We Open Up About How We’re Affected by Our Parental Trauma

We weigh in on an article that suggests some people inherit their parents’ or even grandparents’ experiences when it comes to suffering, inadvertently passing it down to our children. So we want to know: Do you have any parental trauma, and if so, how are you affected by it?
#parentaltrauma #socialskills #GirlChat

[@jaronlpitts]

I don't know what new team they hired, but this season has been great so far! Hair, makeup, styling, topics, and interviews have all been top notch. The two host interview format is the best. It feels like you're talking with friends as oppose to watching a talk show. Whoever is on the Real staff this season please keep!

[@blackbeauty4ify]

The real has a new showrunner who is black

[@lexidimaria927]

@@blackbeauty4ify wow that's make sense

[@marine_s_m_y]

I agree !

[@N2020-h1u]

Agreed! Loving Garcelle as a host, the topics have been interesting and the POV's of all the hosts have elevated so much! Growth 💯👏

[@cheyennenicole2114]

Yes I agree 💯

[@glowingup3767]

Adrienne is SPOT ON about how relationships with men were sexualised. Because I was taught to be cautious and protect myself against boys/men growing up, I still look at men and assume they’re either sexually interested in me, could hurt me in the future or that I shouldn’t be alone with them just in case. Adrienne saying this has made it click into place for me.

[@bellaapple2166]

Just imagine what it would have been like for you had you not been warned? For example. My mother never talked to me about my body changing, or that boys/men are now attracted to my early developed body. She never talk to me about inappropriate touching, sex, or men and their predatory behavior. So do you want to know how many times I have been touched, assaulted, groped, and more? Too many times to count. I was completely naive to men as it relates to sexual contact. I did not know what to do when those things happened, I wasn't prepared, I didn't know it was bad, I didn't know I was doing things that included sexual contact. Had my mom had conversations with me about this I would know to run, or that it was bad. Fast forward to today I am a grown woman every single day I get sexually harassed when I walk out the door. I wish I could tell you your mom was wrong, but she wasn't. She most likely protected you from life long therapy.

[@rtmusicvideos431]

I mean let’s be real that is something that actually happens so is a valid concern but we should be careful with how we apply that concern and with who. Like the hosts said it’s probably best to have boundaries with men you don’t know well but be more open with those you trust.

[@mirabella2154]

Be happy that you had such a great mom that raised your awareness.

[@glowingup3767]

@@bellaapple2166 I’m so sorry you went through that ❤️

[@aena5995]

@@bellaapple2166 THIS. It's better to know then be stupid and naive

[@Leanguy89]

I think Adrianne touched a very important topic. Sometimes parents reflect their own traumas on their children. I understand their sense of protection. However, not because something happened to you it means it will happen the same way to your child. What I'm trying to say is to be careful about projecting your trauma and insecurities in your child. Raise them up safe and conscious but not traumatized by your own trauma. Sometimes we can do wrong, even when we have good intentions.

[@fee9971]

Well said!

[@fee9971]

It’s such a thin line and I know I struggle with it!

[@deestevens2883]

Truth! My mom did that...she used to tell me and my siblings to not to open the door for certain family members she didn't trust...not to trust men...and no we couldn't spend a night at other kids home. Some of that stuff did help though 😅

[@jmeiahb2608]

Perfectly said

[@filestramonay2218]

I can respect this comment and I needed to hear it! I am very overprotective of my son and even became a SAHM. I am just so scared of anyone mistreating my son. On my mom side sexual assault has happened to just about every person and I just don’t trust anyone so I don’t leave him with anyone but his grandmas and even then it’s only for a short time span. I need hep I know and I’m working on it!

[@faithfo7255]

Damn Adrienne was so honest and open in this segment

[@armykayla9971]

It almost made me emotional. She’s so honest, and I appreciate her unique experience a lot in this topic.

[@honeymoney23]

Adrienne's suit is so clean!!! Like goddamn, her stylists are winning this whole season

[@LavendrSkies]

@Mazerahti Sar She generally just wears various blazers.

[@evette8558]

All she wears are oversized suits most of the time🤷‍♀️

[@sarakhaled9768]

She looks like she is wearing her mother’s suit .. I just don’t like the fit on her .. the color is spot on however.

[@Anana315]

Am I the only one who noticed that the comment section is way more positive and respectful?? I feel like all the haters left when the show stopped being in studio. Many people wanted the show to end because it was on videoconference for too long. So it’s like they all left and now it’s only the real ones, the real fans, and I like that! 😌

[@cherylbutler9225]

No I’ve noticed too. The “Earth Disturbers” have exited the building

[@therealfan4430]

I’ve noticed they’re under the instagram comments now 😒 since The Real uploads many full clips on there as well.

[@marine_s_m_y]

Definitely!

[@raccyweir7259]

So true I am so loving the Comment section..love to read the positive comments

[@Anas-rx1he]

Idk about anyone else but I’m consciously making a point of commenting more when I like a video. The way everyone turned on The Real and the girls during the pandemic was bad. I don’t want this show to be cancelled

[@sitatheyoutuber]

I appreciate how relatable Adrienne is, raised the same way and been kept safe by a protective mother

[@crystalanamericaninsicily]

AMEN to SINGLE Mothers!!

[@crystalanamericaninsicily]

@@JaéKeaton Don't let your Past ruin your Future. You'll be OK.

[@lourainey]

It’s so hard to get over I was too, and everytime I hear about it I get so angry.

[@crystalanamericaninsicily]

@@JaéKeaton Think POSITIVE. Make a plan. Set a goal.

[@joymorris3795]

Omg I am that protective mother and I don't wanna harm my children who are boys but I believe if they could do it to a child it doesn't matter the sex . Ugh very big eye opener and I pray I haven't damaged them

[@Truther1903]

I love when Loni opens up because she’s so wise and can teach so many young woman a lot of lessons

[@C2G2]

👍🏿

[@lilhonni]

Seriously?? …ok

[@Mariofan2479]

Girl wtf? Adrienne just opened her heart out and you talk about Loni. Girl GTFO

[@aaronbynum8968]

Yes

[@josephlovely7759]

What if there's another group who relates more to what Loni shared? None dismisses the other

[@yulnikita]

I think Adrienne's mom did a great job. It's rare to stay safe in that way throughout your childhood.

[@cicigetthat07]

Agreed...definetly being like that with my daughter

[@crystalanamericaninsicily]

Definitely. From the BRONX to Hollywood and becoming a Millionaire.

[@anonnona6433]

Exactly. It's hard to balance this one. Children are molested by the people closest to them. Cousins, uncles, name it. So really you cannot label anyone as safe or unsafe just basing on their blood relationship with the child. It comes down to the character of the person. 🙆🏽‍♀️🙆🏽‍♀️

[@leilajones5811]

@@crystalanamericaninsicily she’s from the lower east side Manhattan not the bronx

[@serenah.2150]

She's not discussing it like it was something wrong for her mother to do she's simply saying the effect it had on other parts of her life. What I believe parents want is a well-rounded child so when a child is taught to be emotionally stunted in a particular area because they were taught to be overly cautious from a young age do to something negative happening to someone else so that it wouldn't happen to them. It caused a ripple effect on her emotional connection to men in her life. If you want to get a little bit deeper and also can be connected to how she relayed or dated people in the past. And if you are a long-time show watch her when she discusses many of her past relationships you'll see that there was a pattern for some for certain part of time until she made a decision to no longer adhere to that pattern. But again I'm talking from the child's perspective because trauma is not just the bad things you experienced it's also the good things you are never allowed to experience those are also trauma

[@LeFKay]

I admire Adrienne’s transparency.

[@annies6566]

K. Flay

[@alexchang1313]

This was such a good convo. This show has not lost its steam.

[@Ri-rp7ly]

As a sexual abuse survivor myself, I really understand and admire Mama Nilda. It does suck that Adrienne missed out on the bonding moments with Papi Lindo, but I'm so happy for her that she's making it up now. I also agree my kids will not be sleeping at their friends house but instead MY house where I can have my eyes on them when needed. A lot of my moms traumas fell onto my lap as well as my own trauma and it scares me to think of the mother I can possibly be but like Loni said that's where therapy is much needed. Thank you ladies for being so real on this episode.

[@j.cutrone]

The topics this season are top tier. Producers, y'all are doing amazing!

[@MaleOrderBride]

I know, right?! The show feels so much classier now that Tamar is gone! 😊

[@carmenblk440]

@@MaleOrderBride tamar has been gone for years now

[@marilyn1984]

@@MaleOrderBride ummm don’t do that because they topics for the last four/five years have been corny this is season they’re good and tamars been gone for a longgggg time so don’t Do tamar like that Bc when she was on the show the topics were good even with her attitude tamar was always real and everyone knows the first two seasons Were the best seasons which tamar was on 🤷🏽‍♀️. Then the Show became very biased and fake and still is the topics are just better 🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️. The real talks about being real but is very fake and out of touch with reality.

[@kokosworldofficial]

@@MaleOrderBride but you still stuck on her? lol Sis been gone from the show.

[@djm2985]

My parents being married of over 40 years not knowing how to communicate not only with us but with each other. They never learned how to sit down and talk things out without arguing. Or allowing us to have an opinion without it being seen as disrespectful. I didn't realize I had the same issue of not communicating properly until several years of being married and made a decision with God's help of not "exploding" during an exchange with my husband. And he had to learn not to "run" like leave the house instead of actually sitting down to resolve the issues. Also, my kids can definitely express themselves. But I make sure they also understand there is a difference between having an opinion and being disrespectful with your opinion.

[@SierraLyons]

Wow this sounds just like my parents/household. I’m not married yet but I’m definitely breaking that generational curse of not communicating calmly and effectively

[@deestevens2883]

Yes... so much stuff goes on behind doors

[@ornellabasua5752]

Thanks for sharing yr story.

[@soxpuff]

Sounds exactly like my parents and household too

[@amikahs]

This is everything, well said.

[@KhanyaModipa]

I think we can do away with an audience permanently. This format is PERFECT!

[@sabrina.natalie]

Yeah, I agree.

[@drtash21]

I agree. I love how REAL they are being this season. I doubt they would be this raw and transparent with an audience present.

[@jalondradavis2473]

It seems like it makes the conversations more intimate, nuanced, and have more depth. No one is directing their comments to the audience and trying to get claps or approval, so there's more vulnerability and complexity. These four have good chemistry.

[@TruePathLiving]

I think what I love most about the ladies from the real is how down to earth they are. It feels like talking to my friends.

[@patriciagurwitz509]

This show is so educational. Topics from A-to-Z and always done respectfully. But when the ‘funny’ is on... these ladies are hysterical.😘👏😂👍🏼

[@cheyennewestbrook6966]

As someone who was sexually assaulted my someone who should have been a "safe man" I can say that there are no guarantees either way. If something is going to happen it will happen. A monster is a monster and they tend to hide themselves well. The person who assaulted me was my older brother and that should have been the safest of men in my life but he wasn't. But creating a safe place to go when that stuff does happen or when someone makes your child feel even uncomfortable is the real way to protect them. Things will happen that's just how it is. But creating a safe place for your child to go when things like this happen where they will be loved and protected and believed is really the way to go.

[@naiiiim]

I’m so sorry you had to go through that and I’m not even gonna say I can imagine how it was because only you can, that being said, I do believe that a monster is a monster and that no matter how “safe” you think someone is, they can turn on you and be a predator. So I feel like the best thing to teach your children, is to be open and communicate, that no matter what happens and no matter who does something to them, they can always come and tell you.

[@carlacamsprinkle]

I agree. I agree with taking certain precautions and I think that's a good thing. However, asking a child especially to carry around that constant vigilance to danger will take a toll on them mentally. On the other hand, focusing on being a safe and reliable place for them, can make children feel confident and equipped enough to deal with the many dangers out there when they do come versus being consumed by always being on the lookout for it.

[@Sharp_cetta]

I’m so sorry. For me, it was my uncle who lived with us. I’ve only ever told one person. Not because I don’t think anyone would believe me, I know they will. I just have so much trauma surrounding tones and reactions because of the hectic, chaotic, and argumentative environment I grew up in that I don’t think I would be able to handle the reaction to it but I’m in the process of trying. So I think that’s another important factor, your child can know they are loved and safe around you, but if they live in an environment where certain things cause explosive reactions (even if it’s not directed at them) they won’t want to say anything.

[@marisallanah]

Ive been assaulted by strangers, friends and family growing up...one occasion was in fact my father. Idk what the right answer is but when Adrienne first told this story about how her mother was so protective, I thought it was brilliant! I guess thats problematic and maybe theres a better way, but I just know Id be a helicopter around my kids. I get where Adrienne is coming from but I feel like its easier to live with the fear or mistrust because something "might" happen than actually working and dealing with the trauma first hand. The world just isn't safe and when it comes to the most precious things to me in life Im just not taking chances

[@Booboo97xo]

My family is exactly like this Adrienne.. I was never allowed to go to friends’ houses if there were men. 100% relate. My little sisters are now going through the same thing, not allowed.

[@jesseduh08]

My family is also the same, I believe my mother did what was best

[@Booboo97xo]

@@jesseduh08 I agree!

[@idi.h5460]

As someone who was molested, your mom is doing the right thing

[@agathachris9722]

My parents did the same thing. It took me awhile to get what a blessing that was.

[@lissihayray2227]

I honestly think parents SHOULD do this though 😅

[@GreyAce8394]

I really resonate with Adrienne’s trauma, and it got me realizing and learning about this part of myself, wow. Thank you ladies for sharing♥️🙏🏼

[@adrienneduvall8145]

They finally nailed the energy and chemistry and REAL on this show❤️

[@QueenChastity]

100%. It's perfect~

[@hanaarizk9336]

It’s the Garcelle touch

[@volcrazy89]

Anyone who watches Hello Hunay and saw Jeannie and her mom's recent huge argument knows about the parental trauma in her family. Mama Mai is a big time narcissist and a lot of that is because of how she was raised. I can relate to that 100% with my mom.

[@anonnona6433]

That's right. Mama Mai has alot of trauma and it spills through to Jeannie. Jeannie said she has the same temperament as her mother which makes it even worse. Her brothers seem to have a calmer relationship with their mom. 🙆🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️

[@chickenbaddie318]

Right how could you not believe your own blood YOUR BABY when she tells you a man touched me I can’t believe it

[@Vezy93]

@@chickenbaddie318 I don't think it was a case of her not believing Jeannie but more so how do I deal with this news and not tear my family apart

[@aria123345]

her brothers are like 12 and 15 or soemthing like that younger than her, they both have said it that she had Jeannie at 16, and then she was like 28/29 when she had her first brother so they are going to have a diffrent relationship than Jeannie with mama mai. She left home when she was 15/16, meanwhile her brothers were still in their childhood ages, so they are experiencing life differently.

[@loveafrica97]

I hear what Adrienne is saying! I grew up very guarded, anxious and just aware idk if it was parents, daily news but I was very aware! But I’m grateful!

[@divergentnews1355]

Wow. All the ladies shared very important messages here. Love how open they are. All different traumas that really affect so many people

[@ashleyrodriguez8143]

I can relate to Adriennes mom and Jeannie’s story. This one really hit me.

[@nunyabusiness3516]

They were honest and open and I appreciate it so much. I think Adrienne articulated her struggle so well! I completely understand. I understand Loni's too. I see the wall she has put up around herself her whole life. I can relate to that. Thanks ladies.

[@A22DNAL]

Adrianne....and the levels of angst, clarity, description, emotion, honesty, respect, and sincerity in which she expresses how this changed her way of thinking, seeing a situation, and having that conversation with her Mom...is next level parenting right there! And it will SURELY break any parental trauma/generational trauma b/c it has opened her mind in a way that a younger individual simply most likely wouldn't have been able to comprehend. Wow. Bravo!

[@namia1913]

I have to say, I'm loving this season, learning something new everyday, enriching and entertaining. So glad you are all back in the studio together- it feels right!

[@RoyallyPrincess]

I really enjoyed this conversation. Parental trauma is very real. Currently trying to unlearn the trauma that I've inherited from my parents.

[@Luminousone_624]

Same 💛

[@DreamsAreForWeaving]

Adrienne this made me cry.. so happy for you and your dad. Bless your mama

[@shea1219]

Can I just say, I love how Adrienne's mom protected her. I wish my mother was like that. I have many problems because my mother wasn't protective. Hate to say it, but sometimes I think my mother wanted me to be molested so I could experience the same trauma and torture she faced. I could be wrong. I think we NEED to protect our little GIRLS AND BOYS. Parents, please be careful with your children. I am not sure I want children bc of this.

[@KayQhosa]

Yes!!

[@sabrinajohnson9144]

God bless you

[@carlacamsprinkle]

I totally get Adrieenne. That hypervigilance she's describing produces an underlying level of anxiety that's always there, but so ingrained that you don't even realize as its happening that it's anxiety. That's why this realization was groundbreaking for her, to grow older and realize, "wow, what became my mental norm was actually me existing in constant anxiety. I've never really fully experienced feeling safe." I know it well and it is definitely a result of "second hand" trauma of repeatedly hearing about or witnessing someone else's suffering and feeling the need to protect yourself from that danger.

[@Tan87ful]

💯💯👏🏽👏🏽

[@chello7262]

I’m breaking every generational cycle for my girls!! 😌 it’s hard. But I’ll be damned if they ever go through what I went through! If generational trama can be passed down, so can love & healing 😇🥰😚

[@yyyid9518]

So happy that you’re able to do that ! That’s how I feel for my future children … I think about it so much so that sometimes I’m afraid of becoming a mother because I don’t want to hurt them by being over protective

[@anissa8119]

Beautiful!

[@ashleyrogers1930]

You go girl!

[@sherrijones8244]

Amen

[@chello7262]

Don’t ever let fear hold you back. I didn’t want kids because I didn’t wanna be like my parents. But I met someone who told me after I told him no marriage no kids “we don’t have to be our parents, we make our own story” made me realize he’s right. I’m not my mom or dad flaws. Yes I have childhood trauma, yes when my girls hit a certain age every year brings me back to my childhood and I get a little PTSD from it but I’m so happy I’m breaking cycles, actually seeing that they are not getting harmed like I was at their age or the trauma I saw.. I’m so happy I didn’t let fear control me. Becoming a parent I realized our parents only do what they know. They tried their best with what they had. They probably don’t realize the trauma their parents inflicted on them. We are that generation to stand up and say “no this is actually not normal let’s change this” your family might not agree with you they actually might think you trying to be better than them (my family) but guess what the family you make is more important than the family you come from! Good luck girl! I don’t have no answers but I ain’t letting fear control me no mo! Xoxo 🥰🙏🏼

[@leelee3231]

I’m so glad I watched this. I understand where Adrienne is coming from and it opened my eyes to how protective I am of my son. Molestation can mess you up forever honestly

[@BroadwayBabyyy744]

You ladies have been my saving graces. Been going through a lot and starting to declutter my life and openi g up in group, but these videos are hitting all the right notesfor me. I literally went through this...affected every aspect of my early adult life.

[@BroadwayBabyyy744]

Whats also great for me is my insight into how i treated others because of this and how it affected them in turn

[@jennymarie4073]

I love this topic, I can relate so much to alot of these stories. Im so glad this topic is a little longer than the usual 2 to 5 minutes. Seriously, there are so many gems these women drop and they move on from topics sooooo fast imo.

[@anoelsilliw5256]

I feel awful about Adrienne's lack of relationship with her father and I'm sure mama Nilda now has some guilt over the realization that her protection had some negative effects, but I also don't blame her at all for being so protective. I'm glad Adrienne is making up for the lost moments with her dad now.

[@agathachris9722]

Exactly

[@agathachris9722]

It's difficult to be with people who have deep trauma.

[@superiorts7232]

why feel awful? I think her mom did a great job at protecting her.

[@SippinTeaaa]

@@superiorts7232 Cause she contributed to Adrienne feeling uncomfortable with her own father………even if that wasn’t her intentions.

[@8luvbug]

​@@superiorts7232 do you not listen? Adrienne said because her mom was so overprotective about that, it really effected her relationship with her dad.

[@theoneandonly0099]

My parents raised me to have a similar view about keeping physical distance from men and not allowing sleep overs. I'm happy they did that and I believe I grew out of that mentality at the right time. It's always best to be overcautious in this world.

[@anonnona6433]

That's right. I think the wounds from sexual abuse from the people you trust are the hardest to heal from.

[@alexisking8495]

I think so to.

[@KayQhosa]

Yes!!!

[@yahainHotPink]

This was so well expressed and touching. Tears in my eyes for how deep this was. I hear the ladies so hard! ❤❤❤❤

[@adamsey_mame9043]

......and this is why I love this show, nobody is gonna keep it real like this wonderful ladies ❤️

[@Xitsaapril]

Adrienne i admire everything you have said and I can see and hear the growth. You’re going to be a great mom one day! Conversations and understanding are key!!!

[@asam3054]

Gosh, Adrienne! What an honest moment. Thanks for your words and transparency, it was healing for a lot of us who were brought up the same way.

[@fee9971]

Such a deep topic! I’m a bit overboard with my son and my daughter when it comes to potential predators as well. I was abused when I was a child and it defined my life bc my family blamed me. I would never want my kids to go through that so I will definitely admit, im overly cautious bc of my trauma! It’s a daily struggle that I pray my children never experience.

[@natsvsam1933]

Oh no I am so sorry to hear that your family blamed you instead of protecting you. It's such a hard NO that and takes a lot out of a person and that is just added trauma to an already traumatic experience pray that you have found peace and yes keeping your children safe and not making the same mistakes your family made is so important in dealing with it all as well. I use to tell my son I don't care who it is what they said or did if you don't like what is going on you tell me and that whole it's a secret story no if you dont like what the secret is you need to tell me don't worry what they say you tell mommy.

[@tonymolatto1904]

Wow J Mai let us in on her culture. It makes sense why they are close in that culture as well as some other cultures. They have their own world system going on.

[@Fay_Pixs]

I feel ya Adrianne. My mom was super strict too. I didn't have my first slumber party till I had my own apartment at 17 lol. When I was younger I was mad about it but as an adult hearing everyone's trauma I am glad she protected me.

[@Luminousone_624]

This season has been so great. I'm enjoying the segments and chemistry.

[@LegendaryVogueX]

I really appreciate the honesty and openness during this segment. It made me tap into things I was facing the entire time that I forgot to acknowledge.

[@iamteshannabeauty4403]

Love this segment. I just learned this in therapy. I had to get my childhood parental trauma and grief under control it was controlling my entire thought process. Childhood trauma is real.

[@accrualworld318]

Wow! Adrienne! Thank you for sharing 🙏🏾

[@jenniferwhitehead5418]

I am divorced and I have been very open with my children and I am now teaching my children what a healthy relationship is. They always are able to ask me anything about anything

[@mrswhite645]

Sleepovers are a two-edged sword for me. Being an only child, they helped me tremendously to see other families (I favored friends with siblings) and how they interacted. Plus, I learned about other customs like what keeping kosher meant or how to eat spicy foods from my friend's families. Sleepovers are some of my best childhood memories. But, I absolutely understand why people don't do it and the risks of it. I have had a couple of sleepovers for my child and I am very cautious to offer check-ins via phone/video if parents want them because we consider it a big responsibility and sign of trust to be entrusted with a kid's care.

[@SingSingSING94]

Really thankful for this segment. Four different women who have had four completely different experiences coming together to create such purposeful dialogue is extremely striking. THIS is the type of conversation I want to see happening around the world. I want people to feel safe enough to expose these parts of themselves that we all struggle with in an attempt to heal and be able to live such an enriched life full of love and happiness. My parents (and grandparents) have all gone through an immense amount of trauma and as a child it affected me in such negative ways. As a child or teenager you can only see things from your perspective so many things seem "NORMAL," but as an adult, with a very different perspective, I see how cruel and or inappropriate things were. I think this show talks about the "hard stuff" and I appreciate that as a viewer. I know television is an escape from reality at times, but it's also really meaningful to be able to watch something and relate to it and not feel like you're alone in your experiences. That there are others out there who understand and validate that your experience is a part of the path you've paved but your trauma does not have to dictate the entire journey!!

[@arieldixon661]

Wow, this was such a powerful conversation. Thank you, Adrienne, for sharing that very personal perspective.

[@luxy974]

These topics are everything!!!! Thank u to whoever is choosing these topics and thanks to the ladies for sharing and being so vulnerable and allowing us to relate and reflect on our own experiences.

[@JoshGarciaJGG]

Thank you Adrianne.. As someone that has been sexually assaulted and harassed.. I have issues with men and you've given mee some insight from a different perspective.. I hope i don't allow my trauma to become something i force on my kids because of my fears..

[@shanzrj]

That part with parents overly protecting you from sexual assault. My parents never let me sleep over at friends' houses and it was so annoying but as an adult I understand completely. Many times assault goes undiscovered and happens so unexpectedly.

[@TrueOrigins1618]

This was very useful and eye opening conversation. Helped put in perspective and give me more conviction on how I want to parent. Giving my kids the confidence to trust their gut/feel comfortable telling me anything, while note traumatizing them with specifics.

[@MayaWaya]

Adrienne articulated this PERFECTLY. 💯

[@angeladunnett143]

Really enjoying the ‘new’ Real! Topics, relationships between them all, Garcelle is a GREAT addition! Loving it all!

[@brittanyjohn6174]

Adrienne, I’m so happy you talked about it. Because I went through this, and I’m actually going thru this right now. Thanks so much for sharing our story.

[@323mell]

Adriene story is very relatable and I am Hispanic latino, I dont trust men not even when I was child I am in my late 20s now. Still feel that way

[@lorettaknoelk3475]

Yeah from repair men asking nosy questions and asking if you live alone to people giving you a ride always wanting to use your bathroom when you passed 70 bathrooms on the way to your house..... I have a really hard time saying anything but watch out for men.

[@harmanp5927]

Wow, these topics this season are particularly amazing and eye-opening! Im loving it guys, sending my love!!

[@nancydrew1882]

Wow! Adrienne’s experience put a whole new sun in things! This was a deep segment!

[@ashp928]

Ade was SO accurate. I didn’t even realize I felt this way until she said it. My dad was the same exact way she described her mom and this all just clicked for me. Wow. I’ve felt extremely uncomfortable around men my entire life and it’s bc I was raised the same way. So eye opening

[@jalondradavis2473]

I could relate to everything they were talking about in this clip, Jeannie and the financial trauma, which I have, Lonnie and witnessing all the drama, which I also have, Garcelle and the not asking for help or accepting being cared for, but Adrienne really touched me. What she was saying is so deep and real and true. It's something I am going through with wanting to protect my son from sexual abuse and also wanting him to be his affectionate, trusting self and have freedom in his body and safe, innocent intimacy with me and his father. It's so beautiful that she recognizes that her mother was doing the best she could to keep her safe and she is repairing that by having that affection and tenderness and intimacy with her father now. It's so hard and complex to protect your children without transmitting your trauma to them.

[@ConsuelaEsseboom]

I appreciate the transparency of this conversation. However, as a psychologist myself, I do think we need to distinguish clearly between adverse emotional experiences throughout the lifespan, and psychological trauma. It's great that there's much more of a spotlight on mental health issues these days but I think trauma has become a catch all term. What the ladies appear to be talking about are general behaviors from their home culture that they carry with them. Children do learn more from demonstration than from instruction. Our home is our first society and so home life plays a big part in what we consider to be normal behavior with friendships, romantic relationships, work etc. At home, children tend to take the specific behaviors from their family and expand them to general models for life. Childhood adversity is a broad term that refers to a wide range of circumstances or events that pose a serious threat to a child’s physical or psychological well-being. Trauma is one possible outcome of exposure to adversity. Trauma occurs when any person perceives an event or set of circumstances as extremely frightening, harmful, or threatening-either emotionally, physically, or both. And is unable to cope with the event(s). In Loni's case for example, it's possible that there's trauma present from the repeated violence that occurred in her household. If she, say is hyper sensitive to loud sounds in the house or is triggered by any indication of anger from an man, this could be an indication of trauma. Please note that these are just some examples. Though everyone experiences situations differently and there's no telling what will be traumatic for who, as it's happening, whether an individual is able to cope with the circumstance is a bigger indicator of traumatic psychological injury. In short, there's a difference between: "that sucked and it took me some time to work through it" and "that sucked, I am stuck in the effects and memory of the event, neurological changes have been made to my brain as a result of the event, whether through increased sensitivity of stress, fear etc." Hope that makes sense. Thanks ladies for sharing with us☺

[@alexisking8495]

This was very good. Thank you for explaining this! Can I make a note of this ?

[@AlThurayya7]

Thank you for this I think it's very important to understand the difference!

[@nicknorris3524]

I love you for this !

[@raic3283]

@@nicknorris3524 I know right!

[@Study4Yourself]

This was well written! Thank you for taking the time to share this.

[@hamedakrami9699]

Oh my god hearing how Adrienne’s relationship with her father has healed to such an amazing place??? It made me cry. I’ve watched that clip of her speaking of the distance between her and her dad so much and hearing this made me so happy for her. I hope your relationship only continues to grow Adrienne

[@ribbitquack]

Great conversation ladies. Shoutout to Jeannie for bringing up the "financial parental trauma".

[@Ana-lk7gq]

I appreciate Loni talking about emotional and physical abuse!!!!

[@sherrijones8244]

Wow..That was a powerful episode. Thank you, ladies.

[@nicoleroberts1826]

First of all great segment and really hit home because I'm actually in therapy mostly due to my parents and the fact that their actions resulted in me experiencing trauma. Specifically, resulted in me not trusting parental love. My dad abandoned me and was never truly interested in being there for me whereas my mum very kind of similar to what Adrienne was saying which was not intended but resulted that even though I love my mother and I appreciate all that she had do for me as a single mum she also emotionally neglected me to a point where I find it difficult and tense up when she hugs me or any kind of love that she gives me. Its difficult to explain with typing. I've also experienced child molestation which was something that took a long time to come to terms to and move on and again like Adrienne, my mother was also attacked and I think her traumas also spilled out on me too. Which now we kind of talk about however i need to be careful with how i say things to her as i dont want her to feel bad because i know she tried best she can. However the big lesson i did learn from her that i don't want history to repeat itself on to my children like it was with me which is why I decided to go to therapy to help me because ultimately I dont my son to ever not trust or think us his parents as being unreliable with our love or that hes not our first priority because even now with my husband those thoughts and traumas still tend to manifest themselves. Anyway I didnt really want this to be a long post however if anyone read this and helps them I'm glad and I hope you all have a good day😊

[@aishahalling1920]

I was in my first year of university when the show aired in 2013. An OG watcher! And I LOVE this show... Honestly, this is such a great format. The topics, hosts' synergy, hair, make-up it's just all on point!

[@jenniferwhitley4203]

Everything Adrienne said parallels with my life as well. Sheesh

[@itsmejaz]

DEEP! I literally can relate with Loni and Adrienne. WOW LOST FOR WORDS God wanted me to see this! Love YA’ll! THANK YOU!

[@irisrichardson831]

I have never really watched this show but I love it since they have this cast. They are so real. It's like sitting on the couch talking.

[@lynnramadan9855]

Jeannie will be an awesome mom and will protect her child like crazy . M glad Adrienne talked about this, I can relate in a way

[@bbeela3257]

CONGRATULATIONS, LADIES! You have elevated the show to new depths and highs👑 Thank you for sharing your personal journeys with us. Greetings from London x

[@liveyourlife243]

Adrienne thank you for sharing your dads story!

[@deestevens2883]

It's so helpful to see all of the ladies opening up about truthful events that may have traumatized them. We all need to have these convos from time to time as we all have gone thru something and maybe still getting over it... 🤔😐

[@TheRedUmbrellla]

Loni was very open here. I’m sure it was hard for her to be so open and risk making her Mom feel bad. But we appreciate her sharing her story.

[@lunsha25]

♥️🤍♥️ This topic was so good, I loooooove these topics & this setting this season…. And adding Garcel was the cherry on top

[@lala-091-m7s]

SO much depth this season!!!! Beyond beautiful and real ❤️

[@Klaudyacampos]

Ohmygosh Ade talking about loving her dad has me in tears 😭❤️‍🩹 I love these girls ♥️

[@mariposa1933]

Has the same rules as Adrienne when it came to men. My mom wasn’t traumatized sexually, but she didn’t trust men in general. Super protective. Which kind of led me to be fearful of things until my 30s. Now I’m fearless!

[@sontomagagula3074]

You girls really keep it real..the way you can open up about your lives like that, takes a lot of vulnerability 👏👏👏👏👏👏.. we're learning a lot.. hope nobody uses such against you in the future, but then you're strong.. you're bulletproofed 🤩😍...love you

[@JaneLamb]

This is definitely one of the best talk topic from them ladies

[@marianahernandezflores4421]

What I love about this show is that these are real women from humble beginnings. I can see a little of myself in all of them- additionally, their talks are just so deep. Sometimes they can be lighthearted but not vapid like in other shows.

[@briannawhite2799]

I will say this: I dealt with some childhood trauma and even ended up going through therapy to navigate through my feelings and insecurities. Like Adrienne, I wasn't abused or anything but there were many situations that looking back, my parents could have handled better. Through therapy, I realized that childhood trauma is inevitable. It truly is. Even those who seem to have the "perfect" life have been traumatized in their childhood by an adult or family member somehow. I do believe that if you have the resources and time, please go to therapy before you become a parent. That is the one thing I wish my mother did before she became a parent, especially considering how my sibling and I were planned. It is amazing how today, many people can realize their childhood trauma and still work on not letting it fester.

[@167logan]

Yep Adrienne is right. I have conversations like this with well-meaning people in child safety circles. They say it doesn't affect the kids but this is real proof that it does.

[@joijorm]

This topic came in right time. I was just having a self realisation about family traumas and wrong patters etc. It's crazy how it all gets pass and pass until somebody heals it. Also I found out all traumas even from past lives are stored in root chakra. So I feel like it's worth to work on it more.

[@Diana-zl3ue]

Appreciate what Adrienne said very much. My parents were both overprotective in that aspect too but I was taught and knew which male I was safe with, and that was my father. We were soooo close when I was growing up in the sense that he bathed me, changed me, I slept in the bed with him at night and cuddled with (until my early teens cause I didn’t have my own room and still loved sleeping with parents LOL). I remember being 15 and he was the only parent to give me the sex talk and drive me to the store to buy my first box of tampons. My mom is so traditional and gets grossed out on those topics unfortunately but my dad stepped up because he didn’t want me to feel alone and I appreciate that. I remember being in the aisle at target looking at all the tampons and he was so invested in learning which ones would be right for me. He’s not fluent in English so he relied on the Spanish translation to make sense haha. I love him to death but yeah unfortunately their worst nightmare happened because I was molested by two relatives as a child. They don’t know and I don’t think I can ever tell them, esp my dad. It will crush them hard.

[@SimoneUmba]

One for me is having the eldest child be the third parent. My mom is the oldest and my grandma is the oldest so it's been passed to me. I watch my mom resent her siblings as a 50 year old woman over having to raise them in childhood and even adulthood. It took me going to therapy to realize that it was not my job to raise them and I need to live my life.

[@sappfamtv]

That's so common

[@jesseduh08]

Girl, I’m living in every word you wrote. Being the eldest daughter is absolutely the third parent. I should seek therapy as well

[@saundracohen4032]

💯🙌💯🙌

[@kraziikiim]

@@jesseduh08 same here. #1 reason why I dont think I want kids

[@agathachris9722]

That must be broken!!!

[@RoniForReal]

This is the most meaningful conversation I've heard on The Real.

[@irmarfrank1005]

You Guys are killing some really great topics this season. I love the new formats and everything about this season. This was profound. GREAT contribution Adrienne.

[@dr.braxygilkeycruises1460]

I absolutely LOVE these vital discussions. Thank you so much, Ladies!! 🥰🤗

[@SammySam316]

Tamera did say that her mom never allowed them to sit on their dad's lap etc. I wonder whether her mom has some insecurities or past trauma also.

[@QueenChastity]

Hmm..interesting.

[@tranquillitynow]

Wow, this is the best conversation I have listened to on the Real in a while. Thank you guys. Thanks A, for sharing that. I have 3 daughters and get "suspicious" sometimes with close male family members and friends. Awesome convo.

[@colormehopeful6984]

Yesssss Adrienne! My mom was also sexually molested as a child and had the rule that I couldn’t sit on mens lap etc etc etc everything your mom said BUT that did not apply to the father who raised me. He got to take me on dates, and cuddle with me, and I sat on his lap and I tell my parents all the time that having that experience led me to choose a husband who would treat me like my father did. I totally get where your mom came from; I literally heard stories over just this past weekend where the FATHER abused the daughter and then another father molested his son - they are both in prison. So that’s a scary though - but I think you have to be very mindful and watchful in any case, using discernment without being paranoid. If you know you’ve married a good partner and you were super intentional about doing so and you’ve observed him with other children and things like that before hand, then allowing your child to have that safe relationship will be extremely important

[@dglg1978]

Topics that shows, or celebrities never talk about. Thank you for talking about real life things. Many people go through this and no one talks about it.

[@elietc3725]

Adrienne made me cry that is so sad but understandable at the same time