How To Stop OverThinking Everything They Do | Anxious Attachment Style

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Do you experience overanalyzing in relationships? Share in the comments below!

[@amandasdivineyoga13]

This isn’t along the lines of over analyzation. Thais had asked for content ideas. I would love to learn more about healthy interdependence and what that looks likes if at all possible. Thank you Thais and PDS team for all you do. 🙏💖

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

thank you for the suggestion ❤ @@amandasdivineyoga13

[@hipnhappenin]

I've been watching your videos to understand an ex who I highly suspect is fearful-avoidant. And, let me be clear, I was watching these videos AFTER we broke up, because I was trying to get him back. I am so happy that I found your videos on AP, which I am (if you couldn't tell..). I feel so understood and validated, and I am excited for the long journey to becoming more secure.

[@emey444]

STOP WASTING YOUR LIFETIME AND HEAL!!! I can't express enough how grateful I am for this school because it has helped me heal so much ever since i purchase her courses!! Show yourself some love and heal people! Heal!!

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

❤❤❤

[@roshalllambert]

I loved the point about building the relationship to yourself and how it can minimize the rejection core wound!

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

❤

[@nyyynnn]

Wow this was so spot on! I'm trying to stop overthinking and ruminating 🙏

[@techi747]

my needs are watching thais' videos.

[@dukethecolors]

Lmao same

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

❤@@dukethecolors

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

❤

[@Jdid3036]

Thais - I would love a video that explains the difference between a need that you can ask for and needs that are really just enforcing fears or insecurities. Like asking to not be triggered in someway and how to know the difference.

[@JacobCarlson-uq1my]

Inner fear creates fear in the outer world. Inner love creates love in the outer world. Self identity. Wo🧠🧘🏽‍♂️💭 🔥 ❤

[@lisabee220]

Sometimes the internet can be a bad place but then you come across videos like these that gives people (like me) who are nervous to start seeking professionals for help or are unable to for whatever reason a foundation to start from on growing into a better person for themselves. It’s gives the language to describe feelings with a reason why. It’s a good starting point for self care with the option to dig deeper through the courses you offer! Thank you for sharing your knowledge!

[@mistypfitzer111]

Can you please do a video on socially avoidant behaviors as a subconscious coping mechanism & how 2 overcome the anxiety that arrises whenever a message, txt, or email is received, which I found myself avoiding, but idk why?

[@wf4983]

Oh, I'm nervous, too, when I receive a message - but mostly in romantic context. And it also depends if this is from so. I admire. I'm afraid to open the message - and my stomach hurts. I think, for me it comes from being afraid of getting rejected or that trust will be broken.

[@linnerskinner9355]

This, plz Thais!!

[@mistypfitzer111]

@@wf4983 yeah that's how I feel when I see a notification that I got a message or txt or am tagged in a comment ect , it's like a feeling of dread? Like I'm afraid it's the other shoe about to drop & I'm going to be ridiculed 😬 even if ik it's not, because there's nothing I've done or said that would warrant a response like such.. I've found that unless I force myself to open & read the message IMMEDIATELY after I get it, I will avoid looking at it & then itll be days later that ill finally respond ☹️😑😣

[@shanez1215]

That actually sounds a bit like ADHD? I'm diagnosed with it and I do this too.

[@Karolina-vi2wt]

@@wf4983I never thought about it this way, thank you for sharing ♥️

[@arankapasanka]

Thank you so much, Thais. It felt so good to be understood in something that I really wish I could stop doing... I´ve been working on my relationship with myself deeply for 7 years and, although I´ve improved very much in many areas of my life, I continue to end up attracted to emotionally unavailable men and ruminating about their words and actions...could you maybe share with us some tips on how to overcome Repetition Compulsion? Thank you so much for all your great work🙏Lots of love💞

[@housekeepah]

Good question. Maybe we need to have a little more patience when choosing partners and really question why we chose a certain type, are they similar to previous partners? Is that something we want? Can we try someone different next time around? Like George Costanza says: if every instinct I have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right! 😂.

[@flagirl0315]

@@housekeepahI agree. So hard to break.

[@sarahelissa3261]

Thais, you have changed my life! I purchased the Lifetime Access and It was one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself. I am married to a DA and this was so helpful xox

[@coffytaylor383]

@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool Hi, I'm FA I've done alot of the work to identify how I want to show up in each area of my. Can you make a video about meeting your needs and your identity breaking the old paradigm? The grief that follows and the self compassion and forgiveness for believing in limited thoughts that came from parents and guardians who didn't believe in me.

[@benf1111]

Can you make a video about finding a therapist? The process of finding the right one seems to take a long time and feels very trial and error to me. You can spend a lot of time with one only to realize they aren't providing the help you need. Programs are great but sometimes interaction with a real person is needed. Thanks for all of your videos.

[@trampersad1]

This video saved me tonight been struggling with this !!

[@ekaterinapetrova8975]

This girl is GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD

[@JacobCarlson-uq1my]

I'm not sure how to put this stuff into play, but watching this video, I feel drawn into watching & listening to you deeply. This video, to me, your words are very powerful to me for some reason. Thank you Thais 11/1/23 7:54 pm

[@PreethiShakti]

wow really transformative insight , thank you for sharing your wisdom 🙏🏽

[@sharieddinger9715]

This is so helpful! Thank you.

[@Edith864]

I needed to hear this :) perfect moment. Thank you Thais! 🎉 I tend to overanalyze with bosses and coworkers, especially when toxic. I then start ruminating and struggle with insomnia so that I exactly only be able to fall a sleep at all if I take some meds. :(( I don't like that and would love to find relief from that.

[@dentrout9383]

I love your top! Highlights your bueaty. 😊

[@ynzmadeleine]

This channel and the courses are gold

[@PrancyBiscuit]

I learned a lot from this, thank you so much.💗

[@1974Lozza]

When you’re in a relationship with a DA, there’s not a lot else for you to do to fill the silence…

[@jacopofbargellini4005]

what about someone who was perfectly normal, knowing exactly who he was, built a career knowing how and what, got married with a lovely secure person, raised a child till teen, and then having a ( peaceful) separation. This is a normal life. Then , second part, 5 years in love with a borderline girl who was able to make his( small) anxious part to grow beyond the limits, and finally be killed by the last relationship with a beautiful young lady totally avoidant who completely detroyed his self esteem. Well that's me. I get perfectly what you say but although i have a succesfull career where my self esteem is 100, in romantic relationship i totally depends from outside validation. Is like i am two different persons in one.

[@mesCheerios]

Career is only one of the several areas of life, there could certainly be room for growth in any of the others? In this school romamce is not even considered as an entire area: we have career, financial, emotional, mental, physical, spiritual and relationships (including family, friends and relationship to self)

[@mindurownbizness3821]

If you identify your self worth only by career, then you are overlooking, or potentially ignoring subconsciously other aspects of your persona. I say this because I too was guilty of that.

[@whycomes9562]

I relate. Though was married with kids to a borderline. In my case i became more secure due to the dysfunctional and abusive marriage and the self help i got due to it. Now in a relationship with an avoidant gf. Love yourself. You deserve to be loved. You being here shows you are working on yourself. Know, that you cant change or control others, only yourself. Also, realize, you are ending up with borderlines and avoidants for a reason, like me. Lol. So yeah, we still need work bud.

[@SilentPhilly]

Maybe, he shouldn't search only for beauty and youth

[@sean640]

So theres this one anxious behavior in others that identifies their anxious/ insecure attachmnet- one of the ways this disintegration manifests is through projection. Inquiring if others crave validation shows their own reliance on validating affirmation 😮

[@sean640]

Wait but I see myself having DA attributes so maybe I'm like sensitive to people projecting their insecurities or have that sort of expectation😂

[@user-js4mt1nr2y]

​@@sean640his is how I perceive anxious attaches in relationships.. I don't understand why they are seen as the givers. I feel it's just transactional and in a way it's taking. If they want a kiss for instance they kiss me and then they get upset if I don't kiss them and get passive aggressive or just angry. What did I exactly get if my need was to not have a kiss? Exactly.. They give what they want to have. Which is basically backwards asking. Giving is when for instance you ask for space and they give you space. Althow it defenatly is better to approach for connection than to disengage ofcourse for a relationship. So in my experience Ap's are often takers. But maybe I haven't met the ones that actually prioritise my happiness or just they just didn't seem to understand my needs. And that part is on me. It's what I had to work on.. Sometimes I just figuere it out when I am lacking in getting my needs met.. And that's basically too late. So that's my experience from a Fearfull avoidant pov.

[@anewlifestirring]

Brilliant

[@stevensantora2976]

Thank you so much.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

❤

[@emilyjohn2603]

You mentioned getting to know yourself in the 7 areas of life. What are those 7 areas?

[@Ravyn83]

So as a child we need to co regulate to learn to self regulation. If we didn’t get healthy co regulation as a child, wouldn’t it make sense we focus on healthy co regulation as we also learn self regulation?

[@imsunnybaby]

i have this need that i feel like im not okay or allowed to exist, like im bad and i shouldnt be around other people because they hate me i upset them etc ad naseum

[@bunnytongue]

How do you know the difference between meeting your own needs and having others meet your needs? I am an FA w/BPD and I have a very difficult time telling whether or not I have been rejected or abandoned by the people in my life, or if I'm just lacking in meeting my own needs. How will I know whether or not the feeling of rejection I experience is because of my lack of inner self-acceptance or if I am just genuinely not around the right people for me?

[@Melissa-qu4wl]

and I struggle with the same issue

[@juliaskagfjord6207]

Ah such a good question.

[@juliaskagfjord6207]

I think we should continue reinstalling new patterns to connect to ourselves self love and compassion and working with our own triggers. I think my own method going forward will be especially in early romance to not rock the boat, if I express myself and someone ghosts me I take it so hard and blame myself for others rejection of me. So if we are being true to ourselves and dealing with our triggers internally as they arise rather than reacting externally and later regretting it, then if we are still rejected by someone else then they are not good to be around. I think people who've had hard lives need validating, reassuring and accepting people around them. If we are in a place of loving ourselves meanwhile another person rejects us then we can absolutely not let that set us off course. We need to pull our energy in and give to the self...not focus on where we went wrong as that is the rabbit hole!!!

[@bunnytongue]

@@juliaskagfjord6207 I do think you’re likely correct that those who’ve had hard lives need to be around more validating, warm, compassionate types of people. I’m currently in a friend group of people who started out feeling so warm, but things have cooled off a lot… and naturally I blame myself. I’m really hoping that if I do the inner work that I can eventually feel safe and comfortable around them, but I fear that even then it won’t be enough because they’re so aloof.

[@ReelX4U]

I deal with the same thing. Hopefully things will better with time for the both of us.

[@imsunnybaby]

im actually a person i really like and i really want to be but im constantly slimed by this horrible shame that is like acid burning all over me eating on me

[@chorpulice420]

going through the same, and imo i think its because you lack self forgiveness. the shame prolly might be from some mistake or some incident that you aren't proud of. so, forgive yourself and let go of the shame. :) we all make mistakes. we all mess up so just forgive yourself.

[@imsunnybaby]

@@chorpulice420 how in the world do we forgive ourselves for unforgiveable things?

[@chorpulice420]

@@imsunnybaby understand why u did it. dont be judgemental. :)

[@adrianstjohn4820]

Never been anxious but being with the woman I am seeing I get anxious. She is hot and cold and in and out, intimacy is not really there but she says she loves me and wants to spend a lot of time together but things like 3 weeks ago she called me sexy and today she said she is not attracted. She seems DA but she also had alot of stress and her pet just died. Anyway she is going away for a week with her daughter. Maybe she will miss me 😅. Does a DA miss you when away if they do love you? Hoping she comes back realising she wants to be together. If not then at least I know to leave. X

[@kristen4050]

What if you know who you are and you are ok with being alone, but you have a deep feeling that no one truly likes you?

[@mindurownbizness3821]

Then you either have deep buried guilt about something, or there is something about you that you don’t truly like. This does not mean that you don’t know who you are or that you are afraid of being alone.

[@brn2452]

✋

[@sylvievachon1020]

No more DA's for me.