Avoidant Attachment | Recover Long-Lost Self-Connection in 3 Steps

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

For all the avoidants, I know emotions can sometimes feel unsafe and overwhelming. But if you don't develop this communication with the body, you'll miss out on the abillity to get out of uncomfortable states, especially that low level fight or flight that can be on all the time. Emotions aren't here to frustrate, or make us feel bad. They are showing us that something that needs attention :)

[@Calicokitty2]

This is so helpful. It was you 'reading my mind' that so hooked me on your videos. I thank God for what you've taught me! But there's always so much more to learn! No matter how much I work on, there's always more!

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

❤

[@roshalllambert]

This is such an important topic! I love the way you explain importance of emotions, it has helped me judge my feelings less!

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

❤

[@ashleyb.8217]

When I feel sadness in connection to a belief that needs to be reprogrammed, I feel a tingling in my feet. In my conscious life when I feel threatened or fearful I flee most of the time.

[@tendokondo440]

Thank God, I was able to find a video pertaining to this exact problem. Thank you Thais Gibson and the Personal Development School❤

[@notvrycoolbutissokay6621]

Thais, how do you exactly know what i need . I have so much love for your work. Thankyou. Much appreciated.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

❤❤❤

[@johnmaus4408]

I had a DA partner for 34 Years . Great person. I seen so much good professionally and what she did for family. But!!!! The DA characteristics were there and I had no idea how both visible and not visible could be the same person. Like you I tried to interest her in working on things. Huge thick walls. Wont digress but she blamed her eventual auto immune diseases 4 of them on stress related to me. Used that and other to justify a divorce. I still love her dearly and have a powerful emotional connection. Given what I have observed its one way. I do grieve for her and our family but really I feel I need to get past this. 34 years were not enough to move the needle enough to avoid this tragic end. At times I have to verbally remind myself of this fact. Given I know how she was so wounded " super narcissistic mother " would win academy awards for one of the most profound narcissist. Very sad for her. Dont see her ever opening up. This isnt against any DA. They are good people or mine was until they pop. Cant reach them. Sad. I cannot say I regret her in my life. I must be greatful for the good times. No one promises tomorrow.

[@smileyface702]

That sounds painful and also sounds like you have a good head and heart go get you through this. Wishing you peace and happiness.

[@adventure_lover2722]

As a Fearful Avoidant - now leaning more secure - I've found that yoga has been an incredible healer to help me connect with my inner world - and learn how to cope with, and breathe through, difficult feelings/experiences. It's been tough, really tough at times, but it's possible and I'm so happy because I've realised I feel things really richly and now wouldn't have it any other way!

[@emilyb5557]

Thank you for the reminder of this 🧘‍♀️ do you do yoga when feeling bad to allow yourself to feel it?

[@adventure_lover2722]

@@emilyb5557 Hi Emily! Yes, I do. I commit myself to stepping into the mat every day, no matter what. Normally the days I don't want to do it are the days I need it most! And yes, it's about sitting with the feelings that come up, constantly practicing breathing them out and learning to them let go (or see them fully if they need to hang around for a little longer) 🙏☺️

[@anxen]

Thank you for sharing this information. I don't understand why positive emotions feel unpleasant though. Like when I like someone it feels like I'm drowning and I start to panic, it's so scary.

[@misschanandelerbong7946]

Yaaaaas. I went on a date recently and I have no idea if I even liked the guy because the moment he started showing interest, I felt completely panicked and had to get out. Not like, anxiety like butterflies, but like, this immediate need to push him away. It's terrible.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

well if emotions are suppressed, when an ovberwhelming emotions floods out all at once, it can feel overwhelming. Kind of like if you just cranked your favorite song up to high volume all at once. It can feel scary and unfamiliar and a little out of control. So once we start feeling our feelings more, we can start to develop a comfort zone around different ranges of emotion.

[@LaurensLifePhotoJournal]

Listening to this as I work. So insightful. I am so thankful for you and also the IAT course I’m taking with you. ❤

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Wonderful!! ❤

[@Locut0s]

Thank you as always for the amazing content you put out! I’ve done a fair bit of work, actually a lot!, over the last many years on myself! I feel like I’m a totally different person than I once was some 10 years ago. I’ve moved some distance too toward security from being FA. But I must admit my attachment style is still where the vast majority of the rest of the work lies. One issue I feel I have is that there are just vast areas of my childhood, the majority of it to be honest, that are just blank to me I have no memory of them. I don’t remember terrible abuse or anything of that sort. But I was definitely bullied badly in school and enmeshed in a boundary less, controlling though still loving family. And I’m as terribly lonely. I suspect I shut down a lot and just didn’t form memories. But this I find can make it difficult to connect to the hurt child always sitting within me.

[@JacobCarlson-uq1my]

Wo, so enjoyable, so powerful! I also appreciate you.

[@bradtriesstuff]

Very useful stuff! Thank you!!

[@stevensantora2976]

Thank you so much.

[@PrancyBiscuit]

This was so good, thank you

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

you're wecome! Glad you liked it

[@JacobCarlson-uq1my]

I agree , like I know your not a mind reader but it's pretty amazing how lined up with my experiences & thoughts you are. I did drink & smoke in my youth,but it's been a long time now & I'm enjoying having a clear mind now & hopefully having a second chance in this life. I wish I had went down this rd in my youth but I can't rewind time,just move forward now. I definitely believe getting buzzed didn't help me grow emotionally or otherwise. I'm in no way prejudice or judgemental to others,I'm just saying it had a negative effect on me. bt E a? I aree,I also love your work. Awareness about emotions sounds compassionate. I do want to know who I am and what the desires & missions are.

[@dentrout9383]

I ran sway at 15 never went back. And I feel as though Ive been running ever since. Im 32 now

[@JacobCarlson-uq1my]

I'm hoping to become a regular reader. I was qurious if you might have a suggestion on a good book I can start with. I would like to start working out that muscle in this head. This brain.

[@ashaisadass6351]

Thank you

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

You're welcome!

[@_Slay_laziness_]

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[@dentrout9383]

❤❤❤

[@sifublack192]

As a DA I've never seen emotions as a bad thing, just that they need to be controlled. I deal with mine internally and come up with solutions when things go wrong. This gets me labeled as "unemotional" in relationships and leads to a bunch of complaints from female friends, girlfriends, and even hookups. I think people are REALLY confused.

[@sifublack192]

@@sunbeam9222 In glad I'm not the only one. Reading these comments and listening to some of the women I've dealt with makes it seem like they want you to lose CONTROL acting like an irrational, emotionally challenged, teenaged CHILD. We're ADULTS (for the most part) and while having emotions is a good thing, CONTROLLING them is of prime importance. I wouldn't be an international Kung Fu champion, successful business owner, a regional Jujitsu champion, and now a Judoka if I let my emotions get the best of me.

[@emilyb5557]

Maybe it's about sharing some vulnerability...not necessarily about expressing uncontrolled emotions. Question what is your definition of uncontrolled? Would crying = uncontrolled sadness or is that ok if it's not a total howling sob fest? Maybe you can just share a little using emotions language about how something makes you feel, rather than the final product of the processed emotion. Like show them the ingredients of eggs and sugar you beat together, not just the final cake after you complete and bake it?

[@sifublack192]

@@emilyb5557 "sharing vulnerability" doesn't appear to have a clear definition. My definition of "uncontrolled emotions" would be irrational, erratic behaviors. For example, this may be throwing things and saying something REALLY mean (with the intention to hurt the other person) when you get into an argument. Crying in and of itself would not be uncontrolled sadness, but some people (i.e. me) are not inclined to cry when they're sad. Sharing how I FEEL about something has never solved a single problem, let alone an argument. When women say they want men to do these things, they're typically coming from their own emotional state, wanting the men in their lives to relate to feelings the same way that they do. Unfortunately (or fortunately, which is how I look at it), men don't relate to feelings the same way women do. They're just not built that way. Men trust FACTS, not feelings. So trying to get a man to become what I call a "male girlfriend" is a bad idea. Women should start focusing on asking the men in their lives what they THINK rather than how they FEEL. Interestingly, that seems to work. 🤷🏿‍♂️

[@techi747]

I think you went too fast on this one

[@emilyb5557]

You can adjust play back speed in the settings. Sometimes stuff that hits hard can feel too much to take in and needs a re listen too I find.

[@dianafranco810]

Thank you 😍😍😍

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

you're welcome :)