Is This Unfair To My Other Kids?

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[@lvsqcsl]

I only know of 2 people that treated their kids the same. When I turned 16 my dad basically told me if I wanted anything I would need to work for it; from the time I was a Sophomore in High School until I graduated I worked EVERY Friday and Saturday night. So, I bought and paid for my car and my education. When I turned 22 after college he came in and told me to move out. I hadn't even gotten a job. So, for the next 2 years after that I had to bust some serious butt. (My mother knew some people.) Then, I got the job I have now working for the government. It was amazing how my dad was able to pay for EVERYTHING for my sister when he was laid off from his job. She didn't need to turn her hand to do anything. When she finally moved out, I thought we were going to need to send dad to a psychiatrist he cried so hard. When he died 7 years ago, I thought we were going to need to send my sister to a psychiatrist. When I married my wife, I told her we will treat our kids with the same opportunities. No, it isn't hard, it is what is fair.

[@truthseeker6370]

🤔 You left a lot out of this scenario... such as behavior, law, how you contributed to the family? I'm so sorry if you were an unjustly scorned child which unfortunately Does happen. 😪 I'm a mom of 6. Four daughters and two sons. Tho I tried to be "Fair", I can't say every child was treated equally. 2 had ADD. 3 had difficulty reading requiring tutoring and special summer classes I took them to. All were very smart- but needed additional assistance. I Absolutely loved them All for the individuals they were! Each one of six were very unique in personality, learning style, etc. One was exceptionally needy from birth. It was my "mama job" to care for him and prepare him for future life. He just got his Master's degree- college charges reimbursed by his employer. Kids are ALL Different. What works for one doesn't work for the other.

[@patriciaalbertson5183]

That happened to me to... Except we were all girls. My sister fell apart because she was dependent on them

[@patriciaalbertson5183]

​, I don't believe that's what they are saying. Need is different than "causing dependency"...

[@roshunepp]

Why not give the older ones cash and pay for the younger ones college?

[@KS-cl8br]

Obviously she is unethical.

[@truckingmoney485]

Let them waste their own money on their underwater basket weaving degree

[@linuxsurfer2002]

I like this idea too, of course giving cash has gift tax implications that paying for tuition doesn't.

[@wbae1340]

Because they want more money for themselves…

[@michaelcarter266]

I would have dropped out if I had to work full time and be a full time student. I did my part time job till I couldn't. Being a student in college is a full time job itself.

[@natertater4974]

I almost have dropped out so many times. I am with you being a student is a full time job. The key to the part time job is having a leader in the work place that values your education and wants you to succeed. When you say what you need and they give it to you because they care. That is how I have been able to work part time.

[@JasonGroom]

I can't imagine what it would have been like without a full time job. The day I graduated, and I only had to work a full time job it was like a vacation.

[@ganymedehedgehog371]

@@natertater4974I worked part time from high school through university and did just fine. Idk what you guys do with all that extra time because it isn’t that hard. Full time work would be impossible but 20-24hrs a week while being a full time student is perfectly reasonable.

[@catnapper7509]

It depends on the courses and requirements. And costs.

[@catnapper7509]

​@@natertater4974and then they take advantage of the other employees to cover your responsibilities!

[@hanney3194]

They could pay for their younger kids college and also help the older kids out with paying a chunk of their house off or buying them a vacation etc if they are worried about not being fair.

[@Sjrevog]

I think that's a great idea

[@jpondarun]

How about putting money in college funds for the older kids' kids? Didn't pay for their college, but helping them pay for their kids to go to college.

[@hanney3194]

@@jpondarun that would be a great idea too!

[@adamseidel9780]

You could always give smaller gifts to the older kids as a way to show your care and love to them too. Maybe some of the four have some loan debt left you could throw a few thousand at, or maybe if one already struggled to pay it off you could give them money for their down payment or something like that. It doesn’t have to be equal, but it’s just a way to acknowledge them and their success as well while providing the greater help for the younger ones. If the kids receive a gift like that and are still upset, they aren’t the sort of good people you ought to be worried about anyway.

[@edhcb9359]

If you care about your kids then they won’t have student loans in the first place.

[@stefancoban59]

@@edhcb9359 that is such a dumb statement

[@edhcb9359]

@@stefancoban59 Because? Do tell.

[@stefancoban59]

@@edhcb9359 some parents are simply in a financial position where they can't help their kids with uni expenses. It's not that they don't want to, or they don't love their kids. But sometimes life can be rough for the parents who are just trying to rise their kids as well as they can. And sometimes students just need to take loans in order to have the great education, universities can provide nowadays. I call BS on people who say student loans are bad or that our higher education system is worse than what it used to be. My mother is a medical doctor, I am medical doctor. And I'd say with 100% serenity that I got a far better uni experience. There is so much more knowledge now, that she could not even dreamed of, at her time.

[@edhcb9359]

@@stefancoban59 It’s funny because the argument is always that parents can’t afford it. And it’s true that some parents can afford to send their kids to college easier than others. That’s why we have the FAFSA system. What can American patents all seem to afford though? Cigarettes, alcohol, door dashing their food instead of home cooking. New cars, etc, etc etc. Somehow that’s never a problem, it’s just things like retirement and college that are a struggle. It’s funny you mentioned medical school. I’m sending my oldest to medical school and between scholarships and the money I’m contributing he will be debt free. I saved $500/month for college the whole time he was growing up. We weren’t rich but skipped a lot of the luxuries that I mentioned above. Where there is a will there is a way.

[@thefcleary]

Dave, you are ignoring the fact that when parents can afford more, students can’t qualify for as many scholarships and other financial aid.

[@genxx2724]

Even the parents aren’t considering that.

[@blairkinsman3477]

You’re right .. student performance awards not so much but the tuition cost reduction programs absolutely!!

[@nicholashomler1494]

No, you do not have to put parental information in. That is optional. And your talking about student loans which he does not endorse.

[@thefcleary]

@@nicholashomler1494 Whether you need to put parental info in depends on the state. And many scholarships are need-based.

[@nicholashomler1494]

@@thefcleary fasfa is federal not state. Yes some scholarships are but most can be bipassed with a note saying no parental assistance.

[@melgonz.6962]

As an older sibling who struggled to pay for college, I would be ecstatic if my younger siblings could avoid that stress and my parents paid (they kind of did). My parents helped my younger siblings more, and I'm happy they didn't have to struggle as much as I did. I don't know why anyone would be upset by that. Older siblings are usually protective of the younger ones, I bet they will be OK with the parents paying.

[@charlesg7926]

Are you kidding me? Because it’s unfair and shows favoritism, that’s why. Parents showing favoritism is disgusting. I grew up with it and I’m still angry about it today. Everybody thinks it’s cool unless they’re the victims of it. It’s not cool

[@_Philip_.]

@@charlesg7926 it s not always about favoritism, maybe it s about financial ability wich can change with time?

[@allaboutroofing2]

@@charlesg7926 just curious if you benefited long term? I was the youngest and my parents bought cars and paid for college for my older sister's, but I didn't get the same. I had to work and pay for my own car, so I started mowing lawns at 14. They contributed to college only for As and Bs. I am the most successful of my siblings and I appreciate the tough love and am not angry about the decision my parents make. Sometimes parenting has a learning curve. I lost both parents at as a young adult and couldn't fathom being bitter about their decisions or the additional help my older siblings got. Maybe you should talk to them about it and tell them how you feel. Jealousy is a dangerous thing.

[@allaboutroofing2]

@@charlesg7926 I saw on another post to this channel that you own a business that does 1.2 million gross per year. Good for you. Why are you still so bitter? Do you not see that your parents giving you personal responsibility likely made you a better business person? Also, why so secretive about the type of business you own? Suggesting you don't want competition is a weak excuse especially when disclosing your company's gross profit as a means of bragging. Not being harsh but 1.2 million in gross in the service industry (blue collar) isn't uncommon and the likelyhood of saying, you are a roofer, as an example, doesn't mean you are going to have increased competition. Your comments suggest you aren't a very happy person, maybe I am wrong. You should look into your hostility tho, all the money in the world is nothing if people don't want to be around you.

[@genxx2724]

@@allaboutroofing2 Maybe your parents realized they made a mistake handing things to the older kids. Did they turn out ungrateful and entitled?

[@barryspotts9850]

My Dad paid for my undergraduate, and I am paying for my kids undergraduate degree because I am able.. Now my kids went to community college and transferred to a 4 year university in state... Quite frankly if they went out of state, there is no way I could afford to pay for it...

[@privacyplease1556]

Private schools are often cheaper than public schools.

[@paul_domici]

I'm the oldest son and was treated unfairly compared to my other two younger siblings! So I promised to treat all three of my kids as fairly as possible and that's what I'm trying to do!

[@linuxsurfer2002]

Similar story, I was the oldest and had to (or got to) pay for everything myself EXCEPT for college - my parents did cover what scholarships did not pay for. My two brothers only had to pay some on their cars (I paid all), my parents covered repairs on their cars (I paid for all my repairs).

[@katiejon17]

Yikes. Was it circumstantial on your parent’s part, or just cruel?

[@steviejd5803]

Halos all round.

[@katemiller7874]

Excellent. Very mature. That’s what good parents do. We don’t whine about it. We correct what’s wrong.

[@FancyRPGCanada]

It’s sort of unfair, but whatever she gives the younger kids she should also give the older kids as home payments

[@Wishes591]

They could also help the other older siblings in other ways. They could help with a down payment on a house, a nice wedding, a lavish vacation, etc.

[@MsMockingbird06]

There’s a difference between not being able to help and choosing not to help. Encourage the younger kids to get scholarships and internships. If they fall a little short, fund the rest. The older kids could also help their siblings find money for school.

[@David-wo9un]

I like Dave’s definition of fair; better to learn that early than to go off into the real world and be shocked by reality.

[@blairkinsman3477]

To me, fair at home teaches the difference between family and the rest of the world

[@privacyplease1556]

“I’m not going to be a fair, righteous, and just parent because the rest of the world isn’t fair, righteous, and just,” said the awful parent.

[@sspann]

Yea I understand DR's definition since that's how the world works, but I also wouldn't set out to treat my loved ones as such, especially since it would be "fair" if the kids told the parents they don't want to have any further relationship with them. An extreme reaction, sure, childish, you bet, but it would be "fair."

[@Miss_Dani_DWhit]

I am the older sibling from a similar situation. I am so happy that my parents are in a much better and blessed financial situation that my younger sister (12 years difference) has been able to benefit from. The most important is that I'm glad she does not have student loans to pay back. I remind her that she is very blessed and that our parents have always worked hard to make sure we both have what we needed, and she had benefited just a little more. She is aware and completely understands. I would never feel upset about this. My parents have done the best job at supporting us both in all areas of life.

[@Ilovedachshunddogs]

My parents had one college fund to split between the three of us. My older sister graduated debt free while working and my parents paid for most of it. I didn’t have any of my college paid for at all. I never got upset with my sister, I resented my parents poor planning. It wasn’t fair at all. I went to community college and a state school. I lived in the ghetto and had my water and electricity cut off. My sister lived in a dorm. I worked three jobs after I graduated for years to pay off my loans. Zero help

[@AimeePoppinBabies]

If you do it for one you have to make it even for the other child. The world is unfair but your love between your children SHOULD be.

[@thesmartbudgetchannel2940]

I disagree with dave. I think they can pay for their own college. Especially if the parents are behind on their retirement.

[@dagobert1234321]

I don’t think they are behind on retirement. The mom says things are going good

[@jimroscovius]

That's true, but in this case, they have the money. So did we, so we paid for almost all. They paid some and borrowed a little. We could have paid that, but we wanted them to know what owing was like.

[@wbae1340]

Nope. They are not behind, they are doing fine. It’s pretty selfish to put yourself financially above your own children, especially when you have the money…

[@genxx2724]

The older kids aren’t going to be conscious of their feelings right away. It will take a week or so. If the parents provide college for the younger kids, they should do something for the older kids to equalize it.

[@JustinCase780]

You know more than the mother about HER own kids! Wow. Nope...the younger kids shouldn't owe the older kids anything. Nonsense guilt logic.

[@ghlutton7971]

@@JustinCase780 try reading what that said again

[@LegendaryApexofDestruction]

@@JustinCase780 I think whay he's trying to say is that if the parents are paying more of a percentage of the separate siblings education, then they should do something like paying down the same amount of extra that the other has in things like student loans

[@JustinCase780]

@@LegendaryApexofDestruction There is no reason to "equalize it"...the young ones don't need to be burdened with all of it. If they are behind in retirement just get the two young ones through state schools and the older ones will be just fine. No guilt of making everything equal.

[@genxx2724]

Could leave the older kids more inheritance if the parents feel like they need to devote more to retirement fund. That wouldn’t help the older kids get ahead now, but at least feelings would be assuaged and the parents would be acknowledging there’s a difference in upbringing.

[@labornurse]

All of kids are told if they don't earn scholarships, we will put them through community college. Their success there will determine what happens next.

[@inmate0054]

I like this

[@genxx2724]

I disagree with kids having to put themselves through school. Only a small percentage have the ability to stand out and get scholarships. Parents who didn’t plan for college costs or don’t have the ability to do so shouldn’t throw it back in the kids.

[@labornurse]

@@genxx2724 what's wrong with paying for community college

[@bamagirlce12]

@@genxx2724 most community college credits transfer directly to state universities. And even though I went directly to university I spent summers at community college because the courses were cheaper. A good plan for community college could basically pay for half of a university degree and the student wouldn't be any worse off for it.

[@genxx2724]

@@labornurse What’s wrong is that’s ALL they’re prepared to pay for, but they deceptively present it as the kids’ own “shortcomings” that will cause them to have to provide their own college.

[@chrisbutler9999]

Just give even amount to all children

[@justinecorrington4106]

But can they can actually afford for college? Didn’t the caller say they barely saved anything for retirement?

[@chada75]

How about teaching all your kids to pay their own College/Tech School bill. Go get to work. Problem solved!

[@rachelharrison7961]

Is this a 2nd family? There’s such a big age gap between the two sets of kids.

[@ana10g]

thought this too.

[@lawrencefranck9417]

Oops!😳

[@rockintherae]

Keep it even. If you give them money for college, give the other ones the same amount to throw towards their house or something.

[@ashleyh.2178]

👏👏

[@selfridgesforever4399]

This is a great idea

[@hansonallie]

💯

[@JustinCase780]

Nope with the "even steven" nonsense. The young ones are an entirely new generation with cost of tuitions skyrocketed. The siblings will be just fine.

[@kristencampbell5533]

@@JustinCase780 There's an in-between option that acknowledges that, like giving the younger kids enough towards college to set them up with a similar financial situation as the older siblings had with no help, and for anything beyond that giving a gift to all siblings.

[@anotherseoulnative8781]

Unless you want resentment in your family you shouldn’t radically treat children different no matter WHAT stage in your life

[@BabyGators]

Agree. This is asking for a fight and long term resentment. The only way to avoid that would be to take whatever you were willing to throw at it and split it among them. I’m a firm believer in “the world ain’t fair,” but this is asking for trouble.

[@jrwntctv8091]

Unless you want resentment in your family, don't have more than one child.

[@AlyssaTaylor9]

I wouldn't say this treating the children radically differently, if they honestly did not have the money to support their oldest children's educations but do now, it's only reasonable to take into account that the situation has changed. Seems like the oldest are adults well into their 20s, so they're not even children anymore

[@24collin24Collin]

especially if the parents were unsympathetic when they were dealing with these things on their own.

[@AgaKirchner]

If you have good relationships with your children, you keep the communication open and resentment is avoidable.

[@alicecarroll2007]

The cost of higher education has skyrocketed. My four sibs and I put ourselves through college with minimal help from parents. Today’s kids would find that very difficult.

[@chrischris4827]

Never do for one what you did not do for all.

[@greggalletta8679]

They might not truthfully answer and harbor resentment

[@lesliesmith7312]

As the oldest who’s gone through a similar situation, I definitely feel resentment that the youngest all got to do sports that we couldn’t afford when I was little and now they get all kinds of financial help because they all have kids and my parents feel like they need to help their grandchildren.

[@jeffmueller9422]

Save for college and if they get a scholarship spend it on something else!

[@kara2162]

I would have them pay for college on their own like the older. I would decide on a certain amount they receive once they were graduate. *The older ones would already receive that amount now.

[@lindahigh6974]

What about giving the older kids some cash? That way there is something for them and you explain that you finances have changed and you will be paying for the youngest to go to college. Everyone wins and there isn't anyone feeling bad.

[@gilligan1350]

My grandpa was one of those hard liners that had the ability to pay for college but instead said "if you want it bad enough, you'll find a way" so my dad enlisted and went to Vietnam for the GI Bill. My grandparents got divorced.

[@9liveslisa]

The best thing my father ever taught me is "Life isn't fair". I've carried that statement through my entire life.

[@linuxsurfer2002]

I tell my kids this, but I still have a hard time with not making things equitable - guess I need to learn that definition of "fair" that Dave used, haha

[@privacyplease1556]

Life isn’t fair. That doesn’t mean parents should add to the unfairness

[@dcg590]

@@privacyplease1556 you’re special

[@ashleyh.2178]

From my experience, I paid a 1/2 (including scholarships) of my tuition and my parents the other half. However, for my younger sister my parents paid 75% or more. Because I didn’t have a good relationship with my sister and other things, I began having resentment towards my mom. She didn’t understand that I worked incredibly hard and sometimes work impacted with my studies. I also didn’t have the traditional college expedience like many had. As a result of that experience, I decided that when I have my own children I will highly encourage good grades with scholarships regardless of birth order. I will try to be fair and only pay the same amount for each child and if I have to pay more for one child the other child can have the remaining amount towards whatever they’d like.

[@nepatriots77]

You sound like my older sister. It's so sad that there is jealousy and fairness between family. Idk why your relationship with your sister is sour but you as an older sibling should set a good example rather than try to compete with your younger sister

[@diplomatdiplomat2800]

@@nepatriots77 So you are accusing while also lecturing this person on how to live? You are horribly judgemental

[@genxx2724]

@@nepatriots77 The parents set the stage for resentment. Paying more for college is probably only one thing. She may have been shown favorable treatment while the commenter had to toe the line many, many times.

[@nepatriots77]

@@genxx2724 yeah its possible, and there are many things we don't know about that the commenter didn't share. Obviously if there was clear unfairness with evil intentions then that warrants the resentment. But you can't expect exact 50/50 help. To parents, they love kids equally and given certain circumstances, they end up financially helping one child more than the other. The commenter just reminded me of my sister who was toxic and super competitive and my relationship with her deteriorated over the years. She was just never happy with herself and disliked seeing me do well.

[@nepatriots77]

I think the first child is more of a test experiment for parents. They learn their mistakes and improve when raising 2nd or 3rd kid. It's unfair to the parents to have this kind of resentment. You do you, but you will better understand your parents when you have your own kids especially as a woman. I don't know your full situation but I assume your mother didn't have evil intentions. If that's true, then don't hate on your mother, she may be working really hard supporting you and your sister. She still did help you pay 50%, there are kids that never get any support.

[@yasinnabi]

Too many people spend money they earned..to buy things they don't want..to impress people that they don't like. --Will Rogers

[@baileysmith2646]

I’m an older sibling of 8 who is currently putting herself through college. I would be ecstatic if my parents could afford to help out my youngest sisters and keep them from student loan debt. It wouldn’t hurt my feelings at all. I can’t blame my parents for not always remaining at the same point economically. If they are in a much better economic spot by the time, my youngest siblings go to college that’s great.

[@markmyers3409]

Dave, you totally missed the statement that they are behind on retirement. I think your advice would have been very different than it was.

[@susieare]

100% know what Dave means about 1st vs 3rd child lol We do try to be consistent with our kids but it's hard! I'm an eldest child and it definitely happened to me as well and I'm grateful for it :)

[@amberdeterman5815]

Why do the older ones need to know? They will be like 30 when the littles are in college. Why do you need to bring it up to them it's not their business.

[@elizabetha8565]

Why can't they also help out the older kids like with a home?

[@ilotefft2526]

Every child is different. I wanted to be independent of my parents as soon as possible. They were controlling! So I got good grades in order to receive scholarships. I also had part-time jobs. My parents gave me $15 a week for spending money. My older brother didn’t want to go to college, so my parents paid for him to go to a Junior College for two years. It felt like he was rewarded for his lazy behavior, but I gaining my independence was worth it.

[@Piggyy33]

You two guys get along so well, a pleasure to laugh along with you both. George I like you man 👍

[@dummgelauft]

6 kids...God Almighty..unless this is a blended family or the last 2 are adopted...wth On the other hand, have the older siblings support the younger ones.

[@rob8582]

Dave: "Sell the kids!"

[@atdepaulis]

By the time you get to the 6th your energy runs out haha 😂 it’s true!

[@kvgolfa]

They could still help the older ones as well

[@ryszardolszewski243]

Something that was completely overlooked was how the increased family income would NEGATIVELY affect the cost of college for the younger kids. A vast majority of scholarships are in part based on financial need, which is often based on the estimated family contribution (EFC) from FAFSA. As a result, drastically higher income can disqualify the younger kids from most scholarships, which would make it so much harder to pay their own way through. The biggest loss would be from losing university grant eligibility, which most often is the bulk of aid you receive. Often the difference between a parents income of 60k to 100k can result in the difference between a full ride and almost no aid. If I were in that situation, I would have the younger kids do their best with jobs and scholarships they can get but cover what they would have gotten had they not been burdened by your high EFC.

[@katemiller7874]

Give them some cash they’ll be cool with it.

[@taylor.e.a.g]

They can buy mutual funds for all children. The younger ones can use it for school and the older ones can use it for a wedding, house, travel, etc.

[@inmate0054]

If I make a bunch of money after my oldest is on their own and can do more for the younger ones. Then I’ll do things for the older also

[@hollyb6885]

Dang. Dave mentioned the Tilt a Whirl and now I’m nauseous. 🤮

[@carlagarrett8584]

I always think if you can, try to be equal, if one kid is doing better than the other, help the one needing help. But, after 18-24 (independence) keep your money for yourself.

[@wickedbird1538]

Life is never fair. And the kids are not the same.

[@mariad4183]

They should have to do it the same way & divide the $ you would have spent between them all. Don't forget, they ALREADY have benefits that the older ones didn't; sibling experience & insight + the wisdom of looking back. 24/7 access to it - all of which you & hubby benefit from too because they become the most up to date voice in these topics

[@commonsense-og1gz]

if you don't want to pay for college, don't complain when they chose another option other than college.

[@damonleeb]

I had this same situation with my parents and I turned out fine paying for it myself

[@kristencampbell5533]

While "fair" is not an obligation, it can be nice to make it a consideration. One possibility would be to say, "We will pay X towards your college" for the younger and, "We will give you a comparable amount to put towards the balance on your house / your student loans / a 529 plan for your children's college" for the older. Then again, college gets MUCH more expensive year over year, rising much faster than wages, so not paying for someone's college now is setting them up for quite a bit more hardship than even ten years ago. It's simply not the same. So another option is to say that you will contribute X amount towards college to set the younger ones up for a similar financial situation as the older ones had with no contribution. Or something between these two options. There are different ways to get at "fair" that factor all these things into account, and there's no one right way, but being thoughtful about it and voicing your thought process to the whole family can make a difference. I know several people who experienced clear favoritism from parents, and it really tore their families apart, and so as adults they were determined to find ways to show they were aware of that and to be intentional about fairness and vocalize their intentions to be fair, whatever that means. There's also the fact the highest level of colleges offer need-based aid only, no merit-based aid, which is determined by the parents' finances, and they subtract any outside scholarships out of that calculated need, so if the younger kids are exceptional students that can get into these kinds of schools, their parents' higher income will actually disqualify them from aid that they could have qualified for had their parents had lower incomes. I'm surprised that Ramsey never talks about need-based aid at the top colleges for very high potential students, because some students can go to top colleges for free. (For example, Princeton now covers full costs of tuition, room, and board for any family earning less than $100K, Harvard covers full cost for families earning under $85K, MIT covers tuition for families under $140K and tuition, room, and board for families earning under $75K, etc., and then if you're a bit above those cutoffs, you will still get the majority of your costs covered by need-based aid, and even if decently well above that, you will still get a portion of costs covered by need-based aid.)

[@ColleenMarble]

This happened to me only it was step siblings who benefitted from help while I had no help, and meanwhile there were new house and new cars and new clothes for my dad and stepmom. It was hard, and yes it made me better with money, which benefits me now. But I would never want my kids to struggle the way I did. My oldest is graduating in May, no debt. And my youngest starts school in the fall and will also graduate without debt. They didn't get everything in the world they wanted while in school, but we took care of their needs so they could focus on school without the stress of figuring out how to afford food like I did.

[@fauxbro1983]

I have a similar situation. I ended up being a civil engineer and well on my own. My dad "blessed" my half brother with a house. My dad got divorced from my half siblings mom and now I've shelled out around $20 grand to help my dad. My half brother....not a cent of help

[@patriciaalbertson5183]

​, you don't have to help him with money. He won't learn that way.

[@pingupenguin2474]

This discussion has diverted into being about college funding. But I think it is more important that the parents have adequate pension funds, and savings/ investments, so they are not having to scrounge off the kids when they can't work any more. As this family has proved, kids can find a way to fund college if keen enough.

[@Chele-nm4qx]

I agree with kids paying their own way. I know Dave wants you to do a college fund- nope. If they don’t know what you want to college for- then they don’t get to go to college. If they know what they want to do- let them pay their way. It’s not fair to the older ones- the younger ones will feel entitled & there will be resentment for sure since the older ones paid their own way!

[@lexir7504]

i don't think being "fair" matters when it comes to things like this with circumstances changing. my first thought is that i didn't breast feed my first son we formula fed him and it is my BIGGEST regret as a mother. when his younger brother was born i felt so guilty that i was going to breastfeed him but not my first. i almost decided against breastfeeding entirely because it wasn't "fair" but if you're thinking emotionally you kind of get it but if you stop to think for two seconds it makes no sense. you do the best with what you got you shouldn't take away from other kids because you weren't able to provide certain things

[@Heisrisin3]

Do you want your kids? I have some skin in the game then you need to teach them good ethics. Honesty, saving good habits, etc. that’s worth more than any money you could ever pay you or leave them. We raise three kids that are all now in their 40s are successful, and they made it on their own without borrowing

[@stillwatersfarm8499]

Having money to pay for your kids college and not doing it is insane. Sorry, I have no time for that nonsense. If they are doing what they are supposed to and getting good grades, then pay for it. They can spend their precious extra time on enrichment activities instead of working a low wage job.

[@CG-MP]

if she really wants to keep things fair, start a savings account for every kid. the ones who've already worked their way through college can use the money for a house down payment. The younger ones will get to choose. Do you want to spend this on college? Or work your way through and get scholarships and save it for a house later.

[@brittaneypregizer6903]

I was the oldest and had to pay for books, my brother didn't have to pay for anything. I definitely was taught to work harder for it.

[@Lesh004]

Me personally… I understand wanting to be fair. But life isn’t fair and your kids don’t have a say in how you handle your finances.

[@loveubye2288]

The older ones also qualified for more aid than their younger ones will qualify for based on their income. It's unethical not to help them.

[@RedBarnFinancialTV]

I'm not sure they answered the question as to whether they have enough money for their own retirement. She said they just got out of debt and are behind on saving. Wouldn't it make more sense for them to put the money away for retirement and let the kids borrow. Later on if they have all their money saved and it's more than they need. Then they could give whoever they want some money. I'm pretty sure Ramsey had a lot more money to fund the kids' education than this lady does.

[@prenticehammond2003]

Were the rates for college the older kids different that it will be for the younger ones when their time comes? Inflation on college tuition was out of whack at one point. Maybe it still is.

[@orlandogomez7776]

You don't have to say anything. Just have the money to the side. If the kid needs more help than you help.

[@fenomfangx]

If you made less the older kids got the pell grant, the younger ones may not qualify.

[@dcg590]

Maybe their financial position has changed since the four older went to college.

[@RichardLeo-mf3zb]

How about paying for part of their college and then get a part time job.

[@jadexu6382]

Just pay the older kids same compensation

[@steveguti6452]

YOU ARE VERY SPECIAL TO GOD praise God praying for everyone everyday God bless you all.

[@samb3396]

Sometimes it is hard for older kids to get over this concept. My parents paid for $15000 worth of dental work on my little sister and when I need the same thing, I am caught footing the bill. Little sister and parents got to go all over the country for gymnastics which parents paid for and dad wasn't there much for my sports in HS. That being said, I have made sure to be financially responsible, have a great job outlook in Cybersecurity. Before I moved across the country for work dad took me to the DMV and put his pickup truck and boat in my name. So the answer is even though it's not fair you gotta respect the decision and focus on your own path because doing so may reward you later.

[@sobeliever1638]

Sell if you could pay for it but your younger sister could not what else is to be expected?

[@mattschmitt9924]

So you are complaining that your parents did what they wanted with their money and all you got was a truck and a boat?!? Oh the tortures you have been forced to endure!

[@CaitlynGoesHiking]

My brother is 12 years older than me so my mom was in a very different place raising me if she was with him financially. She helped pay for my college bachelors degree when she couldn’t really do that when my brother graduated high school. But I had stipulations I had a scholarship that paid for most of the tuition and as long as I kept it her and my stepdad would pay the remainder and help with housing and fees and books. However she has helped my brother in other ways later in his life when she was able to. She has provided free childcare since my niece and nephew were born and let them live in my grandma‘s old house for free when they needed that to work on their finances. My mom’s philosophy is just helping how she can in that moment based on where she is right then whether that be giving actual money or offering her time or her actual help based on the resources she has

[@WorldOfMellie]

I would be happy if my parents circumstances changed enough for them to pay for my younger siblings. It would be mean if you could help them, except them to go to college but refuse to help for fear of upsetting others.

[@flea4061]

I haven't spoke to my mother in 30 years because she paid for my younger sister's college and not mine. I view this as a disservice to my daughter because the money I waste on my student loans due to my mother's disservice, could be going into my daughter's 529. And that is something I will never get over.

[@noblegirl1991]

Well did she have the money when your younger sister was college age

[@pingupenguin2474]

Relationships are much more important than money.

[@pattyajones]

The difference here, IMHO...is they "can" help the youngest ones now. However, I agree, set a limit.... make the younger ones work for themselves. BUT I would NOT co-sign any loans. Gotta admit Dave, the "we gotta shut that heretic down right quick."

[@johncameron4194]

College isn’t worth it anymore

[@aolvaar8792]

$135K for a degree that gets $135K/yr?

[@chada75]

Tech Schools are

[@shnuggumz]

Yes, it’s unfair that the older kids that you treat the younger ones differently (in fact “better”) than the older ones. This, I like Dave’s suggestion that you sit all the kids down to inquire their feelings about it. Doing so will preemptively ease any resentment - which is only natural. I think it’s approaching unethical to have the ability to pay for college, but simply not do so. That is selfish. An education is the gift that keeps on giving. You cannot take the money with you when you leave this world. So why wouldn’t you want to give your children the best possible start in life? So long as they deserve it, and don’t want you to pay tuition for an underwater basket weaving degree!

[@cassandrahuete5973]

I have a brother old enough to be my son, and my partner does too. Trust me, your older kids wont recent you paying for the littles ones college. When you have a much younger sibling who isnt in your generation or peer group, it changes the dynamics to almost an aunt/uncle and niece/nephew relationship

[@catnapper7509]

Yes it's unfair!

[@skills7071]

0:20 "we're rather behind in retirement" well, there's your answer. any good financial planner would have you take care of you first. huge gap in ages here, 2nd marriage? dunno but if you don't have the money to take care of yourself you shouldn't worry about your kids who literally have a lifetime of working years ahead while yours are winding down

[@user-wq7hw2ow9l]

There is a big difference between college cost now and 20 years ago. Today it is almost impossible for a child to pay for school without taking big loans. The caller could help pay part of the younger children's college cost, and gift some money to the older ones. Balance it out somewhat, doesn't have to be exact but I am sure will be greatly appreciated.

[@lavenderkisses9461]

The thing is it is fair. If they had been able to pay for the older children’s college they would have. They are treating the kids the same based on where they are in life currently.

[@Excalibur2]

Sounds more like she just wants to keep the money for herself, let's not pretend it's about building character - and that's ok.

[@Mr_Fairdale]

They sound like great parents. College funded or not, they’re lucky

[@J3llyBean423]

SRB They were all making it "unfair / for each other / so since I was solo / noone is making unfair for me / but then I go and get what Im owed

[@bellmattwebb]

These days, if you pay for half, they young ones will probably still have to pay more.

[@underfiremaf8307]

Have the discussion now. Do not wait till later. You don't get to see how it will be later on. You don't know what kind of people the younger kids will be, the path they will take, etc. In the event that there is strife between one of the adults and the younger ones in the future it will be great to have already established this.

[@ghjong001]

Part of this is probably not up to them; if they didn't have much money when the older kids went to school, they probably qualified for need-based financial aid. With the younger children, not only are they earning more, there are fewer dependents in the household.

[@djpuplex]

Jeez having five siblings all your kids will hate you.

[@lyndaslocs]

I have one child. The goal is to pay as we go through college. So far, we have five semesters covered.

[@webfreakz]

Rachel bashing at the end lol. Didn't Dave hint at the same story a while back but he didn't want to name any name while Rachel was in the studio with him? I guess now we know

[@Cincinnatistriping]

Hey Dave what's the best way to pay off a business loan with profits like what percentage of profits should go towards your business loan and the other money has to go back into the business

[@LegendaryApexofDestruction]

If I were me I would pay off all that I can afford.

[@karenc6334]

You’re asking Dave Ramsey if you should take on non-mortgage debt?

[@jrwntctv8091]

@@karenc6334 Sounds like it's too late for that! He's asking how to pay off a loan that was already taken out.

[@kemi1486]

Why even tell them anything. Just have the money ready for when the time comes but let them try first.

[@vkchaitanya2003]

If the older kids are mature they will ask the parents to pay off for their younger siblings.