I'm part of the toxic natural hair community.

[@bl1ndbat502]

there's nothing wrong with wanting long hair, its just that fact that we think we're ugly without long hair, i think that's what us 4c girlies need to work on. we're beautiful both ways! it took me so long to get to that mindset and i still struggle sometimes

[@skyelynnae]

Ugh, I'm really struggling with this right now!!!

[@Maria-lp3ry]

Good point!

[@Maria-lp3ry]

⁠@@skyelynnaeI had to accept my hair for what it is and to stop wanting it to be what it wasn’t. That took a long time and every now and then I still struggle. The characteristics of my hair is that it is short, dry, dull, and tightly coiled. I understand completely!

[@indriadrayton1132]

Wait till your hair turns grey!!! MMWWAAAAAHHH!!!!🤣🤣

[@hereforit2347]

@@bl1ndbat502 : 🩷❤️🧡

[@ToyaF82]

Another toxic trait is feeling like you need to straighten your hair for important events.

[@SkyeID]

yeah, how could I forget friggin' lady declaring, "Don't bring your natural hair to my event."

[@ForbsieLaLa]

Like our kinks and coils aren't god enough for a dress up

[@bigmona2741]

Yea, I never do this.

[@hereforit2347]

@@ToyaF82: 💯 I felt this one. ☝🏾

[@hereforit2347]

@@SkyeID: 😮 😢

[@valencia9981]

I think a major toxic trait with 4c hair is the over manipulation to get defined curls.

[@bleeka325]

Yep and that’s why my hair is in such a state. I’ve given that up to wear it as it grows outta my head

[@rossums_rule7575]

Say it AGAIN baby!!! I've recently realized that the "wash n go" is JUST that. The shingling for hours and being horrified if anything destroys that precariously achieved curl pattern. It's a LOT.

[@Dunkina715]

True and in a lot of cases, that constant manipulation is working against the other obsession with only valuing/wanting long hair. Constant heavy manipulation won't let your hair grow either. Out here just making ourselves miserable going in circles.

[@valencia9981]

@@rossums_rule7575 omg. I made a similar comment on a natural hair cc and get eaten, probably still am but I unfollowed because I realised that the creators effort to say 4c and do what other curly hairtypes can do, the health of the hair wasn't be considered.

[@valencia9981]

@@rossums_rule7575 also, having to apply a million and one products. That is why natural hair seems expensive.

[@PoagieBoi]

Straight up, having kids cured it for me. I don't want my girls growing up with a mother who has image issues. I actively looked over at my daughter watching me mess with my hair. I straightened up and said "Mama looks good today! And so do you, baby!" We giggled and left. For some people, you can't be your own reason. You gotta be better because you set an example.

[@no.6377]

You're doing such a great thing! The idea of having kids one day is exactly why I went natural. I didn't want my kids thinking kinky hair is any less pretty. Kids watch what u do regardless of what we say❤

[@EpicRealistTV]

Exactly! I have 5 kids and ever since I had my first, I haven't had any perms. That was 15 years ago. My daughters embrace and love their hair and also my long haired sons. No wigs or weaves ever!

[@PoagieBoi]

@@EpicRealistTV I love that!! Thank you for raising a confident next generation!

[@EpicRealistTV]

@@PoagieBoi Thank you :)

[@fin4008]

That's so beautiful 😢❤❤❤

[@carenwhite7954]

I gave up. All this week I've been wearing my wash day plaits pinned up and that's it. My edges are hedges 🤷🏾‍♀️ I work in a prominent city in a prominent neighborhood but I can no longer be arsed to satisfy anyone's expectations. My hair is down to my boobs in all its 4c goodness. It's moisturized and healthy and that's good enough for me

[@AsjahKay]

Me too sis! I got 4 plaits that have been this way since I washed my hair on Sunday. It's too hot and too much work to do anything else.

[@marajones1828]

I feeeeel yall! Omg it's too hot for the fro right now! I can only do two strand twists, 1 puff, 2 puff but omg last week I did 6 plaits on wash day and kept them the whole week. And I'm in a white suburban neighborhood. It's too hot for me to care what anyone thinks. I just gotta stay cool and let this scalp breathe!

[@Jordè1222]

Yesssss I have in twist!!! I think I'm letting it loc because I just want to relax 😂❤

[@sphanksjohns]

@@Jordè1222I remember getting so hot one day that all of a sudden I took scissors to 130 locs. I was in the mirror, “I can’t do these hot locs anymore”. Every style is too hot for me.

[@esthertjones]

I often do the same thing! I do like to french/dutch braid my hair so it can be a nice braidout for the weekend if I want. 😊

[@deviousangel91]

I absolutely loved when you said "I no longer run around the hair aisle looking for a solution for my hair, because my hair isnt a problem".❤

[@leighm]

I use to struggle with envy then I heard somewhere “don’t get jealous, get inspired”

[@ashleyhester2139]

I think to be free from the standard of our hair needing to be “sleeked” or always having that “freshly done” is just leaving our hair how she is. Give her what she needs to grow and just leave her be regardless of how we think she should look and be. Ya know what I mean?

[@smarti1144]

Agreed! This is for loose hair and deadlocked girlies. The need for a fresh twist all the time is exhausting and will lead to over manipulation.

[@stephaniemariewhitlock8370]

BRA 👏🏿 STRENGTH 👏🏿 LAP 👏🏿

[@aallen1234]

Take minerals! I've been taking a teaspoon of 100% MSM flakes with 16 oz of water/coffee/whatever, since April 2020, every day. My hair is now past my bra strap and about to be past my bra band. I added silica over a month ago. We can have long hair, yes we can!💯

[@SkyeID]

Meaning you won't take a lap unless you're wearing a really strong bra.

[@mstamalaj]

Immediately

[@ashleyhester2139]

I used to struggle with envy especially when I watched the other natural hair girlies grow their hair from TWA’s to waist length hair… but now im like “f it!” My hair gonne do whatever she want to do look how she wanna look and imma just be the supporter of it 😂

[@hereforit2347]

❤ Love this.

[@winglessfairy564]

Yessss

[@ashleyp409]

Yes, this is the truth and the way. I'm also at this point.

[@s.tenisereynolds9004]

👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾🥰

[@PrincessPixieBell]

If chunky plats and not slicked down edges were normalized, It would make my life so much easier.

[@marajones1828]

That's how I'm about to rock this summer! I can't wash n go my way through this heat wave. It's too hot for an afro lol. We gonna do 6 chunky twists lol

[@SkyeID]

you don't have to slick down your edges.

[@bleeka325]

If only edges that wanna do what they wanna do with out slicking was normalized.

[@Vienna-ng6ix]

If shrunken afros were normalized, I'd be chillin.

[@madamchloe2655]

Be the change you want to see in the world!!🙌

[@Arielle_C93]

It's amazing how the typing chart has blk ppl so divided & in a chokehold. Look at how diverse our Earth is; do you really think there's only 12 patterns for 7billion ppl? That system was invented for Andre Walker's product line. It wasn't meant to be applied to the entire spectrum. There's arguments in the comment section of every natural hair video over this silly chart. I'm definitely a starpuppy fan. I do however look forward to the day this chart is left behind.

[@nicki1197]

That “hair chart” was created by a colorist blk male. I’m not sure why any blk woman would take his advice on how we should take care of our hair. The fact that he labeled straight European hair as “1A” or “Grade A”, as if it’s the superior standard of hair, should’ve let blk women know that that hair chart was not made for us

[@Arielle_C93]

@@nicki1197 💯 exactly, as if we're basically the lowest on the totem pole. It's a shame.

[@petttroville5510]

​@@nicki1197also it doesn't even inform us on how to care for our hair, it just divides us. When I found out about porosity, that was a game changer. Hair typing is another way for us to internalize inferiority

[@Tahiha]

The chart helps people to simply identify hair type and perhaps identify products that work best for their hair. Nothing is inherently wrong with the chart. Your hair type is what it is. It’s people who have hair envy or are hair elitists who weaponize the chart or get in their feelings about the chart. If your hair has a patterns, instead of coils, that’s just a fact of life. Just treat your hair accordingly, give it the care it needs and understand that what works for 3b hair won’t work for 4c hair. Absolutely nothing wrong with the chart itself.

[@UnPeuDeTourisme]

At the end of the day, your type of hair isn’t important*. What matters is if your hair look healthy or not. So, this not hair which make people ugly, it’s the whole face/body. In beauty thing, I never understood why some people focus on one thing instead of the whole harmonious features. *Well in some place people has a problem with your type of hair like at work. But this is another problem…

[@Proudmary456]

Thank you for always being vulnerable. You are the only natural hair content I watch because I always felt gaslit by all the others. How to grow waist-length hair in a month? (don’t look at my genetics), 10 easy 4C hairstyles (brings out extensions, gel, blow dryer, ability to braid a heart shape), If you don’t like your natural hair, you hate yourself. (proceeds to style hair for 2 hours in a “natural state”). When I first shaved my head I felt gender dysphoria because I didn’t realize that most of the women who are championed for going bald on socials also wore full face makeup, dresses, and earrings and here I am in shorts and a t-shirt wondering why I feel like a little boy. I have been natural for 10 years and my hair is just getting to bra strap length but I try to remember it's about health, and it is yours, I am not in competition with anybody else and its okay to be mad about it sometimes.

[@marajones1828]

Omg the gender dysphoria! When I big chopped two years ago, no lie when I was staring in shock in the mirror, I broke out in tears and RAN to Claire's to get my ears pierced. And the moment I got back, my roommate called me Mike Tyson (which just made me cry more). And I think a big part was the fact that we rarely see short hair black women without glam. If you never see real normal/natural, it's gonna look scary/unnatural. I felt like I had looked like a man and if I didn't get my ears pierced ASAP that I was doomed. I'm in a much better place now but wow I my therapist was busy during that early stage of my big chop 😅

[@Proudmary456]

@@marajones1828 Tyson??? Oh we would have fought LMFAO. Yeah I definitely rocked door knocker earrings. But we made it and are stronger for it❤

[@Tahiha]

Love this post🤙 You forgot “never mind age and illness”. They always omit to say that hair strength, texture and density and growth rate WILL change with age for the vast majority of humans.

[@Tahiha]

@@marajones1828notice when BW do big chop or lose their hair for whatever reason the next thing they do immediately is go full face makeup and hoop earrings

[@tunzlunz]

Yes girl messy puff is my messy bun. It’s my “I couldn’t be bothered to do anything else to my hair, you’ll get what I give you” hairstyle. It’s interesting…hearing you talk about the “toxicity”. It sounds normal actually. It sounds like normal things every race goes through. I think the difficulty we have in the natural community is we are under so much pressure to be the exemplary negro due to all the stigma natural hair already has.

[@thewordsmith5440]

Yeah, no one else has to constantly overthink every aspect of their life and think if it's anti(add race or ethnicity). If a white girl doesn't like her short hair she would get extensions too.

[@tunzlunz]

@@thewordsmith5440 well said!

[@GreenPantsAllDay]

I've felt this way before! I have decided to just let my hair loc. It seems to want to similarly shrink and tangle. I figure that my hair strands want to be in a loving embrace!

[@bleeka325]

This is a great perspective

[@Jordè1222]

Me too girl. My hair is fragile and I think locs will make it stronger ❤

[@PARADOXsquared]

Yes!!! I came to the same conclusion and have been loving my locs ever since.

[@leogirl321]

Sameeee even when I struggle with them I’m still like…better than doing my loose natural hair at 2am

[@edenlewis2538]

I’ve definitely had hair envy. Especially because my hair is 4c and I have seborrheic dermatitis which makes my hair weak and fall out around the edges. I tend to change my hairstyle a lot too and it hurts when you can tell people perceive and treat you different with different hairstyles. It really messes with your psyche as a young adult.

[@Nazinsky]

You’re so strong ❤

[@edenlewis2538]

@@Nazinsky Awe, thank you ♥

[@levonowens4084]

‼️Dear StarPuppy, I am 67 years young and I have felt the “hair pressure” since a little girl sitting between my grandmother’s legs to be braided, then at 12 being told by my mom it was time for a “perm” then years of freaking out about keeping relaxer up to date in my hair, then losing hair multiple times over the years having to start from the big chop. Being Natural, having a wonderful Fro but still feeling the societal focus and pressure about how my hair as a Black woman should look in society for the satisfaction of others. I am still trying to get over it…please keep trying.☮️💟

[@sp_cecadette8571]

I too fantasize of leaving the house looking like Coolio . The daily/weekly energy and maintenance feels equivalent to preparing to go to a prom or a wedding .

[@vanessaanucha18]

I have 4c hair too, the type I was always ashamed of having (possibly still to the day), and was called ugly even in my own black household. I did the feared wash and go WITHOUT manipulation for the first time in years this week - it feels vulnerable but I have this strange sense of peace and confidence that I didn't expect. You've got this x

[@luname2356]

Having long hair is honestly overrated, but you have to go throught the experience to understand that. I've had locs for 9 years now and I can't count how many times I've wanted to cut my hair short. Nowadays I style my hair in short bobs because I miss having short hair, it's kind of a weird feeling😭

[@jasminscarbrough2596]

Nahhhh after 35 years I’ve finally reached bra strap length. I can’t see where it’s overrated… I’m def going for waist length. I want it before I leave this earth then maybe I’ll feel like you lol

[@jasminscarbrough2596]

How long is yours 💕

[@marajones1828]

Long hair is definitely overrated IMO. I grew up with my sister and I having hair down our back. My mother always got it heat straightened so she could enjoy it's full length. Both my sister and I were OVER it. As soon we we had control over our own bodies and heads what did we both do? CUT our hair! Also thanks mom for the heat damage and me never getting to know my curls. Now I love short hair, my favorite thing in the world is shrinkage. I big chopped two years ago and I'm mad cuz my hair is already shoulder length. Im ready to cut it back into a TWA. I'm also autistic so for me it's also a sensory thing too. A short curly fro is the best for stimming. Long hair makes me wanna strangle myself lol.

[@jasminscarbrough2596]

@@marajones1828 you grew up with it. I’ve had neck length hair my whole life and then I went natural and saw more growth. And then I got sisterlocs and made it a smidge past bra strap length…. I think black girls with kinky hair are so used to being called bald head, nappy, ect. I gotta chip on my shoulder with a point to prove

[@marajones1828]

Oooo gurl and you most definitely can! I'm rooting for you! Congrats on reaching bra strength lap! I'm too autistic for long hair I've learned but if you want waist length I say go for it! Waist length locs sound so pretty. You got this gurl 💪🏾❤️

[@ashleyhester2139]

Girl! I went back to the original hair products! All the other stuff… just wasnt doing it! Nothing wrong with a lil blue magic 😂

[@nicki1197]

Facts! A lot of those “natural hair” products only made my hair dry & gave me scalp inflammation!

[@TheLoveweaver]

Dax for me!

[@deviousangel91]

🎉 Africans Best leave in and blue magic for me❤

[@n.g.6442]

I use dax hair grease and my hair is flourishing.

[@bigmona2741]

I hate that we are shamed for having hair goals such as long length. That’s your preference as it is mine. We shouldn’t be shamed into wanting something simply because other people feel some type of way about it. I don’t care - I’m on a journey to waist length. I’m putting the blood, sweat, and tears into my hair so I can achieve what I want. Period, no apologies.

[@Lisa_Flowers]

I don't think the point is to shame people about wanting long hair 😅 The problem is that the natural community is so obsessed with long hair that it basically ignores everything else, including people who don't want it, or who criticise those who use snake oil salesman tactics to try to scam people who do want it. 'Bald headed' is literally an insult, and no matter how healthy your hair is if you've never reached waist length or bra strap length there is an assumption that you have undesirable hair or know less about hair or quite frankly that you are less pretty than people who do have long hair. That is what people are criticising when people talk about the negative aspects of the natural communities fixation with long hair, not saying it's somehow inherently wrong to want it. It's like, wanting long hair is valid, wanting short hair is valid, wanting healthy hair is valid, preferring to experiment and not prioritise perfect health over dying/straightening it is valid, but in the natural hair community you would never know because it is assumed the one singular goal is waist length at the cost of literally everything else, sometimes even generally healthy hair care! How many times do people leave their hair for months in protective styles without properly caring for it just because they want to retain some inches? Or avoid getting trims or cutting off split ends/damage? That's their prerogative, not everyone cares about healthy hair, but we assume long always equals healthy (much in the same way we assume good skin, or being thin always equals healthy) so lots of really awful or just nonsensical hair care practices get validated as healthy just because they either do or claim to increase hair retention. It's also extremely hard to find natural hair influencers who don't talk about length goals or long hair if that's something you personally don't care about or prioritise. Most nautral hair videos that have the most views are redundant videos about hair growth that repeat the same info we all know but somehow claim to have some 'secret will get you to waist length! 😱' or outright misleading info about how to grow your hair to waist length. Meanwhile I can't even find a video on how to take care of my twa without someone constantly mentioning length or how to grow it longer as quickly as possible, despite that not being a goal of mine? And you somehow think people are being shamed for wanting long hair lol? The entire community revolves around it! Like you do you, get to waist length if you want to. But it's very weird to ignore ALL of the context of why people 'feel some type of way' about the length focus, and assume that people are just bullying or shaming you for wanting a very socially normative socially praised thing. Maybe some people take it too far as is always the case with these things, but most of us are tired of the constant pressure to prioritise length over everything, or the fact that people who DO have waist length hair, usually just because they have the genetic make up that makes that easier or possible for them, have created entire careers out of it and postured themselves as professionals, despite having no qualifications and really only knowing how to take care of their _own_ head of hair (and sometimes not even that!). Meanwhile actual professionals with experience with working on thousands of clients get passive aggressive comments about why their hair doesn't grow longer or hasn't reached waist length, because people respect their opinion less simply because they don't have hair that the natural community puts on a pedestal, despite their hair being perfectly healthy. You could literally tell people to do any odd, completely unsubstantiated and even dangerous thing under the sun and they will automatically believe you and try it themselves simply because you've said it helped grow your hair to waist length (onion juice, hanging upside down, rice water, baking soda volcanos on the head instead of shampoo, take this magic supplement, etc, it's all been said and done!). No critical thinking, no questioning, just blind obedience because we are all expected to be THAT obsessed with long hair! I've also heard so many people talk about desperately wanting long hair, finally getting it...and then putting it in a bun or under a head wrap all the time or dreading wash day because they liked the _idea_ of having long hair more than they like actually having it. And upon self reflection they realise that goal was never really what _they_ wanted, it was just something they absorbed from the natural community as being the most obvious and only thing to want. Now I'm not trying to discourage you, it's a valid goal to have if you know its what you want and you're having fun and not killing yourself over it. There will always be people who want long hair, because why not, it's beautiful, and I'm sure for some people it's worth the work and attention. But it's a problem that people still don't have options in terms of their personal goals with natural hair, it's just _long hair long hair long hair_ , Black women need to 'prove' they they CAN grow long hair and that they're beautiful because of it, to the point where _some_ people spend years getting it only to hate it when they have it. That would likely happen less if there was more variety in what the natural community finds desirable or gives voice and attention to. It took me years to even know I don't care about long hair and that short hair is actually fun and looks great on me because for years I internalised the idea that short hair is ugly and I'm supposed to think I look ugly with it (which i did when I first cut my hair), even though I actually think I look great now! 😂 not saying this is you, but it's definitely a lot of people who feel they've wasted time and money stressing about something they didn't even really want. TLDR; None of this has to do with anyone's individual desire to grow long hair. More so the obsessive myopic culture that exists around it and how people who _don't_ want that or just don't really care are alienated and treated less than, by their community and by society. I shouldn't have to feel like having short hair automatically makes me ugly or less beautiful, even to other Black women. Or that it makes me less knowledgeable about natural hair after 10 years of having it!

[@lolabunny1157]

Exactly! Everybody should do what they want to do. That’s why I don’t share certain goals.

[@Keasha274]

This is the thing I've been natural for 39 years, big chopped in 1993, there was no community then, but I did come to realize that once I lost that relaxed mane I spent so much time and money growing, I had to face myself in the mirror, my black features, my black self, no distractions, no accepted terms of femininity, and I had to learn to embrace me and heal the toxcicity, yes it's just hair, but that doesn't mean it doesn't matter❤

[@aquaopa1]

I think most people just have terminal length hair. Meaning a length that your hair reaches and then just stops/slows down. I mean our eyelashes have a specific length, pubic hair, body hair etc. My natural hair would always reach to my shoulders (stretched) but would always break off or get thin beyond that. I have been loc'd for 8 years now. This is the longest my hair has ever been (to my bum). It was transformative switching from loose natural to loc'd. My life is back, my weekends are back, no spending hours on my hair. Would HIGHLY recommend. 🔒

[@aielianna]

I agree 100% I never understood why people act like terminal length just doesn’t exist with the hair on your head. If body hair doesn’t grow past a certain point why would that suddenly not apply to the hair on our heads? I think the only scenario where I would get past shoulder length is getting locs but my hair is not very dense and my strands are fine so I’m just gonna stick to keeping my hair very short.

[@nagisa9147]

for me, my hair stops just past shoulder length stretched…. and then the my rate of growth and rate of breakage equalizes and it will not get any longer than that. It’s frustrating, but I have no idea how to fix it. I don’t mind my short hair, but it does make me feel like I’m bad at taking care of my hair, yknow?

[@quasar4472]

it's kind of hard because I assumed mines was bra strap bc it wouldn't go past it for a long time..then since last year it starts growing more almost reaching my waist. I do believe it stops for a while correct me if I'm wrong and retaining the length.

[@aquaopa1]

@@nagisa9147 Same. Maybe wearing protective styles (wigs, braids) might help? My hair would get thick and long with braids. But as soon as its loose again...breakage. My hair just thrives when I leave it alone (low manipulation). Combing and brushing just seems to stress it out. That's why locs has made my hair thrive.

[@lisaj4441]

I think that most Black women don't ever reach their terminal length. They simply don't know how to take care of their hair and break it off all the time. They never get to the terminal length, but believe they have. I have reached the longest hair of my life at age 53 when I finally learned how to take care of my hair.

[@tayabillingsley8951]

I struggle with envy just because of the time commitment. I think about how long it takes me to do a protective style or do my hair, while also having to manage my grad school class load. And there's only one other person in my entire class that has to deal with the same thing. No one else has to budget extra time for hair and school work like I do

[@Lisa_Flowers]

if your open to it, i'd really recommend looking into Black Girl Curls and some of their resources. They really simplify natural hair care and cut through the fat of what a lot of natural hair advice says is necessary to what is REALLY essential and important - cleansing, conditioning, styling, all of which don't need to take a lot of time. They're huge proponents of the wash hour instead of the wash day, and a lot of their clients/free resources are directed towards working or busy women. They free resources offer a lot of valuable info - I have pretty short hair but I also have health issues that drastically reduce the amount of time I CAN spend on my hair, and my routine is so efficient now. They're also run by actual licensed cosmetologists, so they really focus on what has been proven to work on the hundreds of clients they've seen, instead of random fads or time wasting activities that don't actually do a whole lot, and it turns out, natural hair doesn't have to be complicated and time consuming for most people!

[@skyelynnae]

Yes, this!!!

[@bleeka325]

Ever since I’ve stopped trying slick and twist and tug at my hair to get it to do something it doesn’t want to it takes me way less time. It take about 4 hours for me from detangling the old style to getting it into a clean puff or Afro

[@vanessanwosu6107]

The wayyy I was aggressively nodding. I really felt thisss. Washing my hair alone would take hours on end that really and truly I should have been putting into completing my assignments.

[@destinydcp]

Same here! I'm in grad school, and finding time to wash and style my hair during the semester has been a struggle

[@ZeeChibs]

I don't have 4c hair so i can't really add to the discussion of the 4c natural hair community but i did want to say that out of all the curl types 4c has always been one of my favorites, ya'lls hair is so beautiful, long or short, and I really hope that ya'll meet your hair goals what ever they might be because you deserve to be happy in your own skin from head to toe

[@VickyOlanike]

💖

[@Mellz4ya]

One toxic trait I've noticed amongst the natural hair community is when ppl dictate to other ppl on whether or not they "really" have 4c hair simply because they believe 4c hair is solely connected with being "dry & undefined" & will ARGUE others DOWN who say otherwise 😑 they really believe anyone who claims to have 4c hair but doesn't have dry hair that can't be defined are "really" 4a/4b & not 4c 😒 smh

[@val6189]

👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿

[@fae3821]

For real! I see it a lot online, especially on stylist videos where they just call anything dry & damaged "4c". And if you call them out on this they say, "Well the hair type chart is stupid anyway" If it's so stupid you'd think they would stop bringing up curl types in the first place🤦🏽‍♀️ I think they just say that to get out of addressing their texturism.

[@Mellz4ya]

@@fae3821 i agree and it's sad especially when i see women say "my 4c hair could never" on alot of styling videos. They fail to realize that porosity & density are also factors when it comes to hair & someone's 4c hair will not always look like the next person's 4c hair.

[@Lili-p1b5t]

Sis. My apologies. Imma steal your hairstyle cause you're an inspiration

[@Mellz4ya]

@@Lili-p1b5t such kind words ❤ go for it ! It will look amazing on you 👍🏽

[@PARADOXsquared]

My solution to wanting long 4c hair but not having the energy/executive function to detangle and style etc etc etc a huge amount of hair was to go the loc route. I felt so free once I started because I could finally enjoy my natural texture without hard work. My hair is done by default, even when it's not "fresh". I don't have wash days anymore. It takes 30min to wash my hair (and shower). If you really like how passion twists look on you, locs wouldn't be that different.

[@EloquentlyEse]

The "nappy" version of a messy bun is... A messy bun? What I'm currently wearing as I type this. It took me less than 3 mins to do on my 4c hair this morning. Am I missing something? Why can't 4c hair do a messy bun? Your hair just needs to be stretched, even an old twist/braid out will do. No gel or products needed unless you want it. The exact same way any other hair type would do it.

[@madamjcw4844]

I have locs but once they grew down to my butt, I started wanting short hair. So many people complimented it and would tell me not to cut them so Took me a while to actually do it but I dont ever plan on growing it long again. I started realizing that I dont care about having long hair anymore and its feels so good to say that. I can focus on other things that matter to me

[@Lisa_Flowers]

The long hair obsession is REAL lol. I have short hair, I love having short hair. I'm letting it grow out (so not cutting it regularly, not really arsed about growth goals or how many inches I retain a month) but i'm in no rush because I think it looks super cute at this length. But every time I searched videos on KZbin about how to take care of a twa (because i've never had one before) most of the search results were ''how to grow your hair longer!' or 'grow your hair longer with these 10 tips!'. Videos on just caring and appreciating your twa with no growth goals centered or even mentioned? Basically impossible to find lol, or few and far between. It was so weird. Like there have to be natural hair girlies who actually prefer to keep their hair at this length and even cut it to maintain that length, but apparently they're not making videos or their videos aren't popular enough for the KZbin algorithm to recommend them or even let them show up in search results. For me I think I distanced myself from the natural hair community because i'm tired of being (positively or negatively) obsessed with my hair, categorizing it, growing it, styling it, monitoring it, measuring it, etc. I love Black hair and I love my hair, but it's juuuuust hair to me. It will never be what's most important to me at any given time and I don't want my life to revolve around it. That's how I feel and that's okay. I also just got tired of hating my self and my hair for not being denser/longer/shinier/more loosely curled. Like trust and believe my hair will continue hairing regardless of how desperately I want her to be different, or how many people convince me using this special oil or technique will give me hair that genetically isn't meant for me. I'm tired of people making a buck off my insecurities, and that includes other Black people unfortunately. So I just researched the most sustainable, simple, and effective way to take care of my hair, figured it out, established a routine, and moved on with my life. And i'm the happiest i've ever been with my hair, caring for it when it needs it (which is weekly for exactly one hour! Not every three months lol) and ignoring it the rest of the time. And my hair is also the healthiest it's ever been!

[@samilliesamillie7524]

Babe I get you sm. I just watched a video of a girl being frustrated of styling her 4c hair, like wanting to put it in a bun or trying to make her hair flatten down like a bob. But like your short hair is the cutest when you just let it fro yk. I think we should stop trying to europeanise our hair and love it for the length it is. Our focus should be more on the health versus the length. I cut my hair in 2019 to go natural and it grew for a bit but I just two months ago realized that my hair hasn’t made any progress because it was always in braids and I barely moisturized it. I was neglecting the health of my hair. Also about a few months ago I had my prom and realized how much work it takes to keep a frontal on. It just made me depressed putting glue on my skin than having to rub it off with alcohol and I was worried about my edges. After taking my wig off and going natural I just realized how liberated I feel. It just doesn’t sit well to me anymore having to constantly put glue on my skin, like it was causing a lot of discomfort and a bit of pain. Natural hair should be loved the way it is in all lengths. I think it will be a very long time before I do my hair again bc I’m trying to hydrate and strengthen my hair at the moment as it has been very brittle and weak these past years. I am not trying to focus on the length but on the health 😭 It is such a shame that most black women have unhealthy hair and it is a norm. It is also doesn’t sit well with me that we barely wash our hair in these styles we keep it in. I’m South African and I realized how colonized we really are. Looking back at portraits of people in my culture centuries ago they used to do amazing styles and their hair was healthy and it obviously caused their hair to grow long but they did not care about the length. Some tribes actually preferred their hair to be short like Swati people. I just think we need to love our hair in it’s natural state bc the damage we keep doing to our hair is insane

[@TayloryvStudio]

Its okay to feel affected by how society treats you when you have your hair as it is, allow yourself some grace! I have kinky hair and it something i'm learning and growing through as well. Once you accept that your hair as worthy it will be all you need, opinions won't matter nearly as much once you feel it from the inside. I've been accepting what my hair wants to do, and its hard, it doesn't always feel "presentable" but we owe ourselves acceptance and comfort. For years I forced my hair to be stretched and braided and slicked down and all these "protective" styles that my hair and scalp hated. Im tired, we deserve ease and comfort, do baby steps. I stopped getting long extensions like braids and twists because I realized I was hiding my hair, its been getting better since, I started to embrace shrinkage too! We always think others look better with kinky hair, or short hair, or shrinkage, were so quick to see the beauty in others. We deserve that same outlook.

[@tsingletary6311]

Talk about it, sis/sib! 💞

[@yellej3314]

I’ve tried leaving my hair alone for a month, never again. 4c hair is just different. If I do wear it out it is very intentional & I know I can’t leave it because not only will it get tangle but I will start pulling at it. Any long 4c haired girl I’ve seen said they leave their hair stretched which makes sense.

[@pennyholman]

So true, It helps greatly. I did mini-twists and left them in for a while and mistakes were made. I still do twists, but not too small and no longer than about 3 weeks. My hair will tangle and break so I do twistouts and I re-twist in chunky twists at night, I keep my hair stretched and ends protected by pinning it up and covering it with a silk scarf. I'm about bra strap length (stretched), I'm only trying for maybe 6 more inches, but if this is it, I'm good. My goal now is to have a routine that doesn't feel complicated.

[@tiadaniels3356]

Question: did they treat you differently because of your hair OR did your hair determine how you felt and perceived yourself and thus how people interacted with you based off your vibe?

[@alexismcafee8130]

This right here!! When we feel insecure with anything, it shows up in so many ways. I used to avoid crowds cus just getting attention caused so much anxiety cus of my lack of confidence in myself and my appearance. If people laughed, I assumed they were laughing at me. Like, was it really that serious?? Probably not, but I let my perception of myself mess with my reality. I feel like Starpuppy has that issue.

[@FineNaturalHairROCKS]

I love that so many of us are having these very important conversations. There are so many toxic traits within the natural hair community but one of the biggest ones is the short hair one that you mentioned. I definitely struggle with this one a lot and it's something I'm working on.

[@sunnni_]

16:34 got me the most. I noticed I struggle with other's perceptions of me even when its not who I am based on how I present myself in style or hair style. But I told myself yesterday "their perception of you is none of your business" and now I say that to make sure I keep believing it as I step outside in the world

[@io_9876]

Great video about a very real point. Honestly getting locs has been the one thing that freed me from natural hair toxicity. I love my hair now and don't put so much pressure on myself to style it

[@laylasprinkle6632]

Ditto! Just started my loc journey and I finally feel free. So much relief and ease of styling. I finally feel pretty with just my natural hair 🩷

[@io_9876]

@laylasprinkle6632 finally feeling pretty with what grows out of my scalp as is .. such a great feeling! Best of luck with your continued loc journey!!🎉

[@SkyeID]

I started my loc journey 20 days ago, and I'm digging the liberation. When I wake up, my hair is done.

[@MichelleakaLonnie]

Same! Began my journey, this year, on May 10. It has been freeing!

[@aliveandwell3958]

I feel like I’ll feel beautiful with sister locs.

[@binibini7975]

Hey Star Hey StarPuppy!! Missed you💕💕

[@monstervain]

I remember when I wanted bra strap length so bad and now that it's grown passed it, I don't even even do anything to it but braid it 😅

[@tsingletary6311]

I did the exact plait out you described for the first time last month, after I got my twists taken down. It was fully ✨MAGICAL✨ I been rockin' with you tuff for a few years and Cloud 9 (my head of hair) is maybe 2 inches shorter than Fluff Nugget. I LURVED it. I hope you find the loving space to try it, or another low manip style that feels good on your spirit. 💖

[@tsingletary6311]

Maybe worth mentioning: I also have medium density, fine strands. We hair twins! I found you looking for reflections of similar crowns. I stared in 2021 at nape length and you've repeatedly inspired and comforted me on my journey to currently just above armpit (ugh, the metric terms we use...lol!) length. 💞

[@flyygurl18]

👋🏾 🙂 A fellow ‘super fine stranded’ 4C hair gworl and don’t I know about trying to maximise the visual of considerable volume present 😅: once, I did the wash, condition and leave -in and go as is and yeah; emotional. Terrifying, then freeing then of course having to experience “reactions” - it’s a Lot. Great video! 😍🖖🏾

[@johannap7061]

Everyone is talking about getting locs. That would be nice, but if you have ALOPECIA in the middle and side of your head, baldness and locs don't mix.

[@pennyholman]

You are so on point with everything you said. The shine over sheen thing is definitely toxic, so is curl over coil. there are so many of us who are 4 b/c types who follow regimens trying to achieve the look and style of someones else's hair that does not represent our type and it's annoying to see our hair be the "Before" representation of achieving this ideal curl.

[@cutiepiea3687]

I agree a lot of looser textured hair looks 4c when it’s dry then when moisturised the curls come out which can be misleading for real 4c girls

[@lovelyrocky24]

I have a lot of trauma with my hair. I understand all of the sentiments you made very deeply. It actually causes me headaches to have my hair pulled back perfectly with edges laid. I feel I always look “a mess” if I don’t… yet it causes me chronic pain most of the time if I do. I’ve been experimenting with styles that feel “me” but don’t cause me pain! Your reframing of hair not being a problem to fix, but something to enrich and style was really beautiful. Thanks for the video!

[@PinkLotus119]

Thank you so much for your channel. I appreciate it!!❤ One of my biggest issues is the lack of hair salons in my area that care for natural hair. They only do $$$ weaves or silk press. They don’t know how to care for natural hair or don’t want to be bothered. No professional guidance. Self trial and error can create frustration and cause toxicity. It’s like not having a doctor so you try to self heal but unbeknownst to you it created a problem.

[@sonoxi1756]

I really excpected you to at least briefly address the thumbnail of that last video. And all the comments calling you out on it.

[@EboneeRaven]

Love the vulnerability you bring to your natural hair journey. Your video essays always makes me introspective on my hair journey. Sending good vibes!

[@skyelynnae]

The quote at the beginning is what I've been feeling...I don't like my short hair if it's not under my control to have short hair 🥲 I've rocked short hair for years and then decided to grow it out. Got diagnosed with ccca (alopecia) and my crown started breaking off which "forced" me to cut my hair short but I didn't want to.

[@ravenbrinkley664]

So happy to see ya up and about Starpuppy! I feel ya with the length envy. Honestly, I think it comes from comparison from the outside. It's crazy how we covet long hair. I'm still a victim of it, but realized that im already at bra strap length. What do I do with it? Put it in yarn twists, Marley twists and currently passion twists. I don't even want to SEE my hair, let alone deal with it LOL. So, I feel like we only see the bright sides of long hair...because if my regular hair was the waist length I fantasize.......I'd probably cut it in a heartbeat. Meanwhile, we see passion twists as a nice go between where it's low maintenance and long. Kinda sad to think about but...most times the thing we crave is out of our reach and once it's in our reach, it's not what we thought it would be.

[@miriamgordon3533]

I struggle with the amount of shrinkage that occurs after washing my hair. Even after blow drying it shrinks back fairly quickly. I have had to explain to a lot of hairdressers that no, I have not cut my hair. It has just shrunk. But yes, having short hair, by shrinking or otherwise is not easy sometimes and I do desire it to be longer.

[@purpleglitter9596]

I'm finally learning to see that the extreme coils are actually very cute and beautiful. It hard for us to see it because the media doesn't celebrate our hair. But it really is beautiful.

[@sunflowerlovesbees]

I have 4c high porosity hair and let me tell you at some point I had to accept my hair (the constant shedding and breaking I was loosing my damn mind over the hair) …I wash ,condition , add leave and slap grease on my hair … twice a week basically every 3 days… I then put in a high bun and that is my signature look.. I noticed no shedding and my hair has increased in volume .. I didn’t notice the length until i was bored and blew it out .. I was shocked. I also stopped protective styles like braids or extensions cos I’m lazy but it’s really helped me accept my hair.

[@ourhannahshouse]

Hey! Do you detangle? Does it take long and how often do you do it ? thanks

[@sunflowerlovesbees]

@@ourhannahshouse yes , I do but without a comb , it tends to respond better now it takes about 45 minutes or an hour maximum to get the whole process done for Day 1, for day 4. 30 minutes. I deep condition once a week and use regular conditioner on day 4 without shampoo.

[@AR-md1zq]

Yoooo I’ll tell you what I want what I really really want. Waist to hip length hair

[@ericaloveskorea]

I think you can do it! I don’t think it’s a black women obsession. Many white women would love longer hair too, BUT I’ve realized after all that I’ve learned most women don’t know how to take care of their hair and retain length. I’ve had white friends who struggled to grow their hair past shoulder length.

[@MelSpeaksMD]

Our ancestors have always styled, stretched, manipulated (etc.) their hair for the purposes of beauty, class or telling a story. Most highly textured hair NEEDS styling otherwise you end up with knots, unnecessary breakage, and lack of length retention. There’s nothing wrong with aspiring for length and thickness as long as you love and know how to work with what you have currently. I’m a lifelong natural and cut my hair a couple of years ago, but now my goal is to grow it as long as I can using wigs, braids, buns etc. To each their own.

[@sharronmccombs1716]

I agree. I’ve always seen people who are doing their thing with their natural hair or relaxed hair and just being healthy with it, in management AND outlook on their hair. It takes courage for people to be unapologetically themselves, knowing that their iteration of that outwardly might not be embraced everywhere they go. Then there are people who own it no matter what, without all this debating and accounting for others that goes on now.

[@samilliesamillie7524]

Our hair doesn’t actually need to be styled. Like finger detangling your hair while it’s conditioned does the best job to keep your curls detangled. Also be careful with styling cause it causes a lot of breakage. Styling should be ones that stretch without breakage. A lot of people don’t realize that braids with fiber aren’t actually good for your hair especially knotless ones, that does depend on the size of your braids though. Ig do whatever you want with your hair my advice is to make sure your hair doesn’t break and is constantly hydrated. I’m South African and my recent ancestors styled their hair in a specific way to make sure that they hair was stretched without breakage. That’s why people with locs can grow their hair to their desires. Their hair is twisted with minimal breakage compared to brushing your hair. My ancestors would use red ochre and twist their hair in it. It would create a red-dreaded look. Prioritizing health over length is what causes growth. Much love though ❤️

[@MelSpeaksMD]

⁠​⁠​⁠​⁠@@samilliesamillie7524 yes, health is the goal and the prerequisite for long hair. It’s hard to style or stretch hair without breakage if your hair is unhealthy. I consider finger detangling with conditioner to be a form of styling even if you’re not using any tools. In my opinion, the only naturals who don’t need any styling are men who typically don’t prioritize length or moisture retention-though they often still style their hair, even if just a little.

[@martha_aj4386]

I have 4c and can wash and just leave my hair. Does it look perfect? No! And that’s ok. I’ve embraced the wash and go- my hair is trained and used to being “out” It takes time and a certain level of personal comfort (not everyone likes Afros) but it’s possible

[@WASSUPSJHJS]

It’s ok bestie

[@christianaunderwood]

I wear a wash go all of the time. Sometimes is more defined sometimes its more afro. I love it at all times and Im done spending more than two hours doing my hair. 😂

[@virtuousmountainwoman]

There is nothing at all toxic about our hair…nothing at all.

[@zahrakh.d1400]

You have very beautiful eyes ❤

[@keelhe893]

Danielle, girl you are such a natural beauty. I love your vulnerability and the way you represent yourself. A toxic trait for the natural hair movement is this idea of being a clone. Everyone must have the same hair style like dreadlocks or feeling like if someone relaxes their hair or wears straight hair its due to self hate

[@chanelletucker2236]

Locs would free you sis. Unexpected Self love booster, No combing ever, length retention, and messy buns too! It has everything you want! I’m 4 years in and currently bra strap length. I get up and go sis. Come to the loc side!!!!!

[@ericaloveskorea]

I had locs for 7 years, then untangled, then went back for like a year, then untangled! Now, I’m learning my hair. I miss my low maintenance days, but I always miss my loose hair when I had locs. I hate that there’s always a trade off! 😆

[@Shay45]

I think it is really important for everyone to know how to retrain your brain and fix your algorithm. Go out and look for content that matches what you need (not want or desire) Delete, block, say “not interested,” or “don’t recommend channel” for anything that is not good for you. If you run across anything that is bad then DO NOT ENGAGE. Stop watching right away, don’t like or comment! Keep saying positive things to yourself and look for content that supports that.

[@lisaj4441]

Say it louder for the people in the back!

[@ambertheoriginal5100]

Our version of the messy bun is braids or locs in a messy bun. Sorry😢

[@briantbmoth6472]

My go to style with chunky twists. I put them in a puff or a ponytail. No gel. I have never sleeked my edges back.

[@sjscovington]

Good to hear from you. I have been natural for over 10 years. As I waited for the perm to grow out of my hair, I used to do extensions/braids but just recently I embraced two strand twists. I just wash and twist it using water and a cream leave in/ curl cream. So easy to do on my 4b-c hair. Does it shrink? Of course! Do I care? No! My hair is healthy and that’s all that matters. Fall in love with whatever hair that you have been blessed with and be happy. The less it’s manipulated the better your hair will be. It’s all good. Love ya! ❤

[@ewright7274]

Oh wow! I’ve never gotten involved in all of this. My hair is simply my hair. When I was young, We didn’t call it the natural hair community. It was just our hair.

[@brittanycarey233]

Thank you Star Puppy!! ✨ I too struggled a lot with my hair. I have alopecia and I'm my worst enemy. I needed to hear all of this and I'm learning how to take better care of my hair and self in general. I am looking forward to that dip before the hip😂! You are flawless in my eyes!! 🤩

[@MsDownTownJudyBrown]

When you let the hair tell you what its going to do and go. The natural messy bun is the frederick douglas. and scene.

[@tsingletary6311]

😂😂😂

[@MOONSONSKIES]

Yeah tbh I unsubscribed bc I started to feel like your videos were no longer as much empowering about 4c hair, but I think it’s honestly something us as black girls and as a community will need to heal from bc of all the hatred our hair has received from other people and people in our own community.

[@stylesbycharmichelle]

Been checking for your latest video. Indeed, it's been some time. I have been watching a lot of other channels in the meantime. I have been inspired by the mini twists length retention revolution. Would love to see you rock mini twists without your extensions for a few weeks at a time as a protective style Danielle. That's where I am headed. The length retention has been amazing for so many natural women on here. ❤❤❤

[@doll7123]

Thanks for still putting in the effort to upload videos even though life is life-ing?? for you. You really give those of us who are also struggling, something to be glad for. Love your deep convos along with your silly convos and your random singing that slaps all the time. You're literally the only Hair KZbinr I don't mind hearing talk through all their videos. Keep it up if you can, I'm always here for it!💪

[@mazh3478]

I can’t wait to see your essay. It’s very interesting because I’ve been doing some research on our hair/ hair in general and it’s really all just fascinating! So I’d would love to hear what’s your view on it ❤️🖤💚

[@ShaundaOlivia]

Timely, literally having a month long meltdown about how I am going to wear my hair to work event that feels like it, sets the tone/expectation for the year. Ugh, I have your answer to our equivalent of walk out the door hair in a few minutes. It’s the 4c Wash n’ go! But with that comes…embracing ALL of the shrinkage, and mindset work around true feminity etc 😅 🙏🏽 ❤️

[@TillaOrcy]

You inspired me to learn how to take care of my own hair and do my own passion twists. I was so terrified of even touching my own hair before but you helped boost my confidence! Please don't be too hard on yourself!

[@jeanblack5506]

I love this video! Your authenticity is refreshing, and your are beautiful!

[@celestialextraterrestrial305]

Your hair will grow and flourish when you STOP fixating on the length and start focusing on the health of your hair! Be grateful that you have the privilege of being able to pamper yourself in regards to self care. As within, so without. Be appreciative of whatever growth you have and get out of the ‘I want, I want, I want’ mindset and step into the mindset of abundance- Your hair is continuously growing exponentially. Feel successful about your growth. And how you retain length determines your hair length. You also have to eat right and they have supplements like sea moss, marine collagen, iron, and MSM (sulfur) that’ll contribute to fast hair growth. Also, stop over manipulating it. Leave it alone. If you consistently wear protective hairstyles like box braids and wigs for example your hair will get longer and longer right before your eyes in between each style. Also keep your arsenal of products simple. Perhaps some aloe Vera gel (all over), Jamaican Black castor oil (just the scalp) and Dax lanolin (the hair shaft), and olive oil (the hair shaft too). Lastly, stop recording self-deprecating videos for the world to see. Keep some things to yourself. Cause you’re putting too much energy out there into the universe that comes off really desperate and negative and some people may want to be bystanders to your downfall I’m just saying. Hair is a spiritual thing (your crown chakra) and carries energy. Hope this helps!

[@tobekai]

The black girl version of a messy bun is a messy bun. You might just need the length to do it. If your hair is shorter then you'll have to braid or twist your hair flat in the front to get it to stay put.

[@Lisa_Flowers]

Also have you considered setting up a ko-fi? I know you have a patreon and they're kind of similar, but I think ko-fi is better for one time donations, which is more financially sustainable for some of us who can't give monthly or buy merch (the shipping and import fees would SINK me), but want to support!

[@DelilahHD]

I got locs... best decision ever

[@bleeka325]

I’ve been working through this for the last 6ish weeks. It’s new to me but I’m trying to get comfortable with wearing my hair as it grows outta my head. I usually twist it and slick it to try to make it something it’s not and that’s why it’s breaking and shedding so much

[@tinkerbelle7449]

You're so pretty, great personality too!😍

[@carmenshirley4886]

I’m so glad you are freeing your mind! Type 4 hair is beautiful and versatile whether short or long. There are several sistas in the community with 4c extremely long hair where you are achieving to reach. I have found that in my journey to that same length, the work to achieve it also increases. Be prepared for that commitment because it is real!!

[@natashamay8693]

Girl, I feel you!!! I’ve been through everything you mentioned. All I do for my hair now is a a tension method blowout and 2 flat twists and now this is my look! So easy to maintain and my hair has been growing!! The only bandwagon product I tried and am obsessed with is Pattern by Tracy Ellis Ross. I used to suffer from extreme hair loss but once I started praying and meditating about letting go of my high expectations for my hair life was all of a sudden easier. I hope your journey works out in your favour. God has blessed you with a beautiful head of hair, just ask him how to wear it ☺️🥰

[@nilawarriorprincess]

I think it's toxic to believe that we have to conform to someone else's standard no matter who they are. This is 2024! We have so many choices. My body, my rules = MY HAIR MY RULES.

[@princesstriceestar]

As a 4c girlie, I definitely felt you on the "it feels like a crime" 😂. I have very fine hair and well aware that if i dont want tangles in tangles, on top of tangles, I have to blow out my hair and be intentional in braiding or twisting my hair. I may not style it but to just leave it wet?!?!? Disaster in the making 😂

[@dittocloud720]

Im on the same page as you! as long as my hair is now, I dont mind having shorter hair either. My hair is past bra strap, I'm hoping to get it to waist length cause WHATTTTT that blow out finna eatttt the girls up. loll

[@Memyx]

Has she ever gone into why she always avoids dreadlocs as an option? I don't think I've ever heard her mention them despite how amazing they are. I used to stress about my 4c hair all the time, and then I got locs and haven't stressed about my hair since.

[@quasar4472]

I remember her saying she loves her hair in a "cloud" so she isn't interested in locs. In my opinion with her immune system, I think she is doing what is best for herself.

[@jasminscarbrough2596]

This the one. I haven’t envious of another woman’s hair since I got my locs

[@CassandraMzizi]

I also have hair envy but for thicknesses. If you have thick hair it is the golden standard. As someone wity low density and fine hair type it is difficult to see seemingly eberybody with thick luscious hair

[@malyasha7659]

Your obsession with bra strength lap is my obsession with waist length

[@jamiAkos]

Another certified regular 4c (I hate these "categories") here, been natural my whole life. Years ago (I was 16, I'm 42 now) I was contemplating cutting my hair because I saw this dope cut and wanted something similar and one of my sisters had just cut her hair off. So I told my other sister that I wan't going to do it because I don't look "right" with short hair. And she challenged my internalized yt supremacy. And helped see how the notion that hair needs to be long to be beautiful or the notion of the "right" head shape and all that was just the same as the "right" hair type or skin color or you have it. I'll love her forever just for that. I rocked my hair short as a high-top and long as to my breast. (After I had my twins I chopped it and left it that way for ten years. I started letting it grow out again 2 years ago.)

[@leonessbutterfly8813]

So glad we're having this conversation. I cut my hair off again bc i notice the ups and downs. Our culture and white culutre supports these ways of thinking and its so hard to fight this at times. 🤦🏿‍♀️🤦🏿‍♀️ Thank you Danielle! We love you.

[@TheSharna23]

Whew!! Having daughters really cured me of the need for our hair to be snatched and laid all the time. I realized early on that the amount of manipulation/product/time/heat it would take to keep my girls’ 4c strands “tame” was simply not worth the sacrifice. They have grown not caring so much about their hair (as compared to my Gen X self) and I love that for them!

[@BeemO-t3h]

Literally making my first youtube post to comment on one of my fave channels-yours, Danielle! I want to preface this (way too long) comment by saying that as always, I appreciate your honesty, vulnerability, strength and perseverance, and am grateful that you still post! Please don't go anywhere, we need you out here. So, I didn't know anything about the black hair community stuff until I started watching youtube channels like yours that specialized in that content. I watched this stuff because as a black woman with what I guess would be considered 4C hair, I wanted to learn ways of better managing my hair and get tips/reccs for dope products. You been a part of introducing me to a lot of cool stuff, and I really appreciate that and hope you continue to do that if you so desire in the future with this channel. (Whatever you do will be dope, I'm sure). I grew up wearing braids for the majority of my life (am in my mid-thirties now and recently did "a big chop" because I didn't feel like maintaining braids anymore). I loved my braids-they were generally low maintenance, a nice length, and looked good. Exploring the natural hair community side of the internet was really interesting and surprising in a lot of ways for me. I was actually surprised to see quite a few folks in this community-both on YT and elsewhere-sort of dismiss braids as a "protective" hairstyle vs just being a regular hairstyle, since that is how I grew up thinking of them. Frankly, it seemed a little bit odd considering the rich history that braids have in the black community as a way to celebrate the unique look of our hair, the unique way it grows, its innate strength, and also a way to demonstrate cultural artistry when it comes to styling hair. Very honestly, I began to suspect that there was a touch of...let's say "colonialism inspired perspective" inadvertently shaping the effort to champion and celebrate our hair in its natural state. I didn't understand why black women with natural hair were still generally opting to straighten it somehow, or keep it flat, or make it fling like looser textured hair, or style it in ways that smacked of an era in the West when black women were still being taught to be ashamed of their natural hair texture and hair behavior. I didn't see my braids as a protective style when I had them-I saw them as a part of my personality and character. I saw white people trying to mimic my hairstyle unsuccessfully and wondered about that. I even had my OWN PEOPLE telling me to get relaxers, or blow dry my otherwise virgin hair to get more length and look more appropriate. For what? So I can be something someone else wanted me to be? I had plenty of length with braids, and I liked the way I looked. This is, I suppose, an extremely rambling way to say that I want to see more black people-particularly young black people-take deep, unapologetic pride in their natural hair. We have absolutely nothing to be frustrated about, or angry about when it comes to who and what we are, how we are shaped, or how our hair falls. This is not to say that our feelings-frustrated and otherwise-are not valid, they 100% are. But we also deserve to allow ourselves to take pride in something as simple as a hairstyle that exists beyond the boundaries of society's flawed expectations. We-specifically as young women of color and Black women-live In A World™ where we are constantly being sent messages to be unhappy with who we are and to change it. I fear that we begin to internalize these negative messages we are exposed to as facts of our existence, and begin to work to unravel ourselves to "fix" the things we think are not ideal about ourselves. This is especially pervasive when we happen to be people exist outside of the box of things that have been labelled as desirable by colonialism. What is the image of ourselves that we are reaching for? And was it put there by someone else, or is it actually what we want of ourselves? It's a lot (maybe too much??) thought to put on some coils growing up out of our heads. But a lot of sociopolitical work has been put in to strip us of our natural hair-our pride and our joy. So maybe it's a thought worth having.

[@ItsMe-ri5bt]

Man, I'm telling you! For me having long hair didn't make any sense because I kept it hidden away in protective styles. It felt like I had long hair just to say I had it. I cut my hair and my wash days no longer last all day. I'm also trying different styles and even color! It's fun over here!

[@kiwiberrykush]

I WENT THROUGH THAT TOO! When my locs were Pocahontas length, i missed my mini fro and I CUT THEM THEN COMBED THEM OUT! Now I wanna loc up again cause my hair grows out instead of long. lmaoooo the STRUGGLE. Also, you're kawaii af

[@melaniepatrice2136]

i love these conversations! thank you for sharing!

[@jazzy22jm]

I don’t care that I have 4C but low porosity is such a struggle sometimes that it irks me not enough people talk about it 😭 This channel has been one of the very few that has helped me with my hair journey ❤️

[@meish21]

As usual, thank you for representing the 4c girlies lol. I definitely had (and still hold onto) some of these toxic natural hair traits, especially as a 4c member with fine hair. Whew!! Perpetually learning and unlearning.

[@savingsdiaryshorts]

Thanks for posting this video because I’m so obsessed with growing my natural hair now when I got to shoulder length I thought I would be happy then I became obsessed with getting to mid back length got there and now I have lost my damn mind trying to get to hip length 😭😭😭😭😔🤦🏽‍♀️

[@val6189]

Oh no 😅

[@juliamirandar.3533]

Oh, I also feel chained to styling my hair in a certain way. Whatever commitment I have, I set aside at least 40 minutes to style it (which is a lot of time for me, especially when I have to go to work at 6 a.m.). I just can't do a quick wash-and-go without feeling uncomfortable. It really sucks. You hit the nail on the head when you mentioned feeling that it would be "wrong" socially. I've been thinking this way for a while, and I didn't have the courage to admit it to myself. Greetings from Brazil.

[@hunterwilliams6384]

I have decided that I’m not doing my hair anymore…I’m DIY’d out lol I finally found a good hair stylist and have been going monthly since May to get my hair washed and twisted. Taking care of my hair is just too much and I’m actually restarting my loc journey with micro locs tomorrow because I just can’t lol I used to feel envious of people with long natural hair, but now i’m just like I love that for them and my hair is just gonna do what it’s gonna do 🤷🏾‍♀️