Healthy Boundaries: Protecting Yourself from Being Guilt-Tripped

[@Janelletiffani]

Honestly as someone who was a STAN for low maintenance friendships, all I can say is be careful. They’re not as hyped up as social media can play it off to be and honestly I’m learning balance is KEY. Low maintenance friendships can very much be toxic because there is an element missing of you make time for the people that you say you care about. It can very much be a breeding ground for people to take advantage of people who are just willing to give give give. Also, boundaries are important but the way people are moving nowadays it’s like they’re building fortresses instead of gates. At the end of the day we need people, we need community and I think we just have to practice more balance instead of leaning to extremes like high vs. Low maintenance normalize boundaries that protect relationships instead of solely protecting the individual.

[@kaylee7639]

Such a thoughtful and truthful comment! Thanks for saying this.

[@MrVevlet]

Agreed! My mama says friendships are like the moon they wax and wane. Which I think sums up a more balanced perspective. You can check in with people, let them know you care about them and make time for them while still having healthy boundaries. All relationships require emotional maintenance. Like you can make time for yourself and respect your needs while doing the same for loved ones.

[@andreaslynn]

This is so true! While we all are busy and have our own lives, we can’t expect to have healthy relationships without exhibiting healthy behaviors. You don’t have to talk all the time, but prioritizing time connecting with people is very important. In order to have a friend, we must be a friend.

[@Joce-bl7qi]

@Janelle Tiffani You better go ahead and say that whole word!

[@mayab.1633]

Yes that’s exactly what I think !!

[@nativevillage3480]

I think we shouldn't glamorize low maintenance relationships. In order for anything to grow ( just like a garden and any living thing) It requires attention, watering, and care. To be in healthy relationship with another person is a choice and that takes work on both sides. Anything other than that is low maintenance, imbalanced, and not fulfilling.

[@vanoyblake290]

This issss the COMMENT!!!!!! everybody now is going out of their way to say Yes im a low maintenance friend. well guess what, Im NOT!!!!!! I am going to call you out also, come on.

[@nicholearthur9022]

Well said!

[@honeymoney23]

Thank you!!! I'm sorry but these "low maintenance" crusaders usually have severe anxious attachment issues in their romantic life and idealize men. They be the women who as soon as they have a man, they fall off but let them be having relationship issues, all of a sudden they NEED they "low maintenance" friends. Like?? Keep it.

[@section8044]

Right on!

[@onlyrhonda]

I think we should normalize it because it is normal. It’s normal for some people to have lives that don’t revolve around others. Also some people struggle with being alone with their issues or entertaining themselves. They rely on others vs working out their internal issues. Then there’s the fact that some of us are naturally like cactus plants and don’t require all the extra water to thrive. Instead of saying “we shouldn’t glamorize it,” we should all really just be picking friends who can meet our needs vs trying to change people.

[@ThatsJustMyBabyDaddy]

Adrienne said a word today! Low-maintenance friendships are healthy friendships.

[@TT.3123]

Absolutely!! The friends that have ever made me feel bad about dumb stuff are not really my friends like that anymore. I still have love for them but I’m not making plans with someone who if any small thing has to change, they make me feel bad. I just won’t make plans with them anymore so no one has to be disappointed about anything! 😅

[@ethanngwenya996]

Facts

[@peterssister421]

👏👏👏👏👏

[@CrystalDatingCoach]

Low maintenance friends are only around for the "good times"

[@mayab.1633]

@@CrystalDatingCoach exactly! And if you want that great but some of us want a different kinda friend

[@UrbanAfricano93]

Nobody is ever that busy!! You’re just not within their priorities atm. Once I learned that the hard way. I don’t even take offense. Because I go by if people want to talk to you, they will 🤷🏽‍♀️

[@deshawnthomas9023]

Exactly

[@mayab.1633]

That part.

[@paulinamalek1788]

100 percent right

[@roka2031]

so true, if you really enjoy talking to someone you would make the time...the reason you don't ,is because, you don't really enjoy talking to that person that much..lol

[@alexandraanderson3988]

Well who knows there could be people that busy but could just make time for you later just to try keep in touch if they want too

[@SBoy3.0]

Adrienne & Jeannie: going off about not wanting to check in on their friends. Garcelle: Do you take offense if someone treats you like that? Other ladies: *crickets

[@oliviashelton5636]

You are so right.. because they would feel some kind of way if the shoe is on the other foot

[@dreasheart5098]

Yes because they wouldn't like it if it was done to them.

[@dennishaedwards4017]

Caribbean people would say "they hate what the claim they love"

[@dennishaedwards4017]

They seem to have superiority complex like they're the rich famous one so ppl better be checking on them ready to catch up when they are and then leave them alone to be important but they dont have time to return the favor cuz they need to feel loved and important

[@CrystalDatingCoach]

Yes. This is what happens to Women who have boyfriends or a Married. When the Relationship is over...they're without friends.

[@jljacobs0127]

My best friend and I have been friends for almost 22yrs. We don’t talk often and because we don’t live close to each other we have only visited with each other a few times since I moved away. When we talk it’s like no time has past. That’s how it should be!!! Our friendship is just easy!

[@Larissa64740]

Yes!

[@thunder8185]

Omg I have a best friend for over 20 years and the friendship is the same. None of us is offended if time has passed as we now live far away, both mothers and working. When we meet up it's like no time has passed.

[@jljacobs0127]

@@thunder8185 that’s how it should be!

[@bonjour_mal]

Same! We met at 8 and 9 and now we’re 31 and 32. She lives in Tennessee and I live in Michigan. We don’t talk on the phone that frequently, but when we do it’s for hours and if there’s a gap of time neither of us take it personal. But we both know if we needed each other at any moment in time we’d be there in a heartbeat! There’s an infinite amount of love and respect between us and that’s key for true and lasting friendships :)

[@Thesilentvoice...]

That's great and it's not a low maintenance friendship because you both are invested in seeing each other when you do, and are both happy to pick up where you left off. Low maintenance friends are acquaintances to be honest. You only speak when its convenient or you have nothing to do. One person always feels used and the other is not emotionally there. You and your friend sound like a geniune friendship.

[@valeries3829]

I love how Jeannie and Adrienne had ZERO response when Garcelle flipped the switch on them. That moment was so telling to their character, they have everything to say about what other people do in a certain situation but go silent when speaking about how they'd answer to the same situation. I'm with Loni... if I want to talk to you, I call. If you don't answer - all good you might be busy, catch you later.

[@DreamsAreForWeaving]

reminds me of when Tia was trending for saying if your friends dont contact you during the pandemic what to do with them or whatever. PPL turned on her asking her if she even bothered to check in with them. She deleted that tweet fast

[@moreevidence3179]

@@DreamsAreForWeaving who’s PPL?

[@lindok]

@@moreevidence3179 people

[@nelly_008]

Oh wow. Tia really said that? Damn. Get over yourself. People are trying to stay sane here, we’ve never experienced this before, some are without steady income or getting sick and we don’t know how to prevent this virus. We’re all doing the best we can.

[@ck1098]

I think Adrienne would respond the same way regardless. She seems like she wouldn't care. Jeannie, on the other hand, surprised me because in a previous topic, she was the one strongly calling Adrienne out for this. Garcelle's question probably reminded her of that lol. So it seems that being in a (good) relationship NOW, she is happier than before hence "low" maintenance suits her. Friendship is a two-way street. Do onto others as you want done to you.

[@deem132]

being a low maintenance friend is one thing but it’s also important to be considerate. friendship is a 2 way street.

[@NellieKAdaba]

Amen

[@CrystalDatingCoach]

If I have to "guilt trip" you...your not my friend. Everyone has time to DO what they want. Here in Italy families get together every weekend. Friends organize Dinners at home and Restaurants to stay in touch. I think we forgot the meaning of "Friends". There not the person you call when you have NOTHING better to do or no plans with your boyfriend or husband.

[@janejustin1788]

very true

[@SultryNeoSoul]

Adrienne is my girl but she sounds like a bad friend. Nobody: Adrienne: don’t be asking me to hang out. And definitely don’t expect me to reach out. You want consistency??? Who do you think I am… your friend🤔

[@PSALMSOFSONGS]

Is it bad to say I don't like to be bothered, lol? Serious question

[@megblue1]

In some way I do feel a bit like that too

[@Shalayah2010]

@@PSALMSOFSONGS you sound like a bad friend . Friendships are like relationships. There should be effort on both ends.

[@thelifeuchoose]

@@Shalayah2010 absolutely

[@TheRedScareIsAlive]

@@Shalayah2010 and you sound judgemental. Loving someone is accepting the things that bring you together equally with the things that make you different. If your an extrovert that is very social and like to be active, you can demean your introverted friend for not wanting to do those things. If I love someone (whether it's a friend or romantic partner), I don't want to force the ones I love to be anything but themselves. An introvert isn't going to constantly want to socialize with you. It doesn't make them a bad person. Ma'am you sound like a bad friend.

[@melc8388]

a bit hypocritical....I bet if any of the ladies were single today they would glad to have some friends!! You make time for people you care about...i guess those friends they talking about not really close

[@dreasheart5098]

I agree that you shouldn't guilt trip people but you should be able to be transparent about how you feel whats important to you and it is important to spend quality time in friendships and keep in touch. I just feel like I view relationships and friendships differently. Keeping in contact is important and friendships should be mutual.

[@josephinebournes8212]

Exactly 💯 I'd never be friends with someone like Adrienne.

[@MaryBieber7]

Loni seems like a great friend ❤

[@alexandraanderson3988]

Mmmm hmmm😊

[@Pampy93]

Adrienne is so right! Sometimes I want to catch up with people but I don't really have much to say, now instead of making up stories I'll just be honest and tell them I miss you, just thought about you etc

[@melissalitus8879]

To be honest I haven't seen family members/friend due to covid and cases rising. I let them know I miss them and once everything gets better I'll see them but I don't like that pressure or guilt of why you can't come see me? 😕 it's a pandemic I am trying to be safe out here😩 but I can sense some family members don't rock with me like that because of it

[@1000ricorocks]

But if you never bother to check-in or respond to a friend who asks to see you/hangout, sorry you aint a good friend! Meanwhile, i have sent 6 'thinking of you, miss you!" texts but you never have sent me any

[@crystalmasters8582]

Sometimes you need to be checked though. My Dad once said ..’you got a quarter’ ‘yeah dad?!’ ‘You ok?’ ‘ good maybe you can call me then’ 💜I miss him. If only a quarter could get to him now 💔❤️‍🔥💔

[@minianoiz6492]

That is so sweet 😢😭❤❤ I wish I had a dad saying this to me. Be grateful you had an awesome daddy. 💜

[@crystalmasters8582]

@@minianoiz6492 thank you! I really truly did. Do. His last words were ‘Bye, I’m going to the dark side of the moon’ All through life he’d told me, since we lived 16 hours away from each other, to just look up at the moon cause he was seeing the same one 🙏🏽🌑🙏🏽

[@crystalmasters8582]

I am sorry for that missing piece💜I wish every soul had the love that he had for me. All we can do now is give it on. Loving you!!

[@ritajit4730]

@@crystalmasters8582 I am writing this through my tears, you never truly miss someone until they're gone..that is so true- I lost my dad & I check in on my mum

[@Nyokagreen]

I've been labeled an extreme empath by 2 different phychologist. Before understanding what this meant, I couldn't understand why I seemed to be having the "EXACT" same relationship over and over and over! It was like dating the same person with a different look and smell! They all started out the same, they were all the same midway through, and they all ended pretty much the same. Their lives as children were the same, they grew up the same ways and all. I SIMPLY COULDN'T UNDERSTAND IT! Then once it was broken down it began to make since. As an empath, not only were they attracted to me but I to was attracted to them, unknowingly. I felt the need to help them, give them the benefit of the doubt, love them unconditionally, etc. It's been a long road dealing with my situation and learning how to spot a narcissist when they are in the gaslighting stage and learning how to bow out gracefully without alerting them of my observation. I thank God daily because for years I believed it was all me. That I was doing something wrong, that I wasn't good enough, that I needed to change my ways. You guys should do an entire episode on Narcissists, Narcissistic behavior, and how to leave a relationship with a narcissistic person. It's very relevant, especially today. I think that in the African American community , we don't really understand what it means to be a narcissist or what it means to be in a relationship with a narcissist. I KNOW I'LL BE WATCHING!!!!! Be Blessed Ladies!!!!!

[@britbritnicole]

Yass Loni, don’t get upset about not hearing from me when I don’t ever hear from you

[@melissalitus8879]

Facts people never call or text you but expect you to reach out to them all the time smh

[@enidwellness100]

I always say: you have my number 🤷🏻‍♀️ ✌🏼

[@allthingsbeauty9175]

Can you guys let Garcelle talk 🙄

[@Shalayah2010]

Adrienne sounds like the kind of friend when she gets into a relationship she throws her friends to the side.

[@alexandraanderson3988]

Hmmmm🤔

[@goodbye6395]

Low maintenance relationships aren’t really what they are made out to be. To me, low maintenance relationships equate to I will only hit you up when I need something. If I don’t need nothing, you won’t hear from me. I’m starting to realize that this is how my “low maintenance” friendship is. I’m only contacted when I’m needed for something.

[@OfficalMeesha]

Or you’re the “strong” friend who’s always the listener & advice giver who never gets the same attention in return. It drains my energy & I refuse to be friends with someone who isn’t there when I need them. Had to let it go

[@goodbye6395]

@@OfficalMeesha you too? you just explained me to the T. 😩

[@Sassy_Muffin136]

Accurate! People just sugar coating the fact that they don’t want to actively be putting effort into the friendships by saying they like “low maintenance friendships”

[@Dallas3212]

@@OfficalMeesha Omg mee too~!!!!!!! Wow , so I'm not the only one experiencing this huh!

[@Salsero12]

Sorry I don't need low maintenance friends.

[@JuiCyNess08]

Like Adrienne really said this? Lol like imagine saying I have a low maintenance husband. I feel relationships whether with your partner or friends need to be fostered and fed. Who wants a friend that doesn’t care smh

[@Salsero12]

@@JuiCyNess08 I want normal maintenance. 🤣 Low maintenance aren't friends... That's an acquaintance.

[@nialapin]

Me neither, I don't personally get anything out of a low maintenance friendship... it's just an acquaintanship at that point.

[@melissalitus8879]

Facts it's all about balance to me. We don't have to call or text all the time but I want to know how you are doing and I want to be checked on as well. If you can't do the bare minimum then why bother being friends? Lol we can be acquaintances that's it

[@alext3480]

@@melissalitus8879 sameeee but i want more

[@Salsero12]

Don't guilt trip but do express to your friends that you love them and what you need. If you feel you need to hear more from them it's ok to say that and if they care they will listen.

[@melissalitus8879]

Facts never overplay your role either make time for people who make time for you 💯

[@melissalitus8879]

@Kris-Ann Kingyens facts it's true. I cut a lot of people off for that because I wasn't getting the same energy in return 💯

[@dreasheart5098]

Yes

[@KenasDanielle]

@@melissalitus8879 Same as you, and I'm a "low maintenance" friend, just like Loni said I understand you hitting me up later on but there is a point where I feel like it's just direspectful, and it means to me that you don't care that much so why would I anymore ?

[@chandlersampson]

Let's normalize setting boundaries with/cutting off family members 🙌

[@43cassy]

💯💯💯

[@missparker211]

Yes!

[@CreepinItReal]

Yess say it again please

[@NN-re7cy]

Absolutely! Maybe there’s a reason that family member “hasn’t heard from you.”

[@melissalitus8879]

It's Important to create boundaries with everyone in your life or else they'll start taking advantage of you. Be respectful and let them know what you will or won't tolerate 💯 sometimes yall might disagree but be open and have open communication at all times. I give the same energy that you give me. Never overplay your role in someone's life cause you might put them first and they end up putting you last 🗣

[@swinxfee]

I completely disagree. You can be understanding of someone’s situation (not guilt tripping) but still want someone to miss you from time to time. There is nothing wrong with wanting to spend time with people you love. I won’t get mad if we have barely spoken for weeks or months because of circumstances BUT I AINT NOBODY’S “LOW MAINTENANCE FRIEND”. Low stress friend. Yess. High understanding and positivity. Yesss. Low maintenance? Hellll nooo

[@vanoyblake290]

💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯 straighttttttt up

[@isabellejoseph3387]

But also I hate people who don’t return the efforts you make. I call and they’re “so busy” but could make time for everyone 😴✌🏾over wit

[@phaiag1727]

I have a friend who I've known for like 15+ years who was like a brother to me and at some point he just stop answering my texts. So one day I asked him about it and he said point blank "I only text my sister and my wife" and I'm like oh.... And that's that. I see him in person maybe two/three times a year and it's great but otherwise he's just sort of a background character and that's okay. You can be friends with someone from a distance BUT if you do feel like you're being ignored you should take some initiative to plan something. But if they keep flaking or just don't have time for YOU, then you have to make peace with that. The only person you can depend on to be there for you 100% of the time is you and maybe your spouse (and the man above if you're religious). Work on those relationships.

[@alext3480]

who that relationship is gone now

[@kaylee7639]

That sounds really unkind and hurtful of him to be honest. I'm sorry that happened. You deserve more than to just be a background character in someone's life.

[@djm2985]

Maybe his wife had an issue with him texting you. I'm sorry if this affected you in any way.

[@deseregeraud4749]

Loni is a good friend I can tell.

[@jordiem8059]

Maybe it's my age or that I'm just more of a high maintenance friend but I 100% disagree with what Adrienne was saying in the beginning. She sounds like a really sucky friend TO ME

[@kaylee7639]

Yes, I thought exactly the same thing. Seems like she doesn't care or doesn't want to make the effort or something

[@Shalayah2010]

Same. Friendships are like relationships. There should be effort on both ends.

[@Keepbe]

Adrienne seems like the type of friend to ghost you when she’s in a relationship and pop up again when single.

[@Dallas3212]

lmaoooooo!!! those them set!! They let a man take over their whole world; they get very brandnew with a man! I so dislike those set!

[@alexandraanderson3988]

That would seems toxic to me just saying if she was to do that not saying she is just hypothetically speaking in general I guess🤔🤨🥴🤭

[@MarlinaDangervil]

The way I can picture Mamma Mai whenever Jeannie brings up something she said 😂 Gotta appreciate Mamma Mai 🤍

[@jljacobs0127]

I can picture her reaction also!

[@mandys1038]

That's because Jeannie does such a good job imitating her, you can just imagine her in Jeannie's place. Its gold!

[@rhirsch2014]

I loooove how Adrienne said “it’s OK to say I miss you“

[@angescobedo]

People in relationships are the ones who think like this and it’s sad that we put more emphasis on a significant other versus friendships. God forbid that relationship doesn’t work out. You’re gonna want your girls there.

[@janejustin1788]

I feel like Andrienne (from what she says in all conversations regarding friendships) is one of those women who only want many close friendships when she is single

[@melc8388]

@@janejustin1788 this comment! friendship only applies once they single lol

[@alexandriat5950]

💯

[@RociGranados]

Love this post

[@kw6724]

I agree with you but to an extinct. I noticed that a lot of women do tend to kick their friends to the curb for their relationship, then use their friends as a rebound the moment their relationship take a left. But then you have women like me, who is married but genuinely enjoys my me time. I personally don’t like to be bothered by ANYONE all the time lol I absolutely hate obligations… I totally agree with you though for the ones that strictly does it because they’re in a relationship. The crazy thing is most men wouldn’t DARE kick their friends to the curb for a relationship. Some women truly need to stop the foolishness.

[@ltsoul9751]

"I miss you" isn't said enough, if at all in friendships sadly. It's honest. Barely said in relationships or family.

[@MajesticMyronn]

I think the kinds of people that are high maintenance are those who have high expectations based off the amount of history & the experiences they have had with a person who may have shown high maintenance before they became low maintenance ! I’m low maintenance depending on the person and the situation but im usually high maintenance so I expect the same in return ! Like you never know what someone’s going through or what’s going on so If u text me or HMU im answering ASAP like what’s going mamita ? Do we need to get sum food ? Do u need to stay over ? Do u need me to send sum money ? Do I need to come over and check on u ? Like if I even get a “ ABC is typing.,.. “ im answering as soon as that person sends the message ! Im the friend to count on lol if u wanna take a trip let’s go !!!

[@allthingzhairbyro2787]

I love tht rare to find people like tht

[@ashleyrogers1930]

Agreed. My maintenance level depends on the relationship. I think people have become so low maintenance in friendships and relationships nowadays and I find it so lazy, then their expectations for their friend are through the roof. A lot of friendships are so user-friendly where its let me see how much I can get from such and such without doing anything in return.

[@JayeKisses]

Same

[@rrtlife2167]

I need a friend like you Myronn

[@Sassy_Muffin136]

Im the same way. I grew up being a high maintenance friend and I’ve lost a lot of “friends” over years because once I stopped checking up on them, the friendship ended. Im 23 now and I’m still trying to figure out a balance in knowing who to be high and low maintenance with. It sucks having to adjust who you are to avoid getting hurt but I guess that’s just how it is. People don’t know how to be friends but will kiss their significant other’s ass. Or they will give you the bare minimum and give others effort.

[@SongOfSirensTarot]

I just want to say these ladies seems so genuinely happy to work with one another. Also, the hair, makeup, lighting, and fashion team are on point ! These ladies look gorgeous 😍

[@Carlyon100]

If you have to be guilt tripped to reach out to someody they are not really part of your inner circle, but more likely in the casual friend zone. We really overuse the term friend and ought to realize that their are different levels, interests, values and needs when it comes to people who we are friendly with. Sometimes the current situation brokers certain intimacies like hosts on a talk show.

[@mariabautista378]

Sometimes people are genuinely hurt or they miss you and just don't know how to express it properly so it may come off as "guilt tripping". I'm so surprised by jeannie and Adrienne response.

[@alext3480]

people just lie. i have just realize this. i love hanging out and it sucks people don't feel the same way

[@loveinthewebb6168]

Low maintenance friendships - YES!!

[@ericaallen1799]

We need to learn how to be there and support one another on a consistent basis. You shouldn't feel obligated to be someone's friend, but if you are having a hard time I'm sure you would want a friend to be there and support you and you should be able to be there and support them. I hate how society has viewed being a friend and extending kindness as a burden. I like how Loni said that she will check in with her friends. And I think it starts there. Let someone know that you are thinking about them and that they matter to you. A lot of us don't get the same love that we give to others. And some of those people are not being "needy," they just want to talk and catch up. Just listening to someone tell you about their day can save a life. It ain't that deep or difficult to be a friend.

[@kimc5098]

THISSSS

[@valerie4912]

The people who respond with “hey stranger” 🤢

[@ivyg4075]

Amen to low maintenance friendships!

[@michellement2158]

Hm . Guilt tripping . I’ve done both . The I miss you followed up with the guilt trip but I’ve only really done it to best friends or family (especially family cuz they always do it first!) If I put you in a low maintenance category we not friends . Cuz that means I barely deal with chu call it what it is - an associate or hell someone I used to kno . No one in there right mind puts a close friend in a low maintenance category I’m not buying it . I used to think when you have lots of history with someone but don’t talk for LONG periods of time and then whn y’all do tlk it’s like y’all nva stopped - I used to think I was ok with that but I’m not . I value my relationships and I feel we all deserve the type of friends we want and to be good friends to others . This is why it’s important to ask pple wht they want Wht are their expectations Whts their love language . History determines nothing the history is that we WERE best (*high* maintenance) friends and somewhere in between life got busy for long periods of time & we stopped tlkn . but bc of tht history I still allow you to stay in a category & In a role you no longer play? Bc of “history” no , you have now been dropped to associate or better - off the map completely , and someone else has been hired for the BF position . If I call you a “friend” of any sort tht means I have to feel tht you are truly being a friend to me . Why keep allowing you to have tht title whn it’s no longer deserved ? Call a spade a spade and stop holding on to pple to feel like you have so many tht care for you when you probably don’t . Thts just the reality . Love yourself

[@janejustin1788]

true

[@rrtlife2167]

Yesss, you are my type of friend!

[@vidoyonwerebecca22]

Adrienne girlll 🙄 you are definitely high maintenance

[@pricillaoliva4782]

BRB. Texting my friends that I miss them 🥺

[@marijaristic9532]

But when you are always there for other ppl and then they ghost you and have other obligations, that is disrespect. I will ghost yoy next time or guilt trip gladly

[@a.whychild6591]

A’s husband sounds like he was requesting an I Statement of sorts. An ownership of your own feelings. Say I missed you instead of antagonizing someone else’s use of their own time.

[@Remi_marie]

I feel like this topic begs the question is it a connection or an attachment?

[@amohammed5]

Emotional intelligence. Ppl that have low vibrations and lack boundaries.....I purposely stay away from them.

[@shareenaovermeyer8110]

My only point is a phone works both ways

[@Thesilentvoice...]

No one says let's accept/promote low-maintenance relationships/marriages, do they? So why is it okay with friendships? If you don't want to be friends with no one why not just say that to people instead of low-maintenance friendships? Those aren't the same as picking up where you left off friends, they still talk to you and invest in you/vise versa when you do speak. They still check up on you from time to time. Low maintenance friends give you the vibe of only being used for when it is convenient. Adrienne sounds like she doesn't want friends outside of her family and that's okay. She should just say so instead of ''low maintenance friends''.

[@Nlovexo]

Adrienne, you are always speaking up first this season. Please let the girls get their chance too.

[@georgiawhite7314]

Yes i was thinking the same about Adrienne.

[@EverydayEboni]

Loni is owning the fall fashion!

[@brooklynforever1990]

This my sister she’s an emotional leech. No ma’am, not today ✋🏽

[@louislane4755]

What I’m seeing in the comments is the difference between introverts and extroverts. Extroverts are offended that introverts don’t want to talk and introverts feel smothered when extroverts want to talk. I think it’s about understanding and finding a balance for both people. I’m an introvert and only certain people will hear from me because talking to people is draining. It’s not because I’m a bad friend - it’s just a different personality type and that’s okay.

[@doneecemcneil7826]

Hi edagdwg being a real person keeping up with your friends and family I do because when I see you we talk so we don't feel Like strangers linda j. Peace

[@yeyamusic]

Low maintenance friendships!! 👏🏽👏🏽💯

[@ValentinoQ]

Omggggg Ima try that tip at the end!!! Thanks Adrienne!! I be like that towards my man sometimes

[@jaz1elise]

Amazing conversation on healthy boundaries! I'm still learning how to set healthy boundaries for myself when dealing with toxic family members.

[@itsjustmeflo8684]

Adrienne took the words right of my mouth when she spoke about, having low maintenance friends! Cause I LITERALLY get anxiety when people always invite me to stuff, or text me and expects a quick response lol bro, I Am BUSY!!!! Lol but damn it’s awkward asf when they try and front you on your absence.

[@kiva2977]

This topic was so so needed right now.

[@TheFuronda]

Don't make me feel like talking to you is a job bc I will for sure distance myself from you.

[@oneinamillion8037]

Relationships are valuable, you should always take time to check on people, you never know what they have going on. When you're so busy, you may not realize you need them as well. I would be careful with having that type of attitude of feeling bothered if someone let's you know they haven't heard from you. Life is short and you definitely don't want that regret if something happens to someone. Atleast, there are people that care about you, some people don't have that. No one gets to where they are alone, don't forget about the old friends and family that stood by you! Ijs

[@janwoburn447]

I will apologize for being late to an invitation or not calling as often as I can to maintain communication however I can not apologize for establishing boundaries esp if I have verbalized and expressed my feelings and opinions for the sake protecting my peace and friendships with the most well intentions

[@andreaslynn]

I relate to how Adrienne feels, and I also made it a point to not get too close or over share in friendships, but then I realized a couple years ago that was why I didn’t have friends 🥴😂. So, I had to push myself to be better about reaching out, texting back (I still struggle lol) and being more vulnerable, so that I can show more effort in my friendships. It is a gift, as an adult, to have solid friendships. Sometimes, we can call people needy and all they’re asking for the bare minimum. We know the difference between someone who cares and someone who is doing too much. The change has definitely been worth it from my experience.

[@kakikarei]

Loni IS the clingy friend. We have seen her with Tamera.

[@mariamatthews2352]

That’s the one Loni. That phone works both ways.

[@shaedavis53]

Honestly, I am a complete introvert!! I have no friends. At first, it bothered me but after seeing how people can turn on you without thinking, I made the right decision. I do hope to one day find one person that I can build a friendship with but other than that, no friends wanted or needed 💯🙏

[@Kay456Ms]

✨Here's to genuine and healthy friendships!✨

[@43cassy]

Some family members will guilt trip you when you try to break away from narcissistic toxic family, so be careful. Healthy boundaries and cutting off anybody that doesn’t serve you will always be the best option. Honestly, if you consider someone a low maintenance friend that means that you are not invested in wanting to get to know them in that way…it’s bread-crumbing. Because no matter how busy you are, you will make time for people and things you really want. They are really just acquaintances. Don’t have time for that. No time for ambivalent, opportunistic, manipulative people posing as “friends” either. Take all of that time and energy and give to people who bring joy to your life and will help and support you on your journey towards your highest destiny. Peace & light!💫

[@bmarie5509]

Yeap my aunt and cousin, I try to stay away because of the toxic “I’m obligated to have your time whenever I want” and boom they steady trying to message me out the blue

[@JayeKisses]

Ugh my dad does this to me all the time! It gets on my nerves! He’ll call out of the blue & be like “I haven’t heard from u.” or “Guess u just ain’t gonna call your dad.” & I be like “U work crazy hours & idk your schedule I just know that sometimes u have been at work for 2 days straight plus your job is super dangerous & I don’t want to distract u. So when u have some free time just call or text me because I have a lot more free time than u do?” & he still continues to guilt trip me about not calling him & I be like “That works 2 ways Daddy y don’t u call me especially when u barely even pick up the phone & take forever to call me back?!” it’s so stressful. He’ll also say things like “Have u called your sister?” or “Have u called your grandparents?” & be like “U need to call them show them that u care.” 1 day I got so fed up with him saying that I flat out said “Y do I always have to be the one that has to reach out y can’t they call me?! The phone works 2 ways Daddy y don’t they just call me!” Like god please stop putting all of this weight,pressure,& responsibility on me when I’m the youngest!

[@KenasDanielle]

I recently did that and my friend at the time acknowledge it but it was more going on and I felt like we didn't went to the roots of it, now I have cut her off... I'm upset but also I've realised that I might be also at fault but it's not entirely clear as to why tho ? I am so upset and so hurt right now, I just hope my heart move on real quick, it's sickening just thinking of it, especially all of those years

[@tryin2beehappygolucky431]

I love this discussion. Y'all had great vibes here. Smiles, and open hearts.

[@NellieKAdaba]

Love it too.

[@djm2985]

I know I'm not "that" friend. If you need something I have it's yours. But as far as hanging out all of the time and calling all of the time I'm not your girl. Those that truly know me understand I'm all about my family. Those that know of me still struggling with the thought of me not coming around as often as they would like.

[@osimeon00]

You're an acquaintance, not a friend. And that's okay. Just don't call yourself what you're not. A phone call takes less than 5 minutes.

[@lilytrevino8810]

Jeanie has been looking bomb bomb

[@SOSKinu]

What I say is: "It takes two to not call."

[@randimarshals1259]

Garcelle needs to invest in a wig if that is what she want to wear, GIRL LET THIS ONE GO or get it styled. It looks like she hangs it at the door grabs it on the way out, it is greasy just cheap.

[@teresamarie7460]

While I appreciate boundaries, I need for people to keep this same energy when today or tomorrow isn't promised to that person...

[@jesseseale2558]

My mom guilt tripped me for money for about 3 years, even during the pandemic. When I finally had it, I told her off and set the boundary about it. She got mad and defensive about her behavior. She used me for her personal benefit and I’m trying to get back all the earnings I lost because of her. All I want from her is to her apologize for financially abusing me but that’s not going to happen. I don’t care for her anymore. I blocked, deleted, and cut her out of my life.

[@lawtraf8008]

that's your mum wtf. How can you cut her off your life because of money ?

[@jbboykin2000]

@@lawtraf8008 same way I had to distance myself from my mom b/c she was making me suicidal and depressed.

[@phaiag1727]

@@lawtraf8008 Sad to say but not all moms are good moms.

[@marioher4978]

@@lawtraf8008 yes I can if she be asking for too much and tried to guilt me into giving her more. I give what I think is enough

[@alext3480]

@@lawtraf8008 shut up

[@newsproducervashti]

I don’t like it at all. Don’t remind me that it’s someone’s birthday. Don’t remind to reach out to someone to check in. I keep in contact with the ppl I’m most close to and where the support and love is reciprocated.

[@Mariamamay]

I had a “friend” that had NO job, but did house projects and sometimes wouldn’t hang out. Like if you didn’t want to hang just say that. That irks me. Like girl you ain’t doing nothing how you busy? She was low key jealous of me though. Her and her sister. Smh

[@raynettescoggins702]

Jeannie is my favorite, she is so funny; especially when she talks about her Mom. Hillarious 😂

[@ServantofJesus247]

Low maintenance means you don't want to work to maintain the relationship. I'm cool with you not being always available but let me know. Communicate. It's called courtesy

[@soobright]

If you’re impure then stay away from people who are because they will expose you

[@adelitenyamhanga7823]

This is why Garcelle is a great addition. Give her her Emmy already.

[@anunez3450]

This chat was so eye opening so I'm going to practice right now. I don't need my ex's family to guilt trip me into doing something that's not happening naturally. you do you and I do me. In God's time we will break bread together.

[@hannahhan03]

From the comments,I have realised that I don't usually check on friends except times I feel guilty from their constant calls. Honestly they do cross my mind every day but calling is really not my thing and I come off like i do not work enough to keep a relationship. I want to change this but I don't know how. I could think of someone,plan on calling them and then they will randomly call before I do and when i tell them i was just about to or thinking about them,it comes off like a lie.🤦🏿‍♀️

[@steph_steph876]

I used to be someone that's checking in and visiting friends. Be the first to text, to call and see what's up UNITIL I got a bit busy in 2016 and I rarely did it and what I realised is that I would rarely get any calls/visit if ever. So it seemed as if everyone had more going on than I did why I had all the time in the world (which I really didn't have I probably just cared more) why I would be the one to always do it. Suffice to say since then...I hate to say it....I really dont call anyone or text. And come to realize now due to other circumstances that these people really dont care about me and maybe that is why they were that way toward me. The way they have responded in other situations have proven this to be true. So now I may respond to status if I feel like or like a pic but that's it. Everyone for me now are acquaintances and that's as far as it goes for me.

[@divineobakhena4379]

The wisdom of Loni

[@mariamatthews2352]

I actually think it’s very weird when people get mad bc their friend doesn’t constantly talk to them. Like I get if a new milestone has happened... they reached a new goal, had a baby, lost a relative... Yeah I’d be irritated like ok you didn’t even check to see if I were okay or congratulate me... but just everyday activities like no. Girl I have a child I work I have a life of my own.

[@LockedInNOW]

I’m low-maintenance friendship are understandable and the needy ones who try to guilt you or come at you crazy are the worst … it be the time to snip snip at that point !

[@biancaelmore3264]

Especially when you finally talk to them the first thing they say is, what’s up with you you have an attitude? I didn’t but I do now. I’m the low maintenance friend. I’m cool.

[@brittanymosley3649]

Its one thing to have boundaries. Its healthy. Its those that be shady as hell screaming boundaries lmao. Ppl make time for what they wanna make time for. They say boundaries but showing up and and showing out for everybody else.

[@jasmainjasmain2906]

The worst... I have no problem saying no. I don't celebrate thanksgiving and they tried to convince me to fly to them for a holiday I don't support lol like no

[@dileycacepeda9184]

I think extremes are bad. Ok, cool. Low maintenance. The truth is that if we never hang out the friendship won't be as close. You make time but also don't guilt trip me.

[@mariposa1933]

Unless you have shady dramatic family 😳😱🙄 I don’t like the ones who shade you because they haven’t kept in touch and heard from you but you’re always the one who initiates the contact in the past!

[@JayeKisses]

It’s simple for me. If u call me I’ll answer or call u back right away. U text me I’ll text u right back. U want to hang out we’ll plan & will hang out. If u don’t do anything I won’t do anything. In return if I call u I expect u to answer or call me back right away. I text u I expect u to text me right back. If I to want to hang out with u we’ll plan & will hang out. If I don’t do anything I don’t expect u to do anything. It’s that simple. It’s not about high or low maintenance it all about respect & wanting to build & grow a great bond with some one.

[@marambishti5446]

Love lonis outfit. Love All the ladies… apart from jeannie

[@beau-ti-ful5192]

I always tell people. Text me first before call. If I don't pick up or text, I will message or call you back when I am done doing my work.

[@user-e2023]

I feel like Israel is gaslighting Adrienne there. Because maybe he does really spend too long at the store, and it's not just because she misses him. Maybe she's suspicious?