How to Bypass An Avoidant Attachment Style's Defenses To Connect More Deeply!

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In today's video, Thais Gibson walks us through bypassing the core wounds of the dismissive avoidant attachment style (dismissive avoidants). Watch now to find out these common core wounds and what they mean as Thais provides useful tips and guidance.
To learn more, explore the transformative course, "Advanced Dismissive Avoidant Attachment Style Course: Your Guide to Thrive in the 6 Stages of a Relationship", for powerful tools you can begin using immediately on your journey!
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00:00:00 - Intro
00:01:11 - Sharing Needs | Avoiding Shame
00:05:10 - Conflict | Trauma Response
00:07:24 - Feeling Trapped
00:09:55 - Positive Reinforcement | Vulnerability Wound
00:11:25 - Validate Their Emotions
00:14:22 - Fear Opening Up
00:15:11 - Sensitive to Helplessness or Powerless
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Hey there! I'm Thais Gibson, and this is the channel where I teach you how to transform your life.
I created the Personal Development School, an online learning platform that gives users the ability to create true and long-lasting change in their lives through personal development courses that are designed to give you a breakthrough in every area of your life, with a 99.7% satisfaction rate.
Our KZbin videos give you a glimpse into this in-depth course content. Much of what you'll learn here is based on your attachment style and how that affects the relationships you have with your family, friendships, and of course, your romantic relationships.
So what are you waiting for? This could be the start of your personal development journey. Subscribe to our channel and start watching!
#PersonalDevelopmentSchool #ThaisGibson #PDS #AttachmentStyles #DismissiveAvoidant #DismissiveAvoidantAttachment #AvoidantAttachment #AvoidantAttachmentStyle #DismissiveAvoidantCourse #DismissiveAvoidantNeeds #UnmetNeeds

[@sabrinawilliams8209]

As a DA, thank you to all of the others in our lives who are working to meet us as we grow. It's not something you have to do but something we appreciate. Thank you.

[@EthanosTheMighty]

I honestly want my ex to feel loved and I’m afraid that she never will. I truly love her with all of my heart and I don’t care about how much I get hurt from trying to help her. I only want her always and forever.

[@EthanosTheMighty]

I know she cares about me and is only scared of losing her independence how can I assure her that she won’t?

[@LMAR207]

The only thing I don't like about these videos is that they're always structured around how we should cater to an avoidant. If the person doesn't know they're an avoidant, or don't want to acknowledge that they are, then all we're doing is enabling them to continue their toxic behavior. I shouldn't have to walk on eggshells around their tendency to dismiss relationships. They need to work on healing their core wounds and then we can approach the relationship from a secure standpoint.

[@LeeChrissy]

We actually don't have to cater to anyone we don't want to. We can say "This isn't the relationship for me." then leave.

[@ericvey]

Or wait until they "dismiss" you. That's what I did. I only know about women. Sometimes this type of behavior is temporary and I've seen it change in a few months a few times. In my latest case I patiently waited a few months and saw it get worse, so I was expecting her to dismiss me. BTW, before I saw these videos, I was ignorant about attachment styles lasting long out of childhood.

[@harry-james-books]

Exactly

[@bobbylacy2374]

Amen! Catering to them and the destruction they cause is how we found out about the DA personality.

[@Anthony-nq9ih]

Or how’s this… if you truly love this person, show them her videos on identifying the different types. If they try, they care about your relationship. If not, then they’re probably not the one for you

[@christyannceraso]

Enough already! We understand them better than they understand themselves and we have tried everything!

[@gregvanpaassen]

Blame their mothers.

[@michaels.2936]

So true

[@mrstoner2udude799]

Agree! I'm moving on.

[@codyjones1098]

amen!!!

[@Dragooneater]

We try understanding them so bad that we excuse what they do out of empathy. And that is just not it. So anyone reading this, if you have to keep stating your boundaries and your needs are repeatedly not getting met. Just walk away. Better you than them abruptly ghost out of the “pressure”. Trust.. it won’t hurt as much

[@TheAlixir]

Learning from Thais this is What I said to him that contributed to him committing after a year of situationshipness. “Doesn’t have to be today, tomorrow or even next week, but I need certain non negotiable needs met and need to see the needle move or we may have to start taking an honest look at incompatibility” I just wanted him to spend more time with me. He ended up saying he loves me and we became official. Wow!!! It worked!

[@KentBuchla]

It won’t last unless the Avoidant does DEEP work, which they won’t, as they hide from emotional discomfort. Prepare yourself and/or get out now.

[@LeeChrissy]

I love that for you! Avoidants can be great partners. ❤

[@KentBuchla]

100% won’t work. See you in the same spot, year after year.

[@SunshineAndSnowflakes]

​@@KentBuchla you don't know that. Why would you even say that? How's it helpful?

[@taylorbee4010]

He got scared of you leaving

[@SK-no2pp]

If someone acts like your partner but refuses to use titles, it's because they aren't ready for a relationship, want to keep their options open, or aren't sure about you. Titles define a relationship. There's no ambiguity when there's a title, which is why labels scare people who aren't read to commit. Relationships are about actions AND words. When it comes to relationships, actions don't always speak louder than words. One is not more important than the other. The important thing is whether someone's actions align with their words. To avoid using a title, people might say things like let's just take it slow, I want to enjoy what we have, I like things the way they are, I don't want to get hurt, I don't do labels, it's too much pressure, I'm not ready for a relationship yet, the timing isn't right, let's see how things are going in a few months, etc... But when a person is ready to commit, comfortable with intimacy, and sure about you, the way they act will align with the words they speak

[@cher9345]

All good info, but when they totally clam up not much a person can do.

[@KP-vl1to]

Its often when they know they're not doing enough, they will be hyper sensitive to anything you say.

[@nannyboo9832]

Exactly. They have a shame/guilt complex and it’s sometimes impossible to even communicate w them w/o making them run

[@SandraWade666]

I could not say anything less than positive with my FA without him projecting his own internalizing of what I'm saying meaning he's a "bad partner" onto me. It was like he didn't understand anything I said because his defenses were so strong. And i always used "i feel" "I think" language and talk about behavior not character but he still projected onto me. He will have a hard time finding someone like me who is secure AND tried to communicate with him nicely and healthily with him, or someone who did as much work as I did!!

[@angelinadenisenko7396]

I feel the same way. Even the most gentle approach, he found a way to personalize it and tell me he's not good enough, completely derailing the original point. It becomes all about him, but he tells me, "It's always about you". Can make you feel crazy!

[@bobbylacy2374]

I told my spouse I just work for him and am required, not by choice, to do everything he doesn't want to do. These tasks still have to get done but he won't do it or even offer to help. So over it.

[@luketimewalker]

Priceless insights but I'm having the hardest time HEARING what you have to say... sound quality is totally hashed!!!

[@sifublack192]

Seems like a lot of work and is eerily similar to the constant validation the APs need in a relationship. I've always just addressed things in a loving way and guaged the response I received. I'd either leave it stay depending on the response.

[@stoutpig]

The issue I take with these videos is the framing that the DA is an innocent victim of their attachment style. Mine is largely arrogant that his avoidance is superior and that I am flawed because I don’t handle things the way he would. In the meantime, he deflects all negativity in the relationship onto me. If we’re busy, he tells people we can’t do something because I said so, instead of just saying that we’re busy. Then people think I’m the bad guy and he tells me I should handle it better like he does.

[@SunshineAndSnowflakes]

Are you happy in this relationship?

[@Kay-zv3mk]

If the DA isn’t an innocent victim then neither is the anxiously attached. It’s just as toxic to cling to other people and make them the center of your universe emotionally, just as it’s toxic to push away and pretend those emotions and attachments don’t exist at all. People say the avoidant doesn’t want to work on themselves, but I find that the anxious doesn’t really want to either most of the time. They don’t actually want to heal and become more independent, they just use healing and becoming more independent as a means to keep clinging to the avoidant and keep them in their life. That’s not healing, it’s manipulation. It’s difficult to get to the point where you don’t need that other person, but it’s worth it. When you truly set them free it becomes a lot easier, because if they go you’re good, and if they stay you’re both good and they don’t feel the pressure. Letting go is so hard but it’s so worth it, you gotta learn to love yourself first and that means setting boundaries in a healthy way, and sometimes it means taking a break or leaving if it isn’t something that can be reconciled.

[@lgfish5337]

sounds like an arrogance problem not and avoidance problem , yeah?

[@eoKingNoodle]

I can relate, I've had three DAs in my life do the same

[@laquanwilliams3917]

There's alot more going on than his attachment style

[@user-uc1oy3zk4t]

I realize that avoidant people usually have very high awareness about "power dynamics", the kind of language subcomunication best seen in presidential debates, and that's why the are very sensitive to microagressions, they learned early to understand those as threats to their social status.

[@gregorystinette8271]

Please keep making these educational videos; we live in a society that is totally dysfunctional & nobody knows how to act because parents don't know how to raise children. Shalom

[@TheAlixir]

I find I do well communicating until he says “I’m not doing this right now” and something inside me gets triggered and I fall into unhealthy communication. I’ve learned this so try to stop myself but I’m feeling crazy the entire time. I think it triggers abandonment and makes me fear that he’s trying to train me to keep my mouth shut as the narcissists I was with before would do.

[@vanessap8717]

Well it very invalidating and disrespectful, reactive abuse is a thing. Yes you need to keep your integrity in these moments, but dealing with this type of behaviour will make you crazy. Good luck, I hope you find happiness. Don’t abandon yourself too long.

[@angelinadenisenko7396]

This is exactly what my ex would say and the silent treatment would begin. Triggered me massively but I could see how wrong a week long silent treatment was, so I tried extremely hard to be present in the reality and not make excuses for him. To see it exactly for what it was.

[@brianburris]

Wow , I think I just wrote this. Why can't I find someone that isn't a narcissist, that actually wants to stay in a relationship even if there is a small disagreement, I just want someone to add to my life, I'm a really good man, I raised my son on my own, I'm a home owner on my own, I love hard. I don't cheat . I try so hard. .why don't ppl just want to be happy together , be nice to each other and have a life together. And give each other our needs , not this one way relationship stuff. I'm 36 I'm tired of starting over after always trying so hard , only reason I have had long relationships is because I fought for them . I can't fight for someone anymore that won't fight for me back .

[@bobbylacy2374]

​@@brianburrisTry being 65, with terminal cancer, and facing starting over. Being at the end of my rope, I was researching marital issues and this term was used. I just learned I've been in a 25 year relationship (20 year marriage) with a Dismissive Avoidant for the first time yesterday. It fits him perfectly. I understand the person can learn to change this but, at 72, I doubt my husband will. 😢

[@TheAlixir]

@@bobbylacy2374 just yesterday you found this information?! Oh my! Well Im so glad you’ve found it. It can help, i promise you it can. There is a lot of good info out there but there’s also bad. Use your discernment. This channel and school has changed my life like night and day. There are also videos by men for DA men… I think his name is Adam. I highly recommend trying the 7 day trial with PDS. There’s live webinars everyday and you’ll meet a lot of us who’ve gone through similar situations and Thais can answer your personal questions too. And more often than not people do “change” once they know how. Theres hope.

[@OnZFlyStudio]

As a DA. I've been going to therapy as well for BPD. Talk about a shit storm I am. But all of these videos highlight things that I have been identifying to help reduce these issues. Seeing everyone say to run sucks. I get it. I've pushed my wife so far after 6 1/2 years. 2 years of separation and therapy and trying was still not good enough for her.

[@espiritualidadetarot3779]

I am very thankful to you, Thais, for this channel and its insights. It is helping me finally understand what happened with a couple of very good friends who, unfortunately, are DAs who don't want to work on themselves and just discard people. Understanding them is finally helping me heal, get closure, forgive and move forward. I am relieved to learn that it was about them, not me, and understanding their psychological struggles and pain allows me to replace anger with compassion, which facilitates forgiveness. Because they are not evil narcissists as I had considered, which was very hard to forgive. I feel deeply for the people who are in relationships with DAs. This video is necessary for them. As for me, my personal choice is to not go down this rabbit hole again. I want securely attached relationships. Maybe I could even cope with an anxious partner. But an unhealed DA who doesn't want to get better? Thanks, but no, thanks.

[@orca21fernando]

That's so interesting. I'm a DA but I always go into fight mode in conflict - I don't like conflict but I get so defensive that I will destroy the other person in front of me

[@taylorbee4010]

I needed this six months ago

[@harry-james-books]

Better late than never

[@tmreaves1]

I dont want to feel like a fool. I do want to be better at dealing with DA. i think it helps me to grow also but when and where do i draw the line. This journey is a lot of work. I guess i wish someone took the time and did the work for me but the truth is it is up to the individual.

[@Littleowl85352]

Can you do the work for you? Spend the time on your self development?

[@tmreaves1]

@Littleowl85352 yes I am. You don't even know how much growth you need or how much you need to grow until you are in relationships or having relationship. All I can do is work on me.

[@codyjones1098]

NO NO NO NO!!! WHAT ABOUT YOUR NEEDS? YOUR LIFE? You have value.,,worth a life just for you!!

[@HealingHappyAli]

I would love small relationship Ho To guide books based on Attachment Type. I unfortunately raised my kids as an FA, I did my best and provided well but I know have DA and FA kids who are navigating relationships. They are new to relationships but if the self-strageties, relationship strategies are in books/journal type books I could leave them around or send as little gifts without being too codependent 😅

[@SunshineAndSnowflakes]

Same. My son is a sweetheart, but definitely leans avoidant and my daughter seems to be showing FA traits. I try to help them resolve things in a healthy way. We have a lot of deep conversations together.

[@tucky3191]

Thank you Thais!! You deserve so much more views

[@rockyroad9709]

YOU MAKE SO MUCH SENSE !!!!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!

[@lilredheaded1]

Thank you for creating and sharing.

[@NoSenatorson]

As an avoidant, I highly resent any form of manipulation. Most of us cope with it at work because it is what we have to do to make a living, but in our personal lives, it’s an absolute no go.

[@yknowwhatcrys4791]

Great video! This is what we need to know abt how to interact and disengage the negative thoughts/behaviors/ruminations before they start. Thank you! 😊

[@seanrice5693]

This is complete bullshit. It’s essentially “change your entire life and procedure to accommodate a DA.” Just run. They aren’t worth the effort.

[@codyjones1098]

YEP!!! DONT waste your own life!!! You are not the thrapist!!

[@harry-james-books]

Amen

[@BruceJC75]

When they future fake and bring up all these milestones themselves, why would you have any reason to believe that they would pull the rug out from under you?

[@denisemay3996]

Thank you.

[@digitalnuke]

Thanks for this video! I was just writing my FA that I’m not getting enough time with her and it was feeling like an ultimatum (it kinda is). Your advice made me realize I was being too pushy so I softened the language and included positive feedback. I hope it works!

[@SunshineAndSnowflakes]

Thanks for doing that. I'm a healing FA and can't seem to date because I don't want to see anyone more that 3 or 4 times a month. That's why I don't even try dating. My ex is avoidant so he totally got me but most don't. Softening the conversation will definitely land better with her. ❤

[@vanessap8717]

How would you soften it? Any examples?

[@digitalnuke]

I went from “This is not working for me. I need more out of this relationship. Here’s what needs to change: (numbered list)” to something less confrontational . I started with telling her how much I appreciate when we can spend time together, a compliment on a gift she gave me at Christmas, and “I want our relationship to be strong and last a long time. To help that happen, there are a couple things that I think will help us be closer and trusting of each other.” My requests were one date a week, even as simple as coffee is ok, and a phone call or text conversation every night. To me this sounds like the minimum to keep a relationship hanging on, but I have a feeling that it might still be too much for her. She’s been a constant source of pain and frustration (stood me up, ghosted, every text conversation ends unresolved when she goes silent, tells me about fun activities she did with her friends but nothing for me, she forgets important conversations). It’s gone on for more than a year, and I’m finally drawing a line. I hope the softer approach will help. She hasn’t responded yet. I’m not sure what I’m hoping for. I can’t imagine making any kind of long term plans with her, unless she changes DRAMATICALLY and, while I’ve been hoping that my emotional support and trustworthy affection would help her, nothing has changed. I’m not going to hope for that anymore, it’s literally out of my hands and she has said in the past that she just has too much going on to give me what I ask for. I just realized how many times I’ve used “hope” when it comes to my side of this relationship. I’m ready for something real instead of hoping.

[@isabelsmith109]

Can you start a podcast so i can just have you on in the background all the time lol i love the content its the main thing i listen to on youtube 😅

[@marcokuhner2445]

If you date a DA as an Anxiously attached person, having to follow all these rules is gonna make you feel less heard and at some point the pain will be so big you can’t keep it inside anymore

[@lauren3027]

Hi Thias, I truly cannot thank you enough for putting out these videos, they are so helpful and informative for me, I love all the examples and practical tips you offer! I have a question: recently I had a guy tell me needs are fake. I kinda understand what he means since I could say, for example, I need to chat 2-4x per week to feel connected and loved, but is it actually necessary? I need consistency, but if it's imperfect, does that negate all the previous effort? If it becomes consistently imperfect, that might change my feelings towards a man, so I see how those are things I need to progress a relationship, but how would I address a comment like that? He agreed children have needs, but I guess I am not sure if that was gaslighting or a narcissistic comment, or a red flag? I have trouble identifying these things since I have had to question reality so much throughout my life, and I find it a struggle to express my needs so hearing a comment like this was confusing for me, even though I realize that he may not be the right person for me if he doesn't care about what I feel is important for me in a relationship..

[@thevent8059]

Hey, what is the name of the full webinar this was cut from in the school? I’d like to watch it please and thank you 😊

[@markcafebrown2883]

Hi ThIs. Yes middle ground 100%. If you over support or under support they do close down. Was this a live I mused?

[@motjon]

In the background of all of this the disclaimer here is that the avoidants attachment style is NOT conducive for a healthy relationship. So dont go into this expecting that the avoidant will change. Likely, they may not change at all and you have to be okay with that if you choose to continue to have a relationship with that person. It's not personal, they just aren't in the space to heal and until they do the inner-work they will continue to struggle to have healthy interdependent relationships. The choice to stand beside them until that happens is yours.

[@souliog]

Best thing I did was divorce my DA😅…my new girl gives me the healthy attachment I deserved

[@Elle10033]

Do any of these apply to FA leaning DA? I'm having issues with FA meeting more of my needs.

[@nannyboo9832]

I feel like DAs get turned off about someone else’s needs? They don’t want to be relied upon in my experience, especially severe avoidants who fear enmeshment. It’s a lose lose I guess lol

[@ensulalachance8353]

This makes sense

[@noraa3815]

Being traumatized by a FA is something I never saw coming. Putting a term FA with a little bow tie is not enough. This is a serious mental health condition and one that needs to be disclosed in the first couple dates. It is unfair to people who are normal and wanting normal healthy relationships.

[@jarvisgiles5392]

I sadly agree. I was trying to connect with an FA, and they are in no way trying to build anything. It's literally one-sided. They don't speak, check-in or nothing. Makes me feel desperate. I'm an AP and it not good for my health 😮‍💨

[@harry-james-books]

Google "Quiet BPD"

[@isabelsmith109]

My DA would be terrifieed at the title of thisvideo. His eyes would get big. 😂 and he would be scared. My opinion is once i can see how vulnerable he really is and how much he feels, its really easy to get why so many walls are in fact up.

[@Kay-zv3mk]

I am honestly sick of all the avoidant hate that goes on in these comments sections in basically every attachment style video I have seen. I was an anxious attachment style, but now I lean much more secure. I take responsibility for myself and who I allow into my life. If you are coming on here and commenting negatively about avoidants, you probably need to seriously work on yourself before getting into a relationship because you’re spewing the same toxicity that you say avoidants have. I don’t mean to be insensitive, but sometimes you have to be blunt. You are allowed to leave a relationship if you feel it’s one sided, you are allowed to stay and work on it, but either way it’s your choice. Choose your suffering, choose your battle. At the end of the day though, whether you stay or go, you need to figure out who you are and put yourself first, otherwise you’re going to lose yourself in that other person and come on KZbin to bash them in the comments section instead of actually seeking help.

[@SunshineAndSnowflakes]

❤

[@Littleowl85352]

Those are scary people who obviously don't love themselves or others

[@Shutzie27]

I understand what you're saying, but I'm going to gently push back a bit here and point out the DA's patterns of intermittent reinforcement literally cause a _physical_, neurochemical addictive response. If leaving were a "choice" Thais wouldn't have so many videos explaining that impact and the need for subconscious reprogramming.

[@Littleowl85352]

@@Shutzie27 as a recovering addict and a DA it is a choice to heal from addiction, to go get the correct help instead of wailing in a corner blaming the world and everyone else for your addiction

[@Ann963]

⁠@@Littleowl85352 I agree, but I think there is power in learning and understanding the source(s) of one’s addictive behaviors. The problem is what you said, when people *stay* in the external fault-finding so they don’t have to grow.

[@anna_be_tripping]

The question is, is there anyone here who's healed from being a DA? Is it possible to heal and become more secure ??? As a DA i hate that im so closed off, i am desperate to change and try save my relationship. Ill do anything but sometimes it feels impossible to change. I just discovered this channel and hoping to hear from others who have done the course, did it work

[@JoseGomez-uz7jq]

You are dating someone for a few good months but yet, you don’t want to pose the question, “what are we?” Just to protect their feelings. I appreciate a lot of your content and I’ve learned a lot, but I also feel that the information given is to justify and coddle the avoidant. But yet, what about the other half of the relationship? A relationship is a 2 way street and should be treated as such, not just one person giving more for the other because the other can’t do the work to realize what is going on within themselves.

[@SK-no2pp]

If someone acts like your partner but refuses to use titles, it's because they aren't ready for a relationship, want to keep their options open, or aren't sure about you. Titles define a relationship. There's no ambiguity when there's a title, which is why labels scare people who aren't read to commit. Relationships are about actions AND words. When it comes to relationships, actions don't always speak louder than words. One is not more important than the other. The important thing is whether someone's actions align with their words. To avoid using a title, people might say things like let's just take it slow, I want to enjoy what we have, I like things the way they are, I don't want to get hurt, I don't do labels, it's too much pressure, I'm not ready for a relationship yet, the timing isn't right, let's see how things are going in a few months, etc... But when a person is ready to commit, comfortable with intimacy, and sure about you, the way they act will align with the words they speak

[@dentrout9383]

❤❤❤

[@ShimmerSoulSong]

I wonder how many DAs are only children? Maybe do a survey? Conflict is Normal. Look at siblings. Many know bickering frequently and still love each other. We need to learn to lean into Repair. And be accountable for our own impact and responses.

[@robsterling9903]

She’s a runner - watch and walk away - she’s a runner you can’t make her stay

[@sonnycortez7013]

I'm grateful to have subscribed to your channel. May I please offer a respectful request. You speak super fast. By slowing down, it gives the listener an absorption of your words and a vibe without worrying what they missed. I wish to continue my journey as a subscriber. Thank you.

[@harry-james-books]

Speaks too fast and with a silly fry. I'm English and have loads of American friends, but I have to use the subtitles and run at .75 speed

[@bakekay21]

You can control the speed of the videos on KZbin with Playback speed in settings.

[@harry-james-books]

@@bakekay21 Sure, but why should I have to, and it only makes the fry worse anyway 🤷‍♂ I'm not getting at her - but it's an affectation, not something congenital

[@user-nx6ru1rj6k]

Didn't know there was a word for it: "fry". Thanks. It makes listening to someone with it a horrible experience.

[@angelcandelaria6728]

Damn. This sounds exhausting. How do i get a chance to speak to them honestly and intimately? Im 20 years deep and trying to be so patient. I feel like there is never enough time or space for me in conversation. Its very one sided

[@victoriabernhard1036]

Sounds exhausting 😢. Love shouldn't be soooo difficult

[@harry-james-books]

Love isn't, but an avoident doesn't love you, they love themselves

[@Mr.Langley]

I found out that I am a fearful avoidant or dismissive avoidant and my wife said she feels more like a roommate than my wife and I tried to change to make her not feel that way but I guess I couldn't show her more affection that she wanted and I also wanted... It's just so difficult I was wondering why I couldn't do it even though I tried what I felt like wasn't my best but it still wasn't enough 😢

[@beac8238]

How do you show affection and how does she want you to show affection?

[@SK-no2pp]

You should read the five love languages

[@Littleowl85352]

Reflect honestly on how safe you are as a person before you get snippy at others for not feeling safe around you. Defenses are there for a reason, the world crawls with codependents who want you to toe the line and love them in exactly the right way so they never have to sit with their pain and fear.

[@pizzelle2]

No DA DESERVES a partner or a relationship, but I’m one of those people who stuck it out with my DA and actually healed from anxious attachment to healthy attachment as a result of it, thanks to videos and resources like this. Seriously. This sounds like an ad but it’s not 😂

[@Visioneering1]

Catering to a DA? What’s the next video? Catering to a Narc? 🧐

[@nymeria5013]

Literally be his or her mother 🤦🏾‍♀️ only that they are not an actual toddler having an emotional breakdown.And they can also make adult decisions such as walk away🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️ NO. If they are not working on their trauma NO.

[@samuelpayne5460]

She’s trying to make a compliment sandwich. It’s so much easier than this. Say what you want, and then be ok with hearing, no I can’t do that. The problem is that you feel entitled to EVERYONE catering to you and your needs instead of saying, I need something from you, what can I do for you to get that? The things you’re telling people to do will backfire

[@youtubeuser5102]

Grow up and heal

[@nicoledburns82]

Im an avoidant with ptsd and betrayal trauma due to my husbands affair. All I hear is how horrid I am for having an avoidant attachment and no accountability for what makes an avoidant attachment style. For everyone bashing the avoidant, make sure you didnt make them that way first and look inwards. Otherwise all you do is verify why we are this way.

[@buellerferris]

In other words, you have to walk on eggshells with these people.

[@HealingHappyAli]

You have to know yourself, your needs, what works for you and state your boundaries in a calm, assertive way. It should be emotionally safe for both parties.

[@MySkillfulmeans]

Wishing you healing. ❤

[@trinaija]

I swear I dislike them more and more each day. The whole relationship is about them.

[@SunshineAndSnowflakes]

​@@trinaijathey're actually pretty great humans most of the time. It really depends on the person. I adore my DA friends and exes.

[@MarijaEnchantix]

@@HealingHappyAli So I have to have gone to therapy, be perfectly healthy and safe, but they are allowed to just be damaged and refuse to do anything about it. But I ahve to show up as perfectly ehaled and reparent them...

[@babysaint111]

gosh every time i go into one of these vid's comment section i see so many people resenting avoidants for no reason rlly. just go to therapy and accept u had a crappy relationship, not every DA is evil please stfu ✋🏻💀

[@bobbylacy2374]

Said the Dismissive Avoidant. Scroll on, superior but insecure and damaged being who makes other's lives Hell! .

[@solongmari]

I can be friends with an avoidant, but never lover. Once was enough. I became anxious and I'm usually secure. It was crazy. Good for maybe a fling or a casual situation, but you really need to find a avoiding whos self aware for it to work. Which i think its rare to find..

[@codyjones1098]

YA been there!

[@karolvrchovsky4426]

What are you doing? 3:44, 4:11, 5:05, 5:37, 8:00, 9:49, 10:53, 11:40, 15:33 it is very annoying, also bad quality microphone sound and the vocal fry. Thank you for the content, though.

[@SuperMjai]

But the dismissive avoidant is the one who gets loud and aggressive...I don’t understand???

[@LeeChrissy]

Maybe if it's a fearful avoidant, but all the da's I've had in my life never fight or get loud and aggressive.

[@Littleowl85352]

@@LeeChrissy we can if we are drunk or highly annoyed

[@LeeChrissy]

@@Littleowl85352 gotcha. The few DA's in my life are either stoners or sober. I've never seen any overreactive sides of them.

[@Littleowl85352]

@@LeeChrissy alcohol lets all the repressed emotion out in a horrific way

[@stormyskyz7881]

I just just don’t think it’s healthy for AA folks to push to people that clearly still have work to do… mah more videos of DA’s actually doing the weed work😊

[@DeadMysticx]

my FA dumper is still triggered if he see me on the street and gets angry. So i dont think I can bypass that. He wont even greet me on the street. lol.

[@DaveE99]

Why the anger?

[@DeadMysticx]

@@DaveE99 no idea, I never did anything and went directly into no contact. 7 months ago I moved into his neighbor town because of a new job and since then, everytime he sees me he either stares at me angrily or avoid me completely. I think my whole existence in his area now, triggers him

[@ivfel]

I experience the same with a DA😂 he broke up with me, and I went straight to no contact. 4 months later he avoids my friends too😂

[@DeadMysticx]

@@ivfel our breakup was 2 years ago :D

[@DaveE99]

@@DeadMysticx that’s interesting, I’m FA and that just don’t make a ton of sense to me unless he got really hurt and felt betrayed by it or something, there are some things that can cause us to hold grudges longer too. Perhaps as a protective mechanism. Maybe he invested more than you thought and then got kinda blindsided, I had that happen once and god did that screw with me, it actually was what got me researching how women think feel and behave as well as my self and others. It was like I certainly wasn’t in Kansas anymore. And I’m def not perfectly healed as still more work but god has that just been a sort of cynical things seeing how people work in general, and perhaps it’s the people around me coupled with the out group competition mentality I see amoungst a lot of society.

[@codyjones1098]

You may not communicate "optimoly"! In short , you need to tailor your life to fit their disorder! You want to live that way? You want to be a therapist and waste your life?

[@Mylo-hi8jo]

Nah, Da are completely nuts, and they will make you insane, your best bet is to dump them, they are incapable of relationship, you cannot treat them like children for your sanity move on, it's not your job to fix them, they can nevef be fixed, they are children in an adult body, you will go insane,

[@Littleowl85352]

Well. Anyone can heal. It's not impossible for us, but it is certainly not the partner's job. In our defence, I am sure no dismissive avoidant actually asked their partner to be their therapist. We really do need to do this ourselves or in a professional setting.

[@harry-james-books]

FA's are worse. You won't know your arse from your elbow 99% of the time. At least a DA is obvious. FA's are like quicksand

[@clownscar]

AMEN!

[@viktoriastegmueller4829]

Love your videos, thx for help! ❤ No offend but why are you doing that Kourtney K. thing with yout voice at the end of almost every sentence? It's horrible to listen to. 😢This really hurts my ears

[@Rowehouse1819]

Way to much work , so many other people out there

[@ridhimakathuria1886]

real