THIS Is Why You Are Getting Breadcrumbed & What to Do | Fearful Avoidant Attachment

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Have you ever experienced breadcrumbing from a current or past partner? What was your experience like? ❤

[@bjornjohansson1716]

Twice, destroyed me, it’s such a low thing to do to anyone, selfish and cowardly use someone to feel better

[@calicomusic05]

You inspired me to make my own copyright free music bro, you’re dedicated and talented, and that’s so inspiring. Thankyou. 🔥

[@LG-ly7di]

I have and confusing and makes you feel crazy

[@edgeoftheblademusic]

After spending almost 5 1/2 years with a DA/FA, it sure felt like it at times. Being a SA by nature, I found myself losing that security. I began to chase and I lost myself in the process. Thank you for your work. I’ve joined the PDS School and have regained my strength. It’s also taught me empathy for my ex. I look forward to finding true love and having a truly meaningful and connected relationship.

[@samuelbeauchamp742]

Currently losing my mind.

[@TheAlixir]

Breadcrumbs are like crack when you’ve been starving. Feed yourself ❤

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Breadcrumbs may be addictive, but let's strive for a full loaf of love! ❤

[@G5Ckxew]

@@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool Can I get a slice of that?

[@Thommie-qu4jg]

I love this!!

[@Canaday291]

I identified with the living in a fantasy relationship with an avoidant. Acting like I was fine with everything. Not revealing my true feelings and self respect by speaking up for myself out of fear of rejection and allowing breadcrumbs of intermittent attention and affection. He triggered all of my insecurities, vulnerabilities, depression, and so much anxiety that kept me in constant disregulation.

[@SK-no2pp]

Codependent people learn to put the needs of others ahead of their own and will sacrifice their needs and principles in order to maintain relationships. People who are codependent feel a strong pull toward validation and self-worth from others. One can unlearn these patterns. It starts with building your self-concept outside of and apart from others. To be able to have healthy, mutually loving relationships, we need to be able to put the parts of our brain seeking safety at ease by cultivating that security within ourselves, rather than externally. IF you put someone else’s /wants above your own, then it would self abandonment.

[@SK-no2pp]

That's why many people-pleasers end up in one-sided relationships. We make up excuses for other people's poor behavior and believe that if we give more and try harder, we can change someone else. Unfortunately, that's not true.

[@a.d.b535]

I was never anxious or fearful but now I am, 2 years into this relationship.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Thank you for sharing your experience. It takes courage to reflect and grow from it! Be proud of your awareness and be kind to yourself on your healing journey! ❤‍🩹

[@michellehanes8136]

​@@a.d.b535 that's interesting. So you went from secure attachment to insecure from the relationship?

[@taylorbee4010]

It’s even weirder when they have shown they can communicate

[@tammytaylor6239]

💯

[@desireedesenna9673]

For real, weird how they can also tell you that they're hanging out or hung out with someone else and think it's all good to tell you when they've been breadcrumb

[@stepbrown2000]

That’s the one I met. So glad I read him right because he’s very intelligent and handsome which plays in his favor. I decided not to respond after I noticed his pattern.

[@Gs-qm1vr]

Yes i agree

[@dumpmail-xz2qp]

more like scummy manipulating

[@Luis913Barroeta]

If you're co-dependant, you're allowing their hot and cold behavior to be ok thus reinforcing in their mind that its ok to breadcrumb. So by setting boundaries and communicating clearly what you need this behavior is put to a stop. And if it's not then you know it's the wrong relationship especially if they're not willing to work on themselves 💯

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Thank you for sharing your insights! Setting boundaries is crucial for a healthy relationship! ❤

[@NaturesEmotions]

Breadcrumbing: When the infrequent, long distance text suggesting meeting up just feels like click bait.

[@mepulley7913]

Yup!

[@SK-no2pp]

What we accept in a relationship is a measure of what we think we deserve deep down. So own what you want and desire - you start maximising opportunities for yourself when you say no to things that aren’t that. It is ok to declare that you want to be with someone who has an ongoing and deepening connection to you. If someone is just giving you crumbs ('breadcrumbing') they are not feeling good enough in themselves to be able to give what a relationship requires. Hurt people hurt people. Nothing on the outside will change how they feel on the inside - a person can’t be ready to give love if they aren’t fully sourcing it from within. Only once they feel truly worthy of love are they able to give it. It is not up to you to change them. So if they show or tell you they can’t do it, hear this from them - and that it doesn’t mean anything about you or your value. Someone else’s behaviour is not an indication of your worth.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Thank you for sharing such insightful thoughts on relationships and self-worth ❤

[@Calicokitty2]

This is really helpful!

[@Leo9ine]

Needed to hear this ❤

[@amyproudfoot6611]

Extremely well said 🌻

[@meetandinspire]

"If you show too much interest they will pull away."

[@frankdrebin5554]

Especially after a break up

[@seanfrance3182]

Sucks, cuz I’m tired of having to play games.. 🙄

[@gregorystinette8271]

My dog never does this

[@GeoffreyAngapa]

Well, I don't know about Maltese Poodles though!

[@hsamzsd]

thats why most single american women over 30 have dogs

[@LoNoOr37]

​@@hsamzsdAnd Cats I have both woof, meow 🐱🐶

[@markcafebrown2883]

When my wife’s suppressed memories of a past abusive relationship came back in year 12 of our 15 year marriage so far, I felt I was getting breadcrumbs as she wasn’t working on her self in therapy. Since she finally started therapy a long time ago I understand it wasn’t breadcrumbs it was she was scared of getting hurt as she has CPTSD. Everything from past felt like it was happening in present. Now she is sharing things she went through and our emotional connection is getting so much stronger than even before the memories can back. She has a ways to go but if somebody is bread-crumbing you and your married it may be deeper that issue she or he needs to work on. If you’re dating and getting bread crumbs, I say step up or I’m stepping away. Great job Thais.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Thank you for sharing your personal experience. It's heartwarming to see the positive impact therapy can have on relationships. Also give yourself credit for being kind, patient and understanding! ❤

[@markcafebrown2883]

Thank you Thais. Hasn’t always been easy as I wish things were same as before her memories but this will make her stronger n happier and us stronger.

[@Karynwashere]

Basically it boils down to they are not really interested in you.

[@alexrock4113]

They are not interested in themselves either. Some people just can’t love they are just empty. What they feel is limerence. They move from honey moon face to honeymoon face. As soon they have to commit emotionally they push you way. Nothing to give. They don’t love themselves never mind someone else.

[@SK-no2pp]

If a relationships has become toxic or detrimental to your wellbeing you may have to acknowledge the need to step away. This doesn't mean you have stopped loving your partner or that you blame them for the things that didn't work out - it means you are taking care of your own psychological and emotional needs. Ask yourself how are we growing? How does this relationship serve me? How does it make me happy? If you're struggling to find the answers, you may already know the answer as painful as it might be. You will need to decide if you are able to truly accept the distance. If it causes you more pain than you can bear, and leaves you in a mindset of bitterness and resentment, then you need to consider leaving. You shouldn't have to dismiss your needs and accept the absence of connection if it's having a damaging impact on you. Everyone has different levels of closeness they can tolerate - no one is to blame, it's just not the right fit.

[@teenagecaveman881]

The day before- “Long day I’m tired, I will call you tomorrow baby” The next day- nothing until 5pm then- “Long day I’m tired, will call you tomorrow baby” Ad infininitum

[@zeedo666]

That´s why I find it pathetic to even want to have a partner. Look what it does to us.

[@10pinksab]

OMG. Can resonate with this kind of behaviour so much. My FA ex have done this to me a bunch of times. At first I thought he was just really tired, but then he kept repeating this behavior and my body started recognizing that I'm being disrespected. And when I pointed that behaviour out, he just deactivates. It hurts so bad seeing yourself being treated poorly. I just can't allow myself to be treated this way anymore.

[@olenabi]

Cause you’re hot, then you’re cold You’re “yes”, then you’re “no” First time I hear this term, but not new to the phenomenon. Was breadcrumbed for years. I’d only add that there are invisible benefits to staying in this situation. 1) Feeding your adrenaline addiction (rollercoaster relationships are addictive, stability will make you yawn) 2) Finding yourself in the center of attention and care (your friends and family will comfort you every time it’s “cold again”) + there is always a topic to discuss. 3) Being in this kind of relationship helps you avoid spending time alone with yourself, developing your own interests and facing the person you truly are.

[@chrismaxwell1624]

Where I see intentional bread crumbing is when a person wants to keep a person on back burner when that person is already in relationship. There could all kind of reason why they see a need to have person interested on back burner.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Thank you for sharing your insights on intentional breadcrumbing, it's always great to hear different perspectives.

[@Antaeres]

Correct. I don't think this behaviour co relates to FA style, but actually narcissism. Being shallow and devoid of empathy is literally narcissistic.

[@alphascholar2001]

I think that DA's and some FA's certainly have lack of empathy. I'm a recovering FA that ended things with a DA. It highlighted many of my own behaviors and made me want to change. In my experience the DA was something like borderline Narcissistic in that they scored (4) as opposed to (5) - the threshold needed to meet the diagnostic NPD criteria under DSM-5. IMHO Narcissistic behavior is an ordinal scale. So in some cases yes a person could be 80% Narcissistic and that's your experience of being with them. They consistently meet 4 of the 5 behaviors related to narcissism but are not deemed to be a narcissistic person. The real truth is that they behave like a narcissist 80% of the time, and that's your subjective experience. A liar that lies 100% of the time vs a lier that lies 80% of the time. The real truth is that they consistently lie almost all the time. So are DA's and FA's narcissistic- they can be and that's one hell of an existence for their partner. Clinical cut off points just represent an arbitrary line. However the processes that shaped these issues are the same. Therefore the adaptations to them are progressive. Failure to meet clinical diagnostic criteria doesn't mean a person doesn't display these behaviors. A business partner who lies 80% of the time is still a dishonest and unreliable partner, even though they haven't been formally convicted of fraud. Therefore an element of validation is important to allow people are to move on from these toxic people. They truth is - they can cause a huge amount of pain and suffering to others and often show no remorse (lack of empathy) b/c they detach. Anyone who detaches is dangerous because they don't feel pain, therefore there's nothing stopping them doing whatever they want to others. This by itself is narcissistic (lack of empathy/remorse).

[@Jacquie11]

Thank you for this. When I tried bringing up the conversation for him to invest more, he dismissed me, avoided me for 4 days, and sent me a meme about nothing that made sense. I didn't respond and avoided him. This is not his first time doing this, so I'm done. Then out of the blue, he messages me asking if we are still friends. "friends". we were boyfriend/girlfriend... It's like we broke up without an official talk of breaking up. So I responded yes if he is ok with that and he responded yes he is. So I guess it's over, but if he thinks he can message me like he used to and I will respond the same way, he is out of his mind. I need to make sure I don't get reeled back in. This similar cycle has happened before and he would come back with an "I miss you" and of course, I did too and the hamster wheel just keeps going in circles. I've been busy with my own life, going back to school and advancing my career but he lingers in the back of my head. It's tough.

[@wongfrancis]

Time will heal your wounds. I'm glad you did what you did, it saved u a lot of wasted time. I hope you'll find d new focus and happiness in your life ❤

[@mgn1621]

I would have asked for clarification, if you were breaking up or what, instead of guessing what they meant. Covert communication seems so common with avoidants and its very immature, as well as confusing for the other person. Get clear with him your needs and set boundaries

[@sheliasmith2884]

I went through the same thing and it was a roller coaster ride it started messing with my health so like you I'm done good luck to him and to anyone who wants him we deserve better.

[@m.fatani7288]

RUN

[@rimimukherjee4]

Twice men have tried to breadcrumb me and have gotten blocked. Please men and women, don't lower your standards. If they breadcrumb you, they're not interested in you.

[@EwkaKonewka-r7o]

Agree. For me it only shows that we are only option for them not worth to be with Till none better will come they will be around a little time to time.

[@ericvey]

I have seen this so many times among other people. I have been breadcrumbed and I think that I have done it myself a few times. When two breadcrumbs get together, nothing good happens.

[@kaynoname1125]

I don't think breadcrumbing is solely an FA trait. I know DAs who do this too.

[@Coping_in_Copeland_Cope]

I'm pretty sure she's done DA and breadcrumbing videos too. It depends on the attachment style she's focusing on that day.

[@littledevil8146]

That's what my FA does

[@AstarteRap]

What is DA AND FA?

[@chocolate3407]

@@AstarteRap DA is Dismissive Avoidant, FA is fearful Avoidant. Thais has videos for all three types of insecure attachment styles, DA, FA, and AP (Anxious Preoccupied). For breadcrumbing it is usually the avoidant leaning type, so FA and DA, will do such a thing.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Absolutely, breadcrumbing can be seen across different attachment styles. It's important to recognize these behaviors and address them in any relationship! ❤

[@raisingarrows127_4]

You know who else bread crumb you? Narcissists bread crumb you Narcissists have the abuse cycle avoidant attachments whether fearful or dismissive have the death will literally no different than being with a narcissist and it doesn't matter about the wound.. They need to go heal somewhere and stop hurting people. Like honestly who gives a crap about these people.

[@SK-no2pp]

nonviolent communication is nice to practice. I feel like you and I are putting in different amounts of effort in. I'd like to clarify that x behaviour (not texting back, not wanting to meet, etc) isn't working for me and leaves me confused. Is there something I should know? Can you change it? And then, and this is the hardest part, accept their answer for what it is, even if it isn't what you hoped for. trying to find the right way to communicate with people so they'd give me what I wanted (frequent communication, attention, love), when that is not how it works - the only thing you can fully control are your own actions.

[@AstarteRap]

🙏🏻🫀

[@aspiringrootwoman24]

Well this is fascinating as an fa that feels i often fall for breadcrumbers. Now I'll listen as reflect on whether I'm projecting, blind to my own breadcrumbing tendency, or if it doesn't apply to me

[@hadiitiniguez2393]

I simply ignore them. Just say hi and keep it moving.

[@PrincipeRhoynar]

Wow you really improved the editing of the videos making it better what was already good. Thank you for the content❤

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

I'm glad you noticed the improvements! Thanks for watching! 🙏

[@PB-md3nt]

What a perfect topic to cover today. My on/off/on/off/on/mostly off ex avoidant sent me what I consider to be a breadcrumb email last night during Day 27 of NC. I went 4 months previously, she said I couldn't stay away from her. I'm really at the point that I don't give a rat's ass if I ever hear from or see her again.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Thank you for sharing your experience. It's always empowering to reach a point where you prioritize your own happiness over toxic dynamics. ❤‍🩹

[@kagame6524]

It’s so painful tho.. bitter medicine to prioritize secure connections

[@michellehanes8136]

I feel like that messed up my first relationship. We were together a year in a half, but then once he had me move in with his friends, I rearly heard from him for a month. Then after that he got really close again. It confused me, so when he left for training, I thought he wasn't as invested in the relationship as I was, so I started seeing someone else. Then he was really hurt. I think we both had FA. The whole thing was confusing.

[@silenthillrequiem]

Thank you for concrete doable steps!!

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

I'm glad you found the steps helpful!

[@444desertrose]

Love your new graphics! And of course the content : )

[@sally5256]

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I needed this! It’s been a year and a half!!! The steps to stop so Helpful and Clear 🙏❤️

[@FrankM]

4:14 The person communicates late at night -- such as 11 pm -- because the person knows they don't have to show up and make an effort to make plans. Interestingly, I see this happening a lot with online dating. Most of the women I match with will respond late at night when I'm already asleep. Of course, as soon as I ask to meet for a date, the women go silent. Even after 3 days there is no response to the date question.

[@deusexaethera]

The more I learn about breadcrumbing the more I realize I've been falling for it my whole fucking life. I spent 13 years, and had a child with, a woman who only significantly invested in our relationship when I demanded she do so or I would leave. The rest of the time she just gave me bits and pieces of what I actually needed from her, just enough to keep me around.

[@JSRF420]

I couldn't tell if I was being too needy. She was going through a divorce. Which made things so much more complex. But then I began to notice I'd be the one reaching out first more often than not. I noticed she'd not really text much. I know some people aren't big texters. But to not talk for almost half or more a day?? Or not be direct about things. I felt confused for half of our relationship.

[@kagame6524]

Not talking for half a day is ok tbh.. with jobs and all.

[@JSRF420]

@kagame6524 yeah. I get that. Depends really on the job you do. What the demands are. She worked the same line of work that I do (I got her the job). And she nannies on the side. Non of that truly entails not speaking to you for half or the whole day.

[@NDN_FTR]

I love this video format! The slides really help the lessons stick! I'd love to see more of it.

[@elizabethnchapi9963]

This very helpful. Thank you for sharing 🙏

[@Nathan-rv4xx]

This is the first time I've heard of breadcrumbing! And omg it explains everything 😥 I've been feeling like I'm a yo-yo for the past two year's, being push,pulled, dropped, and shouted at for pointing it out, then it's me at fault, and I feel guilty for upsetting her🫣 I'm burnt out🙂‍↕️

[@markcafebrown2883]

Thanks Thais❤

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Thank you for watching and for your support! 🙏

[@a.d.b535]

The 2 year bf/gf version of breadcrumbing is last minute plans and no dates.

[@AM-ut7dg]

Don’t forget the 7 year relationship with talk of marriage and family and no proposal or plans for the future!

[@a.d.b535]

@@AM-ut7dg So sad. Why oh why can't people just be honest and good to each other?

[@rashadm.sadigov4366]

Thais, this video exactly explained my situation. Thank you

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

I'm glad the video resonated with you! ❤

[@bjornjohansson1716]

If she always has a foot out the door and also set up your life in her favour, then take a hard look at that in time

[@shadowsbruther]

Yeah wtf haha she ain’t even worth 1% of the grief

[@ksyrahsara]

Love this idea of slowing asking for small incremental investments over time. Can you give some additional suggestions about what these might be?

[@TheVoiceofChief]

I learned a lot here as I'm trying to study "breadcrumbing" and how/why they do this. Thank you for enlightening me ❤❤❤ I appreciate you making this video

[@allalonehere5852]

So sad...I've wasted 4 months...put my personal goals on the back burner...glad I recognized it at last. Over it! .I've opened up myself, shared more then I normally would, told them I loved them....I have to admit, I loved the attention....the instant dopamine hit

[@Bradcb11]

I'm glad to say my girlfriend has none of these which is a relief. She is very sensitive to what she portrays as criticism but she could not be more invested with her time.

[@kakag.7401]

I appreciate your channel so much 🩵🫶🏽

[@LenkaSingh-gl2be]

Loved those new effects at the beginning😊 Would the process be the same when breadcrumbed by dissmisive avoidant? And what about FA and DA breadcrumbing each other? Wow I am just realising what a mud I've gotten into 🤦‍♀️

[@user-lolo14]

You’re not alone 😂😂

[@LenkaSingh-gl2be]

@user-lolo14 Glad to know that :) Makes me tiny bit better I guess 😅

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

I'm glad you enjoyed the new effects! Breadcrumbing can be tricky, but the strategies for dealing with a dismissive avoidant are similar. When fearfully avoidant and dismissive avoidant individuals breadcrumb each other, it can create a complex dynamic. Hang in there! ❤‍🩹

[@Troy12-fitnessmodel]

I finished with my ex about 2 weeks ago. She finished with me. She keeps breadcrumbing me every couple of days its screwing me up with my mental health as I'm trying to go NC. Its really hard trying to move on. She texts every couple of days. Initially I was polite. She txt yesterday saying "i dont want you to give you false hopes but i miss you in my life" so i ignored it because I cant reply anymore. Its too painful. Then she texts today saying "or ignore me". She finished with me? I just dont get it why cant she leave me alone. Please help thanks.

[@alllscination]

I would love the old video style back. It felt much more grounded and informational. This reminds me of so many pseudo psyche channels working with stock video, copy paste information and catchy headlines.

[@teaareuh]

I agree. I felt like the intro seemed like an advertisement and I tend to tune those out. I didn't mind once she started talking and video actually started since it was just text.

[@MeghanDonnellyIPY]

The intro was too dramatic. The sound affects made me more anxious. I prefer a less cinematic grass roots style. I liked it when I feel like Thais is just sitting in my living room. Old school. ❤

[@MeghanDonnellyIPY]

I do really like the graphics with the list however!!!!

[@JSRF420]

I tried to break up a few times, because I didn't feel like I was being treated right. One of the times, she just showed up at my bed side one morning. I tried to ask what is even going on with us, and she avoided talking about the subject.

[@hipnhappenin]

How do you not view their inability to commit as a reflection of your own worth?

[@user-js4mt1nr2y]

It's so hard to ask for my romantic needs as it would feel like it's ingenuine if someone gives it only because I ask. Like they would behave that way but don't feel that way or maybe I am just creating what I would fall in love for by saying what I want and then it appears they aren't like that themselves and they were just pleasing to get their intimacy needs met. Or they do all these things without having the feelings while it comes across as such. I just want to perceive how people are and mirror that back really. But that's very tricky with breadcrubs as a love starved person it feels good to stay in them untill it makes you mad. It's just a huge risk especially if you are insecure attached and seem to only attach to other insecure and unreliable people. I think these things like expressing your needs and asking for them to be met would be easier after a commitment is established. I do get a lot of reassurence from the label and won't feel deceived and on high alert, like I do in the phase where you aren't sure if it is going to be friendship, just sex or a relationship for instance. Ofcourse in a relationship I might start feeling like I loose myself, which I often do by thinking to much about them and having little time for myself althow I tent to express my need for alone time at that stage better and it's a more healthy thing to do as I can ground myself again and often I don't need that many days either.

[@HotRodHarley06]

I was breadcrumbed after the discard now blocked. I didn't know about any of this.

[@BostonMike68]

I have been involved with a girl and she does all of those things. If I pull away she tries just a little harder. She hooked me at first saying all the right things and went out of her way and I thought we had really good chemistry when we are together. She is going through a divorce and is using that but it didn't stop her at the beginning. I don't know if this ever ends but it's been mentally draining.

[@ejimshalom5480]

I’m FA and still in contact with my DA ex We don’t really talk consistently..just reply to each other’s status or story sometimes and some occasional video calls that he initiates We haven’t met after the break up too But then I anytime I fall back or go kinda Mia he reaches out first and sends a text that he’s just checking in …happened 4 times this year already Recently I deleted his number trying to let go completely but 5 days later he texted me saying he wanted to see if I was good and all He doesn’t really engage with me when I’m online but when I go offline he notices and comes Now I’m confused… are these mixed signals or I’m tripping?

[@whyherrodere3784]

He wants to keep you hooked. Stop the contact

[@Lunarmoonbun]

Awe man i was hoping this would explain how i can get out of the cycle of being breadcrumbed AS a FA LOL

[@Antaeres]

Same. We seem to be the victims of it most time

[@thevent8059]

She did explain it though lol. Follow the same steps she said no matter who it is.

[@soma_life]

I love your video’s new style 😍

[@forthebigwin]

The cheesy intro edits with overly dramatic low-budget music and unnecessary sound effects?..💀

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Thank you so much for your kind words! I'm glad you're enjoying the new style 😊

[@mrbvr3013]

Im blocked, no communication, just over after 3 years, out of the blue

[@brittanybilliot7323]

Im in a long distance relationship w a avoidant and im really thinking its pointless. Not sure if there is hope

[@AltoAngelo]

❤ always listen to your inner voice, you can't always work on a relationship with someone passive unwilling to resolve things. Invest in a relationship that returns the affection and understands you and wants to create a deeper connection. Never waste time on individuals that are just closed and not aware of how you feel and don't put the effort to make things right. Only if they help you help them...

[@noremac0123456789]

I’m experiencing it now from a guy I met online (hinge). He sends me memes but doesn’t really chat or answer questions I might ask to encourage conversation. I definitely don’t hear from him on Friday/Saturday nights (date nights) other than, he’ll send a couple memes as if he’s meeting his daily requirement. We’ve been on a few dates, made out a couple times and that was ok. I’ve asked him to get together a couple times but got the “rain check”, then there have been a couple times he’s wanted to get together at the last minute,typically Monday-Thursday. Anyways, I just stopped responding to him and now I’m getting “all ok?”, “ok, now I’m getting worried “…seriously, worried about what??! So stupid!

[@SK-no2pp]

Called me avoidant ex on Saturday after 1 year to see how he was doing, something reminded me of him. He didn’t answer, return my call or even follow up with a text. Looks like not much has changed lol

[@kaynoname1125]

They set a boundary; leave them be. Chasing will only make them more distant.

[@SK-no2pp]

@@kaynoname1125I know. I left him alone for an entire year. It’s sad we can’t even maintain some semblance of a friendship. He was a good person but really f*cked up with strong dismissive avoidant tendencies. It’s hard to keep those people your life

[@Coping_in_Copeland_Cope]

​​@@kaynoname1125 it's true. I've come to expect exes to reach out with either "I had a dream about you." or to say something around my bday or a holiday or "something made me think of you." I've kind of grown used to it. I'm always polite and at least acknowledge it because that's who I am, but people reserve the right to want to keep their past behind them and not respond. Unfortunately there's a chance the ex reaching out will be doing it to test the waters because feelings are still there and you take the chance of having any response you give as an opening for further communication. Not everyone wants to deal with that.

[@SK-no2pp]

@@Coping_in_Copeland_Cope thanks for this perspective. I still really do miss him and love him. Even though I acknowledged he can’t be in a relationship. Going to go lick my wounds now lol.

[@Coping_in_Copeland_Cope]

@@SK-no2pp ughh I know I'm sorry. I love my ex too. If I can be honest though, we are friends...prob best friends...and I think it's low-key torture for us both. We just can't seem to get past our wounds. Sometimes I think it would be better if we stopped communication but we're kind of each other's safety net. At least you have a clear answer and can properly heal and move on. Him and I are in an indefinite limbo and have been for many years. It's like a longer, more painful split.

[@bl4ckoutseven709]

Thank you :)

[@Allesea159]

Please make a video about what to do if someone is the breadcrumber for any of those reasons you mentioned, but the one theyre seeing is letting them breadcrumb

[@Nbkanvz]

Run

[@ramiel007]

asking for a need if the best advice I got, thanks. We usually see during weekdays for a bit, but never longer dates on a weekend. I will ask for that.

[@SD-vw8jd]

Hey @Thais! Would this apply to friendships as well? I have this exact same situation that you describe in this video happening with a "friend", and this dinamic just doesn't work for me. How can I adress this? Thank you so much 🙏 ❤

[@CreatrixGems]

Thais, what are your thoughts on…if a long-term partner only invests in ways comfortable to their love language and not yours?

[@SK-no2pp]

Is it meeting your needs? Do you feel loved and valued? Have you expressed more or what you would like to see happen? Has the needle moved in that direction

[@ranjayksingh]

What if you are in marriage and bread crumbing happens then what? 😮

[@kuramainc5171]

A month ago I asked for no contact after my ex broke things off. Two weeks in she sent me a text on whatsapp at night and then deleted it. I saw her last weekend at a birthday party and she called me and hung up and then texted me an hour later that it was good to see me. Should I reach out or is this breadcrumbing?

[@Wraith1Alpha]

My FA ?ex? Usually never posts updates on whatsapp but has been doing that a lot lately. Is this a sign of breadcrumbing?

[@Hannah-rl5lt]

Another uncomfortable upload..thank you truly❤🇦🇺🙏

[@suziesmith9076]

What if 😅They will invest then stop invest and stop.

[@ke1tor]

How do you stop a cycle when you're heavily invested into them? I have 5 kids with an FA, and she continuously goes hot and cold on me. First off she might be wanting to spend a national holiday with me, which goes into touching, exposing her neck and playing with her hair, even going so far as rubbing up to me. But then she goes into flight mode where she buys a month of Disney+ membership to which I assume is to subconsciously subdue her feelings by watching a series or something incessantly for a couple of months.

[@sisters299]

When you realise your actually being breadcrumbed in marriage…

[@danielmichelon6331]

I do not have to exercise to be with someone who should actually solve their trauma before bothering a partner.

[@PerrySkyePhoenix]

I'm anxious avoidant and I don't bread crumb... I don't think 🤔

[@fartrellcluggins930]

I should have watched all of these in 2021. Could have accelerated the processes sooner.

[@82powpow]

my bread crumber will ignore my texts then text me at 3am saying she fell asleep😂. i was born at night not last night. my favorite was today when she let my call go to voicemail 1 minute after she had just texted me. haven’t heard from her since then. 😂

[@PerrySkyePhoenix]

Try 4 years... 😂😅😢 I asked to see him. He would flake often. This situationship really hurt me.

[@matthewwozniak9138]

Getting that text message at 3am, Hey...👻

[@leinad1618]

i have some issue with my girlfriend/ex wich is avoidant type. probably she is more fearful avoidant. we have been dating for few months and she cares a little bit for me, shows some afecction and i think she loves me. surely she did not said it but i think so. she said that she is scared to fall in love with me and want to protect me from some suffering. she said that she will tell me "i love you" when i will not be expecting it. relationship progress is very slow but 13 days ago we started sexting a bit. after that she started withdrawing. few days afted that she ghosted me. 1 week after that i have seen on facebook that after that ghosting she was hiking with some other guy and they looked happy together, almost like she is in love with him. she totaly fliped. i dont know what does it mean... were here feelings all lie ? its over or what ? what should i do. i really like her but its so difficult.

[@Karynwashere]

Move on. She’s not avoidant she want really interested. I know it hurts believe me I do. She was weighing her options and went with who she liked better. And that’s even if she’s in a relationship with this person and they’re not just friends. But when you said she will tell you she loves you when she’s ready, I knew before reading the rest, she wasn’t interred in the relationship. Try to heal and begins your moving on process.

[@Vivian-Da-Artist]

What is bread crumbing? I probably am an avoidant but can't help it due to the trauma of abandonment by my father and extreme rejection by my sister as a kid. We are just trying to protect ourselves. I don't fit the whole profile since I've never been in a long term relationship. My sister chased people away from me behind my back.

[@kauigirl808]

Give me the whole entire loaf or keep your crumbs for someone else.

[@ultimatevtgb4489]

Take long time but don't show what you say in the title

[@Myrabug4444]

Hi Can a DA mirror your actions to get back at you even if the dumped u.Does a DA ever let down their walls and let themselves feel again

[@Dozjah]

If you have to do all this just find someone else.

[@wills3835]

Come now. "Breadcrumbing" lol She gives me the whole sandwich or I'm moving on Now, you find the courage to move on.

[@Litthrudarkness]

Where are you from?

[@johnvillamil3138]

Not sure if this is a Narc trait or not but it’s wrong to do to and if anyone who does it, has serious mental issues.

[@biba350]

Isn't this kind of ghosting?

[@SK-no2pp]

No. It’s intermittent reinforcement

[@LenkaSingh-gl2be]

Yeah, I think ghosting is a part of it. You ghost for a bit then give in a little then pull back ghost a bit and give in. It sounds so sick...bit it's done subconsciously, like you emotions do that for you when your past trauma rises. It's like self protection:(

[@amandawhite9777]

They may just be monkey branching…

[@jessp2317]

sorry, I watch a lot of videos but absolutely hating the intro background music. It's awful and makes me feel like I'm watching breaking news. Awful and sensationalistic

[@Antaeres]

I don't think I agree that this is really a FA thing. I had an FA attachment, now I'm pretty much equal parts secure and anxious. I haven't done this behaviour of bread crumbing. If I go on a few dates and I'm not interested I'll just say it. Honestly I feel like as a healing FA, I would say that I am actually breadcrumbed more than most people in dating. I don't think having an FA style co relates with low empathy. In my experience it is avoidants and DA types that typically breadcrumb, because they don't have self awareness or much empathy for others.

[@Antaeres]

@@johnny.futsal Nope. Re read the message. I only have some anxious qualities left, mostly secure and no avoidance. I don't bread crumb anybody, I am open and transparent with communication, needs, boundaries, values. There are many avoidants about in the world. Not everyone with a particular attachment style has every single attribute or behaviour as well. You don't seem very knowledgeable.

[@SmittyJones-o3y]

Never working again working in other ways though