Black-and-White Thinking: Cognitive Distortion #1

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"We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are."
Black-and-white thinking, also known as all-or-nothing thinking, is a cognitive distortion or thinking error that distorts our reality and contributes to anxiety, depression, and other mental illnesses. In this video, I'll teach you what black-and-white thinking is and how to change it in order to have better mental health and relationships.
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Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC, and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.
About Me:
I’m Emma McAdam. I’m a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and I have worked in various settings of change and growth since 2004. My experience includes juvenile corrections, adventure therapy programs, wilderness therapy programs, an eating disorder treatment center, a residential treatment center, and I currently work in an outpatient therapy clinic.
In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction.
And deeper than all of that, the Gospel of Jesus Christ orients my personal worldview and sense of security, peace, hope, and love www.churchofjesuschrist.org/c...
If you are in crisis, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ or 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or your local emergency services.
Copyright Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC
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[@wolfgang7812]

Black and white thinking makes reaching goals even harder.

[@anz10]

Yeh cz no-one can do anything without also making mistakes so true !

[@millsykooksy4863]

Yes!!!!

[@jackcroydon2772]

Yes 5 steps forwards 10 big self sabotaging steps back 🙈

[@abladeofgrass1003]

"Life is not about feeling better, but being better at feeling" 💜🌱💜🌱💜

[@ilhamabubaker3985]

BlaaQ Hippie 💜🌹💜🌹💜

[@ok-no9ih]

Omg

[@abladeofgrass1003]

This is not entirely true, you feel better when Christ restores your life.🙏🥰 I'm a believer, and I love the Lord. He is the way the truth the life🍂🌼💛🙌🌷🙌

[@wandalee5010]

This is great, I used to say the quickest way to start an argument is to start it with You Never or Always, because nobody never or always does anything. I think love and acceptance is found in the grey areas. I’m a work in progress, but aren’t we all?

[@marionrobinson3]

❤

[@Anonymous-vk5bt]

Got me in the feels with this one ☝️

[@carolpridgeon8200]

thank you so much for your comment!

[@sarahblunden4372]

Reminds me of : There are two people who live in the house called Somebody and Nobody, Somebody has to do a job but nobody does it lol

[@jotsnaprasad3940]

Pllaq

[@zaye400]

“Getting better at feeling”.....that struck a cord

[@KaoGi]

I love her voice, so soothing

[@AnthonyJ74]

Agreed. She has a very beautiful voice. It's simultaneously powerful and soothing.

[@kathymyers7279]

Giang Cao I HATE the way she says “cowlm” like her mouth is full of marbles. It’s calm. Ahhhh. That’s better.

[@janetownley]

Kathy Myers - I think I liked it better without the hate

[@Hugozen]

Yes, I would like to listen to everything she said.

[@bethwanjeri862]

Totally. Very superior voice and communication qualities.

[@rajivkrishnatr]

I think it's my fear of having to feel uncertainty, rejection and sadness that makes me so anxious. I even lost a lot of hair due to this which added to my self esteem issues. But I'm getting better everyday, picking up pieces and growing ever more with ease at myself. Thank you...

[@Alphacentauri819]

A very empowering counter to that is learning to change your subconscious programa that lead to those fears. The Personal Development School is so transformative. I found Thais (the owner) on KZbin and realized I had an insecure attachment style, fearful avoidant. I watched her videos for months and my thinking kept changing for the better. I am learning how to connect to myself, feel my feelings, have less fear! I give you recognition for realizing its your fear driving you. I hope for you healing and empowerment!

[@carnivoroussarah]

There's a potential that it hurts so badly because of a nutrient deficiency. May want to get tested and see about your diet. ☺️ Still, these tools are great as well for helping to feel all emotions. I feel mine so strongly that I get burnt for a few days after haha. The numbness is part of my personal experience I guess.

[@rajivkrishnatr]

@@Alphacentauri819 thanks, will check it out

[@true8843]

I hope you are so well... I feel like I understand your comment.

[@joshuataylor3550]

Did your hair thicken again after?

[@JB-jd8vv]

As someone with CPTSD this is simply the vocabulary I grew up with. My father would say "it's black or white, yes or no, do or die!!!" This is a direct quote he used frequently. So I grew up feeling constantly misunderstood because the vocabulary I had learned was emotionally charged and did not match how I felt. I often upset people with my powerful language and frequently had to re-explain multiple times to make amends 😥

[@w__c]

Glad I found you. It's like I have a personal therapist, only virtually.

[@vg7083]

For free!

[@stfuitsjuan7119]

Me too

[@jojogrzy1904]

Me three! 🧘🏻‍♀️

[@ihateeverything63fu]

😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂😂🤣

[@cupcakee22]

Me too.

[@Jpjohnnyp]

I tell myself I'm busy when I'm actually not, and it's only a few things for me to do on some days. And yet this black and white thinking would make even a few things to do feel like and become days worth of wasted effort in worrying and catastrophizing. Sometimes I can't do the things that used to make me happy, like drawing or even just a videogame, because I'm extremely hard on myself. Even though I've searched topics like this online, this video was concise and covered everything I needed to know. Thank you!!

[@TherapyinaNutshell]

Glad to hear you found it helpful, thanks for your comment :)

[@StarrshineFreedomLover]

As an LMFT in CA. I just wanted to take a moment to thank you for your service here on your passion project! I think that you are wonderful, so relatable, warm and authentic. And the information that you are sharing is so helpful. I appreciate you!!!

[@ashleyaragon1954]

Rewrer

[@jld4870]

Curious Starr have how much do you look at trauma and how it affects the brain when working with others? I ask because for many years I was told what was wrong with me-diagnosed-vs what happened to me. In this last year I have been beyond enlightened by reading ‘The body keeps the score’, the ‘Polyvagal Theory’, watching ‘The wisdom of trauma’ and ‘The work’. I pray all practitioners will too learn from others who I believe have many answers for so many folks who suffer needlessly-being victimized again by hearing what is wrong with them, vs allowing their pain to be heard and to be told it is NOT your fault!! And Thank you for your heart of service!

[@AvitalShtap]

I know this is a breakthrough when I start tearing and choking up at work. WOW, this absolutely applies to me and my mom, even as I type this comment I notice it. I am guilty of every single thing you mentioned. Thank you so much for this.

[@amberwilson5769]

Get off youtube at work!!!

[@vicaramelia9519]

@@amberwilson5769 you must be a joy to be around

[@heidim9019]

This just explained my entire life. Priceless.

[@Reree-gz5bg]

Same 🙈

[@1156Treecat]

Ditto!!!

[@excellence3605]

Hi Emma, i have been reading brain sciences books / literatures for quite sometime now. But i must accept, this is probably the best resources I have found. The good part is that you explain things in a crisp and simply way. Thank you

[@WoundedWarrior77]

I remember in my teens actually writing out my negative thoughts and looking at the cognitive list of distortions and seeing where my thoughts were distorted. It worked and helped me get out of my depression. The hardest part is doing the work and actually writing down your thoughts and defusing them. I’m going to try this again.

[@karl-heinzbickelhaupt3669]

This might be black and white thinking, but I am convinced that this woman is an angel.

[@val-id8vi]

Same

[@azntoastx]

I'm a really analytical thinker, but the way I view myself, my life and the events that occur around me is completely different compared to when thinking of others or my job. It's become extremely unhealthy and for the past month I've really been in another low. Thank you for this content!

[@Dumawix]

You saved me Emma 😢, but I am still dipressed to observe your content did not have as many views as it deserves, You Are The Best 👍👍

[@moirosalina]

'Getting better at feeling' is going in my journal as a reminder. This was helpfull, thank you

[@lime9227]

This is me😢. I always fear change and reject myself and can't accept anything coming in life. I create situation and fight with everyone in my mind.

[@SRBOMBONICA86]

This is me ,I am so extreme,my parents were like this and I genuinely think it affected my thinking in life,I could do the dishes every day and one day I miss doing it,my mom would react like I never done the dishes before ,crazy reaction .I wanted to ride a bike as a kid ,my mother would literally say " you can die,a car can hit you lol,it's so sad how that still affect me,her anxiety affected me severely

[@jeangrey6278]

I feel guilty. I am just like your mom. I feel bad for my daughter..

[@lynette-sowingseedsoflove2424]

Wow, thanks for sharing I can relate.

[@MrGengad]

I can also relate to this as well, my mum, but I would say that's the only way they new to raise us. But truly speaking my mum patterns appears on me. We need to work hard and raise better children for this world.

[@heliapalma5948]

Jean Grey Dear: your mother have you . !!!!✨And now you got the gift to be a mother. Your daughter will have the best mother!! ✨You !!

[@heliapalma5948]

Jean Grey in

[@ashleystewart6134]

I want to thank you for doing this. I recently attempted suicide in April and ever since that I have been riddled with anxiety. Though I have an appointment set up with a therapist now, your video about separation from your thoughts has helped me immensely after giving it just one shot. I know its still going to take work but its helped me relieve a lot of the discomfort I was or am experiencing.

[@adelacozlac366]

Take care! Sending lots of hugs! You are loved!🤗💙

[@ashmit3675]

Take care buddy

[@Andrewtatesbutt]

Hey buddy ❤. How are you now ?

[@bobjasper4805]

with subtlety.. this lady had delivered a profound path out of most mental issues .. one thing I can say ., thank you

[@nnnnnnnnnataliem]

"increase our capacity to experience ambiguity" 💗 Getting better all the time. I used to refuse to see people as bad but sometimes they do evil things, and then the pendulum swung to everyone is bad. But neither is true, we're a mix and it's easier for me to see people as more complex now. Crazy when you've grown a little and you look back like "why did I think that way, how many other people still think that way" Love your channel 😌💕

[@alkia100]

So spot on. Makes you feel good when you see other people understand how you feel, and that there is hope for change. Thank you :)

[@shaunrussell4558]

That’s one of my favorite childhood books!! My nieces now love it too!! Thanks for ALL of your videos!! You’re incredible 🙏🏻💗💚❤️🦋

[@lorrainecisecki7959]

I live with a very much black and white individual, your insight has been helpful. Thank you! …

[@DesertApe]

Lady, I am so glad I found you. You speak with ease and your words really resonated with me. Thank you so much

[@dkp1807]

So appreciate you..you give description of behavior then helpful tools. Thank you!

[@Karol.Pelczarski]

I have been doing talk therapy for few weeks and this video has helped me more in few minutes, thank you so much! 🤗

[@RennieDeeH]

Thank you for these videos - for sharing your knowledge and belief that we, as individual beings, can often times help ourselves - given sound guidance. Your videos are helpful, encouraging, and empowering...such a great gift to many people. Please, keep providing the help and hope your videos bring to life. Keep doing what you are doing, your efforts are making a difference. I appreciate and look forward to the learning and understanding your videos bring into my life. Rock on and mega kudos!!

[@margo5919]

You give me hope to cope, everyday! God bless you, Emma!

[@trcarp1973]

Thank you for sharing your expertise. Feels like there is hope for dealing with anxiety in a healthy way.

[@sushmarangu4113]

I'm happy I found this suggestion...and this has been an eye opener conveying howw the usual thoughts we get...bring unusual hurtful changes in life! Thank you 😁

[@drewjames1778]

Wow! This video is under viewed, under liked, and is extremely helpful in breaking down the complexities of our minds and emotions in a very simple and clear way. Thank You.

[@linacreekmore3616]

Thank you! I’m so very grateful I came across your channel today. Extremely helpful videos!

[@user-vv7ds4tf7x]

Thank you so much for this video, for helping us grow to be aware and manage ourselves to have good relationships. I myself tend to exaggerate things and find it hard to embrace the complexity of my realities. I tend to spiritualize things and fail to see things more clearly. I do have tendency of being depressed but am working out with feeling my feelings better. Again thank you and may God bless all your work. 🙏🏻

[@daphynegracias8515]

Your channel is such a blessing. Love it.

[@banderas2000]

can't lie i been soul searching and i know alot of my negative thinking is around what others think about me and if i am good enough. also i do go to the worse possible scenario in my mind. I been doing better with standing up for myself, asking for what i want , ect. i am hard on myself and i am changing it. it's hard but i am trying. i like that quote " when we change the way we look at things , the things u look at change." focus on the posititive.

[@ljkoh20052000able]

Depression for me starts and ends with one obsessive thought. "I'm a failure."- I have to see this thought in a different perspective.

[@oraora5647]

The amount of times I come back to this video is insane! Thank you so much for this, it's so well made

[@vaishnavikrishnamoorthy5944]

Hi Emma, I have recently started to watch your videos and I had to find a way to tell you that- you have brought meaning to my life. I've spent 1000's of dollars in therapy and yet haven't got anything out of it like I do from your videos.

[@owodee]

This was such a great video. Thank you so much, it opened my eyes!

[@TherapyinaNutshell]

owodee so glad you liked it! Thanks!

[@Siam2233]

Thank you. It's actually stunning how much black and white thinking has shaped my life and my beliefs. Nuance is so important

[@toddbirge2800]

thank you for taking time away from your family to give me these tools to help with my battle of depression and anxiety.

[@susancosgrove7821]

Excellent video, have really benefitted from watching and will even more so by applying. Many thanks 💜

[@krisg78]

This is INCREDIBLY helpful. Thank you!!

[@emmahank]

Thanks!

[@keelyp3844]

You’re just an awesome human being! Thank you for your caring videos and articles

[@beanie3497]

Thank you for ur video. Ive been struggling with this people for a long time.. its very hard to change the thinking style and mindset though.. i hope i can change bit by bit

[@JohnM...]

Bart: This is the WORST day of my life! Homer: The worst day of your life SO FAR!

[@balkangetaway]

I feel much better now....

[@tamarataylor1750]

You are very helpful!

[@laurenbarber8579]

LOL YES

[@PATRIOTxx3]

LOL i love the Simpsons

[@leonwalker723]

Ah the teachings of homer I've heard of him

[@ashstubbings2603]

When I had therapy a few years ago, we (my therapist and I) identified that there was an awful lot of my thinking that was 'black and white' or 'all or nothing' thinking. Thankfully I seemed to have dealt with a lot of it, although I do still have problems with this at times, so your video was very useful to me. Thank you.

[@user-mq5tx2om3g]

Thank you so much for helping me. I have going through tough times recently.

[@maceyharper2268]

I was raised in black & white. I actually used to be all about the gray areas, but I was told that way was bad, wrong, weak, cowardly, unrealistic.

[@LandoftheIn-Between]

I love what you’re doing. Thank you so much for this work you’ve helped me so much 🤗🙏🏼🧙🏼‍♀️🧬

[@realgena1]

I knew what black and white thinking was, but this really deepened my understanding. Thank you so much!

[@mirnahabib00]

What about when a family member keeps on saying horrible things like I'm unsuccessful, useless, worthless, everybody hates you... He keeps on pulling me down though I'm totally the opposite of what he is saying!!!!

[@Randomstupidthings]

Make plan, stay away from them it will help, 👍 find way

[@quarteracreadventures855]

The fact that you realize that you are the total opposite of what he is saying makes me believe that you will be ok if you can find a way put some distance between yourself and that person.

[@dianajarrar8602]

That's an emotionally abusive person. Boundaries are key. You have the right to speak up and tell them that you don't want to hear any of their opinions or feedback. If they refuse, you owe it to yourself to distance yourself from them. They don't deserve to be around you. You're a star!

[@mirnahabib00]

@@dianajarrar8602 That what I'm doing, I'm distancing myself away from him. Avoiding him totally and that's the best thing to do to avoid abuse and hurting. Thank you Diana ⭐, keep shining

[@mirnahabib00]

@@quarteracreadventures855 Yes, I found distancing is the best solution to stay away from hatred and maltreatment. Thank you for the tip 💜

[@princesspat5239]

Hello, I found out about your channel when one of your videos popped up in my recommended. And I've never been this content with the advice and knowledge I got... I'm an anxious avoidant and I've been trying to change how I am but I've been struggling a lot I've been trying to look into different tools like philosophy and yungienne psychology ( MBTI )I found out that I'm an INFJ a year ago and it is a big tool but it's more about understanding who you are an understandin how you perceive the world but it didn't help me concretely to change the way i think. That's why I'm really happy because I've tried so much and your work feels like relief because it's so clear and organized with step by step methods so thank you so much !

[@robertsutherland6167]

I'm finding your videos really helpful, thank you.

[@candyk.6142]

I’m not 5. Feelings or sensations or flare ups are not my best tools. I chose staying the course. I’m truly happier being stable and understood and lastly I like predictability.

[@gaelg8664]

It's not always obvious to choose relevant content to learn a new language. But learning with these both simple and positive tips is perfect for me. Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge, I can learn so much thanks to you. Please keep going. Take care.

[@GadgetsGearCoffee]

I like the way your videos are structured. The explanations and solutions are clear and straightforward

[@limmingming4022]

I love your Passion to heal n calm people in the world! Thanking!!

[@justrenee2640]

I do this very often and it makes me even more sad and it makes me cut off so many rekationships

[@TherapyinaNutshell]

You learned to do this somewhere, you can learn to un-do this and do something differently keep your head up :)

[@nabilatahseen9126]

So glad I stumbled upon this channel. Amazing content. Well done.

[@Reree-gz5bg]

I definitely feel my emotions very strongly. So even the positives feel extra too :3

[@lilywhite9109]

Me too 🤔

[@Webbgurl2000]

Empath? Perhaps. Because I feel strongly as well.

[@Mia-ei2jx]

fantastic explanation and simple presentation of tools! thanks.

[@YathieshHS]

The voice itself is soo therapeutic , Thanks for sharing

[@khati108]

I appreciate alot .. you helped me to see myself and the main clue of my problems in life ❤

[@redgielabalan9519]

Thank you so much its a great help. I see hope and happiness now.

[@sandym4317]

I have this problem & working on changing it. Thanks!!

[@tessajetta8146]

I just discovered your content from my feed. You have a very nice voice.

[@dsmi1901]

Thank you so much, you are a wealth of information and have helped me soooo much. I will be doing you Udemy course.

[@marly1869]

Wow this is such an amazing video.. thank you so much Emma. Your videos have helped me so much..🙏🏼💜

[@sharenreneeparish2040]

I’m So Very Thankful For You & My Co-Worker Mr. Winters Who Recommend Your Videos To Me. Let The Healing ❤️‍🩹 Begin…

[@jeewillbecracked4115]

Thanks for the help Emma ❣️

[@nancyritland9116]

THANK YOU! TREMENDOUS!

[@judehey2971]

Thank you it is very helpful with handling depression. I am also doing my part, I am taking my meds, eating better and doing exercise. I will also start psychological therapy next week.

[@kjurat1152]

You and your videos are truly amazing! Thank you so much!

[@dammitstupidthing]

Thank YOU for existing🙏✨

[@rhondaredeemedprodigal]

Thank you for sharing this video 🙂💕. I appreciate you 🤗

[@akim3355]

I didn't know until now that I tend to think like black and white thinking and make the situation worse than it is. I think recognition is a good start so need to make myself aware of my thinking and improve my condition.

[@KimPosteryournewpenpal]

New subscriber! Watching all your videos tonight. Thank you for all that you do ❤ I have bpd and experience b and w thinking everyday. Will be sending this and your videos on anxiety to my loved ones to help them better understand mental health.

[@jld4870]

Please remember that your brain is full of neuroplasticty, you are not stuck! With all the discoveries and all the compassionate folks that are in the trauma world-there is great hope for our brains, as we learn to ask what happened to you NOT what is wrong-diagnosis-with you. ‘The body keeps the score’ is a beautiful very eyes opening read! Best to you as you continue to learn and more importantly love yourself just the way you are!!

[@joserivera7436]

I loved the message. Thank you

[@catcoder12]

I also feel that when I'm stressed and all, I always feel everything involved in causing the stress is against me or a villain.

[@garrettspearman2929]

Thank you for information and clarity

[@loicewanza8181]

Every time i listen to your vidio i feel relieved, thank you and may God continue to use you to be a blessing to many

[@tomlovejoy2141]

Very helpful!! I’ve experienced symptoms of GAD and I feel the older I get the more pronounced the symptoms. When I have a bad day at work I tend to resort to black and white thinking and taking everything negative personally. How can I not??? With negative feedback I discount the positive feedback entirely. I think working on this is a journey to retrain my mind

[@allengina1091]

Your really gifted. Thank you.

[@genesebelius4466]

Thanks so much for sharing this ❤

[@mohammedkashif7656]

Thank you sooooooooo much after so many KZbin videos your vedio is the one which is gonna work for me I'm subscribing your channel thank you sooooooooo much again

[@learningpeace9788]

"Those who lack healthy love for themselves have very black and white thinking, never giving themselves room to grow or overcome failures." - DeJesus, Mark.

[@Generation-Faith]

Right exactly, It excuses the very fact that we have been through shit and now it is our fault and we need to take responsibility

[@saintinlower48]

You know how to word and put ideas together. This all makes sense.

[@atefehghasemzadeh9800]

So helpful. Thank you.

[@roxannpope3157]

Thank you so much for providing this information.

[@danahughes2239]

Absolutely helpful. Thank you.

[@blackpanther0990]

Better advice than most spiritual gurus . Namaste and thank you !

[@sriharsharevu4316]

Loved it, thanks for the great videos.

[@vesper9547]

Thanks your message was what I needed to heard today.

[@jchambers5668]

Thanks so much for all these really great videos!

[@avicohen3035]

Excellent film. You are getting through to me. Educational experience. It would take me some time to integrate your guidance. I am grateful, Emma McAdams.