Reconditioning (And DEEPLY HEALING) As A Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style | Reconditioning Patterns

[@mochiwaffles]

Basically we need to prove to our fears that they are wrong by remembering who we really are underneath all the false beliefs.

[@angelabutron5054]

Thais's reconditioning tools have truly been life changing - more helpful than a decade of being in and out of therapy!

[@Achelois7]

Have you used this tool?

[@crystalo3402]

The emphasis on the relationship between the conscious and subconscious mind is so spot on

[@lifecoachingtoronto]

Exactly! Why are affirmation (which have little to no emotion) so popular then Crystal? :)

[@dorinemeth16]

Anyone else crying while watching this video?! Yeah same I'm with you❤️ I guess we have hope cause we are here, and we are trying to heal ❤️ thank you so much for this video

[@missknight9]

This video is life changing. Hearing healing is possible, after reading the opposite in so many other sources, and giving us the tools to do it, gives me hope for the first time in a long time. Thank you

[@TofuTeo]

These are some of your best videos! Thank you, Thais! Keep these FA videos coming please :-)

[@lifecoachingtoronto]

I really like the idea of using an image from your past to feel the emotion which then helps recondition what is actually the truth. Good job :)

[@pykem.liemora]

thank you so much for the video! My "concern" is that with this tool the reconditioning seems to be "conditional" (to the past events). I would have thought it is better to believe "i am good enough" no matter what (not because I passed a test, etc). What if self-loathing beliefs are so strong they always fight back the "proofs". Like : you passed the test because external conditions, not because you're good enough etc I would be so glad if you can clarify this to me 🤗

[@alirh1145]

This technique seems helpful I don't know how I missed this video thank you so much Tais.

[@morgan54123]

How did u apply can u explain . I tried but i could not imagine it feels so odd

[@lynette-sowingseedsoflove2424]

Thanks for following up with part 2!

[@ashleya5700]

Ive just figured out that this is me to a T. Ive never been so grateful for youtube in my life. Thank you so much for this ❤

[@refreshingtwist]

Thank you, Thais for sharing this information with us. I keep wanting to change my negative beliefs - but have never understood how one does that. This is great information at a time when I really need it. I'm ready to do the work. I think think think all day at work (I am a cleaner, and my brain can be super annoying at work). I'm going to focus on reprogramming my brain while I work instead of beating myself up all day long. It's time to shift my thinking!!! Thank you!

[@laynonna]

Same here. I’m working on listening to more realistic self improvement content at work. 12 hour shifts with nothing to do on night shift will have you overthinking and internalizing other peoples traumas on top of your own.

[@asinsodojrn]

I drive DoorDash 40-60 hours per week, so I completely understand! I'm enrolled in her school, and it's worth every penny! I pull up the course work while I'm driving and listen to her videos, or the webinars! If y'all like the KZbin content, you should really enroll in the school. Honestly though, as much as I (as well as every other student) LOVE Thais, some of the deepest healing is in the post-webinar social rooms 3 days per week. We're in there for 12+ hours, all being peer support for one another. Everyone in the community is amazing, and after nearly 30 years in (worthless) therapy, I have found the source of SOOOOOO much healing through the PDS community. Even just listening to others, I get so much out of it. I'm joining PDS for life for the community alone... Thais and her phenomenal content is a great bonus 😁

[@refreshingtwist]

@@asinsodojrn amazing to hear!! I'll consider it more!

[@RussMalina]

@@asinsodojrn So amazing to read!! I'm also enrolled in the school. I haven't done any webinars yet. Now I finished the Handbook for a better life (a short course), and the Needs course (more deep). Doing even one deep course I see profound change, like I know my needs and when I go and meet them (you only have to focus on the 3-4 biggest needs) I actually find so much peace in my day. And I am suddenly self regulating, with my own actual self talk. Like I catch the negative thoughts just after the emotions kicks in. I go into myself to listen what the emotion is caused by, which negative thought and belief. I'm actually goint to put this comment in the general coments section of this video. Maybe it helps others!

[@notsoanonymous686]

I’m an AP healing from a past romantic relationship/ situationship experience with an FA. I appreciate this & the first video (your whole channel actually) - thank you for helping me find direction in myself. 🙏🏽

[@elianaelazar1527]

Hi! Last night I watched part one and I was looking forward to watching part two today :) I have so much friendship trauma that I think I block out real emotional connection on such a subconscious level. I tell myself that I’m ready to connect and I’d love to make new friends but my subconscious brain seems to not be ready yet :( it’s so hard but I’m trying to reframe my mind

[@sethgrieves4831]

Hey there. I was in the same situation. Funnily enough ten pin bowling helped me get used to socializing. You meet once a week and end up getting yo know a lot of people over time. But, you only ever talk to 3 new people a week and your same 2 partners. So, it's much less intimidating than I thought it would be. Plus, everyone's focused on the game and having fun, so the atmosphere is great and it's not as confrontational as just meeting someone for coffee etc. Might not be your thing. (It wasn't mine at first) But, I thought I'd throw it out there, in case it helps when you feel ready. Have a great day and good luck.

[@TofuTeo]

@@sethgrieves4831 This helps me, thank you! :-)

[@lifecoachingtoronto]

I hear you Eliana. Would you like to do a few rounds of the exercise Thais talked about? And then see how it goes?

[@mariemjlassi723]

Thank you so much for everything you do for the world. Your content is literally unmatched great insight and great delivery. Thank you 🙏🏼

[@roshalllambert]

Yes the IAT course goes into this and I am so grateful for joining that course, its going to help me a lot in my career in the future as a psychology student! Apart from that I like the fact that you switched between showing the slides and talking about the content without the slides too, I think this amount of visual content is perfect for me which is just enough and not excessive.

[@Jaguarsnake]

Thais, you are so tuned in (and/or not from Earth!!). You are connected in to your guides so deeply that you've done lifetimes of work during your time here. I feel truth when I hear you. Thank you for honoring and accepting your calling and for being sober enough to develop the clear channel to divinity that you have. So much gratitude to you.

[@tequilabumbum4373]

She is amazing really! She passes her knowledge with so much clarity. Thank you Thais for everything you do for us and for free!!!❤️

[@benjie0414]

Great decision including slides in your videos, super helpful! Thank you, Thais!

[@cadilac949]

Thank you thank you thank you. 🙏🏽sooo helpful, and easy to understand. Will definitely be doing this today and forever forward. I noticed that after all the healing that I could still use some work with self worth and etc. this is perfect.

[@cute.core.]

Thank you for what you do Thais and team💗. You are helping to heal so many people 🥰

[@evonne315]

Restoring my faith in humanity, one video at a time. I can tell you I have done similar work to this, and did well, but was put to the test returning to my hometown after getting sick and needing my families support. Its been a long time but the same horrible old feelings and old negative voices starting sneeking thier way way back in within weeks. Goes to show its a practice, and you can't return to the environment that got you in that bad place, even if you grew up and they got older too. Its still there. Anyways I moved back out! This just in time for me to do some retraining back to good mental health! Thank you! 💕🙏💕

[@crazymusicman13]

Hello PDS folks! Could someone relay to Thais that it would be a great idea for her to put together an intro video on attachment theory? I want to share her content with my friends but there isn't really a good "first video" that explains the two (anxious and dismissive) spectrums

[@sammiba90]

You have really helped me Thais, I understand myself so much more

[@cobalto65]

oh! this videos are beign really helpful. Yeah one of the things I tend to do is say im not good enough.

[@Heyokasireniei468sxso]

Have you ever spoke about reverse abandonment , counter dependency , and counter phobia of the parentified scapegoat child who has a fearful avoidant attachment style with a fawn fight style ? because if not perhaps you should because this is the root of alot of our issues , the reverse abandonment anxiety that if we leave something bad will happen to them , the counter dependency and hyper independency keeps us from levels of trust and intimacy because people need you to be vulnerable and not just in a emotional way but letting people in , allowing them to make mistake and carry some of the weight , and counter phobia where we seem like we keep running into the things we should run from its where we look hot and cold kinda coquettish and then siren like the closer we get the more scared we get not of being left but of fucking it up or being dependent on them and something happening to them and we have to live with that or something happens to us and leave them hurting , having to become a we and not an i , as its all we know the i serving the we it also builds resentment in us and we bottle up until we explode or burn out so we try to avoid that too because if we got jail or die whos going to protect the family cult from themselves

[@cassybeauti]

Wooohooo! Thank you so much for this🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽

[@dawndesio]

Thank you! I'm going to start applying this today. I think I may dealing with avoidant traits (not sure which type I may be categorized as). As an enneagram 9 married to an enneagram 8 for 15years, it's been a rough road. I find myself constantly offended by his communication and needs. I understand them logically, but they hurt to my core. I'm praying I can create different thought processes and emotional responses. 🙏🏽 We may have a completely different marriage in 22 days? I'm hopeful

[@jonathanvermillion7263]

Your makeup looks beautiful!

[@ayah316]

Thank you for this video ! This is soo helpful and encouraging that change can happen with consistent efforts to do the inner work

[@JacobCarlson-uq1my]

Wow,i think I am possibly an anxious attachment who fell into deep like of possibly a disorganized -controlling in the last situation. I felt like she had similarities to me and very good qualities, so it was extremely hard when she walked away from me. I really really liked her.

[@tashgoldbag]

What great content! Seriously refreshing

[@lifecoachingtoronto]

Are you gonna do the exercise too!? :)

[@TiaLei-e7c]

So we need achievements to feel worthy. What if you don’t have them and that’s the whole reason you feel unworthy? I been spending the last several weeks learning about how my value isn’t tied to what I’ve achieved, so which one is it???

[@rumdo5617]

This is very helpful - thank you - I’ll try it

[@lifecoachingtoronto]

Let us know how you felt during & after it! (if you want) :)

[@missknight9]

What do we do if we really don’t have proof/positive memories? Can we use fabricated imagery if it triggers a strong enough emotional reaction?

[@susanmctavish8347]

Thank you for this. Very helpful….. I truly appreciate.

[@lifecoachingtoronto]

Thais is spot on about just about everything she talks about eh? :)

[@susanmctavish8347]

@@lifecoachingtoronto… Yes, I have great respect and gratitude for her. There are probably millions of people who have struggled over the years, seeking therapists, reading self help books, being on auto pilot in unhealthy ways, etc. and never getting to some of these core issues for healing and self awareness.

[@lifecoachingtoronto]

@@susanmctavish8347 Very true :)

[@ashlyngardner6897]

I’d like to attack head-on the core belief that causes a recurring thought that I have whenever I am at the threshold of a relationship: I tend to think ‘if I have this conversation, or let this person in, or make any sort of move then it will be the Point of No Return’. And then I start blowing it up in my mind, questioning all of my decisions and beliefs about the situation and ultimately end up doing nothing or having an emotional breakdown from that feeling of being trapped by the other person. This comes from a core belief of not trusting myself and feeling incapable, but how do I reprogram this and stop having these ultra scary Point of No Return thoughts??

[@msg3tr1ght]

Think of a you confidently made a decision you were proud of

[@emilyb5557]

Is this the "I'm powerless" or I'm trapped belief/wound kicking in maybe? Worth figuring out which or if both. There are courses on PDS to help you figure it out the underlying belief. Then like the video says - look for evidence against that in all areas of life & feel the control and power choices you have daily.

[@aprilcusimano244]

Love this video!

[@FASHIONBEESS]

How does this work if your core wound is being betrayed?

[@edgelordcutting]

😊 thank you so much.

[@rebeccahamilton772]

So, what do you do if you can't find memories with proof of the opposite?

[@polysses8441]

You have to create those memories in the future. Could feel strange at first but it's just reprogrammed healthy behaviour instead of maladaptive that you have to get used. You will feel if this behaviour is right or wrong if you listen to yourself and feel if it's bringing you closer to yourself or create a distance and feels fake. Hope it helps.

[@MrsJavichuela]

How many beliefs can we recondition at a time, that is within the 21-day lapse you suggest?

[@itsaplantlife9850]

If a person isn't doing the work to recondition themselves, will a secure's love and patience ever be enough?

[@vik7628]

I cant seem to come up with examples to prove I am good enough. School is the only one. Can I just start with one? Maybe another will come to mind eventually

[@jordanmontague6644]

Is this 21 days of visualizing the “proof”. Or 21 days or going through all 3 steps every day?

[@ananyasarkar4786]

Thank you so much ❤️

[@rosieshades6134]

So awesome💚

[@magicallarounddontpanic]

@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool Do you have to do one core belief at a time for 21 days each or can you do multiple each day? Thank you so much for your helpful videos!

[@aminahhaddara7744]

Will you be doing this as a series for the other attachment styles?

[@refreshingtwist]

You could do this for any of the attachment styles. Maybe just google what some of the core beliefs are for your attachment style, and then follow the same steps in this video to reprogram.

[@babandeeprathore]

thank you

[@Viviennitta]

What would be a good proof for being safe?

[@CyberSerene]

Gold 👏

[@willn5393]

Can anyone point me to part 2 of this video, please? I can't seem to find it.

[@dareartes4232]

What can I use as a substitute if I don't possess even 1 memory to use as counter-proof for my worst core belief (let alone 5 or 10)?

[@tishataray]

What do you do when you dont have the imagery and memory for certain beliefs eg no memory of feeling included or that you matter😢

[@mattwhite8579]

Okay, so, the priblem isn't that I'm not good enough for myself because I am. I think I'm a fairly decent person. I'm not better or worse that the next guy. My problem is that I feel like I am not good enough for anyone else on the planet. With no evidence to the contrary in my memory. How does one reprogram that thought process?

[@sethgrieves4831]

I'm starting to think I'm beyond redemption. The kind of memories you talk about remind me of things people have said they couldn't imagine doing themselves or I should at least be proud of. But, if I'm not totally embarrassed by them, I don't think they're even notworthy. Makes it a bit tough to use them to heal. bleh Thanks for the info though. It always helps. Worst case scenario, you'll most likely have a client for the next sixty years. haha

[@TofuTeo]

I don't think you're beyond redemption. What you focus on grows, and when you're focused on healing (which you certainly are, seeing as you're watching these videos), you'll naturally move in that direction even when you don't realise it. It takes trial and error, but I think you're on a very hopeful path. Take heart!

[@Alejandra-iv9es]

I know sometimes it can feel like you're on a hamster wheel with mental health but the only people that are beyond redemption are those that are not willing to learn about themselves and how to heal (and even then, people can change their minds) and you're clearly trying ♥️

[@arpitadas1252]

You are great!I'm sure you're are going in the right direction.Don't lose hope❤️

[@arpitadas1252]

@@TofuTeo Thank you for this thought. This really helps ❤️

[@TofuTeo]

@@arpitadas1252 You're most welcome ❤

[@PrancyBiscuit]

i like your makeup and want to know what you use :)

[@bethderrett]

Can this work if you don’t have mental images? I have aphantasia so have no mental imagery at all.

[@Vykiku]

Is there similar video ab DAs?

[@anja7787]

Is there one for das?

[@jan1cem]

Wat sample proofs can i use for i am unsafe belief .i have this belief about love. I cant find any proof.

[@jasonmerchant2451]

What would you suggest to someone suffering from aphantasia about reprogramming your mind?

[@emilyb5557]

I'm aphantasic well 80-90% I have some sort of blurry sense of image. But can still recall memories in a way, I can remember details & feel the emotions related. Can you, most aphantasics have good memories in different form to image? If so you don't need the visual bit :-) I did also print out photos eg of friends with me in photo with them to help me.

[@ragnaice]

Really struggling with this reconditioning stuff, I can't summon up any emotion to back up the statements. What am I doing wrong?

[@queenshay]

It can be an A you got on a paper. An award you got at school. Employee of the month for a company, etc….

[@shugadaddy4841]

What if I can't think of 5 reasons?

[@ipaycloseattention]

What if I have zero proof of the opposite, in any part of my life?

[@paris3331]

What if I don't have proof that I'm good enough? 💔💔

[@morgan54123]

Same with me😢

[@joymae]

The problem is idk what the opposite of feeling abandoned is

[@refreshingtwist]

Feeling safe? Feeling confident in being alone? Feeling like you are enough?

[@joymae]

@@refreshingtwist thank you!

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Feeling connected is a common opposite of feeling abandoned (Including seeing where you are worthy of connection or already have people you are connected to :))

[@refreshingtwist]

@@melw3313 she is looking for the opposite of being abandoned... should be a positive. Smothered is a negative.

[@refreshingtwist]

@@melw3313 Understandable! Haha! But for this exercise we are trying to find the opposite feel good belief :) I assumed that is what she was asking about!

[@Viviennitta]

I did it for more than 21 days...It didn't work as much as I expected, not much of a difference. :(

[@DaPoofDaPoofDaPoofDa]

I move you thais, u make me feel so safe?

[@Nutmegp]

Can FAs prefer sex with someone they love in a serious relationship vs casual sex?

[@BODIEDwithBRI]

Yes I totally feel the same way. Sex with “your person” can’t be beat

[@lena-cv3tv]

Sorry if I say this...This make up makes you much older! Especially the eyebrows...really not great- You look really really pretty usually

[@pamelahubert2564]

I have no words for how grateful I am right now🙏🏼🥹