Therapist Explains Why You Don't Feel Anything Anymore... (Alexithymia 101)

[@ayzmahara]

i am speechless, years of therapy not finding an explanation, at least 6 therapist... and in 45 mins you just explained ME to me. OMG thank you.

[@SuperLifestream]

As someone who has suffered from depression for almost 2 decades straight. Its very similar to anhedonia, but different

[@RichFromQueensNY]

He does explain everything perfectly it's almost as if he's suffered through it. But you're only getting an explanation of what you are of what you're feeling won't change anything knowing it. Cognitive behavioral therapy is the best therapy anyone can get and I know you say you've been to 6 therapist that's why you must find one that you can truly open up to never settle. Please look up cognitive behavioral therapy.

[@wafflexboy]

I clicked on a random video that yt recommended and I've never felt more like someone was reading my mind in less than 10 minutes. I'll definitely be checking out more from him!

[@bhicock8958]

Hint: your therapist doesn't want to give you answers. They want you to come back.

[@iRideuWatch]

​@@dfinlen so why did you go to her? She must have been hot. 😃

[@dammitmatt6426]

9:15 REALLY caught my attention. I've noticed time and time again that I put in work and grind and spread myself thin but ultimately succeed when it's someone else's deadline. Work, college, army, if you need me to show up at a certain time and place to do a thing, no problem. But the second it becomes internal and personal, when I set the deadline and it doesn't affect anyone else, I'll put it off forever. I always just thought i was prone to self sacrificing

[@pokejeenios]

Currently experiencing the same thing in the Navy. Very easy to do something when your future is on the line and somebody tells you to do it.

[@olivernagy1805]

This is literally me. I am at school and I'm literally unable to study, but if I have to help others then I would have every time to help them.

[@jennw6809]

Gretchen Rubin in her "Four Tendencies" calls this the Obliger - you keep obligations to others, but not your self. Boy do I know about this

[@JeffCaplan313]

@DerpsCantFly The benefit that the military has are clear chains of command. With the "modern" family, we've lost our clear chains of communication.

[@mobbs6426]

This probably explains a little why I've not been back to my parents in 5 years

[@iamthestormthatisapproaching69]

To be completely honest, I think the root of my problem is the lack of social gathering or purpose to go outside. I'm only out when I have to work, or to go to the bank, or really just shopping. I used to always be the quiet guy at school, here I am only communicating with my co-workers and customers, yet I get stuck on deepening bonds with the people I'm used to talk to. I hardly ever get invited into people's lives and because of this, I cannot express how I feel emotionally. I can't relate to people, but strangely enough, I'm fine with it.

[@cheeseburgerfee8323]

Damn reading your comment felt like i read my own comment

[@instigraph]

Same bro . Same

[@maloneeee1915]

@@cheeseburgerfee8323 same

[@TheAlienOG]

damn I felt that

[@peculiarlystrangelyoddlypa4012]

Just like that is aproximately the 99.99% of the time on here xd

[@BrianneVillano]

The fact that I can be alexithymic to my own emotions but hyperaware and hypervigilant of others' emotions is a real kick in the pants.

[@CoolEtCetera]

I guess because our eyes are facing outward not inward...

[@suzannecossette1879]

I totally agree 👍

[@Lauwit]

Because you learned it

[@ObsessedwithZelda2]

My version was to see others struggling and not want to add to that burden. View myself as the one who could take the hardship better than them so to never seek help (which would harm them) So they can be directly correlated depending how it went for you

[@maddestG1]

Its because your having a combative response to either your environment or to outside influences.

[@Beutimus]

You mentioned 'neglect' and it made me reflect on me growing up. We always had food. My parents were a little strict, but they seemed loving. Then you talked about them being out of the house. For many years of growing up, both of my parents worked, so many times there wasn't an adult to be around. My response was to sort of go into myself, video games, etc. Plus I was a "gifted" kid, so I was shuttled off to another school away from my neighbors. Now I'm the epitome of 'burned out adult' because the only emotions I seem to feel often are fear, frustration, sadness, and boredom.

[@storyaboutmosquitoes9441]

My siblings and I were neglected as well. We fed ourselves as we got older, and my mom got too depressed to cook. My father never did anything, besides fly off the handle.

[@2degucitas]

You were emotionally neglected. Not interacting with others leaves a deep void.

[@annas1197]

I recently read a book called Running on Empty and it discusses childhood emotional neglect and it was very eye opening. I’m in a similar situation as you, have loving parents but they worked a lot, never talked about emotions, were extremely strict and has high expectations that I seemed to never get praise for even if I did well. Fast forward to multiple abusive relationships and I have lost all desire to date and trust but I go through stages of extreme sadness, loneliness and fear of the future alone.

[@coreyroberts47]

That sounds about right

[@schadiel-ghorayeb479]

You ever tried 2 think yourself " fuck it i wanna be happy?" for me it sounds like you dont wanna be happy....

[@Outlawsrevenge1020]

This video really spoke to me. I am a survivor of childhood emotional abuse and I had to learn to ignore my feelings and needs in order to survive. I feel so trapped in my current life and unable to change anything. I have friends constantly asking me why I always look so unhappy and honestly I have no idea what I'm feeling or why I feel it.

[@myfirstseven]

I’m stuck here, too. It’s hard because there is an awareness of a better way to be, but not being able to access it no matter what is tried. Keep fighting, and I hope it gets lighter for you.

[@stinkrat1016]

You both need therapy. Stop talking to people on the internet about it and just go and do it.

[@ethangilbert7305]

My friends at a party: What's wrong? Me: That's a really good question.

[@tracyzimmerman7912]

I feel you. Physical emotional mental and sexual abuse left me not wanting to feel anymore. I learned to escape from reality.

[@franacha]

@@myfirstseven That's a great way to explain it. Word by word. damn life do sucks

[@Devora_Shadowolf]

A big reason I love my video games is simply because there is a clear goal and pathway to it. In life I feel so lost and can't seem to care enough about it to get found. Love the video!

[@Metzli]

Boy would I love a quest marker to point the way in real life xD

[@Devora_Shadowolf]

@@Metzli or even little hints that pop up in the bottom of your vision like "hold LMB to activate quest tracking" lmao

[@ademonsenvy]

@@Metzli bible bro 🤣

[@makaisenki]

​@@MetzliYour next quest is to move in with your parents or someone before your rent doubles or triples in the next 10 years. Or make sure you have enough financial buffer somehow to be able to afford when $800 apartments become 1300 to $2,000 minimum. Any 5% increase year over year is going to be I total of $1,300 with 10% putting you up at 2100. I mean maybe you make over $50,000 and live in a low rent apartment but at that point you have plenty of money to find meaning in life. Just stockpile money and either learn to swing trade which you can do with $100 until you learn how to turn it into $200 and then turn that $200 into 400 and then turn that 400 into 800. It's something I have done fairly reliably even in a bad market on the market sideways I would just wait for the market to crash about 10 11% big red candles and then I would buy and then if I had three solid days of green I would sell I missed some of the moves but in two weeks in a market where everyone's panicking that the market is dead I still made a 50% ROI on $600. I guess out the 900 used it for what I needed it for and then for the most part left the market for a while I was going to come back in the market but my wife make sure I don't have enough money to do that so instead of having tens of thousands of dollars from trading I have pretty much nothing cuz every time I would put in $50 and swing trade it to $100 and cash out $50 for something I wanted my wife would hit my bank account as soon as that money entered my account and use it on b*******. Not even joking. Literally I would have no money in my account for a week and then with the swing trading I was going to get something I wanted with 50 bucks I did the swing trading I what transferred to my account at one or 2:00 in the morning, Go to bed, she was already asleep, And when I woke up at 6:00 the money was already gone. Happened twice and then I just stopped swing trading what's the point if I can't ever make anything off of it. I wanted to buy video game and I figured I would play the stock market to make money for the video game and then take the other $50 and swing trade it until I had a substantial amount of money. My wife apparently would just wake up every morning and immediately look at my bank accounts she wouldn't look at her bank accounts because her bank accounts are always empty she makes sure that no matter how gracious I am to her. I literally bought a safe to put money into the safe that was for me to give to her throughout the month so that she wouldn't be completely broke and wouldn't have any excuse to steal money for me and my credit cards. Within 1 month she had broken the safe trying to bounce it on the bed while jerking the handle because she saw it on KZbin. There was no money in the safe it had already been 3 weeks I'd already doled out her allowance that I was willingly giving her even though she made almost as much money off of disability as I made it my job. She then took it to her dad and instead of her dad getting really pissed at her he helped her cut open the safe to get out any money that was in there. Then they threw away the safe and they asked me why I was digging it out of the trash and I told them because I had to get stuff out of the safe. They said there was nothing in there they already checked and I said no I have my birth certificate and other important documents in the bottom of the safe hidden under a foam mat that came with the safe. But since my wages were only enough to cover rent and have a few hundred dollars anything enough to like pay bills and eat with I was stuck in a relationship where I knew I could never trust the woman I married. And even though I set the bar really low for her somehow she keeps lowering it. Really tragic but hey welcome to America where you get emotional abuse because living on your own is improbable. I know she's bipolar and schizophrenic but she just keeps getting worse. She'll get better for a couple of months give me a little bit of hope and then anytime someone does anything she takes it so personally that she spirals out of control again. And great news all the therapists are not taking new customers in the area. And her last therapist was some 90-year-old woman who didn't really know anything but talking about how great God is. I don't even think her old therapist could have pronounced cognitive behavioral therapy she was pretty much about his qualified in my opinion as the pastor is and many pastors are far better therapists than she was. So yeah. Life is like playing on dark souls where you aren't allowed to use any shields. You better learn how to just knock everything that comes at you out of the way, and move very slowly so that you don't get hit by every single sneak attack that's posted around every third corner. Except a couple times where you get hit back-to-back with sneak attacks. You let your guard down because you just went through and ordeal surely there's no... yep there's something around the next corner that just killed me.

[@makaisenki]

​@@Devora_Shadowolfhere's a hint take your rent multiply it by 1.05. do that over and over again until you cannot cover rent that is how much 5% rent inflation is going to utterly destroy your ability to pay rent. Do the same thing for 1.1 that is 10% inflation. So you have to have enough money that in 10 years you can go from paying $800 in rent to $1,300 rent. Or if it's closer to 10% which it always was for me sometimes even a little above Now you're looking at $2,000 yep most of the jobs in my area don't pay $2,000 and our minimum wage is still $7.25. So your first two quests are getting rid of everyone in your life that thinks that minimum wage shouldn't go up because inflation unless they accept the argument that inflation is going to happen whether the minimum wage goes up or not back to the matter is it has to go up before the country goes bankrupt. It would be better to subsidize wage increases from the minimum wage with the government rather than to have most Americans unable to pay rent in the next 5 years.

[@wintersking4290]

The scariest part is that I can remember a time in my life where anger was like an emotional safety blanket. The only times I ever felt safe where when I was angry or upset about something. It was like I knew every other emotion could be taken away at any time and I was afraid and so that was all I had left.

[@iainmaclean4872]

hmm, i remember when i used to get really angry a lot. and that sucked. so instead i became sad, since it's not as physically destructive. and i got damn good at turning anger into sadness. but now it's like what you said, it seems like it's all I've got left.

[@wintersking4290]

@@iainmaclean4872 it can get better. You have to slow down and start thinking about what you actually want and what makes you happy. Then take steps to do those things, even the smallest steps will start to move your emotions in the other direction. At least that's what happened for me. I had to feel like I had built a safe and secure life and then it was ok to feel and my anxiety was weakened enough to fight it off and win. A lot of it is really fear, but we don't like to admit being afraid so we get angry and then hold that anger close like a shield.

[@avertingapathy3052]

Peter Levine's somatic experiencing safety tips help. I miss the anger. I think our society and Dr. K are too cucked on this. Often enough it is righteous and appropriate and gets pathologized until you get treated for depression or high blood pressure or another conversion disorder. "You see here are tools, kids to gaslight yourself ahem fix your cognitive biases."

[@wintersking4290]

@@avertingapathy3052 righteous anger is good when directed correctly. But that isn't what I was talking about. I was very close to becoming a murderer or taking other awful actions because my heart was filled with hatred for both myself and others and fear of losing the little bit I had. Instead of doing anything constructive, I lashed out more and more until I couldn't really sink any lower without actually committing crimes and going to prison. It would have been really nice to understand where the anger I felt was coming from a lot earlier. I didn't end up doing anything that bad, just got into some fist fights, but it could have been sooo much worse with only the slightest push. All because I didn't know how to deal with it. I agree that he's a little too soft and his liberal politics are obviously complete garbage. But there is still some truth in the science of how the brain works and such. Even a flawed source is more useful than none.

[@AhantZzzz]

Hey thank you for this statement. I'm not saying it cured my general incapacity, but somewhere, way out past my explored cerebral horizons and out past the unknown low hum that I haven't audibly heard for 30 years, tucked down in the back of my brain lessions, I needed this perspective.

[@juliusnovachrono4370]

As someone who often feels emotionless, this is very helpful and explains a lot.

[@curtisking8393]

@@eugchima2825 I got one of these. It's helped already and I've only got ot

[@bapbirb]

I don't know what it means to be emotionless.. like I feel numb and distant all the time. But I also feel intense sense of helplessness and longing for past.

[@schadenfroh9809]

@@eugchima2825 im intrigued, could you explain how it helps?

[@UmbraVolpes]

@@bapbirb that sounds more towards depression friend

[@ProjectileGrommet]

@unknown_ alexithymia isn’t emotionlessness, it’s a communication disorder with respect to translating emotions to those around you. Don’t get it twisted

[@beans9288]

Thank you so much. I’ve written this in diaries and such countless times - I describe it as ‘second hand emotion’, where I know what I’m meant to feel, I just… don’t. Thank you so so so much man.

[@michaelgarrow3239]

You don’t have to feel the 2nd hand -that is just what you’re told to feel. FTW

[@Kil408]

The most clear thing that happened to me recently was getting my college acceptance letters. When I got them, I felt nothing. I knew I was supposed to be happy, but it was just nothing. It was only when my parents walked in the room and got excited that I felt happy, and I’m not even sure if I was happy for myself or happy for them being happy for me. “Second-hand” is the perfect way to describe it.

[@beans9288]

@@Kil408 Exactly! I only act the emotion when I’m around other people. Even when I’m watching funny videos from my favourite people I usually sit there with a straight face… I know it’s funny and I don’t _dislike_ the content but I don’t feel any need to react unless someone else is there. Just like you said there. Congrats on the college acceptance though!

[@vanessahollenbach85]

I can feel other's emotions very deeply, to the extent that it haunts me months later...ask me how I'm feeling, and it's like I'd rather fall on a sword

This happens all the time to me too, and i had no idea what it could be. Watching this video and reading the comments finally make me feel understood.

[@jackEXR]

Why the hell is this thing not talked about more? I'm a woman, and I never ever checked out all the criteria of something before this. All those years of wondering what is my deal and why am I just going with the flow when everyone around me seem to be motivated for something, why I cannot genuinely explain how anything affects me. Blaming it on pure laziness and lack of discipline and beating myself up over and over and no specialist even brought up that was a thing? That's insane. This is the first time in my life ever since I got out of the worse of my depression at around 18-19 that something finally explains something. I'm 28 now this answer was long overdue so thank you for this! I can finally move forward with somewhat of an idea instead of walking aimlessly thinking I'm just a shit person.

[@Dodanos1]

Fkin hell thats sad to hear.

[@Ketsur0n]

Hope you get better

[@mamzellenoodolls2512]

Similar experience to yours! It's so frustrating going through years of therapy and not having a single professional mention and explore Alexithymia and the problems it can cause. I first stumbled upon it while researching ADHD and ASD a couple of years ago, while trying to understand myself better. And I have brought it up to my psychiatrist, but not much help or information has been shared about this subject (or about ADHD and ASD for that matter) from them. I guess it's the curse of having "man disorders" when you're a "woman" or "brought up as a woman". Since it's often overlooked and understudied in "women", l guess we're more likely to fly under the radar, get diagnosed with a few wrong stereotypical "woman disorders", thus leading to lack of true help and progression because we're not treating/handling the right thing. Glad to have stumbled upon this video which so accurately described what I have been, and still go, through. But also damn it I hope the health system gets their act together more so that there can be less lives wasted.

[@trevorstith3044]

I'm 28 and Also just learned about this 😂

[@ohgeezrick2019]

27, same boat as you. Wondering why I’ve never had the motivation or passion for things that everyone around me seems to have. Working on a degree now not out of passion or interest so much as it’s just the thing I felt I needed to do at this point in life as not to “fall behind” I guess. Normally I’d be glad to hear that I’m not the only one like this, but it really sucks so I’m pretty bummed to hear it affects so many people.

[@NLTops]

Diagnosed with ADHD at like age 6, with Asperger at age 16. I wouldn't say I don't feel anything. It's just that at some point in my life I had a strong need to disconnect my feelings from the outside world and that required segregation. The need originates from being affected too much by what others did and said. So I dug a moat and built a drawbridge that I lift whenever someone makes me feel emotionally unsafe. This allows me to prevent being emotionally manipulated or severely hurt by others. But a side-effect is that the rest of my life is more comfortable/less painful when the draw bridge is up, so at some point I subconsciously transitioned from the draw bridge being down unless there's anticipated danger...to the draw bridge being up unless there's something I really want to connect to. And so a self-defense mechanism became a weakness. But the root cause isn't that I don't feel anything. It's that I am afraid of my emotions being at the whim of other people. And that fear is never going to go away. I have experienced the painful proof that I always need a plan B instead of wholeheartedly creating a dependency on others. That's the core of my Avoidant personality. They can't hurt me if my dependency is symbolic. We agreed to meet but you don't show up? That's fine, I had a plan B before I even agreed to meeting up.

[@amnbvcxz8650]

Very relatable. I am an extremely sensitive person and things others can move on from bring me a lot of emotional pain. When i relate to others, i am always left at their whim and feel weak, incapable of managing my negative emotions. also some of my family treated me very badly as a kid/teen, as well as i was mistreated by peers often. Due to poor boundaries and being weak I attracted a lot of people who wanted to hurt someone to take out their pain. I can’t trust someone, and it takes a lot of internal doubting and fighting to allow a budding attachment to someone to develop, but somehow i always pick the worst people to attach to who bring only pain and mistreatment. I am cursed not to be loved 😂

[@NLTops]

@@amnbvcxz8650 It's a stupid cliché, but you just need to find the right people. They'll still hurt you now and then, but they won't do it intentionally or with malice. I have a couple of close friends, though by other people's definition it might not be that close. I also can't really say I move on from my pain a lot. My longest relationship lasted 6,5 years and ended...7 years ago. And I'm still coping. It's just an amount of pain I dunno if any amount of happiness is worth going through that again. So I haven't felt any incentive to try. And similarly to you, both my parents are nuts in their own way and it wasn't a stable childhood.

[@Wintr66]

This reminds me very much of myself, I also have ADHD as well as Autism and my biggest problem is a negative inner personality that never gives me anything breathing space as well as tying into what the video is about it makes life a constant nightmare 😑

[@NLTops]

@@Wintr66 I wouldn't think of myself as having a negative inner personality. If anything I'm very resilient and like to focus on the positive however small that may be. It sounds contradicting, but I'm both very self-critical and very forgiving. I.e. I judge myself harshly but I like who I am and accept my limitations. My comment is more related to my proximal cause for being capable of putting my emotions on mute, and how that contrasts with the video. I grew up in a rather unstable home, so I developed a mechanism to safeguard my inner self. But it's such an effective tool that I have to be careful when I use it. It could literally be the apocalypse and I could turn a switch and I would be able to just carry on as best as I can. But if I use it any time I'm not actually being manipulated... it just means I'm ignoring my own naturally-invoked emotions. Personally I'm fine with that at times. Because my emotions are just a feedback system to me. My cognitive will can either agree or disagree with my emotional state. I like it that way. But there is a double-edged sword quality to being capable of that. Another difference between us is that I draw very clear lines between "things within my control" and "things outside my control". My default state is that there is no point agonizing over the latter. I just have to make it work the best I can with the former, and accept the latter. My own fatigue and stress levels by the way, are outside of my control. If I need rest, I need rest. Hope that gives you some insights into the things you're struggling with and how I approach them.

[@KCeci]

thank you for articulating so clearly. This reasonates

[@SolarJakee]

Pleeeeease Dr K do a video on depersonalisation/derealisation. I think it's one of the least talked about but most common and most horrific conditions to deal with. I've also heard it referred to as "the dark side of enlightenment", which really rings true to me as someone who's suffered from it for many years. It's like your sense of self and ego disappears entirely, but involuntarily so you're left in a state of flailing around, frantically searching your mind and the world for any sense of meaning and identity. It's like seeing the void of nothingness/oneness when you aren't ready so you get completely overwhelmed and consumed by fear and emptyness. I've been in this state for over 15 years and still searching for a way to deal with it or to escape/accept it. Hearing your or anyone else's perspective on this would mean a lot.

[@edemontfort9482]

I would also like to hear a video about that subject because that's exactly how I feel but couldn't put my finger on it until now. I have a feeling that this condition you describe develops after having had cold, aloof, or narcissistic parents or partners. How to come out of it is the question.

[@SolarJakee]

@@edemontfort9482 I kinda had the opposite to you in the form of a very smothering mother (though I think the end result is often similar). with a fair amount of bullying at school and severe lack of confidence and self esteem issues growing up. I do wonder what, if any, are the common denominators amongst people who have this condition.

[@freecaste]

Get the book "The Haunted Self - Structural Dissociation and the Treatment of Chronic Traumatization" and read it cover-to-cover. This book was key to educating myself about the condition and its attributes. D/D is your mind providing a tactical withdrawal when faced with overwhelmingly intolerable stimuli and situations. So long as your situation remains intolerable, then you will stay blasted out. A tricky nuance is that your stimuli may have passed or resolved already, but your mind/body is still traumatized and thinks it is still permanently under duress, when it isn't. It is important to identify that stimuli/stressor and either (if it's still around) resolve it or (if it has passed) heal the trauma it left inside you. I dissociated at the age of 12 and achieved final fusion at 28. I had an alter who was specifically born to deal with all manner of trouble, threat, adversaries, and violence. After many years those antagonisms had passed or resolved, and I could then focus on healing.

[@pheonixrises11]

I really thought I was enlightened or something in middle school, but I was just detatched from the world. I lived calmly and peacefully because my emotions were shut away. As my life got better and more stable, I’ve been struck with unfamiliar emotions that make me feel less mature than I was then, even though the opposite is true. I just didn’t have to deal with these big emotions back then, and now I have to figure out what they mean.

[@SolarJakee]

@@freecaste Thanks I will order the book. What do you mean by "an alter"? Not sure if that's a typo or something I don't understand...

[@josephjohnphillips2535]

I've been journaling for a few months now but only in the last few weeks did I download the emotion wheel and now at the top of my journal I write down the emotions I'm feeling. Even during work, I will take a moment to feel my emotions and write them down. Being in tune with your emotions, good and bad, will let you build emotional maturity. If you feel sad and you cry, you will feel better after. If you feel sad and you bury it and don't feel it, you build up that sadness within you and slowly get more and more depressed. Emotions also tell you what you need. If you feel lonely, you need connection. If you feel sad, you need to cry. If you feel shame, you need self compassion. If you're angry, you need to check your personal boundaries. I hope this helps someone out there! It's helping me heal, even if it can feel uncomfortable at times (I used to use drugs and alcohol a lot which would numb my emotions).

[@sammykrich]

That’s a fantastic idea. Going to do the same and put the wheel in my journal. Thank you for sharing!

[@submarooo4319]

Great idea! I usually set time for myself to just think in a secluded area with no distractions by myself, including reflecting on myself. Like shower thoughts but not in the shower.

[@josephjohnphillips2535]

It's also good to rate the intensity of your emotions from 1-10 to be get even more in tune with your emotions.

[@reisatsuki5891]

Hi, can I ask where did you get the emotion wheel you're referring to?

[@dkkali120]

Thank you for this

[@camk3160]

As an autistic person, your videos have helped me grow leaps and bounds in emotional understanding. The people around me never really described these things in helpful ways, so I've struggled with it for a long time. Your videos are really helpful, thank you

[@emilyb5557]

❤

[@bubbleteabeatboxx]

Same!! I'm autistic as well, hello :)

[@prapanthebachelorette6803]

Hi fellas 😊

[@Rose_Harmonic]

I resemble that remark! This guy over here cleansing us of our emotional and social debuffs and turning us into the most OP people there are.

[@TDGCmote]

this is me too

[@alicel.already2907]

Im 18 years old, Ive been to so many child psychologist and then later other therapists, not knowing what was going on being unable to explain anything that I was feeling, developing addictions going to rehab still not knowing what's going and you just make a 45 minute video that has now for the first time in my entire life made me understand a part of what's going on. Thanks man, and a lil bit of thanks to the YT algorithm for recommending me this video

[@REChronic54]

“It can be caused by controlling or neglectful parents.” Great! I had both 🙃 I couldn’t show anger, sadness, hell I couldn’t even give my own opinion for fear of a perceived slight. I was often told that my ventures were gonna fail and so I’ve operated for the longest time on my parents wishes; and I’ve burned out from that too. Idk what’s worse, the emptiness from when I did follow my parents wishes or currently when I no longer have any type of purpose.

[@AgentST33L1X]

I feel exactly this too growing up, and right now feeling more intensely than before as I'm trying to get things in motion to move out (with not much success/ going slowly) and be out from their conflicts and control. How did you deal with the moving out portion and currently deal with the emptiness and confusion?

[@13RedCorpse]

This period can be temporary. Actually you burning out just means that you can no longer live the way you lived before..Which was a self-neglective way (I suppose). Now is the hardest part. Before you will be able to have any "Your own" purpose, you need to get acquainted with yourself. At first - understand and not turn back from your feelings. Second - give a value to you desires, even the smallest ones, at least admit that you have hem. And then with time you'll start seeing the progress. But follow these steps not for the purpose of having a reason to live in someone else`s eyes, not to prove something to someone or even yourself. Remember that the main goal here - providing yourself with a feeling that it is ok to be you, that it is ok to feel, ok to have desires. I can't promise that this will 100% work, of course. I don't know your situation. But I believe that it is a direction worth trying.

[@nunothedude]

Same

[@kadavr314]

What worked for me a little was to be *brutally honest with myself* ; I've always been that quiet kid that gave no problems at home. So, I was having a pretty bad day (those ""end-times"" days if you know what I mean) at Uni, and I was very sad and angry at the same time. But instead of crying more, I snapped at the absurdity of the situation: Why stop living just for a grade? This train of thought made me realize I didnt had a strong *inner voice*. Let me explain it more; I just continued to apply the concept : lets be brutally honest... - Do you really believe in God (as in religion)? No. - Do you like this career? No. - Do you like doing X? Yes. - But do you like this other Y? Not so much because of Z. - Clothing, friends, life, etc....? This *freed myself* of some baggage that got me stuck in that "alive but dead, spectating" mode; for the first time in a long time I can say that I wear the clothes that I want, for example. This, plus with taking life not so serious as before (walking more slowly, breathing, or just accepting that nobody cares if you are a little "weird") nearly destroyed my anxiety. Of course, its only a small part of the puzzle. I started to read more books about trauma and neglect, and its true that the phase after this is full of *RAGE* , because you start to acknowledge all the pain and loneliness that you had to endure. Just my 2 cents.

[@REChronic54]

@@AgentST33L1X Dude trust me, you are way far ahead than I am. After a lot of downturns I am just now trying to get back on my feet again lol So the only thing I can say is to push yourself to do one thing. I found that a balance of pushing myself and taking a step back is good since the problem is a lack of motivation. Whether that be forcing myself to read a book or take a new job. Try to just do things and then reflect on how it makes you feel or if you can derive some value from it. As for moving out, try to keep a strong hold of why you want to move out. I don’t know what your circumstances are, maybe you’re doing everything yourself w/o much guidance from your parents so try to keep that bit of motivation alive. And do not catastrophize. Idk if this helped much, but I wish you the best.

[@unionunicorn6776]

I'm a woman and I can really really relate to this, especially the parts about feeling aimless and unable to find purpose in my life or have drive towards goals. I feel like I used to be more motivated in my past, but I've dealt with so much hurt and rejection and failure that I've been knocked down what feels like 1000 times and I am just at a point where I don't feel like I have much fight in me anymore. Thank you for explaining all this!

[@laurarao603]

I feel the same way. I'm going to be 55 this year. It truly wears on you when you been through so much pain and disappointment. It's an awful way to feel. 😪

[@Portia620]

Are used to be super motivated, and after the last three years of dealing with so much stress, kind of fries and you can’t lose that motivation. Add health issues after divorce to a narc and your happy being alone never dating! I keep trying because I’d like to have a partner but I’m just dead inside I think? 🤦‍♀️. I’m happy but I just don’t know where to go.??? At 40 something trying to start over again it’s strange when others are retiring, and I’m just now getting into a career because my ex worked for my father’s company nobody gave me handouts. Nobody gave me a foot up. I went to college first generation. My father didn’t go to college. I worked hard I got my degree but that didn’t help me. I have such a work gap. Starting all over when my ex got those cars everything just you know narcissistic abuse is hard to explain but anyway it’s difficult to start all over so I can understand why people feel nothing because that’s how I felt out of my marriage and I’m better now thank God, but I think enormous amounts of stress physically from autoimmune, along with being married to a very deep dark ConMan can really throw you into a complex PTSD.! Thank God I had the Lord and I never went to church, but I have a close, spiritual connection. That’s all I had in I picked myself up. Dang trying to date is difficult. Everybody throat is red flags. And purpose in my life. Oh, I have no idea what that is anymore😂

[@Lyrielonwind]

I think is learned helplessness. I get your point. I feel the same.

[@isaacjacobs4397]

Im 31 and trying to fix my problems, we can do this.

[@Techischannel]

Funfact: This is what taming is, you hurt something or someone so much both physically and mentally that thier fight is just gone. The more humane alternative is called domestication. :)

[@wanderingrandomer]

I always used to hate questions like "What do you wanna do in 5 years?". How should I know, so much can change between then and now, what's the point in planning? Maybe that's just an excuse, because in truth, I can barely look past the next month most times. At my job, people say things like "You're competent, you can really move up in this company/progress your career" or try to give me more responsibility and hours, and I wanna say "Dude, I'm just vibing. I'm just glad to have a job at the moment, can you just leave me be?"

[@ThatOneNiceGuy9001]

Same here man, then every now and then i'll reflect on myself and think "what am i doing? i'm not happy and i need to change something" and the next day it's back to drifting through life.

[@CrescentUmbreon]

I think I'm just finally coming to terms with some life desires, like helping people, or building something artistically, but then I run into the real life roadblocks of feasibility or lack of awareness at opportunities. All I can really say is that I want to have a good life with my friends and family, so maybe that'll motivate me to do harder jobs and advance somehow. But I still don't know what I internally "want" to do.

[@blubblurb]

Dude, you described exactly my situation.

[@mrs.quills7061]

I despise those questions too because they feel like entrapment to me… it’s like they wanna test your loyalty but if the last few years have shown us anything it’s that anything can change drastically in a short period of time.

[@spigney4623]

YES same. Im surviving not planning.

[@Managementsheltontactical]

ASD with Alexythimia and ASPD traits combined with lifetime of chronic bullying and just a general lack of bonding to even people that treat me good is quite an experience.

[@lisalasers]

it is.

[@jennw6809]

For some of us, because we had to shut off our feelings before we even remember (before age 3) we have no idea we weren't feeling our feelings (especially since we do have *some* sense we are upset, unfulfilled, depressed, etc). We've been going through life this way not knowing there were deep feelings underneath. Especially if our parents were like this too.

[@hitzoneproductions7858]

Great Point!

[@buckslayer5612]

Fs or we only have a couple

[@jennw6809]

@@buckslayer5612 yup, I feel some emotions, but I'm sort of red-green color blind for others???

[@volkdemon872]

I had to go through this same thing. It leaves you damaged in ways that's extremely difficult to repair

[@jennw6809]

@@volkdemon872 I completely agree. Fearful-avoidant attachment is so difficult to work with. I wish you well, friend.

[@pejakwopes954]

Never felt prolonged numbness or aimless inside, but all your symptoms are spot on. Then I remembered that I've been told explicitly since childhood that my thoughts and feelings are irrelevant/inappropriate. I promised myself that although I was forced to keep my emotions to myself, I'd work hard to keep my heart alive. But I never learned how to share it with other people, and even 20 years later the thought of doing so is terrifying.

[@kovenmaitreya7184]

Yup, this is me as well. Even now in social situations, the thought of intimacy is vividly terrifying 😞

[@ca-ke9493]

@@maynot hello!! U are not alone. I feel similarly, I push everyone away and I struggled to find friends to fulfill my needs or even take responsibility for my own needs. It's like I'm missing a mirror on myself and everytime someone asks my opinion on things it's either I dunno or if I do it gets rejected and messed up

[@daltooinewestwood6380]

I was starting to think I might be a sociopath, but this answers every question I’ve had about why I am the way I am

[@Mr1998Brandonify]

I am dumb struck after finding this channel that questions I’ve sought answers to for years are being answered one video after another. 45 mins of succinct, relatable and encouraging info.

[@shara1979]

I literally have to fake emotions around other ppl, a lot of acting. Like, act excited to see someone, or like I miss them, or act sad in situations where I'm supposed to be sad, like funerals, I even have to act Angry, when someone does something wrong to me. If I do manage to get upset or angry, (it's actually more like being offended, than anger), like, if someone screws me over, it passes so quickly, then after I have to keep faking anger & upset ness to get my point across, even tho I'm not actually feeling it. But I have to do it, so the person doesn't screw me over again. It's exhausting. I'm always exhausted being around ppl bc of my anxiety, & masking; this is just another hurdle to add to my exhaustion. Nobody knows this about me, I haven't told anyone in my life that I no longer am feeling any emotions. I've tried a few times in the past, but wasn't believed, or dismissed. And I assume, if I was to b believed, everyone would think I'm mean or cold or an asshole. I'm still good to ppl, bc I used to feel emotions, & I know how it feels to b hurt, even tho I don't hurt anymore. But I've been concerned for many years now, bc I used to b overly emotional, until these past ten years.

[@shara1979]

One thing that's extremely difficult for me, is comforting ppl when they're upset or crying, it makes me so uncomfortable & awkward, I freak out.

[@GhostSamaritan]

​@@shara1979I'm exactly the same. You don't happen to be on the spectrum?

[@denkikaminari3128]

yeah I have the same problem. I never felt happiness when someone gave me a gift, never missed my friends or relatives, never felt sad about sad things. but I always need to act and im doing it too much. it exhausting

[@kakimotoK20]

Similar but not to that extent. What’s oddly similar is that you say you use to be overly emotional. That was me but I suppressed it as a child and young adult to a point I don’t feel ever. I took an online test to see if im a sociopath lol I’m not but feel like one sometimes. LSD would probably put me in the right place but idk where to get it and don’t want to do drugs anymore

[@shara1979]

It's is very exhausting, yes. I avoid ppl every chance I get. And I like being alone, tho ppl don't believe that either. Lol. I avoid socializing, I hear my cellphone ring, & my insides twist, & I can't breathe, almost a panic attack. Thank God for texting.

[@disklamer]

When people say: "be emotionally available", they never mention how people have to reach out in order to build trust and make that connection. It is always : be available, and ignore that this only works with people who provide positive emotions, and not the insensitive hyper lot that has been bugging us our whole life already, telling us to smile more, just do it, don’t take it so hard, stop whining, don't be a wimp, and bury those emotions deep so you can play along with our peer-pressure powered social exploitation game. It’s like vampires telling you to show your neck. Emotionally available? To who? this lot? Note how the fault is always projected on the individual, instead of realizing that the social fabric should allow for different individuals who may or may not subscribe to some bubblemind idea of what we all should be like. It is an exclusionary, accusatory and isolating mindset, it is an abusive way to talk to people. I call it emotional totalitarianism because we are not allowed to be unsure about how we feel, but have to fall in and say yessir and be all perky and uppity and available and engaged. To heck with it.

[@geryz7549]

Toxic positivity. Hate it.

[@PhotoJeticPoet]

Honestly I've been forcing myself to "be positive" and "open" but I feel exactly how you feel. What's the point when people suck.

[@amnbvcxz8650]

You’re projecting

[@disklamer]

@@amnbvcxz8650 ur*

[@VaronPlateando]

the very ones (in particular xx.s) calling for emotional availability | opening (in gents) can be expected to later weaponise against whoever followed upon this, in citing what was granted, if found suitable to formers’ gain. I guess we know enough now.

[@richiecook2305]

You just saved me years of therapy trying to understand the "why" I can't express my inner feelings. Thank you!!

[@gideonator6]

i knew for the longest time that the constant rejection and disvaluing of my emotions throughout my childhood wasn't good, but was unable to really understand the real repercussions. for the first time in a while I feel very validated in how I conduct myself, thank you

[@aparna12242]

I could check all the boxes EXCEPT the one about not feeling emotions. I feel anger, sadness, guilt..basically all the negative ones but I DON'T really feel happiness all that much. Sometimes I'd have something to look forward to that I know would make me happy but when that moment comes or when I finally get that thing I wanted for soo long.. I feel numb. Nothing. I am unable to feel happy and that makes me very confused. "This was supposed to make me feel happy but I feel nothing at all" It's depressing. I want to feel all these positive emotions the same way as the negative ones. Dr.K, does this still mean I could have Alexithymia?

[@tirone7520]

this is exactly like me

[@overPowerPenguin]

"I finally get that thing I wanted for soo long" that's quite normal, as it happens to desire and imagine a thing in your head for long time but in the end to discover it doesn't make sense in practice. I think many people experience the same thing at least sometime in life. "This was supposed to make me feel happy but I feel nothing at all", or not. It is what it is. Maybe there's something else that makes you happy, that's not present in the mainstream life and it's a niche thing. Whatever, seeking for happiness would not bring you happiness at all, only a big disappointing at the end. Got to try to exercise this feeling at every little step toward to a goal and bring attention to little details of the life.

[@jennywarren]

Same. Do you think it's a defense mechanism?

[@Kokose]

It doesn't feel like it. I'm autistic with alexithymia and I am colourblind to all emotions, not just sadness. It's confusing, I am not able to make a distinction between emotions. Everything always feels the same. Comparisons make it easier to understand. I can say ''i feel bad'' or ''i feel good'' but I don't understand the difference between feeling overly excited and angry. It feels the same way to me. Physical signs are the same.

[@aparna12242]

@@Kokose Well Autism is a completely different subject. I am certain I am not autistic but I am 99% sure I have ADHD. I was also diagnosed with Generalised anxiety disorder and borderline depression. My query was more in terms of ADHD and alexithymia since Dr.K had mentioned how they can manifest in many different ways.

[@brookesdaze]

Clicked in this knowing this was a condition that on principle I did feel drawn to. Then I just started crying. I've been having such a hard time and I think it really helped to hear reasons previously beyond my understanding

[@health.is.wealth.]

Feel for you bro

[@john-doe842]

this

[@nnglnd]

I hope you get through it.

[@MrSpankyxiv]

Dee dee. 🤔

[@ShadowreignGaming]

I think it is really important to realize that Alexithymia is more of a symptom than a root cause within an individual. Our culture is pushing us more and more to suppress and avoid things. Not just the way we're taught to think and see the world and others, but we also have to force ourselves to perform day in, day out for extensive periods at work and in social situations. We're expected to act a certain way in a variety of situations, and if we don't, we often experience a variety of subtle social rejections, punishments or negative reactions that make things worse for us. This drives us to more distracting and avoidant activities - while an effective short-term and decent recreational activity, over the long-term leaves many emotions and experiences unresolved, only to become worse over time. As this becomes worse, the weight of the suppressed emotion often results in more severe symptoms as our bodies and brains try and push us to deal with those emotions. The key to everything is moving back towards who and what we are in any given time, feeling how we feel and expressing what we need to express safely, which is partly what this video goes into. Forcing things within ourselves less, controlling ourselves less, but of course that is easier said than done when we have to enter the mentioned situations in such a culture.

[@ladollyvita333]

I relate to this so much. And I think it transfers to the body too. I have a HUGE threshold for pain and discomfort and I think it’s bc I’m often unaware that I’m sick or in pain until it’s super obvious - whereas my family members know when they’re unwell, right away.

[@sketchingtophat9661]

Dear god you are truly one of the most important people I’ve had the pleasure to come across on the internet. The liberation gained from this video alone has been awe-inspiring.

[@Jrpyify]

No idea if this qualifies, but I generally have one of two emotions: comfortable and uncomfortable. They aren't useful as a guide for what's going on in life.. am I uncomfortable with a person because I like them or because I don't? Am I comfortable in a job because it's good for me or because I'm stagnating? I can't tell. I have to do like... a pros/cons analysis on paper. People who are able to just "feel" stuff like this, to me, have a superpower.

[@anniestumpy9918]

It's very similar for me, I felt comfortable (more rarely) or uncomfortable (more often)! I usually kind of "make stuff up" when I'm asked about my feelings and tell what I think would be appropriate in the respective situation from what I've read in books and other sources. I'm only starting to realize that this is not the normal way to address feelings.

[@duaneediger2234]

You can dare yourself to "try on" a feeling and act it out with words, facial expression, physicality. You may find that it resonates with some knotted and opaque histories. Awareness of exactly what is resonating and why in that moment may be less important than discovering that you needed to give voice to it in pursuit of your healing. Some of this is best done with a partner who knows how to build your confidence and thus facilitate success in your liberating experiments.

[@2poor4therapy51]

YOO I FEEL THE SAME WAY!!! Thanks for putting this into words

[@GreenGnoblin]

same here. I have a really hard time relating with people because when they describe their emotions I have no idea what they are talking. I mean, I don't feel it so I can't relate. As I grow up I acquire experiences where I learn what it feels good and what it feels bad, but it is not because I actually feel that, is because I think with logic and save this data in my mind where this leads to that, and if you do this then that other thing will happened. The emotion itself I don't feel it, but I recognise that it has a bad effect. For example. A friends tell me that their cat is gone. It has been days and it has not come back home. They feel despair and sadness because they love the cat. While they tell me about this I do not know what they are feeling, I can't relate, but I know is bad. I know that losing your cat is bad because: - you see your pet as part of your family and you have positive feelings for it - it gives you company - when they are with their cat they feel good. They also feel that the cat has affection for them Etc, etc, etc. So I don't actually relate to their feelings, but I know this will give them negative effects, giving me the information that they are feeling bad.

[@septanine5936]

same. never new how to put it but you defined it perfectly

[@Universaltruthprevails]

The fact this showed up in my recommended videos is very telling of what Google/KZbin knows about me. Not even just what I say or type, but the AI actually able to categorize what kind of person I am to either help or make it worst is truly scary.

[@duaneediger2234]

Remember, alexithymia is normative in men. Imagine what we might accomplish as we support one another to break its shackles!

[@Universaltruthprevails]

@James Saunders Id like to kindly request the drug/s you have been using lately. Asking for a friend

[@simonlinser8286]

true dat, broseph, true dat

[@foreverNwonder]

@@Universaltruthprevails this was a very entertaining comment section 😂

[@Universaltruthprevails]

@James Saunders bro after seeing how chatGPT is taking over the world. I'm listening now, but still give me the drugs you got ill take it.

[@Anonymus-ih7yb]

I just called it being dead inside.

[@chesterlestrange7725]

@Thegingerbreadm4n eww

[@chesterlestrange7725]

@Thegingerbreadm4n nope. I see what people are like when they let nihilism take control and have the wherewithal to be proactive about preventing it. I make sure I keep gratitude at the front of my mind.

[@chesterlestrange7725]

@Thegingerbreadm4n I'm a judge of whatever I see and hear. Expressing my opinion on a public forum is not harassment. You seem to be trapped in a perpetual victimhood mindset.

[@chesterlestrange7725]

@Thegingerbreadm4n nope, everyone judges everything and everyone. It's very natural.

[@chesterlestrange7725]

@Thegingerbreadm4n attacking? No. Pointing out flaws one should work on isnt an attack. There's that perpetual victimhood again.

[@jackcoffey8102]

I've been talking to a therapist recently and I've been struggling to accurately describe what feels wrong. It's either "let me rant incoherently for 50 mins about all the things that bother me" or I get choice paralysis and clamp shut. This video really helps

[@kdandsheela]

I think I might have situational Alexithymia. I'm autistic and because of the hypercritical reaction my parents had to my autistic traits I was taught to always be hyper aware of my social interactions and suppress anything that someone might see as socially undesirable. I would often be given negative feedback after things like family events and holidays on my "performance" and would take it to heart, even if the reasoning seemed nonsensical. This grew into behaviors of people pleasing even when with strangers and not noticing when and how someone made me uncomfortable because I was too focused on making the "correct" and agreeable social move. We really need to move towards acceptance of autistic traits because the interpersonal and societal pressure on autistic people to mask and people please in order to earn an once of social acceptance literally puts them in dangerous positions when interacting with unsafe people.

[@raymondcarter9810]

I'm not autistic or have traits, I don't think, but I'm glad you opened up. I don't have kids yet, but if I do; I hope to avoid what your parents did. I wish you the best!

[@kevinm.n.5158]

Wow the second half of this just completely perfectly described me, even the first part in a way. I've had this exact same thought process and I thought I was wrong

[@Lightenin]

I'm sorry to hear that you were expected to perform a certain way to be accepted. What a horrible thing to do to someone. Hope you are doing well!

[@DeSch0ft]

I've felt like this, still feel like this sometimes. After I lost everything, my job, my girlfriend, my bestfriend due to suicide, I stopped doing anything for 2 years. I stayed in the house for 2 years, no sunlight, not seeing anyone. I was done with the world, I was done with myself. I couldn't feel anything anymore and the things that would make me happy before couldn't cheer me up as well. I was drinking everyday and did drugs because it felt like I could feel something again whether it was happiness, sadness, angriness. I wanted to die, mainly because I have depression but also because I didn't feel anything anymore so I was asking myself ''Why keep living?''. It felt like I had no goals. I stopped drinking for a month now and made my goal to feel something again. I started doing workouts again and I'm gaining muscle. Sometimes it's still hard but a wound wouldn't recover within a day either. I still don't know what I want to do with my life, what job I want to do, if I should go back to school etc.

[@Kshr3d]

You got this! ❤ very proud of you. Don’t give up ! 😊you’ll figure it out.

[@DeSch0ft]

@@Kshr3d Thank you! I hope everyone can find their happiness and peace one day.

[@Kshr3d]

@@DeSch0ft you’re welcome and I know how you feel!

[@jag0wnsu]

Your message hit close to home. I genuinely hope you can get back to enjoying life, even if just a little bit and I wish you luck with your goals, whatever they may be … Have a nice day!✌️

[@descai10]

There are definitely some big emotions going on that you should work on uncovering. Maybe you're afraid that if you do anything, you risk losing it all again? Whatever it is, something has been weighing you down.

[@charlesandrews2360]

Once at a family party my toddler nephew fell down and looked at me and I smiled. Then he looked towards the ladies and when he saw the look of concern on their faces started bawling. It was very interesting to be able to see the psychology and the child's mind at work.

[@LELIE-]

I have alexithymia. (I didn't know until I was diagnosed with autism.) The thing is, I do experience the full range of emotions that are available, but it's like I'm missing the words to describe them. As if it's another language that I'm not proficient at. If you look at the wheel of emotions, I mostly tend to use the words in the center of the wheel to say what I’m feeling. But give me the wheel of emotions when you ask me to describe my emotions, and I can accurately say which one I'm experiencing. That wheel functions like a dictionary for me. So for me, alexithymia doesn't mean I don't experience emotions. I just can’t properly label them so that other people can understand what I'm experiencing.

[@REChronic54]

I honestly think I may have autism as well. I know what emotions are, I feel it, but at the same time, I feel really distant from them. If I’m analyzing people, I know why they feel a certain way from a situation but I feel emotionally distant when I’m in the moment with them. It’s not that I don’t have empathy, because I definitely feel it when I engage in media. Idk if this has any similarity to how you’re feeling. I know symptoms of trauma and autism tend to overlap so I may have the former instead.

[@LELIE-]

@@REChronic54 - In my case, I had to learn to read other people’s emotions. It’s not something that comes natural. Because it’s a such conscious thing, it might cause you to feel a bit more distant to them. Because you’re analyzing instead of feeling.

[@shadowfox933]

I was about to write this same kind of comment (I'm autistic as well), but I don't want to say the same thing in his comment section since you've already described it so well

[@LELIE-]

@@shadowfox933 - Thank you for the compliment. Getting diagnosed helped me get this insight. And it makes it possible to work on the things that don’t come natural to me. It also helped me find people that experience the world in a similar way. It’s very comforting.

[@TheCyberSatyr]

This is me

[@ace_of_crows8041]

The phrase colour blindness describes my experience very well, my emotions are on a grey scale from awful to amazing and even if I can often say where on that scale my feelings are most of the time I can only tell what I'm feeling through context. Knowing I'm sad when simba's dad dies is like Knowing the sky in a black and white photo is blue. Therefore when I don't have a clear context I often have no clue what the feelings are, kind of as if someone zoomed in on a single pixel of that photo and asked me what colour it would be irl. And then sometimes I'm completely lost like someone flipped the photo and I can only see the backside.

[@rockerdare]

Wow your comment hit me hard. The part about knowing the sky is blue in a black-and-white photo. That's exactly how I feel. I just never put it into words.

[@SnowmanMAHU]

I get this, I've been emotionally neutral since I can remember. I don't feel happy nor sad, nor inspired to do anything, I just do what needs to be done like work or chores but no motivation behind, no purpose in life.. it's really hard but it is what it is..

[@Lamb-ep9no]

🫂 *internet hug*

[@Lamb-ep9no]

@@rockerdare 🫂 *internet hug*

[@Lamb-ep9no]

@@SnowmanMAHU 🫂 *internet hug*

[@tiptapkey]

At one point my therapist asked me where I see myself in 5 years, and I was like "I can't imagine that. I barely even know what that means." My jaw dropped when you said something similar. I guess I'll be bringing this up in therapy.

[@iota-09]

funny, i remember the same thing happening to me when i was a kid, you know when they say in some questionnaires in elementary school and stuff about what you wanna be when you grow up? in my case they specifically asked "where do you see yourself in 50 years" my answer was "i don't"

[@carlbrenston8436]

@@iota-09 holy shit, I always said "I don't" when they asked me that

[@Lamb-ep9no]

🫂 *internet hug*

[@Lamb-ep9no]

@@iota-09 🫂 *internet hug*

[@Lamb-ep9no]

@@carlbrenston8436 🫂 *internet hug*

[@BigCrashNoSmash]

Ironically, this video hit me right in the feels. I've made a hobby, not a profession, of learning as much about psychology in its different forms from several therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists, internet, and youtube in trying to figure out wtf is wrong with me. You gave it a word, a definition, examples, and an actual step forward. You have a new subscriber sir. Thank you

[@ashtrathewitch9]

I felt this so much, to have the knowledge that your not like everyone else or you know "something is wrong" and to finally put a name to it is the most relieving feeling I have ever gone through.

[@janny.p]

You are describing my path in a nutshell, friend... I'm trying to learn as much psychology as possible, also astrology where you study your personality and why you are going tru the hardships in this life from a pseudoscientifical perspective. Also alternative medicine, meditation, chakras, etc. Just studying the whole human being in its physical, mental, spiritual aspects. And I'm a doctor actually. So yea... And all of that just to understand myself and help myself heal from the past

[@Ikx._]

This is literally what I’ve been going through too, I couldn’t have worded it better.

[@artbookgaming]

This was a gut punch. I have a very hazy idea of what I'm feeling ("good" that are the "this is good, do more of this" emotions, "bad" which are the "this is not good, stop doing this, get away", and "neutral" "I have no clue if this is good or not")unless I really out in a crap ton of work to be aware of my bodily functions like heart rate, constricted breathing, blood flow, localized warmth, and even there there is some overlap. I relate to this so much.

[@mrs.quills7061]

I just want to say these comments are wholesome as f. I admire so many of you for sharing your stories and also empathizing with each other/showing support. In a world full of such hate and division, it made me happy to see everyone supporting each other on here. That’s what we all need and I hope each and everyone one of you can get the help you need. The brain is tough and I have my days too, trauma does imprint on us for a while, my therapist has helped but I still have my days I spiral. I’ve been diagnosed with ptsd and anxiety and I do get moments where I feel nothing or I’m numb to external things for a while it makes me a sad because it’s a shell of who I am. One day at a time we will all heal and don’t beat yourself up if you fall back or make a mistake one day, there’s always another day (tomorrow) you can get yourself together. Your past doesn’t need to define your future!

[@tracyzimmerman7912]

My childhood abuse left me not wanting to live in reality. I learned to escape through my imagination books and so on. I have a hard time even feeling negative emotions.

[@eridiance9818]

Wow same, I’ve basically been playing video games for 6 years straight because I can easily distract myself

[@Alvarxp]

Sad

[@MonikaDaddarwal]

i hav been struggling with motivation, my vision, my purpose for over a month now. it's like a switch flipped a month ago. nothing affects me anymore, and nothing feels worth anything. it's a useless world, i felt. will meditate and watch this again. i do actually feel a lot better after watching this video.

[@clutchbridge]

I heard about alexithymia recently in a video about autism but I wasn't really sure whether it applied to me. This video really helped me understand it and myself better. Thank you.

[@modmaker7617]

As an autistic, I think after watching this video, alexithymia applies to me. :)

[@Rocky_the_Protogen]

agreed.

[@alittlepieceofearth]

My mom and one of my sisters are on the spectrum. I just asked the question in the comments if this is common to people on the spectrum. It just sounds familiar to me. Maybe your comment answers my question.

[@HaruDoneYet]

@@alittlepieceofearth it is rather common for those of us on the spectrum, but a good amount of people have never heard of the term

[@JoULove]

Same

[@STStillwell]

I am confident that 95% of the people I know (myself included) are alexithymic. That being said, I am happy that topic is getting the voice it deserves for the people who are affected by it. I do worry however that when we say things like, the reason for this is.. and put a diagnosis at the end of it, it opens the door for miss diagonis. This is an issue that reaches beyond those with this disorder. Being bipolar and highly sensitive, I feel deeply all the time unless im numb (on my medication journey), but in this case, im pretty confident a lot of the time, it is due to feeling trapped with no real agency in life a lot of the time and a few other things listed in the comments. There are societal problems that lead people to feel this way, and it is not always due to a disorder, but it can be. The world is not as black and white as youtubers seem to express. Not all people who struggle to read are dyslexic, not all people with emotional issues are bipolar or skitzophrenic. I guess I gave my 2 cents.

[@jclyntoledo]

It's not a diagnosis though it's just a symptom. Alexithymia is not in the DSM-5 as it's own diagnosis but yes it can be a symptom of a lot of other mh diagnosis like autism and adhd and complex PTSD and maybe depression and others. The more you know 🌈

[@morgan3688]

If 95% of people have something, its called being normal.

[@mindmanna8135]

Hey Dr. K, I just want to say that your videos have been incredibly powerful in helping sift through the jumbled mess of a paradigm that I’ve been operating under for decades without really understanding any of it, simply reacting. Depression, ADHD, anxiety and Alexithymia and so much more. I foresee you changing the lives of countless individuals. God bless you sir. Cheers!!

[@ryanennis5891]

This video single-handedly gave me the breakthrough I needed to start healing from emotional trauma.

[@dylanpringle4314]

Noticing within myself, Ptsd, that was many changes when there is many changes I kinda get stuck and I have to like feel my feelings so I get myself motivated to push myself. Yeah, I definitely can relate learning how not to feel can help mess up their emotional regulation.

[@kdbublitz88]

This video was really helpful. As a guy who didn't necessarily have a bad childhood, I think I felt neglected with both parents working as teachers at my school, but I told myself for a long time 'what do I really have to complain about? ' I do recognize a lot of the things you mention and I more than likely have inherent lexithymia (spelling?), and it's nice to put a name to something.

[@brucesuchman1253]

This sounds like information I needed. I'm diagnosed Schizotypal with general and social anxiety disorders. I fit the "gifted person" from a previous video on this channel. I am a very logic over emotion person, I prefer as neutral an emotional influence as possible when thinking. Emotions cause bias; emotional thinking can easily hijack logical thinking; fight or flight is an emotional state. Emotion completely overrides everything, it's a type of loss of self control. Alexithemia described here, seems like it fits into the puzzle of understanding myself. Even the stuff i instinctively want to disagree with.

[@egorsdeimos3523]

I don’t have the words to explain why I agree with what you said, and how it relates to me, but I still want to thank you for commenting

[@Bob-ih6fj]

This is me to a T. I’m told I’m very patient and have nerves of steel. How I explain my emotional capacity. I’m neutral at all times (base line) do I feel emotions, yes but it’s more of a flash card. I feel the emotions then I put it down until I’m ready to feel another emotions. Me personally I think people are overtly emotional. (they over use their emotions almost like a muscle sprain) They hold onto emotions and not giving other emotions opportunity to be felt

[@egorsdeimos3523]

@@Bob-ih6fj this describes me even more. Not the nerves of steel I’d say, but the feeling of neutral and flash card emotions. They pass quickly and don’t have much lasting impression

[@egorsdeimos3523]

@trapd00rspider I’m conflicted on my own mind

[@brucesuchman1253]

@trapd00rspider the "emotions are just obstacles to overcome" is more of an explanation of how everything is processed. Here is an example thought process. Since emotions are something that can subconsciously influence, they are viewed similar to any external source that subconsciously influences. Propaganda and con man manipulation tactics are examples. Since emotions aren't under logical control and can cause unaware bias; the unemotional or neutral state is logically the most trustworthy to make decisions with and gather the most accurate data from. This is a coping mechanism to function

[@meush22]

I remember explaining for years how as a kid I "knew" what I was feeling, but couldn't feel it. I was emotionally numb for years before something cracked the surface. Now I feel EVERYTHING and although it can be hard, I would choose that any day of the weak. Thanks Dr. K, your videos are, as always, interesting and helpful.

[@aztv1615]

how did you get to the point where you could feel?

[@meush22]

@@aztv1615 It took A LOT of work, and help from friends. The major thing was meeting someone sensitive like me who realized this, and he helped me join a group of people like me (so having a type of community), while he and another friend took me on as a pet project. This was intense and not your ordinary friendship (it also got a bit freaky when the side effects were spiritual stuff that before I thought only existed in books and TV and such, but hey now that's my job so bonus!), but slowly I learned how to just be open, how to cry without a reason (that was one of the harder things), and basically letting go while being in a very supportive environment without judgment (at least not when it came to the emotions and experiences I had). Just to be clear - I was still living at home at the time and my house was not exactly emotion friendly, but the fact that I had a place that was, while realizing how much it cost me to not feel (I become physically sick if I'm blocking my emotions for too long (which is not a long time at all)) was what I needed to keep working on opening up and feeling all the negative emotions, so the positive ones will finally have room to breath. Sorry if this wasn't the explanation you were looking for (it's not exactly easy to replicate, but the basic stuff is), but feel free to ask me anything if it'll help (of even if it won't :P )

[@leticia9799]

@@meush22 Ok, now you are my Hero. Just like, how? I find it hard to imagine that I'm supose to have a emotion through the day, I formed a kind of habbit of giggling at things the people close to me laugh, but even if it did making getting closer to them easier, I don't feel that I'm being sincere, which is one of, if not the only, trait that I liked in me since I was a kid.

[@meush22]

@@leticia9799 I SO get what you're saying. I felt that insincerity, and sometimes I just wouldn't laugh, saying to people that I enjoy it, but I don't easily laugh at things. That in retrospect was a lie - I can laugh and cry pretty easily, but if you're considered a highly sensitive person (also known as HSP) , and you're working all your life to not be, so you'll most likely just shut down most of what you feel (and have an occasional explosion- meltdown). How? With help. I needed to give room to the "bad" emotions (more accurately the less accepted emotions), feel them, embrace them and listen to them in order to let them go and not be controlled by them. Then I suddenly felt lighter and happier and just... better. Suddenly fun and laughter came rushing in since they had room to do so. This is actually my job now - I'm a life coach for sensitive people (and empaths, and Indigo children...) - I help people give room to their emotions (I use both the rational mind and more spiritual - energetic techniques, but I know that's not for everyone). It's nice helping others after I've gotten the help I needed. I never realized how blocked I was, I needed someone else to help me see is and unblock it, that's why I said - don't do it alone. Use other people. It can be friends, family, professionals - anyone that might feel right. It is work though, don't get me wrong, it's just honestly SO worth it. Also feel free to ask me more questions, I know this is not an easy journey to go through.

[@leticia9799]

@@meush22 It's so cool that you work with this kind of stuff! Honestly I would love to make a whole lot of questions, but I can't think how to make that much😅, but some questions that I could think are: It impacted the way you think of people? For me, I never had a crush in someone, and I can not in any way imagine how someone could go from friendship to romantic partners AT ALL, and do you think it would affect body dysmorphia? I never had any strong feelings about being born a female, and I want to know myself so I can, I dunno, be better lol. I've been considering being agender(meaning that I don't identify as male, female and nothing in between) but I'm never sure about anything, this included.

[@owlredshift]

I have NO IDEA WHY this video autoplayed when it did, but it changed my life as I drew nearer and nearer to the new face among millions on the internet that, strangely, somehow knew more about what I was going through and who I am better than I do. This was a MIND BLOWER and I sincerely appreciate your efforts to even share your knowledge with so many others like me out there. I think this... I REALLY think this video will have changed the trajectory of the rest of my life. Now: how to recognize, communicate, improve, and conquer the blink of time I have on this planet. At least I know wtf I am even looking at, rather than chalking myself up to be an eternal failure.

[@suzannecossette1879]

Brilliant ❣

[@eddebrock]

Fuck, am I alexithymic? ...I don't know how to feel about that!

[@mannb1023]

Lol

[@David-ub7vm]

😂

[@VaronPlateando]

maybe, getting mildly baffled has been good starter already.

[@thederpydude2088]

Loll that feels so true At least I can have the feeling of it being true tho xD

[@Dancestar1981]

I can express my emotions better through the performing arts than anything else and I have the dual diagnosis Asperger’s and combined ADHD

[@jacobpream6356]

My parents were always very supportive but I definitely often felt an intense amount of pressure from it to succeed which caused tremendous anxiety all throughout school and to this day. It certainly was not in anyway their fault but this is certainly how I feel from that. Then I got better once I moved out, started writing music and stories again, crafting and really finding happiness, then I got into a couple of very abusive relationships and since then I have not been able to communicate effectively with anyone. Thank you for what you’re doing with your channel. I’m really hoping this is the last push I needed to finally go to therapy.

[@crystaldurham5175]

This sounds a lot like what happens with many members of my family, who also happen to have Aspergers (now called ASD). People with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) tend to heavily rely on others to tell them how they're supposed to feel and act. I sure would like to know if you have noticed a correlation. Interesting stuff! Thanks for sharing.

[@NihouNi]

This is brilliant. Dr. K is very watchable. This corroborates so much of what I have seen with all sorts of addictions work over the years. The common theme is always a lack of acknowledgement of emotions.

[@Moose92411]

The point at 17:50 is one that I’m hyper aware of raising my boys. I want to teach them that feeling bad is part of life, and being able to confront and process and deal with those feelings is absolutely necessary. Just because there are ways at our fingertips to escape feeling badly about something doesn’t mean that’s a good option. I take time whenever my wife criticizes me to just sit with those feelings. I have to think through it, and take the useful feedback from it, and consider her point of view, and reinforce that something might need to change, on and on. I don’t try to escape the feelings.

[@ghost-user559]

The only issue can be if that other person or a group is in bad faith. It’s just as easy to become broken or brainwashed by having feelings thrust upon you that belong to others. Only if everyone in your circle is doing this does it work in a healthy manner. We have a mechanism to shut down feeling for our own protection. The worst people on earth use guilt and shame and emotional manipulation to make people do the worst things in history.

[@felisenthusiast]

King

[@Xeirus911]

Started crying watching this video. I just decided to get a divorce yesterday, this video describes everything perfectly.

[@minifridge8315]

I’m sorry 😢

[@arcticpig917]

that really sucks :(

[@submarooo4319]

Im sorry about that. Best of my wishes man.

[@Jokervision744]

I've tried to explain this to people around me, even to doctors from time to time, but they just shit on me with their silence. I have no money so they don't talk. Primum non nocere, what happened to hippocratic oath? I had a flush of tears also. I'm sick with epilepsy so I'm on the edge of becoming something that just exists...

[@thegodofthegods1084]

Undivorce

[@TrapGod_JackofAllTrades]

One day. I saw a cover art for a light novel, and saw an emotionally complex facial expression. It was a combination of (hidden sadness, resolve, and worry). As an amateur artist, this face struck me. I wanted to draw it. However, no matter how hard I tried I couldn't replicate the suttle nuance that goes into drawing that emotion. This got me motivated to improve drawing emotion for my characters. After looking up a list of emotions to practice on, I saw a long af list (more than the ~10 i was expecting). I couldn't really articulate how I felt that day, but now I would say that I felt astonished (because i never thought emotion was so vivid), and sadness because (there was suddenly a boat load of practicing and) some of these feelings I couldn't even tell if I have ever felt them in my life. I most likely have, I just didn't know what I was feeling.

[@theawakeningheard410]

This is so significant, I’m forwarding to every guy I know in my AA/NA network. Thank you for this gift. It’s very powerful information. I have a real good feeling about passing this on.

[@DMetaMonty]

This resonates with me. I have been diagnosed with ADHD after several other diagnosis that didn't turn out right. I now feel like I also have Alexithymia. Even before seeing this video I was convinced I do. Everything you have said about it, fits me 100%. I'm really not sure how to even talk to my doctor about it at this point because my brain doesn't want to try and work on yet another disorder but I need to do something to get better control of my life. Thank you for the video.

[@Chizuru94]

Same here. Also with ADHD and all the fun experiences from childhood that usually come with it :/ Sorry you're in the same boat x-x *virtual hug*

[@DMetaMonty]

@@danielschlo3479 I'm still getting used to understanding this. I feel like it's more of a thing I figured out about myself that I couldn't understand before. It's hard to explain honestly which is why I've had a hard time talking to anyone about it.

[@d3monition]

Just 6 minutes in and already know this is the most relatable video

[@zCrabOG]

I fit the description almost completely. My personal emotional expressions and feelings exists solely of: I (don't) want or I (don't) need. The only thing that feels strange to me is that I do feel a lot of empathy for others. Emotions are very much present when putting myself in other shoes. To me it feels paradoxical, but i wonder if any of you experience this too.

[@bibsp3556]

Yep.

[@iota-09]

exactly right. especially as i'm autistic. so... what's one to do?

[@slattmas6852]

@@AmoebaInk I will try this thanks!

[@aristarchinski272]

literally me

[@alexmoliere570]

Let me guess when you’re happy, do you try to deny the fact? Like you enjoyed going out with people, but when asked, do you say you feel nothing? My guess is that there is joy and then there is content. Joy is fleeting, but content lasts longer. How is content achieved? Achieving things, proving that you’re strong physically or mentally. Sometimes you’ll never feel happy, but as long as you’re content, you can live on. Having abs, work is good, working hard so maybe eventually when you want something, you’ll be ready, trying out different things. It’s like a void, no matter what, the void is always bigger. Which is fine. Idk, since I don’t like having things or wanting things, I started to throw things away cause maybe I’m a minimalist. Doing cleansing behavior, like a cold shower, cleaning on your terms, doing laundry and making it look good, and achieving something in the gym. Sometimes you need a new internal voice, my new one tells me to get on the ground and start pushing. That there are people I am not allowed to fail, cause I want to honor those people. So my internal voice tells me not to fail them, but also the people I care about. To be a hero, who wants to overcome adversity. My motivation isn’t positive, my motivation is to not be pathetic

[@chiccavaquita]

Gosh I hope you were my psychiatrist Dr. K. I’ve been dead inside & went thru a lot of smart psychologists/psychiatrists. The way you explain things really resonate with me & I think it would really change my life.

[@MechMK1]

Hearing all those things that are wrong with me makes me feel anxious and hopeless. I know that acknowledging my issues are the first step towards becoming better, but I feel like it's already too late with me. Given the amount of work I have to do, I feel like I can't "become normal" in any meaningful amount of time. I feel overwhelmed and it's easier to just ignore everything, work every day and pretend to be happy.

[@sammykrich]

Would you rather feel (or I suppose, not feel) like this forever? Making any effort is better than none. 5% better is still better than going further and further down the hole, no? There isn’t a timeline. The more and more you identify and address, the less overwhelming it’ll feel since you understand the weight you’re carrying and also can finally offload it. Can’t manage something if you can’t recognize what to manage.

[@deadinside8781]

I had depression my whole life and never believed it would go away. I was still living in my abusive home while going to therapy in secret. In the 3 years I've lived alone, I've also finally made progress and felt happiness for the first time. It takes a lot of researching and curiosity, and of course on days I couldn't delve into it I avoided the topic, knowing my limit. But it exposed me to ideas that made things make sense and "tackle-able ". My therapist told me do this and that, and I couldn't until I saw the space in my life to apply things. I have an anxiety disorder and a phobia of heavy metals because of my brain's desperation to feel safe, and I'm scared of a lot of things like taking a class and I ruminate over a purchase because I don't want to make a mistake and feel like I can't having no kin. It takes time and patience. Point is, it was supposed to be impossible, but I was wrong. I don't mean I'm completely "fixed", but I manage so much better, I understand how my past affected me better, and most importantly, Ive been happy for the first time and I feel"good" more often than not. I have a public playlist of psych videos that helped me, I actually made it so anyone curious enough to click on my name finds it.

[@LokiHades]

It’s not going to be easy but you have to start at soem point. I’m 10 years past my “prime” and only figuring things out proper now, and every small victory feels better than living with depression and at my worst. Start with the small things. Get sunlight. Walk everyday when you get up, at least 15 minutes, but go longer until it becomes habitual exercise. Sleep properly. Cut out sugary shit and learn to eat cleaner, you can still eat your favorite cheat meal once a week. This is just the start, but even these things will make you feel better. Stop thinking of it as a single negative monolith but a series of small obstacles to overcome and build into a healthy monolith. Before you know it, that giant tower of negativity that seemed insurmountable is small compared to the amount of good habits you built up piece by piece into a giant tower of positivity, of things you can be proud about yourself for. You need to calm the anxious voice in you that tells you it’s impossible, because it just isn’t. You can do it, like many people who listen to Dr. K are doing it, but you have to try and struggle.

[@sonicbackrooms897]

Hey there! It’s okay to be worried- just don’t be consumed by it. Too much of anything for too long of a time is a cause for concern Just take things one day at a time. You don’t have to fix everything right away and especially not all at once- it’s about building up to bigger changes daily with small actions until eventually you reach thresholds you once perceived to be impossible. Rather than looking at how long the staircase is, take it step by step. It might take time, but eventually you will realize that always having room to improve isn’t a bad thing. But love yourself regardless of those improvements, as your intrinsic value as a person will always triumph over the rate of which you are working through your struggles. Furthermore, it also depends on your perspective. I know it can be easy to dismiss the advice of another over the thought of “easy for them to say to work towards improvement, because what could they possibly know about feeling hopeless about self improvement”? I was born with multiple neurological, sensorineural, learning, and otherwise differences that most people aren’t educated on (ADHD, Autism, Severe Hearing loss, and Anosmia to name a few). To other people, these are my disabilities. But to me, they are plants in my invisible garden that blossom when treated with great care. But I get that it isn’t easy- my perspective wasn’t always like this- as on some level I experienced the same anxiousness and hopelessness that you are now. I was told since birth by everyone around me that the ways in which I experience life differently when compared to other people are inferior just because they aren’t as commonplace or accommodated by current human civilizations. At some point those messages internalized and I started viewing myself in the ways that other people perceived me. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve started to embrace these differences as a sign that I have a unique life experience that will eventually leave me with profound life lessons that I can teach to other people- not as an excuse not to improve myself, but to implement strategies that bring forward the most positive parts of those differences rather than spending the rest of my life trying to carve my square into a circle shaped hole. I know now that self improvement should also be balanced out with embracing my differences. It’s not easy, but I fight everyday to make a square shaped hole, so that other squares won’t have to in the future. I don’t know what things you struggle with. If these struggles are in the realm of things such as addictions then obviously they shouldn’t be justified in the same way that being born with a different set of ways to experience the world can. Addiction can’t be fixed with more addiction. But, if you are anything like me, sometimes your greatest strengths lie buried within the things that everyone including yourself perceived to be your deficiencies. That being said, nobody should stay stagnant their entire lives regardless of what they experience- you are required to grow as a person if you want to live life to the fullest, but only you get to decide how to go about doing that. Change things because you see the value in doing so yourself and not because you want to satiate any unreasonable demands made by other people. Remember, bravery comes from making the choice to get up and attempting to grow little by little everyday, even if you feel afraid. Don’t led your fears box you into being permanently stagnant and leave this realm having lived a life full of regrets. To anybody who read this, good luck, and have an amazing day. You all got this! 🤟🏽

[@LokiHades]

@@sonicbackrooms897 Exactly! I used to think so much about tackling it all at once... This approach would never let you deal with it as it becomes overwhelming anxiety and worry... Step by step, small change by small change, building up into living an ideal life is far more manageable. You won't even realize it at first... But you will feel the difference once you notice you're not as anxious. The closest analogy I can think of is cleaning the household. If you have a large amount of cleaning to do, it can be overwhelming... But if you tackle each task a day at a time, it is never really that bad. Then once that mountain of housework has been cleaned out, scheduling a single day a week to do maintenance cleaning becomes a lot easier than letting it pile up into a mountain again.

[@foramagasobeselettucepurpl6911]

"Emotional colorblindness"? I thought that was just autism. I was diagnosed with ASD at a young age and what youre describing is exactly whats been my biggest hurdle in life. Trying to express myself effectively to others. And OMG the external stimuli part Holy shit that perfectly describes me. I loved the last job i was at, ironically, because i hated it so much. The stress of it forced me out of my comfort zone where i learned day after day to have self advocacy and identity. I felt like my life had at least a bit of meaning. Now that im unemployed and looking for work i struggle just to get out of bed and start the day.

[@Tracegeee]

I’ve never heard of this term, but it 100% contributed to the panic disorder I struggled with in my 20’s. I never knew there was a term or diagnosis for it. It took a long time for me to realize my panics attacks and physical symptoms weren’t “out of the blue”, rather I was emotionally stunted and totally lacking in emotional awareness. Awareness of my own emotions. Once I got in touch with those feelings and learned how to feel and express then my panic attacks “magically” dissipated. 😊 Thanks for making such helpful, informative content.

[@elsagrace3893]

Congratulations on getting it and getting it right. Thank you 🙏 for putting in the time and effort to make yourself a healthier human for me to share the earth with. And thanks for not taking the lazy and easy way out and claiming the autism label instead. I see so many do this who are so obviously not autistic but lazy and wanted to feel self righteous (anger)

[@souchimisouni]

how did u fix this

[@2poor4therapy51]

tell us how

[@knightsolaire7290]

Please tell us how Or maybe @HealthyGamerGG ? What to do, to know what I'm exactly feeling. What are the first steps to fix alexithymia

[@Leo1239150]

​@@knightsolaire7290 probably therapy, I guess. I've just started cognitive behavioral therapy and that's one of the main issues that'll be addressed

[@fionaarchibald502]

Thanks for this! My mother responded to our emotional needs with dismissive contempt and often likened me to her mother, very likely a narcissist who she loathed. As a result I have gone up suspicious of and even hostile to my own feelings.

[@hwangseungmin6413]

Wow. I genuinely felt like you were explaining my life... That was an experience. Glad I stumbled upon this video as it really helped me better understand myself and possible causes of the problems I'm facing in life. Thank you.

[@bloomfire1998]

It's so strange when I think about my feelings getting more and more numb. Every day I hear worse and worse news, starting from 2019, the pandemic, forest fires, tsunamis, earthquakes, wars (in my tiny county too), blockades, falling economy, worsening climate. It's like the world around me only changes to the worse, leaving me with nothing good to look forward to, nothing good to expect from my future, from global future, nothing to hope. Maybe this numbness is a coping mechanism, a way my brain tries to make itself safe from going insane.

[@AutisticWombot]

Since 2015/16 brother bear

[@ecrosland]

I just completed my first entry in the emotion tracker on Right in the Feels. I'm grateful the emotions wheel was there, because I don't think the word I would have chosen to describe what I was feeling would have been as apt otherwise. Without help, I would have been groping around in the neighborhood of Sad, but with help I realized that what I really needed was something from the Fearful section of the wheel. I also wanted to cry, realizing I had all those words available to me, and that somebody wanted to help me find the best description I could for myself. I reflected afterwards, and I think this may be part of a broader pattern. I habitually think of myself as being sad, but now I think I may very often be fearful instead. What I thought was the heaviness of sadness could be the cold, paralyzing feeling associated with fear, like a "freeze" response. When I realized this, I felt Eager to explore the insight further. And realizing that fear is so primal, so simple and blameless, I felt a renewed sense of liking for myself, and I felt Hopeful.

[@orangeziggy348]

Very good!

[@AZunon]

I got through a minute and a half of the video before I lost the motivation to watch. I’ll come back in about a week.

[@thefunnylovingomega3429]

Here is a reminder to watch the rest of the video :) it would really help

[@athessa232]

come back! the video is really informative :)

[@AZunon]

I have just watched many thanks.

[@moistmellow1198]

I believe 100% I have Alexithymia...think it came from heavy marijuana consumption while simultaneously trying to "find myself" and "understand the world around me" then slowly lost my emotions little by little as I started learning things that messed up my head. I'm very confused with where I'm at right now, but I am struggling terribly. I feel like Dr. K really gives great advice that would be helpful for me, but my mind/body is stuck in an addictive comatose state. It feels like even the most minor changes I make in life feel EXTREMELY daunting and near impossible. I don't know how to change without my mental not allowing it.

[@ShyDigi]

Keep in mind, youre likely not addicted to THC. It has the lowest addiction potential out of most drugs, furthermore it doesnt "remove your emotions" in the slightest, if anything it heightens them.

[@moistmellow1198]

@@ShyDigi when done in extreme amounts, and mixed with other drugs, you can’t always say that. Yes, when taken normally that is 100% true; however, that isn’t the full story.

[@moistmellow1198]

@@ShyDigi also anything can be addictive. I of course know that it is a low addictive substance as a heavy marijuana smoker… that doesn’t mean I can’t be addicted to it.

[@pathologicusmaximus]

I feel you. Are you still using cannabis? In my experience, heavy cannabis-use can cause me to get emotionally overwhelmed and result in a dulling effect. It often takes a week or so of abstinence to start normalizing. In any case, it seems a change of perspective is in order. I'd try to do something where your focus is on the physical body and the senses, e.g. playing an instrument, going for walks, cooking, breathing. It could be anything! Your point of focus is what matters at this time. With any luck, small embers of thoughts and emotions will rise up, giving you the opportunity to first of all, feel them in your body, and gradually, figure out their nuances and their origins.

[@moistmellow1198]

@@pathologicusmaximus after about 5 years of heavy use daily, I am about a month or so sober except for a handful of small occasions, and do feel somewhat better, but still pretty dulled

[@zeroleonhardt6779]

Jeez, the timing of this video is just great. I literally have this problem for the past few months now with me being unable to to figure out why my behavior and emotions are like this. Thank you so much for the video Dr. K. At the very least, I understand myself a bit better now. I really needed it.

[@MaryDeathGuyahpoortur]

Every single time I struggled with a specific issue these last few months I get a video of yours in my recommended that discusses the EXACT issue. It's almost creepy but I love it, and hearing the stuff Ive gone through get explained so thoroughly makes me want to cry. I have mad respect for you.

[@Mr.Seek420]

I am genuinely shaken to the core right now because this showed up on my recommended page RIGHT when I needed it.

[@necrohno]

I've known i was severely alexithymic for along time, but just wasn't entirely sure what that all meant. I struggled finding good info sources online so I gave up trying to figure it out, but then i saw the title for this video. Amazing. This helped a lot, and honestly just learning the words "socially innassertive" is a great help, because now i can more accurately explain my problems. I'm getting better, still got work to do, but I'm doing it. Thank you for this Dr. K and everyone at HG

[@StephenStrangeX]

i could easily see how this could be misdiagnosed as ADHD. there seems to be a lot of overlap between this and ADHD. it would be interesting to see you compare and contrast these two to one another.

[@TimmyGobbles]

1000%

[@CardinalTreehouse]

Alexithymia is one of the traits commonly associated with autism, so it would surprise me that there are crossovers.

[@StephenStrangeX]

@@CardinalTreehouse a simple Google search will show you how much alexithymia and ADHD overlap as well, friend.

[@Tunkkis]

​@@CardinalTreehouse Would or wouldn't surprise?

[@CardinalTreehouse]

@@Tunkkis wouldn't. Curse you, autocorrect!

[@health.is.wealth.]

Listening to this opens up a new perspective on my life. I didn't know that I have this condition, but it manifested itself scince I was a teenager. A lot of times I would engage with technology or avoid direct talks about things that bother me or I know I will have a strong emotional responce to, either anxiety or sadness, or guilt or shame. So I avoided talking about this stuff a lot of times. Same things with relashionships. Through my life (I'm 25 rn) I would say that I had only 2 relashionships that lasted for some significant amount of time - for approximately 4 to 6 months. And even knowing all the joy and happiness that I was reciving being with my partners, a lot of times there was a problem for me to speak truthfully about my feelings, because I was afraid to be hurt what truth may lay underneath, and my overall low self-esteam. I'm realy sick of feeling lonley a lot of the times and so eager towards other human warmth, that in my recent expirience I ended up dating with people, towards whom I wasn't really feeling great symphaty, but just for the sake of being around girl and recieve their warmth and sex. When I find a girl that I'm really interested in, often I'm so afraid that she would reject me and this would end up hurting me, that I just won't act on my emotions and interest in that person and I'll just run away. I'm feared of being emotionally open, because I'm feeling like naked and expect to be hurt. I've also had a big probems with substance abuse since I was a teenager. I've had a company where we would gather together and drink or smoke pot, and that was normal for us. Some time after myself and other people from the group were using speed, and this had a big negative impact on my mental healt at the time. I've experimented with other narcotics, such as mushroms, extasy and coke. But now I don't feel the need to use them, even though nowadays I often times find myself anxious, lonley, fearful about my future and bored. I think now I've gust shifted towards extencive technology use rather then substance abuse. So this numbs my feelings, as doctor said in the video. I feel dissatisfaction with where I am right now, but moving to a different place and starting anew is quite expencive and tiring, and I kinda established some social connections where I am now. I was thinking about taking a theraphy, contacted the psychologist, but run away eventially because I was feeling anxious and afraid at that time to share my emotional state to the person I don't know. Think of starting a therapy again, but now I feel less confident about it. Damn this thing, I'm little angry that this condition screws my life so bad!

[@c.alejandro1259]

Thanks for sharing this story Nick, it was quite something to read and I feel for your struggle with this. If I may suggest a strategy that has worked for me with some of my personal struggles feel free to read below. Perhaps instead of framing it as this condition is messing with your life you can shift your perspective to: "now that I understand what is going on inside my brain I have the opportunity to acknowledge this when I am experiencing it and take steps to handle it better". I by no means am trying to invalidate what you are feeling, for I think I have experienced much of the same. But by framing it in this way, you can prime yourself to notice when you're falling victim to this and develop strategies to combat it. Personally I find that when I'm playing video games for an extended time I'll stop and ask myself why I am playing for so long? How am I feeling? Am I just playing video games to escape something or am I just having fun with friends during my time off. I have found that it helps me. All the best

[@health.is.wealth.]

@@c.alejandro1259 Thank you, Alejandro 👍🏻

[@claudia4578]

What really helps me instead of therapy is journaling. Sitting down and writing out my thoughts and life plans helps to shape them better and reflect on them. I someone times laugh at how stupid my thoughts are. The exercises from dr k in the description are also really great. Maybe this is a good place to start and then you can start therapy too once you’re able.

[@thedreadedgman]

now add 15 yrs... it gets worse because you no longer have your health as much

[@wolfheart4544]

You just described in 45 minutes, what I have been struggling with for 31 long years. Your videos have helped me a lot to understand myself and improve.

[@96BxelA]

Imagine finding this shit out in your 50’s ..? On the positive side this video is going to change many, many lives❤ God Bless Everyone.

[@susanrobertson984]

Oh man … I do feel émotions now but I am 54. I absolutely understand the ideas here at a cellular level. No idea what I want from life other than being financially independent and have a home. I need to listen twice and ponder.

[@ConManAU]

I'm so glad I watched this video! I tried explaining to my therapist how I've been feeling and the best I could say was that it was like "anhedonia, but not really". I think alexithymia might be the right term for it - my emotions are a lot duller, my ability to focus and be motivated is even worse than my normal ADHD can explain, and a lot of my emotional energy is focused in anger and frustration. Hopefully now that I have a name for it I can work on doing something about it.

[@nevamoore5192]

Good luck!

[@yuppers1]

Good luck! If you have ADHD symptoms and this anhedonic feeling, you may have low dopamine due to a fast COMT function (it's a gene you can look up for yourself). If you do find out this gene is fast, you can consume Tyrosine supplements (it's an amino acid that your body uses to make dopamine). You might be a little low. Look up functional medicine doctors- Dr Hyman has a channel on this and has some interviews with Dr George P (can't spell his name) on ADHD.

[@ConManAU]

@@yuppers1 Thanks for the info, I will try to remember to look into it!

[@giraffineer]

This was eye-opening. It felt like i just let my life happen without any direction or purpose. Everything that was said in this video was so spot on.

[@koketsoletlapeYT]

I got a little scared listening to "Stimulus Bound". Thats how I got myself to get my driving licence at 30 yrs old. How I got to buy a car. How I got a raise at work. They all sound positive but I felt very little joy in accomplishing these grownup milestones.

[@Nicholasvelaz22]

My feelings for so many years have been more or less painful and negative, and it feels like it's the only thing I really know. I haven't been honest with myself about so many things and it feels like I don't even know who I am, or I've been lying to myself about who I am. The externally bound drive you speak of resonates with everything I've done over the last 5 years. I only clean my room because I imagine someone else being disgusted by it, not myself. I go to work so I don't upset anybody. I don't know if alexithymia is exactly what I have issues with but it's resonating more than I am comfortable with.

[@inquisitionagent9052]

I relate to this so much. My default state of emotion is either rage or despair. Ignoring all of it atleast gets me through the day. I can function in a productive manner when suppressing all of it. I can socialize when people cant tell what's going on in my head. Though I'm told that I feel robotic to talk with. Can never really connect with anyone anymore. I do what I'm told, work on things because I have to. I clean my room out of a sense of obligation. Every minute thing is a chore that takes a lot of willpower to complete. Ignoring the problem only makes it worse. Taking a minute to process your thoughts (preferably with a safe person) has helped me a lot. Sometimes its simply a matter of getting things off your chest. Negative thoughts are like poison. If you dont vent them out in some form, they'll stay in your system and cause lasting damage Everyone has their way of venting. Some wanna talk it out with a safe person. Some will sit down and process the emotion. Some cannel it into physical activities (sports, gym, combat). Some just need to cry it out in the shower. See what works for you. I hope we can both find a way out of this. Hope that life improves and you can experience some positive emotions for a change. We're wasting precious time being miserable. It'll all be over one day and I'd hate to waste my one life in misery

[@TheCrazyWolfStory]

It has a name. If it has a name, then that means that maybe I can beat it. This video just opened up a lot of things I wish I knew or understood as a kid growing up and now I have the base understanding with which I can now face the problem. You just earned a sub, and my gratitude. I'm ready to get back to the world again, and much like in What About Bob, I just have to take it in baby steps. Thank you for making this. :)

[@improvemyself256]

Wow, I'm so glad this video was recommended to me. Due to rejections and failures I numbed down my emotions in order to not feel the pain. It led to me functioning, but not living. This video really supported me in my recent endeavour to feel more and think less. It really made a lot of sense when you said being out of touch with my own emotions leads to all kinds of problems which wouldn't really be there or at least not be as severe as they are if I just become more aware and accepting of my emotions. Thank you!

[@basedkoolasuchus1019]

This was beyond helpful. I saw this video in my recommended feed and I put it off watching it (probably some emotion was there lol). I am so happy I came back to watch it, it really explained a lot of aspects of my life experience. I’m going to look into the strategies you mention and I hope to improve. Thank you!!!

[@Popcornio]

This video randomly auto played while I was busy doing other stuff and I decided to let it play and listen to it. This topic honestly hits so close to home for me, Alexithymia sounds so much of how I feel/think about almost everything. The three main symptoms describe me to a tee. I've always had difficulty expressing or describing how I feel to anybody so I just let everything bottle up. This information gives me a place to start to try to work on myself.

[@Breadful1]

Sent this to my friend who reached out a week ago after a time of growing apart, and told me she has gone through some substance abuse in the last few months, and after talking about things she described what I now know is alexithymia. Thank you Dr K, serendipitous in my life as usual! Love.

[@Ulterior-l4k]

Same with trauma/childhood trauma - it's not the thing that happened to you - but how everybody around/ society reacts to it. Edit: I learned it on Sam Vaknin's channel

[@e44-y9s]

can u elaborate on that? are you talking about stigma connected to things such as being molested/raped/beaten by ur parents?

[@sammykrich]

Right. When you’re a kid and everyone around you gets uncomfortable when you talk about it, you learn to just ignore your emotions. Definitely applicable to me.

[@EUPassionStorm]

I've been trying to tell my family this for years. I was molested at 6, but to me it's just an unfortunate thing that happened. I didn't know anything was even wrong with what me and my stepbrother were doing until they freaked out, so I did too. I hated him for a time because of how everyone reacted, but he was my best friend at the time. I feel like me and him could've made up if everything was a little more calm

[@rebeccaryan5030]

Yes

[@TimPortantno]

Research shows PTSD from war is almost not present in countries with conscription.

[@thefunnylovingomega3429]

I am from iran, this is probably the most clear definition of me i have seen in quite a while i don't have the access to therapists such as you but i hope to be able to work something with my therapist out to help them better help me or seek more suitable options. Thank you for this informative video

[@mattk38918]

Thanks for talking about this Dr K. I’m a clinical counseling intern and one of my clients is struggling with alexithymia. It’s been a very challenging case to address so far, but your Right In the Feels worksheets might be just the exercise idea we need to continue moving forward!

[@saddragonbean]

Yup, this is my experience. A lot of my life, coping and motivation has improved in my last 2 years of starting to really work to feel my emotions in the moment. It used to just be 'tension', but now I take a breath and pay attention and name the emotions when I feel it. Slow going. Another thing that's helped me in the meantime with relationships is purposeful reminders that I care about someone. I just say "hi I don't talk much but you should know I care" when I can. Even if there's not much else about my emotions that I understand enough to communicate. I tell them that too.

[@JJLL195]

The complete lack of motivation eventually led to one episode of suicidal impulse, for there’s less reason to open my eyes to live another day than to jump off the balcony to not live another day, fortunately the balcony was blocked off enough to allow myself 2 hours to push the impulse out. From that point on my body automatically installed “to do something at all is better than ‘that’” whatever “that” was. In some ways it allows some circuits to awake which allowed me to find bits of purpose here and there.

[@thatonedoofus4096]

I didn't know I needed this until now. This helped me find the words or understanding of how I feel.