FA and DA Relationship Success: 3 Necessary Steps

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In this video I go over 3 necessary steps for a successful relationship between the fearful avoidant (FA) and dismissive avoidant (DA).
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Thank you for watching!

[@mandrakefilms1]

FA seems responsible for the lion's share of action and effort here, which is already a problem because they over give and over try and feel resentful of that, in a relationship with a DA. That's why it's not working in the first place. You're asking someone whose well is empty to keep giving and giving, in the vague hope that the DA might do something small, at some point in the future (or they might not). Surely, the DA can participate more at the beginning, rather than always taking a "prove it to me" defensive position? I don't know how, because generally they are extremely resistant - but it seems brutal that it is all incumbent on the FA who has already tried too much, for too long. Both sides are damaged, both need help and support. DA needs to feel some responsibility, at some point, or they will never have reason to question their own behaviour.

[@nachogoatcheese1761]

The DA actually likes it better when you *don't* try. Like, from the go. And a lot of the FA "pouring" is management of our own anxiety, trying to "keep" a relationship that wouldn't really be going anywhere probably otherwise. I love how she said the FA needs to communicate these things but the DA hears that stuff as "You're a bad partner and I need you to change who you are as a person".

[@briardan9226]

@@nachogoatcheese1761 I feel that pain!

[@chzamom]

I agree. When an FA does the work to become more secure and is seemingly unable to ask to have needs met, because it might trigger the DA, it is an empty well. I wish I could of had this information and known these things about myself and other attachment styles before I got married.

[@kayann100]

@@chzamom just described my divorce to a T

[@ddenny7334]

Sometimes the FA will give to receive instead of just articulating what we really want or need in a way that our DA can understand. It ends up making them feel bad for not know what we want/expect of them when we don’t truly know ourselves. Before you get angry at him for not putting the work in with you, make sure that you are putting the work into you too.

[@soniaharo6312]

I find it extremely beautiful how FA can help the DA become comfortable with vulnerability and emotional intimacy AND how the DA can help the FA become safer and less volatile by their example. If we choose to complement each other with our differences - instead of fighting-, they become strengths to our relationship. I've successfully experienced this in a one-year relationship. Major change: when I (FA) decided to stop being volatile, I now express my emotions from sadness instead of anger. The DA feels safe and happy when he consistently sees that I am expressing myself this way. We communicate better > he feels capable and empowered of handling a relationship > his actions reflect this by being almost 100% more loving, emotional, and committed. All thanks to this channel and my faith in this theory. Thank you so much!

[@danieldora2208]

This is so great!Well done!What is I am an FA, which I think I am. And I am learning so much and nothing works with him?!He gets angry if I gently express my feeling of being excluded?Also he keeps going back to his ex who is much older than he is. Is it possible that he has codependency toward her ex and I to him? What do I do if he is not capable of recognizing that he needs to know things about himself too?!?

[@MsGuitars666]

This is so beautiful, thanks for sharing. 🌻

[@ereagan4]

You’re lucky. Whenever I expressed my frustrations with sadness vs. anger, it would infuriate my ex DA even further. I’m compassionate to the fact my frustration triggered his feelings of inadequacy and being “not good enough.”I know I wasn’t perfect, but I was trying by giving him lots of space after a disagreement, but he wasn’t willing to meet me halfway. He would prefer to bury the problem vs. work together to solve it.

[@chowell1451]

I have the potential to do this with an FA. I turned her off a bit with my fear of intimacy but wanting her helped me realize I have more CPTSD to unpack and that I’m a DA, she would definitely help me get more organized and independent

[@qd8wl]

I'm FA, he was DA, I expressed my needs very specifically, but he simply said that people don't have to have needs in a relationship................... yeah.

[@morehn]

You could have followed up on that and discuss their importance to you and their roles. He dismissed you. It was nothing serious. Defense mechanism. You could have gotten passed it if he was open to it.

[@Lunit30]

@@morehn who are you to tell someone what’s serious to them or not or that they should get past something? The presumption and gall...

[@morehn]

@@Lunit30 it wasn't serious to the DA. It was his defense mechanism.

[@Tarolyn17]

Elies I actually see what you are saying and I’m for sure FA. If I had that response I would have immediately shut down and withdrew myself. But I see now that’s not a great response either. I think with the awareness I have now yes I would tried to explain more but if this person still doesn’t understand the seriousness and continues being dismissive I would take that as a red flag.

[@morehn]

@@Tarolyn17 as Thais has said, when a defense mechanism is addressed and they show they want to work on it, that's a good sign. If they show they're not, they're not ready In your case, you can benefit by someone who identifies your responses or lack of, and your DA showed his cards that he wasn't ready, assuming you were really sincere in your approach, and they only problem was his own self development.

[@cadilac949]

As a DA who’s with a FA. The fact that I’m on the other side (while everyone bashes on DA’s I’m glad I can be the start to change the turmoil dynamics in this relationship) I’ve decided to show up for myself. So glad I’m committed to my growth. If your not willing to try to understand your partner and think you are over giving them you don’t like or appreciate your partner enough to try. All relationships take work. As a DA. I process and understand myself best when I have my alone time. And with someone thinks they can change that about me or think they gave me enough time doesn’t work like that. I really do appreciate and need space, acceptance and patience. I know I’m difficult but atleast I started communicating my needs and what’s and my thoughts and starting not to be so closed off anymore. We all have to start from somewhere. Don’t look at the goal, pay attention to the first step and then the next step and eventually you’ll get there.

[@mikomiakari3949]

One great way I'm finding as FA to communicate is through writing. I can choose my words carefully without pressure and I am able to write things I might never be able to verbalize. This has allowed me to be way more open, honest, and vulnerable.

[@marjanpourhassan3314]

Me aswell totally agree ❤️

[@BecomingVonnie]

I’ve always shared my feelings through writing! However my DA partner tends to push me to read it aloud or use my voice to express myself. I still write but use my paper as notes while talking to him.

[@mikomiakari3949]

@@BecomingVonnie I'm still in the same relationship and I'm finding it easier and easier to express myself aloud even when its terrifying. It can't always wait to be written down. I think it's wonderful that you have such an encouraging partner. I wish you both the best.

[@BecomingVonnie]

@@mikomiakari3949 yay, I hope you guys have a long and healthy relationship. The best part to healing is acknowledging the issue. It definitely gets better the more you do it. Yes my partner is a pretty great person, I really do appreciate that he sees me and I’m learning to see him more and more

[@JessieTheGinger]

I do this too because it's hard to say what's on my mind in the moment. So I write what I need to say first and bring it to them to read and them we talk it over

[@tuuliviiri8688]

I started telling about my needs and sharing my feelings with my DA (undefined relationship) partner. The result was that he realized how he's not in touch with his own feelings and he became somehow even more distant. He said he needed more space to figure out his issues with himself and that it was stressful for him trying to meet my needs. We finally decided to stop seeing each other. I don't know if I'm FA or secure, probably somewhere in between. I've noticed that with DAs I feel like I have to "earn the love" but when someone is really interested in me without me working for it I feel like I didn't earn it and then I'm the one that becomes dismissive avoidant.

[@danieldora2208]

This is exactly how I have been in the past!!!Missed so many opportunities for love, and now I am learning why. I am with a dismissive avoidant, but it’s so hard we get close and then he excludes me and would not want to change! :(

[@ssh5556]

Kinda on the same boat. I feel like I’m really anxious with a DA. But with a secure or an anxious person, I become the DA!

[@TatiTalks]

Oof. Flashbacks. 😂💔 This couldn’t be more accurate. Great vid. Sending you love, Thais. Only thing I would add is that both partners must be able & willing to do the work and consistently show up. Communication needs comprehension to be impactful. You can communicate and be as specific as possible all you want but if the person isn’t in a space where they’re able or willing to “see” you, share, be vulnerable/transparent, self-reflect and really work to comprehend the information given, it’s not gonna go anywhere. People can only meet you where they’ve met themselves. ❤️ I don’t mean to specifically go after the DA but I think it’s important to note that commitment to change/expectations are often DA fear zones due to competing needs. FA’s must concentrate on building and sustaining that relationship to self by setting boundaries & by asking one of the most important questions, when it comes to this dynamic (FA x DA): Do I like the person that I am inside and outside of this relationship? In this relationship, I feel x (i.e., abandoned/unworthy), y (i.e., dismissed/unvalued), and z (i.e., unseen/unheard/disrespected). Is it possible that I’m also treating myself in ways that reinforce these wounds/negative thought patterns? And, if so, how? 100%, give the relationship your all, so you can leave with no regrets. But please don’t abandon or hurt yourself for extended & unlimited periods of time trying to fix or save a relationship by yourself.

[@EmpressMedussa]

TatiTalks exactly

[@TatiTalks]

One last thing I’d like to add for all my DA friends, you are more than capable of love and loving someone deeply. It’s not a question of, “am I defective?” But rather, “am I ready to face my pain & do the necessary healing work, so I can make myself available to loving me and loving someone else.” Everyone has damage. ❤️ You’re not alone. But it’s a heavy choice and person needs to be in a mature/sturdy headspace to make it. They need to have that depth (whatever their attachment style is). There are situations where this isn’t always accessible.

[@TatiTalks]

chilloften you did the best that you could with the information that you had at the time. That has to enough. With the right person, that will be enough. ❤️ people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. That doesn’t make it any less impactful/important. But you gotta forgive yourself for past mistakes/regrets/etc. because past you deserves so much love too. They’ve carried you this far. They are valuable and important. Let yourself feel your feelings and grieve for as long as you need. Healing isn’t linear. But remember: you are more than your sadness. Don’t abandon or dismiss current you in favor of holding on to past pain/person who couldn’t support you in the way that you needed. It takes two people to sustain/save and work on a relationship. Never should it ever be one person’s sole responsibility to fix it.

[@martinrehout9121]

Hi Tati, good to see you again! ❤️

[@TatiTalks]

Martin Rehout :D ❤️

[@ipaycloseattention]

I did exactly what she says in these FA/DA dynamics videos, many times. I clearly expressed my needs, and clearly told him how he can meet them. He told me I was just being negative, and why can't I just be happy like he is? He told me he's not that kind of person, and I just need to accept him the way he is. As a DA, he just wants the parallel relationship. So instead of doing the hard shove in my avoidant side, I'm now just passively avoidant. I don't discuss needs anymore, but I also have no expectations from him or the relationship anymore. So we are monogamous, but not close at all emotionally. I'm learning to just concentrate on my life, and be indifferent to the outcome of this relationship.🤷

[@The1TheOnlyK]

I find it hard to straight up say "I need more love through words of affirmation, etc" but I found that stating my needs through gratitude "thank you for supporting me, for checking up on me, for reciprocating when I say I love you" is much easier for me. I don't wanna sound demanding because of exs calling me needy or demanding with the former statements, so now I'm trying to show gratitude so that my needs keep being met in the future

[@jolenebraganza1813]

What needs did you specifically ask for from your ex’s? Also it’s not needy nor demanding to want your needs to get met so you feel more loved. That is valid to want that and you deserve to get that. Maybe sometimes we can ask for something that someone can’t give, but we can compromise in a way that still makes us happy and also meet our own needs & get our needs met from other people too so we still feel good. If someone still can’t meet those needs then they are incompatible with you

[@TheRockStar04261999]

I'm pretty sure I'm an FA and my crush/ friend is a DA. She's turned me down once before but we've always had a very intimate friendship and I've realized that might be my type. I think we are both starting to heal through each other without trying. Recently, she has started to open up to me and be more vulnerable (after I have been vulnerable throughout our friendship) and through her help I have become less volatile, taking the drawing away less personally and started to learn how to communicate my needs. Even if her and I don't work out romantically I am thankful for her in my life and Thank you Thais for these videos, they are helping me to reflect and identify some of my own personal blindspots

[@carlycarbonate]

The part at 9:00 where you speak so highly of FA/DA relationship dynamics is amazing. I feel like both styles get demonized unnecessarily so it's nice to hear for once that it's not a dead end to in a relationship like this.

[@resueah7257]

If I recall, as according to Thais' observations, secure-secure obviously have the most successful relationships, but DA/FA come next

[@ohnoeswhatsthat1335]

You made me laugh because I'm exactly as you described. On one hand I really stand up for myself when I feel like I've been wronged, but on the other hand I have learned to read the room and be hypervigilant to non-verbal communication. My hypervigilancy really helps me in my profession, but in my personal life it doesn't always have a positive effect because of my own insecurities. I'm learning to trust what other people say and on the other hand trust myself and my gut feeling. I'm working on it. It really helps when someone is blunt because it leaves no room for interpretation. Something that I really need to work on is that I need to take up more space and communicate my boundaries more (and be specific when doing so). It's not as scary anymore, but I can always improve.

[@shinebabyshine.]

The way I be LOLing during these videos. I've never seen my life reflected so clearly. I recently got the book "Nonviolent Communication" + "Boundary Boss" to help and man, its going to be a journey but its so necessary

[@evmage7530]

This video is so accurate, I almost can´t wrap my head around it!! These 3 things were the exact problem points my boyfriend (DA) and me (FA) had and still have and the exact areas in which we also improved over the last couple of years. It takes time! Change can be slow sometimes and improvements far and few inbetween, but I worked so hard on getting better at communicating and not being as volatile and my boyfriend is opening up slowly slowly. Its actually been quite a beautiful process.

[@sw1216]

Major camera and sound upgrade, great job!!! 😀

[@cloudslady3400]

one thing that really helped me as Fa is to take space and time when I’m hurt especially when I’m angry..so I can process my emotions without hurting my Da friend because most of the time I get overreacted so until I know what I’m saying I avoid talking with my da as possible or just tell her I need time alone..without saying why I need that..and when I’m calm I go back and express how I felt and just seeing her validating my emotions and telling me it’s okay if I’m hurt and actually listening to me it really helps 👍🏻

[@aristerakou8617]

As a FA it is hard for me to even express my needs to myself w/o being ashamed. I really don't know how I could do that to another person.

[@shinebabyshine.]

Have you considered writing letters? Even if you just share w/o reading aloud, I've noticed it takes the pressure off while still voicing your needs

[@plzutoplzuto8252]

the camera quality!!! love it

[@nurarifah3109]

Also the sound!!

[@ladyenfamouz]

I shed a few tears whilst watching this video. You know I’m the FA at this point looool and I’ve been finding the on/off relationship with a DA so difficult. I feel like I am volatile when I hit that breaking point, not realising what I’ve been feeling. He doesn’t necessarily do everything right, but I appreciate I haven’t been the most effective at communicating my needs properly. Honestly, I haven’t always know what they are but these videos are helping me give a voice and articulate feelings that I’ve long held, but never been able to succinctly express.

[@cloudslady3400]

The biggest problem in this dynamic..is that most of the time DAs are not willing to meet your needs no matter how you express them...it’s so rare to find a da who believes he can make the other partner less hurt...maybe their core beliefs tend to make them see themselves as not good enough or not worthy..so they can’t handle healthy changes!

[@ChrissEpresents]

Wow.. I've never heard someone describe my perspective (as a FA) so closely... This answers so much, thank you so much!!! 🙏🏽

[@veglissa5756]

This sounds like SUCH a good duo when given these tools! Love this - thanking you for making this helpful video. I'm excited to dive into my advanced FA course in the school now!

[@toninatoli]

This was so concise and focused. Loved it!!

[@MsPaint1]

Taking up space feels scary

[@margaretwilkinson8188]

Once again, the FA, who tends to overgive, is told how to overgive some more to help the DA, who gets to claim all the oxygen in the room. But that environment is how the FA got wounded to begin with.

[@nachogoatcheese1761]

... So, I can empathize with where this is coming from but the instructions and examples are just trying to model some possible ways *not overgiving* but remaining present could look. While a DA could "claim all the oxygen in the room", it is also possible for the FA to have been holding their breath to make more oxygen available for the person who didn't need it, didn't ask for it, and isn't actually taking more than they need.

[@krishnaanand7597]

@@nachogoatcheese1761 finally someone who doesn’t demonize DAs... I’m the FA in this scenario but I’m still mature enough to admit that “overgiving” is done out of selfish reasons and was unprompted

[@nachogoatcheese1761]

@@krishnaanand7597 eh. I don't wanna use the word selfish exactly. There aren't really any things humans do in interacting that don't involve *some* self-serving motives. Even when I do things because I feel like Im responsible for them or am just worried Im neglecting something and hurting the other person, at least a portion of my motive if to not feel bad. Another thing is for a lot of FA types I guess is many of us fail to meet some of our own needs even when we can or ask for things from others because of the stigma on "being selfish". But yeah, where we feel there is a disconnect, we'll find a way to make up a connection. We gotta learn to curb that but its also ok to expect the DA to put some effort into expressing shit. These courses aren't here to tell you that these are immutable and unchanging personal characteristics.

[@nachogoatcheese1761]

Thais points out I think a few places that the hyper vigilance thing is basically the part of the brain that's naturally supposed to recognize patterns being kicked into overdrive? There's a snip somewhere from the TV show Legion that talks about how even when there ia no pattern, our brains will make one up when we don't feel safe.

[@krishnaanand7597]

@@nachogoatcheese1761 yeah I definitely meant selfish in the way you described it, I just do feel that the mounting resentment I might feel is my own responsibility due to lack of clear communication. I agree with everything you’re saying though!

[@MizzYasmin21]

Been watching some of your videos nd this is the best one yet. Not only the content (helping me w understanding my relationship w my person) but also the delivery. It’s super clear and easy to follow. Thank you.

[@beanl]

I needed this video, I was feeling so helpless and alone and here is a video describing my dynamic with my DA to a T! I hope I get the opportunity to try again and try better

[@ishtaneel8305]

Me FA had once similarly appreciated DA bf that when he calls me certain sweet things I feel pampered. He purposely immediately stopped it. He is narc too. D moment he gets to know something soothes me, he wud deprive me of it.

[@roweme]

Ishta Neel I hear this. Found the same recently and wasn't sure if it was Narc tendencies or whether it was self sabotage, as in (subconscious process): "If I do this then I'll bring the other person happiness which means I'm a "good" person who is investing in a deeper, healthier connection together....but I'm NOT a "good" person and I don't deserve happiness or connection" = do the opposite/sabotage. Sadly, compassionately pointing out the self sabotage and saying I was still there and loved him did nothing to change the behaviour...

[@cadilac949]

@rowan pring this is exactly what happens! I’m not a narc and I actually care a lot. But my fears get the best of me to perform the best of myself in relationships. You nailed it! -I’m a da. Partner is a FA.

[@helloriripunch8652]

What should you do if an FA communicated his/her needs to a DA but DA still does not respond (understands but does not offer a solution)?

[@catskill7248]

as an fa, i wish i could know that the da is committed to actually reciprocating any effort i decide to give before i give it. i’m so afraid of giving way too much of myself, like begging someone else to love me just to be abandoned in the end

[@mer-ced-es]

Well I would have loved to communicate my feelings exactly to him, but the SLIGHTEST reassurance of my feelings drove him away. The DA is the one who has to start opening up and communicating...

[@Makor1966]

Sound is very clear. Great job!

[@razvanyke]

Thank you for another great video. I so wish I could see this after the fight with my ex FA, before breaking up. It is very frustrating to see the woman you care for, getting from calm and loving to full tsunami, apparently (IMO) from nothing.

[@user-js4mt1nr2y]

Yea.. he kept me on more than a arm lengt when I confessed my feelings for him. He didn't want to meet me. And after stalling and keep telling me he needed time to be at a better place I started to feel played. He also kept saying he wanted us to just be friends in the meantime (and not be consistant cause he kept flirting) but had also hoped he would feel better in a few months and than he wanted to date me. I blocked him. 8 months later he texts me with a different number to meet up, just like nothing had happend. He is dismissive of what he had said, he stayed vague when I wanted him to be clear about his intention. I needed him to show intent and prove me that he was trustworthy by being transparent but he was avoiding it althow he did confess he liked me still and he misses me. He said he needed time to see where things were going before he wanted to commit. I don't think it's fair to make it my responsability for him to learn how to appologise and show he really wants to try make it work this time. He inmediatly makes it about his space and his needs, where I wasn't even asking for a relationship just about his intentions. I just saw a lot of avoiding, dismissing and fearfull behaviour and people pleasing by giving indirect answers that can go either way. I asked him are you asking me on a date? To just get a no or yes. But he said, you can call it however you want. I am sorry but I feel it's manipulative and he will always trigger my core wounds, the one's I am working on to heal. So it's not healthy. I just wished he had learned to be more transparant over time and intentional in his needs. It's not my responsability to say he has to show me intent by persuing me and showing he wants me. Instead he acts like it's the opposite and I need to prove myself to him. It was time for him to step up and show me that he wanted me. I don't want anymore someone that doesn't show up. And I am allergic to the insecure, demanding, manipulative and jealous behaviour of certain (very) anxious people around me too. I am just done with unhealthy attachementstyles. I might just see it now more clearly. Only problem is that I attract unhealthy one's as I am always validating and making people feel seen and helped.. Where I should state earlier that the conversations are getting to heavy, I am not their therapist and I like to have more fun and positive conversations. I have been in love and maybe even limmerence with this guy.. while I was mostly trying to get over him. For me it was actually healing to have the end conversation even tho I thought I was almost over him and the whole internet says don't do it. As I've been avoiding vulnerability and even being volitile and just have been avoiding him most of the time. It was healing cause I could let go of the feeling he had given me he would come out fully available after months. He didn't. And I learned my value in the meantime. I don't want to make it work anymore with unhealthy attachementstyles even tho before I couldn't understand how people ended up with DA's. Now I just want to heal and find a healthy attached partner in the future.

[@marilynminer677]

Me FA my grown daughter DA .....this will take some reworking....to the good. THANK YOU

[@amandap7926]

This is a lovely overview of my life for the last 17 years 😊 Which course would you recommend to go deeper into learning about this relationship dynamic?

[@colorfullyme]

They way you wrote that with a smile made me laugh out loud-- good luck to you!

[@jahzah3934]

I’m a AP and FA and I tend to be hyper vigilant. And he’s DA. I finally expressed my stance in our dynamic and felt like he was closing off and I think I came off as too harsh:/.

[@CristianaCatólica]

Wonderful video! If possible could you please speak a little bit slower so the subtitles can translate correctly the words, please? Thank you so much for all you do! Blessings

[@singinglawnchair]

It'd be cool if someone could do subtitles for the videos - I have issues processing the info sometimes, and it would help people who are deaf and hard of hearing as well 👍

[@CristianaCatólica]

@@sw1216 yes, but the subtitles are still wrong even if you slow it up, that is why i asked. Thank you!

[@skwerl81]

@@singinglawnchair I believe if you hit the three little dots next to the share option underneath the video, there should be an option to download a transcript :)

[@cynthiang9611]

Life saving. Thank you.

[@poojaindia]

I loved this video and your explanation😊

[@fayrichardson7028]

What happens if you’re married to a dismissive avoidant and they are the one who is volatile (yells, throws things, over reacts, gets angry in response to innocuous situations etc). It triggers me so badly, I pull away and retreat and despite trying to explain why, (which to me is obvious) he blames me for his inability to control his anger and my need to pull away.

[@resueah7257]

Sounds like a narcissist

[@gilliansmith9834]

@@resueah7257yes I'm in this position too. Vulnerability is like cutting your own throat

[@typhoidtrish]

I really like your videos and I know you need to make money too, so I’m ok with ads, just do them at the beginning and stop interrupting the video

[@Makor1966]

Looking beautiful today.

[@vanessalovos]

I literally sobbed

[@carolinelaronda4523]

1:19

[@singinglawnchair]

Great info as always, and excellent sound/video quality!!

[@Sara-bn3wz]

🤍🤍🤍 needed to hear every single word in this video.

[@hahahappyjade]

Can you be equally dismissive and fearful-avoidant?

[@marinecarretier3221]

crista galli you will be fearful avoidant leaning dismissive. FA are both AA and DA but you can lean more towards the anxious or dismissive.

[@tulip5210]

What does emotional volatility mean or what exactly is being referred to when you say that ? At first I thought it meant reactivity, but the text book definition is just different emotions kind of like switching between different emotions. What exactly is it? Is it different then reactivity?

[@skwerl81]

Yes, I think it's more about the switching back and forth that the fearful avoidant does, the hot and cold. Lack of predictability, Etc

[@TatiTalks]

Really great question. Still struggle with this. Think Annette captured it perfectly, it’s that seemingly unpredictable switch between hot and cold. Getting close, then running away/pulling back. It sucks. xD not fun for anyone involved, including the FA.

[@roarfiercefemininerisingma9607]

The more secure I became the less I wanted to date an DA

[@themoonbleu627]

I’m sure the DA felt the same

[@chzamom]

I need some insight...I am FA leaning anxious, and the more I learn the more I think my partner is not DA but rather FA leaning strongly DA. I have learned to know my needs, communicate them, and give specifics in what that looks like. Not only has my partner flat out denied them but has started referring to me as needy, simply because I outgrew having whatever crumbs were left for me and now asking (not demanding) to meet some of my needs or at least try to. How do I get different results?

[@heidiberroa5735]

What happens if you try to talk to your partner but he communicated to you that whenever you say you want to talk he becomes stressed?

[@LeeChrissy]

Hopefully a DA pops on and can answer this better than I can, but as a FA who's been on and off with a DA for a while, this is just how they are. My ex DA admitted that he can't hear that I'm sad or mad or he'll shut down. It's so hard to communicate with him. You should think about taking the PDS course with Thais. There's ways to communicate, but you just have to word it a certain way with DA's so they feel you're on the same team and not being attacked.

[@MrKulaMoto]

New better microphone. Yaaay!!!

[@juliakatz6477]

Han Solo/Princess Leia dynamic ;)

[@hilostateofmind]

But if you give them a script how can I feel like it’s genuine & authentic? I feel like it’s not too much to ask that my partner has a decent degree of emotional intelligence

[@ScottH7651]

don't these 3 steps apply to everyone in any relationship?

[@lindsay3793]

Video starts at 1:18

[@lindsay3793]

5:36 FA needs to communicate needs in a strategy of what it looks like to get those needs met. Ex: I need to feel connected and it looks like x, y, and z. I need you to use words of affirmation..."

[@ageckomiller]

What if the DA is also a straight up narcissist? Absolute child with no remorse or sense of responsibility at 40yo.

[@rushmitaroy6719]

1st to comment

[@loverxoxoify]

wow me and my ex in a nutshell.