These Complex PTSD Symptoms May Be Why You're LOSING FRIENDSHIPS

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If you were abused or neglected in childhood, you’ve had more than your share of ruined friendships. That’s what Complex PTSD does: At its heart, it’s an injury to your ability to connect with other people. You’ve probably been aware a long time that connection is hard for you. This is a terrible way to go through life, robbed of the the most important things that make life happy -- love, belonging, a tribe. But connection wounds don't tend to get better by themselves. Now is the time to heal.
***
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[@AsAmsterdam]

For real: these videos have made it possible for me to understand myself so much better. Every time I see one, I learn something about myself. Thank you for your hard work!

[@funkymunky]

Right? 😌

[@cynthiamayo7575]

Me too.

[@shauna6815]

I second that. I'm thinking about taking this course to pay her for real for this and stick with it.

[@Always4448]

It is the first time I feel understood! I relate to literally every video and thing that she says about cptsd! I'm so thankful

[@ClaireNicole33]

@bennybaby Same here. It's quite shocking. So thankful I found this channel. I'm 41 years old and this is the first time in my life that I can actually say SOMEBODY UNDERSTANDS....

[@LH-ro2ot]

It's not losing friends that's the problem....it's making friends in the first place that is so hard.

[@tomsheils1096]

I Kno how that goes. I'm so awkward that I get recognized as the party pooper.

[@ela.alquimia]

i feel i didbt have a filter in the past i though everybody was my friend and abusive people get close and took advantage of me and later i set a lot of bunderies and put a lot of resctrictions so now i dont have anyone around i still struggling with trusting issues, finding the balance

[@rigzintsomo5943]

L H it’s opposite for me. i make friends easy enough. i don’t know how to keep friends. i first noticed that in 1977. i made a friend. after while, i thought letting her know this hurdle i have, would deepen our friendship. i never saw her again. i scar easy.

[@ASMRCHARLIE]

@@ela.alquimia same :(

[@ela.alquimia]

@@ASMRCHARLIE lets be friends and try to help us. New comunity new tribe!

[@11inside11]

For me, maintaining friendships have been the hardest part throughout my life. I usually isolate myself from friends and never initiate anything with them, so these friendships naturally tend to fade away. It sucks because I want to do stuff with them, talk to them etc., but I feel like I've never connected to anyone on a deep level my whole life. So I just isolate myself even more and keep hoping that someday I meet someone I can connect with...

[@Tracymmo]

That sounds so painful. I struggle with this but have been able to have some close relationships. Wishing you the best.

[@jayjacqueline615]

I feel you. It's worse when you do initiate a connection and are rejected. Makes it harder to try again.

[@2240shyo]

I can relate. I hope you get the chance to have that deeper connection with someone soon

[@ughsirius]

Big relate :((

[@msharic85]

My issue with friends are some were users & some talked about me behond my back. I'm slow to warm up at interacting with ppl, but once you get to know me, it's like 2 different ppl.

[@Catbooks]

Does anyone else here go into freeze instead of fight? That's my problem. I really don't lash out. I wasn't allowed to have or express anger when I was a child, so I learned to suppress it, until finally I can't hold it in anymore. I used to call this having a long fuse, but I still have those disregulated emotions going on in those moments. I suppose that is a form of lashing out but it's more like resentments building, some overlooking red flags, not knowing how to talk about the problems (and feeling like I won't be heard, or will be gaslighted, which has happened), until I'm done with the friendship and have nothing to lose because I want out. Anyone else experience it like this?

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks for the conversation starter! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@Catbooks]

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thanks. I'd hoped for conversations, but so far it's crickets. I can't be the only one who freezes when disregulated. ... Right? 😄

[@the28who]

@@Catbooks I used to freeze, slowly got out of it due to a toxic relationship ended up mirroring her fight dynamic a lil bit

[@amrabilalovic9651]

Absolutely, same problem here. By the time I'm lashing out, I had suppressed a gazzilion things and I don't even care anymore because of all that resentment. I have zero clue how to talk about things that bother me.

[@Soaring_Seajay]

Same

[@billiejobuckman863]

Way we push people away 1- Lashing out 2- Concern or judgemental 3- Shutting people out 4- Drama & Overwhelm 5- Too many rules Ways to Stop pushing people away 1- Calm your triggers inside not making others do it. Put time between your trigger & reaction. 2- Put criticism on paper. Own your mistakes say sorry not make excuses.

[@sonic-memes]

There is no drama

[@danielc5205]

All my friendships are/were always one-sided, I'm the one who actively tried to initiate contact, but never the other way around. When you've been burned as much as I have by other people, you lose trust in people. For me, if a friendship isn't 50/50 give and take, it gets classified as an acquaintance. And, I have a "take it or leave it" attitude with these types of relationships.

[@AlliKennedyLoves]

I can totally relate and it’s so tough to recognize how much is my triggers and how much is others not being the type of friend I deserve. It’s such a challenge!

[@matchalatte4101]

i agree with the 50/50 thingy but being codependent and a people pleaser, ive always been attracted to takers, family, friends, co workers, relatives, romantic partners etc. they would always use me and feel entitled to my time, energy, knowledge, resources. over the past year ive been on this amazing journey of self love and started setting firm boundaries with people. you can really see them falling off the face of the earth when they realize you're not there for them to use. its difficult at first, imagine all the free time on hand after doing favors for people, running errands, fixing & rescuing others. it can get a little lonely too but now i have plenty of time for self care which is great. now my spidey senses go into overdrive when i spot a potential user. im really careful now, way too many parasites, predators, users and leechers nowadays.

[@danacooper6723]

YES..I AGREE! I cosign this post.

[@ladybaabaa3294]

Anyone who really cares enough to be your friend, WILL make a noticeable effort. You won't have to wonder or doubt. And to those who DON'T make an effort? Ok. That's a shame, but they're not the friends for you (their loss).

[@sharober1]

So true. I just don't care anymore

[@jayjacqueline615]

I have always thought I was alone in this or rare. I didn't realize so many of us are struggling with CPTSD and friendships.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Me too!

[@kellyhawk7721]

I had no idea either. I really just thought I’m too much, too weird (and don’t want to inflict myself on others, is how I feel when I’m super down). I long for deep connections, but do not have them.

[@jayjacqueline615]

@@kellyhawk7721 Wow! Exactly! It's our little secret.

[@luxbledstone]

So much same.

[@Lyrielonwind]

Loneliness is the most widely dis- ease in this hiper-connected world. I have read far too many articles of people found dead in their houses after months without no one to care. I guess I'm in that list too. Usually it happens to old people but I have read of many in their forties. No family or friends. Some where found after the landlord suiting because they were not paying their rent and didn't answer phone, e-mails, etc.

[@aprilrochellebryant8451]

As a person with CPTSD, my biggest epiphany was to speak less & observe way more. So many triggers can be set unknowingly in a random convo-rushing to protect your feelings and not thinking thru your own words can easily ruin any type of relationship. It's the acknowledgement about yourself that you are easily triggered, and you tend to misunderstand others.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Excellent point, thank you! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@gaurs230]

I assumed that those people would just read my mind in general

[@user-lm6us6so6r]

@@gaurs230 Funny not funny. My dad conditioned me to try and read his mind. I got pretty good at it. It sucked.

[@DrWelp]

This vlog made me so sad. I’m in my mid-50s and have never been able to make strong connections with people. I spend nearly all my time alone. I just can’t handle close relationships. I’m not a person who rages ... I run/leave/lock myself away. Anyway, thank you for this vlog.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

There is more help and courses you could try here crappychildhoodfairy.com/ Thanks for watching! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@LR-yu3mx]

Feels like rejection is the trigger

[@ladybaabaa3294]

For me, it's rejection, expected or actual abandonment, embarrassment, criticism, judgment, humiliation, and disrespect. All of which seem to equal feeling like I am not valued as a person. That I do not matter.

[@nichellehowell]

Clingy friends is a trigger for me.

[@LashayneHampton]

It is

[@lynnv8501]

Perception of rejection. Feelings are not necessarily what is real. My brother freaks out at me frequently when I've done nothing to reject him. He lashes out when he projects his feeling of rejection on me. I'm pretty much tired of him.

[@ladybaabaa3294]

@@lynnv8501 Yeah, these outbursts are really nothing to do with you.

[@Iquey]

The panic that sets in is part of remembering being a child, when someone rages at you, without good reason, there is nothing you can do to mitigate it, rationally speaking. You have to remind yourself not everyone who gets upset with you isn't intending to always attack you until you've been totally destroyed. Some disagreements are not dire. Just normal disagreements. It's hard to figure this out or believe this because everything you've been taught characterizes the world so intensely. There's always a hidden agenda lurking behind every move or change in ppl's behaviour towards you, but not really. It's hard but doable.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Yep.

[@brendamanchester6969]

💞

[@josephinetyree1476]

YES...this NEW truma hit me 2 days ago...going food shopping...( I don't drive ) and my ??? friend a male, was going to get food as well........As I was getting IN the car...a woman I knew started talking to me...so I said a 'few' words.. and out of the drivers seat... he yelled...GET IN THE CAR...GET IN THE DAMN CAR.... a survivor of multiple abuses, I usually go along with 'the abuser' since I KNOW how escalated it can get.... It took all of yesterday to even have ONE normal thought....Today I've been 'chopping' veggies since 10 and it's now 1 ...in order to control my emotions... What I thought of yesterday...sharing with a friend, was that I WAS in 'her' neighborhood and could have just told 'him' to LEAVE...and walk away.......!!!! Why in my late 70's do I STILL find myself...in such destroying situations. YES he always did seem to be hummm not connected with life ..yes I always tried to help........ I've ALWAYS been for the 'underdog'...knowing...how..life/people affected their lives.....( he mourne's his x who passed, she 'had' left him )( he also stated he had a head trauma...he lives with debre of items around his little place..YET he's a GREAT yes GREAT artist...which I am myself...... ) Someone...explain more please...What do YOU see in this ???

[@trucuriousity]

It's hard not to catastrophise when everything around you growing up WAS a catastrophe. Yeah discord in relationships is supposed to be normal and human. Not always WWIII, no one speaks to each other for two weeks, someone goes to jail, someone pulls a knife, someone gets hit, everything falls apart. It's no wonder we can't just take it in stride.

[@trucuriousity]

@@josephinetyree1476 it's not your job to fix people, and you don't have to be a martyr to be a good person. You have a right to keep destructive people at arm's length. You're not abandoning them. You're loving them from a distance until they take responsibility for their issues.

[@silentfriend369]

Most my friendships were codependent or toxic. The good friendships, I ruined. But there weren't many... thankfully I'm finally learning from my mistakes.

[@donpeace894]

I'm terrible w friendships

[@monkeydevinebb]

And here I was thinking I was a covert narcissist, when in reality I was just raised by one, and that trauma led me to develop narcissistic coping mechanisms.

[@susanrhodes5681]

You may also enjoy Dr. Ramani, she is usually real on target.

[@Sandra-mq1nb]

And I would recommend Lisa A. ROMANO und 👍

[@susanrhodes5681]

@@Sandra-mq1nb I like her too. I recommended Dr. Ramani since she is a survivor and a professor and a therapist. Other good channels too, some resonated with me for a season, I find Ramani helps me most cuz she does such a deep dive. However, others will find other channels also very helpful.

[@Sandra-mq1nb]

@@susanrhodes5681 You're totally right, Dr. Ramani helped me too & Lisa says over and over it's not our fault, which set me free❤

[@Acetyl53]

Sam Vaknin is brutal but insightful, though with a bit of caution in that he often implicitly embeds his own "religion" and politics into the notions he puts forward around what people ought to be, how we should organize, what's best for the world, etc.

[@karenlm9062]

What troubles me in having cptsd is dealing with overbearing, pushy, controlling, angry, and jealous people. Its not always the case I'm the only person in the situation with poor coping. I don't know how to respond to toxic and negative behavior without making it a bigger mess.

[@Simerel]

I totally agree Karen Lm, I have difficulty dealing with harsh behaviors in others. I know I play my part, but I’m not all of the problem. Hearing I’m the problem and not the other person (without balancing the responsibility on both) honestly makes me feel more crappy when I watch these videos.

[@karenlm9062]

@Simerel perhaps she can do a video addressing this. Know you are not alone in this. And trust your observations.

[@Simerel]

@@karenlm9062 I agree I’ll trust my observations/intuition here, thank you. Be well!

[@mendingmandy869]

Same. I have a family member who has a lot of self-absorbed traits. My hands tingle and face goes numb whenever he shows these traits. I think it's because of my narcissistic abuse as a child. I wind up feeling like cutting him out of my life

[@NM-vs5lg]

Wow same here 😢

[@KLewis-jg1fk]

My wife is a "Victim of CPTSD", I, her husband, our relationship, our marriage all are too. Thank so much for your time and efforts! You are truly a God send. With your efforts I finally have a grateful understanding of what truly is going on with this pernicious disease and how to deal with. Grateful and dedicated follower. GOD BLESS YOU!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you, so glad it's useful

[@kclauren6052]

As a wife who suffers from it, thank you for being understanding. My husband has stuck with me through some shit.. I wouldn't be here without him

[@KaldoniaKaldonia]

Bravo to you for making an effort to help your wife, so you can heal your marriage. My husband made no effort, gave up and walked out after 20 years of marriage. This was about 9 years ago. I’m still healing.

[@Nessyk01]

Wow do you have a brother in Australia 🤣

[@jupiterscorner5423]

@@KaldoniaKaldonia hugs

[@fiery_aries1293]

I struggeled with this all my life, it's even harder to make friends as an adult. i have such strong reactions to everything, i feel things so deeply, it's hard but i hope one day we will all be healed.

[@jc10907Sealy]

Friends- what are those? I have 3 - that’s a blessing and enough.

[@lauracurrie101]

She is referring to not being about maintain friendship with positive supports.

[@Tracymmo]

Well, this video is for those of us who struggle to cultivate healthy friendships. Her video about dysregulation doesn't apply to me, but I bet it's helpful for those who struggle with it.

[@tomsheils1096]

Sealy same here and sometimes I think it's better so I don't get into too much trouble of I don't hardly talk to anybody.

[@lilgorgo]

I told myself I had 3 friends too, then I realized when I stopped checking on them they stopped checking on me. I don't think they ever noticed.

[@lindaphornish8984]

Lucky

[@instanta2693]

Why are you the only person who talks, unveils and unpacks these life long riddles and happiness blockers...? you speak about it in such clear and simple ways and I'm just puzzled how I haven't heard any of the 'professionals' do it - ever. Thank you is all I can say...

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

You're welcome - thank you for watching! - Ashley, Team Fairy

[@robindonnelly]

Full acceptance of others, reasoning yourself out of your triggers, having no expectations or rules for others makes you a doormat. Once I learned about the narcissistic dynamic at play in my life with friends and family, and started having boundaries about what I would and would not accept, people either disappeared from my life, or I cut them off. I’ve had C/PTSD since age seven and have used more reasoning and excuses with others than should be reasonably expected. I’ve worked my entire life to not make a big deal out of my pain. All it did was invite more abuse and make me sicker. Not everyone needs friends. I’m much healthier and happier without them.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Ouch. But if you're truly OK, then OK.

[@angelus_solus]

No, you are not healthy and only lying to yourself by thinking you are. Throwing up walls and keeping people out is NEVER healthy. In fact, it's a sign that you have trust issues to work through, which you admitted you have without even saying it. Your comment screams that, not to mention needing to improve your vetting skills. After all, if those are the kinds of people you attract, what does that say about the kind of person you are? Shoving people away will not fix that problem any more than keeping a leaky boat out of the water fixes the hole that's causing the leak.

[@angelus_solus]

That's all I need to say.

[@SkyePhoenix]

I've come to the same painful conclusion.

[@the1betterpodcast84]

I don't know if there's already a video addressing this but I do think it comes down to a highly personal distinction and solution between caretaking our traumas and allowing real friendships to flourish. I also find it "wrong" on a deeper level to try to rationalize everything against my pain and not to make a big deal out of it. It is bulldozing a part of me which worsened my situation and attracted more of the same shitty interactions. But on the other hand, not having that space to differentiate between the trauma and the potentials of the present interaction is also detrimental to moving forward (if making meaningful relationships is part of a new life we truly want for ourselves). I think that we should get intimate with our real needs and values so we can decide what and when to give and what and when to expect. And this shouldnt feel like compromise.

[@susuho675]

one bonus of my cptsd: i don’t have to work at not losing friendships because i have no friends

[@Claymoreinurface]

I found Im still attracting disloyal people and people who put me down. They don’t get very far to become a friend. So I’m still friendless.

[@ladybaabaa3294]

Do you think you are inviting these people into your potential friendship zone because you feel that you don't deserve any better? That you somehow deserve or should accept disloyalty or being put down by people who should like you and supposedly care about you? No good friends should treat you this way. You get to choose who you keep in your life. Ultimately, you show others how to treat you. And it's better to have only a few good friends (or even none, right now) than many damaging ones.

[@Claymoreinurface]

@@ladybaabaa3294 Defintely not in the last few years. I know I deserve kind, gentle, loyal people. This is why I’m still friendless. I can see these things in people within meeting them the first couple times usually. And there are A LOT of people out there like this. Plus I don’t get out much these days to meet anyone due to medical isolation.

[@ladybaabaa3294]

@@Claymoreinurface Ahhh, I see. Well, the good thing is that you know you deserve to be treated well. Now it's just the very slow process of finding and connecting with the right people who will remain consistently good to you. It will happen.

[@Sandra-mq1nb]

@@Claymoreinurface ....same here

[@Tracymmo]

@@Claymoreinurface Just a thought: Knowing something but being able to carry it through aren't necessarily the same thing. I know that I deserve love, but being open to it is hard because the conditioning of my childhood. Might you need help making the leap from point A to point B? The other possibility to consider is what constitutes a put down. My brother sees lots of things as slights that really aren't, and I used to all the time. This may not be your issue, but for some of us who grew up with trauma, we often have a hard time distinguishing between putdowns and perfectly "normal" behavior. I bring this up because, in my experience, most people don't put down friends, and loyalty is developed over a long time, so I wonder if you are confusing loyalty with something else, like agreement.

[@morganalexis6147]

I feel so regulated listening to this. It's like I feel myself clearly when I hear these videos lately. And the most connected to myself. Thank you

[@christinenzioki4588]

Ikr...i'm happy i'm finally understanding what's happening.

[@jtrose6995]

woohoo! thats why im here

[@cararatterree4466]

At one point in my life I just shut the door on my friendships. It was easier to think they were lost to time than to face the truth. The thought of the effort of being a friend was Too heavy for me.

[@kimlec3592]

People often get overwhelmed when trying to explain what they went through. Then they get labelled with schizophrenia or bi polar, when really it's complex ( multiple types) of trauma. Narrative incoherence is often cited as a reason for diagnosis. This traumatises the person yet again & just adds to complexity, which is just unhelpful.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Such a good point!

[@darrenhaynes4845]

Anna, one reason I break from friends is, their lives are moving and mine feels frozen. I've been sitting in this depression for what feels like decades, and it scares me or. it triggers my trauma/panic. I also find, that people don't understand that I'm not recovering or getting any better in my development/ circumstance and they fail to understand this and I find it feels their not sensitive of my feelings..... It causes big knots in my stomach for days.

[@nataliabogdanova2816]

Same. I know they might care but they really don’t understand and I think don’t have time for me. Their lives are moving with constant changes and I’m just stuck and left alone eventually.

[@cztober3085]

Check out Anna's daily practice videos

[@Ella726]

Same here.

[@roberttweten]

Yep

[@roberttweten]

@@bellabell2330 I hear you

[@AS-jq4lb]

i think the hardest thing for me is working out whether a person’s behaviour is just average - temporarily - poor behaviour or if it’s actually abusive over time. it’s difficult when what was modelled at home was so far from the average and you are wired to expect people to screw you over. the question i constantly ask myself is ”does this seem reasonable?” and i try to ask a lot of different people too to get different perspectives. but as you said, people from dysfunctional families usually hang out with each other, so maybe the people around you aren’t the best people to ask - unless they’ve done a lot of work themselves. it means that i often err on the side of ”when in doubt, cut them out” so i don’t have to spend all my energy trying to work out whether they are behaving reasonably or not. it’s just too exhausting. i guess people who haven’t suffered trauma never think in these terms - it must free up a lot of energy.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Yes, agreed. They probably expend less energy :)

[@Nepthu]

This reminds me of my sister. Whenever someone declines an invitation or says "no" to one of her ideas, she EXPLODES. It puts everyone on edge. In any group setting, she talks at 100% volume and controls the conversation, which is really just a monologue. People avoid her altogether because she expects you to be a slave to her ideas.

[@joincoffee9383]

Borderline personality disorder?

[@Quiche543]

I've "abandoned" a lot of friendships over the years, but when I look back I needed to abandon those friendships. I used to attract needy, damaged people (not totally unlike myself lol) and it wasn't the "needy/damaged" part that was the issue as much as it was that these "friends" were not on a healing path and as I grew in my journey, I feel like I outgrew them and realized their negative influence in my life was a drain on my energy, and just kept me in the loop of my own dysfunction. I used to hang in with friendships that were negative past the point where it was good for me OR them actually. Where is the line between avoidance/abandonment and boundaries...between abandoning a friendship and self protection? I am working on being direct AND tactful cause tbh when I "speak my truth" I can be "prickly" if I speak from a hurt place. I don't rage or yell or any of that stuff, but my words, at times, can definitely be loaded. I am also working on pausing and allowing the emotion to defuse so my brain can kick back in and then deciding whether or not I really need to speak my truth, and if so viewing the opportunity as practice to develop my tactfulness skills lol In the past I have definitely lost a few friendships or the relationship has cooled down due to my drama...I know I have overwhelmed others with my drama/dysregulation due to the intensity of my feelings and can relate to other drama queens sticking it out with me cause we tended to fee off each others drama. As I heal I want less and less drama in my life and find that it really does lie with ME!! It is not what happens around me, but how I react to what happens around me AND it isn't necessarily happening TO me as I realize that not everything that happens is personal. Sometimes it just is!! and I can allow it to be.

[@starburst9053]

I am dealing with this problem exactly 💯 right now

[@NaturallyNyk]

This was helpful to read.

[@shealorena]

Because of my crappy childhood, I have sometimes had unhealthy friendships with people who have severe issues like bpd and narcissism. I have moved away from those and want to establish more better friendships, just don’t know where to find them. It seems the healthier people are harder to find.

[@starsstripes2393]

I'm in the same position, and I think it's best not to go actively looking,real friendships will develop on their own.

[@Bopomama]

I have put up with so much abuse in friendships because I was terrified of abandonment. I'm now 40 and grieving for my younger self and all the woeful people and situations I endured.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Glad you're here :) We're rooting for you! -Calista@TeamFairy

[@walkingrace1233]

I remember when friendships used to be so easy going. TODAY, friendships are more difficult to establish and maintain than it used to be (I don't even need to get into the damage covid has caused). Just look at all the dating services (dating apps) out there. Obviously, it is not as easy TODAY to connect with others or there wouldn't be a need for these. I've heard some say, "I have enough friends, I don't need anymore," what a shallow thing to say. Guess they showed their true colors! Also, we are living in a time when there is A LOT of division...race, religion, philosophy, moral values, and let's not forget politics - if you are not with me, you are against me mentality (there is a lot of hostility in the world today). Tolerance for others and their differences seems to have gone out the window. Often there are times when it could be spontaneous connecting with another, except they have ear buds in their ears listening to their iPod, so forget about that possible friendly exchange. And then you factor in the exponential rise of narciccism today, well, that sure limits the "playing field" for connecting with another like-minded person. I cannot believe how many lonely people there are in the world TODAY. This is a universal problem with or without PTSD symptons.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Yes, you are so right -problems enough for everyone. We really have to get back to basics and focus on our healing, our path, and how we can be useful because it is soooo easy to get bogged down by the difficulties in the world. Thanks for being here :)

[@RacinaRacina]

Yes it's so true and also people treat each-other like they are disposable often. So many fair-weather friends. It seems like the mentality is that if someone is bringing you down and not helping your success in the world, then it's okay to dispose of them. I think it's a really sick twisted mentality and a lot of people get abandoned and left behind because of people thinking it's okay to abandon people because their connection isn't equitable. It comes down to money and not love and genuine valuable people with pure hearts get discarded because they are an inconvenience.

[@sherrym5556]

I have more trauma in my adult life than I ever did as a kid. I agree with you 100%

[@ohyeah3365]

Alanon started my healing process. You don't have to go through this alone.

[@candaceion9622]

I don't feel that I react with anger. I do tend to push other's away. I am 52 and find it much easier to be alone. My family 47 ppl, abandoned me after I charged my uncle. I was then 27. I have had therapist leave because they were told by their supervisor's to cut contact with me. Always due to Transference. I look for mom's. I have given up on people and will stick to animals

[@iamweebie3]

I think I'm similar. It's really hard for me to maintain emotionally intimate relationships over time. I tend to disappear randomly when my depression and anxiety cause me to go underground.

[@ela.alquimia]

You are amazing i honor you! You are really brave i had a similar experience and i dont have contact with my family, i have few friends but i dont see the often. I live alone with 2 dogs.

[@ela.alquimia]

@Paul PcP you are totally right! Lets help each other in this comunity

[@leamubiu]

You don't feel that you react with anger, yet you admit you charged somebody? It seems to me a contradiction worth pointing out.

[@deannamichaud6602]

...I don't think Lee's comment was thoughtful. Obviously you felt it necessary to charge your Uncle for many reasons, not simply anger. Although it would seem anger may have been justified. Especially since your family stayed in denial..... I hope you are healing..... I don't bother with friends anymore

[@paddyotable]

I have a 'video loop' in my mind that has recorded every time I've felt slighted, embarrassed, angry with someone or someone was angry with me or someone was critical of me since first grade. The 'loop' will play back various incidents numerous times per week. I'm 64 but sometimes find myself angry over something done to me in first grade. Very weird.

[@richardbowers3647]

Mental shocks can be felt early in life. Even in infancy. The damage is traumatic & can cause life long stress. Here’s a poem with an implied cure. Poem's title is “The New One’s Center Had Moved.” The new one’s center had moved. The infant’s place of anchor had gone. Neither the boy nor young man knew. Their lives were marked as well. All lost to empty time of living, Where wisdom & books have no meaning. They each looked to the man to be. “Grow up,” The man yelled. “Look out for yourself.” They all wanted a way back, Back to the place of beginning. They asked a fix from him. “Between the rising & setting sun,” He exclaimed, “Go to the beginning there. Breath out the flames which burn your heart. There your body & voice of being can be found. A life of quiet, joy & peace.” Hurry - The old man is coming!

[@briannemorna4268]

I do the same thing.

[@staceysteele5064]

The problem is that when we have suffered abuse and trauma as children we tend to attract and invite in people who are either narcissistic or toxic in some way. Those people trigger our childhood wounds. Most people with PTSD are not attracting healthy people in. That’s been my experience. The wounds need to be healed first. When I began loving myself I started allowing in only people who could be supportive and I was better able to support them because they weren’t constantly triggering my childhood trauma. Do the healing first and start seeing how the types of people you invite in changes. It’s a miracle.

[@keigee1268]

This is so educational and triggering at the same time. I was in an abusive friendship for the longest time and she used to tell me that I over react to stuff... with time it became the only truth that she could say about me... and eventually I kept quiet about everything else that she did that I didn't agree with, I learned how to distrust myself so much in order to keep the friendship .... when I finally decided to end the friendship I became superaware of the need to defend myself and may have lushed out to people... again the balance between eruption and being a doormat is hard to find. Especially when you can't always trust your judgement.. whether you are being too sensitive or the other person is being an ass..some people ghost you even when you can't remember any conflict etc... but you still have to deal with it and move on. Currently I'm focusing on self compassion...I feel that it's calming and gives you a sense of control when you are in those foggy situations

[@shauna6815]

I've had a conflict with my family this year, and what I find is that when they say something to me that has nothing to do with the argument that occurred, all I wish for is that they would have the courage to address it with me. They neither ask for an apology for my outburst, nor do they say they are sorry for their outburst. When they say something to me, glossing over the issue that I feel should be addressed, I can visualize immediately what I wish they would have said instead. I seriously am pausing because I don't know if I care to have them in my life. I don't feel for them any longer. This is being right in the middle of either a. letting a relationship go that just no longer serves, or b. me ruining a relationship that didn't have to be ruined. I'm just trying to give myself the space not to react in my normal way for the indefinite future and trying to educate myself. The point is, I think it's really important for people with ptsd to be able to talk about the argument with the person you argued with afterward, with clarity and empathy on both sides, and my family doesn't seem to have any desire to do so.

[@cspang4446]

Hi Shauna, I'm sorry that you are experiencing this kind of reaction from your family. You are not alone in this, and you seem to be wanting to improve your your mindset, good for you! It's difficult to maintain relationships that are one sided, whether family or not. I experience that same thing with mine. I am learning to except them were they are, because I can't fix them, at all! And I no longer want to get involved in worrying about their choices or behaviors. In addition, I am purposefully keeping a little space to live my own life. I no longer want or need to be immersed in theirs so much that I get all tangled up in their emotions. They don't want to talk because they are not ready to hear what we have to say. When we are growing, sometimes we grow away but that doesn't mean that you can't still love them where they are. We just don't need to be immersed in the drama. Most important, I have finally learned that I do not desire to be understood by them any longer, because I do not want or need their approval. I believe that when we reach a point that we do not need to seek approval or be understood by everyone, we are finally free to be who we were meant to be. We get to finally think about what we want!!!! PS I want healing and health for my family too. However, I had learned the hard way, that we can only change ourselves and sometimes when you let them be who they are...they get to make mistakes and learn from them. That's the only way I have ever learned real life lessons. I'll bet you can relate. :) God bless and keep you in His care

[@TheNarrowPath40]

My CPTSD has driven my adult son away. He has been estranged from me and his dad and sister for six years. It is the worst pain. To grieve a living person, a son, who suddenly exited your life. I totally understand though. Trying to work on healing, but I still have symptoms. I am going to be 60. I don't know if I ever will feel healthy enough, to even expect him to forgive me or come back to our lives.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Sending you encouragement! -Calista@TeamFairy

[@MichaelWVagg]

I used to be unable to have arguments. My emotions would spike, and the habitual reaction formed from experience was "if I say something wrong or I display anger they will get ANGRIER and more aggressive even violent." So I would shut down, be SILENT, internalise it all. It wasn't until I heard the word "withholding" that I understood what I was doing to people that I NEEDED to express myself with. And how, early on, I'd learned an aggressive tactic to fight back with, but it cost me so much as the pain and self neglect of internalising everything looked like obedience, compliance, resignation, acceptance. But as an adult, friends, partners, collaborators NEEDED to hear my thoughts, my points of disagreement or difference - to express my "wants and needs" and defend them if "needs," compromise if "wants." But mostly they needed me to be present and open to work on what WE could do to fix this, how WE could better understand each other. Being triggered would be a very messy internal conflict between - fearfully expecting things to get nasty, desperately wanting to avoid conflict BUT having reached the limit of my people pleasing buffer because I NEEDED to express my opnion, thoughts, disagreement; indicate my (largely non-existent) boundaries; indicate OUR differences. It's still so hard, but I find being calm, using discerning speech and indicating to the other person when they are being too aggressive or heated or too demanding so that they too come back to a clearer (even exciting!) space of discussion, curiousity, exploration, reciprocity. Another thing... when I feel myself withholding - clamping down behind angry, an armadillo of pressed lips and accusatory eyes - I HAVE to momentarily tune out - get off the porch, duck into the backroom, check in with myself "what is the ACTUAL conflict here? What is behind the habitual triggered stuff? What do you need to say?" Almost everytime, it's not that bad, it's actually about vulnerability, it's about something that will be so useful to US and is only a tricky part to work through to the vast and open valley beyond. All of the other triggered, emotional, reactive stuff is in the way, has always been in the way, because of CPTSD. I've never succinctly described my experience of this before, so thank you CC Fairy! As always, I appreciate the way your videos - YOU - give us such rich starting points to explore our own experiences.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I'm so glad the videos helped, we all need a good starting point :) -Cara@TeamFairy

[@matthewneillmusic]

Wonderful and helpful comment. Thank you

[@kdavis9767]

Dear lord: thank you for this explanation. My mother would explode and there was no talking back without physical consequences. I learned to be sneaky in my actions but never directly confronting with my words. And so, over the ensuing decades (I'm in my mid-50s) I have had several friend "break-ups" that might have been saved (or ended sooner) if I could speak up for myself instead of internalizing it all until I burst. Sadly, this happened even early this year because I shut down and shut out the person for a month before exchanging emails. I feel the emails -- on my end -- were good but it was too late after a protracted silent treatment and I now regret my behavior. Honestly, I don't miss that person not being in my life any longer but the ripples it has created with other friends is uncomfortable. Anyways, thank you and thank you Crappy Childhood Fairy. Onward and upward.

[@MichaelWVagg]

@@kdavis9767 interesting point re: sneaky actions. I too, did things to "get back at" or make myself feel better about having been shut down.

[@rigzintsomo5943]

i’m having a trigger now. how i’m actually criticized by others (small church group, my Ex...) for not having friendships. and if they see me engaging with someone, they clap their hands “yay, she made a friend”. (i’m 62)....friends don’t last for me. in a couple days is my birthday. i have an acquaintance who wanted to throw me a surprise birthday party. he apologized that he went around town and couldn’t find anyone to attend. and he told me. there will be no surprise party for me. i’m embarrassed. it’s not that i don’t want friends, i don’t know how to form deep friendships. i just have acquaintances.

[@paul2019monte]

Whoa. Stay away from that person. I'd come to your party 🥳

[@elizabethlibero1878]

Maybe due to Covid?

[@rigzintsomo5943]

Elizabeth Libero i live in a state that is not shut down. its me. i have tools to change but i obviously need more.

[@paul2019monte]

@@rigzintsomo5943 Definitely do the work on yourself. It does sound like you are probably focusing on the wrong people if you know them and get such catty mean remarks. A kind nice person would not do these things. How do you find the "right" person? In today's world virtually impossible. But when you do they won't treat you so mean. Or gossip and gaslight you. I hope you find that one good friend. Ignore the others. When we come from a "crappy childhood" we accept poor behavior and often give too much to the wrong people. Personally, I have found that "nice church people" can often be anything else but nice. Happy Birthday Judith! 🥰

[@elizabethlibero1878]

@@rigzintsomo5943 well I wish you a happy birthday Judith. I think it’s hard to maintain friendships these days anyway... Be a friend to yourself have a cupcake and sing and dance throw yourself a party. the rest of us on this site will be there with you in spirit!

[@brianarbenz7206]

I appreciate your emphasis on the inability to form _friendships,_ instead of the issue being inability to form sexual relationships. The horribly hijacked term “incel” wrongly made the problem out to be - in the case of males - being unable to get the sexual involvements that supposedly are a man’s birthright. I learned that life is about achieving social connections at various levels as we get older. Sexual involvements are not a birthright, or inevitable, despite their being the norm. Being sexually or romantically normative requires first a series of achievements of normal _social_ relations. Making this understood by everyone would put an end to the male entitlement driven misogyny of the wrongheaded “incel” identity.

[@LMorganReynolds]

So much to chew on here, I've had to stop, do the daily practice, and meditate before I watched again. Courage all! This is vital healing right here!

[@bugbean5500]

I have no idea how anger feels, I've never felt it in my life. I'm always curious about hearing people talk about it because I'm almost never responding with flight/fight but with freeze/fawn instead. I'm always hurting myself and my own boundaries, needs and feelings instead of hurting someone else.

[@babysoo6885]

Same :(

[@ladybaabaa3294]

I don't think I've ever reacted with fawn! Or freeze or flight even. I'm all fight. lol

[@kathycooke828]

The Adult Children of Alcoholics org can help you with that. It isn’t just for kids of alcoholics, but also applies to dysfunctional families in general. It’s helping me a lot.

[@oaktree2254]

I used to experience that, I started working with a somatic experiencing practitioner and went from freeze to flight after about half a year, then to fight after 2 years (it was much harder for me to externalise anger than to fall back into old habits). Irene Lyon's KZbin channel has really good information on healthy anger and somatic experiencing 🌱

[@bugbean5500]

@@oaktree2254 Thank you, I actually really like Peter Levine and I've been reading a lot about somatic experiencing lately. But it's just too much for me and doesn't fit right now, same with EMDR. I'm in therapy with a trauma and DID specialist and I really trust him to provide the best treatment and additional options if it was helpful.

[@trudyfox938]

I had a former friend who had a number of ACEs. She was attracted to unstable men who triggered her emotionally. I asked her why she didn’t go for the good guys instead of the bad boys. Her response was “they’re boring.” Needless to say, she continued her cycle.

[@noelafflick9945]

Im dont suffer from any form of ptsd ive just had to remove myself from the madness of others.

[@jtrose6995]

awesome t you have not had trauma but isnt it about not isolating?

[@noelafflick9945]

@@jtrose6995 depends how you define isloating and why. When you are simply removing yourself from drama you dont understand or know why. Thats is not isolating its keeping yourself safe.

[@altinjpn]

How can I tell the difference between normal conflict with other humans and what is an abusive relationship?

[@jordansaintemarie]

Look into Non-Violent Communication

[@msisms57]

normal conflict does not comprise of insults and blaming also if the relationship is skewed so that only one person wins all arguments

[@epictetus9221]

@Penultimate H I’m not sure why you posted this question here, but there isn’t anything normal about neglect and abuse of children. So there’s that

[@epictetus9221]

@Penultimate H What? If you cut people and killed animals, you and your family would need professional help. What are you getting at?

[@kikipaisley]

@Penultimate H If you were denied things like affection,acceptance,respect,privacy,or food,clean clothing,a sense of safety and boundaries...if you were told You were a bad child,not that it was an unwanted behavior,or that they hated you or called you names,were hit in the face or beaten,touched innapropriately,belongings thrown away,etc. I suffered all these and more,Its a never-ending hell of nightmares,triggers and flashbacks...

[@CatharineRiverRain]

I have always been the good friend, and can connect emotionally. I am more usually the one to not get it in return that ends my friendships. The point when it's just so one sided or I see they can't reciprocate. Narcissistic parents set us up for this

[@charthers8903]

People who hurt you are not your friends.. Stand up for yourself because that’s what you really need, be your own friend first.. Ask yourself: Where did I meet this person, and how did we become friends?

[@tomtbi]

My boundaries have become brick walls lately.. Current events have worsened this for me as well...

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

You and many of us.

[@cynthiam1381]

True most of my friends were only there when i could be of assistance 😔

[@kathleenmartin.9306]

Same :/

[@K-A5]

Learning about attachment styles (I like Thais Gibson's channel for that) really helped me narrow down and process why exactly certain people or certain behaviors trigger me. She also focuses on healing the root of our subconscious attachment issues from trauma, instead of advocating for coping skills because if you heal the root problem of trauma then you don't have to cope with any of the symptoms. 👍 I would say another reason friends is so hard is because the friends Ive made who also have CPTSD need to often take time away from our friendship so they can heal themselves and they just cant spare the energy to commit to a growing friendship. I made a friend last year but this year being as bad as it is has triggered her so hard that shes not contacted me much - its been 6 months since I last heard from her and I just cant be the only one who keeps reaching out to keep the frienship going. At a certain point it just feels like rejection even if its not personal. Its heartbreaking because Im ready to have friends who I can bond with and grow with but finding people who are also ready to explore that and relate to me is difficult.

[@pamc3338]

Neglected children choose anyone who accepts them. As they mature they realize they've outgrown those people.

[@pamc3338]

@Lillith fair They do though. It can take a lifetime to overcome not being loved.

[@lonewolf3828]

How many people here suffer from CPTSD? So many times have the feeling I am alone in this. I believe in God and fail every day! I lost all my friends and missed all the nice things in life. I always was surviving! I struggle every day and I don't know what to do anymore. I wait for death every day and I am not happy anymore! Everything Anna says is accurate and true! I notice I am full of anger and pain and sadness! I lost everything I love!

[@waterox73]

Your videos are helping me cling to life after going no contact with my abusive and violent covert narc mother who also has unrealized untreated OCPD. Mental illness is rampant in my family and I'm the "baby" (at 50 years old) so I'm the one who got knocked around by my sick and crazy older sisters and father too, violent even into adulthood, and even to my dog. I believe I have a traumatic brain injury from being thrown across a room by him into an iron and glass coffee table. My oldest sis began threatening to kill me in my crib when I was left alone to cry for long periods of time and her death threats continued (drowning, smothering etc) plus regular beatings until I was big enough to stand up to her. All the way into her 40s she was still throwing objects at me and stuff like that if I said anything to upset her. The other one is schizophrenic. It's been a wild ride; that one Ive drawn up a restraining order 3 times but never filed it.

[@karenamanda1958]

I’ve abandoned so many close friends. 😞

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Sorry. I know the feeling!

[@GodSaveTheClothes]

Ugh...same!

[@Tracymmo]

Made sense at the time, huh? Looking back, some of it is really embarrassing. There are friendships that peter out, but that's different. I've shut down a lot of people. Ugh!

[@jayjacqueline615]

Every day I want to run from friendship because it seems easier than facing the pain and it's what I usually do. I am working on staying through the friendship rather than abandoning it, especially since I recognize that my trigger voices are very cunning liars.

[@donpeace894]

Me too

[@CalmingTheChaos]

I'm a Psychotherapist, and new to this channel. I really like the content! Thank you for talking about calming your triggers from the inside. Taking that "little bit of time" between thinking/feeling and reacting can save your friendships and relationships!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

It's an honor to have you. Thanks for your kind comment!

[@CalmingTheChaos]

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Wow, thanks for your response! I look forward to learning more from you in the future. Take care!

[@pt8421]

Anna, it feels like you’re talking directly to me. The last three videos especially this one, really hits hard. I don’t trust anyone because the people I trusted the most have hurt me so deeply. I push them away before they have the chance to hurt me again.

[@Tracymmo]

When the very people whose number one responsibility was protecting you when you were a child instead hurt you, I think it's so hard to trust. I hear you.

[@pt8421]

Tracymmo Yes, indeed. Thank you!

[@therealsaraswati]

FYI - it may not be your CPTSD. It may be all the Cluster Bs around you. Just something to consider.

[@Firinn_]

That's what I think. Maybe we are hyper aware and see the truth faster or easier than most

[@utualan]

Related often?

[@melere777]

Agreed. I think the advice she's giving is true but can be too easy for people to take as "it's just you, not them" for relationships that are DEFINITELY toxic. I've certainly done so before for people who were not friends and really damaging for my mental stability, and I kept this mindset that it was me overreacting when in actuality they were incredibly disordered. It's a fine line though, sometimes I'll become too picky because there are times I can't distinguish who's an asshole and who can be worked with.

[@Tracymmo]

I think her overall message is to help us see how *healthy* relationships work, so moving away from unhealthy ones is a good thing, but we also have to be sure we aren't sabotaging good ones.

[@nightangalesweet9239]

True. I think the environment around you also will make you like that. Until and unless you behave like those around they will not understand the point you are trying to make.😑😑😑

[@nancybartley4610]

There is very sad common denominator running through the comments: friendship ain't what you thought it would be. These themes kept coming up: 1.) "Friendship" is one-sided; one person makes all the effort (this is not a friendship!) 2.) If we disagree, it is over. (this is not a friendship!) 3.) Some people can't be trusted. (this is not a friend!) Is it time to redefine the word friend or create a new one? Are we expecting too much from our fellow humans? Do we assume other people have friends and something is wrong with us? Can it really be true that no one can be trusted? Can you be trusted? Have we thought of a serious plan for being a friend and how to go about creating the meaningful connection we want? We spend 13 years getting through school. We spend four years in college studying some subject. Maybe we need to learn how to be a friend. Please jump in and share your ideas so we all can have better lives.

[@progressnotperfection9920]

I REALLY want to heal. I'm so glad for finding you this week. Binge watching you ever since.

[@Tracymmo]

Same! I feel so relieved to hear all this

[@epictetus9221]

Also, check out Lisa Romano

[@denisee9807]

Me too and I've started manifesting I just WILL NOT ALLOW negative thoughts I replace them immediately with positive thinking & it truly works, I'm happy for you Keep it up Know your worth

[@poppygroove7974]

So thorough, down to earth and clear. Thx!

[@silentfriend369]

I am mostly untriggered while high from marijuana. Lol! I'm high and drinking coffee this morning. I love your videos. You helped me not throw away a really beautiful and loving partnership. It's been a blessing to have found your channel.

[@donpeace894]

Weed is a crutch and is a source of delusional thinking.

[@couldntholdacandle6681]

I do know, someone who makes me angry isn't a friend.

[@amilydora]

Thank you I needed this one a lot 🙏🙏🙏🙏❤️

[@Sandra-mq1nb]

What a enlightening video, thank you Anna🙏 I enjoy listening to you, it already calms me❤

[@misslawlesss]

This is meee! 🙏❤️🌟 Time to start regulate those triggers. 👏

[@GigiAzmy]

Thank you for CPTSD and Friendships! I know so much about romantic relationships, but friendships are NEVER talked about!

[@mikelobrien]

Wow, is this one spot on! Thanks so much for presenting the topic with such direct clarity.

[@jadetaylor2443]

I don't feel comfortable even dealing with people. I can't stand drama.

[@TatiSaysSo]

Same. If I’m alone, I know I’m safe.

[@jadetaylor2443]

@@TatiSaysSo you hit the nail on the head.. I love people very much tho. I just feel safer alone

[@uk1simon1]

Nothing wrong with that.

[@southernstephanie]

Thank you! You're brilliant.❤️ Grateful!

[@BD-rl8qy]

Thank you for the practical advice that is so relatable therefore, easier to apply day to day!

[@ladykadiijha]

I didn't even realize this is what I was doing. Thank you for your help. I often panic especially when it comes to work or sometimes I will just go in the bathroom and cry

[@mothersruin9058]

This is true. I've ruined countless friendships from this and am now beginning to learn.

[@wiser1254]

This is just what I need at this stage of my recovery. Thank you!

[@majordeezee1659]

Thank you for your valuable insights. 👍❤️

[@deborahpotter2080]

I like the way you explain things. This topic is so relevant to me!

[@yaakovisaacs]

thank you for the helpful and positive messages

[@monicacordelia9545]

This is such an insightful video... it’s interesting that I wasn’t able to hear and understand your videos like this one last year because I was focused on understanding my past abusers... I’m finally and gratefully in the space in my life to focus on my healing. 🤗

[@kyliewilson2911]

I just want to say that all i have done is listen to your videos and finding myself weeping while listening and i don't even know why except that i am agreeing with everything you say. This is the first time ever i have felt understood. I guessed I had cptsd but after these videos I realise that i definetly do. This was meant to happen I am supposed to find this as i have lost so much hope and i am very overwhelmed and depressed. I am a single mother and my kids need me so thank you i finally have some sort of direction. Thank you

[@kamifesenmaier8490]

Hi Miss Anna! Yesterday I stumbled upon a video of yours and am now a subscriber! I have been diligently researching this topic for roughly five years now, and just like you, I'm not a Therapist, Doctor, etc. but with as much effort I have out in, U may as well be! Haha! This video is spot on for me as well as for your other subscribers from what I've read. This topic is the answer, yet few people ( including the Medical Community!) Have heard of it. For me, when I finally Learned, I then Understood, and once it all made sense to me, I was able to begin the healing process. I'm so grateful to have found your channel as a secondary go-to. This is only the second channel I have found on this topic, the first being Finding Freedom Media which is my Holy Grail/ life saver. Again, Thank You and I look forward to binge watching your videos over and over ! 😊

[@kristina3threat]

I needed this video, thank you.🙏

[@tracitucker3859]

Wow- this was so eye opening for me, thank you 😊

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

So glad!

[@kaitlinmontgomery2750]

174 views? Pffffff. You're gonna blow up! Quality content and I'm only a minute in! Thank You !💜🦋

[@HiThereImFootloose]

Your videos are awesome!

[@businessgal2950]

This has been so enlightening. thank you

[@hwilcox]

Wow, I needed this decades ago...so thankful to be finally a dressing these issues. She is spot on. About a year ago I made a friend, I thought. Couldn't even say if she was sincere or I just got too hopeful. Either way I over did it with being too much and killed it.

[@davewolf8869]

Thank you for these

[@RebeccaAnnSinkula]

I love your channel. Your information is so helpful. Thanks so much! :)

[@michellewolf2659]

Anna... The introduction to this video is the best description of living with CPTSD and the negative effects ever. Thank you for making me realize why my life has been so unfulfilling and that I can heal from it !!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Welcome! Sounds like you are exactly in the right place!

[@deannagonzales2784]

This is just what I need, I flee from everyone and have no friends. I’ve been hurt so many times I don’t give most people even a chance

[@susannehama9705]

I have been trying to process the breakup I had with a decades long friend with CPTSD. Thank you for explaining a lot of her behaviors and triggers I didn’t understand.

[@MsBizzyGurl]

Basically, all relationships are transactional. Hard to keep them equitable, so it's easier to distance. Not everyone needs a 'tribe'. [Shudder]

[@natashamudford4011]

I get this weird sensation when I am frustrated (usually by people who won't allow me to express my version of an incident). It usually takes about 5 or 10 minutes of being shushed, then I get a tightness at the back.of my neck that makes its way up the back.of my head, across the top, and down my forehead. Once it hits my eyes, I automatically start crying tears of rage, and all hell can break loose. I wonder if this is CPTSD?

[@Acalamity]

Yes, it is. You are on the right track.

[@shauna6815]

I like the clarity of your description. It's so so relatable. I feel it's so important for people to be able to talk about an argument afterward, with clarity and empathy on both sides. My family seems to have no desire to do so. It's so disappointing.

[@natashamudford4011]

@@shauna6815 That would have been nice growing up. I remember getting in trouble a lot, being spanked and sent to my room, and never having any discussion about what I had done wrong. Being an introvert, alone time in my room wasn't much of a punishment to me, though. However, it would have been nice to have actually learned the lesson concerning my punishable behavior. Oh, well. At least my folks kept us clothed and fed, and made sure we went to school. I guess it could have been worse. 😕

[@shauna6815]

@@natashamudford4011 For me it would be more than nice, I would feel part of my family of origin again in a way that feels real.

[@natashamudford4011]

@@shauna6815 "Family of origin"... I couldn't think of that term earlier. Have you started a family of your own? If so, I expect you will do a better job, at least in the area of interpersonal communication. Maybe your family of origin will take notice, and try to follow your example. It never hurts to pray for them.

[@Nessyk01]

Your videos are so spot on ! I had some really good people come into my life and I pushed them all away ! I’m too old to make new friends now .🥺

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

That is what we call a "fear" at CCF. Maybe try the free mini course on how to deal with fear :) bit.ly/3608opl -Cara@TeamFairy

[@eitim9533]

I'm grateful for your examples that give me the possibility to relate. Many sessions I've undergone or books I've read, tell me what the problem is and how it came to be. Feels like I have to show people "See! This is why I'm broken. Protect me." And that's tiring and simply never works. I'm Grateful for your actionable / practical/ clear steps to take...that takes the responsibility away from others and gives to me. There's this thing you often say " ... But Lisa wrote me the letter. I'm talking to Lisa". To know this is something I can fix is so liberating. Unlike being a victim - which makes for a good sob story, keeps me in bondage. Thank you Fairy and Team

[@roc3771]

The more I find out about ME and my CPTSD the more I see others with NPD/CPTSD. The people whom I thought were "normal" are very much in the wounded areas of NPD/CPTSD. I've notice so much more around my life. Thank you for the wonderful video CCF (Anna Runkle).

[@belindasears6384]

This have been a huge gift to me! I knew that I lashed out to feeling hurt, maybe over board even...yet it hurts so much!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

It hurts when we are believing people are purposely hurting us- mostly they are just being themselves and we get bothered and take it way personal. These courses can help SO much. If nothing else, try this free course bit.ly/3608opl Glad you're here! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@deeb8733]

You Rock, CCF!!!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks you @Deb_B!

[@LR-yu3mx]

Yes my late hubby called it an explosion. Not often.. But very hard to pull yrself together when it happens

[@HyuugaC0bicat]

Love your videos! the idea of people who have more drama than you or being attracted to the drama really resonates, because i think when I was younger I saw that as "finding my tribe"? Like my strongest friendships and relationships were based of off this feeling of "the normies cant sit with us cause they dont understand the pain." So we sought each other out in a way... But it does all of us a disservice and as we get older we feel trapped in this identity, I especially feel like, when life is going better, Im out here to throw a wrench into it cause thats all we wanna do. But ill try not to throw a wrench into it with all these healing resources, ahaha