in one or more specific experiences of our past, but trauma is when we bring that same experience over and over again and let it decide how we experience our present relationships. It is not easy to break the cycle, I know, years and years of hunger, anger, loneliness, like a record player playing itself. I used to self harm whenever I felt people ignored me, didn't hear what I said, whenever I felt someone replied to me late . The point is not if I was actually being ignored or not, the point is that my years of repressed trauma made me react on destructive and hurtful ways. Thankfully I've come to a place of balance and my healing journey continues, hope everything goes well for you too. The point of healing inside is so not to ever again being abandoned or rejected, that is a natural part of human interactions, but to be on a healthy inner space so as to take care of yourself whenever that happens.

[@lisabeaumont]

@@nurarihion thanks for replying. I joined the school for a month and worked through a couple of the courses for around 2 months in total, and I’m presently testing high Secure. What I realised is that I’d been putting up with terrible behaviour from others. I’d speak to the person but they’d fob me off, deny it, or twist things around and, because I’d be scared to lose them, I’d ultimately let them get away with it, repeatedly. Now I just walk. I address it with them and if they can’t behave like a decent human, I’m done. And I don’t even see it as abandonment or rejection but as the other person needing therapy.

[@nurarihion]

@@lisabeaumont Amazing!!!! Love to hear you're doing great!

[@lisabeaumont]

@@nurarihion thank you! I wish you the strength also to honour yourself in every relationship. Take care. :)

[@johannaj1522]

Lisa, are you saying the school really helped?? I am definitely considering joining. Your progress in 2 months sounds like a dream to me, I am struggling so hard right now😭

[@ivanadjak7845]

Thank you so much for your content, you are a healer 🙏🏻 Do you have content on the preoccupied attachment style’s inability to set and maintain boundaries (or to do so without huge amounts of guilt and conflict)?

[@cathymicallef1783]

I so giggled out loud, nope never been in your house🤣🤣❤️

[@defaultHandle1110]

Not everyone absorbs this through the words and remembers. Have a power point slide with points you made. People can take screenshots with their phone. Like flash cards. It will increase the effectiveness of these videos, and enable people to recall all these things. Cheers.

[@helenachase78]

I am doing so much better ! I just ended a toxic relationship with a A.D. I just had to trust that I was right in that this person was disrepectful, dishonest and without any self awareness. I gave it a good try and took it slow but this guy was just not capable of intimacy, giving true support or staying sober. I had to accept that I did not even like him and it was weird to be hanging on to someone I didn't respect at all. He never did a damn thing for me in half a year . 2 weeks after blocking him and I am turning a corner.

[@snuggleb100]

I am definitely anxious preoccupied. There’s many things that happen in my childhood that help contribute to that, including the abuse from my brother as I became an adult, I struggle with relationships. I did have one long-term relationship. We broke up after 2 1/2 years then I met my husband, who, at the time I did not realize it was a narcissist as I married this man and Had children he continued to inflict that fear of abandonment. I’m not good enough people don’t like me I’m not smart enough I’m not interesting enough. I feel lonely and all the things you’ve mentioned because he continued to inflict and use my core wounds on me so 32 years later I’m finally getting out, I’ll be definitely taking that course on anxious preoccupied attachment. Thank you

[@ChristopherChiu]

Just stumbled onto your channel the other day through a YT ad - took the test and was blown away. Have been binging on your videos since. Super helpful to see why my patterns in dating have popped up (I'm 35% AA, 15-20 the other two and 30% secure). As for this video, I pretty much have all these core wounds that you mentioned and have started journaling about where in childhood they came from (def from inconsistency w / parents, bullying due to my Chinese heritage and being HSP intensified it all)...I can also see where these wounds have been triggered lately. I'm gonna buy a membership to your course next week when my work projects stop and I'll go deep into this. I feel like i've uncovered a huge part of my past history & identity with this knowledge. thank you so much Thais for these videos, they are helping to heal further. PS - you are easy on the eyes so that makes watching your videos go by fast, but also hard to focus on what you are saying :)

[@blackdigitalnomad.]

Omg! Christopher from Da Nang!? Wow! What a small freaking world!

[@onegoodmichael]

Thaïs you are such a wonderful inspiration. You are disseminating some pretty complex and powerful information. And it seems very approachable and simple to access. Your understanding of the subject matter is impressive. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! 🤍🤍🤍

[@zarielandaluz458]

Perfect blueprint, dissection and flowchart to begin the process of self soothing procurement. Legit, thanks a lot Thais. Best vibes

[@carolinebrenning178]

I've really been wanting to join or start a support group involving the anxious attachment style. I think it would really help to have support from people who can relate and share personal experiences, as well as ideas for healing.

[@melanieluft4955]

Hey we actually have one on discord! (A few of us from the commetns section)

[@melanieluft4955]

discord.gg/4mvvUWK

[@carolinebrenning178]

That's wonderful! I'll join! Thank you so much for sending the link😊

[@casey2545]

@@melanieluft4955 do you still have it lol

[@AnnaToby]

Thank you for explaining the response to us. Thought I was alone in this.

[@zeosauce]

I know exactly when my AP attachment style solidified. It's when i was 5 and my drug addicted mother who loved me had to say "goodbye" to me in this park, and i went overboard showing her how much i loved her so that she would have the inspiration to get better and be able to be my mom again. But i never saw her after that until i was 22, and then she died last year and now im 39. 😅 Wow that's what happens when i study attachment styles ALL sunday mornining as i worry about whether a girl i like is pulling away...

[@butterbean3892]

Wow, this makes so much sense. I love they way she explains it too, thank you!! ❤️

[@hshfyugaewfjkKS]

Spot on. Thank you for the work you do. I hope you will do one on dismissive avoidant core wounds too.

[@wildangel4452]

I have mentioned this before;I only ever see your ads just before your videos. Not on other related videos. Isn't that KZbin wasting your ad money? If I'm already here to watch your videos why show me your ads. Look into it Thais.💜

[@hafssaechcharqaouy2834]

Iv realised this as well !!!!!!!!!!

[@alicehaywood7763]

Me too!

[@belindadomingo]

Same!

[@elle381]

Same

[@gerbil6565]

11:00 ive been trying to tell people that i feel this every time i get sad but they dont understand how bad it actually feels and hurts, it's the worst feelings ive ever felt in my life. id rather get shot than constantly deal with that feeling

[@devinonearth]

Hi there, amazing video. One thing - the auto-generated captions are set to Indonesian, and there are no published English captions. Could you please set the video language and auto-captions to English (or publish official English captions for it)? This would mean a lot to me and others I would like to share with. Thank you! 🙏

[@donaldtrumpuncensored6728]

I suffered from this... I got better, and I have no idea how!

[@elizabethparkes1581]

You are amazing! Have helped me so much in my personal growth path! Thank you!

[@lajoteriadelosangeles4873]

Thanks so much you’re an angel

[@didivredeveldt889]

What I was wondering about is if it isn't the other way around. The fearful avoidant may have learned to self soothe well enough to be able to develop "I'll do this myself" coping mechanism. Whereas an anxious preoccupied was in such danger through abandonment of their caregiver(s) that they did not reach the level to adapt such a coping strategy.

[@SamanthaLauver-Marion]

This was very helpful, thank you.

[@jkderick753]

I over compensated for being just direct and independent because I thought I had to for the relationship I’m in when I first started and started being an anxious preoccupied intp 😂

[@julialednicky7542]

Very insightful. This has helped me so much! Many thanks!

[@Mindbodyharmonymedicine]

I think you’d be PERFECT for a collaboration video with Kyle Cease

[@HannahGrace-yo1kz]

This is so good. Thank you

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Thanks for listening

[@kriziamortera9676]

You are amazing! I needed this, wow! Thank you!!! 🥰

[@lailas.3205]

It's so hurtful when a core wound is activated, and you can't tell if your interpretation of the trigger is correct, or if you're just feeling triggered. It makes it hard to know what the truth is and to trust yourself.

[@DawnSuper]

Thank you for this 💛

[@Ridoa478]

So this is strange for me because I had almost no external soothing when I was a child, I spent all day every day self soothing. I have like a billion ways to self soothe and I’m so great at it until I catch feelings for someone who makes me feel unsafe or unsure and uncertain. Then it feels like the self soothing just isn’t enough. All my coping mechanisms suddenly loose their ability to work on me. Idk.

[@MJLibellule]

Felt.

[@johannaj1522]

This was very helpful. I would like to find opposing statements to use as mantras. If that’s a good idea I would love to see a video on it as a follow-up🙏🏼 Thank you so much for doing this.

[@emmatakacova4986]

Thank you so much your content is priceless, keep going gorgeous x

[@sagwakitty]

If I'm an anxious attachment and start soothing myself after knowing my tendency to cling onto others for validation, how do I know that I'm not pushing people away?

[@tabithajax]

If taking care of yourself pushes people away... they were the wrong people. The right people will want to see you thrive, and thriving involves self-soothing at times. You deserve some of the love you give to others.

[@mammushameera]

This is soooo me ... i feel less burdened nw

[@TripleOptionFootballAcademy]

Yep, this is me… wow.

[@UrbanomicInteriors]

Excellent presentation.

[@2cool4u24]

Is it possible for the three attachment styles to overlap? I've only noticed videos talking about one or the other but I have a good intuition that they can overlap which makes it more complicated.

[@JohnJohn-xs5ru]

disorganized attachment

[@maithaalhabsi5167]

thank u so much for sharing this.

[@jadint1793]

FA with anxious attachment I connect with all these core wounds😮‍💨

[@simobonev4511]

Very useful video

[@Themadamdivine]

Thank you so much ❤🎉😊

[@juliannecox928]

Wow! Thank you!! Is it common to experience all core wounds regularly?

[@antheaoneill9342]

Thank you 😢❤️

[@lesleylichtenfels1699]

Thank you!!! So helpful

[@michaelhill2933]

I just cry hard..... And then it goes away

[@gabyr4641]

Your description says FA instead of Anxious!!

[@sparkoflight963]

I love your videos, just one thing please slow down. ❤️

[@GMH9765]

You can play youtube videos at a slower pace

[@EricSmith-mz7tn]

Question. I'm testing as a "secure" person. BUT I've been married to a DA for 14yrs. We're divorcing now and want to work on myself. I'm an INFJ-A personality type fyi. While I'm secure, i can't help but feel like I'm just not where I wanna be with emotional discipline. I'm quite calm, but idk. Maybe its her being DA making me question myself. Can you recommend a course? I'm considering the monthly subscription, but the Emotional Mastery class seems like it could be all i need.

[@ritikajaiswal4830]

It's what i feel in a nutshell 😬

[@SuperNesus]

This video felt like it could have been done in five minutes without all the word mumbo jumbo

[@RichardSmith-yl6wo]

Thank you❤

[@ellioty.1120]

you are so intelligent

[@richardmartinez2973]

Can two preoccupied anxious be in relationship together, I think my ex is anxious and avoidant, same as my self

[@deljeane2204]

my partner is AP and always wants to feel "included"

[@peameem]

I wish there were an adjustment where we could slow it down. I keep saying, "what did she say? She's talking so fast!". Or I wish there were a way to go back a couple seconds to hear it over again. Good stuff, but a bit hard to follow because it's being presented so fast.

[@emilyn7572]

Is a vacillator and anxious preoccupied the same thing. Different people seem to use different phrases to explain attachment styles. Its a little confusing.

[@abby4027]

Thank you Thais ❤️

[@oliviawu889]

What about those who learnt to self soothe because they had to? i.e. their parents weren't around to teach them and as a result do it ineffectively? thank you

[@ahuyn123]

can a anxious preoccupied learn strategies from an dismissive avoidance?

[@teodoaandjelkovic2403]

Can u make a video how to get an avoidnt ex back? I have watched some of ur videos on that subject but havent seem to find the answer.

[@thehapagirl92]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/aaG0l52wg7armJI

[@79paddysirl17]

You should not want to "get" any avoidant back unless you have healed you anxious attachment + THEY are also WILLING to heal their Avoidant attachment,,, you will otherwise try to do the work for both..

[@tulip5210]

Can we get core wounds when we’re older? I think I have corewounds from my friendship that I lost

[@bee-air]

Maybe the pain of this loss of friendship has triggered pain of a core wound or perhaps this loss friend really hurt you because you had a lot of love and invested a lot of time in this person ❤ You may have had attachment to this person and the loss of this friendship has hurt deeply. I have been in similar situations, so to help in future friendships I have learned not to attach too much to the point I make them part of my identity, and that friendships will come and go, enjoy the moments. Hope you find healing, Im sorry youre hurting.

[@sunflowerdominated6732]

2:44

[@Unknown-nn2jn]

Video starts at 2:43

[@jaredvaughan1665]

In MBTI anxious types generally prefer Fe and Se. And dismissives Si and Fi.

[@casey2545]

I'm an INTJ with an anxious attachment but-

[@jaredvaughan1665]

@@casey2545KZbinr CS Joseph has noted that Se tends to be anxious and Si avoidant. Se inferior has alot of performance anxiety. So The most anxious types would generally be STP-NFJs. And the most avoidants STJs-NFPs. The other types going either way.

[@SouleStunningCleans]

Did you always have a healthy attachment style or did you need to work to get there ?

[@morallyflexiblesapphic7287]

I still haven't figured out which attachment style I am

[@reflastori]

Is Preoccupied Attachment style always Anxious? Prolly a stupid question lmaoo just wanted to have that clarified

[@OnjelieMarie]

Yes

[@becurly8784]

How to self-sooth?

[@carolinebrenning178]

Think about what it is you're wanting from other people (such as a significant other) and find ways to meet your own needs for yourself. It's an amazing feeling, esp if you struggle with codependency. It feels good to do things for yourself... to do things that make you happy without relying on other people to make you happy. It's a good feeling.

[@turbodump4753]

👍

[@oceanviews4725]

Are you saying Anxious preoccupied have this attachment style because they didn’t learn to self soothe as children?

[@RobMacDougall]

what a gut punch .. ugh