Therapist Breaks Down Stephen & Monica | Love is Blind 7

[@hihii3902]

She did look disgusted with him like most of the time

[@skai1727]

The things he said made me 🤢

[@juliac2687]

Who wouldn’t 😂

[@Partycitybaex]

Fr her upper lip was always touching her nose

[@JamminOnThe1]

@@hihii3902 no doubt. She obviously wasn’t attracted to him. He is super goofy looking.

[@moodmusic2495]

He talk too much. He needs to be center of attention.

[@veganforthem76]

When Monica dumped Stephen and asked for all of the money she spent on him back I stood up and cheered 😂

[@embody_safety_with_eva]

I think that's also a huge growth opportunity for her - why do I put myself into situations where I overgive, esp. in the beginning of a relationship? Or give as a form of transaction?

[@LEMATTOFFICIAL]

High key that moment was dope af and hilarious 😂

[@livywithane]

😂👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@ilhuicatlamatini]

😂 👏🏽 same!

[@melo_fits2.0]

😂😂😂I was watching it while in the shower and I cheered for her so much😂😂😂Classic moment!

[@theCatsitter878]

There was that part where Monica said how tough it it was for her to be single at 36 and seeing all her friends getting married/having babies, that explains a lot of her behaviour.

[@live.life.secure.coaching]

This 💯 she's coming from a place of desperation and scarcity

[@juliac2687]

Yes! Unfortunately, her desperation (and maybe also hope that this experiment will work out) led her to abandon her standards one by one. She settled and thought that he would be grateful for that. But they are never grateful…

[@lunarosa321]

@@juliac2687 I think she did at first. But as the experiment proceeded, the blindfold started to fall off as she got to know the real him in person. She grew more disgusted because he didn't match her materialistic expectations, physical boundaries, and the sleep experiment (cheating) was the last straw.

[@amaprime7225]

The way Stephen discussed his past cheating was a red flag because he didn’t seem to take real accountability. “I’ve been given the label of cheater” is not the same thing as saying “I’ve cheated on my partner in the past.” He also says something to the effect of “everyone defines cheating differently” which also felt distancing. I think he really downplayed his own actions, which was a trend that continued later through their relationship.

[@live.life.secure.coaching]

💯

[@live.life.secure.coaching]

I noticed this too. He didn't take accountability. He intellectuallized his behavior and justified it, which meant the root cause was never identified, tackled, and healed

[@Carm6896]

Yuppppp

[@awrebyawe]

Yup it was a red flag for me too, he really didn't take accountability for it and show any sort of remorse. Very different to Freddie from Love is Blind UK. I kinda think Monica just wanted to be proposed to and go through the process, I doubt she would've said yes to him.

[@dadaguiar]

i didn’t think of it that way

[@caseyw.6550]

I swear, I don't think stephen knows what he's even saying half the time. He is just spewing BS that he thinks makes him sound good.

[@CleoComments]

Agreed he gives me child vibes- like an impulsive 4 year old. It’s repulsive- not him- but that presentation. However it seems Monica loved being in mummy mode. So glad when she took back her power.

[@joanna0988]

​@@CleoCommentsHe is very similar to someone I know who has ADHD.

[@live.life.secure.coaching]

😂

[@caseyw.6550]

​@joanna0988 Girl, please. I have adhd and don't you dare put that on us. Absolutely not. That is not an adhd thing. Talking a lot? Sure. Talking complete phony nonsense just to hear yourself talk and solely to make yourself look good? No.

[@joanna0988]

@@caseyw.6550 Ok well not everyone with ADHD is just like you and not everyone with it is a good person either. The lack of impulse control, interrupting, engaging in high consequence behavior, talking excessively and going on tangents are all symptoms of adhd in men. Also he could have RSD as well which could explain why he's also self centered and insensitive to others emotions.

[@itsmystupidname]

I never saw Monica’s face align with her words. She used the confessionals to convince herself she felt otherwise.

[@gignock]

This is what I was going to say! I didn’t think Monica’s body language ever matched what she was saying!

[@caseyw.6550]

Can't blame her one single bit. I would have lost my shit WAY sooner. The man is REPULSIVE to women in general.

[@EmpressEllie]

Stephen made my skin crawl before we found out he lives up to the label cheater. Glad to know my creep-o-meter is still functioning well! It took many years to get functioning!!

[@stephaniejmc]

Yeah, everything about him gave me the "ick" 😂

[@oliokioli]

Same! I was proud of myself for getting his personality right.

[@Souris1359]

Same! And i was like "why am i feeling this way? he seems to be a nice guy but something is off'

[@ilhuicatlamatini]

Honestly that’s why I watch these kinds of shows, it helps me keep my senses sharp for discerning red flags and green flags etc.

[@RivyO]

I felt the same about Monica. They match each other so well. There words don’t match their actions.

[@Kim-ny152]

I do think some grace needs to be given to them during confessional interviews because a producer probably asked “so what do you think of his livelihood/education” and that was her response that was then added to the edit

[@morethanyourbasics]

That was my immediate thought. As soon as you sign up for a reality tv show the things said out loud, the language “ick”, the topics that keep coming up might be heavily influenced by producers weaving a story

[@ms.hjohnson6820]

Soooo true! I was on a reality show, it’s yet to air, and the producers are WILD. They also tell you what to say at time. They even set up situation they want to see air on the show.

[@bydivadream]

This is exactly how confessionals work - it's the same as in pageants, where you have to incorporate the question in the start of your answer (so that they cut out the interviewer's voice)

[@lyndsie92]

My love language is gifts. It's totally not a high maintenance expensive thing! I'm not a fancy gal. But if my husband grabs me a snack on the way home it is an instant mood booster for me 😅 and now that I have kids, whenever someone else thinks of them and gets them even a little 1 dollar hot wheels toy I really appreciate that!

[@SelRdgz711]

This is me! lol

[@antoniao7439]

So you like to be thought of and considered. I think Monica just likes flowers and Louis Vuitton 😆

[@erinsanderson9693]

Gifts is not my top but when I receive them it makes me think, 'you are thinking about me lovingly when I'm not around and that's a special thing'. Gifts can be incredibly endearing when given and received well. Even by those other than your partner.

[@latishawillis4032]

Thanks! Best LIB content on KZbin.

[@StephAnya]

Thank you so much, Latisha!!

[@maloneaqua]

Despite what happened there's something about Stephen and Monica that just feels very equally matched - I think they both have a level of emotional immaturity that they don't recognize, they both tend to talk more than they tend to listen, they both get hung up on the material or physical (sexual)... on paper them seem pretty aligned honestly

[@embody_safety_with_eva]

100%, every couple on this show is equally matched when it comes to emotional maturity or trauma bonding.

[@islabee94]

Yes! He was so obviously flawed that people didn't pay attention to how flawed she was. They're both immature shallow and selfish. They aren't a bad match at all. If he'd been richer she would have stayed. If she'd had sex with him more, he would have stayed.

[@created__new]

Yes 👏

[@ilhuicatlamatini]

Good point

[@joanna0988]

It's actually pretty cool how well we pick our partners to match our issues 😅🤦🏼‍♀️

[@southernbelle8366]

I think their in-person connection wasn't very strong and Monica knew that she didn't want to be with Steven (I think Steven was picking up on that, too). However, she was 36 and unmarried with no kids so she was willing to settle until cheating came into play.

[@katrinetroelsen]

im 37 and getting really desperate, but in spite of that i cant get myself to settle for a guy im not into, like it seemed almost like monica did, i also didnt feel like she even really liked him. (i think im so desperate tho, that id be willing to overlook certain red flags)

[@chanelbell]

​@@katrinetroelsen If u don't believe in God go head & ignore this. 🫡 Get in ur bible do word studies on love and the roles of a wife & husband. God doesn't want us 2 settle. U can pray & journal about ur desire 4 marriage & of course work on urself. (The bible is the best self help book... ❤️)

[@CassTeaElle]

I feel like the "mutt" comment was edited. I strongly suspect it might have happened the other way around. Because the way she responds to it isn't like "lol yeah, I guess I am a mutt." She just says "I'm a f***ing mutt." And the way he says it is "wow, so you really ARE a mutt." I feel like it might have been more like she called herself a mutt, then she explained her racial background in more detail, and he responded with "wow, okay, you really ARE a mutt." The way he put emphasis on "you really ARE a mutt" didn't sound like that was the first time they had used that term. It sounded more like she had called herself that, and he was agreeing with her. The whole way both of them spoke in that scene felt very odd and like it was flipped around and edited to sound weirder than it was.

[@daniellewinn5774]

Ooooh good catch

[@cherishwashington6986]

the quote "you like because and you love despite" is from set it up. i always assumed that it meant that you liked someone because of all the things you like about them, but you love them once you see their flaws and you still accept them.

[@nrjm26]

I felt like both were quite performative. Even in the pods I thought Stephen was speaking in a manner that he thought made him "look good". Your observation that it seems as though they weren't really listening to each other makes a lot of sense to me and I would add, that they didn't listen to themselves either. However I do want to point out that the content of the confessional can be highly constructed by the production team, having them ask certain questions, digging for answers that could be misinterpreted, etc. But also their interactions felt off to me, like Monica wanted to portray herself as mature and moral, whilst Stephen wanted to play the role of the good guy who thinks a lot (when really he just talks a lot). When I meet couples like that in real life I always end up asking myself, why they are together...

[@juliac2687]

He weaponized a lot of “therapy speak” …

[@lindseykirsten1124]

i really think that monica was convinced that she was able to adapt to every type of people around her, because i had this feeling that she knew that they will never be the perfect match and the way she was trying to deal with him, it was like she was teaching him how to treat her, she knew that alot of the relationship will be done by her, and she accepted that. but stephen was one of a kind and she discovered new icks with him.

[@koriej.3275]

I agree, it is so dangerous to put your partner on a pedestal. We are all human. Therefore, no one will meet your expectations all the time. It's doomed for unfair disapointment.

[@joshuabuchanan1141]

Seems like thats only an American thing to be doomed for unfair disappointment, I don't really see that happening in other countries

[@crazy4catsRL]

When I realized one of my love languages was receiving gifts, it gave me a new understanding about myself especially at gift giving times. I love showering people I love with gifts, makes me happy to see others happy. But also receiving really shows me how well they know me and how much they care. Doesn’t have to be much… could literally just be my partner making me a tea 🥰

[@0kitten00]

I love your content. Thank you always for you insight and analytics. I wish this kind of content was available when I was young

[@Kenshaable]

At almost 33(on December 3) I've been in one serious relationship unfortunately with a narcissist that forced me to take time to recover and rebuild myself. I'm single for 3 years now and learned a lot by watching those videos. It's nice to confirm my analysis of those couples/individuals were right. U can assume when the time will come to be with someone again u'll be more capable of discerning signs and flags early on ...really helpful to keep growing

[@tanassa70]

I don't believe they would have worked even if that text situation didn't happen. Monica was passive aggressive in my opinion. Stephen in my opinion is a sex addict and needs therapy.

[@live.life.secure.coaching]

Completely agree with this 💯

[@UnknownUserCommented]

Yep he gives NYMPHO.

[@JackiaFreeman]

As a marriage and family therapy intern, and someone who actually has been only watching love is blind currently in my spare time, I love that you do these videos. I hope you do a video for Ashley and Tyler

[@leilamcdowell4634]

Also watch Psychology in Seattle. Both have great content for people in the helping field.

[@valeriejohnson8771]

Monica like all of the women have been yearning for a solid partner, with whom they can establish a good life. She wanted to believe that Stephen was that person. However, even in their conversation before she found the text messages that was cheating, she had several clues from the language he spoke, that he wasn't the person for her. He gave me the heaves with his language. Ugh!!

[@avayoung6720]

Right and all he kept implying multiple times was how he wanted her to S his D that was so disgusting and disrespectful to a woman you just met or you knew your whole life thats just something you dont say to someone you care about at all its treating her like shes nothing in my opinion she does not deserve that At All 💔🤢🤢

[@SW654F2011]

I love your analysis, as always! I thought you would have touched on the way Monica spoke to him, as in her tone, sarcasm, etc

[@wiwihoyos]

I still want Benahia and Nicole video😢 from Love Is Blind UK!🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽💜💜💜

[@Neo-wy2oc]

So sad she didn’t do a video on them 🙉

[@wiwihoyos]

Yeah I've been really waiting for it 😢

[@rebeccag8589]

Maybe because once they got together they were pretty healthy? They are one of my favorite couples. Does she mostly do videos about things like red flags and problematic behavior, or does she do the couples who seem healthy too?

[@lara1208-b1p]

Me too!

[@Akilahfoye]

Yup me too

[@lizspencer7712]

At first I couldn’t figure out why I was so uncomfortable with the way he handled her confrontation because technically he was agreeing with her. But yes, he was absolutely just escaping the tough conversation and the consequences of his decisions, and this was absolutely something that resonated with me. To just walk away felt like it diminished her feelings even though he was technically acknowledging them. So appreciate your videos!

[@ronswansonmulliganssteakhouse]

Incredibly interesting and insightful as always, I love your content.

[@kaylalaland]

I loved that you said that if someone likes gofts they are not materialistic. Thank you! That made me feel better because it is exactly as you said. I love the little things because they thought of me. Getting my favorite bag of chips or a pin that reminded them of me. Or even sending videos to me is a gift because I'm like aww you thought of me. I love your content. These really help me to be self reflective. :D

[@adaboBADa]

Your observations about the "suspects" in question are extremely astute. And I absolutely love your explanation of the love languages. Brava!

[@mindyann8903]

PLEASE DO ASHLEY/LYLER AND THEM KIDS !!!!

[@Urbi37]

I come here to say the same thing.

[@mlleopera]

My mom once said to me we love a person for the qualities but we stay for the flaws. Everyone has flaws, if you wish to have a beautiful and long relationship, you have to be ok with them because it is very easy to love someone when you only think about their qualities.

[@live.life.secure.coaching]

💯

[@ddot9566]

That sounds more like you’re staying in spite of the flaws, which is realistic. I just don’t see why someone would say they’re staying “for” the flaws.

[@mlleopera]

@ what it means is that life is hard. Finding someone whose flaws you can tolerate for 30 years is essential. When everything is good, it’s easy to be someone but when it goes south, you have to be aware of the flaws and ok with the response you have form your partner. If it is not the case, the relationship may end and quickly.

[@AngelineLuxe]

2:19 Stephen is the type to just say words and thinks that he said something prolific. I agree with you Steph, we do not love someone FOR their flaws, you love them in spite of their flaws.

[@melina.leany-g]

I really like your videos because they make me see things that I didn’t see before and helps me really understand where the contestants may be coming from in these conversations.

[@hihii3902]

When he brings up second thoughts I always got the vibe that it was brought up with the expectation that she could see it too. When she shot it down immediately I wondered if she was just thinking she wanted to stay on the show. I felt that way about nick too when he said “should we just call it quits” and Hannah glossed over it and they stayed together

[@hihii3902]

I genuinely wondered if they even did have sex. When she said we had great sex and he said ya I wondered if he just said yeah we did because how does one say “what no we haven’t had sex yet” in front of a camera. He also pretended to notice the issue between Alex and Tim when she brought it up but he clearly didn’t. He sounded like he was just saying he did. So to me that shows he will go along with anything including her mentioning sex they never had and pretending he loves her and is gonna marry her

[@hihii3902]

Also conspiracy theory: the conversation with Garrett was about what to do about this engagement he doesn’t want lol.

[@hihii3902]

Also conspiracy theory she baited him to talk too much so she could call him out for it again. When she tells him he’s talking too much it starts with a question, follows with his stream of consciousness nonsense response, and her not even trying to talk before she’s like baby imn obsessed with you but come on. It looked like she knew he’d do that

[@mayabasquin]

14:20 my husband thought his love language was physical touch until I pointed out that his love language is actually words of affirmation. I’m still learning how to speak to him in that language!

[@miriammusembwa]

1:56 this is why I subscribed to you. Insight like this👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@christaggart5687]

Yes, it’s good Monica communicated her frustration that she couldn’t get a word in. However, the way she did it was full of contempt and I didn’t find it to be a good model of how to communicate frustration

[@zoeziebee]

9:44 What you’re saying about Monica being in denial makes a lot of sense to me. As I was watching I always had a bit of an uneasy feeling when she was going on about how attracted she was to him and how much she loved him and I think you might be right that she was trying to convince herself and the audience

[@embody_safety_with_eva]

It's interesting how people on this show and irl as well will always gravitate to a partner who matches their unresolved trauma and subconscious comfort zone.

[@marinaglatsman946]

I recommend love is blind Argentina! A lot to unpack there…

[@Hazelsparks-u7y]

Watching this captivating video stirs up painful memories of the recent end of my 4 year relationship. My beloved partner chose to depart, leaving me with an unyielding ache. Despite my relentless efforts to reconcile, I find myself grappling with frustration and an inability to envision a future without him. Despite attempts to purge him from my mind, I remain haunted by his absence, feeling compelled to express my longing here.

[@GorgeTracy-d3v]

It's hard to let go of someone you love; I went through a similar experience when my 12-year relationship ended. I tried everything to get him back, and eventually I had to turn to a spiritual counselor for assistance.

[@Hazelsparks-u7y]

Interesting! How did you locate a spiritual counselor, and how can I get in touch with him most effectively?

[@GorgeTracy-d3v]

His name is Father Akunna, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.

[@GorgeTracy-d3v]

he is father akunna, he has great powers, he can help you.

[@Hazelsparks-u7y]

I appreciate you providing this important information; I've just checked Father Akunna online, and wow, he's really genuine. Thank you so much again ❤

[@ZendelAtkinson]

Every relationship experiences challenges, but there is always a way to progress. My marriage was tested by significant problems, but with appropriate help, my wife and I worked through them and strengthened our bond. Solutions are available if you’re ready to put in the effort and work together. Stay hopeful-there’s always a way.

[@BruceKnapp-n4q]

I’m struggling with serious issues in my relationship and can’t bear the thought of losing her. My love and desire to have her back in my life are immense. I’m willing to do whatever it takes and would be very grateful for any guidance or suggestions.

[@ZendelAtkinson]

Parting with someone you love is always a challenging process, but in my experience, I had the guidance of a spiritual guide who prevented my marriage from collapsing. Her name is Suzanne Ann Walters.

[@BruceKnapp-n4q]

Your guidance is valued. I'll immediately seek her out online. Appreciate it. I'm hopeful that implementing this method will also bring me success; I miss her dearly.

[@ZendelAtkinson]

You should... I promise you will not regret it.

[@Yooniejin88]

I’ve never felt such an uneasiness watching a cast member through a screen as I have with Stephen, he literally creeps me out. I also think Monica wanted to get married and felt time was passing quickly so she just accepted what she got 🤷‍♀️

[@chane11ee7]

I thought it was just me who felt that way towards Stephen!

[@amirahamwia6927]

Agreed! I felt bad for really disliking him at first because he was such a “nice” guy, yet as the show went on I realized it was my intuition, and I was like “Ooh. This is why I need to follow my intuition even if I can’t explain it!”

[@itzjdub282]

I thought expecting flowers on vacation is a bit much

[@samwilkinson7669]

I love your videos! I always get you saying your name stuck in my head, it's such a great name!

[@neskebeks]

I loved your comments cause they gave me the chance to reflect on my own choices in life. I tend to forgive men too soon when it comes to their flaws, and I do know it comes from home... I recognized also Monica's pattern and learned from seeing the show... as well as you analyzing it. Thanks.

[@anon4765]

off topic, but could you do some episode on the ultimatum: queer love? i think you’d have a lot to say!! there’s a lot of relationship stuff to talk about. love these videos! thanks for making them!

[@em6153]

+

[@littybritty9983]

Nay

[@Salthavs]

omg yes please

[@byttercandy]

I would love that as well

[@mehoo8]

Cant wait for this one because it didn’t end how I expected it to end but it kinda did lol

[@juliac2687]

Being able to get flowers for someone is not a financial issue. Especially when you’re part of the show. I’m sure the production will pay for it 🙈He was testing her too I think. He’s giving “love me at my worst” energy.

[@MkayKaye]

These are so fun because after I've made my judgements or gotten certain impressions, I've forgotten why. Monica told on herself the whole time. Tons of little micro admissions, where her actions didn't match what she was saying. This show is so wild.

[@meganwilliams7968]

Yay back to back break down of LIB within a week! ❤ signed a fellow mental health therapist who watches your content!

[@ole_moloi]

I have to agree, people who don’t have a filter about very intimate conversations really bother me

[@SweetCarolineBAMBAMBAM]

I genuinely think I would have to move town and start a new life in either of their situations. I'd need a fresh start big time, cause this was an experience just to watch it all

[@darbydaze6611]

Hiii!! Avid watching of your videos here✨ I left a comment on one of your community posts suggesting you cover this season of The Ultimatum + wanted to suggest it here too :) anywaysssss love your channel + would love your take on the red flags, manipulation and gas lighting on this season. Thanks for your consideration🫶

[@kybunnii]

I am ready for this one!!

[@celesteassi2721]

😅 Me too !

[@arispalate]

The married at first sight scene was hilariously messy 😭😭

[@liselautenbacher3847]

8:12 We cannot rule out that the producers brought up these topics with Monica, asking her about it, only to plant insecurities in her mind which would in turn lead to more drama and better reality TV. I loved your take on this, Stephanya!

[@Hilo-gk3ix]

What I love is that “the ick” was popularized by Love Island UK. So to see it make its way into mainstream language is great.

[@TheNunududu]

I was extremely uncomfortable with Stephen before he even left the pods. It felt like he was cosplaying as an emotionally evolved conscientious adult, but the things he was saying were just so goofy.

[@vickinest5766]

Not saying Stephen is a great dude, but it seemed like Monica had such disdain for him.. I agree that they wouldn’t have worked long term, but she was also being so dismissive and rude to him. Like that clip where’s she’s talking about the fireworks, “that was SO romantiiiccccc”

[@ilhuicatlamatini]

I agree completely that Monica had a lot of “looks of disgust” for Stephen 😅. He’s annoying but that’s why I think she should have just broken up with him earlier! I think both of them really just wanted to try and make it work to stay on the show. Do they get paid for this show? Cuz if so then it makes sense why so many try to force things to work when they clearly don’t work as a couple. Regardless, Stephen disgusted me too, I couldn’t stand how vulgar and sexual his talking kept being.

[@onedirectionlover317]

At one point there was a penalty for breaking it off early, I believe? Not sure if that’s true anymore since more couples seem willing to do that. But apparently Hannah had been pressured by producers to stay after she wanted to leave after the reveal, so even if the penalty is no longer there it’s possible there might be external pressures.

[@e8fl3b]

You're right about his statement "You love someone for their flaws" being messed up. I imagine that he subconsciously was asking will he be loved despite his significant flaws OR that he is attracted to unhealthy people or both. I like your observation that Monica is protesting too much that his job and his looks don't matter. I think Stephen has a sexual addiction where love and sex are split off in a person's mind and there is a compulsive, destructive drive

[@EatersFan]

I thought the comment was made so he would sound deep and interesting. Dude seemed to like to talk and thought what he had to say sounded like he pondered over stuff and it was more interesting than it really was.

[@EatersFan]

Most guys can easily and do divorce sex from love and intimacy. Guys can easily have sex and enjoy it and not have much emotional connection to a woman. Some women can too but more often start developing a sense of connection.

[@bshrib72]

I would love to hear about the positive dynamics with the successful couples like Garrett and Taylor! They are one of my favorites in the entire 7 seasons.

[@Magyha1]

I had no hope for them. I was honestly surprised they got engaged. He had too many red flags during the pod dates, and she was not actively listening to him. I bet the producers were so happy they got engaged because anyone could have seen that train wreck a mile away.

[@OldBaySeason]

I know it's too late and you'll probably never see this. But thank you for these videos. As a huge LiB fan, I love watching the recap channels to get second opinions and thoughts. I believe you break it down the best as a therapist. At the end of the day some of these people are characters on a show and others are there for actual marriage. It's great to hear how a person may actually be thinking or acting based on what you've seen and studied in your profession. I can't for season 8.

[@StephAnya]

Seen & much appreciated ♥️

[@mariahking6277]

Please do these kinds of videos for the show “The ultimatum”.

[@RaySWilson]

Thank you for this video Steph! This is the most balance analysis on their relationship I’ve seen so far. I feel like everyone forgot about how both contributed to the fall of their relationship after Stephen’s cheating.

[@spoiledoatmilk]

i feel like 9 times out of 10, if someone mentions getting married as a competition like: “watching all my friends get married”, “i’m going to get married & STAY married”, or even “i dont want to be the last one who isn’t married” etc, their not going to last with their person bc they have their unwavering symbol of a husband on a pedestal

[@kristadiaz9421]

I see alot of myself in Monica where you are willing to give a guy who you know isn't what you normally are attracted to but for whatever reason because you want a relationship you decide to go ahead with it. The problem is the person usually shows you over time why you won't normally go for them over time and you can end up either resenting the person or look at them with contempt. I learnt after my last one your boundaries and standards save you and that person from a world of hurt so yes other people around you in relationships but you aren't and learn to be okay with them because you would be happier fulfilling your standards(once reasonable) than forsaking them.

[@k.morton7283]

Monica just wanted to be chosen and so did Stephen. I didnt think they were compatible at all.

[@bafbaas1210]

Tbh Stephen would totally be the guy i go for, teddy bear, talkative, sorta sweet, hairy etc so i was really trying hoping he would come out of this well. Really dissappointed.

[@lourar.2800]

I learned alot in this video, thank you 😊

[@StephAnya]

Glad it was helpful!

[@missnaturale]

I cant wait for the Tyler and Ashley analysis video

[@maureenhamilton2297]

Self deprecating in tough discussions and refusing to actually own up to how their actions affect other people- it’s giving Rory Gilmore.

[@StephAnya]

Rory 😂😭

[@869ofuncertainty]

😂 Stephen was creepy to me from the get. I'm happy my red flags were correct and you've given me the language to name them.

[@yaritzasoto9729]

Do The Ultimatum next please!!!! Specifically a breakdown of Scotty on the newest season.

[@victoriaennis200]

Can you do a video about the ick? Is this a level of avoidance? What is it that makes someone want to throw another person away based on one "grossed out" moment?

[@Lexichi22]

Monica shut Stephen up and said she couldn't get a word in, but if you're going to say you can't get a word in, you need to have something to say. It was pRoBaBlY eDiTiNg, but she was quiet for like five minutes while he was waiting for her to speak her peace. That irked me.

[@onedirectionlover317]

Had a guy do that to me on a date (not so bluntly, but he cut me off mid-speech and was like "okay, okay, I get it" (and at a SNAIL'S PACE too, GOSH did that man talk slowly - although I do talk quickly, but no one has complained about it in decades lol). And the first time he did have something to say, so okay, fine, but the second time he didn't, and paused for a bit before moving on to what felt like the "next question on his list" (and it didn't flow naturally from the convo). He did NOT ask me on a third date 😂 and I did not mind at all LOL

[@samk2377]

Please PLEASE could you tell us what you think about the cast of the Ultimatum and the premise of the show as well?

[@cheyennemckenzie8493]

I absolutely hate that he said love people for their flaws, and I agree with how you interpreted it. Now, changing it slightly, I do love people for their QUIRKS. If that's what he meant, using flaws instead of quirks is another issue cause then I doubt he actually likes quirks.

[@tinkle2549]

I’m so glad u talked about the “mutt” comment. It seems like others races are always referring us to an animal

[@TAEXven]

Do the ultimatum, there’s so much drama in that show, especially season 3

[@angelofsugarpops]

I remember having a crush on someone who called me a Mutt, I told them that word hurt me and they tried to defend the use of the word 'but thats what you are'. A crush of several years was disolved in an instant. I'm happy today with a partner who understands and equally finds that word disgusting.

[@AmeilaStar]

Are you saving Tyler and Ashley last?

[@ashleynewenle3676]

Worst for last!!😂😂 their story is still going

[@AmeilaStar]

@@ashleynewenle3676I think it’s wrapped up, he abandoned them kids and he can never clean up his character now

[@caatherineaa]

Pleaseeeeee do a video on Tyler and Ashley, especially with the info abt his kids out there.

[@alyssacaitlyn1]

Do you plan on doing a video about the latest season of the ultimatum? Because WOW. I would love to hear what you have to say about it.

[@GroceryIsleVixen]

10:23 I felt like she was trying to convince herself that those things didn’t matter because I also chronically do the same 😬 I have dated a few men in the past where initially I’m not fully attracted to them or their other external qualities but I may fall in love with them anyway or fall into a deep like because I care more about their personality and how they act towards me

[@pmfajardo15]

i truly believe that Monica was never going to say yes at the altar, she seems like she wanted to be in a relationship to continue the show and at the end say no and hopefully end up being seen as the “good one” the one that really tried but it just didn’t work

[@kimberlyfincher2169]

Please make videos on Ultimatum Season 3! ❤

[@redenavari]

The way he said "You really ARE a mutt," and the way she responded to it without a second of pause, to me really felt like he was using a term that had been used before. I feel like something was edited out.

[@Partycitybaex]

Yea people are toooo sensitive

[@neotsotetsi6598]

Hey Steph, please breakdown love never lies South Africa. 🥺

[@BellamyClark-e5o]

I watched this season with a trans friend who considers herself AGP (which CAN be an element of trans identity but is not always and is a distinct thing in itself that cis people experience) and piecing together a lot of little tidbits Steven said about his sexuality, gender, women, and his continued fixation on being “accepted” for his kinks on social media after the show, our theory is potentially that he has some AGP tendencies, which explains a lot. It’s potentially why Monica would never out him for the specific details even though they disturbed her, why he’s so cagey about it despite clearly wishing to be accepted for it, why Monica softened and was sympathetic and wanting to make sure he was alright after the breakup despite being so angry even by the time of the reunion, and also potentially why Steven specifically has a pattern of cheating via fantasy-related DMs with no intention of pursuing anything physical and was concerned about the temptation of DMs he was going to get from viewers rather than anyone approaching him in a bar or something (which is usually what a standard cheater will mention). AGP related kink is something that a lot of people only feel safe exploring in a quasi-anonymous online dynamic in the beginning, and it’s not uncommon for them to do that behind their partner’s back because they’re afraid of experiencing rejection and judgment in their real life, and also feel shame and confusion about the desires in general, so they keep it compartmentalized to a digital fantasy life. It could also explain why he struggles with boundaries when it comes to bringing sex into conversations it doesn’t belong, because the desire can become so pervasive and such an anxiety that it’s always top of mind and a part of you is screaming to express it, but you feel that you can’t and another part of you is screaming to SUPPRESS it instead, so it comes out a different way. BY NO MEANS am I suggesting that Steven is trans, or that people with AGP are always cheaters, or anything like that. Just based on both of our experiences knowing people with AGP there were a lot of signs that he might experience it. If he does, or whatever other desires he’s struggling with, I hope he gets the right help so that he can have healthy and candid relationships in the future. **Also I will note that the existence of AGP is contested by some trans people because it’s unfairly used to malign them and portray transness as something it is not. However I have known people both trans and cis who feel that it fairly accurately describes something they experience, and I take their word that this is something people experience.

[@mammamonssterr]

I want women to not wait even an hour with a man like this, please. You don't need to be with a disgusted face for days. Just dump him. The sooner the better. I don't care about the circumstances. Please 🙏🏻

[@johnymiller7245]

Very interesting, I was wondering one thing, perhaps you can bring some light. For a moment, before Steven clearly started spiralling I thought Monica was sometimes rude with him. Now that I listened to you analysis is it possible her behaviour was a reaction to some stuff or behaviour Steven could have shown off camera? Thanks for the video! ❤

[@LEMATTOFFICIAL]

I think Monica wanted it too bad and sort of knew Stephen was not genuine. Stephen is a smart manipulator. He knows just enough therapy words and knowledge to come off as a 'healed' guy who takes accountability and he uses it to make himself seem like he can be trusted. The truth was ole boy was saying exactly who he was right in her face. I think he should explore therapy and reevaluate his process of creating an image. I think he has the capacity to be a good person but he needs to stop drinking his own kool aid. She wasn't perfect but I feel like at least she was honest about who she was. She needs to stop putting people on pedestals too quick though 😬. Expectations like that won't help see people for who they really are.

[@cherishwashington6986]

also imo i felt she disliked him the second she saw him. i think she wanted to give him a chance, but every time she talked she seemed so annoyed and disgusted.

[@ariannmeredith1743]

Off topic but I really do hope we get a breakdown of the new season of the ultimatum

[@YoliOlivia]

I agree. The connection was quite superficial. I found their constant talk about send and boners evident of that. YUCK!

[@liafrancis7003]

please please do the ultimatum next

[@antoniao7439]

Going to a majority white high school, and being one of two black girls in most of my classes, I heard white people call themselves mutts quite a bit--the ones that had different "white" heritages i.e. "my grandparents on my mum's side are Scottish and my paternal grand parents are Italian and greek' I'm a mutt"

[@embody_safety_with_eva]

Being attracted to flaws... my guess is that it's unresolved codependency where we mistaken pity for love abd try to rescue the person. And then we end up in relationships where we overgive and resent not being treated with respect and effort.